Chapter 24
She wasn't okay.
She knew she could admit at least that much now, without immediately throwing herself into a fit of denial and pretending she was doing okay.
Her breakdown in calling Rhodey had sent her best friend straight back into her life, as Rhodey spent the weekend with her, hiding away on her level of Stark Tower, ordering Chinese takeout from the place around the corner, as they watched bad nineties romcoms.
It didn't make her fears go away, nor did it take away any of the trauma of what she had faced. But at the same time, she knew she had Rhodey in her corner still. Even if it felt like everyone else was leaving her.
But like everyone else, he had to leave too.
She sighed to herself as she heard JARVIS count aloud to her, as the injection pierced her skin.
The move to Malibu was temporary. A little sabbatical to get her away from the city that had nearly fallen to pieces a year ago. Where every step outside was a reminder that she almost hadn't been enough.
That if she wasn't fast enough the entire city would have been decimated.
"Miss, please," JARVIS said, as she picked the device back up. "May I request just a few hours to calibrate."
"No," she said, cutting him off.
She hadn't been fast enough in the past. The suit took too long to assemble. Too long to get to her.
But that would not be a problem for much longer.
"Forty-eight," she exhaled, as she injected herself again, before wincing. She picked up a stray napkin and wiped the blood away. "Micro-repeater implanting sequence complete."
JARVIS sighed and she looked up at her AI.
"As you wish, Ma-am. I've also prepared a safety briefing for you to entirely ignore," her son all but rolled his eyes at her.
"When have I ever followed the rules, J?" she grinned.
She looked up as DUM-E sadly swept the broom back and forth, with a 'DUNCE' cap on its head.
"DUM-E," she said softly, "What are you doing round in the corner? You know what you did. You got blood on my mat. Wipe it up, please."
DUM-E looked like it was pouting at her, and she patted him on the arm slightly. "I still love you baby. But you cannot go around making a mess of my lab."
"Miss, you've been up for seventy-two hours," JARVIS chided her lightly as she stood in front of her suits.
She looked at one of J's cameras, "Good evening, Darlings. I'm pleased to announce the arrival of your new, bouncing, bad-ass baby brother. Mark 42, autonomous prehensile propulsion suit test. Initialize sequence. JARVIS, play me some music."
She raised her hands slightly, to dance, as the Christmas Carols played over her speakers. And once the melody began to play, she thrust her arms out, trying to beckon the suit to her.
She sighed when nothing happened.
"Crap," she swore, slightly disappointed. She hit the implants in her, trying to activate it, as she placed her hand out once more.
And to her utter joy and surprise, the left-arm piece came over instantly. Followed by the left.
She giggled in pleasure.
"Alright, I think we got this. Send them all," she all but squealed. If Ava had been here, she would have loved this.
The rest of the suit came over rather quickly, knocking her back in surprise as part after part attached themselves to her.
"Slow it down a bit, J," She said, slightly out of breath, as she dodged a piece trying to hit her on the head. "Cool it, Baby."
She stared back at her face plate, the last remaining part to attach itself to her.
"Come on," she cooed her suit. "Come to Mommy."
The faceplate flew onto her face, as her screen lit up in front of her. She let out a happy laugh, pleased that it had worked. Especially given her lack of sleep, she knew things could have gone very wrong, and it was what JARVIs had tried to warn her about. Not that she'd ever been all that good at listening to others about safety precautions. Especially pertaining to herself.
"I'm the best," she beamed, as she stood in position, before a rogue piece of her suit came from behind her and knocked her to the ground.
"As always, Miss, a great pleasure watching you work," JARVIS said, sounding very unimpressed with her.
"Hush you," she said without any heat, as she stood back up again. "This was nothing but a setback really."
She winced, limping to the couch as she had J turn the tv on.
And boy did she regret that.
Because that's when he happened.
She watched in horror as the man on the screen had a series of people executed, before footage after footage of destruction played for her.
