Month two
Red drummed her fingers on the table as the phone rang, every ounce of her being praying that there would be an answer on the other side. Every ring felt like an eternity and after what felt like ten years, Red almost slammed the phone down. But then a voice rang through, loud and clear.
"Nichols residence. How may I help you?" The voice that answered the phone could have only been one person, from Nicky's very apt description. Red smiled as she remembered what Nicky had said.
Marka? Eh...well, she can't stand to be having the conversation. A little rushed. Mostly pissed. But of course - that's only when she actually talks to you.
"I'm Galina Reznikov," she said confidently. She worked up the nerve to continue, quietly clearing her throat. "I saw your ad for a cook - the online one," she explained. She had spent weeks looking for a job and then she saw that golden ticket on an ad as she scrolled mindlessly. Marka Nichols. Full time cook wanted.
"Oh yes, this is her speaking." Marka said vaguely, sounding like literally anything else would be a preferable conversation. There was a slight hesitation and then she continued. "When can you start?"
"Whenever." Red said, ready to reel off all of her positive attributes. "I'm very flexible, and -"
"Monday?" Marka replied quickly, interrupting Red without a hint of an apology on her lips. She sighed in frustration. "I have a dinner party on Tuesday. I need to run through the menu with you, and I'm very busy at the moment. That gives you two days to prepare which I'm sure will be fine. How's that?"
"Monday is fine," Red returned, equally as fast, trying her best to sound enthusiastic. It wasn't her strong point. "I'll bring along a list of recipes to show you."
"That's fine. But you won't be talking to me." The little laugh at the end of the sentence made Red itch to say something, but she just nodded through it. "My PA will sort it out with you. Reznikov, how do you spell that?" Marka wondered out loud, finally her tone coloring with some sort of interest.
"R-E-Z-N-I-K-O-V." Red spelled out patiently, hardly daring to believe that she'd actually managed to get the job. "Will there be an interview? The other applicants must have called by now."
Marka laughed. It was hard to believe this was the same woman that had taken such an apathetic attitude to her only child. "Take the dinner party as your interview. All goes well, then you're hired. See you on Monday, Mrs Reznikov."
Red smiled, exhaling a shaky, relieved breath. It was a change for her to feel so reliant on something, so desperate. But this was so much bigger than her. "See you on Monday, Mrs Nichols."
The morning passed in a blur of recipes and flour, and then it was finally time for Red to visit Nicky. The drive always felt ten times longer than it was supposed to be, and Red gripped the steering wheel just that bit tighter as she thought of telling Nicky the good news. The warm summer air hit her as she stepped out of her car and headed to the reception and waiting room. It was always a bit suffocating stepping back into that room, but for Nicky she'd do it. For Nicky, she'd do anything.
"Reznikov," CO Bell said almost pleasantly as she let her through the metal detector. "Didn't expect to see you here again."
"I have to see my girls." Red said with a nod to O'Neill. "You'll know what it's like one day," she sighed. "Don't underestimate it."
"Sort her out. She's been a mess." Bell said with a nod of respect. "And for God's sake, Reznikov, stay out of trouble - for them."
Red nodded thoughtfully. She's one of the good ones, Red thought, thankful that she was still here to look after the girls. It only took one bad person to break a prisoner, and one bad prison guard could lead to tragedy. Red shook her head, a shiver shooting down her spine. She'd already witnessed that. With her head held high, she strode into the room where Nicky looked up expectantly. She nibbled on her thumbnail, and beamed when she saw Red. Nicky quickly stood, and held her arms out like a child. Red held her close, breathing in her scent. Nicky's mane tickled her neck but she continued anyway, at least until they were told to break it up by Ford.
Whilst she was pleased that Nicky wanted to see her, it also broke her heart. Who had let her down so many times that she had grown to expect it from everyone? As Red made her way to the table, it wasn't hard to figure out, and she wondered if Marka realized just how much she'd managed to fuck up.
"Red," Nicky smiled as they both sat down. She frowned in concern as she saw the worried look on her face, and instantly grasped her hands. The contact felt so natural it almost hurt to do it. She knew she would miss her touch immensely when she eventually left today. Red thought much the same, and let herself just stare at Nicky for a moment. It was a relief that she still remembered every freckle on her cheeks and the sparkle in her eye. "Ma, you okay?"
Red snapped back to reality, and nodded quickly. "I'm fine," Red reassured her, a hand caressing Nicky's shoulder. "I have a job interview on Monday," she said excitedly. She wasn't going to tell Nicky who she was going to be working for; there was no way she was letting her feel hopeful for that to be dashed as soon as it had begun. "A cook, just what I wanted to do."
"That's exciting." Nicky said, trying to make her voice less flat than she knew it sounded. She swallowed hard and exhaled, her hand coming to rest on her collarbone. Red watched, a concerned look appearing on her features. Nicky waved her hand and rubbed her mouth with the back of her hand, composing herself. "Just heartburn. It makes me feel..."
