Chapter XCV
Martha
They had gotten the TARDIS back from the Angels, and if she had thought it was time for a bit of rest – even though they had spent some time waiting - the Doctor didn't lose much time. The moment they had opened the door he rushed over to the console, flipped some switches and the ship was moving.
"Cardiff," he said as she looked at him questioningly.
"Cardiff?" she asked.
"Cardiff in Wales? On Earth?" Mira added.
"Yes," he replied, hurrying around the console. "Ah, but the thing about Cardiff, it's built on a rift in time and space, just like California and the San Andreas Fault, but the rift bleeds energy. Every now and then I need to open up the engines, soak up the energy and use it as fuel."
"So it's a pit stop," she said and smiled at him.
"Exactly. Should only take twenty seconds. The rift's been active."
"Wait a minute," she said, remembering reports about some weird incidents there. "They had an earthquake in Cardiff a couple of years ago. Was that you?"
"Bit of trouble with the Slitheen," he replied. "A long time ago. Lifetimes. I was a different man back then. You actually met him."
So he was talking about the man they had met on Ayxelurius? The man he had claimed to be a previous version of himself?
"Wait, who's that?" Mira, who had been looking at the small screen, asked.
"Finito. All powered up," the Doctor said, ignoring her question.
He pressed a few buttons, and the TARDIS started to dematerialise – but only moments later something blew up in the console, sparks flying around.
"Whoa! What's that?" she yelled.
The TARDIS was moving and shaking violently, and they all were holding on to the console.
"We're accelerating into the future," he replied disbelievingly. "The year one billion. Five billion. Five trillion. Fifty trillion? What? The year one hundred trillion? That's impossible."
"Why? What happens then?" she yelled over the engine's noise.
"We're going to the end of the universe," he replied, and the disbelieving tone in his voice did not make her feel more secure.
"Well then try to break before we go beyond the end of the universe," Mira said, and it was actually the first time she heard something remotely like panic in the other woman's voice.
But then, suddenly, everything went quiet again.
"Well, we've landed," the Doctor said breathlessly.
"Where?" Mira asked.
"Yeah, what's out there?" she added as he didn't reply.
"I don't know," he said eventually.
"Say that again. That's rare," she said after exchanging a look with Mira.
"Not even the Time Lords came this far. We should leave. We should go. We should really, really go."
"Yeah, let's leave," Mira said to him, but he was already heading for the door, a big grin on his face. "What!? Wait!" Mira yelled.
But, of course, he didn't stop. She stuck her head through the door, and then followed him outside, Mira behind her.
It was dark, and around them only rocks. Almost some sort of quarry. Then she saw the motionless figure lying on the ground, not far away from the TARDIS.
"Oh my God!", she yelled and ran over to him, checking for vital signs. "Can't get a pulse. Hold on. You've got that medical kit thing."
She jumped up and ran back to the TARDIS. It took only a few seconds to take it from the console room, and she rushed out again.
"You know him?" she heard Mira say, but didn't think about it too much.
"Here we go. Get out of the way," she said and pushed past between the Doctor and Mira. "It's a bit odd, though. Not very hundred trillion. That coat's more like World War Two," she added as she had a further look at the man.
"I think he came with us," the Doctor said in a strange, toneless voice.
"How do you mean, from Earth?" she asked.
"Must have been clinging to the outside of the Tardis all the way through the vortex. Well, that's very him," the Doctor replied.
"Well, for that he looks pretty good actually," Mira said.
"What?! He's dead!" She replied.
"Yeah, but have you ever seen someone killed by the vacuum of space? Not exactly a pleasant sight," Mira replied.
"Vortex, not vacuum," the Doctor corrected her.
"What's the matter with you two?" she yelled at them. "So you do know him?" she added, remembering what Mira had said a moment ago.
"Friend of mine. Used to travel with me, back in the old days."
"But he's...," she said after listening with a stethoscope at his chest, "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat. There's nothing. He's dead."
Suddenly the man gasped and grabbed her, giving her the shock of her life, making her shriek.
"Oh, so much for me," she said, holding his shoulders. "It's all right. Just breathe deep. I've got you."
"Captain Jack Harkness," the man said, smiled at her and slightly touched her chin, – one of the nicest smiles she had seen for a while, especially for a dead man. "And who are you?"