"Some people call me a terrorist, I consider myself a teacher," the American sounding man said. "America, ready for another lesson. In 1864 in Sand Creek Colorado the U.S. military waited till the friendly Cheyenne braves all gone hunting, waited to attack and slaughter their families left behind, and claim their land. Thirty-nine hours ago, the Ali Al Salem Air Base in Kuwait was attacked. I did that. A quaint military church filled with wives and children, of course. The soldiers were out on maneuver, the braves were away. President Ellis you continue to resist my attempts to educate you, sir. And now, you've missed me again. You know who I am, you don't know where I am, and you'll never see me coming."
She struggled to calm her breathing, furious at the murder and death on the screen, wanting to stand up immediately, grab her suit and charge after the man in the video. The man who callously took credit for murdering a village of women and children, just because they could.
But she didn't even know his name. Not his real one anyways.
Nor did she know where he was, or what he wanted.
But she knew who would.
"JARVIS, begin facial recognition on the man," she told her AI. "I want him found immediately. I don't care what I'm doing when you get the results. But you bring this to me as soon as you can."
"Yes Miss," J said, and she grabbed her suit.
She had a Rhodey to go find.
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"It tested well with the focus groups okay?" Rhodey said, trying to defend the horrible paint job the military had given her suit.
"I am Iron Patriot," she said, rolling her eyes at her friend, as she sat back and ate a fry.
"War Machine was too aggressive apparently," Rhodey told her gently. "This sends a better message."
"So what's really going on?" she said, bringing up what she had brought him here to talk about. "With Mandarin.
"It's classified, Toni," Rhodey chided her lightly. She gave him an innocent look and she sighed. "There have been nine bombings."
"Nine," she repeated, sounding shocked.
"The public only knows about three. Here's the thing, nobody can ID a device. There's no bomb casings."
"You know I can help," she told him. "No one knows bombs better than I do. I got a lot of new tech, a prehensile. A new bomb disposal that catches explosions mid-air."
After New York she wanted to be prepared for anything and everything.
"When was the last time you got a good night's sleep?" he raised a brow at her. "Don't give me that look. It's barely been a month since you had a break down and called me. And you don't look much better off. Toni. You know you can talk to me right? Even when I'm away? You can always just call me to talk."
"Einstein slept only three hours a year," she said, stealing one of his fries. "Look what he did."
"You're not Einstein," he told her softly. "No one wants you to run yourself ragged just so you can bring new innovations to the world. You already do so much, Baby Girl. People who love you are concerned. I'm concerned. Ava and Harry are concerned. Pepper and Happy are concerned. I know you've convinced yourself that everyone's left you. But your family is still right here, and always will be here. Even if we're not with you in person."
"You're gonna come at me like that?" she asked, throat closing slightly, not knowing what to say.
"We're here for you, sweetheart," he said, taking her hand in his. "Even if you're a pain in my…side"
He caught himself as two kids approached the table and she snickered at him.
"Do you mind signing my drawing?" she asked, and Toni grinned as she looked down at the girl's iron man picture.
"Wow, you did a good job," she said, looking to the girl for her name.
"Erin," she supplied shyly, and Toni signed the picture carefully.
"Toni, the Pentagon is scared," Rhodey said to her in a low voice. "After what happened in New York... aliens, come on. They need to look strong. Stopping the Mandarin is priority, but it's not-"
"It's not superhero business," she said with a simple shrug. "I got it."
"It's not," he shook his head, "It's American business."
"That's why I said I got it," she said, before freezing as the crayon broke in her hands.
"Are you okay?" Rhodey asked her, as their words began to grow distant. "Take it easy."
"How did you get out of the wormhole?" the boy asked her, looking curious, but in that moment, all she felt was panic.
"I'm sorry, I need to go," she said, standing as she ran out of the restaurant.
"Toni," Rhodey called out for her, as she ran towards her suit. "Toni, wait."
She stepped into her suit, as she struggled to breath.
Was this what a heart attack felt like?
"Check the heart," she demanded. "Is it my brain?"
