Last Chapter: Hiei continued to be angry with Botan for defeating the Lure, which Yusuke, Kuwabara and even Kurama told her was because he has feelings for her. Thrown by this revelation, Botan consulted Shizuru for some advice, which, whilst sound, did not give Botan the peace of mind she had sought.


Chapter 4: Little Sad Boy

Going to Demon World had seemed like a good idea, at some point. After all, Koenma had said that Botan's new role was as a sort of honorary member of the Border Patrol, and so she would need to acquaint himself with their operations at some point. That was why she was in Demon World, Botan told herself. It was logical, it was sensible, and it was all about work. She had travelled there – of her own volition, because she wanted to show initiative in her new role – to find a patrol vehicle and flag it down, to ask if she could join them for a spell, to see what they did on a day-to-day basis. She knew Hiei was not the only member of the guard, and so she had set out telling herself she may not even encounter him on her visit.

But, she reasoned, none of that justified what had happened since her arrival in Demon World. She had arrived, she had flown around until she had found a patrol vehicle, and then instead of approaching it, she had flown around a bit more until she found Hiei.

Botan swallowed and drew in a deep breath – something she thought was probably ill-advised in Demon World, and yet was not as unpleasant an experience as she had expected it to be – and she started towards Hiei. He was alone and he appeared to be doing something that required a lot of effort, but involved very little movement. He was shirtless and on one knee, his head downturned and his body almost curled around on itself. He took longer than Botan thought he would to detect her approach, which he responded to abruptly, breaking his form and standing up.

"Hello Hiei," she greeted him.

"You shouldn't be here," he gruffly replied.

He was sweating and looked irritated and tired.

"I just wanted to meet with the Border Patrol here," she explained. "Since I'll be working closely with them in my new role."

"I didn't think you would accept Koenma's offer," Hiei returned. "Do you have any idea what you have agreed to?"

"I think I understand most of it. And anything that I don't understand, I can just…"

Hiei, who had been moving towards her, stopped a few feet in front of her, his eyes looking off to one side in the way he usually did when talking to her.

"Just what?" he asked, keeping his gaze diverted from her.

"Learn," she replied.

"I hope you don't expect me to teach you," he grumbled.

"Well, I had hoped that, since we are friends, that you would teach me, yes!"

Hiei twitched but otherwise did not respond.

"I can do this, Hiei," Botan insisted.

"I never said you couldn't."

Botan was so taken aback by Hiei's answer, she was stunned into silence. After a long, silent, moment, Hiei moved his eyes to hers – albeit briefly – before finally breaking the silence.

"But you shouldn't," he said.

"But I want to," she replied.

"You are so strong-willed."

Hiei turned away from Botan, who tilted her head upon hearing him call her the same name Kurama had.

"Well," she began, remembering under which context Kurama had called her that name. "So are you."

Hiei turned his head and shot her a harsh glare over his shoulder.

"Maybe that's something we have in common," she added weakly.

"It will take a lot more than strong will to do this job," he growled, turning his head away again. "You have no idea what happens on the patrol – every day there is something."

"Well, I sort of thought that you and I would be working side-by-side–"

"Who told you that?"

Hiei spun around to face Botan so quickly she blinked and missed the movement, her brain taking a moment to register that she was no longer looking at the back of his head.

"Well, Lord Koemna said that I would have to liaise extensively with the Border Patrol," she said. "And he said that King Enma was going to meet with Mukuro, after the Lure managing to get into the human world, and that I should go with them to that meeting, and…"

Botan trailed off, as she remembered exactly what Koenma had said to her.

"And what?" Hiei pressed.

"And…" she began weakly. "And he said he would sort out the details of my new role then."

"So nobody told you you would be working closely with me?"

"No."

"And nobody told you to come here now, to search me out like this?"

"…No."

Hiei nodded, looking down at his feet at a moment before lifting his head again, his eyes off to one side as they so often were, his taut chest rising as he drew in a breath.

"Then why did you?" he asked.

"Wh-why did I what?" Botan asked.

"Why did you come here now?" he replied. "Why did you search me out like this?"

"I… I guess I just forgot what Lord Koenma said to me about that meeting tomorrow."

"You just forgot?"

"Yes."

"Nothing else?"

"No."

