Author's Note: Here's an early update to make up for the fact that I'm gonna disappear for NaNoWriMo next month. Enjoy!
After the divorce was settled, Anna spent the next several hours showing her guests around Portland – and in doing so, finding several locations she had never taken the time to explore herself. They grabbed sushi, along with a tempura plate, at a small Japanese restaurant near the Park blocks. Tiana was unimpressed with the food, but the other two women loved it, their palates substantially less complicated. At Anna's mentioning of it, Elsa demanded that they all go to the art museum. How could I say no to her?
Elsa seemed enamored by some of the artwork. Anna greatly appreciated the realist paintings, and some of the historical pieces, but Elsa seemed to even enjoy the modern abstract works that made no sense to the younger woman. Elsa went on for a while, explaining the interesting brushwork of this piece or that, and how it offered such a deep insight into the mind of the artist. Am I just too dumb, or is she really overthinking it? "Where did you learn all of this?" Anna asked. I mean, someone has to tell you that, right?
"I had to take a class that focused heavily on art history my freshman year at Stanford. I have to admit, I found it mind-numbingly boring, but it kind of stuck with me, and I took another art course my senior year as an elective, and it really resonated with me. Now, obviously it's nothing I'd want to pursue, the law has always been my first love –" both Tiana and Anna glared at her at this, though Elsa was too enamored in her lecture to notice, "but it's just fascinating. Plus New York has a lot of great art museums. Anya took me to one on a date once and it really reminded me of why it meant so much to me back in college, so I try to at least take a look whenever the opportunity presents itself. Thank you, by the way, Anna. It had completely slipped my mind to check for one in Portland. It's wonderful."
Maybe this isn't that boring after all. "Wait, who's Anya?"
Elsa's eyes turned away from the artwork for the first time since they'd entered the museum, settling on the floor. "I keep forgetting that you still know so little about my life," she said, her voice heavy with regret. "I'm sorry I pushed you away for so long."
"It's okay." Now that I think I understand why, how could I possibly hold it against you? You were just trying to protect me from you. You don't need to be scared Elsa. "I'm here now, why don't you tell me about her? At least she has an awesome name."
"Anastasia? It's a fairly interesting name, I guess. Especially for a Romanov, though she insists there's no relation there." Elsa glanced back towards the century old Russian paintings that had been the first example of comprehensible artwork Anna had seen since they entered the place. Does she really not get the joke? It's practically my name, hell her full name is even closer. Is that why Elsa liked her? I wonder if she looks like me too? "She's my best friend. I've known her since law school. We were the same year, and even lived together for most of our time there, and were still dating when we both started at Gaston, Philip, and de Ville. She runs her own law firm now, and until recently there was some bad blood over that. If you ever come visit you'll have to meet her. Maybe even her girlfriend too – I suppose she is growing on me," she explained, adding"like mold" under her breath.
"Wow," Anna sighed. "So you've known her for ten years and never mentioned her to me?" She hid so much of herself! Is it really all just because of her feelings for me? I don't even know why I'm so convinced they're real, but why else would she hide that she's gay from me for so long, other than to prevent any such possibility with me?
"Yeah." Elsa let out a low breath, before turning her gaze back to the abstract art before them. "I'm sorry."
No, she's come all this way, she's been here for me, I'm not going to lash out at her for this. She wrapped her arms around Elsa, hugging her from behind. "You've apologized enough. I know that you were dealing with your own stuff. I understand. You're here now and that's what matters."
Elsa leaned back against her, her hands resting on Anna's. "How about we just check out the rest of this museum, then I'll go buy those rounds I owe you." Her voice sounded brighter than it had a moment ago, but Anna felt like it was still touched by something in the neighborhood of guilt.
"All right. Continue with your lecture, professor." That sounds a lot less ironic coming from a teacher, doesn't it?
Elsa led them on a tour through the rest of the museum. On the second floor, they found several more pieces of art that were far more to Anna's taste than the works on the first floor had been. There was even an interesting piece of Joan of Arc that reminded her of the print their mother had had in the upstairs hallway. "Wow." Anna's breath caught as she stared at the piece. "I haven't thought of that in so long. I can't even recall the last time I thought of home at all."