"No sign of cardiac anomaly or unusual brain activity," JARVIS told her softly. "Miss, I believe you are suffering from a severe anxiety."
She looked at the body scan JARVIS pulled up of her and sighed.
Of course she was.
Einstein, now everyone was going to think she was crazy.
"Baby Girl," Rhodey said softly, despite everyone looking at them, "Are you okay?"
"I don't know," she gasped out.
"How about you and I go somewhere private?" he asked her gently. "We'll talk about it, okay? Let's get away from all these people and go somewhere; just the two of us."
"Okay," she said, as she stood up carefully. "Okay."
"Mind giving me a ride?" he asked her, not wanting to encroach on her space. She nodded and he wrapped his arms around her waist as she shot straight upwards, flying them back to her house.
The ride back was quick and quiet, with Rhodey not wanting to yell over the sound of their flying and her not wanting to speak. Honestly, if it weren't for JARVIS doing half the piloting, she wasn't even sure she'd be able to fly right now.
When she landed, Rhodey stepped out of her arms, and the suit disengaged from her body.
"Are you okay?" Rhodey asked her gently, cupping her face.
"I don't know why I panicked like that," she sniffled lightly. "It was like I was back in outer space, and I couldn't breathe again. It was so cold up there Rhodey. So alone and afraid. And when the crayon broke, I just snapped. I felt like I was still up there, and like I was going to die."
"You have PTSD, Toni," Rhodey said, as he led her to her sofa. She sat down, and he wrapped a blanket around her. He took her hands in his and she looked at him.
"Why does everyone keep saying that?" she scoffed. "I'm a superhero. Superheroes can't get PTSD. That's not how it works."
"Because the things you do aren't remotely stressful at all," Rhodey deadpanned. "Toni, soldiers get PTSD all the time. Cops get PTSD. Firefighters get it, and doctors can get it. What's to say that Iron Woman can't also get PTSD?"
"Because I'm supposed to be stronger than that," she said looking down. "I'm supposed to be able to get through things like that. I'm a Stark."
"But you're also human," he told her. "And there's nothing wrong with that, Darling. You're not alone. You have so many people in your life who love you, and we'll get through this together. You and I, Toni."
"You and I," she repeated, trying to calm her breathing.
"I'm not going anywhere," he told her, as she leaned against him. "J, can you cue up She's All That?"
"Right away, Colonel," JARVIS said. He wrapped an arm around her, and she let out a content sigh.
As the movie played out on the screen in front of her, she felt her eyes slowly close.
And for the first time in months, she felt safe enough to sleep.
Happy's call woke her up a few hours later. She was still resting against Rhodey, so she carefully extracted herself from his arms as she moved into the workshop to take the call.
"Happy?" she said, as she nearly laughed while seeing Happy's forehead. "Lower the tablet slightly so I can see your face. What's wrong?"
He sighed at the other end, "I take this job very seriously, Toni, you know that. Just because you went and got yourself a fancy suit and don't need me anymore."
"I'll always need you," she told him firmly, "You're family, Happy. But I do understand why you wanted a change of scenery. Tell me you're not calling about that. We've discussed this, if you think Stark Industries is where you can make the biggest impact, then I'm more than happy to support you."
"I know, Toni," he told her gently. "I think something is wrong here. It's about Pepper. Alright, so she's meeting up with this scientist. Rich guy, handsome. I couldn't make his face at first, right? You know I'm good with faces."
"Of course," she said immediately, as she paced around her workshop, "You're the best."
"Yeah. Well, so I run his credentials, I make him Aldrich Killian. We actually met the guy back in, where were we in '99? The science conference?"
"Bern?" she asked, seeming a bit confused what that had to do with anything. It wasn't a night she'd particularly remembered very well, once of those boring conferences where she'd had too many to drink to numb the fact that everyone was looking like her like they didn't quite believe she belonged.
Even though she'd been proving them wrong for decades.
"Right, right, exactly," Happy said quickly.
"Killian? No, I don't remember that guy," she shook her head.