"No other reason why you are here?"

"No… Ought there to be?"

Hiei slowly turned away from Botan, and she noticed his shoulders moving as he breathed, as though he was suddenly finding it harder to breathe for some reason.

"No," he said quietly. "There could not be any possible reason."

Fleetingly, a wild idea flashed across Botan's mind. Like a strike of lightning, it stunned her, her mind going blank, her physical being freezing momentarily. After her initial shock had passed, the idea crept back in, in pieces, spreading and growing, until it consumed every part of her mind, her heart and even her soul.

Did Hiei just try to ask her if she had come to see him socially?

Was what the boys had told her true: did Hiei actually have feelings for her?

Botan opened her mouth and reached out a hand towards Hiei, but as though he could see her gesture despite having his back turned to her he shirked away from her outstretched hand, taking a few steps forwards, increasing the distance between them.

"You should-you should go," he grumbled.

"Is that what you want?" Botan asked, surprising herself with her own gall, asking a question she thought really ought to remain unspoken in that moment.

Hiei's head lifted slightly and, for a moment, his shoulders stopped moving, as though he had stopped breathing.

"It's not safe for you to be here," he recovered after a moment, his shoulders starting to move with his breathing again.

"R-right," Botan agreed, nodding her head despite him not being able to see her gesture. "But I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

Hiei's head turned sharply again, and he looked back over his shoulder at her with an expression she almost thought looked hopeful.

"A-at the meeting?" she added. "With Mukuro? And King Enma?"

Hiei sighed, his shoulders sinking and his chin lowering, the uncharacteristic look fading from his face.

"Sure," he grunted, turning his head away.

Again Botan nodded, not even considering that he could not see her reaction. She summoned her oar, held up a hand and muttered out an awkward goodbye before taking herself out of Demon World again as swiftly and smoothly as she possibly could. She quickly made her way out of Demon World, but, rather than returning to her own world, Botan went to the human world, taking herself to the place where she had fought the Lure.

Apparently Spirit World had sent in their clean-up crew, because there was no trace that the Lure had ever been there. Its webbing had all been removed, and the whole area was once more calm and peaceful. Botan sat down on a rock near the edge of the treeline, which afforded her a view down over the field, which gradually sloped away from her. The sky was slightly clouded over, but the rolling cloud cover created giant floating shadows, that swept across the countryside. It was a phenomenon that never occurred in Spirit World, and one that Botan loved to watch. It was rare that she had the time, when in the living world, to just sit and watch the shadows cast by clouds ripple across the undulating landscape, and so she decided to stay where she was and enjoy the ambiance.

Birds sang in the trees and, the longer she sat and the harder she concentrated, Botan could faintly make out the sound of the ocean. She breathed in deeply, inhaling the cool, crisp, human world air, and held it inside of her for as long as she could bear before slowly exhaling it back out. It was so peaceful in the human world, far away from the bustle of Spirit World, away from the demands of her job as a ferry girl.

Botan sobered slightly, wondering then exactly what her responsibilities to Spirit World would be. She supposed that she would no longer be ferrying any souls at all, her time instead fully devoted to her new role, as the Special Spirit Detective. Or Spirit World Officer for the Border Patrol. Or Hiei's counterpart. Or Hiei's colleague. Or Hiei's partner.

Botan stood up abruptly, her oar appearing in her hand. Shizuru had been very wise when she had advised that Botan was not required to do anything if Hiei did have feelings for her, but what if she did have feelings for him? What if their feelings were different: what if one of them had feelings born purely from lust, and the other had actual romantic feelings? Even Shizuru had said that she thought Hiei's attraction to Botan had started out as purely physical: what if all he wanted was sex?

Botan moaned and hopped onto her oar. She needed help. She needed advice, advice from someone who knew exactly what to do when dealing with a man whose primary interest in her was sexual, a woman who wanted something more than that and had to battle to get it, a woman who was accustomed to demon men and their attitudes towards romance.


Botan knocked again on the door in front of her and stepped back, patiently waiting for an answer. She smoothed a hand over the back of her head and glanced down at herself: in preparation for her visit to a human house, she had once more changed her look in an attempt to appear more "human". She was wearing faded blue jeans and pristine white, lace-up sneakers, an equally white sweater with a black collar and sleeves, covered with an open cornflower blue padded coat. She had straightened her hair and was wearing it long and loose, arranging it to look much like the way Shizuru wore her hair. When the door ahead of her finally opened, she took another step back out of caution, the wall of steam that greeted her making her worry it might make her hair curl again.

