Disclaimer: I do not own Red vs. Blue

Authors note: This might be a little difficult to read because of the strikethrough format, but bear with me. The strikethrough mark what Caboose either forgot, denies, or warps. Kind of an anthology. Kind of a character study. Kind of a theory exploration. I feel like it being out of order and chaotic kind of matches up with Caboose in general, so yeah.


Don't Fear the Reaper MIA

"-What-the-fuck-ever, he's an adult, okay. Maybe if you all didn't treat him like some big baby, he would understand something as simple as "death". As "dying" and being gone for-e-ver."

Temples words seemingly cause the world around him to deafen into white noise, and he's barely cognisant enough to look at Loco who is stuttering through excuses.

Death. Dying. Gone forever.

If he actually had his Assault Rifle, he knew he'd drop it. He couldn't hold onto it as tightly as he did when Freckles was in it.

His brain is like a kaleidoscope; he constantly has to shift and turn and discern what the resulting shape is. It's never the same shape. Always a different mesh of colours and sounds and feelings and.

" Never say goodbye. If you don't say goodbye, then you aren't really gone, you just, aren't here right now. "

"Spartans never die, they're just missing in action."

It's rare his mind can stay in consistent orientation. It's an accident and it's design. He finds stability in chaos because if he focuses it always goes to-

As much as he tried to hold onto the hope of Church being alive, he felt it slip through his armoured fingers like sand, or glitter. Glitter. It was beautiful, but not something he could keep in his grasp no matter how strong his grip was. It left shiny remnants. Reminders. Nothing of substance.

Church was dead.

He was gone forever.

And if he was gone forever-

A cacophony of images, a flurry of noises; a ringing started in his ears and seemed to reverberate through his body. Through his armour. Through the floor.

Everything was shaking. But he was still. So very still.

Something(s) that was so quiet and polite in a far corner of his mind became loud and rude.

"Hey, rookie! Good job, man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?"

"-do this! Help me!"

"That's not a target. That's Church!"

"One-"

"Target locked."

"I-It hurts so much! Please-"

"What!? No! Target unlock!"

"I-I can't… it'll-..."

"Firing main cannon."

"-okay… Don't you know Spartans never die, Six?-"

"You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!"

"How could you?!"

He killed him.

He killed her.

He killed his leader.

He killed his best friend.

"-I'm sorry Caboose." The rare sincerity in Tucker's voice made the rude thoughts quiet again.

The pain was not quiet. It was loud. He wondered if his friends could hear it too. "Gone-gone?" He asked, so quietly, his visor turned to the ground. He didn't want the others to see the sadness on his face-helmet. "Like Simmon said on Scary Planet?"

"Yes." The fellow blue confirmed.

"Forever?"

"Forever."

"But-"

Tucker shook his head, and the shadow of a rude memory almost made Tucker's Mark-VI armour look like SPI armour, and gray in colour- but it shifted like Caboose's inner kaleidoscope of thought. Back to normal, to regulation VI and bluish. "Sorry, Caboose. Not... this time."

"But, but... I never got to say goodbye. Or, thank you for being my friend." His voice was low and sorrowful. And he felt small again. He felt like he was back on black-rock planet the moon. He felt like he was in front of all but one of his sisters again. He felt like he was stuck in the drivers compartment of Sheila again, Tucker screaming at him to stop the tank; trying to explain what happened to November that that last time he tried to unlock the tank he-

"Tucker did it!"

"She's Missing in Action!"

Guilt Grief was weird.


Helmets Faces and The Military School

Out of all of the Reds and Blues, Simmons and Caboose were the ones who almost never took off their helmets or armour.

Simmons was insecure, he always had been. It was made worse for a bit when he'd been turned into a cyborg. Over the years, he'd gotten better; but to this day he rarely takes off his armour around anyone besides the Reds.

Caboose wasn't insecure, he just couldn't really recognize anyone outside of their armour. Himself included.

"How come they get Mjolnir armour?"

"One is the leader. And Six- well… I mean, he's stronger than a Spartan-II."

"But I hate this stupid fish-bowl helmet!"

"At least it's not as bad as the EVA helmet."

Caboose feels his breath suddenly hitch when he imagines the Meta- no wait… no, not the Meta. His sisters! Most of them had helmets for faces like him, except their visors were bulbous, kind of like a fishbowl like Whiskey-B023 Walla Walla would complain about, usually to their youngest team mate sister Zulu-B046 Zoey. For a long time, all of them were gray, but after a while they got to choose their own colour.

He had chosen blue. His best friend sister chose cobalt. They had both been the most promising of their team siblings, so they got MJOLNIR Mark V armour the nicest school clothes, while their other sisters had to use Semi-Powered Infiltration Armour hand-me-downs.

They always wore armour. He could barely remember a time he wasn't in armour.

Maybe back when he was on the Moon before Onyx. When it was just him and his mom, before he had sisters. Before his dad died in the great war. It was just him and his mom back then.