"Of course you don't. He's not a big bottle of whiskey. At first it was fine, they were talking business, but now it's like getting weird. He's showing her his big brain," Happy said, sounding weirded out.
She nearly laughed, "I'm sorry, what?"
"Big brain, and she likes it. Here, let me show you. Hold on. See?" He said, holding the StarkPad up, only for her to continue to see his face.
"Hap, we talked about this," she said gently, "You need to flip the screen for me to be able to see what's on the other side."
"I'm not a tech genius like you. Just, just trust me, get down here," Happy said frantically.
"Happy, breathe," she said in a calm voice, "Click the little icon that looks like a camera with two arrows in a circle. It'll flip it around so I can see what you're seeing."
"I don't see it," Happy said, bring it closer to his face. "Oh I found it!"
He turned it around then, and she looked on in amazement as the brain filled her screen.
"Oh wow," she breathed out.
"Now you see why I'm so worried!" Happy said quickly, "I don't trust this guy. He's got another guy with him, he's shifty."
"Relax, Happy," she said, trying to calm him down as she pulled up a bio for Aldrich Killian.
"Seriously, Toni?" he asked, incredulously.
"I'm just asking you to secure the perimeter. Tell him to go out for a drink or something?" Toni said, trying to calm Happy down.
"You know what? You should take more of an interest in what's going on here. This woman, your COO, is one of the best things to have ever happened to this company. Why isn't he bringing this to you, and why to her? I don't trust this at all."
"People have to go through several levels to get a meeting with me, Happy, you know that," Toni told him carefully. "Pepper vets these things first to see if it's something work Stark Industries time. You need to as well."
"I do trust her!" Happy said defensively, "She's the best thing ever to happen to this company."
"She is," Toni said with a nod, "So a giant brain."
"Yeah, there's a giant brain, there's a shifty character. I'm gonna follow this guy. I'm gonna run his plates and if it gets rough, so be it," Happy said, sounding antsy.
"I miss you," she said with a slight laugh. "I'll come in if you think I should. It still is my company and if you, my Head of Security, think I need to come in and see what's happening, then I will."
"Yeah, I miss you too. But the way it used to be. Now you're off with the super friends, I don't know what's going on with you anymore. The world's getting weird, Toni."
"I know," she said softly, "I haven't been around as much as I should be. And I'm sorry you and Pepper have had to pick up as much of the slack as you've been doing for me. So do you want me to come in?"
"No," Happy breathed out slightly. "I got this handled. I just wanted you to be appraised of the situation."
"Thanks, Hap," she said softly, "I trust you."
Happy nodded and hung up the call then, and she let out a sigh. She really was letting down everyone in her life wasn't she?
"Toni?" Rhodey said, as he entered her lab. "I ordered us a pizza. You should come up and eat something before you try and do anything else today."
She laughed slightly to herself.
"I'll be right up," she said, dropping the tablet, as she moved to make her way up the stairs. And all thoughts of Aldrich Killian left her mind.
The space around her was growing cold as she saw the hole beneath her close. She shivered as her mask began to crack, and suddenly she was falling.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Please.
She just wanted someone to catch her.
She was going to die.
"Toni!" she heard a voice scream, and she woke up to see Pepper trying to shake her awake, before she saw her suit try and pull her away.
"Stop!" she shouted at her suit, "Power down."
Pepper looked startled, as she turned to her, "What was that? Why was your suit coming to you like that?"
"I calibrated it," she whispered, "So that it would always catch me, even when I was falling."
"Oh Toni," Pepper said gently, climbing into the bed with her. She leaned against her friend.
She knew Rhodey had to step out for a few days and that he'd asked Pepper to spend time with her.
She knew her family was worried that she was rattling away in her house, and even if she said she was fine, they refused to believe her.
"I'm okay," Toni said softly.
"No, you're not," Pepper told her gently. "And that's okay. You don't need to always be okay, Toni."
