It's hard to hold back that memory from reemerging at the faintest sign for my... reproductive instincts to kick in, especially at night. I should feel lucky not to live close to anyone who will be mating as soon as heat season begins. Otherwise, it would be even tougher for me to handle. While I'm aware I'm no different from any of the other men in the village regarding that aspect, those flashbacks haunt me whenever it's that time of the year. And the reason is simple: I don't want to remember I am probably defective along with my moon brother, not when I'm essentially cursed by our religion.
We were probably too young to receive a proper name back when it happened, but there's something I distinctively recall: Ranok and I didn't call each other by our pup names, rather referenced us as "brother". Surprising considering how much of a tease the Chief's heir could be, even at the time, although I can't understate how kind of an act that was. It wasn't the same kindness the women taking care of us pups had; it was genuine. That wolf did really care for me, regardless of who we were and what they could think of us. He did buy that story of both of us coming to the world together, and that's why even if I won't publicly admit it, I don't feel I could reject that fated brotherhood completely. Despite the cold look I usually give to everyone, I could use some attention that isn't related to missions or hunts, too.
That doesn't mean my brother isn't a living headache. Quite the opposite, in fact, and it has brought me lots of uncomfortable moments, sometimes concerned about his well being, but most of the time irritated for his anarchic behavior and worried about his future. Ranok is definitely lucky not to have been banished up until now. Especially once Caelan was found, and I'm afraid things are just getting started for both that human and the whole tribe. I highly doubt he will get away with it, unlike that time I could have easily gotten in trouble along with my moon brother. Remembering all those events makes me think of how lucky we were to have Verissa in the medical premises that time around... and get my mating instincts to work, too, no matter how hard I try to shut those down. No personality could ever help me fight my inner instincts, despite how well I'm educated against them manifesting, and neither could help Ranok or the incense smoker.
Even if she's an Alpha nowadays, like me and Ranok, she wasn't part of the pack we were in along with Tano and the rest of the future pack leaders around the time that incident happened. That was because she clearly showed interest in becoming a shaman, so she was helping the two shamans we had back in those days. Although she started doing the usual cycling between military and civil work way sooner than any of the regular wolves, she didn't have much trouble getting to command her own pack when the time came. Which is, to be honest, quite impressive. She does take any sexist comments lightly, to the point she even looks like she's mocking the offender, but it's hard to deny some males question a female commanding them more often than another male. Which shows indiscipline and is quite disappointing, in my opinion. The scolding they would have got from me for disrespecting women in battle would be a lot worse than her simply not taking them seriously.
Having played so many of those training games the pups are taught from the moment they're old enough, it's hard to recall which one we were playing, but the grey wolf and I were in the same team that day. At first, I didn't care whether Ranok was my rival or my ally during education time, but from that point on, I started feeling somewhat uncomfortable if I had my moon brother close for some time. That was, of course, because of what happened at some point when we were particularly separated from the rest of the teams. Suddenly, he approached me and whispered to my ear:
"Could you come with me for a moment?".
"What?" I asked, perplexed, but trying to play along by making a sign to the other wolves so that they didn't talk out loud in order not to cause suspicions. "Why are you talking so lowly in the first place?".
"It's important; I can only trust you".
That was not normal at all, and I couldn't help arching a brow as a result. Even at that age, I knew meeting someone in private who wasn't your mate lead to questions from everyone else; any sign of conspiracy was an alarm to anyone old enough to be able to reason. I also knew Ranok felt quite agitated for some reason, and being the only wolf I could ever care about individually, my head eventually made a very dissimulative nod. The only way we had to get in private at that moment was to try to make up some sort of ambush strategy and get our teammates to buy it. Tano made things particularly stressing, since his sixth sense of sorts was starting to develop, and I could definitely tell he knew something was up. After a psychological tug-of-war, though, him on one side and both of us on the other, he gave in and played along, eventually giving us an alibi to disappear from everyone's radar for long enough to have some time with him.
"This is a very bad idea..." I mumbled, still unable to shake that white wolf's suspicious look off my head.
"I'm sorry, but..." the grey wolf tried to apologize. "It'd better be important" I interrupted him, trying to make him aware there was no going back of whatever was going to happen once we'd be far enough to make sure we weren't being observed.
