Chapter 19: Reflection


Ruby

"She's not answering…" I grumbled.

I rested my chin on the table and let my arms spread straight out, holding my Scroll and willing Taylor's reply to appear.

"It's Taylor, I'm sure she's fine," Yang remarked with a wave of her hand, a cold drink in the other.

"But she always answers me, like right away!" Straight away! Except for that time I texted her about her arm… and her sword… and her gun… Okay, maybe not all the time. "You don't think anything happened, right?"

"It has been some time, long enough that some of us"—Weiss glared at Yang and me—"couldn't be patient enough to wait before ordering. Regardless, Taylor's perfectly capable of handling herself," Weiss stated.

But that look Taylor had before she left…

The heel of my foot bounced rapidly, and I sent another message.

Come on, Taylor…

"Rubes! Slow your roll! You're shaking the table!" Yang stated, lifting her drink so that it stopped vibrating with my leg.

"Sorry! I just feel like something's up."

"I'm sure Taylor is okay, but if you're worried, we can go check on her. She's just in the park," Blake said.

"Right on! Let's go—wait, how did you know where she was?" I asked.

Blake sheepishly turned away and slipped her Scroll into her pocket. A small flush spread across her pale face. Awwwwww, she was already checking on the location of Taylor's Scroll.

"Okay, I'm going to run off ahead—I'll see you guys there," I stated quickly before zipping off toward the park.

I heard Weiss cry out behind me, but I was already down the street and leaping up onto the roofs for a quicker route.

Oops, I didn't pay for my drink… Weiss will get it.

My Semblance helped me reach the outskirts of the park in just a couple of minutes. I hoped that I wouldn't get in trouble for jumping across the rooftops.

I checked my Scroll and Taylor was still in the park, so I headed straight in her direction and—

Why am I going this way?

Glancing around, I noticed that I had somehow turned and gone around the park instead of into it.

Huh.

I jumped down to the street level and made sure that I had a straight line to the park. I rushed down it, only to find myself suddenly down a side street heading away from the park.

How? I was moving straight toward it… is someone using their Semblance?

The cold hand of fear brushed down my spine.

Taylor's in trouble!

I leapt back onto the rooftops and got close enough that I knew I could make it in one jump. I faced toward the middle of the park and got down into a sprinter's position. My Semblance erupted through me, and I rocketed off the roof with a mighty bound.

Rose petals flooded the air behind me as I slowly began to drop into the park.

Even if someone's using some kind of Semblance to keep people away, they can't change my direction in mid-air!

The park flew by beneath me, and I quickly overshot where I was aiming for.

Oops, too fast—

I crashed through a series of branches, and I did not land butt first onto a rose bush.

After a moment of not picking thorns out of my clothes and peeling leaves and sticks out of my hair, I brought out my Scroll to check Taylor's location.

Annnnnnndddddddd she's left the park.

I groaned out loud and moved to follow her. At first, Taylor was only a couple of blocks away, but her signal was moving pretty fast, like she was running...

Oh no! She's being chased!

I sent a quick message to Yang to get everyone to hurry. My finger hovered over the button to call my locker with Crescent Rose in it.

I don't have time to wait… but what can I do without Crescent Rose?

"Aaaarrrggghhhhh!" I shouted in frustration and started after Taylor. What is the point in Taylor beating me up every week if I don't actually use those hand-to-hand lessons?!

I called out to Taylor but got no response. People around me yelled in anger or surprise but none of it mattered, not now. Something was wrong.

Taylor veered further away from the crowded streets and out of sight around a corner.

I reached the mouth of the alley Taylor ran down and looked around for whatever was chasing her. There was no sign of any pursuers—except me—but what I did see was way worse.

Taylor slammed her fists into the rear wall of the dead-end alley, creating two small craters. Then she just crumpled, sluggishly sliding down the wall until she was seated.

I started toward her but froze when I saw a huge spider-roach perched on the wall. Another one was a few feet above it. And another… and another and... Oh god, there were so many.

I choked back a squeal, but the nasty bugs didn't move at all. They were actually perfectly still. Very weird, even creepier than they normally were.

"T-Taylor?" I shout-whispered, hoping the bugs wouldn't start moving.

