"I think it's time I get my life back on track," Nicky announced over the dinner table. Despite the bombshell she appeared to have dropped on the table, she had no problems biting a huge forkful and saying with a full mouth, "it's been long enough."
Red's hand hovered over the peas she was about to scoop onto her plate and Marka raised her eyebrows. Two grandmas exchanged a mix that was half curiosity and half concern.
Nicky turned to spoon some mashed carrots out of Parker's tiny plastic bowl as the little girl opened her mouth like a baby bird. "I've been out for a few months now and I need to stand on my own two feet. I haven't done anything yet," she complained.
"You've looked after a baby," Red said diplomatically, placing down the serving spoon and running a finger along her jaw. "That's not easy work for anyone."
"I know," Nicky said lightly, wiping around Parker's mouth before spooning another mouthful in. Parker beamed up at Nicky with a smile that showed off her two new teeth. Things were becoming easier now; the fog was lifting as Parker grew older and could show that she loved Nicky more than anything. It was plain to see as the two stared at each other.
Marka frowned. "Do you even know what you want to do?" she asked, leaning over towards Nicky. "If you want to stay at home with Parker until she's older, I don't mind funding it."
If anything, it was a relief. She had funded everything in Nicky's life to date - her staying at home with the granddaughter Marka cherished was the best one yet. Afterall, it didn't feel so far away that she had been funding drugs or lawyer fees, and those didn't come with a baby that held her little arms out for a kiss when Marka walked through the door from work.
"I want to go to law school," Nicky said firmly. She braced herself for a comment from Marka, and although she did think it was an odd choice for an ex-convict, she kept her mouth shut.
"Oh," came her reply. She grappled for the right thing to say for a moment before continuing. "I think that's a very smart idea, actually." A small smile skimped her features. "Your father and I always said you'd be a lawyer. You could argue your case before you could even spell the word."
Nicky let herself smile, holding onto Parker's hand. It was tiny moments like that where Marka let little details slip that she realized that Marka did love her, even if she had a funny way of showing it. She didn't know why Marka was so guarded with the past, and the resentment still bubbled up every now and again, but it was lessening with every day. Seeing Marka caring for Parker seemed to salve old wounds. As hard as she had tried in the past, she just didn't have it in her to hate someone Parker loved so much.
Red looked to Nicky. "What about Parker?" she persisted. Though their bond had strengthened considerably since Parker had been brought back from hospital, Red didn't want all of Nicky's hard work to go to waste. Parker's head snapped up at the mention of her name and she babbled, happy to be center of attention. Red couldn't help smiling at her granddaughter despite her reservations.
Nicky lifted Parker out of her high chair and held her on her lap. She raked her fingers through Parker's curls to stop her from trying to wriggle free - she loved the feeling of someone playing with her hair. Nicky remained unperturbed by Red's questioning. If it had been Marka, then she might have wanted to snap back. But Nicky felt secure in her relationship with Red, and knew her questioning was only for her benefit, so pushed on undeterred.
"I looked it up," Nicky said. "I can take online classes which means I can stay home with Parker. It's only one day a week going into the campus. And by the time I'm finished with school, she'd be old enough for preschool anyway."
She looked to Red for a response. When a smile stretched over Red's scarlet lips, giving a small nod, Nicky visibly relaxed. "I think you'd make a wonderful law student, Nicky. Your big mouth will help a lot." She paused. "I hope you know that I am proud of you whatever."
Nicky rolled her eyes, but reached out to squeeze Red's hand. Red took it without hesitation. "Thanks, and I do." She meant it. "To both of you," she added. "My lawyer thinks I'll do well in school," she continued. "She also thinks I"ll be able to get a restraining order as part of his sentencing."
Red nodded and a sense of relief flooded her. Nicky had some strange ideas about parenthood, and although Red knew sometimes you had to let your kids make their own mistakes, she had to resist the urge to say I told you so over Anderson. "I know you were thinking about it."
Nicky nodded, taking another mouthful of the meal Red had lovingly made for everyone. "I'm sad for Parker," she said, shrugging off the hurt. She poked at her food with her fork, sighing. "But I know she's better off without him. I'll tell her more when she's older. I think she'll understand," she added, sounding a little more upbeat.
"She will," Marka said wryly. "Kids forgive a lot of mistakes."
Nicky snorted a laugh. "I hope Parker doesn't hold grudges like I do...or did," she said.