As we walked, I really hoped Ranok wouldn't try to back out from going off track for the first time. Of the abundant amount of situations he had caused during his whole life, the single point they all shared is that the grey wolf would always go all-in, never giving up on his own until he was done or lectured hard. If I was going to be part of another of his mishaps, I didn't want that one to be pointless. Even if there was no chance anything good would come out of it. I didn't expect him to use the fact that he's not always in the wrong, anyway.
As soon as we got in a somewhat comfortable spot in the middle of nowhere, it wasn't hard for me to tell the Chief's heir was incredibly nervous, although he'd just said a while back he could only trust me. The more I thought about it, the more I regretted giving in to him. Still, what we were going to talk about in that hidden spot of the forest shocked me even more than it should have, in retrospect.
"Have you heard..." he started, looking around nervously while starting to noticeably blush. "Um, you know, what we're supposed to do with...?".
"Yeah?" I crossed my arms, definitely getting impatient pretty quickly.
"Our mates. What we're supposed to do with the girls we are told they are our mates".
"So, what's with our females?" I asked, taking a lot longer to realize where our brief conversation was going. So far, I didn't feel it was worth slipping away from the training.
The violent wag of Ranok's tail was a dead giveaway he was having quite an inner fight trying to get the words to flow out.
"Are you nervous about being near your mate?" I asked again. "No one's getting eaten when you're alone with her!".
"Well... I discovered what you must actually do when mating" the grey wolf finally said.
"And?".
Truth be told, I didn't really know a lot about sex at that age. The only thing I was sure of was the fact that my eyes would frequently follow females' breasts and that I felt some sort of impulse at certain times, particularly after drinking moderately at the parties.
"Well, there's this thing that comes out of your pee hole, and you put that in one of the female's holes over here" Ranok moved his hand towards his crotch, right where we were told not to touch ourselves or others. "Then you hold your mate tightly and start pushing in and out with your waist..."
For some reason, my moon brother had started humping the air just like you'd mate a female. It was weird to watch, but I felt it was the right thing to do with a woman. What shocked me more than getting to know how mating worked, was both how knowledgeable the teenage wolf seemed, and how agitated he was becoming. Seeing his worsening state eventually made my mind click, and a question was bound to leave my muzzle:
"How did you figure that out, brother?".
"I couldn't sleep and... was hearing some noises, so I watched two adults doing the same thing I told you and... Aaaaaaah...".
The moan Ranok let out as he looked down was quite bizarre. If I hadn't seen its source, I would have judged that sound to come from a female. One in heat, in fact, but at the time, I could only say it was a woman behaving incredibly strangely. Both unnatural and instinctively.
"Mmmmmmm... I-I need your help, brother" the grey wolf moaned out, grabbing his pants with the same hand that had just helped him describe how a sexual encounter worked.
This time, my mind worked out his next move a lot quicker than I could ever imagine.
"N-no! What are you doing, brother?!" I tried not to shout way too loudly.
It didn't really change the outcome any. My moon brother had just pulled out his lower clothes down, letting his tool and its scent out in the process. If I listed what I think was more severe of the whole incident, the result would follow the same order in which everything happened: that red thing continued to unsheathe, my whole body started heating up for some reason, and I started to feel the weird impulse that tells my body to find a partner to mate. Only I didn't know how to process that last incitement. Unfortunately, that living headache did.
"You're feeling it, too, right?" Ranok mumbled nervously as he lowered his ears. "Sorry...".
"You'd better have a solution" I panted out agitatedly, feeling the pressure on my own pants build up as my boner grew. "And don't you think for a second you're practicing with me".
"I don't want to be mated like a female, either" my brother protested, looking back at myself for a brief second before looking back down at his own erection. "It... almost feels like it wants to be touched... Can I see...?".
"No" I huffed out, but I soon realized I wouldn't be able to resist that for much longer, so I did let my own thing free, too. "Ugh, can't make this worse, right?".
Both members were probably just as big by the time they were out in the wild, but I didn't really take a look at my own because I noticed the fellow wolf comparing them himself.
Even worse was his curiosity. It's not like I would ever consider exploring such parts of my body at that time, much less someone else's since I didn't really know what I'd eventually do with a female. However, the grey wolf before me had decided to take a gamble in the gamble we were already involved in.
"Do you feel the same?" Ranok asked with a look I couldn't really make sense of. "The urge to... touch it?".
