Month seven

Nicky nervously waited outside of the prison medical room, hopping from foot to foot. She couldn't keep still - she never could when she felt any sort of anticipation. Because of her bleed, and, Nicky suspected, the fact that she was pregnant due to "negligence", they wanted her to have another scan.

In her seventh month of pregnancy, Nicky had begun to feel kicks and punches acutely and frequently. She could make out if it was a leg or an arm and it was awe-inspiring but also terrifying. When the baby was a tiny minute little dot, it was easier to pretend that it wasn't happening. Now it was all so terrifyingly real.

"Nichols."

Her name stirred her from her thoughts and she nodded in the direction of the doctor, the same one she had seen all those months ago. "Coming," she called softly. Her breakfast churned in her stomach, but she swallowed hard and followed him into the bijou office.

"Sit, please." He said. He tapped his pen on his clipboard. "29 weeks pregnant, first time mom?" He asked.

Nicky nodded silently, legs swinging as she sat on the chair. "Yep. I thought this would be a great time to start a family. Stable housing, food on the table."

The doctor laughed, placing his clipboard down. "You got any family, Nichols? It's only a matter of time now." He slipped gloves on as he waited for an answer, switching on the screen to the ultrasound machine.

"I'm not like those other girls." Nicky said, insistent but quiet. "I don't want ten kids. Marka…" Nicky sighed. "My mom, she only had me. She's not poor or destitute. She was a shitty mother, I mean I ended up here, didn't I? But she's got a good life."

"You're lucky." The doctor nodded as he gestured for Nicky to lie down, which she did, pulling up her shirt. He squirted the gel onto her stomach and she shivered. "Sorry," he smiled. "It's a little cold."

"Life's cold." Nicky said with a throaty laugh. "We'll both have to get used to it."

The doctor gave another small laugh and then concentrated on the ultrasound. "Everything looks like it's going well…" he moved the image on the screen and examined the fetus. "Do you want to know the sex?"

Nicky's eyes widened slightly and she considered for a moment before shaking her head. "No. I don't think I do."

"That's fine," the doctor said lightly, writing down in his chart and then smiling reassuringly. "You can wipe the gel off - we're all done here." He snapped off his gloves. "I heard Anderson got fired."

Nicky nodded faintly. "Mhm."

She absently wiped the gel from her midriff as she thought about it. Anderson hadn't argued the accusation, and the fact that he had been caught with drugs on him the day after she'd confessed in Caputo's office didn't help his reputation either. To be truthful, Nicky hadn't cared either way.

She had promised Red no more drugs. And she'd seen the effects of babies born addicted to drugs - Fig had shown it in some PSA when she'd shown up on the day that NA took place. Their tiny piercing screams were heartbreaking, and Nicky was reckless and could be selfish, but she wasn't about to put a baby - her baby - through one of the worst experiences she'd ever been through.

"Well," the doctor said, filing Nicky's notes away safely. "Maybe he shouldn't have made such a monumental fuck up."

Nicky smiled faintly, her hand resting on her stomach as the baby kicked away. "The baby's gonna need a lot of help with his genes. And mine," she added softly. "It's been argued - I know it's shocking - that I'm also a fuck up of the monumental kind."

"There are worse things a mother can be." The doctor said, shrugging.

"I know," Nicky nodded. She hoped she wouldn't ever be any of those things.


"They've been telling me all of these fucking stories about when they had their kids, and it's like a horror story." Nicky glared at the glass that showed a window into the prison from the visiting room. "They're looking at me like I'm the one with two heads because I didn't know you can rip down there. Isn't that kinda a flaw in mother nature's plan? Those books you gave me kept saying "don't worry, your body is perfectly designed for this." If that were true then surely you wouldn't be the same as when Boo tried to fit into Lorna's pants for a dare and then they ripped at the seams."

Red couldn't stop the smile on her face as Nicky complained, but cringed at her description. "Nicky, you are not the same as a pair of pants. Besides, they can stitch all that up - you'll be fine."

"Am I not? Because that sounds pretty fucking familiar." Nicky said, her mind casting back to Lorna crying because she'd stitched it wonkily and worrying people would think her ass was higher on one side.

She shifted in her seat, her growing bump not fitting comfortably under the table. She was beginning to know how Red felt with back pain as pain twinged at her spine. Heaving a sigh, Nicky raised an eyebrow at Red. "How's everything with you?"

"It's good. I'm saving up enough so that we should be able to afford somewhere when you get out." Red hesitated, and Nicky noticed straight away.

"What? What is it?"

"I've been helping Marka decorate." Red said tentatively.

Nicky nodded in acknowledgement. "Oh yeah? What's she redoing now - the living room or the other living room?"

"The nursery." Red said. Nicky didn't say anything, but nor did she look annoyed, so she continued. "It's yellow. She ordered the crib which came yesterday too. It's all very beautiful." Red said, a hint of envy in her voice. When her boys were tiny, they had whatever they could afford - for her second and third babies, it was always what the older child had just outgrown. Marka had a steady stream of purchases coming through and never even seemed to bat an eyelid.

Nicky let a smile ghost on her lips for a moment. "Sounds like the baby will have everything she ever needs." The statement sounded nice, but Red knew the meaning behind it.

