The Purple Troll is plotting - of that Bakugou is completely sure. He just can't figure out what the fuck he's planning. It's been a week since the hair incident and he'd been expecting an immediate retaliation.

Hours at work while filling out tedious paperwork are spent contemplating potential pranks and what his contingency plans might be. Maybe his entire closet will get raided of clothes - Bakugou packs a secondary go bag and leaves it in his work locker. Or perhaps, his apartment will suddenly be filled with packing peanuts - he crosses that one off his list when he researches it, turns out it's wildly flammable and toxic. Shinsou might be a vengeful grape, but he isn't stupid. The locks on his apartment might get changed - so Bakugou spends an afternoon teaching himself how to pick locks, it's a lot easier than he thought it'd be which is unsettling all on its own. What about hair dye in his shampoo? He makes a habit of checking the bottles every time. But seven long fucking days tick by and there's nothing.

Instead, Shinsou acts like nothing even happened. They watch anime online while each working on case files in their respective homes. Bakugou refills Shinsou's fridge with prepared meals and scolds him for the millionth time about having a healthy diet. Macavity continues to betray Shinsou every time Bakugou comes over and Bakugou continues to bribe her heavily. Then, out of the blue, after seven days of NOTHING while Bakugou critically watched his every move, some real sketchy behavior that means Shinsou is up to something starts to appear.

It starts so slowly that Bakugou almost doesn't notice. The first he catches it is at a party at Mina's. A rare evening when a majority of his former 1A classmates have off from patrols, and Kiri won't shut up till he shows. He's an hour late, drenched from the sudden downpour he just had to sprint through from the train station, and thoroughly pissed to even be there. He heads to the kitchen to drop a six pack in the fridge and Mina and Shinsou are in there, heads bent close as they talk. He walks in and they stop immediately with guilty expressions.

"Bakuboy!" Mina shrieks, leaping for him, arms outstretched, and he narrowly avoids ending up with a Mina shaped koala wrapped around him. "You made it! Kiri said you were coming but I told him no way! You totally cost me lunch!"

"Already regretting it." Bakugou grunts, shoving her away with a flattened palm to the face. He snags a beer and abandons the two pastel freaks to find more interesting people to talk to, assuming there are any, probably not.

An hour later, when the rain has finally stopped, leaving the streets below smelling fresh and clean for a brief period of time, he steps out onto the balcony to get away from the non-stop chatter Deku has been drowning him in. Already out there are Shinsou and Kiri, leaning on the railing as they chat, beers dangling over the empty alley below. Again, the conversation stops.

"Hey Kats! Come join us!" Kiri waves him over. "Shinsou and I were just chatting abou-"

"Nothing." Shinsou deadpans. "We were talking about nothing." Violet eyes scan Bakugou's shirt and Bakugou can't help but look down. What the fuck is he staring at? Shinsou mumbles a vague "Huh" and vanishes back inside the apartment, dropping onto the sofa next to Deku of all people, who seems to have only just realized Bakugou had abandoned him and his muttering.

"What the fuck was that about?" Bakugou demands, still examining his shirt.

"What? Oh Shinsou was just asking me about the dye I use. I guess he's looking for something more permanent?" Kiri rubs the back of his neck awkwardly under Bakugou's critical gaze.

"He just dyed his hair a week ago - it can't be fading already."

"I don't know man, he asked, so I told him."

When Bakugou gets home he throws out the rest of his haircare products.

The next day as Bakugou strides into work at The Genius Office at the ass crack of dawn, he crosses paths with Shinsou, which is weird on a number of levels. First, because Shinsou doesn't fucking work there, and their agencies rarely team up. Second because Bakugou didn't think Shinsou was physically capable of getting up this early. The plethora of cat memes awaiting him on his phone this morning are evidence that Shinsou was up so late he'd crossed the line from night to morning at least semi-conscious. Third because when Bakugou does spot him, he's skulking away from his desk, shoulders slumped, hands shoved in his pockets, hair predictably shitty. Although the fact that the orange streak is still there does make Bakugou grin for a half second before the freak opens his mouth and speaks.

"Sup 'slodey?" Shinsou gives him a two finger salute and gets in the elevator Bakugou just stepped out of. As the doors slide shut Shinsou gives him another once over and smirks. "Lookin' good."

When Bakugou turns back around Best Jeanist is standing there and Bakugou scowls, hands crackling in frustration.

"What?!"

"Nothing." Jeanist replies, raising an appraising eyebrow at Bakugou. "Team meeting in twenty, don't be late."

