After crisscrossing the country for a month, just to try to make sure she had lost anyone who might be suspicious, Hope found herself throwing up in a gas station bathroom.
After rinsing out her mouth, she braced herself on the sink. This was the third morning in a row she'd thrown up and it worried her. What the hell was wrong with her? She never threw up before, hell she'd never been sick before. So what the hell was happening to her?
"Early days of pregnancy suck, especially when you're traveling," a young woman with a little girl commented.
Hope stared at her, shocked.
"You didn't think of that, did you?" she asked, sympathetic.
"Um, no." Why would she think that? He'd told her that he couldn't father children.
"You threw up yesterday morning too. So I think it's possible." The woman gave an embarrassed laugh. "We've been on the same bus now for a while. Though you've been sleeping so much, you probably missed us."
Was it possible though? Ryan told her that he was sterile, but was he as sterile as he believed? The more she thought about it, the more likely it seemed. Hell, her own father hadn't believed it when he was told about her because he'd been sterile for a thousand years prior to Hope's existence.
"You running from the guy?"
"Running to him, more like. He's the first person who's been kind to me in years."
"Tell you what, I'm going to buy you a test and as soon as you can, you take it."
"You don't need to do that."
"No, but you need to know and you look spooked enough that you probably won't do it yourself and will keep denying it until you're pushing, if you are pregnant."
The woman left the room and Hope leaned against the sink, heart pounding.
She'd never been so terrified in her life. When she got herself into a dangerous situation, she always knew she could find a way to survive. But if she was pregnant? She'd be responsible for a whole other person who would depend on her for everything.
The woman returned a few minutes later and handed Hope the small box.
"If you can take it now, I'd say do it. Just so you know for sure either way."
With shaking hands, Hope headed to do as the woman suggested. She nearly dropped the stick several times because her hands were shaking so badly.
This couldn't be happening. Why was she even considering this a possibility. She was smart, careful, yet one night of carelessness and she's thinking she might be pregnant? It was probably food poisoning. It had to be. There was no way she could be pregnant after sleeping with one man who, to his own knowledge, was sterile.
After taking the test, Hope exited the stall and set the stick in the sink.
"Three minutes." The woman set a timer on her phone.
To keep from bugging the woman about the time she had left, Hope tried to think about anything else.
Was there a way she should have known before this that she might be pregnant? A pregnant woman couldn't turn, but she hadn't tried turning at all in the last month, so she didn't know if she could or not. If she'd tried before now, she might have already had her answer. She hadn't felt the urge to turn at all, which was odd since she hadn't gone that long without going wolf since she triggered the curse, but she hadn't thought about it until now.
If it was positive, how was she supposed to return to Ryan carrying a baby when he wouldn't even remember her, let alone that he'd slept with her?
When the timer went off, Hope jumped, startled. But instead of finding out for sure, Hope stared at the sink where the test lay just out of sight.
She couldn't do this. If she did, it would make one way or the other true and she wasn't sure what she wanted.
"You gotta look at it, hun," the woman encouraged her with a kindly smile.
"I know. I know. You're right."
Taking a deep breath, Hope picked up the narrow stick, then stared down at it in disbelief. She was pregnant.
"You okay?" the other woman asked, her face concerned.
"I'll be fine. This just complicates things a lot."
"If he's as good a man as you think he is, he won't turn you away for being pregnant, even if it's not his."
"I just want things with him to work out and this could mess everything up."
Going to Ryan alone would be fairly simple. But now?
Tears filled her eyes and she struggled to choke back a sob. She couldn't remember the last time she cried, and yet, here she was, crying because she was facing the consequences of having sex without protection.
"Damn it," she muttered, scrubbing her face. "Damn it. Damn it. Damn it."
She didn't know how to process what she was feeling. What was she feeling? Everything was just too much. Her mind and heart felt all twisted up and she didn't know which way was up and which way was down. Nothing made sense anymore.
"Do you want to keep it? You know you don't have to go through with it if you don't want to." The other woman seemed to take her confusion as her not wanting the baby, understandably.
Hope's hands moved to her stomach. Could she terminate the pregnancy?
Even before the thought finished, Hope knew that no, she wouldn't end it. She wanted to belong to a family and since she couldn't have her family as long as they couldn't remember her, she could start another one to take away the aching loneliness she endured since the day she was taken.
"I'm gonna keep it."
"Do what's best for you, okay?" The woman patted her hand gently in an effort to comfort her. "You get settled and get a doctor."