"Botan," Keiko's voice spoke from the cloud of steam. "Hi."

An oven mitt wafted at the steam and it gradually dissipated, revealing Keiko, standing in an apron, her face red, her hair gathered up in a clumsy bun, stray strands of hair slick and plastered to the sides of her sweating face and neck.

"How are the cooking lessons going?" Botan asked, remembering then that Keiko was teaching Yukina that day.

"How does it look like they're going?" Keiko asked flatly.

"Maybe I can help?" Botan offered cheerfully.

"You can run me a cold bath and light some lavender candles," Keiko suggested, grabbing one of Botan's wrists and pulling her over the threshold.

"Oh my goodness, it's so hot in here!" Botan gasped as she stumbled into the hallway.

Keiko closed the door behind her and led Botan through to the kitchen, where the air was so hot, the view outside the window looked watery and wavy. Yukina turned around to face them, smiling sweetly and looking entirely unaffected by the stifling heat and steam around them.

"Hello Botan!" she said. "We're making steamed dumplings!"

"Yes, we are," Keiko said in a low voice.

Keiko released Botan, who approached Yukina.

"You seem to be keeping your cool splendidly, Yukina," she commented, putting a hand on the ice maiden's shoulder. "Really, really splendidly!" she added, when she felt the coldness of Yukina's skin, obvious even through her clothing.

"I made a rich gravy, would you like to try some?" Yukina offered.

"Of course!" Botan agreed.

Yukina smiled and turned to the stove, donning two pairs of oven gloves before lifting up a pan that she probably had not need to wear gloves to handle. She turned back to Botan and dunked a ladle into the gravy, stirring it a little, Botan's face falling as she did so: the mixture was lumpy and discoloured, and had bubbles of grease along the surface of it. Yukina happily filled the ladle and moved it towards Botan, who leaned back before noticing that Yukina was starting to look worried.

"I worked really hard on this gravy," the ice maiden said in a small, sad voice. "I followed the recipe precisely. Don't you like gravy, Botan?"

Botan laughed nervously and glanced over at Keiko, who gave a small warning shake of her head. She turned back to Yukina, her large, worried red eyes, peering up beneath her soft, feathery sea-foam green hair proving too much to bear. Botan leaned forwards and allowed Yukina to tip the contents of her ladle into her mouth.

"Mmmmm!" Botan said, giving a thumbs-up as she forced herself to swallow.

It took everything in her being to stop herself from shuddering with disgust as a lump of soggy flour burst open in a dry, powdery explosion at the back of her throat, and another swallow removed it, only to make her painfully aware of the coating of grease left on the roof of her mouth.

"We've been practising making a roux," Keiko explained.

Botan nodded, not entirely sure what that meant, but already aware that Yukina had clearly not understood the process.

"Yukina, keep going, you're doing fine," Keiko said to Yukina. "I just have to use the little girls' room, I'll be back in a moment."

"Alright, Keiko," Yukina said, nodding and turning back to the stove.

Keiko glared at Botan, who frowned in confusion. Keiko gave a sharp jerk of her head in the direction of the door and Botan mouthed out a silent "oh" and quietly followed her out of the kitchen. Keiko led Botan through to the dining room, where she grabbed Botan's arms and looked her straight in the eye.

"Is everything alright, Botan?" she asked. "I've been worried ever since you got that call from Koenma and you left in a hurry!"

"Oh!" Botan said, only then realising that she had not seen or spoken to Keiko since being called away by Koenma to deal with the Lure. "Oh, yes, don't worry Keiko, it was just a sneaky little demon that had found its way into the human world. I took care of it."

"You did?" Keiko asked.

"Yes," Botan replied. "All by myself, in fact!"

"Okay," Keiko said with a sigh, finally releasing her too-firm grip of Botan's arms.

"And after I took care of it, something stranger happened…" Botan began, touching the tips of her index fingers together.

"Like what?" Keiko asked. "Tell me, Botan! If you don't tell me, Kurama will!"

