The first time Red had stepped foot into Marka's apartment, the word she would have used to describe it was quiet. Eerily so, in fact; when she'd cooked her first meal there, she'd heard a strange noise when she had stirred one of the pots. It was only after careful investigation that she'd realized it was her own bracelet charms tinkling against each other. It had never been so quiet in her own kitchen that she'd been able to hear it, and it was a foreign sound. Now, a whole year later, the same couldn't be said. The whole apartment was buzzing with noise and excitement - at the center of which was one very spoiled one year old. Nicky had invited everyone she knew; friends from Parker's ballet class, Red's boys, Marka's friends, her friends from college - their home had turned into a bubbling hub.

She stood in the same kitchen now, busying herself by putting the final touches on the little pastries she had spent last night making. Marka had brought the caterers in, but Red had made these for each of the first birthdays in her family, and Parker wasn't going to miss out on a very long tradition. She'd missed it with Vasily's children, and only seen pictures of what she considered to be a cake that paled in comparison, but this was going to be the first of many birthdays that she wouldn't be missing. She would have been lying if she said she wasn't as excited - or possibly more so - than even Nicky.

Nicky, on the other hand, was sweeping around the room with Parker, who had woken from her nap thankfully much less grumpy, attached to her hip. She'd been dressed in her birthday outfit which consisted of a ruffled peach tutu, a flower headband and a bright white onesie emblazoned with 'one' across the chest.

With each person she stopped to talk to, she made sure to engage Parker in whatever she was saying. The one year old was entranced by her mother. Her starfish hands reached out to grab fistfuls of Nicky's hair and when Nicky would turn to talk to her, she snuggled into the crook of her neck. Gone was the wariness that had plagued their first few days together. Now all that anyone could see was familiarity and love.

Red watched, leaned against the door frame, and she couldn't help but smile. Today she was really seeing how far her girl had come. From that frightened kid who felt sick with every kick to her belly to an experienced mother who beamed with pride when she looked at her daughter. Just like Red did with her.

"She knows she's being cute," Nicky laughed to Alex, who had just come through the door with Piper on her arm.

They looked different, too. Less tired, more alive - and very much in love. Alex pulled Nicky into a hug and waved at Parker.

"I can't believe you have a one year old," she said through laughter of her own. "She looks just like you!"

"Happy birthday, Parker," Piper said, squeezing Nicky's hand. She set a big pink box down on the presents table. "I hope she likes her gift," she said to Nicky, "But if she doesn't, the receipt is in the bag."

"Thank you," Nicky said with a smile. "I'm sure she'll love it, whatever it is. She'll love the paper more, though. She likes to rip things up. Marka found that out the hard way when she left some papers in her reach. She walks now, properly! It's kind of scary, actually. I liked it better when she stayed where I put her." There was pride in Nicky's voice.

"Piper spent hours looking at gifts," Alex said with an eye roll. "I think Parker gives her baby fever."

Nicky raised her eyebrows. "You guys want a rugrat of your own?"

"I'd love one," Piper gushed. "To be honest I'd have one tomorrow. But Alex wants to wait to get married and get better careers." She huffed, rolling her eyes. Then she reached out to gently tickle Parker. "Look at that face, Al. How could you not want like, five of them?"

"Well, if your niece is anything to go by, because I value my ear drums."

Piper rolled her eyes. "I'd scream too if I lived with Cal and Neri. I did, actually, for a while."

Nicky laughed. "Well, if you ever do, give me a call. Parker needs a few little friends."

"She'll have one soon enough," Alex said. "Lorna's huge now. She keeps posting 'bumpdates' on Instagram. Haven't you seen?"

Nicky's grip around Parker tightened and she stared at Alex. Her eyes narrowed slightly as she processed the news. "Wait, what? What do you mean?"

"Lorna's pregnant," Piper said softly. She reached out to touch Nicky's arm gently. "Didn't you know?"

"Oh, shit, Nicky, I'm sorry," Alex said quickly. "I didn't realize you didn't know."

"It's fine," Nicky said, her voice sounding far away. She hated that her stomach clenched. She hated how tight her throat suddenly felt. She cleared her throat, but it didn't do much. "It's just...uh, it's just a shock, is all." She blinked. "She's invited, you know, so I'm glad you told me. I'm happy for her. I am. Excuse me. I'm just going to go check on the food."

Nicky stepped aside and hurried off into the kitchen. When she saw Red putting the finishing touches on her pastries, she couldn't help but ask, standing in the doorway.

"Did you know?"

