"Why are you being difficult?" His head automatically whirled to the door upon hearing her voice. His mouth cracks into a smile and she can't help but feel warm inside. It's a relief of sorts to see such a reaction from him.
"Hey," he cheerfully greeted.
Pepper shook her head. "Hi."
"How come no one told me you were coming?" He was a little mad about that. If he'd been told before hand, he could have made himself presentable.
"Well, I thought I should surprise you."
He smiled. "I happen to like surprises."
She could see the twinkle in his eyes as he spoke and for a moment she had forgotten he has no recollection of her, but the feeling was soon replaced by an unfamiliar voice of another presence that was in the room with them. "He seems to like you. See if you can get him to do his exercises," the physical therapist frustratingly stated. "I'm done." She didn't get paid enough to handle a patient this problematic, never mind the fact that she is the sixth therapist he has gotten rid of.
The second the middle-aged woman left the room, he said, "That's number six."
"Why are you being difficult?"
"Because I can," he retorted.
"Tony..." She said it with a sublet hint of disapproval.
"She was mean. Kinda bossy. Not attractive. But you are," he plainly stated. "Can you be my therapist?"
Pepper ignored his flirtation, but responded in a way that will keep their banter alive. "I'm not certified."
"Technicalities. I can fix that."
Oh, she bet he could. "Don't."
He pouted a little. "Why not?"
Wait. Was he serious? He looked visibly hurt as she said no to his suggestion.
He finally let out a smile to let her know he was kidding.
"You're such an idiot." She couldn't believe she had fallen for that. Correction. She was the idiot. Although she was a little embarrassed, their situation seemed to ease her mind. His child-like qualities hadn't disappeared in the slightest. In fact, nothing about him has changed. The doctor did confirm selective memory loss, specifically high school. The last three years of it. Maria informed her of the news just minutes ago. She didn't ask, but maybe it could be because of the trauma he'd experience around that time. He'd been caught in a warehouse explosion. His parents had faked their own deaths for weeks. It was horrible, the situations he had been put through. So, yes she did understand there reason to want to forget, but that left her in an unfortunate situation and there is nothing she can do about it.
"I woke up the other night but you weren't there," he brought up, changing the subject and tone of the conversation. Visiting hours were still in effect, but he was questioning why he cared so much that she left. He guessed he was just disappointed. Part of him thinks she's not being honest about who she is or what she means to him. It's an assumption at best, but he's behind his assumption one hundred percent.
"I know," she softly said to him. Everything about that night was overwhelming. She wasn't going to make justifications for leaving, but she had been in an incredible stressful situation all things school related and at that point, all her mind wanted was sleep, but to also take a step back. It scared her how great of a desire she had to help get him through this. From the start. Here was a man who she had not thought about in years and she had to ask herself if it hadn't been for the circumstances, would they be here? Would she be here? Would she be willing to give him a chance? No, she wouldn't. That's how she felt as he left her standing in the street after their run in just days earlier. Days before she'd been informed of the battle he's been up against since her absence. She's always known they could have made it. That much is true. He's not perfect, far from it, but there's potential for amazing things, so why should it be ruined by memories of their past when only the future mattered? He might not be the same person she once knew, but he was still Tony and the connection between them continues to exist. There is no way she would let the light burn out.
"Can we talk about something? It's really important."
He noted the serious undertone and nodded. Maybe he didn't need to be the one to bring this up after all.
"First, I want you to squeeze this ball for me." She picked the small circular object off the bed and offered it to him. She was going to see if he would do this for her.
"I can't."
"Tony, that doesn't mean you should give up."
"You don't get it. I can't," he frustratedly said.
"Yes, and I understood you the first time, but you're not going to get better if this is the attitude you have going into ti. You do want to leave this place, don't you?"
Tony sighed. She wasn't going to let this go unless he did what she asked for. He opened his hand and let her place the ball in his palm. His fingers flexed to touch the ball, but he failed to squeeze it, which was the entire point of the exercise.
"I'll help you," Pepper softly said. She knew in situations like these Tony felt like a failure and it was important to steer him away from that.
He kept focus. She was grasping his fingers with hers, helping him squeeze and release the ball in five second intervals. "I don't remember you at all. Rhodey said we talked before the operation and I can't remember that too." But, to be fair, the past couple days were a daze to him.
"We ran into each other at a coffee shop and I spilled your drink all over your shirt. You weren't too happy about it until you saw it was me."
"So after high school we lost touch."
"Before then. You left for New York."
"Oh," he said in thought. For some reason, he knew there was some sort of negative connotation linked to that.