"Martha Jones," she replied, blushing and smiling.
"Nice to meet you, Martha Jones"
"Oh, don't start," the Doctor said, still seemingly frozen to the spot.
"I was only saying hello," Jack protested.
"I don't mind," she hurried to say, helping Jack to stand up.
"Doctor," he said, facing him.
"Captain," the Doctor replied sternly.
"And who are you?" Jack continued, looking at Mira who was standing next to the Doctor, with the same bright smile on his face.
"Mira," she replied.
"Oh stop it!" the Doctor whined, but Mira ignored him completely.
"Actually, it's Major Mira Rhodan, Captain" she added.
"Oh, hello Major," Jack said with another irresistible smile, and saluted casually. Then he turned to the Doctor again, "Good to see you."
"And you," the Doctor replied. "Same as ever. Although, have you had work done?"
"You can talk," Jack said instead of answering his question.
"Oh yes, the face. Regeneration. How did you know this was me?"
"The police box kind of gives it away. I've been following you for a long time. You abandoned me."
"Did I? Busy life. Moving on."
"Just got to ask. The Battle of Canary Wharf. I saw the list of the dead. It said Rose Tyler."
"Oh, no! Sorry, she's alive."
"You're kidding."
"Parallel world, safe and sound. And Mickey, and her mother."
"Oh, yes!"
Then Jack went over to hug the Doctor.
What the hell was going on here, she asked herself. And what about Rose? Mira and the Doctor had spoken of her occasionally, she must have travelled with the Doctor before she had met him. She suddenly got the feeling she didn't really know the Doctor at all. She had been travelling with him, seen all these amazing things, but she didn't know him.
...
They had decided, now that they were here, to go and investigate a little. See what was going on on this peace of rock.
Jack had actually tried to start a conversation with Mira, but her replies had been short, if any. So he had resorted to telling her how he had met the Doctor – and lost him again.
"So there I was," Jack said, "stranded in the year two hundred one hundred, ankle deep in Dalek dust, and he goes off without me. But I had this." He showed some sort of bracelet. "I used to be a Time Agent. It's called a vortex manipulator. He's not the only one who can time travel."
"Oh, excuse me," the Doctor, walking a bit ahead of them, said indignantly. "That is not time travel. It's like, I've got a sports car and you've got a space hopper."
"What? You can time travel with this little thing? That's amazing!" Mira said, the first sentence with more than two words from her for quite a while.
"Amazing?" the Doctor yelled and turned around for a moment.
"Oh ho. Boys and their toys," she murmured.
"All right, so I bounced," Jack said. "I thought twenty-first century, the best place to find the Doctor, except that I got it a little wrong. Arrived in 1869, this thing burnt out, so it was useless."
"Told you," the Doctor commented dryly.
"I had to live through the entire twentieth century waiting for a version of you that would coincide with me," Jack continued.
"But that makes you more than one hundred years old," she said.
"And looking good, don't you think?" he said and smiled.
"So you're like Mira then?" she said before realising it. Oops.
"Why? What's Mira like?" Jack asked and looked over to Mira.
"Also a bit older than I look," Mira replied, hands stuffed in the pockets of her blue uniform jacket.
Did she sound a bit grumpy now?
"So I went to the time rift," Jack hurried to continue, "Based myself there because I knew you'd come back to refuel. Until finally I get a signal on this," he patted his backpack, "Detecting you and here we are."
"But the thing is, how come you left him behind, Doctor?" she asked, as this so didn't look like him.
"I was busy," he just replied.
"Is that what happens, though, seriously?" she asked. "Do you just get bored with us one day and disappear?"
"Not if you're blonde," Jack said.
"Blonde? Who was blonde?" she asked, looking back and forth between Mira and Jack, the nasty feeling of having missed something important, of having been left out gnawing at her.
"Rose. Rose was blonde," Mira said eventually.
"Though you missed out on some parts of the story, Jack," the Doctor added. "But seriously. We're at the end of the universe, all right? Right at the edge of knowledge itself and you're busy blogging! Come on."
"Busy blogging?" Mira repeated and stopped. "As you just said, we're at the end of the universe. Have you looked up? The sky is black. And for your information, not because it's a particularly cloudy night - God dammit, it's not even sure it's night at all - but because there just are no stars! The universe is as good as dead. There's not much left! That's why I try to keep myself busy blogging!"
