Nicky heard the familiar cries of her baby daughter waking up. As she forced her eyes open, she tried to shake the sleepiness off. She fumbled in the darkness, throwing the duvet from her legs and swinging them over the edge of the bed.
She pressed her lips together as she listened to the screams. Rubbing her eyes, she didn't move. She would get up, but she just needed a moment to put herself together. Motherhood was a feat like no other; relentless, irrevocable, and endless.
Nicky's eyes drifted to the alarm clock on her bed side table. 5:38. It would only be an hour or so before she had to get up anyway, and though she didn't relish the thought, she was looking forward to getting this day over with. It had been hanging over her for weeks now.
When Marka had told her that court was the only option - to fight it out over visitation, over who was the fit parent, over who could raise Parker the best - Nicky had crumbled. How could she possibly argue that she was the best possible place for Parker when she wasn't sure herself?
Weeks had passed since Marka's lawyer had advised her of that, yet the news hadn't sunk in any more. She still didn't know.
Nicky crept into Parker's bedroom, her heart heavy. Far from driving the maternal instinct she had so desperately sought after, it had made her more wary of loving her little girl. Throwing herself into her daughter, and then having her ripped away? The mere thought made her shudder. Having seen what being taken from your children could do to a woman had made her aware of the harsh reality - it would destroy her. And she'd already done it once; could she possibly face it yet another time, this time with no end in sight?
She doubted it.
When she got to Parker's door, Marka was already stood over the crib. Her face was a picture of anxiety as her hands rocked it, desperately trying to shush the baby. And though Nicky had spent her whole life trying to avoid it, she had to admit that she saw herself in Marka in that moment.
"Come on, Parker…" Marka sighed, her voice weary. "You know Grandma has been up all night already? I need my beauty sleep!"
Nicky managed a wan smile, and made her presence known by stepping into the room. "Parker doesn't think anyone needs sleep."
Marka glanced up. "Neither did you, when you were little," she remarked. "I lost count of the times I woke up to pans banging together in the kitchen.."
Nicky smiled again, but it faded quickly as she realized by the time Parker was that age, if this court case didn't go her way, Parker might be with him. "Do you think I'll win?"
Marka turned her attention back to Parker. She didn't want Nicky to see the worry in her eyes, and she'd be hard pressed to hide it. No, she hadn't been the best mother to Nicky, but she had been taking care of Parker for seven months now.
"I don't know," she answered truthfully. Her voice was soft. "If the judge knows anything at all, there will be no question of the ruling."
"And...and if he doesn't?" Worry crept into Nicky's voice.
"If he doesn't," Marka said carefully. "Then we fight it."
Outside of the courthouse, Red waited anxiously. Instead of working today, it had been decided that they would meet Red at the courthouse, and that she would bring Vasily with her. It had been Red's idea that she bring him.
"He's about as intimidating as a kitten, but Anderson won't come up to us if he's there," Red had said, sliding her glasses down her nose so she could see the phone in hand. "Let me give him a call, hm? It's worth a shot if that asshole leaves you alone."
Nicky nodded, chewing on the inside of her lip. It wasn't something she really wanted, but it wouldn't hurt. "Fine."
Checking her watch, Red frowned. "It's almost eight o'clock," she said, her voice rising worriedly. She looked to her son, who looked irritatingly calm. "They should be here by now. Why aren't they here?"
"Traffic?" he offered, craning his neck to try and see if they were coming from any angle.
It had been a rhetorical question, and she shot him a glare. Then she heard a cry, and whipped around. She would recognize her granddaughter's little shrieks anywhere. As Nicky's face came into view, her face broke into a relieved smile. "Nicky!"
"No favoritism here," Vasily quipped, raising an eyebrow.
Red rolled her eyes. Thankfully, her sons were secure in her love. When they'd met Nicky, they had welcomed her into their lives with open arms. Had they not...Red didn't know what she would have done. She squeezed his arm, sidling up to him.
"There isn't," she said honestly. "Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me."
Vasily gave his mom a smile. "It's not a problem."
"Seriously," Nicky said, locking eyes with Vasily. "Thank you. It helps a ton knowing he won't come over here."
Vasily leaned against the wall outside the court easily, nodding his head. He winced as Parker let out another ear-piercing cry, leaning away from Nicky who held the child in a vice like grip.
Red had been right. Having Vasily there had given her peace of mind that Anderson wouldn't just stroll up to them. After all, Anderson was a coward - and Vasily, whilst the complete opposite of combative in himself, seemed to be doing the trick.
"Why is she screaming?" he asked, his forehead crinkled. He wiggled his fingers at her in a little wave, and for a moment, she calmed down. Her little face was mesmerised by the new person paying her attention. He looked relieved, and continued, "I'd go insane if I had to listen to that all day. Does it not give you a headache?"
Nicky shifted Parker on her hip, her feet already aching in the smart black heels Marka had insisted she wore today. Two pairs of eyes - one narrowed blue and one tired brown - glared at him as his mother and Nicky stared.
