The Soul of Severus Snape
It was well after curfew at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Any sensible student that did not wish to mess with the bitter caretaker Filch was fast asleep in the dormitories, and even the portraits decided to quit their gossiping in favour of a few hours of sleep.
The staff room at first sight appeared to be completely deserted, and the little light the stars provided gave the dark room an ominous glow. However, at a second glance, the dark figure of a wizard was seen hunched over by the window. Even from a distance, anyone who had attended that school long enough could recognise the black garb, sharp profile and curtains of black hair that was clearly Severus Snape's.
Severus' face betrayed no emotion, years of lying to himself as well as others making him well-trained in the art. However, his slightly shaking hands, as well as his dark eyes restlessly flitting about, gave away his distress.
The door slowly creaked open, making Severus wince as the sound pierced his eardrums. The figure of the very man he was trying to avoid entered the room, hobbling a little. Severus focused his eyes resolutely on the night sky ahead, as if doing so could make the man disappear, along with the task that had practically been forced on him.
Albus Dumbledore did not even notice his newest Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's presence, and instead paced around the room, humming merrily under his breath. Severus vaguely recognised the tune; it was the one known as Chopsticks, the one that every Muggle student learning the piano learned to play first. He himself had been rather fond of playing the piano in his youth, if only he had been able to afford lessons. Or at least a better place to practise than the old street piano by the bar where his Muggle father used to drink the family's savings away.
Despite himself, Severus turned his head slightly to look at the Headmaster. Aside from the mangled black⦠thing that was left of his hand, Dumbledore looked as well as ever, the bright blue eyes twinkling behind his half-moon spectacles as though he held some vital secret he enjoyed hiding from everyone else. Which, now that Severus thought of it, was probably the case.
Finally, the old coot turned in his direction. "Something troubling you, Severus?" he asked nonchalantly. "I would offer you a lemon drop, but experience has taught me that the day you accept one of my candies will be the day the Chudley Cannons win the World Cup."
Severus rolled his eyes, though whether it was at the Quidditch reference or at Dumbledore's feigned ignorance, it was hard to say. "You know perfectly well what has been troubling me, Headmaster," he muttered bitterly.
"You know you cannot spend your life sitting in this lonely old staffroom feeling sorry for yourself, Severus."
"Well that's easy for you to say," Severus couldn't help himself. "You haven't any idea - you merely - how could you do this to me, to your own school?"
Dumbledore chuckled at that, sounding amused. "Oh Severus. I know as well as you do you wouldn't let the whole school fall apart under your term as Headmaster."
Severus' lips were by now a thin line across his face as he turned to glare at his boss. "What about the boy? He idolises you. I daresay he's got as much respect for you as he can for anybody over the age of seventeen who isn't cursed with the name Sirius Black." His lip curled at the mention of the name.
"Harry," Dumbledore said with a delicate stress on his name as a way of subtly admonishing Severus, "will be fine. And why the sudden concern for him, anyway?"
Severus shrugged, searching through his brain for an excuse. "When one has spent six years constantly attempting to keep the same troublesome student out of the trouble he insists on getting into, one cannot help but not want their hard work to go to waste."
"You keep telling yourself that, Severus."
Not wanting to argue the point any further, the younger man remained silent.
"You might want to have your wand with you when you go to bed tomorrow night," Dumbledore said, gesturing to where Severus' acacia wand lay abandoned on the window sill after he'd tired of absentmindedly running his fingers over it.
"I'm supposed to get up in the middle of the night to kill you tomorrow, yet you still refuse to tell me where it is you're going?"
"I hardly think my nightly walks are any concern of yours," the older man said sternly.
Looking into Severus' eyes, Dumbledore's tone softened. "I'm truly sorry, Severus. It's for the greater good, you know."
"The greater good?" Severus repeated angrily. "The greater good! I've spent years risking my life for this so-called greater good, and so far nothing great, or good for that matter, has come out of it for anybody!"
"I know you're upset, Severus -"
"Don't patronise me, I know full well what you are doing!"
"Will you kindly stop interrupting me and let me explain?" For the first time, Dumbledore sounded slightly irritated.
"As I was saying, I understand that you are upset. However, I will not have left you forever - my portrait will be in my office, which is soon to be your office, if I am not mistaken."
"Great. Not only will I have to put up with the whinging of Phineas Nigellus Black, but I will also be forced to endure your blabbering about the weather every five minutes, while trying to keep an eye on a boy who seems to have nothing better to do than get himself in trouble. What fun."
Dumbledore smiled at Severus' sarcasm. "My portrait will give you some - guidance, for want of a better word - on how to destroy the reign of Lord Voldemort once and for all. Surely you don't fear the name of your former master, Severus?" he added as the latter visibly tensed up at the mention of Voldemort.
"No," he said, knowing that Dumbledore said his name on purpose, as a way of reminding him it was his own fault he was in this mess in the first place.
"Good. Now I don't want any more arguments about this, Severus. My decision is final."
"Yes, Headmaster."
Dumbledore then did something odd - he walked over to Severus and sat down so they were eye-to-eye. "I have wronged you many times in the past," he admitted.
"You won't hear any arguments from me on that statement," came the muttered reply.
"I'm sorry."
Severus was so surprised by those two words that he had to fight the urge to pinch himself to ensure he wasn't dreaming.
"I have lived a long and fulfilled life, Severus," Dumbledore continued. "I have had plenty of time to reflect on the decisions I made. The good and the bad." A sadness filled Dumbledore's eyes, and Severus knew he was thinking about Grindelwald.