The Doctor had stopped now as well, turned around and just stared at her.
"Whoa, let's not start a fight here, okay?" Jack tried to interfere.
"No-one's fighting," Mira said toneless and walked on again.
They followed her until they reached a cliff, where they all looked down. Some construction was down there, build into the very stone, but yet looking rather high tech and weirdly out of place.
"Is that a city?" she asked.
"A city or a hive, or a nest, or a conglomeration," the Doctor explained. "Like it was grown. But look, there," he pointed and she followed his finger with her eyes. "That's like pathways, roads? Must have been some sort of life, long ago."
"What killed it?" she asked quietly, realising for the first time how awfully quiet it was around them.
"Time. Just time," the Doctor replied sadly, looking at her with his huge dark eyes. "Everything's dying now. All the great civilizations have gone. Mira's right. This isn't just night. All the stars have burned up and faded away into nothing."
She shivered, even though it was not that cold. A sky without stars, without sun? How sad.
"They must have an atmospheric shell," Jack explained. "We should be frozen to death."
"Well, Mira, Martha and I, maybe. Not so sure about you, Jack."
Jack didn't reply, just shot the Doctor a look she could not interpret.
"What about the people? Does no one survive?" she asked.
"I suppose we have to hope life will find a way," the Doctor replied.
"Find a way?" Mira said. "Which way? How can anyone survive when the whole universe is dying? There is no way! If it's anything then the ultimate proof that everything's in vain in the end. No matter how hard we try, it will change nothing. There's no way around it. This will always be the outcome. It's just so far ahead for us that we trick ourselves into believing we can actually make a difference. But in the grand scheme of things...," she paused and shrugged, "Well."
They all stared at her in astonished silence. True, Mira could be a bit dark and pessimistic at times, but that had been a whole new level, even for her.
"Well, he's not doing too bad," Jack finally broke the silence, pointing down.
She followed his finger with her eyes. A man was running through the city, followed by a group of people. Indistinct shouting reached her ears. All in all it was pretty clear what was going on.
"Is it me, or does that look like a hunt? Come on!" the Doctor said and ran off.
Moments later they had reached the man who ran towards them, yelling, "They're coming! They're coming!"
Jack stopped him and pushed him behind them, then he pulled a revolver out underneath his coat and aimed at the group of people.
"Jack, don't you dare!" the Doctor said, and after they exchanged a quick look, Jack fired into the air.
It was enough to make the group stop.
"What the hell are they?" she wanted to know.
"Not friendly, that's for sure," Mira replied, who had picked up some fist-sized stones, obviously to throw them at the group of people should they advance again.
"There's more of them. We've got to keep going," the man said, panic in his voice.
"I've got a ship nearby. It's safe. It's not far, it's over there," the Doctor said, pointing in the direction they had come from. But there were more of their enemies. "Or maybe not."
"We're close to the Silo. If we get to the Silo, then we're safe," the man said and looked at them.
"Silo?" the Doctor asked.
"Definitely Silo," Mira confirmed.
"Silo," Jack nodded.
"Silo for me," she said and off they ran.
Mira
They had gotten into the Silo – but only after showing their teeth. She had no idea who those people were who had hunted them – Futurekind? They might have well been human once. Not that this did matter anything right now. Not that anything mattered much now – at least not to her. There was not much more than indifference filling her mind, a heavy, leaden indifference, slowly turning into something darker, emptier, just as the black sky was. She didn't even care much about Jack right now – had she tried to distract herself from her environment not too long ago by bantering with him and Martha, she now didn't even feel like fighting this weird mood she was in.
So this was the end then? Some refugee camp, a giant rocket, and for what? Sure, the universe would not end tomorrow, not even in a hundred years from now on, but in relation to the universe, the end was merely the blink of an eye away. So why bother?
She watched how the Doctor explained to someone what the TARDIS looked like whilst Martha asked some child which obviously was busy with organisational tasks how old it was – too young to work, but then again, this was a refugee camp, at least so it seemed, and not in any way different from any other refugee camp she had seen before. Smelly, and yes, everyone had to help out, even children, as hard as it might seem.