Elsa followed her eyes and started when she saw the painting. "Oh," she breathed. "It looks so similar. I don't think it's the same artist, but just wow. Do you know if we still have it? I don't even remember what we did with most of their stuff. I hope we didn't sell it with the house."
Anna shook her head. "I have no idea. I haven't seen it. Maybe it's in the attic somewhere. I know I still have a lot of their old stuff up there. I just never really took the time to go through it."
"We should. How about tomorrow? Wait – I'm babysitting then – the day after? Just you and me. We'll look through all of the old stuff and reminisce about the good old days."
"The good old days?" Anna stared at Elsa. "I miss growing up with you, but it's not like our parents were really around much more before they died." It was you that it hurt to lose. You were the one that always looked after me, not them.
"Don't say that," Elsa said, her eyes tearing up as they met Anna's. "They were busy with work a lot, but they always tried to do their best for us. They loved us, and they spoiled us rotten to try to make up for their absence. I would have certainly loved it if they'd been home more, but are you really going to say that you don't devote yourself to work like they did? I've worked seventy hour weeks for the last seven years, and I've loved it. They were the same way. They moved to the US so they could pursue their dreams and give us a better life, and I couldn't begrudge them for that if I tried."
Tiana backed away, giving the two sisters their space.
"I don't do that. I pick up Olaf every day by 3:30. I devote so much time to him." Right, which is why he's at Nani's right now, and you've been running out almost every day of late to avoid being around Kristoff. You sure do devote your time to your son. "I'm not like our parents."
"Anna." Elsa took a step towards her, her hand hesitantly reaching out until it rested on Anna's cheek. "Our parents loved you. I'm sure they wished they had more time to spend with us, but they did the best they could." Her lips curved into a pained smile. "Though I guess I'll admit, not making time for each other may run in the family."
Blinking back tears, Anna nodded. They abandoned me, and then you did too. No matter how good your excuses were. "It still hurt."
"I know." Elsa pulled her into a hug and the dam broke as tears ran freely onto Elsa's shoulder.
"Promise me you won't disappear again."
Her voice sounding startled and more than a little hurt, Elsa said "I promise."
I need to confront her on why she left. I need to let her know that I understand – that she doesn't have to be afraid. She continued to sob, unmoving, comforting herself with her sister's presence. "I love you, Elsa." But in what way?
"I love you too, Anna." Elsa kissed her forehead and slowly released her. "How about we go clean ourselves up and check out the last few pieces, then we can go grab that drink?"
"'Those drinks' you mean," Anna retorted, her good mood gradually returning. I am a free woman after all. Free to do whatever – or whomever – I want. Free to date Moana or – anyone. What do I have to be sad about? It's just some silly childhood stuff that I should be over by now. For God's sake Anna, you're thirty.
The newly restored Agnarrsen sisters wiped their tears and washed their faces and then examined the rest of the art. Elsa seemed enchanted by it, and Anna was spellbound by Elsa's enchantment. Elsa's eyes lit up as she described the last piece, and Anna was sad to leave the museum and lose the new light it had given her sister. She did however, really want those drinks.
Tiana and Anna threw themselves into a corner booth at a bar not far from the museum, while Elsa fetched them drinks. "So, I have to know, how did you two meet?" Anna asked. "She's never told me anything."
"That's kind of a funny story, actually." Tiana leaned back in her seat, her eyes scanning the dimly lit room. "It was about five years ago."
"And you got together then?" Anna asked, drawing Tiana's eyes back to hers.
"No, not for a while." Tiana smiled, her index finger absentmindedly tapping on her other hand. "Do you want the how we got together story or the how we met story?"
"Both, please." Anna grinned. Finally I get to actually learn something about Elsa. Even now she's all closed off to me. I just want to be part of her life.