"I'm a hot mess," she gave a watery laughed. "Nothing's been the same since New York. You experience things and then they're over and you still can't explain 'em. Gods, aliens, other dimensions. I...I'm just a girl in a can. I don't know if I'm enough."
"You are Toni Stark," Pepper said, "You are the strongest woman I know. You were CEO of your company at twenty-one. You've revolutionized the world of modern technology. You took your father's weapons company and turned us into a multi-billion-dollar global company. You are by far the smartest, bravest, and kindest person I know. And you most certainly are enough."
"I'm scared, Pepper," Toni whispered. "I'm scared that something out there is coming. And I'm scared that when it does come, that nothing I do will be enough to save us all from it."
"Let it," Pepper said calmly. "Because when it does, I'll be right here beside you. And whatever happens, I know you would have given it your best shot. I don't trust a single person more in this world to do everything in their power to try and save us. So if we fall, then we fall together. But don't think for even a single second that it would have been your fault."
Toni tried to steady her breathing, as Pepper stroked her hair gently, "Sleep Toni. I'll be here to keep you safe. And if the nightmares get too bad, then we'll have JARVIS play movies for us all night long. But either way, I'm not going anywhere."
She closed her eyes again, as she listened to the sounds of Pepper's breathing, and closed her eyes. She was still so shaken from everything that had happened, but she knew that she was safe, and that at least for now, nothing could hurt her.
The call came in later that night, and Pepper drove her to the hospital, given her own shaky state.
She was furious. She should have listened more to what Rhodey had been saying about the Mandarin. Should have pushed for more information and gotten him to tell her everything he knew, even if he didn't think she needed to know.
Because now she was sitting in the hospital room watching a video of the Mandarin take credit for the attack that left Happy in the hospital, attached to so many wires and cables.
Pepper had left her alone for a moment, going to grab them both a cup of coffee, and she was grateful for the few moments of silence.
"Mind leaving that on?" she asked the nurse, startling her as she went to turn off the TV. She stood then, as the nurse looked at her confused.
"Sunday night's PBS 'Downtown Abbey'. That's his show, he thinks it's elegant," she paused, trying to calm herself.
The nurse gave her a sympathetic smile and she kept speaking, "One more thing, make sure everyone wears their badges. He's a stickler for that sort of thing, plus my guys won't let anyone in without them."
She turned then to leave the hospital room, wanting to go call Rhodey. If anyone knew what was happening, it would be him.
She stepped out of the hospital, sunglasses down, as the reporters crowded her space, and she felt anger fuming through her.
The world wanted to hear what she thought, and all she wanted was privacy. She wanted Happy to be home and safe. She wanted the Mandarin never to have shown his face in the first place, because he was going to regret it.
She wanted justice.
"Ms Stark!" A reporter yelled out, "Ms Stark. Our sources are telling us that this is another Mandarin attack. Anything else you can tell us?"
"No comment," she said firmly as she moved towards her car.
"Hey, Ms Stark," a tabloid reporter holding a phone up to her face asked. "When is somebody gonna kill this guy? Just sayin'."
Is that what they thought of her?
Murderer?
Turns out being a superhero wasn't enough to wipe off all the blood from her ledger.
"Is that what you want?" she asked, growing angry. "Here's a little holiday greeting I've been waiting to send to the Mandarin. I just didn't know how to phrase it until now. My name is Toni Stark and I'm not afraid of you. I know you're a coward, so I've decided that you just died, pal. I'm gonna come get the body. You hurt someone very important to me, and now you've made this personal. Did you think I don't know why you attacked that theatre? There's no politics here; it's just good old-fashioned revenge. There's no Pentagon; it's just you and me. And on the off-chance you're a man, here's my home address: 10880, Malibu Port, 90265. I'll leave the door unlocked."
She turned back to the reporter, giving him one of her most deadly glares. "That's what you wanted right? To hear me say I'm going to have him killed? Well you got it."
She grabbed his phone and dropped it to the ground, crushing it one of her heels, as she sat down in her car and drove away.
She had a terrorist to catch.