"It's like a refugee camp," Martha had finally realised it herself after they had been walking through the corridors for a while.
"Stinking," Jack added. "Oh, sorry. No offence. Not you," he hurried to say and smiled at a man they had passed.
"Don't you see that?" the Doctor said enthusiastically, "The ripe old smell of humans. You survived. Oh, you might have spent a million years evolving into clouds of gas, and another million as downloads, but you always revert to the same basic shape. The fundamental humans."
She just silently shook her head.
"End of the universe and here you are. Indomitable! That's the word. Indomitable! Ha!", he continued, nudging her and grinning.
"Great. And what for?" she murmured, but no one listened to her.
All attention was on the guy who had led them here and obviously had found his mother again.
"It's not all bad news," Martha said.
She only half listened to her, as Jack was just shaking the hand of a young man, saying, "Captain Jack Harkness. And who are you?"
"Stop it," the Doctor, who was trying his Sonic Screwdriver on a door, told him. "Give us a hand with this. It's half deadlocked. I need you to overwrite the code. Let's find out where we are."
She watched as Jack and the Doctor opened the door, and then her heart almost stopped. The door led into nothingness, and Jack just grabbed the Doctor before he fell down.
"Gotcha," Jack said.
"Thanks."
"How did you cope without me?"
"Now that is what I call a rocket," Martha said.
She peered down as well, and indeed. A huge thing, and ugly as the sky was black. She honestly doubted that this thing would ever lift off. At least as long as they didn't have some really advanced engines. But she doubted they had anti-gravitational aggregates or even an impulse engine.
"They're not refugees, they're passengers," the Doctor said quietly.
"Same difference," she replied.
"He said they were going to Utopia," Martha said.
Utopia? Who had said something about Utopia? She really should listen better, she thought to herself.
"The perfect place. Hundred trillion years, it's the same old dream. You recognise those engines Mira?" the Doctor asked.
"No. Not that I can see much of them anyway," she said.
"Jack?"
"Nope. Whatever it is, it's not rocket science. But it's hot, though," Jack replied.
"Boiling," the Doctor said after they had shut the door again. "But if the universe is falling apart, what does Utopia mean?"
Before anyone could answer, an old man arrived, dressed in a whit shirt with wide sleeves and a waistcoat – he and his clothes looked weirdly out of place here.
"The Doctor?" he asked, looking at them.
"That's me!"
"Good! Good! Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good. Good," he said repeatedly whilst dragging the Doctor away.
"It's good apparently," the Doctor said, looking back at them.
Jack
He was walking behind Mira, deeply in thoughts. It was a shame that her long jacket didn't reveal that much of her certainly rather nicely looking backside. Not that he had any intentions to pitch someone else's girlfriend – or boyfriend for that matter, he added with a sad look at the Doctor's new body. But she was actually a beautiful woman, not just pretty or nice looking, and he could think of no reason not to look at her. A bit distant and cool in her looks maybe - with her grey eyes, the fair complexion and that slightly detached look in her eyes – even though he doubted she always had that negative look on her face. Maybe she had just gotten up on the wrong side of the bed today. He did not make the mistake though to confuse this slightly annoyed look with the air of... - yes, air of what exactly? - that was surrounding her.
Martha had pointed out that Mira was older than she looked like, which he didn't doubt – and certainly more than just the five or then years some women looked younger than they were - and if it was for him, he wasn't even sure she was human.
For a moment he had thought she was a time agent, but he had discarded that thought almost immediately. The jacket she was wearing looked suspiciously like a uniform, and he had never seen anything like it before – same went for the slightly harsh and yet not unpleasant accent in her English. She might have almost passed as a native speaker, her pronunciation quite close to RP or Oxford English, but not really like anything actually and widely spoken in the UK at, let's say, Rose's time. So no chance at telling which region in the UK she was from – if she was from there at all. Well, she might even have studied at Oxford after all, but he doubted that. Then again, if coming from the future, and as accents tend to change and disappear rather quickly, she would have sounded differently. And Major? Major of what? She certainly didn't look like the marine type of woman – as long as it wasn't some sort of space-marines at least.
