"Pleasseee Chlo, for me?"

"Is Evan working?"

"No, don't worry, he's on leave. I know it's a night shift but I could really do with your help."

"Urgh, Fine!" Chloe agreed to do an extra shift on Keller the GS Ward. She'd worked there for a little while as a locum before she'd got the job on Darwin. Her brothers ward was understaffed so she'd agreed to help. She was exhausted but she was needed so she'd help.

"Ms Lipman, Hi, I'm Miss Goddard." Chloe said to an older lady on Keller.

"Hello chick, call me Mabel."

"That's a lovely name. Mr Levy told me you had abdominal pain, can I feel your tummy?" Chlo asked and Mabel nodded "I'm sorry," Chloe apologised "my hands are always freezing."

"Cold hands warm heart." Mabel smiled

"That's what my Gran and Great auntie always say." Chloe smiled

The shift wasn't turning out as badly as she'd worried. Mabel Lipman was a sweetheart as were a few others on the ward. They were mostly people preparing for or recovering from operations, since there weren't any electives on overnight. Mabel's symptoms were turning out to be a bit of an enigma and she was discussing them with Dom her bother "do we have any blood results?" Chloe asked

"No they lost her results and now are being slow"

"look, there!" Chloe said pointing at the scan" is that a bit of an obstruction, not the whole way across but it could be causing the pain."

"Good Spot Chlo, you really are that annoying little miss perfect sister." Dom said and Chloe smiled at the compliment. "I guess I spot different things that I'm used to seeing in CT." A crash call went off and they ran to a Mr Evatt. They weren't able to save him. Chloe had been told at medical school that loosing patients got easier, with elderly patients sure. They'd had a long life but Mr Evatt was in his early 30s. Not much older than Chloe herself. He'd never married, never had children, never managed to forge a career. Seeing young people die, that never got easier. Chloe could never be a peads doctor. She was on her way back to the nurses station when she heard she'd name "Miss Goddard."

"Hi Mabel, can't you sleep?" Chloe asked.

"I'm sorry chick. I know your busy but I finished my glass of water, would you be able to get me some more?"

"Yes of course," Chloe smiled "and I've been looking at your scans, Mabel, and I think you've got a bowel obstruction. I'm not 100% sure, and I shouldn't really be telling you anything but you should be absolutely fine with a small op."

"Oh thank you doctor. I've been so worried."

"Well I don't think you have anything to worry about." She smiled at the old lady who smiled back. As she sat at nurses station with a sigh a mug was placed in front if her "I'm sorry I don't know how you take your coffee? But I was making some so made one for you, Black no sugar but I can go add some milk if you like." A young nurse said "I'm Nabila, nurse Safar, your Miss Goddard right?"

"Black is great, thanks Nabila, and call me Chloe."

Despite the death of a patient perhaps this night shift wouldn't be to bad.

"Chlo" she heard her name and turned to see her brother who motioned for her to come over. "I've got Mabel's blood results and looking at that and her scans. The blockage is a tumour, she has cancer, and it's spread." He saw Chloe's face fall "I'm sorry."

"I told her she'd be ok. I thought it was just some kind of blockage that could easily be removed with an op." She put her head in her hands.

"For Gods sake Chloe, you're not an F1, what did you tell her that for when we'd not even got her results back yet? And in the morning one of us has to tell her she's dying." He said angrily.

Chloe went to the spare locker she was using. She was so angry at herself. She knew better than to give patients false hope. This wasn't even her specialism. You idiot Chloe, you complete idiot, your an awful doctor, you shouldn't even be a doctor, passing your exams was a fluke. You're not good enough to be a doctor, not good enough, not good enough, not good enough. She took the scalpel which she kept in her bag and slipped it into her pocket. She deserved to be punished she went into the toilets and locked herself in a cubicle.

Dom looked around. Where was Chlo? He hadn't ment to shout at her but she'd just disappeared. "Nabila?" He asked the nurse "have you seen Chloe, Miss Goddard?"

"I saw her heading towards the bathroom but that was about 20 minutes ago." He was worried she'd had a panic attack so decided to go find her. "Page me if you need me Nabila." He smiled at the young nurse. He looked in the locker room, no Chloe, the staff room, she wasn't there either. He went into the ladies "Chlo, are you in here? Are you okay?" Dom said. Chloe froze. There was only one cubicle closed. "Chlo is that you? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, give me a sec." Chloe said but her voice broke as she said it.