"All right, well the meeting was nothing all that exciting, and Elsa would probably tell it better herself, but I'll do the best I can. It was back when I was pretty newly famous. I'd just managed to start my third restaurant and had a guest spot on a cooking show that went pretty well. I was doing some absurdly expensive catering, mostly celebrity parties and the like, to keep getting my name out there, and Mr. Philip, from Elsa's law firm, contacted me. Well, that is it to say his secretary contacted me of course – from what Elsa's said I doubt he can even use a phone himself. When I was mingling a bit, this tall, skinny blonde, in an almost tackily lowcut red dress caught my eye. If I'm being honest, I was smitten right then. She managed to look classy and refined even while spilling out of that thing. She seemed to be avoiding everyone else. I know the story there, but to be frank you'll have to get it from her, I know she's not big on opening up about that stuff." Don't I know it. "She was alone in a corner, eating one of my beignets over a napkin and trying not to cover herself in powdered sugar. It would've been adorable if she didn't look so lonely."
"And what, you bought her a drink?"
Tiana flushed as a light snicker escaped her lips. "Yeah, actually. It was an open bar, and I was catering, so I suppose the firm bought it for her, but I grabbed two glasses of champagne and walked over to her. We talked almost that entire night. I think we bonded over our mutual ambitions more than anything. We had both come so far, but neither of us were satisfied. We wanted the world, and all we had were large slices of it."
"What's this about us conquering the world?" Elsa asked, as she sat next to Tiana and placed the three cocktails on the table before resting her hand on Tiana's thigh. "I can't believe you're spilling our evil plots. Anna, will you keep it a secret if we buy you off with Australia?"
Anna giggled, blushing a deep scarlet. Get a hold of yourself! That wasn't even flirting. "Only if you include New Zealand."
"You drive a hard bargain," Elsa replied. "But it's a deal. Okay, really, what were you talking about? All I heard was the last sentence."
"How we met," Tiana answered.
"Oh, you mean when I was desperately trying to avoid Anastasia after she'd just dumped me the day before and you took my mind off of it by going on about how you wanted to be a world famous chef? That was fun."
"That would be the time, yes. Now would you like to explain how you ended up asking me out?" Tiana asked, her eyes twinkling mischievously as she smirked at her girlfriend.
"Oh, is that how it happened?" Elsa retorted. "And here I was thinking you practically begged me to date you."
"Oh, did I now?" Their playful glares were only diminished by their proximity causing their noses to almost touch.
"You did. We'd known each other for a couple years at that point, and we talked occasionally, and you said that you felt like things could get serious with us."
"And I then stated that I thought that was a bad idea because I was barely ever even in the city, and couldn't offer you anything stable. When did my begging come in?"
"Oh, I must have misunderstood what you meant, because of where your hand was when you said it. Easy mistake."
"Elsa!" Tiana laughed as she playfully smacked her shoulder. "Are you really gonna say that in front of your sister? You'll ruin my chances with her." She stuck her tongue out at her partner, taunting her.
"Well far be it from me to keep you from consummating your undying desire for my little sister."
"You know I have a weakness for redheads. Not that you're one to talk there," Tiana replied. Wait, what? "And Anna is just so cute." Why does Tiana keep flirting with me? I am interpreting that right, right? I mean she's not just being nice. Did Elsa put her up to this? Is she trying to make me feel better? Wait - are they poly? Does Elsa want me to be part of their couple? Well I guess it wouldn't be a couple. A triple? No, that sounds dumb. A three - a threesome! Wait, that's a different thing. I don't think they want me for a threesome - do they?
Both sets of eyes were on Anna. She blinked. Crap, I wasn't listening. What did they say? "Um, yes?" she offered hesitantly. Did I just agree to sleep with Tiana?
"Ha," Tiana spat victoriously. "Even Anna agrees, you're the one that asked me out. I just said how things were, you're the one that insisted we should do something about it."