Then he was in Beta Company a big school, and they told him he was going to be a Spartan special. And he had to wear armour all of the time. There were 418 candidates students. They all had to wear armour all of the time.

He didn't see his mom anymore, but at least he had lots of friends.

Then they had augmentations standardized testing. 300 of them got to graduate. SPARTAN-B057 Caboose didn't pass, he failed one of the tests improved colloidal neural disunification solution drug. The test didn't make him smarter like it did for the others, it overcomplicated his thought process made him think like a kaleidoscope. He didn't think it was fair they were augmented at 12 expected to graduate high school when Spartan-II's were augmented at 14 they were only in middle school.

He wasn't alone, though. Him and some of his fellow Spartan-III's classmates were reassigned sent to summer school instead of kicked out because they only failed one augmentation test, and still had potential.

There were only a few teams classes, and they were split by a number less than 20. SPARTAN-B057 Caboose was originally supposed to go to all-boys teams class but the all-girls teamclass was an odd number, so they put him in it because he was right in the middle of their ages.

They had their old names taken away… he didn't remember what his old-old name was anymore, but his name was now Mike-B057 Michael because it was in the middle of the NATO phonetic alphabet.

Then he had all of his sisters. His best friend older sister was closest to him in age and both of them were counted as the squad leaders middle children. She almost graduated, but the augmentation test she took retina-inversion stabilizer drug made her vision bad instead of good.

They even got a cool name! They were called "Humble Team", because they were wash-outs different from the 300 graduates of Beta Company high school. He wasn't just Mike-B057 Michael, he was also Humble Six. His leader sister November-B013 Nova was the best, so she was Humble One.

They did some missions chores during training summer school, the Spartan-III high school graduates got to go on big operations field trips. The first one they went far away to do cartwheels. The second one they went to Pegasi Delta a museum to look at torpedoes, but it must have been really interesting because most were killed in action still at the museum to this day. Must have been a massacre really nice display. Two of them did come back, but one of them couldn't talk anymore, she was so traumatized dazzled by the operation exhibit, she was mute speechless.

November-B013 died. Nova ran away. All of their teammates sisters never forgave him, saying it was his fault because he mercy killed her helped her. He tried telling them it was what she wanted, but they didn't listen because they were angry and sad. Also, Spartans never die they just go missing in action girls didn't like him.

Gamma Company a new school year started, his team family had to separate.

Some were sent back to the Spartan-III program repeat a school year, but this time they were drill instructors teachers for the new candidates students.

Some were sent to fire teams work experience.

And some, like him and his sisters Bravo-B402 Bria, India-B313 , Juliet-B276 , Sierra -B030 , and Whiskey-B023 Walla Walla were all sent to the needs of the military college. They got to change their names again this time, he changed Mike-B057 to got to keep Michael; he wasn't allowed to tell anyone he was a Spartan-III washout his old names, but he got to have a last name he would use all of the time.

"I am Caboose!"

"Why are you using Temporary Profile randomizer? You can have literally any name you want."

"I will do one for you! Zulu says your name is a bad word."

"...You're a fucking idiot, Six."

Initially he wanted to be a combat engineer go to trade school to be a mechanic, but he wasn't allowed because he had mild tritanomaly was a little colourblind. So, he got sent to infantry community college instead. He was yelled at a lot in basic training freshman year, and even more so during Advanced Individual Training (AIT) sophomore year, but his drill instructors teachers wouldn't fail him because he was way stronger than everyone else, and usually just ignored him by making him do Physical Training (PT) study alone or with a battle-buddy classmate. Usually this person ended up collapsing from exhaustion because they couldn't keep up with him.

Then he went to a remote moon outpost foreign exchange study program for his duty station bachelors degree.


Humble Noble Six

Remote Moon Outpost

23 July, 2552 A.D.

Caboose had been sent outside to guard the base on the remote moon outpost at his college, his unit classmates putting him outside to cool off after their long argumen t class discussion on how breathing in space works not at all .

He's alone guarding like he usually is. It's not because his unit friends didn't want to hang out with him. No, nothing like that. They were just busy. Doing paperwork homework. Yes. Every time it was his turn to do guard.

As he stood guard, a warthog suddenly pulled up.

"Are you Six?" The driver asked.

SPARTAN-B057, designated Mike-B057. Callsign Humble Six.

"Yes." He answered on reflex, because he is Humble Six way older than six.

"Get in! You're late!" The driver chastised, and Caboose automatically climbed in, and they drove off, eventually coming to a landed Pelican.

As the warthog drove into the Pelican for extraction, the pilot came up to them.

"You are Six, right?"

SPARTAN-B057, designated Mike-B057. Callsign Humble Six.

He nodded "Yes." His voice was oddly flat.


"That's a one-way trip."

"We all make it sooner or later. Better get going, Six, they're gonna need you down there. Listen, Reach has been good to me… Time has come to return the favor. Don't deny me this. Tell 'em to make it count. Okay, time for you to leave."