Taylor was hugging one knee to her chest and didn't acknowledge me or move to do anything at all.

Before I could say anything else, a gray figure flashed into existence between us. It looked like a person made of a million motes of light.

It ran straight at Taylor, silent as a ghost. Lights trailed behind the figure's head like long hair.

Everything else fell away as I watched the phantom rush towards my friend.

"Taylor!" I screamed in alarm and bolted forward. It had appeared too close to Taylor and even with my Semblance, I knew I wasn't going to get to her first."Don't you touch her!"

Instead of heading directly at Taylor, the figure slammed its fist against the wall beside her, smashing into the same craters Taylor had made and widening the cracks in the brickwork. It slumped down, crumpling, before overlapping with Taylor's body, mimicking her motions. Then all the lights faded, and it was gone.

I skidded to a stop, but not before my hands slammed painfully into the wall, well below the marks Taylor and the figure had made.

At least it wasn't my face.

"Taylor! Are you okay? What happened? What was that thing? You didn't…" Her expression. "...answer your Scroll…"

Two trails of tears, already drying, ran from puffy eyes. Her usual serious face was gone; instead, there was simply nothing. No emotion. No sadness from whatever made her cry. Not even recognition that I was there.

I wasn't sure what to do. This was Taylor. I couldn't even imagine anything that could do this to her.

"I wanted to do better," Taylor stated tonelessly, not looking up.

"Taylor? W-what's wrong?" No reaction. Like she didn't hear me at all.

"I thought it was just a matter of choosing to do things differently, the right way, like all I had to do was not be like Skitter, or Weaver, or Khepri."

"Who?" I wasn't sure if Taylor even knew who she was talking to, or if she just needed to say the words out loud.

"But now, I see the problem. I kept going, all because I didn't want to look back and just fucking admit that I was wrong," she snarled, a deep scowl covering her face, only to disappear behind a bitter smile. "As if everything I did was okay if I accomplished my goal. So fucking confident that I would be right in the end." Emotion drained away with each word, and it was a shell of a person, not Taylor, that finished the sentence.

"I'm not sure what's going on," I started but stopped when Taylor raised her head, and I saw empty eyes stare back at me.

"If you found out you killed someone you cared about, what would you do?"

"I-I, uh…" My thoughts short-circuited.

I didn't believe her. Taylor could be harsh, but never evil. She wasn't a killer. She'd never do that to someone she cared about, I knew that. There had to be something else, something that made whatever Taylor thought she had done make sense.

Whatever it was, it didn't stop the crushing sadness Taylor felt.

I couldn't even begin to imagine what that would be like. If… If I had been the one who got Yang killed somehow… Or Dad, or Weiss, or Blake, or Taylor... Just the thought made my eyes watery. My stomach churned, and I wanted to hide under my cloak.

"No answer? You're supposed to be one of my examples of—actually, it makes sense that you wouldn't know." She dropped her gaze again. The action somehow isolated her from me—from everything.

The silence let everything sink in. This wasn't stopping. This was real. Taylor might have killed someone, a friend.

There weren't words to help or make this better. I leaned down and hugged Taylor, cradling her head under my chin—the same way Yang comforted me when I needed it. It wasn't enough, no matter how hard I wished it was.

"I'm not even surprised, it should have been obvious." Taylor's jaw clenched hard. I could practically feel her teeth grinding. "It should have been obvious." Her tone was the same one Uncle Qrow whispered with under his breath when he had too much to drink and thought he was alone. I hadn't ever heard the words, but I didn't need to for the message to come across.

Taylor continued muttering the same line, scattered between swears and insults, all directed toward herself. Shortsighted, ignorant, blind; the list went on.

It hurt to hear her say all sorts of terrible things about herself. I denied every insult, trying to make her feel better. Taylor was better than she thought she was. I knew she was, but she might as well have not heard me at all. Taylor had withdrawn, and I didn't know how to bring her back out.

Eventually, Taylor said nothing at all.

Hugs weren't helping. Words were ignored.

I… should at least get her away from here.

She didn't resist as I looped an arm around her and stood her up. We had just stepped out of the alley when Blake landed in front of us, eyes frantically searching for danger, and a steak knife from the cafe at the ready.

