Nicky glanced at her phone as she stood outside the store. There was a few hours until the party was due to start. So, she reasoned, she had a little time to kill until she had to go back. Truthfully seeing her father had rattled her. She lifted Parker from the seat, the bag hanging from the crook of her elbow. As she juggled the shopping and the baby, an elderly woman watched on as she grabbed a cart for herself. A small smile settled on her lips, but Nicky was too busy wrangling the baby to notice her until she spoke.

She carefully tied the balloon Parker had picked out around her chubby wrist because she didn't want to let go, and Nicky had visions of the tantrum that would ensue when the balloon floated off when Parker inevitably let go.

"I remember those times," she said, setting her purse down in the baby seat of the cart. "I had two myself. It will go by so fast, you know."

"I know," Nicky replied, as Parker snuggled into the crook of her neck and rubbed her eyes. It was getting close to her nap time, and Nicky hoped she would hold on until they got home. "It already is."

"She's beautiful. You're doing a good job, you know. In case you needed the reminder, I mean," she said with another quick smile, as she started to disappear into the bustle of the store. "Remember that!"

Nicky stared at the space she'd been in. Her opinion shouldn't matter; she was a stranger, someone she'd likely never see again, let alone talk to. Yet it did matter to Nicky. It mattered more than she thought it would. It wasn't just a passing comment. It was a reminder that the past was behind them, that if someone looked at her with Parker today they didn't see the drugs that fuelled her conception, nor the buckets of tears shed at her birth. They didn't see every milestone Nicky had missed, and they didn't judge her for it.

Now, and to everyone else, she was just another mom in the blur of life. For the first few weeks out of prison, she felt as if she had 'felon' written across her forehead. For the first time in a long time, it felt like that had faded.

Parker's cries quickly pulled Nicky from her thoughts.

"Don't be grumpy," Nicky said, jiggling her on her hip. "Well, it's your birthday, so you can cry if you want to." She let out a little laugh despite Parker continuing to whine. "I'll probably regret this, but I know something that will cheer you up."

The park was surprisingly empty for what a beautiful day it had turned out to be. Content birds were chirping above them in the trees, the sun glittered over the lake like a mirrorball, and the grass was dry and short enough for Parker to toddle along beside Nicky quite happily. Nicky didn't mind that the short walk to the pond took three times as long with Parker stopping at every flower and weed, or that her previously white tights turned green with the grass stains as she took a few tumbles. It was worth it to see how happy it made her baby.

"Look, Parker," Nicky said, kneeling down to Parker's level. She pointed at the lake, where a few ducks dipped under the water and back again, their tail feathers in the air. "Do you see over there? Ducks! What do ducks say?"

Parker's gaze followed Nicky's finger. Her face lit up as she saw them bobbing up and down in the water. Nicky smiled at the sight.

"They say quack quack!" Nicky said, tickling Parker's tummy as she stared. When Parker fell into a fit of giggles, Nicky picked her up. "Quack quack. Do you want to talk to the mama duck? Look, she's got a little chicky just like you. Well, actually, a baby duck is called a duckling. Do you see the baby, Parker?"

Nicky walked a little closer to the water's edge as the duck brought her babies to the bank. She set Parker down and squatted next to her, hanging onto her dress as she watched them splashing. Parker turned round to her mother and tugged on her purse. A squeal ripped from her.

"What?" Nicky asked, frowning. "I think you're overtired."

Parker kept tugging on her purse, and it dawned on her that every other time they stopped off to see the ducks, Red brought stale bread to throw for them. Once, after seeing on a documentary that bread wasn't good for them, Nicky had tried bird seed. They'd been thoroughly unimpressed and had rejected their offerings, swimming in the opposite direction, which in turn led to a very unimpressed Parker.

"Sorry, Parker. I don't have any bread for the duckies." She fished in her pocket, one hand firmly grasping Parker back from the water. "Let's see...I wonder if they like Mentos."

Parker grappled for the mints, but Nicky threw them into her own mouth before she could get to them.