Red looked up, her glasses resting on the tip of her nose. She set another pastry down on the serving platter. "Know what?"

"Lorna's pregnant."

Red didn't say anything for a moment, but guided Nicky to sit down at the table. "No, I didn't. I'm sorry, honey."

Nicky's lips quirked down. "Why is everyone saying that? It's not like we were together. I haven't even seen her in months. It's nothing to do with me."

Red pressed her lips together. "Mm."

"I have Parker. I'm doing well in school. My professor says he might be able to find me some experience soon. You're still here. And Marka and I haven't ever had a relationship like this. My life is great!"

Red nodded. "Missing her doesn't change any of that, you know. And being sad because of it doesn't mean you don't appreciate it."

"I should be happy for her," Nicky said softly.

"There's no unwritten rule that says you need to be happy for her," Red shrugged. "Lorna is...complicated. I love her and I hope she gets everything she wants from life, but I'm happy she's not bringing shit to your doorstep."

Nicky rubbed her head. "There was a time that she was all I wanted."

"I know," Red said, and she sat down next to Nicky at the table. "And there was a time that I didn't think I'd ever see my children again. Things change. Often for the better. Speaking of my children, are the boys here yet?"

"Yuri is," Nicky said. "Vasily text to say that he was on his way, though. I'm not sure about Maxim. Marka might have let him in."

"Don't let this spoil your day," Red said softly, encircling Nicky in a quick hug. "You're doing so well. This isn't a setback, is it?"

Nicky shook her head. "No. Maybe a little speedbump."

"Speedbump is apt," Red said, raising her eyebrows. "She certainly got a bump with speed. She doesn't know this Vinny, not really. It's strange."

"Yeah, well," Nicky said, shrugging, "I guess I can't really judge people on who they choose for their kids' dads."

"Me neither," Red said with a sigh. "I guess even when you know someone they can change."

"I've changed," Nicky said, sounding a little more confident. "Haven't I?"

"Yes," Red said with a smile. "You have changed."

"I guess we'd better get back in there," Nicky said. "I think I heard the doorbell going again, and Marka's so busy with her camera that I doubt she's heard it."

"She has a good eye," Red said approvingly. "I'm surprised her skinny arms can hold that thing, though. The camera is bigger than Parker."

Nicky laughed. "I know."

"You're lucky," Red said, coming to a stand and starting for the door. "I hardly have any photos with my boys when they were young. I was always the one taking the photos. And candid ones are always better."

"I know," Nicky said again. She passed Parker to Red so that she could open the door. When she did, a small crowd stood outside; Karla stood at the doorstep with her two children, and next to her stood Vasily and his family. "Welcome! Thanks for coming!"

"Thanks for inviting us," Karla replied. "The boys love parties and since we moved down here we haven't been to many. It's not easy getting to know people. Everyone seems so busy."

Nicky smiled and looked down at the two little boys. "Well I hope they enjoy themselves here. Go knock yourselves out on the chocolate fountain, boys!"

Karla passed Nicky a wrapped present. "I'd better go after them, or they'll be swimming in it," she replied, rolling her eyes. "Happy birthday to Parker!"

"Don't you have something to give the birthday girl too, Luka?" Vasily prompted his son, who clutched a bright pink parcel in his little hands.

"Can we use the chocolate fountain too, Auntie Nicky?" Luka asked as he held out the present to Parker. She took it from him curiously, but she was more interested in getting down to play with the big kids. Nicky set her down. He craned his neck to try to see the fountain as Nicky stepped aside to let them all in.

Nicky was always happy to be around the kids she now considered nieces and nephews. It was important for her that Parker have cousins, and Red enjoyed having all of her kids around. For a few months now every other Sunday Red's boys would come around and eat dinner together with the family. Parker seemed to enjoy the company, and Marina, Vasily's daughter, seemed to enjoy having a real life doll to play with.

"Babushka made you special pastries," Red said, bending down to squeeze her grandchildren into a hug. She chuckled as Parker tried to get in the middle of them, wanting to be the center of attention. "What about one of those?"

"Mm, I'd prefer the chocolate fountain…" Luka said, snuggling into Red's side and taking Parker's hand in his own.

"Please?" Marina begged, tugging on the hem of Nickys skirt. Parker looked up in wonder.

Nicky laughed, picking Parker up again so that she wouldn't follow them. "Scram, get out of here! I better keep her here, she'll treat the thing like a muddy puddle."

"No dirty hands on your new party dress or suit!" Lida called after them, shaking her head. "I hope you put a tarp down. They're going to be covered in the stuff."

