Last Chapter: Botan had a dark dream and an even darker vision, but quickly forgot about both to enjoy being at a dinner party with Hiei in his tight, tight pants.


Chapter 17: Here I am

Yusuke and Kuwabara were entertaining everyone with competing tales of their adventures, both before and after Yusuke became the Spirit Detective, but their words were largely just background white noise to Botan's ears. Her attention was almost entirely focused on Hiei. He unfortunately was not sitting next to her or even directly across from her, and so it was not easy for her to look at him without a little effort: but he looked so perfect that night, she was prepared to make whatever effort was required to keep her eyes on him for as long as possible. Frustratingly, he never looked back at her, mostly keeping his eyes on his food: which brought to mind an interesting idea for Botan. She had never really given the matter much thought before, but, watching Hiei push food around his plate, she realised then that she had never actually seen him eat. She had seen him drink tea and water, but never touch anything else. Did he eat at all? She began to think that maybe he survived on water and energy from the sun, and as though to prove her point, none of the food placed in front of him ever left his plate. Even when Yukina and Kuwabara were collecting in everyone's plates, they did not acknowledge his untouched meal.

After everyone else had finished eating – a meal Botan had found delicious and satisfying, but, no matter how much she had eaten, she had never felt like she had over-eaten – they all moved through to the living room, where, as she had expected would be the case, Kuwabara hauled out the karaoke machine he was so fond of and went through his usual routine of asking if anyone wanted to stand up and sing – which of course, nobody did – before kicking off with a round of his favourite tracks himself.

"Atsuko would have liked this, it's too bad she didn't come along," Keiko said to Botan partway through the performance.

"Yes, she's probably the only one of us who can match Kuwabara's… Style…" Botan agreed.

Inwardly, she suspected Keiko was just making the comment to try to prove that she had gone to invite Atsuko along to the dinner party and not to enjoy some alone time with Yusuke, but she was right nonetheless: Atsuko did enjoy karaoke, and she and Kuwabara did often perform belting duets at group gatherings.

"Are you gonna have a go?" Keiko asked Botan.

"I don't think so," Botan said with a shake of her head. "Are you?"

"Maybe," Keiko replied.

Botan turned to her, surprised by her response.

"It depends, hold on," Keiko added with a grin.

Botan watched with curious interest as Keiko waved a hand to catch Shizuru's attention. They exchanged a brief, hushed conversation before Keiko turned her attention back to Botan.

"Let's go up next," she said.

"You and me?" Botan asked.

"All three of us," Keiko replied. "You, me and Shizuru!"

Botan looked past Keiko at Shizuru, who gave her that sort of smile she wore when she was playing a trick on someone.

"What's the song?" Botan asked. "I don't know the words to many songs."

"There's one in there you know really well, don't worry," Keiko assured her.

"Oh, okay."

As Kuwabara finished one song, Botan found herself being pulled to her feet by Keiko and dragged over to the karaoke machine.

"We have to share the mic," Shizuru reminded them.

Botan started to ask her what they were singing, but when she music started playing, she got her answer. It was a silly but fun song, that often come on the radio in Keiko's car when the girls were out on a road trip. They would always sing along and laugh at how ridiculous it was, and although Botan always enjoyed it, there was a world of difference between singing a stupid song with her friends in a small contained area where nobody else could hear them and standing up in front of Hiei and making a fool of herself. She leaned closer to Keiko so that all three of them could share the same microphone, but began singing with less enthusiasm than either of her friends, and far less enthusiasm than she usually had when singing in the car. At first, she did not dare look at Hiei, but, after a few bars, she dared to look in his direction, unsure if she was pleased or not to find him looking directly at her. She had wanted him to look her way all night, so a part of her was pleased to finally have his attention, but an equal part of her was mortified that she had gained his attention by doing something she was sure he would disapprove of.

The look on his face was not one of outright disapproval or disgust, but it was actually quite hard to tell exactly what the look on his face meant. There was an air of scrutiny to it, a hint of condescending amusement: but no obvious signs that he was completely put off by her performance.