"Sick?" Red's face softened. She remembered her own pregnancies, and what a toll they took on her body - even with a husband insisting she got some rest. What did Nicky have here? Not much, Red thought sadly, her fingers tangling in Nicky's hair.
"I told you. Getting sick is for pussies. I don't believe in it."
"You're being careful, hmm? No getting yourself electrocuted. No..." she lowered her voice to a harsh whisper. "No drugs."
Nicky shook her head, closing her eyes for the briefest of moments. "No drugs," she said truthfully. The touch of another human that wasn't just a cheap thrill for the night felt nice. Not that she was getting many cheap thrills at the moment either.
"It's two centimeters now." Red said after a beat.
"What?" Nicky asked, shaking her head. She wasn't listening properly, and there was a fuzzy feeling in her head that she couldn't get rid of. It was a fog of missing Red, wanting to be alone, knowing that she was having to face a year of this, and everything else in between.
"Two centimeters and with a beating heart." Red continued, recalling the list she'd read online. It was a strange feeling; she wanted to be excited, and no matter how hard she tried to push it down, she still smiled when she thought of the new little life, though she tried to think of what Nicky would eventually decide. She still had weeks left to make that decision.
Nicky's eyes snapped up and reached Red's. They were sunken and underlined with darkness. She should be glowing, Red thought. She didn't know if Nicky was angry at her. Or upset. Or just sick of life. Her jaw worked as she scrabbled for the right words. Her nostrils flared and Red braced herself for the shouting. For the cursing, for the "shut the fuck up", for anything that would have shown a sign of life. But she said nothing.
"Nicky?"
Nicky's head snapped up again. "Red?" Her voice was small and she cleared her throat. "Do you love me?"
Red's eyes crinkled at the corners, her mouth pressed into a hard line. She didn't understand why she was asking this. Why she doubted it at all. The fact that she didn't seem to know this unequivocally unnerved Red. Didn't she know? Red's eyes flickered to Nicky's flat stomach. Would she ever know? "What?" Red finally settled on, her own head feeling as if it was stuffed with cotton wool. It was hard to focus now she had grown used to silence. Grown used to being alone.
"Do. You. Love. Me?" Nicky repeated. She pushed her hair back with her hand and exhaled heavily. She then titled her head, and tried not to let the hurt show on her face.
"Of course." Red said finally. "You're my child. My daughter," she frowned.
"Why?" Nicky replied, suddenly brighter. Her hand clutched to her stomach and she felt as if a tiny weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Red laughed softly. "It's not a conscious choice, Nicky. It just happens. I know it sounds like bullshit, but sometimes it's when you look down and see that tiny bundle of hope on your chest, and sometimes it's when fate brings two people together and it's just meant to be. You don't wake up one day and decide to love someone. Sometimes you have to work at it, yes, but you can't force it."
The gravity of her own words hit Red, and she realizes that Nicky must know that already. You can't force love. Nicky must lived with that very sentiment for most of her life, and it broke Red's heart to think of Nicky in each stage of life, forever wondering why her mom wasn't like everyone else's. "You know how to love, Nicky." Red said after a few moments of silence. "You radiate love, malyshka, even if you don't see it."
"Bullshit." Nicky countered quickly, her tone sharp but eyes glistening with tears. "Sex and drugs don't count."
Red sighed. "I don't mean sex and drugs!" She resisted the urge to slap Nicky on the back of the head and took a deep breath. It quickly subsided when Nicky put her head in her hands, her shoulders heaving. "Oh, honey. Don't worry," she said comfortingly, rubbing Nicky's neck gently. "Everything will be okay, I promise."
"What the fuck is wrong with me?" Nicky sobbed. Red half-smiled. She wished she could be there to comfort her, to let her know she wasn't alone, to rub her back when it got too much. But she knew the feeling of not being in control of your own body, of your own emotions.
"Hormones!" Red chuckled. Nicky looked up at her, staring through lashes heavy with tears, and gave a watery smile. "Everything will be okay," she soothed again. "I'm making a home for us both. It'll be ready for when you get out. I'm getting this job if it kills me."
Nicky was the one smiling this time, finally placated enough to enjoy the rest of the time they had together. It was already almost over and she wanted it to end on a more positive note. "There will be other jobs. There always is."
Red nodded, but gave Nicky a knowing smile. "Not like this one."
Monday morning rolled around quickly and Red rushed to get ready. She had already picked out her clothes, painstakingly wondering what on earth she could wear and finally settling on a conservative dress with black pumps. It would be practical and would also, she hoped, show that she was professional for the role. Her bakery had given her ample experience; she only had to prove herself to the PA and Marka, no-one else.