Well, there was one thing he was certain of after all: He had never seen the Doctor look at someone like he was looking at her now. Not even at Rose. Maybe close, but not just like he did now. Well, on the other hand, he did not know him for such a long time and he had regenerated, but there definitely was something going on between him and Mira. He had grown older as well, and he had changed as well – and they couldn't fool him.
Finally, they reached the laboratory the old man who called himself Yana had been rambling about whilst dragging the Doctor along. It was quite a mess, and yet it seemed to have some sort of order – which probably only Professor Yana himself could see.
There was another person there though – alien, female, and quite blue, introducing herself to Martha as Chantho.
"Captain Jack Harkness," he introduced himself and smiled at Chantho.
"Stop it!" the Doctor, who was chatting away with Yana about some of the stuff in here, said immediately.
"Can't I say hello to anyone?" he protested.
"Chan I do not protest tho," she said shyly.
"Maybe later, Blue," he replied and blinked at her. "So, what have we got here?" he said and stepped further into the laboratory.
"And all this feeds into the rocket?" said the Doctor.
Yana had explained some things to the Doctor meanwhile, but he had not quite understood what he had been talking about.
"Yeah, except without a stable footprint, you see, we're unable to achieve escape velocity," Yana replied. "If only we could harmonise the five impact patterns and unify them, well, we might yet make it. What do you think, Doctor? Any ideas?"
"Well, er, basically," the Doctor said, all eyes on him now. "Sort of, not a clue."
"Nothing?" Yana asked in a voice making him instantly feel sorry for the old man.
"I'm not from around these parts. I've never seen a system like it. Sorry," the Doctor replied.
Why did he do that? He had no doubts the Doctor had figured it out by now. Or was this technology so far from his own time that he really had no idea?
"No, no. I'm sorry. It's my fault," Yana said. "There's been so little help."
For a moment they all stood in silence, their eyes wandering around the laboratory, until Martha yelled, "Oh, my God. You've got a hand?" She had went to a small sitting area and pulled the jar with the Doctor's hand out of his backpack. "A hand in a jar. A hand in a jar in your bag."
"But that, that," the Doctor said with a frown, "That's my hand."
"I said I had a Doctor detector," he explained and shrugged.
"Chan is this a tradition amongst your people tho?" Chantho asked Martha.
Mira however just looked indifferently at the jar, then at the Doctor, slightly lifting one eyebrow.
"Not on my street," Martha replied. "What do you mean, that's your hand? You've got both your hands, I can see them."
"Long story. I lost my hand Christmas Day, in a sword-fight," the Doctor said, sitting down in the small sitting area where Martha had placed the jar on a table.
"What? And you grew another hand?" Martha asked disbelievingly.
"Er, yeah, yeah, I did Yeah. Hello."
"Might I ask, what species are you?" Yana asked.
"Time Lord, last of," he replied, somehow gravely. "Heard of them? Legend or anything?" He stopped, but Chantho and Yana only shook their heads. "Not even a myth? Blimey, end of the universe is a bit humbling."
"Chan it is said that I am the last of my species too tho."
"Sorry, what was your name?" the Doctor asked, as if he hadn't noticed her yet.
"My assistant and good friend, Chantho" Yana replied in her stead. "A survivor of the Malmooth. This was their planet, Malcassairo, before we took refuge."
"The city outside, that was yours?" the Doctor asked.
"Chan the conglomeration died tho."
"Conglomeration," the Doctor yelled and smiled. "That's what I said!"
Well, his face might have changed, but he was definitely still the old Doctor. Not always quite aware of conventions and of what to say.
"You're supposed to say sorry," he said to him.
"Oh, yes," the Doctor said, and managed to sound seriously. "Sorry."
"Chan most grateful tho."
"You grew another hand?"
He looked at Martha, who was still staring at the Doctor in disbelief. Well, she was quite young, and not travelling with him for too long – at least that was what he assumed – and somehow he found her quite refreshing.
"Hello, again," the Doctor replied and extended his hand. "It's fine. Look, really, it's me."
She took it and said, "All this time and you're still full of surprises."
He just grinned at her.
"Chan you are most unusual tho."
"So what about those things outside?" he asked. As much as he enjoyed the conversation, they had to get back to topic. "The Beastie Boys. What are they?"
"We call them the Futurekind, which is a myth in itself, but it's feared they are what we will become, unless we reach Utopia," Yana replied.