"What happened? Was it the White Fang? What—" Blake's breath hitched when she caught Taylor's expression. "Taylor, are you okay?" she asked, almost scared.

Then, Blake's eyes widened, and she appeared behind us in the alley, a clone fading away from her previous spot. One hand lay protectively over us while the other held the knife in a reversed grip.

Another gray figure, just like the one before, wandered toward us. Head down, pace slow, and an arm that looked like it was over someone's shoulder—just like Taylor.

"Blake, I think that's Taylor's Semblance," I said.

"It is?" she asked, just as the lights that made up the figure broke apart and disappeared.

Something like a cross between a huff of laughter and a sigh left Taylor. "I felt it… A Semblance that repeats my own actions, how appropriate." For an instant, there was a razor edge of hatred in her voice before it disappeared completely. "Even my own soul is telling me that I can't change."

The ghostly tingles of goosebumps ran along my skin. I was worried and sad before; now I was scared too. Taylor sounded so hollow.

Blake met my eyes. She felt it too.

"What happened?" Blake asked, voice faint and cautious.

"I-I don't really know. Taylor's…" Unresponsive. "She wasn't attacked or anything. She said that…" The rest of the words caught in my throat. Should I say it? That Taylor killed someone? Someone she cared about? Would that help her? "Nothing… she didn't mention anything. I-I just found her like this…"

Blake didn't say anything, studying my face, before nodding slowly. I knew I wasn't a great liar, but hopefully, she hadn't picked up on it. "Let's get her back to our room," she said and placed a hand on Taylor's back for more support.

Blake had a slight limp. She must have really pushed it to get here, enough that her Aura couldn't fully absorb the impacts of her jumps.

We slowly started back.


The trip back to Beacon felt like it took an eternity.

After I ran out of answers to Weiss and Yang's questions, no one tried to talk. I had hoped Blake, Weiss, or especially Yang would think of something to say, but we all just sat in silence.

Weiss had been glancing at Taylor with a confused expression, like she was struggling with something. I wanted to ask her about it—she was my partner, after all, so I was the best person to talk to her—but I decided to wait till later when things were… less intense.

Yang was keeping a weird distance from Taylor, which I didn't get. We were all friends and teammates, so why wasn't she trying to help?! Yang always worked to cheer me up when I was feeling down, but now she was just sitting there. Yang was so strong, she never let anything get her down.

When Mom disappeared, I had sobbed into her shoulder so many nights… Yang had cried too, but she had always put me first, giving me a smile and a hug. She was the one I'd thought would have known what to do for something like this.

I definitely didn't. I'd always been the one being comforted, not the one comforting. Now, I wasn't the one hurting, and I had no idea what to do. I hated it. A good Huntress should be able to help anyone with anything, like a true hero.

When I had started going back to school after Mom's funeral, Bianca, Nickel, and Kohaku had been joking and cheering me up every chance they could, just like good friends would. They even sent me messages nowadays when I mentioned messing up a test, though it was much less frequently now that I was at Beacon while they were still at Signal.

Now Taylor was the one who needed support, and I wasn't sure how to give it. I had failed, as a Huntress and a friend.

Blake and I sat at Taylor's side in the Bullhead, trying to calm her when she came close to hyperventilating, but she didn't seem to hear us and calmed herself down after a few frantic breaths. Taylor didn't ask for help or tell us what the problem was. We couldn't comfort her, so she had to do it herself.

The airship landed, and we made our way to our room, guarding Taylor on all sides. Well, except for Yang, who was dragging behind us slightly.

Other students noticed us as we slowly made our way down the halls, usually staring at Taylor and talking amongst themselves.

After we turned the corner to our dorm building, a blond boy I hadn't seen before made his way toward us, his hands resting on the back of his head. It was nice to see someone with a smile, despite it feeling out of place right now.

"Yo, you're Team RWBY, right?" Then he picked out Taylor and his smile dropped. "Hey, did Taylor get hurt beating up more baddies? I thought we were gonna do the crime-fighting thing together?" he said disappointedly. "You need help getting her to the med bay?" He then noticed Blake and gave her a weird wink for some reason. "Hey, I haven't seen you before—"

Blake cut him off with a look that sent shivers down my spine. "Piss off," she growled, dismissing the blond boy and focusing back on Taylor.