"No you're not." Dom said "come on Chlo open the door. I'm sorry I got angry at you."

"Just go away." Chloe answered. So Dom went into the next cubicle and stood on the toilet to try and reason with Chloe but what he saw shocked him. Chloe sat on the toilet lid holding toilet tissue on her stomach. Blood dripping down her abdomen and silent tears running down her face a scalpel in her hand.

"Oh god Chlo!" He couldn't hide his shock. She looked up at him like a deer in headlights. Shocked. Scared. Terrified even.

"Chloe. It's okay." He placated. She looked at him saucer eyes and shook her head. "Open the door, let me in and we can sort this. Sort those cuts out or call mum. Whatever"

"Don't call mum." Chloe said panicked

"Okay. Okay. We'll not call mum. We can put you in the treatment room. It's always empty on a nightshift. Let me clean your cuts and we can talk. I'm sorry I got angry with you."

"I deserved it." Chloe said unlocking the door. Dom took the scalpel from her hand and pulled her into a gentle hug. Trying not to press on her cuts. "I've got you Chlo, you're safe okay"

"I'm sorry, you must be so angry" Chloe said.

"You've got nothing to apologise for. I'm not angry. Honestly. I'm just concerned. Let's get you cleaned up hey?"

They went to the treatment room. They didn't have to go through the ward so nobody saw them. Dom tenderly treated his sisters cuts. She winced as he cleaned them and she cried. She always did when people saw her cuts, even friends and family, especially friends and family. She was so ashamed of herself and her inability to cope. Dom was shocked. How had he let this happen to his little sister. He remembered ages ago Ange saying something about not wanting Chloe to start self harming again but he hadn't imagined it actually happening. He'd got angry at her. Maybe it was his fault. He'd always tried to but had never understood the amount of self hatred someone would need to take a knife to their own skin. He'd taken steroids but he had been working out too, trying to get stronger, not trying to harm himself . He kissed his sister cheek as she cried. Seeing all the scars and old cuts as well as the fresh ones. He'd made her lie down so he could treat her and was shocked at the state of her abdomen not just the cuts and scars, she was scarily thin, he could see her ribs and her tummy was super flat, almost concave. She was looking away, her hand covering half her face just wiping her own tears occasionally. They didn't need stitches thankfully. He put steri-strips across them, and dressings on top of those. "What does mum usually do that helps in these situations?" Dom asked.

"She gets me a glass of water." Chloe whispered.

"Would you like me to get you water?"

Chloe nodded her head.

"Will you be okay here for a minute?"

Chloe nodded again. He walked quickly to the staff room. As quickly as he could without making people look. He went back into the treatment room Chloe was sat up hugging her legs into herself. "You okay Chloe?"

She nodded "taking deep breaths, cliché but it helps."

"You feeling ok?" He asked. She nodded.

A bit shaky give me 10 minutes to gather myself and I'll talk to Mabel."

"Let me check your Bp and heart rate." Dom got a blood pressure cuff.

"I'll be okay."

"Humour me."

He took Chloe's blood pressure. "Chloe your heart rate is sky high?"

"Anxiety." She said simply "like I said, give me 10 minutes and I'll finish this glass of water and I'll be okay".

" do you want to tell me what happened? I'm not judging you Chlo?" Dom asked her tenderly

"I don't know. I felt panicky and I know that cutting helps, I'm so sorry. I really messed up with Mabel and I needed to punish myself for getting it so wrong!"

"Chloe we all make mistakes."

"Not telling a dying old woman that she'll be fine."

"Chloe I had to repeat my F1 year because I messed up so monumentally. Let me talk to Mabel. I can tell her that her scans got mixed up."

"Let me come too." Chloe asked.

"Will you be okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, the sunrise must be soon, Gran alexia's says things look better in the morning one the sun is up. there's only an hour left of my shift. Or do you want me to stay a bit longer because I've literally done nothing but cause you hassle for the last hour."

"No, you get home. Is your car here or can I walk you home?"

"I drove, now I'm living with Nicky and Cam it's a bit too far to walk."

"Do you feel strong enough to come back to the ward. We'll talk to Mabel, then you're on obs and paperwork, okay?"

