Chapter 12

Eddie

I walked into my apartment, throwing my duffle bag down and hanging up my keys. I looked around, taking in the dirty dishes scattered about from before I left for home—if I could even call it that anymore—and trying to avoid the few pictures of me and Bella. I felt my stomach clench and my eyes sting with tears in the same way they had the whole week prior at the thought of her and Dad together.

I wasn't sure that anything in my entire life had ever hurt as bad as this did. I slumped down on my couch, closing my eyes. When I was fifteen, we moved to a new neighborhood and I'd had to start a new high school without my childhood friends. I'd noticed her first at lunch. Her head was thrown back as she laughed at something one of the girls at her table said. I'd never seen someone so beautiful before. Then, when I'd walked into biology, I saw her sitting against the window. The chair next to her was the only one available in the room. Even now, I could feel the way my palms started to sweat and remember how I prayed that she'd never notice the constant hard on she was bound to give me.

She introduced herself, and I fell even harder. Her voice was sweet, and her chocolate brown eyes sparkled as she smiled. I knew from that moment I'd never want anyone but her. We formed a quick and easy friendship; we'd had so many things in common. We shared a love of the same movies and music, along with views on the way of the world. We both had a warped sense of humor, fitting together naturally.

As the years went on, we'd stayed just as close, but I never let my ever-growing feelings for her show. She turned down every guy who asked her out, and I couldn't bear to have her do the same to me. I'd decided I'd rather have her as my friend than not have her at all.

When the time came, we'd decided on different colleges, even though I'd tried to persuade her to come with me. I wanted to put some distance between me and my father. I loved him, but I wanted to be my own person, and moving to Portland was the only way I could see that happening.

I remember my heart feeling like it was splitting in two as I backed out of the driveway. Bella was standing next to my dad, her face stained with tears. I'd hoped it was because she felt the same way about me as I did for her. That maybe the distance would open her eyes to how she really felt about me.

Now, I could only wonder if I'd pushed them together when I'd torn us apart. Would she have ever looked at me the way she looked at him? As much as I didn't want to admit it, I knew the answer to my questions. Nothing would have ever kept them apart. I may have been angry, but I wasn't stupid or blind. The way she looked at him, and him at her, they really were in love.

I'd never be more than her friend. I'd always be like a brother to her, as disgusting as that felt to think of now.

I was knocked out of my thoughts by my phone ringing. I really had no desire to talk to anyone, but I glanced at it anyway. Tanya. I quickly answered, knowing that I could dump all of this on her and she'd listen to every word.

"Hey."

"Hey, Junior! How's your break going?"

I laughed bitterly. "If I told you, I don't think you'd believe me."

Her voice was full of concern when she said, "Uh oh, what's going on?"

I inhaled deeply before releasing a hard breath. "I found out that Bella has been dating my dad. I couldn't stay there, so I left last night. Merry fucking Christmas, right?"

"Well, fuck. I didn't expect that. Why don't you come over? I'll break out the tequila, we can talk while we get wasted."

"Give me twenty minutes," I said before I hung up.

—GG—

"Holy shit. You punched your dad in the face?"

I shrugged. "I couldn't control myself."

Tanya burst into a fit of drunken giggles. "It's like you were on an episode of Jerry Springer!"

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but smile at her silliness. "Kind of. But seriously, Tan, what kind of father fucks his son's best friend? She was meant to be with me. He stole her from me."

The expression on her face shifted to something I couldn't read. "Junior, did you ever think if she was meant to be with you, then she would be? What if by pining and waiting for her, you're passing up someone right in front of you? Someone who wants you."

My eyes widened and I thought I was going to be sick. It had to be the tequila talking. "Tanya—"

"It's probably the tequila making me brave, but I know how you feel. Maybe I haven't known you for years, but I've known you long enough to know that I really, really like you. I've been afraid to tell you because I didn't want to feel the rejection." She must have seen the panic written on my face as she continued. "Look, I'm not asking you to go on a date with me. I'm not going to jump you, nothing like that. I definitely don't want to be a rebound, so I won't push you. But just think about it, okay?"

I couldn't take my eyes off her. I never noticed how beautiful she was with her light blue eyes and dirty blonde hair. She was a little thicker than most girls, but it looked good on her. She was kind, funny, and she was always there to listen. For the first time in forever, I could see myself falling for someone else, namely her. But she was right, she didn't deserve to be a rebound. And, if I was being honest, that's where these feelings may have been coming from. So I'd take my time, get to know her better, and see if there was truly anything between us.

"Yeah, okay," I said quietly.

—GG—

I smiled to myself as I looked at Tanya sprawled out on her bed before I left the next morning. My stomach flipped, but in a different way than it had recently. I almost felt excited at the prospect that there was maybe someone for me. It didn't wash away the feelings of sadness, hurt, or betrayal that I felt, but it did lessen them to the point where it was almost bearable.

I knew a part of me would always love Bella. I had no clue what the future held for us, or if our friendship would ever be the same again. But, I knew I had to start putting one foot in front of the other and slowly learn how to let go of the anger.

I deserved to be happy, and so did Bella and Dad.