"What?" Nicky stammered. "Early release?"

"Yep," Caputo confirmed, raising his eyebrows at his almost former inmate. "The board of directors find it abhorrent that so many mothers and babies are separated, apparently." He tipped his head towards her. "Didn't bother them when Diaz was separated from hers, though. Only applies when relatives start suing the DOC."

Nicky's head span, but she caught that last detail clearly. She snapped back into focus. "Huh? Who is suing the DOC?"

"Mrs Marka Nichols, according to this document I've been sent this morning. Consider yourself lucky, Nicky," he continued, letting the paper settle with the stacks of others on his desk. "Not many people have this opportunity, let alone the resources you have on the outside."

"Mm," Nicky said faintly, neither agreeing or disagreeing. He was right, despite her misgivings about Marka, and Nicky wondered why her mother hadn't phoned to tell her what she'd done. Though she was of course happy she would see Parker again much sooner than she had ever dared to hope, it was just yet another thing that Marka had gone over her head about.

"Seriously, Nichols. I know you have your problems with your mom, and all-"

"There's problems and then there's choosing your boyfriend over your kid." Nicky's eyes flickered to meet Caputo's, and she hated the sympathy that lingered in his expression for a moment. "I would never do that to Parker."

"No-one is perfect."

Nicky laughed. "How are you not just fucking done with the human race?" She shook her head. "If this place hasn't jaded you, I don't know what will, Mr Caputo."

Caputo sighed. "You have to make that choice everyday. You don't just become immune to life. You just...go on."

"Or sometimes, you just stop," Nicky said. "I think that's harder, you know. Everyone moving on without you on the outside. My baby's three months old, Caputo. She can smile and laugh and I haven't taught her a single thing, except that life is unfair."

"Arguably the most valuable lesson you could teach her," Caputo offered. A smile skimped Nicky's features, and he returned it with a genuine grin. "Don't take this for granted. Go home! See your baby. And do me a favor, forget all about this place. And convince your fucking mother to as well. I can't deal with another lawsuit." He shook his head, his eyes falling to the succulents that, despite Red's expert advice, had failed to thrive.

Nicky chuckled softly. "For you, Mr Caputo, I'll give it a try. You better believe in miracles, though; Marka has never listened to me a day in my life. I don't see why that would change now."

"You've changed now, Nichols." He sounded genuine.

Nicky's jaw worked as she took in the compliment. "I hope so." She paused for a moment. "When am I leaving?"

Caputo consulted his computer for a moment before turning his attention back to Nicky. "You can be home as soon as tomorrow, Nichols."

Nicky swallowed. "Tomorrow?" she echoed. She inhaled deeply through her nose, pushing her hair back roughly. "Thank you, Caputo. Is that everything? I...I have some goodbyes to say."

Caputo nodded. "Go on."


"What?" Lorna cried. "You're leaving tomorrow?!" It was like a switch had been flipped. A moment previously the brunette had been smiling and telling Boo all about her newest lipstick, and now...tears streamed down her face in a waterfall.

Nicky swallowed, and she blinked back tears. They'd had years together, and leaving a person at such short notice would always be a blow to both parties. "Listen, doll...you only have a year or so left, right?"

"Thirteen months," Lorna said bluntly, her face darkening. She let a sob escape. "I can't be in here without you, Nicky!"

Nicky pulled Lorna closer, planting a kiss on the top of her head. "Well, I'm sorry, Lorn," she murmured, blinking back her own tears. "I think you're gonna have to."

"Will you phone?" Lorna sobbed. "And visit?" Lorna sank her fingers into Nicky's arm, clinging onto her like a liferaft. "You know, I don't get so many visitors."

"I'll phone all the time," Nicky promised. She covered Lorna's cheek in kisses. "But I don't know how much I'll be able to visit. Parker...she's gonna need me, you know?"

"I need you," Lorna cried. Nicky found herself detaching from the situation. It was a trick she'd learnt as a child - probably an unhealthy one, but it worked to protect herself from what was going on around her. When she was especially little, and her parents were having another blazing row, she would go back to storytime with Paloma. She could recite Cinderella, Red Riding Hood and The Three Little Pigs in her sleep. Now, she almost saw it as a positive. She had dreamed about reading them to Parker - and that's where she went now. She hoped that when she finally could read them to Parker, she felt less lonely than she had back then. She almost shivered as she thought about it, even now.

But, sensing Lorna's distress, Nicky's eyes focused back on the situation. She turned to Boo. Her eyes searched Boo's desperately. "You'll look after her, won't you?" Nicky said, giving Boo's shoulder a firm squeeze. Boo's face lit up in a grin.

"Of course I will, son. Emotionally, physically…" she raised an eyebrow at Lorna and pulled her closer. "Real physically, if that's what she needs."

Lorna wiped her eyes. "I don't think that will be necessary," she sniffed, leaning further onto Nicky.

"I'm kidding. Besides, I got my eyes on someone else…" Boo's gaze fell to a blonde that Nicky didn't know, and then Boo slapped Nicky's back gleefully. "I'll look after your girl, Nichols. Gotta have family in here."

Nicky smiled faintly. Her family was on the outside now, wasn't it? So why did she feel like she was leaving so much behind? Still, the family she had built from behind bars would always, she hoped, be behind her. She inhaled the smell of Lorna's raspberry shampoo, and drew her closer. "Come on, Lorna...can't you be a little happy for me?"

It was a big ask, and Nicky knew it, but Lorna nodded tearfully. "Of course I'm happy for you. It's the way it should be," she choked out. "I just hope Parker knows how lucky she is to have you."