"Squeeze." She was keeping his fingers in a grasp for him. He did his best to. She smiled when she felt him squeeze the ball for two seconds for letting go. "In high school, for the first few months, I had a boyfriend. We'd been having issues, and when I moved to Malibu, you turned into one of them. I don't know if this is the best way to put it, but I happened to be really selfish in relationships. I saw problems as the other's fault and shifted blame to anyone I could besides myself. We got along fine apart because he went to Harvard, but once in awhile he'd fly in and visit; that's when everything wen't wrong. Most of the time we fought and I used you as an escape. Looking back on it, I shouldn't have done that, but I did, and I can't change the past. There was a connection between us we both ignored and it got to the point where we just couldn't anymore. You fought with my ex and I confronted you about it and that is when you kissed me."
"But you still chose him over me, didn't you?"
"I did, but out of fear. You have to understand that around that time, relationships, being attached to someone, wasn't your thing. You preferred the one night stand and forget the next deal. I know you still do." Tony didn't say anything because she was right. He didn't believe in love so why waste time on that? "There were a lot of hurtful words exchanged. You came that weekend to apologize. You were understanding and it disappointed me because I thought you would at least fight harder for me. The warehouse explosion brought us together, but we never recovered from the decibel that was your parents faking their deaths. We were going downhill and we figured letting go was easier than trying to make it work so you moved to New York and we split up and neither of us contacted the other since."
"That's sad," he admitted, cutting the tension in the room.
"It is, huh?"
"Yeah, it is," he grumbled. Everything was making sense. He understood now the reason why Pepper had left so abruptly once he had woken up. She's a stranger and to her he's anything but. Thinking about that felt like a stab to his heart. He couldn't even begin to imagine how she felt. To put on a brave face, to put aside her feelings just so she could be here. Why would she put herself through this?
He's clearly upset and she can tell. She doesn't know what to do so she's going to follow his lead. She had only cast her gaze down for a second when she heard glass shattering. She jumped out of her seat. He mumbled sorry, but it lacked sincerity. "Tony, clam down. It takes time. I know it's hard, but getting upset is not going to help."
He attested back, and looked her dead in the eyes. "How can I not get upset about this? Tell me." She held his gaze, but didn't speak so he continue on with his tirade. "Because knowing this, it makes me feel like a dick. Like I didn't care enough to remember you. Us. Everything we had. Aren't you the least bit mad about this? Because I am. Because-" He stopped talking. He couldn't find the words to express how he's feeling.
"This isn't your fault," she tried to explain to him.
"I don't want to talk about this. Look, you probably don't even want to be here, so let me make this easy for you. You can go."
Now she's confused. What?
"You have better things to do than watch me try to squeeze a ball."
"Tony, me being here isn't a waste of time." This was classic Tony. She can clearly see him separating himself from his feelings.
"It's that and much more," he disputes, staring at her. His eyes were distant and they were lacking that happiness from before.
"I'm not leaving. That's it."
"Then you're okay with the way things are? You're okay with being around someone who doesn't even remember who the hell you are? Who doesn't care about you the same way you do him? I mean, why would you want that? Because even I wouldn't want that for you," he said. "Look, you're hot. You're my type, but if you're looking to rekindle something by being here, I'm not interested. You're right, relationships don't appeal to me. I want nothing to do with it. There's this part of me that cares, but other than that, I have no attachment to you, so if you decide to stay, fine. Be my guest. But I'm gonna tell you right now though, you're not going to get anything out of this expect heartache and disappointment."
She knows he probably doesn't mean that, but it didn't hurt any less. The words she wants to say to him never reaches the surface and her jaw sets. She's admitting defeat. He needs space and she's going to give it to him. He hasn't moved a muscle or changed the cold facial expression he has on. She just about walked out the door, but something stops her and she turns back to look at him. "You know, Tony, I get you don't remember me. I get this is frustrating, but pushing away the person who wants nothing more but to help you isn't the way to handle it. I don't care if I don't mean thing to you. I don't care if I'll never again because I can live past that. But what I can't live with is not trying to do something about it. I promised I'd be there for you the second I could and I intend to keep my word. The only problem is you're not letting me. The way you're acting now...this person sitting in front of me, the person who's guarded, who has this wall up to protect himself from letting me in, I've met him. I know he's better than this. He knows he is better than this. And that person I'm talking about, I know he hears me. I know because he was here fifteen minutes ago. He smiled at me the second I walked into the room and I'm leaving here believing he's going to wake up and realize no matter what happened, all I want is what is best for him."