"I'll take care of her." Red said resolutely. "But I think Marka means what she said too - she's going to give her everything she needs until she can have what she really needs. What every baby really needs - their mom."

"Hmm." Nicky said, staring off into the distance. "I really hope you're right."

"There are tiny elephants on the wall. A little yellow blanket in her crib. It's all so beautiful," Red repeated. "Do you want anything in there?"

Nicky stared at Red and considered for a moment before a small smile crept onto her face. "There are elephants on the wall?"

"Yes," Red said, surprised that Nicky had even been listening. "A stuffed toy elephant on a shelf."

Nicky's eyes lit up. "An elephant with a little patchwork square on its back?"

Red sat up in surprise, and nodded. Red had immediately noticed the intricate detail on the elephant, wondering how much the thing cost. It was certainly unusual. "Yes. How did you know?"

"That was my elephant." Nicky says proudly, sounding like a child who is trying to prove themselves to their parents. "I won it at a fair with Paloma. Marka hated it. But I loved that elephant," Nicky sighed wistfully. "It dropped it from a cab on the way to my grandmother's house once, and it ripped across the back. I thought Marka would make me throw it away, because she'd said that's what she wanted to do before."

"And…?" Red asked. Clearly she hadn't made her daughter throw it out, and Red hoped it would be something nice to remember for Nicky.

"She didn't. Obviously she didn't. She picked it and me up despite wearing one of her garden party dresses...put us back in the cab." Nicky smiled sadly at the memory. "When we got to Nana's house she asked the maid if she knew where the sewing kit was. My grandmother was still busy getting ready, so Marka cut a piece of the dining room curtain off and sewed it onto Flora's back. Nana asked where I'd gotten the elephant from, because it looked familiar." Nicky laughed softly. "I think she did it because she hated her mom too…"

The jovial tone of the conversation turned sour and somber, and Nicky sighed as Red took her hand. "It's one of the best memories I have from when I was little. One of the only good ones." She raised her eyebrows. "I didn't know she kept it."

"That must show she cares, even just a little." Red said. Her hands combed through Nicky's hair, and she smiled.

"I don't pretend to know how Marka's fucked up mind works. And she doesn't pretend that she gets me."

Red knew by Nicky's tone that her reminiscing was over, and nodded minutely.

"So...what's new with you?" Red tried to steer the conversation in a more positive light, and Nicky tilted her head.

"Well. What's new with me? I'm still in prison, but I guess that's old...still pregnant, yep. Nothing new with me." A pang of guilt hit her. "Oh. I had a scan this morning," she admitted, a blush sweeping her cheeks. "I forgot."

"A scan?" Red's face lit up. She felt awful that she would never be there with Nicky through her scans, pregnancy, and worse, birth, but it was monumental that she was going through this. It was so much different from having a grandchild from a son - for one, she had been incarcerated throughout her daughter-in-law's pregnancy, and two, men don't feel the same connection to their unborn child as women do. They simply can't.

Nicky nodded. "Uh-huh. They asked me if I wanted to know the sex."

Red gasped excitedly. "And did you? What is it?" Red's voice was rushed and Nicky chuckled, shaking her head.

"I didn't want to know."

Red shook her head. "You needed to know what was for lunch a week in advance but you can wait nine months to see whether your baby is a boy or a girl. Impressive. Frustrating, because babushkas need to know these things."

Nicky beamed a smile. "She's going to love you."

"And I'm going to love her." Red paused and then continued. "What if she's a he, though?"

"He'll still love you." Nicky teased.

"I mean names, smart ass. Willow is a great name for a little girl, but I'm not sure a boy would want to be called that."

"I'm not settled on Willow." Nicky said, and then she leant back on her chair, considering. "I was flicking through a baby names book in the library. Maybe….maybe Daniel, or Jackson. Or Isaac, maybe."

Red raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "I hope she is a she."

Nicky scoffed, one hand in Red's and another resting on her stomach where she felt the steady stream of kicks. "You're so dramatic. It's better than my name, eh?"

"You're right. But please don't lower your standards to those of Marka's," she laughed. She felt a little guilty, from working alongside the woman day in, day out, but Nicky smiled and it was worth it. "Maybe you'll know what their name is supposed to be when you see them. I can't wait to meet my newest grandchild." Red beamed.

"Me either," Nicky complained. "My back hurts and I can't breathe anymore." She poked her stomach gently. "Get outta there!"

Red smiled. "Don't say that. She's still got some cooking to do in there. We want her - or him," she quickly interjected. "To be strong and healthy. You hear that, little one?"

"I know, I know. I just wish she could come out now."

"Be careful what you wish for, honey." Red said with a raised eyebrow. "You might just get it."

"I don't believe in all of that." Nicky said dismissively. As visitors around them started to get up at the instruction of the CO in charge, Red bent down and placed a kiss on Nicky's forehead.

"I'll see you soon, honey." Red said softly, her breath tickling Nicky's ear.

Nicky smiled and wrapped her arm around Red's neck. "See you soon, Ma."


Hello lovelies! I hope you're having a wonderful weekend.
Tell me what you think in a review, and what you'd like to see.
Also, what do you think Nicky's baby should be; boy or girl? I haven't completely decided yet.
Stay safe and happy.

- Star xo