I dunno about y'all, but I needed a bigger reaction than what we got in 0.2/2.8 when Riku found out Aqua had sacrificed herself so that he and Sora could close the Door to Darkness, especially after learning the rest of their story.
So here it is, the anger, the guilt, and everything in between he must have felt in the moments leading up to him and Mickey saving her.
Special thanks to Tempest_Type0 for being in my life the past few years and beta-ing this piece.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts.
Destiny Islands had its cool spurts during the winter, but it was never truly cold. The Islands were at least warm, if not hot, year-round, with the sunrays warming skin and sand wherever they touched, and Riku remembered a time when he loved the sunlight, because the light meant he had the time to run around and play, explore, do his own things.
He also remembered a time when he hated the sunlight, bright and garish and harsh and unforgiving.
When he stepped into the coolness of the dark for the first time, he felt a fearlessness like never before, the darkness surrounding him so tightly it felt like he could burst from the raw sensation. He was heady with the feeling of power as the Islands disappeared from view, a power he would later come to find wouldn't last—darkness was a strange addiction, one that he didn't know he lost himself in until it was too late and he was left looking out from the inside as Ansem controlled his body. He remembered all too well banging his fist and Soul Eater against his mental prison, breaking free for that single moment in Hollow Bastion to hold back the darkness inside himself, tainted with Ansem's powers, before he was swallowed whole.
That should have been the end of him. Riku knew that should have been the end of him, falling into an abyss of his own making. He was the instrument of his own demise, his recklessness and foolishness rivaling Sora's, in his moments, in that moment he stepped into the dark portal and was transported off Destiny Islands for the first time. It was a dream fulfilled, ambition realized, power wanted.
But he had asked for it, the darkness and the power and the anger and the cold coming to him that moment as easy as breathing, the moment where he had forgotten completely the promise he had made to Terra.
I wanna be strong one day. Like that kid who left. He went to the outside world. I bet he's really strong now. I know it's out there somewhere. The strength that I need.
Strength for what?
To protect the things that matter.
He uttered those words ignorant of the cost of Xehanort's power, wanting to see other worlds, wanting, back then, to protect the things that mattered to him. Riku wanted to protect his home, his family…Sora's light and Kairi's smile.
Aqua didn't ask for any of it.
Aqua was trying to do the very thing Riku had failed to do, and she was paying a far greater price than any of them could endure.
Riku had glanced around Yen Sid's study at the top of the Mysterious Tower, looking for something to latch onto. His shaking hands had tightened into fists, his anger rising at Mickey, his friend who had more than once given him hope in the deepest darkness.
"She sacrificed herself to save me?"
He couldn't even lift his head up to ask the question, his anger and frustration—at Mickey, at himself—threatening to take ahold of him.
I wanna be strong one day.
"Why did you keep it from me for so long?!" Riku had finally turned to Mickey, needing, demanding an answer. He had been there; he could remember the day they closed the Door to Darkness as if it were yesterday. He could feel the excitement when he finally arrived at a place beyond the white road he had run on for so long, the desperation of needing to know whether Sora and Kairi were all right, the foreboding sensation of being without a body as Ansem took over, the strange sensation of his body being restored after Ansem's defeat, the sheer joy of seeing Sora again as he helped his oldest and closest friend close the Door…and never once did he notice, never once did he even know that he owed all of that to the woman who had willingly thrown herself into darkness, not once, but twice, in order to save him, save the Realm of Light.
I remember my first time here. I was so scared.
The Dark World was everything Riku remembered and forgotten, everything he dreaded and everything he had fought against—and won.
He had chosen this path. Aqua had not.
"I had to respect her choice," Mickey had said back at the Tower.
It wasn't nearly enough of an answer. "What about us?" he had asked. "You could have given us a choice."
Inwardly, Riku knew it wasn't truly Mickey's fault. He and Master Yen Sid were right; even if he had known, there was no way he could have reached Aqua, or even helped her. He was a kid of fifteen, and even though he had the bravado and the sense of righteousness back then to have wanted to save her, it would have been impossible. She was a Keyblade Master. He was just a kid who had touched a keyblade once before.
In your hand, take this key. So long as you have the makings, then through this simple act of taking, its wielder you shall one day be. And you will find me, friend—no ocean will contain you then. No more borders around, or below, or above, so long as you champion the ones you love.
It was difficult to not place blame, though. Walking along the windings in the Realm of Darkness, Riku allowed the familiar, enticing touch of darkness to brush against his heart, but ultimately knowing that it wouldn't take him over, not like it had in the beginning of his journey, and not when he had chosen it to fight against Xemnas alongside Sora. He had loved the light, hated the light, loved the coldness of the dark, raged against the darkness, feared the darkness, but Riku later realized that as much as he loved the sunlight and liked the cool nights, he was made for the times between, made for the dawns and sunrises and dusks and sunsets and twilights.
What if she's feeling as scared and alone…as I felt the first time I came here? How long are we supposed to keep her waiting in this awful place?
He almost wanted to apologize to Terra—Terra had given him the chance to gain the strength he had today, and how had he repaid him?
To protect the things that matter.
Aqua mattered, and they just let her sacrifice herself to darkness.
By the time they found her, Aqua had already been warped and twisted into something else.
"You abandoned me, that's what," she hissed at Mickey, trapped in the dark vortex while Riku was knocked onto his knees on the beach of the Dark Margin. "Left me in this shadow prison for more than a decade, knowing what it would do to me."
Riku felt his guilt intensify, his anger and frustration at Mickey flare back to life at her words, knowing that of all people, he understood her, understood everything she was saying. He was the one person who could empathize with her, and he knew how heavily the darkness weighed on the heart. Even as Mickey apologized, he knew it wouldn't lessen the hurt, the anger, and anguish that festered in Aqua now.
"I reached this shore after endless wandering. Waited forever for help to arrive…but no one ever came. I lost my keyblade. Had no means of fighting my way back through the Heartless. You should have known I was stranded. Do you have any idea how lonely it is here? How frightening it is to have no one? All that's left in my heart is misery and despair."
She walked on the dark waters, brandishing Mickey's fallen keyblade. "And now, you can share it!"
Riku pulled himself to his feet, letting his guilt, anger, and frustration burn away as resolve took its place. "There's no need," he replied. "Got my own."
He felt the heart of his replica awaken inside of his, joining with his heart as he reached out a hand to summon Braveheart.
It's my turn to save you.