"In what world is telling someone that you have feelings for them not asking them out? Anna, you're really siding with her?" Elsa pouted teasingly, her lower lip protruding slightly, before her mouth split open in a hearty laugh. "Christ, Anna, the expression on your face. It's fine, we're just ribbing you. Drink your rum runner. I'm gonna go grab us another round. Same thing?" She looked from Anna to Tiana, confirming their drink orders.
Once Elsa was off to fetch a white Russian, black Russian, and a screwdriver, Tiana reached across the table to rest her hand lightly on top of Anna's. "Are you sure you're all right, hun?" she asked. "You look like something's bothering you. I hope it's not my flirting, I can tone it down, I'm not after anything I swear. Normally I'd excuse it as just being Southern, but I do actually have a thing for redheads."
Anna's complexion matched her hair. So is she actually serious then? Are they really trying for a threesome? She coughed before chugging her drink to buy time to reply. She set it down with a large sigh and managed "it's fine" in a high pitched squeak. "I don't mind. Flirting is fun." And it has definitely never landed me in a fifteen year marriage with a man I never even realized I wasn't attracted to. "There's just a lot on my mind. I'm glad it's finally done, but the divorce still left me with some complicated emotions."
"Well let's get some more alcohol in you to kill those feelings," Tiana offered. "From what I've seen, it is the Agnarrsen way."
"It's nice to be one again."
Tiana blinked. "It's nice to be what?"
"An Agnarrsen. I hated having to be called my married name for ages, way before I even realized I wanted to leave him. It just feels good to have my old name back."
Tiana squeezed Anna's hand gently. "There's a lot of meaning in a name. I think even if Elsa ever was up for marrying me, I'd still want to keep my name. Though I suppose that doesn't necessarily say much, it's part of my brand, I can't exactly drop it. I think Tiana Agnarrsen would get a lot less business than Tiana Rose."
"You two are thinking about getting married?" Anna asked, barely managing to keep the surprise out of her voice. See, Anna? She's gonna spend her life with Tiana, she's not trying to end up with you.
Tiana stared into her drink, swirling the straw of the Long Island iced tea. "I want it. She's never really seemed up for talking about it. I know she's not a big believer in marriage, and I'm fine with just being girlfriends, but I didn't realize she was as against it as she seems to be."
"Who's against marriage?" This time Anna couldn't keep the shock out of her tone. Like with anyone? "All I ever wanted was to get married!"
"And how'd that work out for you?" Tiana replied, her voice surprisingly cold. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Well, maybe I did, but it was still mean. I'm sorry, it's just kind of a sore topic. I think that's a big part of why Elsa doesn't believe in it though. She's worked too many divorces to respect the institution."
Anna swallowed, nodding slowly. "No, you're right. She's right. Marriage wasn't what I thought it would be. I just always saw it as a happily ever after. Maybe I watched too many Disney movies and rom coms growing up. I know it's not like that in the real world – or at least I should."
Tiana went around the table to Anna's side, pulling her into a hug. I'm getting a lot of hugs today. "It's okay. I think most women feel like that. It was never a big priority for me, that was always work, but I still assumed it was part of my end goal."
Glasses clinked on the table as Elsa sat them down. "Wow, I'm gone for five minutes and you already made a move on my sister."
"It's not like that!" Anna squeaked, her eyes wide as she looked up at her older sister, her hands held in the air, demonstrating that they were clearly not touching Tiana. Wait, who's she jealous of?
Elsa laughed as she sat down across from them. "Relax, Anna. I was just kidding."
"Oh. I didn't really know you did that." Wow, I really don't know Elsa at all. She always seemed so serious to me."
"It's not like it's something I do that much. Just with people I'm really comfortable with." Ouch. She pinched the bridge of her nose and scrunched her eyes. "Shit, Anna. I am comfortable with you, it's why I'm joking with you now, it's just been a while. I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Anna said, Tiana still hugging her. "I know what you meant."
"Shh, you two, you're ruining the moment," Tiana remarked.
