I'll do whatever it takes,
I'll make a million mistakes,
I'll make the world safe and sound for you.

"I'm scared." Nicky admitted, a small bead of sweat forming on her brow. Nicky wasn't afraid of many things. She never feared death, not even when it stared her in the face on three separate occasions. She didn't get scared when she was sentenced to prison - she just got incandescent with rage, spat with anger. If she was truthful with herself, before prison, she didn't really have anything to lose. Now, as she panted between contractions, she felt terror rising in her chest. She had everything to lose.

"It's okay, sweetie." Lorna rubbed circles in the small of Nicky's back as she leaned over the wall of her cube. She leaned down to whisper in Nicky's ear, pushing her hair back gently. "It all starts today. Aren't you even a little excited?"

Nicky gritted her teeth through another wave of pain, swaying her hips like it said in all the books. She attempted to breathe through it. "I haven't felt excitement in a long time," Nicky said, blowing hair out of her eyes. "Remind me, does it feel like you're being ripped in two?"

Gloria laughed from the edge of the cube. "If that's the case then I felt real fucking excited in labor with both my boys."

Nicky's head snapped up and she managed to crack a smile. "I need a favor," she said to Lorna. She winced through the pain. "You'll help me out, won't ya, doll?"

"Depends," Lorna said suspiciously. She let Nicky squeeze her hand through the contraction, wiggling her fingers in the air afterwards.

"I need to make a phone call." Nicky dropped the blanket someone had draped around her shoulders. It was only making her feel claustrophobic anyway, as the blanket had long lost the comforting smell of Red. "Help me over there, will you?"

Lorna bit her lip. "Are you sure that's what you want to do?" Her eyes met Gloria's across the room, who nodded minutely.

"Don't look at her, look at me! I'm not a fucking child. If you don't take me, I'll go by myself." Nicky snapped.

The walk to the phone seemed like an eternity, but once they were there, Nicky wished the walk had been twice as long. She leant against the wall, one hand over the receiver, but not moving to punch in the number.

"What's the matter, sweetie?" Lorna asked patiently, rubbing Nicky's back. A rush of excitement flew through her, along with pangs of jealousy. It wasn't ideal, of course, but the brunette envied Nicky's bump nonetheless. She spent a lot of time thinking up nursery designs and whilst Nicky humored her, it broke her with each suggestion that she would never get to implement for her own child.

Tears stung the back of Nicky's eyes, determined to fall though she tried to stay stoic even in the face of what seemed like unbearable pain. "I want to call Red."

"Well, go on then." Lorna said, reaching out and hovering her hand over the numbers. "What's the number?"

"I can't," Nicky said, her chin quivering like a child's would. "Marka's the one coming to get the baby. I have to call her instead." With one hand on her stomach, Nicky added silently "I have to put my baby first now."

The blonde took a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation she was about to have, and punched in the number. She hadn't heard Marka's voice in months now, not since she'd asked her to look after the baby. That was bad enough, too painful to even rake over again, and though she wanted to feel that burning rage she'd felt throughout her whole life, she only felt trepidation.

"Nicole," Marka's voice sang through the phone. "I didn't expect to hear from you so soon."

Nicky held back a laugh. So soon. It had been months. Instead, she threw her head back and breathed through another contraction. "Yeah, well," she panted, "I only called to tell you I'm in labor. I don't know how long it's going to be."

"Oh! Are you sure?" Marka asked. "I'll have to cancel a few meetings…"

"Thanks." Nicky said flatly. Embers of doubt had been burning in her mind since she decided to let Marka look after the baby, and they were sparking into a bonfire as Nicky realized that work was still the most important thing to the woman she had never known as a proper mother. She could only hope that Red would be there to provide actual love for the baby. She desperately wanted to ask about Red, but resisted.

Silence on the other end was all that kept Nicky company. With an angry and resigned sigh, Nicky slammed the phone down.

On the other end of the line, Marka picked up the phone again after setting it down. "All cancelled!" Marka said breathlessly. "I'm so excited to meet him or her….sweetheart?"

She took the phone from her ear and frowned when she realized it had disconnected. Murmuring something insulting about the state of government institutions and their unreliable phone lines, she got to work preparing herself to meet her grandchild. She had never liked babies, and was a terrible mother...but this time, she hoped, would be different.

In the moments following the phone call, Marka was a one woman hurricane as she hurried around the apartment, picking up pieces of paper and squirreling them away in her purse, unhooking her coat from the stand, and typing away on her phone the whole time.

Red paused in the kitchen, turning the pot of ragu down to a simmer, and listened to the flurry of activity happening in the other room. She wiped her hands on the front of her apron and stepped quietly to the door, sticking her head out curiously.

"Are you okay, Ms Nichols?" Red said, particularly formal, because now Marka was methodically flicking through a rolodex she appeared more like the business woman Red had known her to be before, and less like the scatterbrained boss she had grown to know, who forgot her glasse when they were on top of her head.

Marka gave a start at Red's sudden entrance, and nodded quickly without looking up from her files. "Yes! Everything is fine, Galina. Come on in." She straightened after finding the information she was looking for, and wrapped a scarlet pashmina around her cream sweater.

Red stepped into her office and leant on the desk, raising an eyebrow in intrigue. Marka's eyes shone with excitement, and, Red noted, looking at her trembling hands, slight nervousness. "You remember my daughter, don't you?" Marka looked at Red with a sheepish smile. "Of course you do. You helped decorate the nursery. Anyway," she continued, excitedly gathering papers. "She's in labor right now. She's at the hospital."

Red was glad she was leaning on the table, for her legs almost gave way completely. The room span around her and she didn't have the breath in her lungs to utter a response.