"That's the fun part of having kids," Red said. "Watching who they turn out to be as they get older. Of course some of your own traits come back to bite you at some point - Yuri had a raging temper as a teenager…" she rolled her eyes. "But for the most part it's sweet to watch." She looked to Parker on Nicky's lap, who babbled happily. "Looks like she got your big mouth, hmm?"
Nicky grinned, tickling Parker under her armpits. When she squealed with happiness, Nicky looked up. "I'll never be bored with her around."
"I was never bored with you," Marka quipped. "Graying and run ragged, but never bored."
"You'll never turn Mommy gray, will you?" Nicky cooed. "Never!"
"Maybe she'll do what Maxim did. Not sleep through the night until he was two, and then when he was three, points out the lines on my face like he didn't cause them all, along with his brothers." Red didn't sound bitter, and Nicky wondered if that what was parenthood was; embracing the good along with the bad.
"Maybe," Nicky said, as Parker planted wet kisses on her cheek. "As long as she's here, she can drive me crazy...because I've faced the alternative and that pain would never go away."
"No-one will ever take her away from you, Nicky," Marka said softly. Red squeezed Nicky's hand across the table and nodded.
"She's yours," Red added, and for once, the reality of that statement didn't make Nicky want to run a mile. "Forever."
"Forever," Nicky echoed. A small smile settled on her lips as she speared a piece of chicken on her plate. "That does sound pretty good."
Nicky walked up to the visitor's entrance to Litchfield with trepidation flowing through her veins. It had been a long time since she'd been to this place and whilst it was familiar, it also felt like foreign land now. She pushed down the urge to run in the other direction, and bounced Parker on her hip.
Part of getting her life back on track was fixing mistakes she'd made. One of those was not keeping in touch with people she'd left behind. Hell, even Red had a steady stream of letters coming from Gloria. She had no idea when the two had grown so close, but it made Nicky's guilt even worse when she saw Red smiling as she read them.
Instead of spending anymore time thinking it over, she swung the door open, joining the queue for visitation. If she hesitated, she would think about it - and if she thought about it, she would never go in.
She wondered if Parker remembered the place she'd been brought to visit her mother those months ago. Probably not, she reasoned, but she would remember. For the rest of her days. Nicky sighed as Parker threw her pacifier to the floor. As she bent down, the queue in front of her began to shuffle forwards.
"Nicky?" a voice behind her called.
Nicky turned, Parker balanced on one hip and a pacifier gripped between her teeth. She looked the epitome of motherhood as she looked up at him. She laughed upon spotting who it was.
"Shit!" Luschek whistled. He waved another person through without really checking them, and turned his attention to Nicky. He leaned against the desk. "It is you. I'd recognize that bird's nest anywhere."
"Luschek," she said, ripping the pacifier out of her mouth and stuffing it in her pocket. She nodded at him, unable to stop the grin from creeping onto her face. "I thought I smelled weed and an unwashed body."
"It's been some time since you've been here," he said, ignoring the remark and raising his eyebrows at her. "I thought you'd forgotten all about your little prison girlfriend."
"Don't be jealous," Nicky said, throwing her diaper bag over her shoulder as she leaned against the desk with him. She chewed the inside of her cheek. "She probably thinks I've forgotten too. She's never even met Parker."
"She'll forgive you...or maybe she'll try to kill you." He shrugged. "A bit of a wildcard, that one. Don't get me wrong. A hottie, but one to keep at arm's length."
Nicky scoffed. "I doubt she'd have you any closer anyways."
"What about you then?" Luschek asked suddenly. Nicky gave him a sidewards glance.
"What about me?" she asked, the tone of her voice causing Parker to shrink back. "Shit, I wouldn't have you any closer either."
"Fuck you, Nichols. I meant are you getting into anymore trouble?"
"No more than usual," Nicky said, a smirk playing on her lips. "Probably about the same amount as you."
"No doubt," he said, his eyes lingering on Parker. She looked so much like her mother, yet Nicky didn't seem to have changed much at all. She still had wild hair, a sailor's mouth, and that infuriating smirk. He had expected her to be far away when he got the chance to talk to him again, and it was almost more painful that she wasn't. She was still the same old Nicky. Maybe, in a different life, things would have been different between the two.
"Anyway…" he waved in the direction of the visitor's room. "Go on through."
"Aren't you gonna search my bag?" she asked, offering it up. She was stalling, and they both knew it.