Nicky let herself smile. Lucky to have her as a mother, who would have thought it? But the words did comfort Nicky. "You can tell her that yourself when she's screaming that she hates me at fifteen."

Lorna looked up at Nicky. "You better believe I'll be there then," Lorna said seriously. "I'll be there in thirteen months, Nicky."

Nicky didn't know whether to believe it or not; it wasn't like Lorna had the best track record when it came to the truth, but it was a nice thought nonetheless, and she hoped she would be. Nicky smiled, just as tearful as Lorna now. She blamed the hormones. "I'll see you there."

Gloria saw the interaction and stepped out of the kitchen. She shook off her hair net and joined the small crowd forming. "You okay, Nichols?" she asked uncertainly. She had taken her promise to Red seriously; she looked after all of her girls, even the ones on loan to her.

Nicky nodded enthusiastically. "I'm getting out."

"No shit," Gloria said in surprise. "You're lucky, girl. Go back to your mama and baby and make the most of it. I know I would."

Nicky looked up at Gloria sympathetically. Now she knew what it was like to be separated from her child, she had no clue how Red and Gloria and every other mother in the prison coped with it so well. It had been slowly killing her. "Hey, Mendoza?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for everything you've done for me." Nicky scratched the back of her neck. She was never good at emotional goodbyes or thank yous. She found them awkward and unnecessary most of the time, but today it felt right, even if a little stilted. "If you ever need anything, you have my number. Well, you have Red's, and you know...I'm with her."

Gloria smiled, and touched Nicky's arm. "Thanks, Nichols. You take care of yourself, okay? And take pictures of that little one. They don't stay that way for long."

Nicky grinned. "I know."


"Come celebrate with me, asshole," Nicky said, sauntering round the corner. She could smell the weed before she saw him, and he heard her before he saw her. As she leaned on the wall, Luschek looked away. His own eyes were misty, but who could tell if it was emotion or intoxication? Not Nicky. She bit her lip and took a drag from the cigarette he was held out to share with her, her hands trembling.

"So…" he breathed. The atmosphere around them was thick, and he wondered if she could feel it too. "Out tomorrow, huh?"

"You heard my news then," Nicky said flatly. She took a deep breath. "I don't know if I can do it," Nicky admitted.

"Do what?" Luschek said, refusing to look down at her.

"You know, be on the outside," she said quietly. Luschek couldn't help but smile; when was Nicky ever quiet? "Fuck off, quit laughing!"

"I'm not laughing," he assured her, finally glancing in her direction. He took the cigarette back, blowing out a cloud of smoke. "You're a mom now, aren't moms supposed to know everything?"

Truthfully, he couldn't imagine Nicky as a mom - even when he'd seen them together at visitation and she'd been in her element it seemed totally wrong to him. When he imagine her on the outside - not that he thought of her on the outside, of course (or at least that's what he told himself) - he imagined her smoking and strutting, in her element in some office job where she hated wearing the skirts and hated being told what to do but got through it anyway. He didn't see her as someone who would be coming back to this place, and he was glad - but even he would miss her.

"You know what I know now I'm a mom?" Nicky asked, leaning against the wall of the greenhouse, inhaling the fresh air before it was her turn to take another drag again. Luschek shook his head, gesturing for her to continue. "Moms knowing everything is bullshit."

Luschek laughed. "You didn't know that already?"

Nicky conceded, flicking ash onto the floor. "I guess you're right. Marka didn't know shit."

"Nor did my mom, if it makes you feel better," Luschek said.

Nicky eyed him up and down. "I guessed."

Luschek laughed despite the insult, and sighed deeply. He paused for a moment, watching her grind her teeth, and then uncrossed his arms. "I'm gonna miss you, you know. Call me crazy."

"You're crazy. But hey, call me a masochist, because I'm gonna miss your crazy, high, lazy ass too."


Nicky slipped into bed that night, clutching Red's crocheted blanket around her tightly. She felt like a child herself, and wondered what it would feel like to one day tuck Parker into bed. She swallowed the guilt that made her want to throw up at the memory of desperately not wanting her child. It was an abhorrent thought now, and she wondered how on earth there was a point where she didn't love that little girl. She'd regret those months of wishing her out of existence for the rest of her days.

She'd already decided that she'd give the blanket to Lorna. Part of her wanted to take it with her, and use it to keep her safe. But by then she'd have Red in person, and she wouldn't need a blanket to keep her warm. She would still worry about Lorna, but at least she would know that she was warm.

Nicky stared up at the ceiling, just like she had done every other night. She had never told anybody, but when she found out she was pregnant she would talk to her belly. Red had told her it would help with bonding, and truth be told, it had helped her feel less alone. And even when Parker had been taken away on that god-awful day that would always be Nicky's worst, she hadn't stopped. She still talked to her baby girl now.

Tonight, it sounded different. More upbeat. She even smiled as she said the words she had been waiting to say for months now. "Parker, baby," she whispered, counting the pocks in the ceiling tiles despite having done it hundreds of times before. "Tomorrow is our last day apart. I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and teach you everything...you're never gonna learn to walk because I am never putting you down, not again." Happy tears slipped down Nicky's cheeks. "Do you hear that, Parker?" she asked, having long past the initial embarrassment of talking to herself. "Mommy's coming home."


A/N:

Hi lovelies!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave me a review telling me your thoughts!

To the guest asking me where I got the idea for this fic -
I was sitting around and suddenly got this flash of Nicky, lying in her bunk singing Hush Little Baby (the alternate title to this fic!) to her pregnant belly. I worked the plot around that vision.
Imagine my surprise when the exact same scene came in S6 with Lorna! I freaked out. SO weird and cool!

Hope you're all safe and well.

- Star xo