Chloe took a deep breath "I'm okay now. I'm okay." But she was talking to herself as much as Dom.

"I'm so sorry Mabel. Is there anyone I can call for you? Or we have people here you can talk to?" Chloe said

"Oh Doctor, don't worry love, If it's my time, it's my time. I've had a good run. I'm 88. 4 children. 10 grandchildren and 4 greats. And I'll be reunited with my John. Don't look so worried Doctor. We all have our time." She smiled at Chloe who smiled back.

"Did you want to have breakfast together?" Dom asked. "Thanks Dom but i just want to get home to bed."

"Okay, don't forget to have something to eat though. And lots of fluids. And if those cuts.."

"Dom, I don't need a lecture" Chloe interjected

"Okay sorry. If you need anything you know where I am." Dom said and Chloe rolled her eyes. But accepted his gentle hug.

Dom was torn. He wanted to keep Chloe's confidence she'd been so insistant that she didn't want him to call Ange but he wanted to talk. Needed to talk. Seeing Chloe that distressed had shocked him and upset him and he would feel like he was betraying her to talk to anyone else. They might walk on eggshells around her. As far as anyone else, other than Nicky and Cam knew, Chloe was a brilliant doctor if not a little highly strung.

Hi Mum. Are you free, can I come over. I'll bring breakfast? Dom x

Morning Dom, is everything okay? Of course you can.

Ange let Dom in and he sank onto her sofa with a sigh. And passed her a croissant. Ange was concerned she'd never seen him like this.

"Hard shift?" She asked.

"Yep...if I tell you something will you not tell anyone."

"What's happened?"

"So Chloe was down on Keller tonight. She made a mistake. She was overtired. Nothing awful she just told a patient that they'd be okay without the full picture when actually she's dyeing... Mum, Chloe's self harming." Dom said and looked at Ange who nodded but didn't look shocked "I'm sorry you had to see that." She sighed "how bad was it?" That was not the reaction he was expecting "I don't know. Bad enough. Did you know?"

"Yes. Did she need stitches?"

"No, I treated her with steri-strips."

"Thank God it was only superficial. I hate using that word when it comes to this but it usually is with Chloe."

"There was so much blood though. I looked ah the scalpel she was using it was pretty blunt thankfully. I dread to think what might have happened if.."Dom said his eyes filling with tears but he couldn't finish that sentence but continued. "And she was so... I don't know...so un Chloe like. She's usually so strong. I mean highly strung sometimes but she just seemed... I don't know... Broken"

Ange nodded "it's hard to watch when she's like that, has she gone back to Cam and Nicky's?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, good, they're good friends, they'll keep an eye."

"How are you so calm?" Dom asked "it took all my strength not to cry in front of Chloe."

"I am angry, and upset. I'm devastated that she has to go through that. That life, her brain causes her so much pain. I'm heartbroken internally, but I'm not shocked anymore. I have to be strong for her." Ange said although a tear slipped from her eye and she wiped it away furiously. "She would struggle even more if I fell to pieces. No matter how much I want to, but I have to be there for her. She has nobody else. Treat her medically, reassure her that it's okay and I'm not angry at her, and remind her she's loved."

"She has me now." Dom said and Ange smiled at him sadly.

"But there's something else." Dom said. "I know you were concerned before but she's so thin. If she were a patient I'd be doing a BMI and a psych evaluation. I invited her to breakfast but she said she was exhausted. Which was fair to be honest. She looked done in...look don't tell her I told you but I just needed to talk to someone. I suggested calling you but she didn't want me to."

"Dom, I'm sorry you had to see that. God knows it's hard to watch someone you love going through all that. Thank you for being discreet, and for telling me. I will keep an extra eye on her. Let me drive you home, you look exhausted." He accepted and ange dropped him home then went back to her own house. She texted Chloe

Hey darling,

Fancy a walk up on the downs when we're both next off. Missing having you around at home. Love you so much.

Mum x

Only then did she let the tears fall. For Chloe but she was so proud of Dom for looking after her, but that only made her cry harder. She'd deprived Chloe of a big brothers support as she was growing up. Would that have changed anything. Maybe... but she couldn't turn back time, and they had each other now. Her two beautiful, intelligent, wonderful Children had each other now.