Botan froze for a moment and Keiko flinched.

"What I mean is, if you don't tell me what Koenma asked you to do, Kurama will tell me," she qualified. "Because I see him every day, and he tells me when Spirit World ask him to do stuff."

Botan nodded slowly.

"There's not… Something going on between you and Kurama, is there Keiko?" she asked.

"N-no!" Keiko replied.

Botan was almost certain she was lying – she had long suspected that there might be something going on between Keiko and Kurama, she had found the two of them together far too often when she visited the human world – but she knew they could not stay away from Yukina long, and so chose to stay focused on her original reason for visiting Keiko.

"Keiko, if you suspected that someone had a crush on you, what would you do?" she asked.

"Kurama does not have a crush on me, Botan!" Keiko shouted, fists clenched at her sides and her eyes flashing.

"I wasn't talking about that!" Botan quickly assured her. "I was talking about me! I just found out someone has a crush on me, and I wanted to know what you thought I should do!"

Keiko slowly relaxed back and began to look thoughtful.

"Do you like him?" she asked.

"Yes," Botan replied. "I mean… I like him as a friend. And I think maybe… I don't know, Keiko. I'm not sure if I like him… You know, that way. We're from two different worlds, you see."

"You're talking about a human?" Keiko asked.

"Um…" Botan began, her eyes rolling towards the ceiling. "Not exactly a human, no…"

"A demon?" Keiko pressed.

"Well…"

"Is it Yusuke?"

Botan met Keiko's eyes abruptly.

"I sort of thought there might be something going on between you two, is all," Keiko said with a shrug. "It makes sense. I wouldn't be mad if there was."

"You wouldn't be mad if I had come here to ask you if you minded me dating Yusuke?" Botan asked.

"No, there would be no point," Keiko replied in a strange voice, avoiding eye contact with Botan as she spoke. "I think Yusuke and I have both sort of moved on with our lives, moved in different directions. I hardly see him any more. I know more about Kuwabara and Kurama these days!"

Keiko gave a small laugh, but Botan narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

"Keiko," she said slowly. "Are you trying to match me up with Yusuke so that you can justify dating Kurama?"

"What?" Keiko yelped.

"I knew it!" Botan declared, pointing a finger at Keiko. "You want to date Kurama!"

"Botan!" Keiko hissed, grabbed a hand around Botan's pointed finger and pushing her hand down. "Keep your voice down!"

"Why?" Botan asked. "In case Yukina hears?"

"Yes!" Keiko replied.

"Because you don't want her to know the truth!"

"Because I don't want her to tell Kuwabara that I want to date Kurama!"

"So you admit it!"

"No, you're just accusing me of it, and if Yukina overhears, she won't understand that it's not true!"

Botan gave Keiko one last, suspicious look before conceding.

"Okay," she said. "But what would you do if did have a crush on Kurama?"

"I'd spend some more time with him to be sure," Keiko replied.

"You've been doing that!" Botan gasped. "You do have a crush on Kurama!"

"Botan!"

Botan sobered.

"Spend more time with him to be sure?" she asked.

"Yes," Keiko replied. "Sometimes… Sometimes you can just think you have feelings for someone. Sometimes, when you find out someone has feelings for you, it's so flattering, you can get confused into thinking you like them back, when actually you don't. Spend more time with him, do more things with him, and see how you feel then."

Botan nodded slowly, deciding that Keiko had given her good advice about her own situation with Hiei, but also feeling acutely aware that Keiko was describing her own situation with Kurama. It was not that, as Hiei had accused her, she had been spying on Keiko and Kurama as such, it was more just that she had happened to notice, on her visits to the living world, that Keiko and Kurama went to a lot of classes together, and had lunch together sometimes, and went to the library together.

"Good luck with your endeavours," Botan said, nodding towards the door, meaning to wish Keiko luck with teaching Yukina.

"I'm not trying to seduce Kurama, Botan!" Keiko cried.

"I didn't say that you were!" Botan responded, holding up her hands defensively. "I didn't even think that you were trying to seduce Kurama! Not until you just said it just now, now I sort of think that maybe you are…"

"Botan!" Keiko wailed.

"Okay, thanks, bye!"