Maybe he was distracted by the way she looked. Maybe he was torn between his disgust at her for behaving like a fool and his primal instincts upon seeing her made up so well in a dress that was so risqué. She sensed he was toying with her. Maybe because he knew what she had been thinking about him lately. Maybe he was looking at her, thinking about all the things she had been thinking about. Or maybe he was looking at her and thinking his own thoughts about her. His own animal thoughts.

When the song was over, Keiko hugged Yusuke and Shizuru handed the microphone back to her brother, who readily accepted it. Botan quietly slid out of the room and continued out into the back garden, drawing in a deep breath of the sweet, evening, human world air. It smelled a little different that night. It was not the smell she normally associated with the human world: or at least not the smell she normally associated with a city. The air smelled like moss and a little like the pink liquid Keiko used to remove her nail polish. That pink stuff always reminded Botan of something else. Every time she caught the odour of it in Keiko's bedroom, it reminded her of something, but she could never quite pinpoint just what. It was a scent she occasionally caught in the air, though she could not really remember where, when or why. When she tried to puzzle it out, she heard the music inside the house change to a slower song, one Keiko liked, one she usually dragged Yusuke up to dance with her to.

"Some of the things the humans sing about are embarrassingly ridiculous."

Botan turned her head to see Hiei standing at her side, looking out towards the back of the garden.

"I didn't want to sing, Keiko made me do it," she said.

"This song makes everyone behave in ways that are degrading," Hiei replied.

"This song?" Botan asked. "This is a romantic song. For slow dancing."

Botan paused, before daring to voice the question that then welled up in her mind.

"Would you like to dance, Hiei?"

"Dance?"

"Yes. Now. With me. To this song."

"You and I may have a different definition of the word "dance"."

"It means move rhythmically to the music."

Hiei turned his head slightly towards her, looking up at her from the corner of his eye with a smirk that bordered on the dark one she had been seeing him wear do often lately.

"Yes, that's what it means," he agreed.

"Yes," Botan said, wondering what she was missing.

"Move rhythmically to the music," he repeated. "Vertically, or, more commonly, horizontally."

"Horizontally?" Botan echoed with a smile. "Oh Hiei, what sort of dancing is done horizontally? If we were dancing horizontally, we'd be lying down on the… Ground…"

Hiei's smirk curled a little further into his cheeks and his eyes took on that teasing glint.

"Hiei, you're mean to me," Botan complained, turning to look out across the garden.

"If you're not ready to dance, maybe you'd prefer to walk."

"What?"

Hiei started walking down the garden, and after a moment's hesitation as she considered how odd Hiei's choice of words was, Botan hurried after him, falling into step at his side as they neared the back fence. The back fence was a high fence, made of wooden planks so close together, it was impossible to see through. They were painted white, though the grain of the wood was still apparent through the paint, and, as they were just coming out of winter, the white was a little faded in places due to the more inclement weather of the season past. Hiei reached out a hand and pushed, a gate Botan had been unaware of opening in front of him.

Botan had always thought that the Kuwabaras' house backed onto another house, that the end of their back garden adjoined the end of a neighbour's: but as she stepped through the gate behind Hiei, she found herself suddenly out in the countryside.

The sun was low over the other side of the valley, turning the rice fields nearest her into shimmering plates of gold.

"I like it here," she said.

"I know you do," Hiei replied.

Botan wondered what it would feel like to jump into one of the pools of water reflecting the sun, to fall endlessly through the warm, glowing golden light. She summoned her oar and sat onto it, turning herself around to face Hiei.

"Do you want to come with me?" she asked.

He grunted and leapt onto her oar, standing with the sort of perfect balance only he could possess, on the handle of her oar just above the blade. Botan drifting out over the fields, which fell away from her as she flew. Once she was a few stepped fields down the hillside, she turned to one side and began flying parallel to the rows of fields, letting herself slowly sink as she went, until she reached the point that her toes were dragging along the surface of the water. She looked down, so that she could enjoy watching her toes stir the golden water below: but the sight that greeted her made her slow to a complete halt.

The sun was rapidly sinking, darkness was creeping over the reflected sky below, and the reflection of Hiei, standing on her oar at her side, had changed. He was no longer wearing the tight pants she had been enjoying so much, but rather he was back in his usual, loose-fitting pants. His vest was the sort of easy-fitting shirt he usually wore, only it was torn in several places. His head was down, his face invisible, obscured in shadow.