There it was again. Utopia.
"And Utopia is?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh, every human knows of Utopia. Where have you been?"
"Bit of a hermit."
"A hermit with friends?" Yana asked.
"Hermits United," the Doctor replied. "We meet up every ten years and swap stories about caves. It's good fun, for a hermit. So, er, Utopia?"
Yana walked over to a display, indicating that they should follow him. It seemed to be a map, even though he wasn't quite sure what it was showing. Well, apart from the universe, of course. But there were lines, indicating force fields or something like that. And, most of all, there were no stars.
"The call came from across the stars, over and over again," Yana said as if talking to himself. "Come to Utopia. Originating from that point." He pointed at the map.
"Where is that?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh, it's far beyond the Condensate Wilderness, out towards the Wildlands and the Dark Matter Reefs, calling us in," Yana said. "The last of the humans scattered across the night."
"What do you think's out there?" the Doctor asked.
"We can't know," Yana replied. "A colony, a city, some sort of haven? The Science Foundation created the Utopia Project thousands of years ago to preserve mankind, to find a way of surviving beyond the collapse of reality itself."
"A way to escape the collapse of reality?" Mira said disbelievingly. "Seriously? There's someone calling you, because they found... what? A way to escape a dying universe? And they try to lure you there with the promise of Utopia?" She stopped as if it was absolutely clear what was written all over it and she was only waiting for someone to say it. But no one said a word. "Did it ever cross your mind that that might be a trap?" she finally continued, slightly annoyed. "And that you might have become a bit overly trustful in your old days? Doctor, you said it, the universe is falling apart, so there's no such thing as Utopia."
"Excuse me, young lady, but what would you know about these things?" Yana replied indignantly. "Now perhaps they found it. Perhaps not. But it's worth a look, don't you think?" he added, clearly addressing the Doctor now.
"It's a trap," Mira murmured, but no-one seemed to mind it.
She had a point there, he had to admit, even though it hadn't been the most diplomatic way to say it. But they were working towards it for so long now, he doubted that anything would stop them. Apart from that, Yana knew a lot more background story than they, including Mira, did.
"Oh, yes, it definitely is worth a look," the Doctor replied. "And the signal keeps modulating, so it's not automatic. That's a good sign someone's out there. And that's, oh, that's a navigation matrix. So you can fly without stars to guide you. Professor? Professor? Professor."
Something was wrong with Yana, that was clear to see with him staring absent mindedly into space, and he doubted he had even heard the Doctor's last words.
"I, er, ahem, right, that's enough talk," Yana said, seemingly shaking off what had been coming over him. "There's work to do. Now if you could leave, thank you."
"You all right?" the Doctor asked.
"Yes, I'm fine. And busy."
"Except that rocket's not going to fly, is it? This footprint mechanism thing, it's not working," the Doctor said.
"We'll find a way."
The old man was stubborn, he had to give him that.
"You're stuck on this planet," the Doctor replied. "And you haven't told them, have you? That lot out there, they still think they're going to fly."
"Well, it's better to let them live in hope."
He saw Mira shaking her head and looking as if she had more things to say to demotivate every single one in here, so he nudged her before she could do so. Well, he could still see her point, though spreading negativity like she did was uncalled for now, and no one would listen to her like this.
It was clear to see from the look she gave him in return that she wasn't amused at all – in fact he felt almost like a schoolboy again, hitting someone he wasn't supposed to hit. Just how old exactly was she?
"Quite right, too," the Doctor said, "And I must say, Professor er, what was it?"
"Yana."
"Professor Yana. This new science is well beyond me, but all the same, a boost reversal circuit, in any time frame, must be a circuit which reverses the boost. So, I wonder, what would happen if I did this?" he grabbed the end of a cable, hold his Sonic Screwdriver against it and pulled and the machines around them powered up.
"Chan it's working tho!"
"But how did you do that?
"Oh, we've been chatting away, I forgot to tell you. I'm brilliant!" the Doctor said with a wide smile.
Doctor
Everyone had sprung into action and the whole camp seemed like pure chaos, with the laboratory the headquarters of it; but even though it didn't seem like, there was a system to it – at least to some extend. After he had been working in the laboratory together with Professor Yana for a while Jack came to him, tapped him on the shoulder and said, "Looks like one of your companions is missing."
