Chloe had enjoyed having some space from Evan and living with the girls. It had been nice. Although she had had quite a few texts from Evan. "Another one?" Emma asked as her phone pinged again. "I think you've gotta either talk to him or block him." Riley advised.
Chloe,
I totally understand that you need some space. But I've only seen you in passing for about a week now and I'm worried about you. Can you let me know that you're okay.
Evan
Chloe read it out to the room. "I think I'll talk to him tomorrow in my lunch break if he's on shift."
"Maya. I'm a little worried about your temperature, it's a bit high. How are you feeling?" Chloe asked
"I've got a bit of a headache, and am tired but that's normal isn't it."
"Probably, I know I said I'd let you go home today, but I'd like to keep an eye on you, make sure there's no infection. Sorry Maya."
"S'okay I guess. Chloe, sorry to be cheeky, do you have any headphones I could borrow. Mine broke and I'd love to listen to some music?" Maya lowered her voice "and it might stop Mrs Letterman telling me about her grandchildren 10 times over. I now know more about her family than I do my own!"
"I'll see what I can do" Chloe winked at her.
"Miss Goddard, how's Miss Greene?" Her boss Ms Naylor barked.
"She's doing ok, but her temperature is a bit high so I'd not feel comfortable discharging her until it's back down."
"Ok, Mr McDonnell bay 6." She barked again handing Chloe a file. Chloe walked into the bay and did a double take. But he confirmed her fears. " Chloe Goddard, who'a thought it." He laughed in a Scottish accent. But she stayed professional "Ben McDonnell. Nice to see you again."
"So you made it then? Can't cope Chloe did become a doctor after all?"
She bit her lip. Ben McDonnell has been in her year at school. Him and his cronies had coined her nicknames 'can't cope Chloe' and 'cutting chloe' it's hard to keep anything secret in a school. He was one of the reasons she'd moved down to England after uni.
"What seems to be the problem?" She asked him. Was in a car crash, a and e sent me up here because I had chest pain and couldn't breathe. Reminded me of 16 year old you having a panic attack in maths class, Remember that? Cutting chlo."
"It's Miss Goddard. Ok let me have a listen to your heart" she did and heard a murmur. "Ok I'll be back in a bit." She said and took a deep breath and went to grab her headphones from her bag for Maya.
"Here you go Maya." She handed the headphones to the teenager. "Have you been drawing again?"
"yeah, this is Ms Naylor" Maya smiled as she turned the pages of her sketch book. I tried to draw you but couldn't get you right." Maya turned her hands over as she said this.
"Maya, how long have you had those red spots on your hands?"
"This is the first time I've seen them! Is it a problem?"
"Maybe, let me do a blood test and we'll see what that shows. It might be nothing, try not to worry."
"Ms Naylor, I used to know Mr McDonnell, could I get someone else to take him on as a patient?" Chloe asked.
"In what capacity?"
"He went to my school."
"Did you have a relationship with him, or a close friendship?"
"No but..."
"Then it's not an issue for you to treat him then is it" Ms Naylor interrupted.
Chloe took a deep breath "Mr McDonnell, You need blood test." Chloe said to her patient emotionlessly. "Mr McDonnell?" He mocked "come on can't cope Chloe, we're old friends, call me Ben."
"Ok...Ben fine." She said as Nicky came over "this is Dr McKendrick and she will do your blood test." Chloe said.
"Are you not going to introduce me to your colleague properly Can't Cope?" Ben asked
"Ben, Nicky..Nicky, Ben" Chloe said.
"Can't cope?" Nicky asked.
"Childhood nickname. I'll explain later." Chloe whispered.
"What are you whispering about Cutting Chlo?"
"Nothing" Chloe said and walked off she didn't want to talk to him and Nicky was there to do the blood test.
"What was that all about? With Ben?" Nicky asked a little later.
"We went to the same school. And when I was a kid, well a teenager. I had panic attacks, like anxiety you know. Don't look so worried, I'm ok now." Chloe assured her.
"Is that what happened in Maya's surgery the other day?"
"No, well kind of, I felt a little bit anxious but I took some deep breaths. I have my coping mechanisms and I'm okay."
"What about the other one? Cutting Chlo" Nicky asked.
"Shhh." Chloe shushed her even though they were the only ones in the locker room.
