Nicky rubbed her sweaty palms on the sides of her black skirt, hoping she wouldn't have to shake anybody's hand any time soon. She swallowed hard as the bus pulled up outside of the campus, craning her neck to look round at the various buildings. As it crawled to a halt, Nicky took a deep, steadying breath. Who knew first days were scary even as an adult?

She hadn't even felt this nervous on her first day at Litchfield. Too angry and too high to be frightened, she had simply followed instructions barked at her. The first night had been rough, but Red was there. Despite throwing her guts up and feeling like death, she had felt safe for the first time in a long time.

Today had been undeniably harder. It hadn't helped that Parker had screamed as she had left, arching her back as Red held her out for Nicky to plant a kiss on her cheek.

"Separation anxiety," Red had said with a grimace. "I know it's hard to leave her like this, but she'll probably be fine half an hour after you leave."

Well, Parker might have been, as evidenced by the snapshot Red sent a few minutes ago, but Nicky still felt awful. And, she had to admit, slightly impressed that Red had even managed to send the photo in the first place, knowing her technology track record. Though she was excited about starting her course, the last few weeks had showed her all the things she could miss if she sought out a high flying career. Parker had started crawling, and though it was incredibly nerve-wracking to watch her getting into everything she could possibly find, Nicky's heart burst with pride as she watched her.

Leaving her this morning had only served as a reminder for all of Parker's life that she had already missed. It was only then that she realized how traumatic and agonizing it had been to leave her for all those months when she left the hospital for Litchfield. It had been something she hadn't the resources to deal with at the time, so she had pushed it down. To say she felt guilty was an understatement, but she reminded herself that she was doing this to make a life for herself and Parker in the future. Parker and this course were the two things in her life that she could be proud of. But one day a week was certainly more than enough for the time being.

Keeping her head down, Nicky found her way off of the bus and headed to the room that had been marked on her schedule. The hallways were bustling despite the fact that Nicky had arrived earlier than she needed to, and her anxiety rose as she finally found the room. With one seat left she squeezed around the desks and sat down quietly.

At least I'll know what Parker is feeling on her first day of school, she comforted herself. Before anything started, she pulled out her phone one last time and checked that Red hadn't messaged her again. Parker's little face stared back at her.

The woman sitting next to Nicky offered her a knowing smile. "First time leaving her?" she asked, leaning forward.

Nicky smiled back. "Kind of."

"She's beautiful," she remarked, looking at Nicky's lockscreen. She pulled out her own phone and flashed Nicky a photo of two little boys grinning at the camera. "It gets easier," she offered. "My boys are used to me being gone a lot, though. Benji finds it harder, being younger, but Abel understands. I have to work hard for them. For their future. I'm Karla, by the way."

"Nicky," she said, holding out her hand. "Parker only remembers me being there." Or at least, that's what she hoped. "It's only one day a week, though. She'll have me the rest of the time."

"Lucky you," she said, still smiling but a little more sadly now. "I have to work the rest of the week. But they understand, I hope."

Nicky nodded thoughtfully. Truthfully, she hadn't considered how lucky she really was to be able to stay home with Parker with no pressure to return to work or even help out at home. To her credit, Marka never complained when Nicky left dishes lying on the side or didn't pick up socks. She did nag her about taking Parker to classes or taking responsibility for herself, but Nicky had to concede she was probably right on those fronts.

"You're teaching her that you have to better yourself," Karla continued, nodding encouragingly to Nicky. "That's important to teach kids. That's why I came to this country. It's why I fight to stay. And why I want to help others do the same."

"Yeah," Nicky said, perking up. She hadn't thought of it that way. "I'm teaching her something. And that's a really amazing ambition," she said. "I don't really know what I wanna do after this."

"That's okay," she said. "You're teaching her something anyway. Everyday," Karla smiled. "You're doing great, mama."

Nicky squeezed Karla's hand. "You too."


"So, malyshka, how was it?" Red asked as soon as Nicky flew through the door that afternoon, Parker hanging off her hip. "There's a hot cup of coffee waiting for you on the table. Tell me all about it!"

"It was perfect!" Nicky beamed. She kissed Red's cheek, then planted one on Parker's forehead, ruffling her curls. "How was everything with Parker?"

"She was fine," Red confirmed, passing her over to Nicky. The little girl was grinning ear to ear, and as soon as Nicky held her close, she rubbed her nose all over Nicky's face, planting sloppy kisses on her cheek.

"Did you miss Mama?" Nicky laughed, leaving lipstick marks over Parker's face as she kissed her all over. "I missed you!"

Parker squealed in delight as Nicky span her around until she felt a little dizzy herself.

"Did you make any friends?" Red asked, seating herself in an armchair as Nicky slipped off her shoes and removed her jacket.

"Ma, I'm not in middle school," Nicky said, making a face. She sat down across from Red on the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. Parker sat on the bridge that Nicky's legs made across the table.

"Well, I didn't realize there was an age limit on friendships," Red said, rolling her eyes. "Don't tell me you were being your anti-social self, hm?"

"I wasn't," Nicky admitted. "There's this woman in my class; her name is Karla. She's really nice, and she has kids too."