He flinched away from her. "Uh, sorry, I just—"

"Now's not the best time. Maybe later?" I said hesitantly with a little wave and hurried back to walk alongside Taylor.

Weiss moved ahead to open our dorm for us, but Taylor pulled away toward Team JNPR's door. Before we could say anything, Taylor gave a half-hearted knock on the door. Everyone shared a concerned look as the door opened to reveal Jaune in casual clothes, the rest of Team JNPR lounging behind him.

"Oh, hey guys, what's…" Jaune trailed off as he noticed Taylor's state. "What happened?" he asked seriously, concerned and shocked.

"Taylor!" Pyrrha shouted and was next to Jaune in an instant. "What's wrong? What happened?!"

"Ren," Taylor said, not looking up from staring at her feet. "I need you to use your Semblance on me."

Pyrrha covered her mouth, looking unsure and more worried than I had ever seen her before.

"Taylor, I… I don't think—" Ren started, worry breaking the usual calm cadence of his speech.

"Ren!" Taylor snapped. Slowly, Taylor raised her head to look at them. Her expression almost broke me. "Please," she calmly begged.

Ren looked around to his team; Jaune gave him an unsure nod, Pyrrha was only focused on Taylor as she fought with herself on what to do, and for the first time, there was no grin on Nora's face, and none of her boundless energy. The rest of Team RWBY stood helplessly behind Taylor with mixed expressions of apprehension.

Carefully, Ren approached Taylor and put a hand on her shoulder. The colors of both her and Ren's clothing seemed to shift into a duller shade as both their emotions were masked by Ren's Semblance. I didn't like the feeling of it when Ren had used it on each of us in practice, even if it only cloaked my negative emotions. But Taylor seemed to immediately become… stronger from it, in a way that left me queasy.

More silence, more waiting, more not being able to help.

"Taylor?" Pyrrha asked cautiously, daring to inch closer. "Are you okay? Wha-what happened?" Pyrrha was almost pleading.

"It's not something you should be involved with," Taylor stated evenly, eyes closed in concentration.

Pyrrha recoiled, like she had been burned. Her lip quivered, and she shrunk in on herself. "Oh," was all she said, almost guiltily.

Nora went over to Pyrrha and put a hand on her shoulder.

"I… I think that's enough, Taylor. I'm going to let go," Ren warned as he slowly retracted his hand.

The moment Ren's Semblance deactivated Taylor gasped from the weight of whatever she was feeling and fell to her knees, breathing heavily.

I gave her a hug, and Taylor gently leaned into the embrace. I almost wished she was sobbing. That would have been better than this. More arms wrapped around us as we huddled together, half in the hallway and half in Team JNPR's room. Together we held Taylor with all the warmth we could, not knowing how else to help.

I glanced at Pyrrha, who hadn't joined in. She shook her head lightly, then gave me a small encouraging smile. I wasn't sure what was going on.

Yang hadn't moved either, but I focused on Taylor instead.

If there was one thing I could accomplish with my life, I'd make sure that my friends never had to go through something like this.

Never again.


We were eventually able to lead Taylor to her bed. She had murmured that she was tired, and no one disturbed her as she got under her covers. I wasn't sure if she was actually going to sleep or just laying there.

Team JNPR stayed in their room, looking worried. They wanted to know what had happened but decided that giving Taylor space first was more important. Pyrrha hadn't said anything, looking ashamed but still concerned. I hadn't known they were that close, and I didn't know why she looked like that. so guilty.

"What should we do?" Weiss asked in the hall outside our room, looking at me specifically.

"I… I don't know." Some leader I was… "Yang, what do you think?"

"No clue," she said with a helpless shrug. I was shocked over how distant Yang sounded.

"Well, for now, I'm going to study at my desk," Weiss stated. The 'and watch over Taylor' went unsaid, but was understood.

"Imma take a walk," Yang said and started down the hall before anyone could reply.

I couldn't believe it. Yang just left.