"I'll have a pastry, Ma," Vasily said, leaning over to place a kiss on his mother's cheek. "I've been craving one for years."

Red crowed at the compliment. "My son," she said, gently pinching his cheek. "You always know the right thing to say to your mama."

"Oh, this was on the doorstep, by the way," Lida said, passing Nicky a small package and card. "Looks like an Amazon delivery."

"Probably couldn't hear it over the noise," Vasily said, grimacing as one of his kids shrieked on the other side of the room.

Nicky ripped open the card and quickly scanned through the contents. "It's from Sammi," she said, her brow knitting together. "That's my sister. Half sister," she corrected herself, mentioning it for Vasily and Lida's benefit. She sighed. "I don't know how she got this address. Amazon is pretty fast, though. She only found out it was Parker's birthday this morning."

"Sweet of her to send something," Lida remarked. "What is it?"

"I'm not sure," Nicky said, turning the gift over in her hands. "I guess I could open it and find out. I don't really want Marka to see it anyway, and she'll want to watch Parker opening her gifts."

She tore the present open to reveal a board book called You're the Cheese in My Blintz. Nicky smiled and flipped through it; it was a rhyming book that told children how important they were in their family, interspersed with references to Jewish holidays and traditions. In essence, the one link that Nicky and Sammi had; their background and father, and the traditions they'd had growing up.

"It's really nice," Nicky said finally, placing it down on the table with the rest of the gifts. She didn't know what else to say with everyone looking at her, so she turned to Red. "I'm starving. Do you wanna get the pastries?"

"Yes, and then how about you get Parker to open her presents?" Red suggested. "Where is Marka?"

"I'm right here!" Marka said, sweeping into the conversation with her camera hanging from her neck. "I was just mingling. Getting some good snapshots. Some of these are just darling, I'm going to have to frame them." She stroked Parker's curls. "Aren't you a gorgeous girl?"

Nicky smiled but before she got a chance to reply, the doorbell rang. There was only one guest that Nicky hadn't already seen, and she was the one she was most nervous to see.

"I think we're packed to the rafters in here, Nicky, how many people did you invite?" Marka exclaimed.

"This is the last one," Nicky confirmed, taking a deep breath as she opened the door.

"Nicky!" Lorna shrieked, so shrill that Parker jumped in Nicky's arms. "I've missed you so much!"

As expected, Lorna's dress strained over her burgeoning bump. Nicky's eyes lingered for a second before she was encased in a hug. Lorna draped herself over Nicky, planting a quick kiss on Parker's cheek. As she pulled away, she wiped the lipstick mark from the toddler's forehead.

"I missed you too, kid," Nicky said, swallowing hard. She couldn't keep the hurt out of her voice when she asked, "But why didn't you tell me…?" She gestured down to Lorna's belly.

"I posted it everywhere," Lorna said with a giggle. "Don't you go online anymore?"

"Not really," Nicky admitted. Since she left prison, she hadn't found that she'd missed it. She logged on once or twice to be bombarded with her old life. Truthfully it had been painful to look at - rather than seeing everything she'd come back to, she saw what she'd lost. Those people weren't friends anymore. Her life had changed irrevocably. For the better, of course, but it didn't always feel that way when she scrolled mindlessly. So she'd stopped doing it, and was happier for it.

"I wondered why you didn't send your congratulations," Lorna admitted. She placed her hands on her bump, looking at Nicky. "I kinda thought you were mad at me. But then you sent me the invite, so I didn't really know what to think."

Me either, Nicky thought.

"Parker is a little cutie-pie," Lorna gushed. "We can have playdates and everything!"

Nicky nodded slowly. "Yeah. I'd like that. You're just in time for presents and cake."

"Ooh, yum," Lorna said appreciatively. "I just need a seat, I've been standing on the subway for ages."

Once everyone had gathered around the high chair and presents had been opened, Nicky went into the kitchen with Red to light the candles on the cake whilst Marka stayed with Parker and the rest of the guests.

"She got a lot of presents," Red commented as she stuck the big 'one' candle into the middle of the cake. "Lots to keep her busy."

Nicky nodded, concentrating on placing the little sparkler candles she had picked up at the store evenly. She was hoping that they wouldn't scare Parker, because whenever she'd seen them in the past, they could be a bit unpredictable.

"I liked the rocking horse," Red continued. "I think Parker did too. Maybe she'll be a horse rider when she's older. Marka was pleased."

"I think she spent a long time picking it out," Nicky replied. "I liked the wooden tool bench Piper and Alex got her. I think that was a nod to our time in electrical."