Marka suddenly seemed to have an invisible force weighing her down, too, perhaps at Red's lackluster reaction, because she sat at her desk with a worried glance off into the distance. "The circumstances aren't ideal. I'm going to be honest with you, Galina...you're the only person I've told. Ever since Paolo left I don't have many people I can be myself with."

"Mhm," Red said, but she was mentally counting the days in her head and wondering if something bad had happened that triggered Nicky to labor a few weeks early. Would the baby be okay? Would Nicky? What about her heart? A thousand thoughts ran through Red's head. Marka didn't notice Red's mental absence and continued. "Nicole was just so different," she said, a deep frown forming on her forehead. "We didn't understand each other. And then she went off the rails and I handled everything so wrong. But pride is a funny thing, it stops you from doing what's right."

Red snapped to attention, nodding. Her own past was creeping up on her and she knew what pride could do to a person, to a family. "I know that much," Red said, her voice hoarse. "This is your second chance, Ms Nichols."

"Call me Marka," she said.

"This is your second chance. Don't blow it," Red said. She swallowed hard. "Don't let...Nicole down." The word Nicole was so unnatural, so detached from her daughter. From her Nicky. She felt immensely jealous that Marka knew of Nicky's labor before she did, though she knew it was irrational. She wanted to be at Nicky's bedside, and yet had to fake nonchalance. It was killing her, but the best thing for Nicky was this whole plan working out. It had to work out. There was no plan B.

Marka stood, all of her belongings finally together, and nodded seriously at Red. "I know."

"And Marka?" Red said, just as she was pulling at the door to leave.

"Yes?"

"Good luck, grandma," she choked out. The words hurt to say but she had no choice. She just had to hope that through all of this, she too could look after the baby she considered her grandchild, and do Nicky proud.

Meanwhile, in a hospital far away, Nicky's face had turned purple with effort and the doctors in the room were telling her to push.

"One last push, Nicole!" The doctor who had been there from the beginning encouraged. "One more push and your baby will be born."

Nicky didn't mind that she was being called Nicole. It was easy to detach herself from the situation this way, to push away all of the distractions. Her body was doing most of the work, telling her what she needed to do, and she was grateful for it for once.

"The time is seven-forty seven," the doctor called. "A baby girl!"

Nicky didn't know what to feel. Utter relief. Disbelief that it had happened, finally. A sense of animalistic protectiveness as she sat up on her elbows to watch her baby - her daughter - being weighed. Her cries pierced through the room.

"What are you doing?" Nicky asked anxiously, her eyebrows knitting together. "Is she...is she okay?"

"Just checking her over. She's fine, don't worry." One of the nurses smiled at Nicky and finally handed her the crying infant.

Nicky stared down at the baby in her arms. Bright blue eyes pierced through her, blinking slowly. Nicky brushed her fingers over the baby's forehead, feeling utterly overwhelmed by the tiny life she had brought into the world, albeit accidentally.

"Hi there, little one," she said, her voice so soft she even surprised herself. "I'm your mommy." The word, of course, felt foreign to her lips, especially referring to herself. A wistful smile fell over her features. Would it ever feel natural? She didn't know, but the baby wasn't crying, and Nicky felt thankful that she had a moment to catch her breath.

Bell sat in the corner of the room, unobtrusively doing a crossword puzzle. Thankfully, she'd been in the cafeteria when Nicky's labor had started, for Nicky wasn't sure how much she would have liked someone like Mendez with her at her most vulnerable. Nicky could see her sneaking peeks every few moments, and she couldn't blame her; Nicky had never seen anyone as beautiful before, despite her red face and her tiny rosebud lips puckering in protest as Nicky stopped brushing her forehead.

Pulling up the little pink, white and blue hat with a bow on the front, Nicky chuckled. When they first brought it out for the baby, Nicky had scoffed, unimpressed. What patriarchal bullshit, she had thought as they tucked her ears in it. But then she glanced down at the baby in her arms, and her heart melted.

Nicky looked down at the baby and closed her eyes. She brushed her own cheek over her baby daughter's cheek and marvelled at how it just felt right. "I love you," Nicky whispered after a moment, her own brown eyes opening suddenly. She stared into the baby's eyes. "I didn't know if I would. I know that's a shitty thing to say, but you're not gonna remember. I didn't know if I'd love you...I didn't know if I wanted you." Nicky rocked the baby gently as she began to stir. "Maybe it was just me that was hard to love. Because...I don't know any way I could look down and you and not love you."

Nicky let her head rest on her pillow behind her. Her whole body felt heavy yet she felt so serene at the same time. "I'm gonna protect you from anything bad." Nicky promised. "You're gonna be happy, I'll make that happen...I can be very persuasive. Just as soon as I can, we're gonna make a great team." Nicky smiled.

The baby's shrill cries cut through the room. "Maybe not just now, though," she laughed softly. "It's okay. Everything must be so scary now you're out." Nicky's humming and rocking fell on deaf ears. "Shh, shh...I know, I know," she whispered. "Don't cry, sweetheart." Tears welled in her own eyes, a mixture of hormones and feelings of the past bubbling to the surface, not to mention fears for the future. "Okay, well," Nicky said, wiping her eyes and tracing the baby's features. "You know what they say," she continued, the tears slipping down her cheeks. She wasn't sure if they were tears of happiness and joy, or just sheer terror, but she let them fall. The baby's cries echoed through the room. "If you can't beat them, huh, join them.."

A/N:

Hiya lovelies! I hope you're all having a wonderful week so far.
So...baby Nichols is here.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'd already written the majority of the chapter when I thought of Nicky's heart. I have no idea if they would have let her give birth naturally, but I wasn't rewriting this, so in this universe, they will. Haha.

Please leave me a review telling me what you thought and what you'd like to see.

Hope you're all doing well!
- Star xo