"He is mine in a way that he will never be hers, yet he is hers in a way that he will never be mine, and so together, we are motherhood."

Month six

Nicky turned over uncomfortably in bed. Her beige uniform stretched at the seams, the material stretched over her ever expanding belly. As she stretched, her breath caught in her throat. With every day that passed, Nicky was finding it harder to breathe. The baby pressed on her lungs and she shifted her position once again.

Six months had come faster than she had expected it to, and she sat on the edge of her bed. Everything was beginning to feel so real. Definite kicks kept her awake at night, and the prenatal vitamin she was made to take every morning was a little reminder that she had more than herself to look out for anymore.

Every time someone asked her about names or what gender the baby was, she felt like an actual adult. But then she remembered she had to make actual plans for this baby when he or she made an appearance into the world in less than three months, and her adult facade withered away until she felt like that scared little girl again, desperately wishing for Red.

With a heavy sigh, Nicky heaved herself up. The phones would be empty at this time of morning, and although she didn't want to make the call, it was best she just got it over and done with. She shuffled over to the phones, feeling the weight of her bump weighing her down, and stopped at the first one. Before she could stop herself, she punched in the number that she had been trying to forget in all the years she had been in here.

Many miles away in a luxury apartment, Red hovered under the door as Marka fumed on the phone. "This is the second time you have called me in all the years you have been in there. And it's to tell me this?" Marka laughed bitterly, throwing her hands up in the air. "You've put me through hell, Nicky, and now you leave me with this?"

There was a silence on the other end as Nicky waited for Marka to finish her rant. "And all of those awkward conversations with the ladies at all of those dinner parties I held, wondering why you didn't have a boyfriend, or a date to the prom? Now you decide you're not…" Marka exhaled forcefully and lowered her voice, "Now you decide you're not a lesbian!"

Red listened in, her heart growing more and more heavy. Over the past few months she had realized that the woman, contrary to what she had believed before, was not a monster. She just simply wasn't fit to be a mother and every opportunity she got to prove herself she failed at, time and time again.

"I don't understand you!" Marka cried, exasperated. Red sighed; Marka had hit the nail on the head with that. The problem was rooted in their communication, or lack thereof, and Marka had set that precedent when Nicky was just a little girl. It was too late to change that now. Marka rubbed her head and sat down at the table. Her eyes softened and she nodded along with what Nicky was saying. "Darling, of course I will take your baby."

The tone and the resigned acceptance of Marka's words shocked Red, and she craned her head to the door to listen carefully. Months of working with Marka had created a working relationship. Whilst her loyalties lied with Nicky, it had been impossible for Red to work with Marka and not at least try to understand where her own personality and quirks had come from. The woman wasn't cold, yet she didn't open up easily; she was definitely not forthcoming with information and it was only last month that Red had 'learned' of Nicky's existence. Yet she wasn't cruel and it had become clear that the distance that she had placed between herself and a young Nicky had been her way of trying to do what was right. Red sighed as she listened - it was a desperately sad situation, yet she had some semblance of hope that the baby would bring a shining light of hope into everyone's lives, despite the dire circumstances.

"I need to sort some things out, okay? I will fix everything. Let me make some phone calls later today and you can call again tomorrow." Marka paused to let Nicky respond. Red doesn't like the scoff that comes out of her mouth after just a moment. "Why does it matter that you only get one call a day? Who else are you going to call?" The older woman sighed. "Maybe...maybe I should visit you." Marka bit her lip. "Okay," she sighed. "Just let me make those calls. Yes, okay. Goodbye, Nicky."

Red quickly stood by dishwasher and quietly stacked the dishes whilst Marka composed herself enough to enter the kitchen with a tight lipped smile. "Galina." Marka said pleasantly. The smile on her face was genuine as far as Red could tell, and it pained Red to think that Nicky had probably never thought the same. Underneath the smile, though, Red could tell that Marka was struggling with what Nicky had just told her. Who wouldn't? "How's lunch coming along?"

"Fine," Red said, closing the dishwasher. She rests her glasses on top of her head and gestures to the food prep on the sideboards. "Caesar salad for today, how's that?"

"Hmm?" Marka replied absently. She tucked a stray hair behind her ear and the Cartier bracelet that hung loosely on her wrist jangled. "Oh, yes. That's fine. Galina, will you bring it through to my office? I'll have to have a working lunch this afternoon...bring some wine too. I don't care which."

Red nodded amicably, not commenting on the conversation. If Marka had wanted to share what had been said, then she would have. "Of course, Mrs Nichols. I'll bring it through now."

"Thank you," Marka muttered. "Oh, and Galina, bring me my planner, please." She forced a smile and looked so much like Nicky that Red had trouble not reaching out to touch her face. She sighed deeply and pushed her reading glasses to the top of her head. "I have a few phone calls to make."

"Okay." Red said quietly. Her mind whirred with possibilities. It took all of her self restraint to not ask who she was planning on calling. "Call me if you need anything else."

Marka flashed a grateful smile. "Thank you," she said, sounding more genuine this time. "Life can be so stressful sometimes." Marka admitted reluctantly. "Do you have children, Galina?"

"I do," Red said, sitting down and brushing her apron off. Marka closed the lid of her laptop and leaned on her desk. "Three boys and a girl."

