Month three

Nicky yawned at breakfast, fingers raking through her messy hair. It was too early for this shit, she thought, bleary eyes staring around the room. Inmates chatting surrounded her, including her own prison family, but she couldn't be bothered to focus on any of the words; every word and sentence seemed blurred into a sludgy monotonous stream of consciousness.

Without saying a goodbye, Nicky threw out most of her food and headed for her cube again. She found herself getting so tired these days. Black circles underlined her eyes despite the lack of eyeliner. Before she could even take a step out of the cafeteria, she heard her own name being yelled.

"Hey, Nichols!" Mendoza raised her eyebrows as Nicky turned around to face her. Nicky rolled her eyes and nodded a greeting before starting to turn back again. "Hey! Respect your elders. Get your ass over here."

Nicky heaved a sigh and joined Gloria in the empty kitchen. She'd clearly sent her girls away so that she could talk to Nicky, but Nicky didn't know what she wanted to talk about, and to be truthful, didn't feel much like talking at all.

"You don't like my cooking?" Gloria asked Nicky as she sat down uncomfortably on some crates that were supposed to have been put away. That, if Red were here, would have been put away as soon as they got through the door. Nicky was barely paying attention.

"Listen," Gloria said, looking Nicky straight in the eye. "I know you're missing her, but you've gotta eat. It wasn't even spicy today." She sighed, and waited for an answer. Nicky swallowed, amazed by the fact that Gloria had noticed something was wrong, and by the fact that she wanted to help. "I promised Red I'd look out for you. So, what? Promised no drugs but turning fucking anorexic?" She shook her head angrily. "Ay, dios mio! This is bullshit, Nichols. You want me to tell your mama?"

Nicky winced. "Of course I fucking don't." She took a deep breath. "What do you want me to do, Mendoza?" She was too tired to argue and she needed someone to guide her.

Gloria, hands on hips, stared Nicky down. "Snap out of this self destruction, mija." She passed Nicky a plate. "Grilled cheese. Just like you always bugged Red for, right?" Gloria wasn't asking a question. For weeks, Nicky hadn't been able to think straight. A fog clouded her brain, and she had been numb to many emotions. But this simple act of kindness was enough to make her want to cry. She nodded at Gloria and picked up half, tears pricking at her eyes.

"Yeah." Nicky said hoarsely.

Gloria pretended she didn't notice for both of their sakes. For Nicky, she was sure she didn't need reminding of how much she had grown used to a mother. Of how much she needed one now she had been given one. And for herself, because the sight of her reminded her that her own boys were out there, lost without a mother. Even if she couldn't help her own kids, she could help someone else's. It made her feel better, and as Nicky nibbled at the edges of the sandwich, it was clear that she was feeling better, if only for the ten minutes it took to eat.

As Nicky finished the first half, despite the nausea that she would face afterwards, it felt good. She still felt empty, but she felt less faint, and like someone had her back. It was a nice feeling.

Gloria nodded, pleased with herself. "Good girl," she said quietly. She wrapped an arm around Nicky's shoulder. "It'll be okay. You know that, right?" Nicky tried to fight the lump in her throat but failed, and a sob escaped from her lips anyway. Gloria chuckled softly and brought her closer. "I know the feeling. But it will be. Just months left, right? And then a whole new beginning."

It was Nicky who laughed that time, nodding in agreement. She didn't know the accuracy of her statement. "You could say that again."


Visiting hour always seemed to roll around incredibly slowly, and Nicky wondered why sixty minutes in one situation could feel like a lifetime, yet in another, could feel like the blink of an eye. She checked the clock again. Five minutes left until inmates would be called to sit at those little tables. Five minutes until she could finally feel physical contact again, something she had been missing hugely. Five minutes until those blue eyes could calm her down, tell her that everything would be okay.

As soon as she heard the signal, she was almost running to the visitors' room. It was pathetic, and she knew it, but these hour sessions were her lifeline. She flashed Luschek a grin as she didn't wait to be given the okay. She knew he didn't care and he said nothing as she took a seat near the back of the room.

It seemed to take another eternity for the visitors to start pouring in. A flash of crimson hair was all it took for Nicky to jump up. It didn't matter that people stared from the window. All she wanted was to wrap her arms around Red, regardless of shots and stares.

"I have good news." Red whispered to Nicky as she buried her face into her neck. Her strong arms felt nice around Nicky's back. They felt supportive, and God knew she needed all the support she could get. "Come, sit."

"Good news?" Nicky asked, pushing her from her eyes. She thought back to their last meeting, and remembered Red's news about her interview. "You got the job!" Nicky said, trying her best to sound pleased, "I know you really wanted it."

"It pays well. I want to be out of Yuri's house, especially by the time you get released." Red smiled, the unspoken words hanging in the air between them. I'm setting up our lives. "Everything is going well, though it's fucking weird." Red laughed easily, something she struggled to do now. "Sleeping in the dark. The quiet. Not having to cook for so many people!" Red nodded nostalgically. "It's...it takes some getting used to," she admitted with a sigh. "But what about you, malyshka? How are you?"