Bakugou spends ten minutes searching his desk for anything out of place and another nine in front of the bathroom mirror trying to figure out what's wrong with his outfit. As far as he can tell, fucking nothing.

The next evening, Bakugou rolls up to Shinsou's place like he always does on Tuesdays, arms full of groceries because the purple freak wouldn't know a nutritious meal if it punched him in the face. Kicking the door shut behind him he freezes, eyes narrowed in suspicion as Shinsou shoves a plastic bag into a nearby cabinet.

"You're early."

"No I'm not." Bakugou eyes the cabinet as Shinsou leans against it, blocking access. "What the fuck was that?"

"What was what?" They stare each other down for a few moments, accusing crimson clashing with bored amethyst, before Bakugou decides he's not in the mood to wrestle Shinsou away from his own fucking furniture, and spins on his heel and heads for the kitchen.

The entire time Bakugou is prepping food Shinsou hovers suspiciously, attempting to help, which only earns him a scolding and a foot to his ass as Bakugou literally kicks him out after he chops onions the wrong way. Officially banned from the kitchen, Shinsou settles on a stool at the counter watching Bakugou instead of ditching him for the living room like he usually does to play Pet Farm or whatever the fuck the game is called.

"What are you making?" Shinsou asks, like he's ever given a shit about it.

"What the fuck do you care? You're gonna eat it no matter what." Bakugou chops the carrot in his hand so hard that a piece goes flying, followed soon after by a delighted Macavity, Shinsou's cat, who chases it across the floor.

"Just trying to make conversation." Shinsou drawls, dropping his chin in a hand. It's the longest Bakugou's seen him without a phone in his hand and he can't figure out why that bothers him so much.

"You don't 'make conversation'," Bakugou grunts, pointing the knife a Shinsou's face, but he gets no reaction beyond a slow blink. "That's one of the only reasons I can tolerate your shitty presence."

"Ouch." Shinsou feigns hurt and finally, finally abandons Bakugou to go sulk in the living room. As soon as he's out of sight Bakugou rips open the cabinet and digs out the bag.

In it is duct tape in a variety of colors, a bag of cotton balls, a box of sporks, and a small purple troll.

What. The fuck.

He spends the rest of his time at Shinsou's contemplating what the hell you would use those things for and comes up empty. Halfway through stewing and cooking Bakugou's eye starts twitching and never stops and he briefly considers simply punting Shinsou through a wall before he can finish whatever he's scheming.

Grape Goblin: so he should be gone by 8, that work for you? [GIF attached]

Bakugou: ?

Grape Goblin: sry, wrong person

Bakugou glares at his phone for the hundredth time and checks the clock again - eight fifteen. Any longer and he's going to be late for work. He has no clue who Shinsou meant to text, or if he was even talking about him, but Bakugou hovers at home for another five minutes before triple checking the locks on all the windows and bolting for the train station. He makes it in time to dive through the shutting doors, startling the entire car when he collapses into a seat engulfed in fire and smoke. He can only hope a twenty minute delay is enough to disrupt any plans that are in motion.

It isn't till Kiri corners him after his patrol shift to try and get Bakugou to go out for drinks with friends at eight that it dawns on Bakugou Shinsou's text never specified AM or PM. Fuck. He spends the next two hours enduring a flood of not very persuasive arguments from Kiri about why it'd be good for him to go (it wouldn't), how much he'll enjoy it (he won't), and how everyone is expecting him to show up (unlikely). Eventually Kiri gives up, dragging himself away to mope somewhere with people who might actually care and Bakugou assumes that's the end of it and he can spend the evening guarding his own damn apartment against would be pranksters.

Except three other people text him asking if he's going to be there tonight.

First is Mina, which is unsurprising. Kiri probably went straight to her after Bakugou went all impenetrable brick wall and if it isn't Shitty Hair hounding him to 'be social' it's the Pink Raccoon. Between a variety of GIFs, bribes, and memes she makes the same arguments and Bakugou doesn't even bother answering her. The read receipt is message enough.

Then Deku texts him, which is not entirely unusual, the man texts like a caffeinated chihuahua - aggressively, with frequency, and primarily incoherently. Except the text this time is carefully written and missing the usual overabundance of emojis, which means Deku really wants him to show and doesn't want to annoy him into skipping out of spite. Too bad for him it doesn't work. Bakugou mutes Deku's alerts for twenty four hours on principle.