Botan quickly took her leave, deciding she could worry about what was going on between Keiko and Kurama some other time. She first, and foremost, needed to act on the advice Keiko had given her, and spend more time with Hiei. And whilst she was sure that she would be able to do exactly that in her new role as the Special Spirit Detective, she felt that she needed to spend time with him outside of work. She was certain that was what Keiko had meant, that was the advice Keiko had given her, that she should attempt to socialise with Hiei, to get to know him better, and to better sort out how she felt about him.

As she walked down the street, Botan felt a strange feeling, one she could not quite understand. It felt familiar, but the feeling she related it to made no sense. The feeling she had, as she walked away from Keiko's house, as she embarked on a quest to find Hiei and get to know him better, was the same feeling she had prior to a major event. It was the feeling she had felt arriving at the island the Dark Tournament was held at: an ironic thought as she reminded herself that Yusuke had told her Hiei's feelings for her had started during the Dark Tournament.

Botan wondered exactly when he had started to have feelings for her. Was it because of something specific that she had done, or said? Something she had worn? Had she looked at him in a certain way? She wished she knew if it was one particular thing, as then she might at least have a better understanding of the nature of his feelings towards her, as she was still unsure whether his attraction to her was purely physical, or if he actually sought to make a deeper connection with her. The Dark Tournament had passed by several years ago, and that was a long time to have a sustained crush on someone that was based purely on physical attraction, she thought, and so either he did have deeper feelings for her or his physical attraction to her was extreme, to the point that he literally found her irresistible.

Was that why he had been so tetchy with her when she had accidentally touched his hand upon leaving Koenma's office at the start of the mission to find the Lure? Was his reaction a reflection of his struggling restraint against an overwhelming physical attraction?

Botan sighed: that was a lot of pressure. If Hiei really was extremely physically infatuated with her, she was sure he would only be disappointed if she did pursue that with him. Botan's own crushes involved her thinking a lot about the person, imagining various scenarios with that person, and Hiei had had a long time to think about scenarios with her. A long time to imagine her naked, to imagine having a carnal, physical, animal relationship with her. Botan had neither the experience, confidence nor the desire to pursue such a relationship with anyone, least of all someone she would have to work alongside from now on, regardless of whether the relationship panned out or not. As she summoned her oar, Botan realised that was something else she would have to consider: she was going to have to deal with Hiei, potentially daily, for an undefined amount of time going forward, and so if she did pursue a personal relationship with him, she would have to be mindful that it did not conflict with the work they may be expected to carry out together. It would be extremely difficult if she had a brief, passionate affair with Hiei to then carry on working alongside him. Could she look him in the eye after something like that? Would it feel awkward standing next to his fellow guards, discussing issues with Koenma, all the while knowing, in the back of her mind, that she had seen Hiei naked?

Botan swallowed hard, the realisation occurring that she had never actually imagined what Hiei might look like naked. She had seen the top half of his body naked, but nothing below the waist – not even his ankles – as he always wore such well-covering, loose-fitting pants. Well-covering, loose-fitting pants that made it impossible to make out any detail of what lay beneath them. The lower half of Hiei's body could fall under any extreme, Botan had no way of knowing. Not unless she got into a physical relationship with him. Then she would know. Then she would know everything. She would see everything. Every minute detail.

And he would see her.

Botan wriggled a little on her oar as she passed through a portal and began moving through the skies of Demon World. It was growing late in the day – although day was a difficult concept to truly define in Demon World – and usually she would feel tired and ready for her bed. But the thought of Hiei seeing her naked suddenly had her wide awake. The thought of Hiei seeing her naked had a more profound effect on her than the thought of seeing him naked had. Botan felt her mind stray down a path she could not stop it from falling down, momentarily at the mercy of her own psyche, shivering all over as her mind conjured a painfully clear image of her standing naked before Hiei and him smiling up at her.

She wondered how their physical relationship might develop. How long would it take for him to kiss her? Who would make the first move? How quickly would it progress to a more serious level, physically? How would it feel?

Botan wondered what sort of sexual positions Hiei favoured.

Botan wondered what sort of sexual positions she favoured.

Botan had no experience of having a physical relationship with anyone. The prospect did not frighten her, but she was a little apprehensive that Hiei might expect her to know more than she did about the physical side of love. She was aware that, in many respects, she would probably have to take guidance from him, regardless of whether their relationship ended up being purely physical or something deeper, he was likely to be more experienced than she was.