"She's teething," Nicky snapped. She brushed some hair from Parker's face, sweeping it out of her eyes, as her daughter arched her back and continued to scream. "And yes, it drives me fucking insane too." Turning to Red, she pressed her lips together. "Where is Marka? I need some air."
Red looked around until she spotted the blonde in a white skirt suit.
"Oh, she's talking with your lawyer," she murmured, her concerns mounting for Nicky. She glanced at Marka, who chatted in hushed tones to a woman who didn't look old enough to graduate high school, let alone represent Nicky in a legal case. But Marka knew what she was doing, she reminded herself.
"Can you hold her?" Nicky asked Vasily, handing Parker over before he really had the chance to answer. A look of bewilderment crossed both of their faces as Nicky stalked off.
"Hey, hey," Red said, quickening her pace to match Nicky's. She caught her arm and spun her around. "Everything will be okay today."
"No, it won't," Nicky muttered. "They could take her from me, you know."
"They won't," Red reassured her, her hand coming up to rest on Nicky's shoulder. "You are a good mother."
Nicky scoffed. She chewed on her nails and then said, "I can't even handle my seven month old teething."
Red smiled. "When Maxsim was five, he told me he'd fallen and hurt his arm."
Nicky raised her eyebrows, wondering where Red was going with this story. It seemed pointless, but she let her continue.
"He was always exaggerating. The boy who cried wolf, you know? Anyway...I ignored him. Told him to run it off. To quit bothering me whilst I was working behind the counter." A rueful smile crossed her lips. "He didn't stop whining the whole day. He was still complaining when I put him to bed."
"And?" Nicky prompted. Her gaze fell to Parker and Vasily. He was playing peek-a-boo with her, and the sheer look of amazement on her face every time Vasily moved his hands to reveal his face could have made Nicky weep. It was pure innocence, and she was about to throw her into the middle of something awful. All for what? A fix.
"And...I got a call from his teacher the next day," Red said, her face reddening at the thought of it. "Telling me he'd been taken to hospital, and that he'd broken his arm."
Nicky's eyebrows shot up.
"Point is, no-one is the perfect mother. But we're all just trying our best."
Red squeezed Nicky's shoulder and began steering her towards the court. "Let's get this over with, hm?"
Bursting out of the courtroom doors, relief flooded Nicky's features. She fell into Red's arms, burying her face in the older woman's neck. Sobs wracked her body.
"It's over," she cried, the one arm she had free tightening around Red. Parker hung off of her hip, looking bewildered as her mother cried.
Red's fingers raked through Nicky's hair and she stroked Parker's cheek comfortingly too. "I can't tell you how I felt when he said Parker was better off with her mother," Red said. She closed her eyes for a moment, drinking in this moment of victory. They'd been few and far in between, and this one was the sweetest yet.
"Me too," Nicky said quietly. She withdrew from the hug for a moment, and out of the corner of her eye, saw Marka. The older blonde hovered on the outside, looking in on the moment. And though Nicky still wasn't quite sure of her mother, she forced herself to smile.
"Thank you, Marka," Nicky said. She kissed the side of Parker's head and looked to her mother. "I couldn't have done this without you."
A small smile lit up Marka's features as she tried not to look as happy as she felt. She shook her head. "This was all you, Nicky."
"Nichols, wait."
Nicky turned as her name rang through the air. If his voice didn't give away the culprit, Red's furious expression did.
"You piece of shit," Red said, fighting the urge to spit in his direction. "Don't even look at them. At either of them! You heard what the judge said. And she was right; Nicky, you should be pressing charges."
Nicky shrugged off the comment uncomfortably. Her grip on Parker got a little tighter as she was reminded what she almost lost her to. "What do you want, Anderson?"
"Just let me spend ten minutes with her. That's all I ask."
Nicky chewed the inside of her cheek. She glanced to Red, who shook her head, and then to Marka, who looked utterly out of her element. "Why should I?"
He cocked an eyebrow. "Do you want to explain to Parker why her daddy isn't in her life?"
"I'll cover that one," Marka interjected. She lowered her voice to a hiss. "I'm assuming she'll be old enough to know what a rapist is by then."
Nicky shifted. The word 'rape' made her uncomfortable. Yes, she knew that's what it technically was, but it made her squirm. She wasn't his victim - at least not like that.
He was right. She didn't want to tell Parker she didn't even give her father a chance, no matter how shitty he was. She couldn't shake the feeling of rejection that stemmed from her own childhood, despite her misgivings. She locked eyes with him.
"You've got ten minutes."
After securing a meeting room to use for the next half an hour, Marka reluctantly walked behind Nicky in the meeting room and sat down.
Red hadn't even been able to stay. Her anger at Nicky's decision had been too much, and she'd asked Vasily to take her home. Marka would be lying if she said she didn't feel the same, yet she felt compelled to stay. Nicky needed her.
As Nicky put Parker down on an armchair, her phone pinged. She bit her lip as she glanced at Anderson, then back at Parker, then her phone. The message was from her lawyer, asking her to sign a few more forms. If it wasn't completed now, there would be a late fee. Nicky sighed.