"No," he said, rolling his eyes. He rubbed at his beard. "But you know, if you miss my company that much, join me for a smoke some time."
Nicky smiled. "I quit," she said. "Secondhand smoke kills, so I hear."
Maybe she had changed.
Then she leaned in closer. "I hear pot brownies are pretty good too, though."
Or maybe she hadn't.
She laughed at the expression on his face, causing Parker to shriek with laughter next to her, and punched Luschek's arm lightly.
"See ya later, Luschek."
He shook his head, a sense of melancholy washing over him. "Later, Nichols."
Nicky sat down at one of the tables, jiggling her leg nervously. She'd sat on the other side of the table countless times, yet it felt different this time. There was more pressure on her, if Lorna was going to waste a visit on her.
Before she knew it, Lorna was sitting across from her. Nicky didn't say anything for a moment; indeed, she found herself speechless. Every single feeling she'd ever had for the girl came rushing back, and before she could stop herself, she launched across the table to tackle her into a hug. Parker was squished in between the two of them, beginning to whine.
"I missed you," Nicky said, wrapping an arm around Lorna's neck. Her words got lost in Lorna's perfectly coiffed hair, but Lorna squeezed back just as hard.
"I missed you too," she cried. "I wondered every day if you would write me, or come visit. It's not the same without you, Nicky."
"I'm sorry," Nicky said earnestly. "I know I've been shitty. I know it's not an excuse, but I've had my hands full lately…"
Lorna's eyes drifted to Parker. "Yes," Lorna said, her stomach tying up in knots as she stared at the baby. "I can see that."
"Do you want to hold her?"
Lorna looked up. "You want me to hold her?"
Nicky shrugged, holding Parker's hands above her head and clapping them together to amuse her. "I mean, if you want to...you don't have to."
"No, I do want to," Lorna said quickly. She pulled at her sleeve, shrugging herself. "I just...I didn't know if you weren't visiting to keep her away from me. To keep her safe."
"Lorna," Nicky sighed, "I would never think you'd hurt Parker." She lifted her daughter up over the table to Lorna, who looked more than thrilled to be holding her.
"She's so big now," Lorna breathed, hugging the baby she'd felt dance in the womb close to her. Soft baby curls brushed against her cheek, and she left a lipstick kiss on the side of Parker's face. The baby looked bemused as she stared up at Lorna.
"Mm," Nicky said, smiling sadly. "She'll be a year in a few months...and then I'll have a toddler."
"I can already taste the cake Red will make for her," Lorna gushed. Nicky smiled at her unwavering faith in their relationship; she hadn't even questioned if it had held up on the outside. It was unfathomable to think otherwise.
"I think I'll help," Nicky said, though she'd never really considered it before. "I like the idea of helping make her first birthday cake. You only get one first birthday."
"I mean, you only get one of every birthday," Lorna pointed out unhelpfully. "I'll be out by then," she said wistfully. "I'm expecting an invite to the party." There was insecurity in her voice.
"Oh, I don't know," Nicky said, waving a hand in the air. "I don't have many friends, and you know, she has even less." She laughed. "I don't think a party for a one year old will be quite what I'm used to."
"You think Red is gonna let that one slide? She loves a party." Lorna picked Parker up, standing her up on her lap. "And look at this little one. You think she won't love it?"
It was true. In Litchfield, any little thing was a good enough reason for a party. And now, with her whole family outside, she couldn't see Red passing the opportunity up.
Nicky shrugged, but smiled.
"So...what do you think?" Lorna asked again, excited by the prospect of the non-existent party.
"We'll see," Nicky hedged. It was a phrase she hated herself - and only moms ever seemed to use it. It seemed fitting to say it, but she irritated even herself.
Lorna nodded, tickling Parker's side. "We will see," Lorna agreed. "We'll see you there, right, Parker?"
Parker kicked her legs happily, giggling to herself. Nicky almost couldn't tear her eyes away, wondering how she had ever doubted her love for her. Since her hospital stay, it all seemed to click the way Red promised it would, one day.
Nicky laughed softly. "Looks like I've been outvoted."
A/N:
Hiya lovelies!
Thank you for the reviews! I hope you liked this chapter as much. A few old faces. I can't help myself, I love Luschek lol.
Let me know what you think. I'm sure you can all guess what the last chapter will be aha.
Have a beautiful day!
- Star xo