"I knew the moment I saw you that you had great talent. When you were Sorted into Slytherin, I saw another Tom Riddle coming to Hogwarts, a potential threat to be kept a close eye on. When word reached me that you were already inventing spells at the age of fifteen, of a questionable nature if I may say, I admit the thought of potentially facing another Dark Lord terrified me. I allowed the bias that stemmed from meeting Tom to colour my judgement, and for that I am sorry."
Severus was silent for a long time, trying to process what the older man had said. Finally, he said, "That doesn't excuse how you've manipulated me for most of my adult life."
"No, it doesn't," Dumbledore agreed. "However, the fact that you were able to see through me and still continued to spy for me, despite the fact that there was nothing stopping you from returning to your master showed that you were a far better person that I originally thought. When we met, I thought you were a selfish man, willing to let others die as long as you could get the girl. However, when after she died you continued to put yourself in danger to give the Order invaluable information, you showed that I had been completely wrong about you all along. You are a good man, Severus."
The former Potions Master remained silent, unsure how to react to this confession. Never had he imagined Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore would admit to being wrong, especially when it came to his obvious bias against Slytherin.
"In any case," Dumbledore continued, "I have lived for far too long. I daresay that when you were a student, you would have wholeheartedly agreed with that statement."
Severus couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle. "I believe you might be correct on that one, Headmaster."
Albus smiled. "I know you will do an excellent job in my place," he said, getting up. "But right now it is time for us to go to bed. I have no desire to spend my last day exhausted from lack of sleep. Good night, Severus."
With that, he was gone, leaving Severus alone with his thoughts again. As much as Dumbledore annoyed him, at the same time he felt he could relate to the old man. Both of them had done horrible things in the past, and they were now trying to atone of their mistakes. Both of them had experienced the pain of losing a loved one. The difference was that one became a hero afterwards, while the other had to face the hatred and suspicion of countless Order members and Death Eaters alike. Severus wasn't sure how he felt about that sudden realization.
When Severus heard from McGonagall that Dumbledore had left the school the following afternoon, he felt his stomach churn with a horrible mixture of sadness and fear. He swallowed, trying to once again force his feelings to the back of his mind.
"Are you quite alright?" McGonagall asked him, noticing how her colleague had suddenly gone white as a sheet, and how he'd grabbed the edge of the table as if he were trying to strangle it.
"Yes," he said, resuming his composure. "I'm fine."
That fateful night, Severus ascended the long staircase to the Astronomy Tower, where Dumbledore was. As he all too soon reached the top, he pushed the door open just far enough to peer inside. Quickly casting a Disillusionment charm on himself, he saw Dumbledore, the mighty Headmaster, on top of the Tower. Although he showed no sign of injury or illness, Severus could see from how pale he was that he was greatly weakened somehow. Whatever he had done had greatly sapped him of his defences.
Draco Malfoy was standing in front of him, wand raised threateningly. Severus knew in that instant that his former friend's son could never carry out the deed that he'd been forced to do by the Dark Lord. Finally, Draco admitted that he had to kill Albus, or Voldemort would kill him and his whole family. Although Severus normally didn't put much stock into the whining of teenagers, he couldn't help but feel bad for Draco. The only reason why the Dark Lord was doing this was because he was furious over Lucius' incarceration. He heard Dumbledore offer him his protection, which Draco refused. However, the latter began to lower his wand.
Death Eaters poured into the room, including that horrible creature Fenrir Greyback. Although most Death Eaters Severus knew were horrible people, none, not even Bellatrix Lestrange, scared him quite as much as the werewolf. He had always been afraid of werewolves, thanks to a certain incident involving Remus Lupin and a 'prank' gone wrong. On top of that, even for werewolf standards Greyback was deranged. He had heard rumours that Greyback deliberately positioned himself near kids when the full moon was approaching so he'd be able to attack them. Whatever it was, something about the half-man half-beast made his insides curl in horror.
The sounds of fighting began coming closer, and Severus hoped that the Order might be able to stop the Death Eaters before everything got out of hand. All the Death Eaters began clamouring for a terrified-looking Draco to kill Dumbledore as the voices of several Gryffindor students as well as Order members reached his ears. The young boy was ghostly white and looked as though he was on the verge of tears. He had to act now.
Severus opened the door and stepped into the view of the room.
"We've got a problem, Severus," came the sharp voice of Amycus Carrow. A more despicable woman aside from Bellatrix Lestrange Severus had never met. "The boy doesn't seem able -"
However, Severus wasn't paying her any attention. His attention was fixed on Dumbledore. He was significantly paler than before, and his breath was coming out in gasps. "Severus," the man rasped. "Severus, please." Even without Legilimency, he knew that Dumbledore was asking, no, begging, to be put out of his misery.
I can't do it! A voice shouted in his head as he roughly shoved Draco aside.
He stared into Dumbledore's pleading eyes. Slowly, in his mind they began to morph into catlike red slits - those of his other 'master'. The face of Voldemort began to materialize in front of him - the hairless scalp, the cruel mouth, the face that smirked as people were tortured and killed. The face that stared into the eyes of Lily as she begged for him to spare her child's life and laughed mockingly as he callously murdered her.
Severus felt hatred boil in his gut so intensely his wand hand began to shake. He never knew he could hate someone more than James Potter other than himself, until he saw Voldemort for who he truly was. He wanted the evil overlord dead more than anything - not just to avenge Lily's death, but also to compensate for the hand he'd had in some of the horrible things Voldemort had done.
"Avada Kedavra." He shocked himself at the venomous snarl that escaped his throat. For a split second, he thought the curse hadn't worked. Then, in slow motion, he watched as the jet of green light hit the only person who'd ever understood him in the chest, helpless to do anything as Dumbledore plummeted backwards to the ground.