"I need to deal with something." She looked at Marka. "Will you stay here with Parker, please?"
Marka pursed her lips, but nodded. "Please don't be long."
"I won't," Nicky promised.
As she dashed out of the door, Marka turned to Anderson. He sat on a hard wooden chair, looking totally uninterested despite his pleas.
After a few moments, she couldn't help herself. She looked at him, unable to hide her disgust. She couldn't bear the thought of her granddaughter being in the same room as him, but she also couldn't stand that he didn't seem to care about her presence. The little girl had been a gift from God, and she thanked Him everyday that she had given her to them. "Well? Aren't you going to talk to her?"
In response, Anderson picked up a rattle that Parker had discarded. He shook it in front of her face.
Marka watched as Parker's face grew red. Her starfish hands pawed at the tears running down her cheeks, and it wouldn't be long before she started screaming. She chewed the inside of her cheek, craning her neck to see if Nicky was almost done talking.
Anderson eyed Marka. He dropped the toy he was waving in front of Parker's face and didn't seem to notice as the whimpers began. "What's your problem?"
Marka stiffened. Her stress levels were rising dramatically. First of all, she wanted to rip Anderson's head off. Every time she looked at him, she saw what he did to Nicky. It made her blood boil. Secondly, she knew Parker wouldn't exactly be patient when it came to having her bottle. Soon there would be screams and they would be loud.
Her mother had always made her feel like an utter failure when Nicky had been younger and started crying in public. If she couldn't calm her quick enough, which she never could according to her mom, the insults would begin raining down. Making a rod for your own back. Spoiling that little girl. She'll grow up a holy terror.
She was older now, and her mother long dead, but those feelings of inadequacy resurfaced like they'd never left. And she didn't need him questioning her like she owed him something.
"Your daughter is hungry," she snapped, picking up Parker and smoothing her curls down. Her bottle was in the car, but she was hoping the baby would hold out until they could leave. It didn't seem likely. Marka walked up and down a couple of times, her cheeks flushing as Anderson's eyes followed her the entire time, and rocked Parker as she complained.
He let out a low whistle. "Well, her mother clearly doesn't care."
Marka glared at him, but didn't dignify him with a response. Instead, she grabbed her purse, and headed for the door. But she stopped short as she stood by the window, for the first time that day noticing the rain hammering down.
She couldn't take Parker out there. She would catch her death.
Marka held back a sigh. "Nicky?" she called. She put Parker down on the armchair, trotting over to the doorway just a few meters from where Nicky stood. "Nicky, I need to go outside," she called. "Come and sit with Parker!"
Nicky stopped talking, turning round. "Did you hear something?" she asked her lawyer. When she shook her head, Nicky continued. "I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done," she finished.
After thanking her lawyer profusely, Nicky looked to the ceiling. She thanked a God she didn't believe in for the perfect result today, and walked into the meeting room.
As soon as she entered, a feeling of dread filled her. It permeated every crevice of her body, and though she couldn't explain it, she suddenly found herself blinking back tears.
Nicky span on her heels, her eyes scanning the room expertly. Though she'd only been gone for a few minutes, she knew something was wrong. When she'd heard other people using the expression 'my blood ran cold', she had brushed it off. That was for movies, for Hollywood. She had no time for dramatics, yet she couldn't stop the panic rising in her chest.
Anderson was gone. Marka was nowhere to be found. And there was no trace of Parker anywhere.
The sound of heavy footsteps pulled her from her thoughts. She would recognize that tread anywhere, and although she'd supposedly already left, Nicky called, "Red?" She was almost afraid to see the Russian as she turned the corner with no baby in her arms.
Red didn't even notice the look of terror on Nicky's features. She was too preoccupied with her own guilt. "I couldn't leave you. I waited outside. I'm sorry, Nicky. I should have stayed and supported you, he's just such an -"
Nicky cut her off. "Where's Parker?"
"Parker?" Red echoed. "I thought she was with you."
Panic was setting in. It was etched over all of her features. And if there was any lingering doubt of her love for Parker, it had dissipated as the feeling of sheer dread flooded through her like poison through her veins. "I left her with Marka!"
"Marka?" Red said, her voice catching at the end of her sentence. She swallowed hard. "I just saw her. She's at the car. But honey...she doesn't have Parker."
The scream that left her body was so guttural that she didn't even recognize it as herself at first. As she recovered, her heart hammering inside her rib cage, she stared at Red. She could barely get the sentence out as she stammered, gripping onto Red's arm.
"Then where is she?"
A/N:
Sorry yes Guest I did post the wrong chapter! Thank you so much for letting me know.
To the guest who reviewed asking where I got the idea from, I actually just had a scene in my head where an obviously very pregnant Nicky was singing hush little baby to her bump in the dark - hence the name Midnight Lullabies. Thanks for the review, so glad you like the fic!
Sorry for the long wait on this chapter! But I hope you enjoyed it.
Please let me know what you thought in a review.
Hope you're all well.
- Star
xo