He looked around, but he could see neither Mira nor Martha.
"The pale one," Jack continued. "Not sure if she's always in such a pessimistic mood, but if not, you should really look after her. She went out there to the observation platform a while ago. Just one thing, and don't get me wrong, she really could be a bit more diplomatic, but she has a point. It could actually be a trap."
"There's only one way to find out, isn't there?" he replied absent mindedly, before he fully realised what Jack had just said. Of course it had crossed his mind, but those humans were determined to go there anyway. Did they really have a choice? And no, Mira certainly wasn't like this normally. But he had thought she was somewhere else, helping to get this rocket fly. He felt suddenly slightly alarmed.
"Excuse me for a moment, Professor," he said to Yana, and left the laboratory through the door Jack had pointed at.
He found her outside, leaning against the handrail and staring into the black sky, not even turning around though she must have heard his steps behind her.
"You're alright?" he asked and stepped over next to her, his hands on the handrail as well, looking at her profile.
"I'm fine," she said without turning her head. "Are you not needed inside? They want to reach Utopia before they're all old and grey, don't they?"
"Thought you might come back in and help as well?"
"What for?" she said and looked at him. "Do you really believe in this Utopia? And even if it exists, there is no way out. The universe is dying, and they'll all go down with it. They'd need a void ship to get out, and I somehow doubt there's on in Utopia."
"Well," he said, trying to sound light-heartedly, "Someone will go down with it, but definitely not them. It's not going to happen tomorrow, you know."
She shrugged and shook her head. "It still doesn't matter," she said. "It doesn't matter if it ends now or in a few more millennia. And neither does it matter if it's this or my universe. It will always end the same, everywhere."
"Really? That's not how you see life, is it? I know you better," he said, genuinely shocked.
"You think so?" she said, and there was not even a hint of sarcasm in her voice. She was dead serious. "Well, sorry to disappoint you then. I guess I just never realised it until now. All the time and effort, all the pain, the losses, the tragedies, it just doesn't matter. Even worse, it's all in vain because it just doesn't change a thing. The universe will die, all of it, everything that has ever been, and no matter how hard we've tried to make a change, tried to leave something behind - there will be a point when it all just doesn't matter. Nothing and none of us, negating all that was ever done. It will all be gone, leaving nothing behind. Maybe it starts again – but to what end? I only hope I don't live to actually see that moment. At least not again. I-"
"Mira, stop it, please, stop it!" he said, and as she looked at him he saw tears glistening in her eyes.
He knew she had a dark side to her and that she could be rather melancholic at times, but if there was one thing he had always admired was her seemingly unbreakable ability to not give up, to not lose hope. She had not lost hope back on Kroptor, and then he had seen it in her mind. He also knew how much she was struggling here, but she then again, no matter if she was struggling, fighting, or even lost in utter despair, all was better than completely giving up.
Oh, he should have known. It was all his fault.
She averted her gaze, tried to turn her back to him, but he had grabbed her hands before she could do so. "Look at me," he said, but her eyes were cast down. "That's not you talking here. That's- It's- The universe around you. You can feel it, as you always do, and I should have thought about it and- I'm so, so sorry. I should have left. Mira, please, you have to trust me, we leave as fast as we can, and then everything will be alright again, I promise."
"You know, I've thought about that myself," she replied and looked up, her eyes so dead and bare of any hope that he had to suppress a shiver. "But I'm not so certain about it. Maybe I was just too blind to see it."
He lifted her hands and kissed them before he pulled her in his arms, absolutely lost for words. He was almost certain she was feeling like she did because she was influenced by the universe itself, but right now there was nothing he could say or do to help her.
Then he turned his head as someone cleared her throat. Martha was standing in the doorway and staring at them.
"They need you inside," she said, walked back in and closed the door behind her without looking at him once more.
OneWhoReadsToMuch, E-man-dy-S, bored411: Thanks for reviewing :-)
VileG: No bother, when it's constructive critic it is always welcome, and as said, I really thought about it. Thanks for all the ideas, some of them I was considering myself a whila ago, like the thing with the watch. We'll see. By the way, feel free to ping me with a pm if you want to – we don't want to many spoilers here, do we? ;-)