An hour after that, Shinsou texts him, and Bakugou knows the Sleep Goblin would rather volunteer to do his entire agency's backlog of reports than get trapped in a crowded bar with a bunch of wasted UA grads, which means he's just trying to suss out if Bakugou is going or not.

Eyebags: Ashido won't shut up about tonight, u going?

Bakugou: wtf do you care? It's not like you're going.

Eyebags: obvi, nothing comes before season 8 of AOT

Bakugou: WATCHING WITHOUT ME? FUCK YOU

Eyebags: no u angry troll, that's why I'm texting #yourewelcome

Again with the troll thing. Bakugou huffs in annoyance. He can't say no, and Shinsou knows it. An excuse to not be the volun-told DD and get to start the latest season of Attack on Titan? Too good to pass up.

Bakugou: I can be there at 9

Eyebags: 8 and bring dinner or I'm cooking.

Bakugou: My place then.

Eyebags: But Macavity would be so sad. She's already disappointed in you. [image attached]

Uuuuuugh. It's cruel to use the cat against him, but Shinsou is a ruthless motherfucker and he'll use anything he can if he wants something.

Bakugou: Fucking FINE.

Eyebags: [GIF attached]

At least if he's in the same room as Shinsou he can't sneak off to do whatever he was planning... right?

Except unlike the other night, tonight Shinsou is inseparable from his phone. Texting so frequently they have to restart an episode four times because he keeps missing a critical part. After the fifth restart Bakugou nails Shinsou in the face with a pillow and wrestles his phone from him. It's locked so he can't tell what he was texting but at least they can watch the show in fucking peace.

On the coffee table Shinsou's phone buzzes thirty seven more times and Bakugou is beginning to wonder if he's going to be stuck in prank purgatory forever.

"Wait, what goes in slot 6b again?"

Bakugou sighs and abandons his own paperwork to give Shinsou his full attention on his laptop. "That's where you have to list all the witnesses to the damage. You took names on site right?"

Shinsou shuffles through a pile of papers, frowning, "uh... yes!" He holds one up triumphantly. "How do you have this form memorized?"

"I fill out property damage reports literally every week. You have no idea how often I've been kicked through a wall." Bakugou flops back on his bed, rolling his head to direct narrowed eyes at Shinsou. "What I want to know is how you haven't had to fill this out before."

"I'm stealth. If a building is collapsing it usually means I've fucked up." Shinsou points a finger at the screen before Bakugou can make the obvious comment. "Don't say it."

"You opened that door, I'm gonna fucking walk through it."

"Or - here's an idea - you could not." In the background Shinsou's doorbell rings. "One sec, brb."

"Please don't use texting slang in conversation. It kills my soul."

"Lmfao!" Shinsou quips as he vanishes from the room.

Bakugou's about to go back to his own never ending stack of forms when his eyes snap to the computer, was that Sero's voice? Plugging in headphones he boosts the volume, he didn't even realize Shinsou knew Sero.

"- problem. Happy to help for the right price."

"Thanks Sero, will this cover it?"

"Another twenty and it's a deal."

"Geez you're expensive."

"Trust me, it'll be worth every penny."

"Fine fine."

When Shinsou appears back onscreen Bakugou's headphones are gone and he's staring intently at his paperwork.

"Back. Ok, so in the part where you have to estimate costs accrued..."

There's a salad and a protein shake sitting on Bakugou's desk at work.

There's a salad and a protein shake he didn't buy, sitting on his desk at work.

There's a salad and a protein-

"What." Bakugou comments with supreme intelligence, because honestly this week has taken a lot out of him and fuck words.

"Oh yeah." Ria, his desk neighbor and sometimes patrol partner, tilts back in her seat to meet his confused gaze. "Your friend stopped by, said it was his turn to buy you lunch. When I said you were doing rounds he left it here, said he had to go back to work?"

"Shitty hair." Because there's no one else he eats lunch with. Ever.

"No, not shiny boy. Which, side note, your sure he's gay right? Like one hundred percent?" Ria asks, looking momentarily dreamy.

"Get fucked." Bakugou snaps, which makes no sense at all but there is a salad and a PROTEIN SHAKE on his desk.

"That's what I'm trying to do B. Keep up." Ria rolls her eyes at his scowl and gestures to the food. "Purple boi left it. The one who looks like he needs like, an eon of sleep? When he dropped it off he said it was 'his turn'." She makes air quotes with her fingers.

At that comment Bakugou immediately sweeps both offending items off his desk and into the trash, earning a yelp of protest from the other Pro Hero.