I was about to go after her when Blake gripped my shoulder like a vice. "Okay, tell me what really happened," Blake said, yellow eyes almost glowing as she loomed over me.

"I, uh, I don't know if I…" Maybe Blake can help? She's probably the closest to Taylor out of everyone I know. She might know what to do. No one else has done anything, and I can't just do nothing. I swallowed my doubts. "She was running—I'm not sure from what or why—and ended up in that alley. Then she just crumpled." The worry and fear was still fresh. "She started saying that she was a bad person, and how obvious it seemed and…" I shifted into a whisper without realizing it. "Blake, she said she killed someone, someone she cared about."

Blake stilled, eyes drilling into mine. I instinctively flinched away, but her hand held me in place. A lot of things flashed over Blake's face, so quick I wondered if I was just seeing things.

After a long, tense, and kinda awkward silence, Blake let out a deep breath. "You haven't told anyone else yet, right?" she asked cautiously.

"No… I wasn't sure I should."

"Good. Don't."

"B-but, we—nobody has said anything. No one knows what to do." I don't. "Shouldn't we ask for help? Maybe one of the professors—"

"No," Blake stated adamantly. "That would only get Taylor in trouble… You want to help her, right?" she asked, face and grip softening.

Of course I did. "Yeah."

"Then you have to keep this a secret. From everyone. Understand?"

"A-are you sure?"

"Yes. Do. You. Understand?" Her voice was level, but also almost… threatening? No, I was probably just imagining things.

"Okay, I won't say anything."

"Good. For now, let's just see how Taylor adjusts. Give her time. Let her work some things out."

"But, should we try and help? Make her feel better? I don't know, she likes tea and books… maybe a reading tea party?"

Blake gave me a sad smile. "That's sweet, Ruby, but some things…" She looked away. "Some things you can't just make better. Some things stay with you, keep hurting you, and won't just go away. Only time can help."

"Oh." My body drooped.

"She'll get through this. And we'll be with her as she does."

"...Okay." But I wanted to help now.

Blake nodded and quietly slipped into our room. I stayed in the hall, cloak bundled in my hands.

It felt like no matter what I did, there wasn't a right choice, but doing nothing... Mom wouldn't have sat back while someone was hurting. A Huntress wouldn't. If I couldn't help her directly, then maybe there was something else.

I went to look for Yang, hoping she might have an idea, and to ask why she wandered off.

She was in the stairwell of the dorm, standing in front of the window on one of the plateaus between the sets of stairs. She was idly tapping on her Scroll, eyes drifting between it and the view outside.

I could tell the site she was on from a distance: 'The Crave', a site that posted a bunch of lists of vehicles, clothes, pets doing funny things, food, and more. It didn't post anything on weapons, so I wasn't sure how it was supposed to make you 'Give in to The Crave'. Bad slogan.

Honestly, Yang walking off to look at a bunch of dumb lists when we had a friend in need made me mad. The Yang I knew wouldn't have done something like this.

"Yang," I called out, walking down the steps to her.

She turned slowly, like a sloth, but um, faster than a sloth actually would. "Oh, need something, Rubes?" The lilac in her eyes seemed almost dull, and a frown didn't budge from her face.

"I wanted to ask, well, what was that?" A bit of anger slipped into my question. Yang had walked away to read about bike parts!

"I get it. But, it's fine."

"What?!" I could believe Yang would just brush this off.

"Look, it's not like they need me. They'll work it out on their own."

"Yang, what are you talking about?" I didn't understand. Of course we needed her, we needed all the help we could!

"I just… With Blake and Taylor, I just don't…"

"What?! What could be the reason you'd just leave when our friend—"

"I don't know how to help, okay?! There. I don't know what to do. Everything I tried with Blake and Taylor, even just trying to get to know Taylor, nothing worked! How am I supposed to help her with this when everything I try doesn't work!" Yang exclaimed. "If you hadn't noticed, Taylor and I aren't exactly friends, either. Same with me and Blake."

"So, what? You're giving up just because you haven't been able to be friends with them?" I asked, concerned but still a little disappointed in my sister.