What do I do?! Before Anna had a chance to make that decision, another glass clinked on the table. "Hey there," a voice said. Anna couldn't quite make out the speaker past Tiana's head. She craned her neck in an attempt to gain a better vantage. Short black hair being brushed away from a green eye and a pale cheek was all that that she could manage to find without pushing Tiana off of her. "You looked so lonely being the third wheel, so I figured I'd take the opportunity to buy this drink," the voice continued, seeming to lose confidence with each word as Elsa stared back at her.
Before the girl had the chance to lose the last of her courage, Elsa gained a wicked smile and grabbed her hand. "Thank you for saving me from that. These two have been incorrigible all night. I'm Elsa," she brought the hand to her lips, causing Tiana to finally stir from her over-long hug.
"I'm Cassandra," the woman offered, her cheeks coloring as Elsa's eyes lingered on hers.
"Now wait just a minute!" Tiana exclaimed, placing her hand possessively on Elsa.
"You've moved on," Elsa chided, "it's only fair that we do the same."
"Oh, is this your ex?" Cassandra asked.
What is even going on? Tiana glared at the interloper. "I am not her ex! I'm her girlfriend."
"Then why are you all over that other girl instead of giving her the attention she deserves?" Cassandra asked, eyeing Elsa lasciviously.
Tiana rose from her seat and pulled Elsa to her chest, holding her. "I was just trying to get her sister all flustered." Is that all that was? Really?
"Really?" Cassandra sneered. "Going that far with your girlfriend's sister just to mess with her? That's beyond creepy, verging on incest. Elsa, you sure you're okay with her? I'll leave you alone if you're taken, but that doesn't sound that healthy."
Elsa smirked. So she was just jealous that Tiana wasn't paying attention to her? It wasn't about me? "I appreciate the offer, haven't had one in a while, but I'm sure. I'm pretty head over heels for this girl, even if she gets a little carried away when she finds out she can make someone blush."
Anna's face heated at the reminder. She really was just messing with me. "Thanks for the rescue, though. I'm not sure what I would've done if she kept going."
"Well at least I got to save one damsel in distress." She sighed. "You crazy people have a good night. Try not to have a threesome with your sister, Blondie." Is that an option?
"What?" Elsa stared after Cassandra as she walked back to her table. "Okay, Tiana, you need to tone it down some if we're getting that kind of response. That's just creepy." Oh, so sleeping with me would be creepy, huh? I'll have you know Esmeralda said I was good in bed!
"Right," Anna agreed. "That would just be weird."
Tiana looked between the sisters. Was she actually considering it? Maybe I shouldn't have dismissed it so quickly. "Was I really coming on that strong? I mean, Anna is ridiculously cute, but it's just so fun having someone get that flustered. You never get flustered, Elsa."
Elsa's teeth showed. "Maybe we'll see how flustered I can get you later."
"I'd rather get you flustered. Far more fun to see you squirm."
"How about I go get another round," Anna offered. I've heard more than enough.
"We've barely touched this round, but I said I'm buying. How about I just get us three rounds of shots? Then we can get out of here before that girl tries to cause another scene." Elsa left for the bar, leaving Tiana and Anna alone again.
Tiana met Anna's gaze, who promptly tried to avoid it. "I'm sorry. I got a little carried away. Elsa brings out the jokester in me, and I wasn't thinking how I may be making you feel. You look so uncomfortable; I wasn't paying any attention. Please forgive me?" She reached out hesitantly before drawing her hands back.
Anna nodded and returned her gaze. "It's okay. I was definitely a bit weirded out." And maybe a bit turned on. "But I just really wasn't sure what you were trying for. For a second there I actually thought you might have been doing what that woman just said – I mean the threesome part, not like dating me." Wait, that's worse. I did not just say that!
Tiana's mouth dropped open. "Oh, wow, I was coming on way stronger than I thought I was. You just have such cute reactions. I think you even squeaked earlier!"
Fixing her with an indignant expression, Anna replied "I did not!"
"Whatever you say. Either way, I'm sorry. I wanted to make a good impression with you and instead I did this."
"It's okay." Anna insisted, patting Tiana's hand across the table. "I can't say I minded the attention. I mean how could I not flirt with THE Tiana Rose. I was just really confused by it."