"I used to self harm, but it was a long time ago." Chloe felt bad lying but knew if the truth came out it could impact her career. "I'm fine now, I have my coping techniques. I could just do without an old school bully taunting me."
"Chloe, you are an amazing doctor, and he works in a supermarket. Look how far you've come since school. Let me take over." Nicky smiled. And Chloe nodded.
"Hey lovely." Chloe said to Maya, "bad news but you've got an infection. I need to do an echo to check if there's any fluid around your heart. If there is we will need to drain it. I'm sorry Maya."
"S'okay. It's not your fault, these things happen. A few more days off of sixth form will be okay. Anything to keep me away from the boys in my maths class."
"Teenage boys hey, the worst!" Chloe sighed as she did the echo. "Okay Maya, so there is an infection around the heart, and there is a little bit of fluid around the heart but we should be able to drain it with a syringe, no need to open you up again."
"And you can do it?"
"Yes, of course."
"We'll give you a local anaesthetic so you won't feel any pain, but there's no need to put you to sleep this time. And we'll give you a sedative. We'll have to take you downstairs to a theatre on AAU since the Darwin ones are booked up"
"Ready Maya? Chloe smiled at the teenager. "So like I said we're going to drain the fluid from around your heart with a syringe. There will be quite a big needle but you won't feel anything, you might want to close your eyes, totally up to you. Okay?"
"Okay"
Chloe pulled on a gown and gloves.
"So Maya," Nicky asked to keep her calm "what A-Levels are you doing?"
"Psychology, geography, maths and biology"
"Oh what do you want to do after sixth form?"
"I'm not really sure, they were just the ones I was most interested in, and my dad wanted me to do maths and I got a 9 in my GCSE, it's like an A*. I don't love maths but I'm good at it I guess. I have that logical brain."
Chloe put the needle in, it was in the wrong place. She couldn't drain the fluid. See he's right you can't cope. Shut up, shut up. I'm a good doctor. You're not if you were you would have got it right the first time. Breathe, breathe Chloe you stupid girl.
"Chloe are you okay?" Nicky asked.
She withdrew the needle and tried again. All of a sudden Maya's sats dropped and she was struggling to breathe "I feel funny" the teenager gasped.
See Chloe you can't even do a simple procedure. Can't cope, can't cope, can't cope
"Chloe? You must have nicked the lung and caused a pneumothorax. You need to do a chest drain. Don't worry Maya we can sort this"
Must be that evil part of you, you mother can always cope. Rape baby, born of hate, can't cope.
"I can't...page Ms Naylor...I need some air." Chloe ran out of theatre, stripped off her gown and gloves and ran to the stairs going down them 2 at a time, stumbling and gasping for air the same things going through her head can't cope, can't cope, can't cope. See they were right, you're nothing, nothing, a baby born of hate. Hated. Hated.
She got to the bottom of the stairs towards the ramp outside she grabbed the railing, trying to breathe, she felt like she was having a heart attack. And was going to throw up, and was going to die.
Evan was on a break outside the wyvern entrance and spotted Chloe as soon as she stepped out from the stairwell and was over to her like a flash.
"Chloe, Chloe, I'm here, you're safe."
She was still struggling to breathe "Chloe look at me. Breathe out. And in...Chloe look at me, out and in...out 2,3,4 and in 2,3 and out 2,3,4 and in 2,3. Okay, okay good girl. Better?"
Ange looked out of the window and saw Chloe looking distressed, she was so protective of her girl. Guilty about what she told her all those years ago. That started Chloe's mental health problems. She rushed down the stairs, Evan had beaten her to it. Chloe was looking at him with her back to Ange. Evan pulled Chloe into a hug. "Don't worry," he mouthed at Ange "I've got this. She'll be fine" Ange was not a fan of Evan. She didn't know why, she just had a bad feeling about him. He seemed to want all of Chloe, all the time, trying to get her away from Ange and away from her friends. But Chloe was distressed. The last things she would want was people crowding her.
"Chloe, tell me, what brought this on?" Evan asked once he'd calmed Chloe down and been assured she hadn't hurt herself. "They were sat on the bottom step of the stairwell. Their hands intertwined. "Do you remember what I told you about my nicknames when I was a kid?"