She wondered why then her mind kept straying back to the idea of her being naked in front of a fully-clothed Hiei.

She really liked that idea.

Botan flew for a long time, covering vast plains of Demon World, but still found no trace of Hiei. She passed over a Border Patrol unit, which was stopped by a human who had apparently crossed over into Demon World, but Hiei was not amongst the party, that was obvious from far off, and so Botan was forced to press on. The more time passed, the more she started to worry that she might have missed Hiei, she might have already passed him by, her mind failing to detect him because it was instead choosing to drift back to that image of her standing naked in front of Hiei: and thinking about that, she felt a strange rush in her chest.

Maybe she was attracted to Hiei, she admitted to herself. Maybe she had been for some time. Maybe she always had been. But thinking about that brought her onto something else she had not considered before: any time she had wondered anything about Hiei, the overwhelming thought that had pervaded her mind was simply that she was a ferry girl, with duties in Spirit World, and Hiei was a demon, a guard of the Border Patrol, with duties in Demon World, and it would neither be practical nor acceptable for them to be anything other than acquaintances. She had never really considered it a possibility that she could have any sort of relationship with anyone outside of her own world, and so she had shut down the idea any time it so much as attempted to surface in her mind.

And so maybe she had always been attracted to Hiei. Maybe, on some subconscious level, she had a bit of a crush on him too, but she had always suppressed it due to the belief that it could never materialise into anything real. Maybe that idea about standing naked in front of him was a secret fantasy she had always coveted, but always denied herself. And maybe now that there was a sliver of a chance that it could become a reality she had effectively opened up a floodgate in her mind, unleashed years of suppressed emotional and hormonal fantasies about Hiei.

As though on cue, as that idea occurred to her, Botan sensed Hiei's familiar energy signal, and aimed herself towards it, flying swiftly and silently through what was probably as close to a night sky as Demon World ever experienced. As she flew that last stretch to reach him, she indulged the darker depths of her imagination again, scouring them for any ideas about encountering Hiei at night in Demon World. But, search as she might, the only idea her mind kept presenting her with was the one where she was standing naked and he was smiling up at her. Maybe smiling in an admiring sort of way. Maybe in a sly sort of way. Maybe in the sort of way that betrayed thoughts he was having about her, thoughts about what he was going to do to her now that she was exposed and naked before him.

Botan descended towards the point she reasoned Hiei to be, trying to sort her thoughts back into order, trying to regain her composure, trying to ready herself to face him with some sort of sense of decorum.

All ideas of appearing with her dignity left her however when Hiei finally came into her line of sight. The situation she had found him in was like something fresh out of a hormonally-charged female fantasy: but Botan was sure even her own mind could not have dreamt up something so cliché and so incredibly awkward. She almost wanted to back away, to escape, to go back to Spirit World and try to sleep. However, Hiei had clearly already spotted her, as he was looking directly up at her, unmoving from his position, and so she was forced to continue, to lower herself down and disembark her oar.

Botan stood at the edge of the river, still dressed in the outfit she had worn to visit Keiko, looking down at the water, and at Hiei, who was standing in the depths of the water, his hair wet and plastered around his head in a way that almost made him unrecognisable. The waterline was just below his naval, and the water was dark, making it impossible to tell if he was naked below that level or not.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her.

"I came to see you," she answered honestly.

He frowned, before wiping a hand down over his face.

"You shouldn't be here, you're a target for every demon here," he said sternly. "Especially at this time of night. And you're a long way from the nearest portal back to your own world."

Botan nodded.

"I couldn't sleep," she said. "I need to talk to you. And I think I'm safe here, with you, because you're very strong."

Hiei eyed her curiously.

"Please Hiei," she insisted. "I just need… I just need to know."

He softened slightly, blinking at her a couple of times before grunting and nodding. He looked a little reluctant in his acquiescence, but Botan did not dare question it, instead preparing herself to join him for a talk.


Next Chapter: Botan joins Hiei for a swim/dunk in the river and they talk. By the time they are done, Botan thinks she understands the exact extent of Hiei's feelings for her, and in turn, she is starting to understand exactly how she feels about him. Chapter 5: Not That Hard