"Four children," Marka said with surprise. She gave a snort of laughter. "I couldn't even cope with one. How did you manage?"

Red gave a small laugh this time. The woman truly lived in a different world to everyone else, safe in her ivory tower of wealth - until Nicky took her matches and burned it all down. "Not coping wasn't an option." With three growing boys and rent to pay, Red and Dmitri had to find any way to pay the bills and feed their kids. Not coping or wanting a break rarely crossed their minds, let alone happened. And when she met Nicky, not taking the broken girl in her arms and loving her to life wasn't an option either. She wouldn't be just another statistic lost to unjust prison system.

Marka nodded minutely. "I'm just going to make those calls now."


Nicky picked at her dinner, stretching out her ankles under the table. Gloria had offered her a job in the kitchen, just to keep an eye on her, Nicky suspected, but her ankles were badly swollen even without standing up all day in a hot kitchen. Even so, Mendoza kept a close eye on her when she could. Across the table, Morello watched her with a small smile on her face, drawing figures of eight in her own food with her fork.

"What?" Nicky grumbled. Her back ached as she sat on the small bench and the smell of all the food mingling together made her feel queasy, although her morning sickness had long gone.

"You look so cute." Lorna said with a laugh. "You have the most adorable little bump. Is she kicking today?"

Nicky's hard exterior softened slightly and she slouched. "Yeah," she nodded with a smile. "Wanna feel?"

"Sure, sweetie!" Lorna grinned, scooting closer. She placed a cold hand on Nicky's stomach and squealed in delight when she was greeted with a swift kick. "She's strong! How big is she now?"

Seeing Nicky's cute bump made Lorna's own heart ache. She so badly wanted the whole perfect family life - a good husband, a nice house, and babies - and despite Nicky's less than perfect situation, jealousy still welled within her. Soon, Nicky would have a tiny baby to snuggle. Except she wouldn't, Lorna had to remind herself. The baby would be gone as soon as she met her mama. It made her heart ache even more to think about the heartbreak that was awaiting Nicky when she finally had her child.

"I don't know. I think Red said babies are like a butternut squash this far along." She rolled her eyes but smiled. "She has an app."

Lorna laughed. "And you don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet?"

"No," said Nicky, "I just have the strongest feeling that she's a girl. We'll see I guess….in three months." She gulped.

"Are you worried about the birth?" Lorna asked, unabashed. She lowered her voice. "My mother said nothing was the same...you know, down there, after a baby."

Nicky raised an eyebrow. "Are you offering to check afterwards?"

Lorna blushed scarlet. "Nicky, that's not polite. Besides, you know, I have Vinny to think about…" she trailed off, leaving the uncomfortable atmosphere hanging.

Nicky nodded with a sigh. There was no use arguing with the girl - she was immovable once she had an idea in her head.

Piper cut through the awkwardness. "So, what are you thinking name wise?"

"I don't know," Nicky said. She shrugged and pushed her food around her plate. "I want it to be better than my own." She barked a laugh. "I only have girl names. I was thinking Willow…or maybe Parker."

"Those are cute," Lorna said, her hand entwining with Nicky's. Piper nodded approvingly.

"Nice names. But what if it's a boy?"

"I have no idea." She shook her head. "Besides, a million things could go wrong before now. I don't want to jinx it."

Sister Ingalls frowned, and reached across the table to pat Nicky's hand. "Nicky, I don't think it's healthy to think like that. You're usually out of most danger by six months. I've been praying for you, and for your child."

Nicky gave a half smile. "Thanks, Sister. Isn't it supposed to be damned, though, seeing as I'm not married?"

"Uh, no. It doesn't necessarily work that way, Nicky. Besides," she said, her face taking on a cheeky smile, "I didn't always play by the rules myself. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother."

"Not for the first part of her life. I'll be here, fat and with no baby." She cringed at the word; she wasn't even sure what she would do with a baby.

"Well, babies don't remember," Lorna said supportively, echoing Red's words. "Red will take care of her real good."

"They won't give her to Red," Nicky sighed. "She's a felon. She's going to Marka." She nibbled on her thumbnail nervously. "She said she'd take her."

"Oh," Lorna said. She sounded deflated, but tried to look upbeat. "Well, she'll have everything she could ever want."

"Except a mother." Nicky said flatly.

"Aw, sweetie," Lorna said, rubbing Nicky's back comfortingly. "I'm sure baby….baby Nichols?"

Nicky nodded, her face marred with confusion. "Who else's name would they have?"

Boo snickered. "Luschek, perhaps."

"It's not his!" Nicky glared. "Besides, I wouldn't saddle a baby with his name even if it was him."

"Well," Lorna continued, squeezing Nicky's hand, "I'm sure baby Nichols is gonna have a great life with you as her mom, whatever the circumstances of where she's born."

A faint smile crossed Nicky's lips. "Thanks, doll."

Hello my lovelies! I hope you're having an amazing Saturday and that you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave me a review telling me what you thought and what you'd like to see. She's so close to meeting her baby! Only four more chapters to go...should everything go to plan ;)

On a side note I absolutely adore the name Parker but hate the way it sounds in my accent, which kinda sucks...
(I'll leave you with that totally irrelevant info about me lmao)