"You know what happens to whoever mentions that!" I protested, letting fear invade me as I recalled what we were told about touching ourselves down there. "I'm not gonna...!".
"I think there might be a better way. One that... You know, doesn't involve any of us playing female".
"I don't like this...".
"Don't worry, brother" the Chief's heir smiled at me in the tendest way he could. "I think this is normal... at the time of the year we are, of course...".
This is normal. I wasn't sure of how to feel about Ranok being aware of what was actually going on even sooner than myself. By that point, I couldn't find a name to it yet, only describe it as people, mostly women, not acting on their right mind; sometimes weird noises can be heard at night. Either way, none of my moon brother's words could erase the unpleased face I was making.
"Since we don't have anything to push our things into..." the canine in front of me panted out, loudly enough for me to hear, as his member continued to move on its own. "Well, I'm pretty sure just touching should do... Mmmm... Maybe... rubbing them together should help us with these issues...".
"You're crazy, brother" I shook my head quickly, almost panicking at the suggestion.
"But I still wanna try it..." he begged, something he was an expert at when he was a pup.
"We shouldn't be doing any of that".
The grey wolf looked down at his erection again and let out a nervous pant. By the looks of it, he wouldn't take long to start humping his own hand. For some reason beyond my understanding at the time, the smell my nostrils were catching from both tools had become a lot stronger, causing my whole body to shiver lightly. I don't know who among us was emitting the most of that scent, but I had the feeling it was Ranok's body that was calling for mine with an alarming urgency. My nose had started twitching to it, and there was no way I could stop it.
"Please..." Ranok moaned out. "Aaaaah...".
He sounded like a desperate female in heat. Had I lacked more self-control, I would certainly have jumped on him and raped him on the spot. My mind could still choose what to do, though, and I decided I did need to get touched, but my brother didn't have to pay for it.
"Let's do it quickly, okay?" I eventually nodded, taking my little cape off and making sure my hot torso wasn't covered by anything, otherwise I felt I could suffocate in the middle of it.
"Okay, buddy" he replied, imitating my actions with his own upper clothes and trying to stand straight on his feet like a tree, allowing his own little soldier to get closer to my body. "Should I...?".
"N-no... Haaa... I'll do it myself".
That's when I finally gave the few steps towards Ranok before our bodies and crotches would touch. We both groaned and moaned lowly, knowing we couldn't raise our voices too much if we didn't want to be discovered. After our eyes connected once again, I felt the grey wolf's hands wrapping around my body, right before my instincts would tell me to do the same.
"Y-yeah..." my moon brother moaned out lowly starting to move his crotch slowly. "Just like this, brother...".
Damn, it felt good. So good it felt horribly wrong to be doing it. But at the same time, I wanted to squeeze as much of that bizarre, incredibly intense pleasure I was feeling. The heat of our bodies added up quickly as we were hugging tightly, especially down at our members, which had started rubbing together and almost moving on their own even more eagerly, thus making our bodies want to keep rubbing that way.
"B-brother..." I heard Ranok's low moan while I stared at his red face.
My own face, from the heat I was feeling on it, was probably the same as my brother's, and it only got worse the further our sinful act went. By the time I noticed, my hands were rubbing all around his furry back while my hips had started getting out of control. The response I got, besides the future Alpha's pleasurable moans, was the same magnitude of force I was using being applied back to my own groin. He loved it.
My own senses were so lost in the stimulation I was getting that it took me a while to notice Ranok was licking my face. And I still don't know why, but I didn't get mad at him. What's worse, I started doing the same to his neck, which caused him to bury his head on my chest and let out a somewhat louder moan. My body responded to that by using as much energy as it could pull out to keep humping his crotch, at a pace that, in retrospect, a woman couldn't probably take for very long. The grip my brother held on me grew harder by that point, and after a bunch of humps from both of us, he moaned out on my ear:
"I think... I'm getting... Ooooooh...".
"I'm feeling weird... but so good I could... explode..." I groaned out in response.
"We're almost there... I-I'm sure... Just a bit more...".
Letting out a grunt, I quickly nodded to my moon brother's totally red face and continued to hump along with him like I had been doing up until that point. I felt something building up inside me quite quickly, so intensely I let out short pants and moans as a result. If Ranok's moans were any indication, he was going through the same sensation I had. And shortly after came the burst.