"That's nice," Red said with a small smile. Closing her eyes, she stifled a yawn as she sank deeper into the armchair. "You know," she said to Nicky, peeking one eye open, "I'm sure my boys weren't as tiring as Parker…"

"Maybe you're just getting old," Nicky said, making a face at Parker. She glanced up at Red, who did not look impressed by the notion.

"Maybe you're just getting brave," she shot back. "You can't leave her for a second, you know. She's getting into everything."

"I mean, what's there to get into around here? Marka loves her minimalism. There's a thousand statues but she can't reach any of those." Nicky waved her hand. "I'll watch her, but I think you're being a little dramatic…"

"Well, let's see," Red said, thinking back. "There's the door stoppers that she likes to try and ping - she's like a cat with those things - the plug sockets with perfectly sized little fingers, not to mention a rogue lipstick of yours she got her hands on."

"Is that what's all over her hair?" Nicky asked, straightening out one of Parker's curls between her finger and thumb. "I thought it was strawberries."

"Mhm," Red said, sounding unimpressed. "She screamed when I took that one away, let me tell you. She's like her mama in that way. Always wants her own way."

"Well, who doesn't want their own way?" Nicky retorted, sounding unbothered by Parker's little tantrum. "We'll babyproof," Nicky reassured her. "I just can't believe I have a baby that's crawling," she said in astonishment. "She's growing so fast."

Red smiled. "They all do," she said. "Oh, and I forgot to mention. You got a letter today," She leaned over to the side table and pulled out a hand-addressed envelope. She passed it to Nicky.

Nicky turned it over in her hands. "Mm," she said, ripping it open. "I don't know who'd write me except Lorna, and this isn't her chicken scratch." She scanned the letter, defending Parker's attempt to yank the letter away, and laughed. "It's Alex," she said. "She was released a couple of weeks ago, she's wondering how I am. If I'd like to meet up."

"I was wondering how she was getting on," Red mused. "Does she mention how she is?"

"Yes," Nicky said, scanning the letter again. "She says her and Piper are engaged now. Piper got out a few months earlier. They've got a little apartment not too far away from here. Good for them."

"I didn't think they'd last," Red said honestly.

"Me either!" Nicky grinned wickedly. "She left her number at the bottom. I'll have to give her a call."

It was only in that moment that Nicky realized how much she had missed her friends. Yes, they were misfits and yes, there were times in Litchfield where they had driven her crazy, but they were the only real friends she had ever really had. All the others were drug fueled relationships. Nothing real, not like they were.

"Are you going to meet up with her?" Red asked. "Watch Parker, she's got her eyes on your coffee cup."

Nicky lifted Parker into her lap, laying her down against her chest. She settled almost instantly, her thumb in her mouth. "Why not?" Nicky said, clutching the letter close. "I'd love to meet up with her. With all of them."

"It would be good for you," Red agreed. "I'm always around to watch Parker."

"You know, Lorna mentioned in her letter that she's getting early release. Something about there being a loophole in her case. She'll be out by Parker's first birthday."

"The birthday you're not intending to celebrate?" Red asked, eyebrows shooting upwards. "My poor little Iva. You only turn one once!" She reached over to pinch Parker's cheeks. "Isn't that right?"

"I mean...you only turn every age once, but okay," Nicky said, frowning. "And I'm not not going to celebrate. I just didn't want a party…"

"And now..?" Red asked, her eyes fully open and alert once more. "You have to have a party for her. Imagine how excited she'd be!"

Nicky had a feeling Parker wouldn't be the one who was most excited, and laughed. Against her chest Parker was falling asleep, and she struggled to keep still as she chuckled.

"You know, Nicky…" Red sighed contentedly, "I never could afford to have a party for my boys. We got by, and they always had a wonderful day, but each time they asked for a party, I had to turn them down. It just broke my heart, seeing the disappointment on their little faces. You are so lucky to have Marka and her resources. I doubt you will ever have to look Parker in the face and tell her you simply can't afford something. Don't take that for granted, hm?"

Nicky blinked at Red. It wasn't that she hadn't realized that she had got by without much money, it's just she had never realized the implications. She couldn't imagine not giving Parker everything she could dream of.

Nicky pressed her lips together as guilt nagged at her for being so down on the party idea. "I didn't realize, Red."

"Well, why would you?" Red said, shrugging. "It's not something I think about often, not anymore. They're not scarred by it. Maybe I am," she laughed. "I would just love to see Parker's face light up on her birthday. There is nothing more special than being the reason your child is beaming up at you."

"Fine," Nicky huffed, shaking her head. "You've twisted my arm. We'll throw her a birthday party."

"Good," Red said, hiding a little smile, "because I have a few ideas lined up…"

"Of course you do," Nicky said, rolling her eyes. "As long as I don't have to sit next to Coco the Clown, I'm good."

"Nope," Red said, her eyes twinkling. "I have much bigger plans!"


A/N:

Hi! I'm really sorry about the delay for the update. I just haven't felt in the writing mood. That coupled with the fact that I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year (and struggling with it!) isn't very conducive for updates. Still, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you very much for the reviews on the last chapter, I really appreciate them. Please let me know your thoughts. I will try and incorporate everybody's ideas into these last few chapters so feel free to leave any ideas.

Hope you're all good!

- Star xo