"Hey, if you didn't want it, I would have eaten it! That looked good!"

"Trust me, you don't want it." He might not consider Ria a friend but he respects the hell out of her and he's not about to unleash whatever Shinsou's plotting on her accidentally.

"Fine grumpy gills, I guess I'll just starve to death."

Bakugou flips her off and storms away to find food he can trust for lunch.

Fridays Bakugou always does the night shift. It has the best odds of him coming across a villain that needs punching, and it gives him an automatic out on Deku's semi regular game night. Bakugou would be willing to do literally anything over playing Scattegories with Deku and fucking Icy Hot. The one and only time he'd been tricked into going, by Round Cheeks of all people, he'd spent the entire evening sulking in the corner. Mostly trying to decide if it was possible to stab himself with the tiny pencils everyone was writing with enough times to bleed out and spend the night in the hospital instead. He'd switched to Friday night shifts the next day.

So it was four in the morning when he finally stumbled into his apartment, exhausted, starving, and covered in dirt and grime from the villain he'd wrestled to the ground in an alley before dragging them cuffed to the police station. He flips on the living room light, debating how gross it would be to skip the shower and just pass out in bed fully dressed, when he spots a purple troll doll sitting on his coffee table, smiling up at him.

The same stupid troll doll he'd found at Shinsou's place days earlier.

Shinsou has been in his apartment.

Unsupervised.

For an unknown amount of time.

His banshee scream of rage probably wakes half the people in the building and earns him yet another noise complaint but he doesn't care. He needs to know what Shinsou did to his apartment and end this. Now.

He's torn through half the apartment when he finally hits speed dial and calls the bane of his existence.

"Yo, you're still up?" Shinsou asks, as if he doesn't fucking know why Bakugou is calling.

"What. Did you do. To my apartment?" Bakugou grinds out through clenched teeth. The troll in his hand ignites and he drops the melted pile of plastic on the floor as he continues to tear through his place and chew out Shinsou at the same time. "I know you were fucking in here. With your troll and your duct tape and your SPORKS." He finds one said spork in the utensil drawer in his kitchen and shakes it at the sky like Poseidon's trident.

"I didn't do anything."

"TROLL." Bakugou screeches, nearly incoherent in his rage.

"Troll?" Shinsou repeats, sounding vaguely amused on the speaker phone as Bakugou continues shredding his kitchen.

"Troll." Bakugou agrees.

"Bakugou."

Bakugou doesn't answer, too busy searching his sofa next.

"BAKUGOU!" Shinsou is gasping with laughter now and it only makes Bakugou angrier. "I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Liar!" Bakugou hisses at the phone where it sits accusingly on his counter. "You have been up to something this whole week. First Mina and Kiri. Then Sero. And the texts and the shopping and the fucking. God damn. TROLL."

Shinsou can barely speak through his cackling and he takes a few deep wheezing breathes to reign himself in so he can talk again.

"I swear. I SWEAR your special cave of skulking is entirely untouched." At Bakugou's angry snarl Shinsou corrects himself. "Ok except for the troll and ONE spork. Besides that, it's as virginal as you are."

"I'm not- gah fuck you." Bakugou carefully removes every All Might fan merch from his book shelf one at a time, checking them for betrayal.

"Bakugou, I promise I -" more laughter mocks Bakugou from his phone. "Oh this is so much better than I thought it would be. Revenge achieved."

"What?!" Bakugou slams the video button on the call so Shinsou can really appreciate the rage first hand.

"Oooo yes, that's the face I was imagining! Shouldn't have messed with the hair." Shinsou smirks at the camera, the background behind him is out of focus but he's clearly not home. Bakugou ponders how long it'd take to find him and punch him. As if sensing this new train of thought Shinsou raises both hands. "Prank over, I swear. I feel completely vindicated."

"You didn't do anything to my apartment?"

"Not a thing."

"Or my desk?"

"Nope."

"My shampoo?"

"Nuh uh."

"Nothing?!"

"I swear."

Bakugou leans in close to the camera, "swear on your god damn cat you've done nothing."

Shinsou places a hand on his heart and looks Bakugou dead in the eye, "I swear on Macavity, the light of my life and queen of the world, that I have done nothing."

"Good. Prepare to die." Bakugou hisses and ends the call. It's been the week from hell and some god damn hair dye did not warrant this. Fully awake now Bakugou storms through the demolished remains of his apartment and into the shower, already plotting his revenge.

oh yes, Shinsou is going to pay dearly for this.