"B-brother...!" he moaned a bit too loudly for my comfort.
"Aaaaaaah...".
Our furs were quickly messed up by that incredibly hot liquid being shot by our members in no time at all. The heat I detected as it landed on so many parts of my body my senses urged me to break the embrace before we were totally covered by it. However, Ranok kept holding me tight, almost as if he was hanging on to me for dear life, and his hands grabbed my head somewhat tightly once I abandoned my attempt.
Our eyes were set to meet again thanks to my brother moving my head at his will. As we looked at each other, our foreheads touched lightly, then our noses did, and the tight embrace turned into a much more tender one. Nowadays, there's only one thing that comes to my mind when remembering that: the same feeling you'd have after having sex, cuddling with your lover as a reward for such a good job. Only it was a male with who I had shared my intimacy. My body didn't care, though: I was inexplicably delighted by it now that we were done letting off some steam. I can't deny my muzzle was happily copying the pleased, soft smile Ranok's was drawing, either, and the careful rubs I felt on my face were probably making us incredibly happy in the same magnitude. I don't think other fond memories I have could rival that very moment. We were probably the happiest pups who could ever exist.
Still, it didn't take my senses long to come back and realize we could be screwed. Finally parting from the kind embrace we were on for who knows how long, it was clear we were both covered in that white substance, and getting rid of it was going to be really hard. Not even any source of water nearby to help us at all.
"How do we get this... thing off?" I asked.
"Um..." Ranok was starting to get somewhat nervous, though not as bad as when he was hard. "Maybe we could... lick it off...?".
"You can't be serious" I frowned, unwilling to drink my own waste off of the grey wolf's body.
"Do you have a better idea?".
From the moment I heard that question, my mind went hard at work to figure out what we could do. A no wasn't an option if that meant I would have to taste our seeds. Anything but that.
"How well will the grass work?" I mumbled as I kept thinking, grabbing a great amount of the green patches with my hand and crushing the bunch carefully.
Ranok simply stared at me with a curious face as I tried my best to rub as much of the white, sticky substance off my body with the grass. It took some scrubbing, but when I eventually got rid of the messy bunch, most of what was under the rubbed spot was gone. Upon seeing it, the grey wolf did the same thing I had just done and was doing at the moment: grabbing a handful of herb, crushing it carefully, then rubbing the strings of cum out of his torso. A little smile was drawn on my face as I watched him cleaning up, realizing how silly we looked at that moment. It didn't matter, anyway, since we had been able to get rid of that mess in order not to get caught. It was finally time to get dressed again.
"W-wait, brother!" Ranok exclaimed as soon as he saw me pick up my cape. "I think you still have a little bit on your chest".
I froze at that comment, and my heart started beating just as fast as when we were rubbing our shafts together. His intention was clear as water by that point, and I had one only chance to stop him.
"A-are you really this... defective, brother?".
"Does it matter?" the grey wolf stabbed back right in the middle. "We gotta make sure they don't find out...".
The idea didn't sit well with me, but was there any point in insisting against a gamble the Chief's heir was taking? Experience, even back then, told me the answer to that was a plain no. He couldn't force me to lick, but his tongue was landing on my torso, and the only thing I could do was figuring it couldn't be all that bad.
"Fine, you win, but I'm not licking you, okay?" I huffed out.
That was more than enough for my moon brother, who nodded more excitedly than he was willing to admit before carefully sniffing my chest, locating the traces of semen remaining on my fur, and licking them off. I panted out of agitation while I tried to convince myself things weren't going any further and my reasoning fought insistently against my asking instincts, wanting that strange, dirty act to be just the first step of something even greater. I would have had to be insane before admitting I liked what Ranok was doing, and quite a lot, which was making me feel worse as my brother continued. The sounds he emitted as he did his job were faint, but a hint of enjoyment reached my ears. If anything, I couldn't help having that exciting, yet dreadful feeling, and if I didn't want to grow hard again, I had to put a stop to it immediately.
"Okay, that's enough..." I mumbled. "We gotta hurry and go back with the pack before everyone notices our absence".