The sound of a small droplet landing in the water below drew Botan's attention there, and she saw a single droplet of blood slowly disperse into the water. It was shortly followed by another and then another. There was a constant dripping of blood, from her oar at her side, that was slowly staining the water red.

Botan slowly lifted her eyes, her head soon following, shifting her gaze from the water to her oar, to Hiei's booted feet, slick with blood, up his legs, past tears in his pants, to his shredded vest and up to his face, still shrouded in darkness. She opened her mouth, intent on asking him if he was alright, but her voice failed her. He swayed a little before his feet slipped on her blood-slick oar and he fell into the water below.

"Hiei!" Botan screamed, grabbing desperately at the loose fabric of his pants.

His weight caught on her hold and she was jolted over, barely managing to cling to her oar with the back of her knees, her arms pulled underwater. She held onto him, but she was sinking, her face coming closer and closer to the water. She could not see Hiei beneath the water, the surface still showing a mirrored reflection of everything above, concealing everything below entirely. She balled her hands into fists as tightly as she could in a desperate bid to blindly hang onto him, but his weight was slowly, slowly dragging her down. Botan tucked her chin in, letting her forehead touch the water first instead of her nose. Her legs were starting to slip from her oar but she thought that maybe if she changed the angle she was flying at, she might be able to lever him back out with her.

Botan's oar vanished and she fell, hitting the water and sinking rapidly.

It was dark underwater, and the water was unendingly deep. There were twinkling lights, like the reflection of stars, that blinked in and out of existence all around her as she fell, but there was no sign of Hiei. She looked all around herself, finding that all she could see was darkness and the occasional twinkling star. She tried to figure out which way was up and which way was down, and when she realised she was barely moving, and every direction looked the same, she also realised that she needed to breathe, and when she tried to, she drew in water.

As she choked on the lack of air, a sense of panic set in, and she began to fight. She thrashed around and struggled and pushed with her legs and pulled with her arms, moving all around through the water until finally her head surfaced. She drew in a deep breath and fell under again, but finally she could see the surface of the water, the edge of the line between the sky and its reflection, and after a few more desperate movements of her arms, one hand surfaced and grabbed a handful of turf by the edge of the field. She gripped it tightly and hauled herself towards it, managing to grab on with her other hand and drag her head and shoulders out of the water.

Botan hung onto the edge as she caught her breath, looking about herself for any sign of Hiei, any sign of any of her other friends from the party, or even the Kuwabaras' house. When she failed locate anything she had been looking for, she reaffirmed her grip on the turf and hauled herself up out of the water, stepping up onto the ledge at the edge of one row of the field, teetering around on her toes to look back up the hill. It was the middle of the night, the sky dark but filled with stars and a brilliant full moon. She looked down at her feet, her toes at the edge of the water. She dared to poke the toes of one foot into the water, the way it rippled seeming odd somehow. She watched the ripples until they disappeared before slowly moving her foot out over the surface of the water and slowly, carefully, lowering her foot down. As her foot became submerged, Botan dared to step off the ledge with her other foot, stepping down onto solid ground, finding the water was barely any deeper than her ankles: just as it should be in a rice field.

Although it made no sound, as she watched the water by her feet, Botan saw the reflection of something dark flying over her head. She looked up, seeing a crow flying towards the top of the hillside, towards the trees beyond. Although she could not be sure why, she felt she ought to follow it, and so waded her way through the field, and stepped up to the next level, continuing in that manner until she reached the top of the hill. She had long since lost sight of the bird, but she felt sure it had flown in a straight line, and so continued her journey that way, over the brink of the hill, and down the other side through a wooded area. As the trees thinned, she found herself stepping out onto a wide grassy area that looked familiar somehow. She walked on, noticing then just how silent it was – no sound of wind, wildlife or even her own footsteps – moving over a grassy area towards a building in the centre of the open area.

The crow fluttered down to the ground to a point Botan could not quite see, but after a few more steps, she saw where it had landed. On the point it had landed, stood a lone figure, facing Botan as she approached.

"What are you doing here, Botan?"