She sat down at the kitchen table and wrapped her hands around a coffee mug. Whilst it was nice to be so close to family, the job meant more than simply getting closer to Marka. It would allow Red freedom, and the ability to gather enough money to rent a place of her own. With Nicky. For Nicky. She only hoped that she could do it. After she had drained the cup, she put it in the sink and called a goodbye to her son.
The outside air was crisp. Fall had swept away the stickiness that summer had left, and it made Red feel refreshed. A slow walk towards their meeting spot would be relaxing, and hopefully would make her seem less anxious than she was. As the door swung closed behind her, she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. An unfamiliar number showed on the screen and she held it to her ear as she answered. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this Mrs Reznikov?" The rushed voice on the other end of the line sounded desperate.
"Yes," Red confirmed, her heart speeding up in anticipation. Was it Nicky? Was something wrong? Her boys? Had they had an accident? "Who is this? Why are you calling?"
"Sorry, I'm Becca, Mrs Nichols' PA. We were supposed to meet at eleven today. There's been a slight change of plans."
"Oh?" Red said, hoping that the position hadn't already been filled or was no longer needed. She crossed the fingers on her right hand. "Is that so?"
"Would it be possible for you to meet me at this address?" Becca says, quickly reeling off an address not too far from the original meeting place, "I seem to have made a mistake with the schedule. The dinner party is tonight, not tomorrow."
Red raised her eyebrows, but sighed in relief. If prison had taught her anything, it was work with what you've got. "That will be fine." There was an audible sigh of relief from Becca, too.
"Thank God," she muttered. "Can you tell me the ingredients you'll need? I'll get them before you arrive."
Red nodded, and reeled off a list of ingredients. "I'll be around ten minutes. See you then." Red said.
"I'll see you in ten, Ms Reznikov. And I'll be sure to put a good word in!" Becca said hurriedly.
Red shook her head as she ended the call. Rich people didn't live in the real world sometimes. The walk was short and pleasant, and as soon as she approached the building a doorman asked her for her name. After quietly introducing herself, he let her in and told her what floor she should go to, and how to get there. As soon as she knocked on the door, Becca answered quickly and ushered her through to a reasonably sized reception room.
Red looked around the room. She imagined a teenage Nicky ignoring her mother from this room. She imagined Paloma helping her with her homework. She swallowed the lump in her throat and accepted the tea that Becca offered her.
"So, Mrs Reznikov. Tell me your plans for this evening's menu. Mrs Nichols' hasn't said much; only that she wants to close a deal and that it must be of the highest standard. No food allergies that I'm aware of."
Red nodded. "I was thinking that I'd do roasted stuffed peppers for the appetizers, something light that helps conversation, followed by shoulder of lamb and dauphinoise potatoes. Finally, the dessert would be a simple New York cheesecake."
Becca smiled amicably. "Sure." Red waited for a moment, for any sign of approval or a nod of recognition. "Oh, sorry," Becca laughed self-consciously. "The kitchen's the first door on the right."
Red nodded, slightly bemused. "I'll have it finished by six."
"And finally..." Red said, bringing out a cheesecake on a serving plate. "The dessert. New York cheesecake. Enjoy," she said, breathing a sigh of relief. The night, at least for her, was finally over. Marka gave her a small smile, her eyes crinkling. It was almost easy to forget how much of a bitch she could be. Almost.
Red retreated to the kitchen and sat down at the table, rubbing her temples. Ten o'clock had come and gone, and she was beginning to feel her eyelids drooping. After what felt like an eternity, the noise from the guests began to die down and she could hear the scraping of chairs on the wooden floors. It felt like a weight lifted. Marka sauntered into the kitchen, kicking her heels off and grinning.
"Did you manage to seal the deal?" Red asked politely, wishing that Marka would just put her out of her misery and tell her whether she got the job or not.
Marka smirks. "Yes! Those businessmen didn't know what hit them." She takes her earrings off and looks at the spotless kitchen. "Very nice. Of course there are the dessert dishes out there that need to be cleaned. But don't worry about them." Red smiled gratefully. "You can do them in the morning."
The smile faded from Red's lips. Generous. And then it sunk in. "You want me back tomorrow?" Red said, trying to conceal her excitement.
"Of course. Would nine o'clock work? No dinner party. Just a normal day's work."
Red nodded quickly. "That's fine."
Marka smiled. "Goodnight, Mrs Reznikov."
"Goodnight, Mrs Nichols," Red said, finally heading for the door. She was grateful that she was going to be in bed soon, and she was grateful that she'd finally be able to tell Nicky some good news. She couldn't wait to see her. Red looked up into the sky. "Goodnight, Nicky," she whispered. "I'm gonna make everything okay, malyshka. Just you wait and see..."
Tell me what you think in a review please! I hope you enjoyed this sort of long chapter. It's mostly focused on Red so hope you don't mind that. Let me know what you think and want to see next!
- Star xo