"Goodbye! Thank you for the ride! You are my new best friends and I will never forget you! You probably can't hear me though because everyone knows there is no oxygen on a rollercoaster. I am yelling quieter now because I am further away from you…"

He wasn't sure what happened after that… it was blurry. Jorge-052 his giant friend told him to make it count. He was good at counting, all the way up to the number that comes after 4. He also gave him his dog tags a necklace, which was nice, and he also threw him off of a spaceship dropped him off of the roller coaster.

And then… and then...


Caboose was loaded on a ship carried by a marine alongside Captain Keyes, his head bloodied and his body riddled with bullet holes. He was rested on the floor, barely aware of what was going on outside.

"Bridge, this is the Captain. We have the Package. Returning to the Autumn, over."

"Copy that."

SPARTAN-B312 is supposed to get inside too-

"Who's next?!" His heart drops as he hears a guttural grunt of pain from Emile, and the sounds of plasma blasts. "I'm ready! How 'bout you?!" The defiance in Emile's tone… he knew he was going to die.

The Marine above Caboose "Lieutenant, get on board! We gotta get the hell out of here!"

There's a moment of contemplative silence. Caboose internally begs SPARTAN-B312 to listen.

"Negative. I have the gun. Good luck, sir." He hears his fellow Spartan-III say, and he knew he would say that.

"...Good luck to you, Spartan." Captain Keyes resigned, Caboose fell unconscious just as he felt the Pelican lift off.


After the Reach Campaign his summer vacation, he was WIA sick, so he was put into a cryochamber tanning bed that was cold instead of warm, so he couldn't succumb to his injuries sleep it off.

After he got better enough to be taken out of the cryochamber tanning bed, he was told that he was mixed up with SPARTAN-B312 an old classmate, because they were both from Beta Company the same High School and had similar callsigns names. And although he did decent for the campaign his summer job, the credit would publicly be given to SPARTAN-B312 his classmate because he finished it, and was the one who was selected for the mission passed the job interview in the first place.

Only in his top secret Spartan files permanent record did it say what he really did, and only really important people could see it. He wasn't SPARTAN-B057, designated Mike-B057. Callsign Humble Six just Michael J. Caboose. He was listed as WIA put on workers comp because the Reach Campaign summer job gave him brain damage hurt his head.

After he got all better, he became the Blue Team rookie for Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.

Everything before Blood Gulch was getting blurier and blurier as time went on.

THE END… Go home.


I'm not the first person to theorize that Caboose is a failed Spartan or Spartan-III, and his 17 sisters are actually part of a mostly-female team he was in. I just wanted to expand on that theory a little bit. And the idea that Caboose was the Spartan-III for the Reach Campaign, but not because he is Spartan B-312, just that they were mixed up initially and got switched near the middle/end of the mission.

He was in fact born on the Moon, but his dad died during the war at the hands of the covenant, and his mother neglected him enough in her grief that he was easily kidnapped.

Caboose was washed out because of the "improved colloidal neural disunification solution drug", which is a drug that augments Spartan-III to make them react 3x faster, made his thought process so unbelievably chaotic and complex that he functionally appeared stupid. He did sustain minor brain damage due to blunt force trauma during the Fall of Reach that caused him to be evacuated with Captain Keyes, which was why he was dimwitted during the first season.

His further regression of intelligence and awareness was caused by; O'Malley in his head. O'Malley, Tex and Church in his head shooting guns, the event that made him noticeably regress even more in the second season. And then his suit losing oxygen. And then three AI in his head shooting guns again near the end of the Blood Gulch Chronicles. And then the times he fell off of a cliff, landing on his head. And the drinking gasoline for years.

Caboose has a hard time understanding death because he had it deeply ingrained in him that "Spartans never die, they're just missing in action". With his broken mind, he kind of see's everyone as Spartans even though all of his friends are un-augmented Space Marines. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with his feelings of grief and the guilt he feels over killing November-B013 and later Church.

To explain the whole thing with his 'sister' Nova/November-B013 - she was heavily injured and she begged him to kill her to end the pain. He mercy-killed her, but his other 'sisters' blamed him so that's why, despite having 17 'sisters' he claims that girls do not like him. This deepens his denial of how death works, is why he avoids blame for things, AND why he associates 'helping' someone with shooting them. November-B013 was supposed to be, on a surface level, similar to Church; cobalt Mark V armour, the leader, Caboose's best friend, and a victim of his team-killing. To explain in part why he might have latched onto Church even though he wasn't exactly the nicest guy.

After the Fall of Reach, the UNSC covered it up by saying that Noble Six was SPARTAN-B312 the whole time, after the fact, since he was dead anyways. And they transferred Caboose to the Stimulation Troopers to hide his existence as a wash-out spartan. His Spartan-III identity and files are kept mostly separate from his files as Michael J. Caboose. And to access them, you need extremely high clearance. Beyond the director and counselor type of clearance.