"Some people just aren't meant to be friends. It's not a bad thing, it just happens. What Taylor needs is people she can feel safe with, people she's close with. I'm not one of them."

"Don't you want to help her?" I asked, almost not believing what I was hearing.

"Of course I want to help!" Yang yelled.

"Then—"

"Look, Ruby, I don't have the answers, alright?! I don't know what to do! Stop pressuring me like I should!"

"What? I'm not—I didn't mean to. I just thought—"

"Whatever it is, I can't help, Rubes. I just… I opened up to Blake, and she still went off on her own. I asked Taylor that if Blake or her ever needed help, that she'd come to us, but then they went off and fought a bunch of criminals on their own anyway."

"That was because—"

"I know why. I understand why, but still—I wanted to be there for them, I was, and they never needed me, or I just proved that I wasn't the person who could help them when I didn't call Weiss out on her shit and…" Yang grimaced, fists clenched, eyes closed; the same way she always did when she tried not to get mad. "I'm the problem here, Ruby. I'm supposed to be Blake's partner, but I couldn't help her. I want to be there for Taylor too, but I don't know how." She met my eyes. "If I could, I would, Ruby. But I don't think I can."

There were two times when I had heard Yang sound like this before. Once was after her bike broke down for the first time. Yang had been so excited when she got it that she had gone through maintenance and repair articles like I went through cookies. It was hers, and she wanted to keep it perfect, like I did for Crescent Rose. Unfortunately, even after three days of trying to figure out what was wrong, Yang hadn't found the problem. She had tried so hard, but in the end, her stubbornness had worn down.

The other happened about a year and a half ago, when Yang had come home in the middle of the night, bruised and smelling like gunpowder. She'd marched straight to one of the practice dummies we kept set up behind the house, and punched it for a good twenty minutes straight. In the end, I had to help her back to the house. She had been exhausted when she arrived, and the last of her steam had been used up on turning the dummy to pulp. 'I don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to find a real clue, Ruby', was all I got out of her before she was sleeping like a log… that also snored. A snoring log.

It was the sound of defeat. Both times, she'd moped around for days afterward. No matter how many of my cookies I offered her, or hugs, or how much time I spent with her, she still sulked. But, she always thanked me, saying how it helped, even if it never really got her out of her funk. Eventually, something came along that brought Yang back to a hundred-percent.

Maybe this was like those times, for both Yang and Taylor. Taylor needed time to get back on her feet, and all I could do was be there. But I doubted that any of the things I did for Yang would work for Taylor. Even so, I refused to think that there was nothing we could do.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Yang. I'm the team leader. I should have helped Blake just as much as you. We didn't, but we can't stop trying just because we don't know how. Blake eventually came around, we talked, and now we know what to do. Now, we have to learn to be better so that the next time something happens, we will know how to help. So, I'm going to keep trying, so I can become the person Taylor needs. That Blake needs. That anyone needs when they're hurting. You've always been that person for me, so I know you can be that person for others. We just have to figure out how. Together."

Yang stared at me for a long time, and her frown turned upside-down, tears at the corner of her eyes. She grappled me in one of her hugs, the ones that bordered between bone-crushing and too tight.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in my ear.

I wheezed out what was probably going to be my last breath, before she let me go.

"Alright, let's head back and try to think of what we can actually do."

There's the Yang I knew. "Right on! Because I have no idea!"

"Well, it's technically a start."

I grinned. We would be able to come up with a plan eventually. As long as we were together.


Taylor

I could see it now, the through-line that strung up each of my regrets.

Skitter, Weaver, Khepri. Dividing them made it easier to focus on the differences, compartmentalize what I had thought was wrong, but now I saw the connection. Every choice, each different direction, all with the same flaw. One single problem that killed Brian, Aster, and so many others.

Each of my personas was just another approach to trying to make all the bad things I had done mean something, all so that I could avoid the guilt of it all. As if continuing to hurt people would be justified if I accomplished enough good in the end.

But there was nothing that came from Brian's death. There wasn't anything to take from it, any way to make it mean something other than what it was—the time I sent someone I cared about to their death.

I couldn't justify his murder, no matter how I tried—and I always tried. So self-assured that I couldn't just stop and consider that I was wrong. So sure that everyone should have just agreed with me and things would have been better.