"My back hurts." Nicky frowned. "Now I get why you were pissed all of the time when cooking. Standing around fucking sucks for back pain." Nicky sighed as she remembered trying to find somewhere, anywhere, to sit whilst trying to fix a TV in electrical.

"Get Norma to rub it. Or ask Yoga Jones about stretches that help," Red suggested. Nicky scoffed instantly.

"Asking for advice from a hippie or the silent squirrel? They're great people, yadda yadda, but I can't say I want any of them touching my back or telling me that my chakras are off balance or some other hippie bullshit."

Red sighed but ignored her comment. She had been working up the nerve to tell Nicky her employer, and wondering how she would take the news. "I have something else to tell you."

"Yeah?" Nicky said, eyes flickering up to meet Red's.

"The job I applied for. It was for Marka."

"Marka?" Nicky repeated. The name felt weird. It didn't roll off of the tongue, but instead seemed to stick in her throat. "Why the fuck would you do that?"

"She doesn't know who I am. Nicky, are you being deliberately dense? I did this for you! For, you know," Red said, her voice lowered.

"I don't care." Nicky said childishly. The sound of her chair scraping against the floor made a scene and she stood up forcefully. "I'm done with this shit." As she stood up, she felt a strange feeling on her legs. Like when Morello had spilled a drink on her bed and forgot to tell her. With a frown, she wiped the back of herself with a hand and looked at her fingers. Her hand was coated in scarlet, shaking as she simply stared. Panic immediately rose in her throat and she felt sick with fear. "Ma, what the fuck?" Nicky asked anxiously, touching the back of her pants. Her voice grew hysterical. "What's happening? Why am I bleeding? Ma?"

Red instantly stood, fingers scrabbling for Nicky's hands. She stared at the back of Nicky's pants for what seemed like years. Crimson liquid seeped dangerously, the patch growing larger. Their eyes met; blue meeting brown in a mesh of emotions. Her voice sounded like a child as she piped up quietly, "Mom?"

The commotion finally forced Luschek to look up from his magazine. His eyes widened in horror and he was immediately by their side. "What the fuck, Nichols? What have you done?" His voice, usually held back by a lazily slow cadence, dripped with alarm. He held his radio to his mouth. "I'm gonna need backup here. And medical. Quickly."

He pulled a chair towards her and gently pushed her down. His eyes locked with Red over her head and they asked a million questions without saying a word. Red's hands, preoccupied with rubbing Nicky's back, came up to rub her own temples. Her mind whirled but all she could focus on was Nicky's hyperventilating. "Shh, malyshka. Everything will be fine." Red lied. She had no idea what was going on, but the blood...she shook her head. It wasn't something she wanted to focus on. "Where is the damn doctor?" Red demanded. Luschek, who looked just as panicked as her, shrugged his shoulders whilst pressing his radio again. If there was one comforting aspect of this whole experience, Red thought miserably, it was the fact that Luschek looked truly horrified. She knew that he was a lazy ass and pretty bad at his job, but he and Nicky had a weird, fucked up kind of relationship. If nothing else, there was concern for one another. And it showed on his face as he glared at the doctor, who had finally arrived.

"Name?" The doctor asked as he helped Nicky into the wheelchair, the stain on her pants becoming more and more obvious. Nicky winced in response but couldn't bring herself to answer.

"Nichols." Red said instantly, her fingers never losing touch with Nicky's. "Nicky Nichols."

"Okay." He turned his attention to Luschek. "Tell Mr Caputo what's happened. She may to stay in the infirmary. Nicky, I take it this isn't your normal monthly cycle?"

Red glared at him, horrified by his ignorance. "Does she look fucking twelve? I think she'd know if it was."

Nicky shook her head miserably, letting her hair fall into place. "Red," she said desperately, gritting her teeth in pain. "Don't leave me. Please, Ma - stay with me." Nicky begged.

Red swallowed hard. She would give anything to be allowed that, but a shake of the doctor's head was all that needed to be said on that one - it was never going to happen. "Listen, malyshka - you'll be fine. The doctors will take care of you. I'm here now, aren't I?" Red bit back the lump in her throat and pulled Nicky's head close to her chest as she sobbed. "Whatever happens, I'l be waiting for you. I'll come and visit you as soon as I can, honey," she said, squeezing her face and kissing her forehead. "Don't be scared, Nicky."

Nicky looked back at Red as the doctor wheeled her away. As soon as Nicky turned the corner, Red put her head in her hands. Don't be scared, Nicky. She sighed, her hands trembling and heart thudding fast. Would she be okay? Would the baby be okay? What if they weren't? Don't be scared, Nicky.

If only she could take her own fucking advice.

A/N:

I hope you like this chapter. Please tell me what you thought and what you want to see next chapter in a review. Happy Sunday!

- Star xo