"What Chlo-bow?"
"No, that's what my friends called me, the ones who taunted me..."
"Yes.. I remember...Can't cope Chloe and cutter Chlo? But you know those were just silly teenage boy taunts. And that they're not true."
"They are though. I've got this sweet patient Maya Greene. She's just 16, just out of peads. I had to drain fluid from around her heart. I should be able to do it in my sleep."
"Yes" Evan said encouraging her to go on
"But I couldn't. I did it wrong, then I tried again and nicked the lung. Gave the poor girl and pneumothorax. And all I could think was about what Ben said."
"Ben? Who's Ben."
"Didn't I say? Sorry, my thoughts are all jumbled. One if the bully's from school is on Darwin, and he kept taunting me with the old nicknames."
"Chloe that's abuse of NHS Staff?"
"I thought I could cope, but he was right. I couldn't cope." Tears were in Chloe's eyes. "I started to panic and couldn't control it. I couldn't breathe, and I needed to get out of there. I left theatre with just Nicky and a nurse to fix my mess."
"Chloe. I'm so sorry, you should never have had to treat that Ben character. And Nicky is more than capable of doing a chest drain. And you had a panic attack, and didn't hurt yourself, that's a really good thing. I'm proud of you."
"Ms Naylor is going to go mad. I compromised patient care!"
"No Chloe. Why don't you go to the bathroom, splash some cold water on your face. Then go to Darwin and have a cup of tea. Allow yourself to be calm. Ask Kian to take over Ben's treatment or make sure you always have someone with you when you treat him."
"That won't stop him."
"Well remember, you're a wonderful doctors. If Ms Naylor asked tell her you felt dizzy, lightheaded, that you hadn't eaten, and you didn't feel safe doing the procedure. There's only 2 hours left of your shift and mine is done in half an hour." I'll meet you in the Darwin locker room then, and take you home. Do you feel safe and calm enough for me to take you back to Darwin?"
Chloe sighed and nodded.
Once she'd got back Nicky caught her "Chloe I was so worried. Are you okay?"
"How's Maya?"
"She's fine. Don't worry. I did the chest drain before Ms Naylor even arrived. I told her you were taken ill. She wants to see you in her office. I'm more worried about you though. Was that a panic attack?"
"Yes, I've just had a wobbly day with Ben here. I am okay now and will be fine."
Chloe knocked on the door of the consultants office. "Come in"
"Ms Naylor you asked to see me."
"Miss Goddard can you explain what happened in Miss Greenes procedure."
"I'm so sorry about that. I haven't been feeling well all day and I didn't have time to eat lunch and during the procedure I started to feel lightheaded and dizzy and I no longer felt safe to complete the procedure."
"You should have stayed and overseen Dr McKendrick."
"I'm aware of that now, it was an error of judgement. I apologise"
"Go home, Miss Goddard!"
"I'm sorry?," Chloe answered confused
"if your unwell, you shouldn't be doing a procedure. You can make up the time another day. Go. I don't want to see you again today."
Miss Naylor was terrifying, but usually fair.
Chloe put her jeans and jumper back on. And popped in on Maya on the way out.
"Hey Maya?"
"Oh Chloe, did you want your headphones back?"
"No. Don't worry I've got another pair back home. I wanted to apologise for what happened in theatre today. I wasn't feeling well and I hadn't had chance to eat. And I felt a little lightheaded."
"Chloe, you had a panic attack. I've had enough to know what they look like. If you want to tell your boss it was low blood sugar that's fine, but don't lie to me."
"It takes one to know one hey." Chloe smiled wryly "I'm so sorry Maya."
"Don't be," Maya said "I'm fine. A few more days and I'll be right as rain. Have a nice evening" Maya smiled weakly.
"I'll see you tomorrow Maya. And if you want another doctor to take over your treatment I would complet.."
"What?" Maya said. "You're the best, nicest doctor I've ever had. Far better than nasty Naylor."
"Goodnight Maya"
"Chloe, what are you doing here?" Evan asked her when she was in the Keller locker room when his shift finished. "Miss Naylor told me to go home if I'm sick."
"Let me take you back to mine Chloe, we can talk or not. Or listen to music or watch TV. I understand you Chloe. I can protect you. I wont let anyone hurt you. Ever"