Botan did not stop or answer the question until she was close enough to the person to make out every feature on the small face looking at her curiously and with a vague sense of amusement.

"I don't know," she admitted. "Shouldn't you be telling me that?"

The little girl, her hands behind her back, shrugged her shoulders.

"You're back here for a reason," she said.

Botan blinked, her mind going blank.

"You said it would be perfect this time."

Her ears heard her voice speaking, but her mind took a moment to register the words she had said, to acknowledge that, in fact, she felt cheated.

"The only limits here are the limits of your own imagination," the Lure casually answered her. "If your own mind can't imagine happiness for you, I can't make you feel it."

"That's exactly what you're supposed to do," Botan complained. "You lied to me."

"I didn't lie to you," the Lure disagreed. "I said I push you into your subconscious, to confront your deepest desires. How they manifest and how you experience them is down to you, not me."

"You've wronged me."

"What is it that you want, Botan?"

"You don't already know that?"

The Lure shrugged, looking up at the sky as though pondering the question.

"Seems to me like you want sex more than anything," it concluded, moving its eyes back to Botan.

Botan's mind went blank again.

"Am I wrong?" the Lure asked.

"No," Botan replied quietly.

"You've thought about it."

Botan felt nothing.

"That's what this is."

Botan shook her head.

"Shall we continue?"

Botan nodded.

"Then come closer to me."

Botan walked forward, her footsteps falling softly on the lawn, every stride taking her closer to the little girl, with arms outstretched, eyes a little rounder than seemed human, smile a little wider than seemed possible. As she neared the girl, she closed her eyes, focusing on the sound and feeling of her feet, walking along the dewy grass.

"Botan?"

Botan let out a small questioning noise.

"Botan, are you listening to me?"

Botan opened her eyes, blinking a few times to focus on the more colourful, illuminated scene she found herself looking at.

"If you don't pick one, I'll have them both for you."

Shizuru smiled at Botan upon her last remark. Botan blinked again, looking along the table at her friend, who was holding a small glass bottle in each of her hands, one pink and one yellow.

"You snooze you lose, Blue," Shizuru said, putting down the yellow bottle and sliding it along the table to Botan.

"I prefer the pink one!" Botan protested.

Shizuru smiled and cracked open the pink bottle, taking a swig from it. Botan pouted as she opened her own bottle of soda, but when she lifted the bottle to her lips, she smiled: it tasted just like the pink one she preferred. As she swallowed down the delicious drink, she looked around the table at her friends. Being in their company always gave her a sense of joy and ease that nothing else ever did, a happiness that was natural. She felt alive.

As she took another drink from the pink bottle in her hand, Botan noticed Hiei slip away from the table, somehow managing to sneak away unnoticed by anyone else present. Botan waited until he had left the room before making an excuse herself and following after him, telling herself that she just wanted to see where he was going. She caught sight of him again as she stepped outside, finding him standing in the middle of the back garden. She continued towards him until she was almost level with him, at which point it occurred to her she had no idea what she was going to say to him.

"I'm not interested in going back inside there to listen to Kuwabara make a fool of himself all night," Hiei said.

Botan slowly took a few more steps forward, stopping once she had brought herself level with Hiei.

"Unless there's some other reason you've come out here after me," he added.

Botan turned her head to look at Hiei, but he kept his head forward.

"I thought you were leaving," she told him.

"These "dinner parties" usually only go downhill after the actual dinner," he flatly replied.

"You usually always sneak off after dinner," she noted.

"Yes."

"Which is odd, because I've never actually seen you eat at one of our dinner parties."

"Hn."

"Or ever. I've never seen you eat."

Hiei finally turned his head, though only slightly, his eyes moving to look directly at Botan.

"Are you still questioning me about the human food that gets put in front of me?" he asked.

"Oh, well, I suppose you don't much care for human cuisine," she said. "Kurama once told me the food in Demon World is usually more… Raw."

For some reason, Hiei appeared to smile slightly when Botan said the word "raw".

"He said human food is too heavily prepared," she continued. "Too dry, I suppose."

"Are you asking me now if I prefer it raw and wet?"

Botan hesitated long enough to fully appreciate the way Hiei was looking at her.