"Yeah. Thanks."
They called for the bus over the intercom and the woman and her daughter walked towards the door, with Hope trailing slowly behind.
As the bus headed down the road towards Idaho, Hope leaned her head against the window, her hand moving to her stomach where Ryan's baby grew.
She'd gotten pregnant from a one night stand, just like her mother, though, before she'd erased human memory of herself, there had been a chance for them. Now, there still might be a chance, but the odds had just gone up against her.
Please, please, soften him towards this baby and towards me. She wasn't sure if any god would hear her, but on the off chance that one might take pity on her, Hope decided that it couldn't hurt to try to pray.
Maybe reconnecting with Ryan wouldn't be so hard if the connection she'd felt to him truly went both ways and survived her spell, and maybe he wouldn't mind that she was pregnant.
Even if he wanted nothing to do with her, she would have this baby and she could go to New Orleans and set up a home for the two of them. With her abilities, she could make herself useful to the supernatural community there.
No. No. she wouldn't think like that. Unless Ryan sent her away, she wouldn't think about her contingency plan. If she went to him hopeful, he'd see that she wanted to be around him and that might help her case.
Her, Ryan, and the baby. They could be happy. Yes, it would be naive to assume that there would be absolutely no problems, but they could make it work.
As she allowed herself to dream about how things might be with Ryan, Hope let in more thoughts about her baby. Was it a boy or a girl? Would it have her blue eyes? Or Ryan's brown? Was its hair going to be dark or auburn? As she allowed herself to finally think about her baby, a soft smile played around her lips and her eyes welled with tears.
Goddamn, would she cry about everything? Hope rubbed her hand across her face.
The woman from the bathroom sat down next to her.
"You wanna talk about it?"
"I've been in a bad situation for most of my life and then when I get the chance for a good life, this happens and I'm scared."
"Are you sure you want to go through with this pregnancy?"
Hope bit her lip, then said, "This'll probably be the only chance he has to have children. Hell, this baby wasn't supposed to exist due to the probability of him fathering a baby at all and I want this baby even if he doesn't."
"Just so long as you're doing this for you. Because doing it for a man is the worst thing you can do to yourself and to the kid."
"I want this baby." Hope's throat swelled and she swallowed thickly.
"Good. You take care of yourself and that baby. If he doesn't want anything to do with you, kick his ass and then make a life without him."
"Is that what you're doing?" Hope glanced across the aisle at the little girl fast asleep in her chair.
"Yeah. Don't make the mistake I did." She stood up and crossed back over to where her daughter slept.
Hope allowed the woman's words to play through her mind, then compared her fear to Ryan's kind eyes. Ryan, the man who a woman who'd been through hell trusted more than anyone else, there was no way he could be anything like the man that this woman feared. Maybe he'd done things in his past that he was ashamed of, things that a human might be terrified of, but there was no way he'd hurt people he cared about.
When she switched buses late that night, a clean cut looking young man took a seat next to her. What was it about her that suggested she wanted company? She really didn't want to deal with anyone. After traveling as long as she had, she just wanted the journey to end, not to deal with people who looked like they thought they were owed the world.
"The bus isn't full." Hope gestured to half a dozen empty benches.
"Well, I didn't want to be bored, so I decided to sit next to the prettiest girl on here."
Hope rolled her eyes and leaned her head against the window. All she wanted to do was think about the life she could have with Ryan and their baby, not talk to some kid who looked like he was selling something or other.
"You're going to ignore me? I'm just looking for some conversation here and you're being rude."
"I'm not in the mood to talk, nor did I invite you to sit here."
"Hey, I'm a nice guy."
"And I'm pregnant, which puts me into a particularly foul mood when someone's bothering me."
"You're pregnant?" The guy stared at her in disgust, then down at her ring finger. "But you're not married."
"What puritanical rock did you crawl out from under?" Hope scoffed.
"You judge me for thinking children should be raised in a traditional home?"
"I judge you for thinking you have any business offering me your opinion on my life."
"Women like you are the reason that the family structure has failed."
"More like men like you treating women like property, even going so far as to treat a woman you don't even know like you have any business interfering in her life that have made women stand up and seek their own lives. Now, find another seat."
With a final sneer, the young man left Hope alone with her thoughts.
Once she was certain she'd be left alone, Hope leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes. In less than forty-eight hours she'd be within ten feet of Ryan and then, depending on his reaction to her, she'd make plans accordingly of how to make herself a part of his life, if he was willing.