The last thing I remember from that day that was out of the ordinary was both of us quickly dressing up again, mostly because of the strange, tender looks we gave to each other as we helped each other get our capes properly adjusted in the same way they were before. The more I think about it, the more comparable they were to the sensation we shared after our first climax ever. And while they help me feel somewhat happy upon recalling it, they are quickly followed by the realization of what we had done that day, surrounded by countless vegetation. And the realization of what I do whenever those memories hit me again during the rutting season. Ever since I really learned what we were doing, I've been even more glad of being a closed book to everyone in the tribe except for Ranok and maybe Verissa at rare times. Not that I would ever confess our scene to her, though. At the very least, that fool I call moon brother would be blushing to the point he'd be burning along with me if that were to ever happen.
We, males, are trained not to show any significant feelings, and we're considered weak if we let them out no matter the circumstances. In that regard, I'm probably the perfect soldier every pup aspires to be nowadays. Yet here I am again, letting my instincts win over my reasoning and allowing them to take me back to the moment I shared such intimate moments for the first time. A bad omen, a messy, likely defective wolf basking in an undeserved afterglow, grooming myself to a point no one could ever imagine. But, to be honest, I think that's the way it should be. Ranok's continuous misbehavior, and even mine, at some point, is proof of the fact that we're not made of stone, and although discipline is necessary, does that mean talking about our fears is wrong? Do we have to keep genuine happiness or sorrow to ourselves? Does everyone have to plan their moves carefully and look for everyone else's weak spots whenever we're out in public? Can't we sometimes give in to the urge of crying when we feel overwhelmed by what's going on, just like he did when I...?
"What the fuck's wrong with you, Vulgor?"
After shedding a tear or two because of those painful memories, I usually snap out of it and finally shake all those thoughts out of my mind. Want it or not, things are that way, and there's nothing I can do to change them. Even the Chief's heir couldn't probably alter how our culture works all that easily as he seems to think. Ever since that time he sneaked in a carriage, he's been obsessed with exploring the world outside our limits, but no miracle combined with his learning will be enough to make us live in a different way out of the blue. He should be smart enough for realizing and coming to accept it unless he wants to be devoured by the elders. His father has been questioned a lot by now, and it's not like they'll like Ranok better. I'm willing to bet it's going to be the exact opposite, especially now that everyone in the tribe is aware of the human he gave sanctuary without thinking twice.
That little piglet... Caelan, as my moon brother calls him... His presence and circumstances raise so many questions, both to us and him. I was tempted to kill it as soon as I saw it, but it didn't take long for me to be aware of the grey wolf having settled on him as another gamble of his. He's not all that smart, as he proved back at the banquet with Tano, and I can't say I'll miss him once he's gone just yet, but what I'm totally sure of, is that, no matter how big is the mess he's involved in, even if he's actually bringing bad news for our future, I can't blame him for any of that. I personally know how it feels to be rejected, to be carrying a curse on your shoulders due to some event you didn't have any control of, and seeing another one suffering the consequences of a crime they didn't commit would totally piss me off and make me stop caring for my people's beliefs completely.
That is if I completely forgot about Ranok's sincere praying when we were pups. He's the only one who keeps me somewhat attached to our beliefs and to be honest, I've always been thinking about the future time when our tribe will finally collapse. Unless keeping the memory alive of somewhere that may have actually never existed stops mattering at once and for all, it's inevitable it will eventually happen. For that, and the little esteem the tribe has of me unless when not thinking of war, if I had to choose between saving my people and saving just Ranok, without having the chance of keeping both... I'm not sure I'd allow my brother to be sacrificed, even if he wanted to. Leaving everything I know behind sounds like child's play when the thought of losing that cheerful tease of a wolf crosses my mind. I wouldn't probably last more than a few years before starting to apply suicide tactics whenever I could if it was me who allowed Ranok to die while being able to save him. I'm way too attached to him.
Despite my awareness of what he does is a mistake before my moon brother himself does, I won't stop caring for him, although I'll have to babysit Caelan because of it. I just hope he isn't teaching the human any bad habits, especially in the sexual side. This time I'm not willing to play around with another male, no matter whether it's Ranok himself or my partner could hardly doing anything to stop me from humping to my heart's content. I don't want to be reminded of my own defectiveness. Yes, I like men, and yes, I wish I could get in the bed with one as I'd do with a woman, but I can't simply have it my way. It's that simple. My brother may do as he wishes regarding that if he doesn't care at all, but the only thing he could expect if he got burnt for it would be my unconditional support. I'm already a bad omen, what's the point in trying to keep the acceptance as a regular person I never really had?