"I was still talking about food," she said quietly.

"Were you?" he asked.

"Yes, I… I think I was."

"You think you were?"

"I don't know."

Botan turned to look out across the garden. The sky was black, but there were stars visible all around. Despite the conversation she had just had with Hiei, and the awareness that he was still looking at her from her side, she found herself unable to look away from the sky for some time. In all the years she had been visiting the human world – through her work and socially – she had never seen so many stars in the sky before, least of all in from the middle of a city. There were more stars, bigger stars, more clusters of stars than she had ever seen. It was such an unusual and captivating sight, it almost made her forget about Hiei entirely.

"You didn't see me out here."

"Hmm?"

Botan turned to ask Hiei why he had said what he just had, but by the time she turned her head, he had disappeared, leaving behind only a gust of air to indicate that he had moved upwards. She looked up and about herself, catching a glimpse of him as he moved over the peak of the roof of the house.

"Come back inside, Botan!" Keiko called out to her. "Shizuru has a new movie for us to watch!"

Botan watched the roof for a moment longer, partly expecting Hiei to reappear, but when he did not, she turned her attention to Keiko, smiling and jogging over to the door to join her.

"It looks good," Keiko greeted her, holding up a video case.

Botan looked down at the case in Keiko's hand. One half of the cover was half of a man's face, up close, and the remainder was white, but depicted a small image of a hand, raised in the air, with a long, gleaming black blade stabbed through the centre of the palm.

"What is that?" she asked quietly.

"It's called "Hybrid Animal Demon"," Keiko replied. "It's the sequel to "The Evil Eye"."

Botan took the case from Keiko, studying the cover more closely. The longer she looked at it, the more the half-face on the cover started to look like Hiei. She noticed his eyes were red, subtle shaping around his jawline and cheekbones were unmistakably like Hiei's.

"What's it about?" she asked. "Is it scary?"

"You can sit with me, sweetie, I'll keep you safe."

Botan looked up from the video case in her hand and found herself looking at Shizuru, already sitting on her bed, her back resting against the wall, her legs crossed in front of her. Keiko and Yukina were sitting on the floor in front of the bed, picking through an assortment of soda cans and foil packets of snacks. Botan looked about the room, wondering when she had moved from the back door to Shizuru's bedroom.

"What's this about?" she asked again.

"I don't feel in danger, Shizuru."

Botan turned to Yukina, who's remark seemed out of place, especially as she kept her head down and continued sorting through cans of soda on the floor.

"You're not, sweetie," Shizuru said. "But just… Sit here with me, okay?"

"You think I'm too fragile to be here," Yukina said.

Botan frowned, unsure if she was missing something. Although it sounded like Shizuru and Yukina were talking to each other, they were not looking at each other, and Keiko seemed entirely unaffected by their conversation.

"I'm glad that you're here, Yukina," Shizuru said. "It's important that you are. But please, just sit down here with me."

"You don't need to protect me," Yukina said.

"Well… Maybe I want you to sit here to make me feel a little safer," Shizuru replied.

"Now you're mocking me."

Yukina sounded unusually irritated and tense.

"Okay sweetie, cards on the table," Shizuru said with a sigh. "I'm getting tired, and the cold helps me stay awake."

There was a short pause before Shizuru continued.

"I need you here to keep me awake," she said. "Please, sweetie."

"Alright."

Botan hesitated, expecting Yukina to move over beside Shizuru. When she did not, when instead she remained where she was, on the floor, organising soda cans by flavour, Botan moved over to the bed, crawling onto it and taking her place at Shizuru's side.

"This is going to be weirdest film ever," Shizuru said as Botan rested her head on her shoulder.

Botan rolled her eyes up, looking up at Shizuru as she aimed the remote at the television. Shizuru did not acknowledge her though, keeping her eyes ahead. Botan eventually copied her, looking over at the television as it flickered to life: and the first clear image that appeared made Botan cling to Shizuru's shirt in alarm.

The movie was a scary one.


Next Chapter: After watching a movie that Botan feels is almost speaking to her directly, she goes back to Spirit World for another day of work. During her duties she comes across someone who has a favour to ask of her, but she's not sure she can oblige. Chapter 18: Can't Let Go