"Well I should have been more clear with my intentions at the very least." She gave Anna's hand a quick squeeze before grabbing her drink. "I'm definitely not trying to cheat on Elsa with her sister. Sorry to disappoint."
Well I guess I don't get to cross 'having sex with a celebrity' off my bucket list. "I think I'll live." She raised her glass to Tiana's and they both drained their drinks.
"Well this is a far more normal scene to return to," Elsa announced, setting a tray of nine shots before them. "Drink up."
They threw back the shots and ordered a final round before they left. Elsa called for a ride, as none of them were in any condition to drive, and before long they found themselves back at Anna's house, relieved that Nani had Olaf until the morning.
As soon as they walked through the door, Anna put a pot of coffee on. "It's still way too early to go to sleep."
"Maybe for you," Tiana replied. "I'm exhausted. I'm gonna get some sleep. You coming, Elsa?"
Elsa shook her head. "Nah, you go on. I'm going to try to stay awake and talk to my sister some. I did come all the way out here to spend time with her after all."
"All right, have a good night. I'll be waiting." She pulled Elsa into a sloppy kiss before blowing another to Anna. "I'd kiss you too, but I promised I'd behave myself."
"Maybe next time," Anna replied. She poured Elsa and herself two large cups of coffee, piled high with sugar. "Oh, sorry, I forgot to ask, do you still take it like this?"
Elsa sat at the kitchen table and stared at her cup. "I haven't in a while, but right now that sounds amazing." She blew on it and took a careful sip. "Yeah, this is better."
"I'm glad." Anna sat across from her, beaming, and followed her lead. "I always love coffee when I've been drinking."
"I do too. Tiana insists on just drinking water when you're drunk. It's certainly reasonable, you have to keep hydrated, but coffee after a night out drinking is great."
"At least we stopped at six drinks?" Anna offered. "Shouldn't be that bad."
"Say that when you're my age."
"You're not that much older than me!"
"Three and a half years is plenty older."
"Sure, throw the half in there to make it sound like more! Elsa, I'm thirty, I'm not some kid anymore – no matter how I've been acting lately, God I've been going so overboard with this whole self-discovery thing – I'm gonna be just as hungover as you in the morning." If not more. I am such a lightweight. I almost tripped three times just walking to this chair.
Elsa propped her feet on the chair closest to her. "I can promise, I'm going to be feeling worse. I'm 34 tomorrow. It makes a difference."
"Do you mind if I give you your present a few hours early? I just want to give it to you before we go to bed, and now seems like a good time."
"Do you think you can make it to wherever you're keeping it?"
"I'm fine! The coffee helped sober me up." Anna rose to her feet and puffed out her chest.
"You know that's a myth, right?"
Anna stomped off, bumped into a wall, righted herself and continued on her way, climbing up the stairs to the closet where Elsa's present waited. Her footing more stable, she dashed back down the stairs with the box in her hands.
Elsa watched as Anna slammed the box onto the table and turned what should have been a trip into sitting in the chair, before her eyes fell on the box covered in glittering blue wrapping paper. I should've just bought her some earrings, this is gonna seem weird. "Open it?" Anna suggested, her voice barely more than a whisper.
Focused on the box, Elsa slowly brought her hands to it, trying to open her gift without damaging the beautiful paper. The whisper of Elsa's hands gliding over the paper was the only sound in the room as it slowly unfolded, until a leather binder sat in a neat rectangle of white. "What is it?" Elsa asked.
"It's a scrapbook, of all the years you missed, so you can still see Olaf's first steps, his first day of school, even my first time wearing flannel." Anna laughed nervously. "I'd been saving pictures for you all these years. I thought when you were finally back you'd want to see them. Sorry, it's dumb, you could've just looked on Facebook or something if you really wanted to." Not to mention it sounds super passive aggressive, 'the years you missed', what were you thinking?