"Sorry," she said, crunching the mint. "Mommy doesn't wanna get fined for poisoning the ducks. Your grandma has already dropped enough cash on your birthday party. And a dead duck...ick. That's just sad, right? Jeez, I hope we're not having duck for Christmas this year."

She watched Parker watching the ducks. It took her back to that phone call from Red in prison. How painful it had been to hear that Parker had laughed for the first time, and she had missed it. Now Parker stood in front of her, giggling as the ducklings pecked at each other in the water. Red had promised her that she would have 'a lifetime of laughs with her' and she had been right. Hearing her baby laugh was something that Nicky would never take for granted.

Nicky let Parker watch the ducks for a few more minutes before she finally checked her phone. Two missed calls from Red and one from Marka. She clicked her tongue.

She scooped up Parker, snuggling her close. "Come on then, missy. Your grandmas are not going to be happy with me if you're grumpy for your birthday pictures, do you know that? But then again, the photographer is committing daylight robbery with her prices, so maybe we ought to make her work for her money." She sighed. "Sometimes it's nice, isn't it? Getting away...just you and me, hmm?" She rested her cheek against Parker's baby soft curls. "Mommy loves you so much, Parker. Happy birthday, baby."


Nicky looked preoccupied as she pushed the door open, Parker hanging off one hip and a bag full of party supplies banging against the other. She set down the bag on the hallway table and took Parker through to the kitchen, where she could hear a disagreement bouncing back and forth between Red and Marka in hushed tones.

"Leave it," Red insisted. "It's beautiful and she'll like it!"

"I don't know," Marka replied, and Nicky could almost see the purse of her lips through the closed door. "I don't want to remind her of all of that. I don't want to put a black cloud over the whole day if she doesn't."

"Well, she can take it down herself if she doesn't like it," Red said, undeterred. "And like it or not, the past is the past. None of us can change it, and Parker might ask about it one day. You can't just pretend it didn't happen."

Before anyone got a chance to say anything else, Parker squealed as the balloon she was holding floated to the ceiling. Nicky sighed as the conversation halted to a stop; eavesdropping was easier without a one year old in tow.

"You ratted me out," Nicky whispered, chucking under her chin. She eased the door open, eyebrows raised, and stepped into the room. She set Parker down on the floor. "Did I hear my name?"

"Probably, seeing as you were eavesdropping," Red said. "Now you're here you can settle an argument, though." She stepped aside to reveal the origin of the disagreement. "What do you think?"

Nicky's gaze fell over the wall of photos. Parker's deep blue eyes stared back at her hundreds of times. If it weren't her baby, it would be a little weird to look at. It was beautiful; a real memory lane. She reached out to touch a couple as she remembered the day it had been taken. A few stuck out to her. Her first day out of prison, Parker looking up at a stranger called Mommy and Nicky looking utterly bewildered but staring at her baby. Parker at baby ballet, grinning that toothy smile up at her babushka behind the camera. Another one was the day she'd taken her first steps. All days that Nicky treasured. And then she settled on a few others. A newborn Parker laid across Marka's chest in the nursery. Both of them had their eyes shut. Another set showed Parker looking like a doll, posed with her head in her hands in a newborn photo shoot Marka had arranged. Nicky's eyes lingered on those for a moment longer, tears pricking at her eyes.

Red watched without saying anything, but Marka reached out to take them down.

"Sorry," she said, yanking at the thumbtack that held it to the board, "I thought you wouldn't like them, but-"

"It's okay," Nicky said, pushing the tack back in. "I do like them."

"I didn't want to upset you. I know you wish you were there, but you are a lovely mother now, darling."

"Yeah," Nicky said, blinking hard. "This is about Parker, and those photos are a part of her life. Besides, I like them," she said, leaning closer. She tapped on the photo of Marka with a sleeping Parker. "I don't think I've ever seen this one before."

"No," Marka said, sounding a little embarrassed, "I hadn't either. Galina took it. It's not the most flattering angle. But Parker looks so tiny."

"It's nice," Nicky insisted. "Candid photos are nicer than photoshoots, anyway. I've never really thought about telling her where she came from, but I guess one day she's going to ask. She's going to ask where I was in these early photos. I wonder what I'm going to tell her."