Red chuckled. "I'm surprised you didn't invite Luschek."

"I thought about it," Nicky admitted, pulling out a match from the kitchen drawer. "But I didn't really think a one year old's birthday was his scene. Plus, I didn't want the moms from Parker's ballet class to smell the pot. I'll save him a slice of birthday cake."

"Probably wise," Red remarked. "Ready to light it?"

Nicky nodded and struck the match against the side of the box. Once every candle was lit and the sparklers were fizzing, Nicky carried it out into the living room.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you…" Nicky started, and within a beat or two everyone else had joined in. "Happy birthday dear Parker, happy birthday to you."

Parker looked bewildered, and looked to her mom for reassurance. When Nicky laughed at the expression on her face, Parker relaxed too. She stared at the candles, her brow knitting together.

"Are you ready to blow the candles out, Parker?" Nicky asked. She waved for all the little kids to help her blow the candles out and with a lot of help, the sparklers finally extinguished. "Okay, who wants a slice?"

Parker squealed for a slice of her own, but Nicky quickly whipped the cake away.

"You have your own special cake," Nicky told her. She passed the whole cake to Red to slice and serve. It didn't take long for her to become to children what a flame was to a moth. Whilst Red handed out slices to each guest, Nicky placed Parker's smash cake in front of her. At first, she looked a little confused. But it didn't take long for her to dig in, and soon, cake was covering every inch of her face. Her blonde curls were smeared with shocks of pink, but she seemed to be enjoying herself.

Marka snapped away as she grabbed fistfuls and managed to get a good amount into her mouth. Despite cake crumbs flying everywhere, she chuckled. Nicky looked at her baby covered in sugar and remembered how she'd been set on a sugar free, organic cake. She chewed on her nail but even she had to admit that Parker seemed to be enjoying that a lot more than she would have enjoyed the alternative.

"Unclench," Red said softly, tugging gently on one of Nicky's curls. "A little piece of cake isn't going to kill her or rot her teeth for life."

"A little?" Nicky snorted. "Is there any part of her that isn't completely covered in icing? The bath water is going to be fuchsia tonight."

"Maybe," she agreed, her gaze falling to Parker. "But these are memories you will carry with you for the rest of your life. And don't forget how lucky you are to even be here to witness it, hmm?"

"I won't," Nicky promised as she crouched next to Parker's high chair and kissed her frosting covered cheek.

As the party began to draw to a close, guests trickled out few by few until there were only a handful remaining. It had been more of a success than Nicky could have ever imagined, and despite their rocky start in life, she was beginning to really find her groove as a mom. So, she bargained, helping another in her start would draw her experience full circle.

"Lorna, hang on a sec," Nicky said, as Lorna, the last guest, began to make her excuses. She disappeared into a room and emerged with a large clear plastic box. "Take these with you when you go. They're all in pretty good condition. I was going to donate them, but I would love it if you took them instead."

Lorna took the box with a curious gaze. She peeled the lid back and squealed. "Oh, Nicky, these are gorgeous! Are you sure you want to give me all of them?"

"Of course," Nicky said. A little smile tugged at her lips at Lorna's unfettered joy. "The three of us sat down and sorted out Parker's wardrobe last week. We put away some special pieces, but she had so many clothes...they're not all pink and girly, so don't worry if you have a boy. I hope it saves you a little hassle."

"Hassle?" Lorna echoed. "This is going to save me a ton of money. Baby clothes are so expensive! Why are they the same price as mine when they're a tenth of the fabric?"

Nicky smiled indulgently, but truthfully she had never considered the cost; it hadn't been a worry of hers. If Marka ever had money worries, she kept them to herself, and she certainly never put Nicky off of buying things for Parker.

Lorna pulled Nicky into one final hug. She planted a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you, Nicky. You've never let me down. Not ever."

Nicky swore she could feel her heart breaking. "Well, what can I say?" Nicky said, her voice breaking a little. "I love you. Always have."

Lorna stared into her eyes. "I know," she said softly. "And I love you too."

Nicky squeezed Lorna's hands. It had been all she wanted to hear for such a long time, yet she forced herself to reply with the one sensible option. "Goodbye, Lorna."

Lorna forced a smile. "Bye, Nicky."

As Nicky closed the door on Lorna, the last guest, she turned to Red and Marka. They looked at her expectantly.

"I'd say that was pretty successful, wouldn't you?" Nicky said, her voice a little strained. She smiled. "I think Parker had a pretty good time."