"I love it!" Elsa insisted, tears threatening to spill at the corner of her eyes. "Anna, it's wonderful. Thank you." She slowly turned through the pages, taking in each picture. "Oh, wow. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for all of this. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Your work and your life were more important," Anna replied, tears of her own already falling. "You didn't have time for your kid sister anymore, raising me was already too much for you, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to be around me any more." That makes so much more sense than her being in love with me.
"Oh, Anna, no, it wasn't that. Nothing could be further from the truth. Fuck, I'm the worst sister ever, I'm so sorry I let you feel that way." She threw her head back, staring at the ceiling as she chewed on her words, the scrapbook abandoned on the table. "You deserve to know the truth, but I'm so scared it'll just make you feel worse. I know you've been beating yourself up over this, probably for years, and I can't let you keep doing that, but you have to at least understand that I'm over it, it doesn't matter any more, I'm here now, please don't let this change anything."
She really was in love with me? She's gonna admit it?! Wait, she's over it? Like she's moved past the feelings and can ignore them to spend time with me now or the feelings are gone? What if I return them, then would they come back?
Elsa let out a long breath before looking into Anna's panicked eyes. "I promise I don't hate you."
"I know you don't," Anna managed to reply, surfacing from her thoughts. "I think I understand what happened, I'm sorry it was so difficult for you, you don't have to be alone anymore though, you have me here, and I'm not going anywhere." Wow, just go ahead and say you're falling for her before she even gets a word out.
"You already know? Of course you do, it's not like I was that subtle." Elsa walked over and took a seat on the table, her hand resting on Anna's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I know I was being childish. I know you didn't abandon me, that you were just trying to live your own life, but it just hurt so much. I'd stayed in California to be with you. I'd always planned on just going to Harvard, but then our parents died, and I had to look after you, and Stanford's just about as good, so it wasn't any real issue, and I thought that you'd feel the same way." What is she talking about? I abandoned her? "I thought you'd want to stay with me, at least until you finished school. It was silly. I just wasn't ready to lose you, and then out of nowhere you told me you were moving to Portland. I know I didn't take it well, I barely spoke to you, I ran off to Harvard and to New York. I tried to be better time and again, but every time the resentment bubbled back up, and I couldn't get past it. I'd start being mean to you, and grumpy all the time, until I just stopped talking to you. It happened every time I tried to be better. I'm so sorry, Anna, I left you with no family for all those years, after you'd already lost our parents, just because I was too stupid to get over you wanting to go your own way."
Anna tried to force her jaw closed, to respond, to blink, to do anything but stare at her sister. That's what it was? She resented me? Nani was right. She wasn't in love with me, I was just projecting. God, I'm so stupid!
Elsa withdrew her hand. "I knew I shouldn't have said anything. I'll leave you alone. I'm sorry. Should Tiana and I go to that hotel?" She turned away from Anna, sobbing softly.
Anna found her hand on Elsa, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I didn't abandon you, Elsa! I'm so sorry I let you think that. You're not a terrible sister, I am. You don't even want to know what I've been thinking – fucking hell what is wrong with me? Elsa, I didn't move to Portland to start my own life, I just wanted you to be able to – to start your own life, I mean. You'd given up so much for me, and I didn't want you to have to keep making sacrifices. I thought you must be sick of me by then, you didn't want to be a mother, you were just 21 and I'd never even seen you have a boy over – of course I understand that one now – I wanted you to be able to live without me dragging you down. Why didn't you ever say anything? I would've stayed!"
Elsa buried her face in Anna's shoulder, her tears staining the shirt. "I'm so sorry."
"No I am!" She stroked Elsa's back and leaned into her, her tears falling freely. "I can't believe we let this happen. All these years without each other because we were both too stupid to talk – not that you're stupid! You're brilliant."
"I'm definitely stupid. I should've asked you stay. I should've said anything. None of this had to happen if I wasn't so damn stubborn and proud. I'm the worst."
"You're the best, Elsa. I love you." You have no idea how much.
"I love you too."
It took all of Anna's strength not to kiss her sister then and there. They only held each other until their tears ran dry, neither saying another word. They'd finally said all they needed to say.