"The truth?" Red suggested.

"It's not a pretty story," Nicky said. "Who wants to know they were born because their mother wanted a fix?"

"No child wants the details of their conception," Red remarked. "Trust me."

"And if she does," Marka said, glancing at Parker, who was tugging on the hem of her skirt, "You don't have to tell her the whole truth. It's how she came to be but it is your past and your history." She bent to pick up Parker, who hadn't seen her yet. Having left for work early, Parker had missed seeing her grandma like she usually did at breakfast. She planted a wet kiss on her grandma's cheek.

Nicky couldn't stew over a decision that was years off any longer, not when Parker was being so sweet.

"Why don't you put her down for her nap?" Nicky suggested to Marka. "I think she missed you at breakfast, and she's getting cranky."

Marka nodded. "Okay. Let me know what outfit you've picked out for her party and I'll set it out."

"Good idea," Red said. "And take those tights off before you put her down," she said. "They'll need a prewash so the stain doesn't set. What is that? And where were you? A few party supplies took a long time to get."

"I didn't pick an outfit," Nicky said. "And I took her to the park. She wanted to see the ducks. And it is her birthday after-all."

"Hmm," Red said. "I wonder who really wanted to go to the park," she said, tickling Parker's neck. "And what do you mean, you don't have an outfit picked out? Didn't you get her something special?"

"I don't know," Nicky said. "I thought she could just wear whatever. She doesn't care what she's wearing."

Red rolled her eyes, but Marka stepped in.

"I bought her a little something," she admitted. "I didn't want to step on your toes by suggesting she wore it today because I thought you would have picked something out...but when I saw it, I couldn't resist. It's from the same store I bought my dress for today."

"She can wear that. I don't mind," Nicky said. "Just set it out and I'll dress her when she gets up."

Marka nodded and took Parker through for her nap. Once she had left, Red turned to Nicky.

"I got you a little something." Red said, her blue eyes shining. "Doesn't seem fair that you did all the work a year ago and all the attention is on her."

Nicky laughed. "Did you get yourself a present when your boys were little?"

Red shook her head. "Well, no. We barely had the money for presents for them. But I used to let myself lay in the bath for a half hour longer after they'd gone to bed. I lit some candles, usually the same ones from the cake, and I'd sink into the bubbles. I still do, sometimes. Only now I have the fancy bath salts you get for me."

Nicky smiled as Red passed her a small white box. Nicky lifted the lid to reveal a layer of tissue paper, which she carefully unfolded. A small rose gold heart necklace sat in the center. Nicky lifted it out of the box.

"It's beautiful, Red," Nicky murmured. She set the box down and took a proper look at the necklace, cradling it in her hand. It had Parker's name engraved in the metal with her birthstone set next to it. "Really beautiful."

"She'll always be close to your heart," Red said, as she gently lifted the necklace from Nicky's palm and turned her round. She lifted Nicky's mess of hair and, with fingers that didn't work as quickly as they used to, fastened the necklace.

"Thank you, Ma," Nicky said quietly. She turned and planted a quick kiss on Red's cheek. "You didn't have to get me anything, though."

"I know I didn't," Red said. "You know, the lady at the store said you can even have it engraved in the future. In case you ever have any more."

Nicky scoffed, her finger tips coming up to rest on the necklace. "I think one is more than enough for me."

"We'll see," Red said, pulling her into a hug. "You never know. You might meet a beautiful girl and settle down, and want a whole houseful of babies."

"Maybe," Nicky agreed. A smile played on her lips as she thought back to never ever wanting even one baby, to now, where she looked at Parker and her heart burst. "But for now, I just wanna focus on her. It's her special day."

"It is," Red agreed. She quickly checked her watch. "And the guests will be here for her special day in a few hours, so how about we finish that cake off?"


A/N:

Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate. Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed. Also thank you for the reviews on the last chapter. I'm hoping to have this fic finished by the end of this year so let me know if there's any last minute things you'd like to see. Thanks so much for sticking with this fic for so long. I appreciate it.

I hope you're all doing really well.

Stay safe.

- Star xo