"Yes, and that's the main thing," Marka said. She looked down at her granddaughter, who was draped across her lap. Her head lolled despite Marka trying to keep it steady. She'd fallen asleep before bath time, but Red had wiped her face over with a damp cloth to get most of the frosting off. "I think all the fun tired her out."

"Me too," Nicky said, smiling at the sight. "I should put her to bed."

"Maybe just leave her to sleep a little longer," Marka said quietly, gazing down at her. "She looks peaceful. Don't you think?"

Nicky nodded as she watched Parker's chest rise and fall.

"Why don't I get her pajamas set out and get her bed ready for her, whilst you two sit with her for a bit longer," Red suggested, coming to a stand. "Just come in when you're ready."

She stepped out of the room. She felt that she was always walking a thin line - being there for Nicky whilst not overstepping the mark. It seemed easier with Parker - children have two grandmas usually. But with Nicky, it was easier to be in competition. It was easier to cross boundaries without meaning to.

"What a day," Marka said. "It's hard to believe she's a year old already. It's funny. Knowing I'm a grandma to a one year old makes me feel so old, yet being with her makes me feel so young again."

Nicky gave a little half smile. "She loves you being here."

She would have been lying if she said it wasn't at least a tiny bit hard to watch. She didn't understand what was so wrong with her, that Marka couldn't love her like that when she was small.

"I love being here," Marka said honestly. "She reminds me so much of you at that age. Nicky...I know I wasn't the mother you wanted. And maybe I wasn't the mother I wanted to be. Or maybe I was just too wrapped up in my career and other things back then...but I would do anything for you, and Parker, too."

"Did you ever sit here with me like this?" Nicky whispered, holding Parker's hand.

"I didn't really get the chance to," Marka said quietly. "I went back to work when you were six weeks old. You were usually asleep already by the time I got home. It was different, back then...I didn't want to lose my place in the company. It's only now, I think, that I realize what I missed. How much I missed."

Nicky appreciated that. Leaving Parker in that hospital room was the hardest thing she had ever done in her entire life. She doubted anything would ever come close.

"I know things aren't perfect, and probably never will be," Nicky said, looking at Marka with a knitted brow. "But I am glad you're my mom."

Marka swallowed hard. She stroked Parker's head and leant into Nicky. "I am, too."

The two sat for a moment longer before Marka spoke again. "You should take her to bed. I think her big day tired her out."

Nicky reached over and took Parker from Marka's lap. She stirred a little, but soon settled on Nicky's shoulder. "And I'm glad that Parker had you when I couldn't take care of her, and now," she said softly, as she turned to put Parker to bed. Sometimes things were easier to say when you weren't facing the person.

"Yeah," Marka said softly, staring at her daughter holding her daughter. "Me, too."

She crept into the nursery where Red was sitting on the rocking chair, eyes closed. Nicky smiled at the sight and gently laid Parker down into her crib. When she began to whine, Nicky started to sing to her.

"Hush little baby…"

Red peeked her eyes open. When she saw Nicky hunched over the crib, she came and stood next to her.

"I love watching you being a mother," she said. "That little girl is so loved. You are doing a good job, Nicky."

She was thinking back to all those months ago when Nicky had said that she didn't love Parker. How distressed Nicky had sounded over it. How crushed she'd felt on hearing her say that. It didn't seem to matter now.

Nicky seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"You hear it all the time," Nicky said softly, leaning over the crib. "I read it in every book...that rush of love when they put her in your arms. You're supposed to love them more than anything. You're supposed to just know them, when you've never even met them yet."

Red looked at Nicky in surprise. "You do know them. Every kick and movement, you're the only one who knows that."

"Maybe," Nicky said. She stroked Parker's hair. "But we just needed a little time to get to know each other. I can't believe there was a time that I didn't want her." The guilt was clear in her voice. "I can't imagine life without her now. Happy birthday, baby. I hope she knows how much I love her."

"She knows," Red said. "Maybe even more because it didn't just come naturally to you. But come on. Leave her to sleep. She's got a lot of growing to do."

"Yeah," Nicky said softly, gently rubbing Parker's back as she watched her chest rise and fall. "Maybe just one last lullaby first, though."

A/N:

Fin! Thank you for all your reviews on this fic. I know this chapter is way longer than usual but there was so much I wanted to cram in! I've enjoyed writing it so much - it's probably one of my faves that I've written and I'm so glad you stuck around for the last chapter, even if it did take me a while to get there! I hope you review one final time and let me know your thoughts. I also hope that you're all safe and well in this crazy world at the moment.

- Star xo