What do you do when you realize you're a monster? A child so afraid of what she's done that she never stopped to learn from her mistakes?

Ever since I had become a cape, I had cut and carved others into steps for myself, thinking I was building a path for everyone else as well. Now that I looked back, all I noticed was the blood.

Ruby and Blake had brought me to my bed, and I clung to it for the rest of the day and into the night.

Sleep came and went, but I didn't feel rested. Dreams left me mentally exhausted as I relived moments that I couldn't recall once awake.

I opened my eyes but didn't move. I couldn't find a reason to.

When the problem was so ingrained, was it even possible to fix? Any attempt seemed hopeless from the start. Not to mention how tired I was: of finding some new way I fucked up, of having to re-evaluate everything. Why couldn't I have done things right, for once?

I had thought I was doing better, or at least, making steps toward it.

The worst thing was how obvious my problem seemed now that I saw it.

Sometimes the bad things you've done didn't have any meaning—they were just mistakes. You couldn't change them into something else, and you couldn't make them mean anything after the fact. I had kept going down a road I didn't want to travel, because otherwise, all the bad things I did would have been for nothing, and I couldn't handle that.

I was too damn scared of taking responsibility for what I'd done, always needing to make something of all the bad decisions, just to feel less shitty about myself. If I wasn't doing good, then I didn't have value, not to myself.

Everything had been to prove I had worth, that I wasn't the girl so isolated and unimportant that even when I was screaming for help in a locker, no one came. That I could be someone Mom would have been proud of.

I murmured a goodbye as Team RWBY went to their classes. They had an argument about whether someone should stay with me but decided that I should have some time to myself. I hadn't found the words to say that I would like to be alone, so I was… thankful felt too fulfilling while everything rang hollow, but an echo of relief washed over me as they left.

I didn't want them to see what was under my mask, to possibly be another step to push off of.

Maybe it would be better if I left… even for a bit… just to be safe…

I sent the text and waited. The reply came shortly after. I had my out.

I shoved my clothes into a bag, along with my books. The tea set was stored in the box it came in. The bed would be annoying to move but necessary.

This was for the best, because no matter how much I hated it, I hated what I could end up doing more.

Chapter 19 End


Praise be to Juff, Breakingamber, ccstat, Sigravig, Majigah, and TheBiggerFish.

So, Semblance! We'll go more into it, that's just Taylor's perspective on it, lots of different themes regarding it, yadda yadda. I was told it was serviceable, and sorry if it's not what you hoped for. I'm actually rather excited about it, there's a lot of cool stuff I have planned. I wanted it to be something simple with very little 'rules' and such, but used in extremely complex ways by Taylor. It's not a huge power boost to make Taylor super strong—she'll probably be weaker than most of the cast in a straight fight for years. This isn't a Bankai or equivalent either, it doesn't need ten steps, three modes, five conditions, and an aria activation.

If RWBY tries to label the character's Semblance with one word—Ren's being Tranquility and Pyrrha's being Polarity, for example—then I'd probably call Taylor's Reprise.

So, for those who read the original version, there's obviously a big change in the later half. Taylor no longer has that really terribly done getting better montage. I had originally done that because the next few chapters I had occurred in Vol 3, which meant I needed like, three in-universe months to go by. We would have gotten to the part where Mercury challenges Pyrrha, but then Taylor steps in to take her place. That fight is the first one I wrote for this entire fic. After that, I was going to start really jumping away from canon.

However, it just wasn't working, and Taylor's character didn't click anymore. So, I decided to scrap all that off-screen recovery and really delve into the depression, while working in some character conflict for everyone else as well. It will mean a few chapters of Taylor down in the dumps, while everyone has problems with it, but now everything that happens, especially the changes to canon, really help Taylor's progression through things. I also get to focus on some other characters, throw in some drama, and push some revelations forward.

If you were hoping for this fic to revive on a happier note, then sorry, things are going to get worse before they get better.

The events of RWBY: Grimm Eclipse, which are canon, technically happen soon. I'm still undecided on whether I'll delve into it. It won't be until after Chapter 26ish if anything anyway, so we have time.