Chapter 29
Steve walked through the halls of the nursing home with emotions racing through his head. He knew perhaps he ought to have come sooner. Perhaps he shouldn't have waited as long as he did from getting thawed out of the ice to visit the former love of his life.
But he couldn't bring himself to do it.
She was a reminder of everything he had lost; a reminder of the life he could have had. If only Bucky didn't fall. If only he didn't crash the plane. If only he'd been there for their date. If only, if only, if only.
But almost seventy years had passed since then. Life had gone on without him. Peggy had moved on, Howard had moved on, and the world kept spinning while he was stuck in the ice.
No matter how many times he dreamed of shutting his eyes, of waking up in a world long gone, it didn't change the fact that he was in the new world.
Bucky would have loved it. He always did like technology and all those futuristic devices. In another life, perhaps he and Toni could have been the best of friends. In another life perhaps Bucky would have been like an uncle to her.
He paused for a moment.
In another life he could have been like an uncle to her.
He shuddered briefly, not wanting to dwell too much on those thoughts any longer.
Peggy Carter had once been the love of his life. But Peggy had also moved on since then. She'd fallen in love, gotten married, and had two children who were absolutely brilliant in their own right. Harry who he trusted to have his back in the field since the two of them fought the alien army together. Who was headstrong and reminded him so much of Peggy when it came to protecting those he loved and cared for. And Ava whose mind was so brilliant that sometimes it felt like when she and Toni worked together that they were leagues above the rest of them.
He sighed to himself, looking down at the bouquet of freesias in his hand as he stood outside her door.
He knocked carefully and heard a soft voice telling him to come in.
He knew she'd gotten older, but looking at her, he knew she was undeniably the same Peggy Carter he'd known another lifetime ago.
"I was wondering when you'd come," she said, giving him a gentle smile as she sat up from the bed that she was stationed in. "They told me you had been found."
"I'm sorry I'm late for our date," he said, giving her a soft smile as he placed the flowers in an empty vase beside her bed.
"They're lovely, Steven," she said, "You're here now, that's all that matters."
"I had to visit my best girl," he told her, sitting down on a chair near her bed.
"All these years later and you're still a charmer," she laughed. He was quiet for a few minutes, and she glanced over at him. "What's on your mind, Darling?"
"I don't know what I'm doing," he admitted. "At all. The world's changed so much, Peg. How am I ever supposed to find out where I belong now?"
"Where you were always meant to be," she told him gently, "Right at the front, taking charge, and making the world a better place, one step at a time."
He let out a watery laugh, "You were always too clever for the rest of us," he said, and she grinned.
"And don't you forget it," she said cheekily. "Now, I know the look of a man who has a lot weighting down on his chest. Don't make an old woman pry it out of you."
He forgot how easy she'd been to talk to.
"Toni Stark," he admitted. "You know her, don't you?"
Her eyes softened fondly, "She's my goddaughter, so I'd say I know her."
"She confuses me," he told her. "She's brash and bold and everything that embodies this century. She's loud and in the face of everyone she meets, and absolutely unapologetic about the fact that she's the smartest person in the room. But despite what the press says about her, she doesn't let it faze her. She has no sense of self preservation and doesn't seem to realize that when she throws herself into danger, she's hurting the people who love her."
"I thought you liked women who weren't afraid of standing up for what they believed in," Peggy said, raising a brow at him.
"She's nothing like Howard," Steve shot back, refusing to acknowledge what she'd just said.
Peggy grew silent for a moment, and he didn't say anything, wanting to know what she was thinking. Toni had made it clear that Howard was a sensitive subject shouldn't be enough for her to forget the kind of man he'd been. One who'd fight bravely for their country and one who'd help do what was necessary to protect those he'd cared about."
"No, she isn't," Peggy said after a moment. "Toni's had a hard life, Steve. A life filled strings attached at every turn, and a life of having to constantly fight to have a seat at every table. Don't go looking for similarities between her and Howard Stark, you're not going to find any. And you won't find anything that you like."
"Howard was a good man," he told her firmly, "You were there in the war, Peg. You remember the things he did for this country. How can you even say anything like that when you know exactly the kind of man he was?"
"Was," she said quietly. "Steve, you went down in that ship, but the war didn't end the day you did. The war didn't end for months after. Howard was involved in the Manhattan Project. It changed him; he grew harder to try and deal with the deaths. And he blamed himself for you crashing the ship. When Toni was born, he decided she wasn't worthy of being his legacy, because of the sole reason that she was a girl. He didn't even hold her after she was born, instead he went for a drink. And he dedicated himself full time to making sure he found you. So that you would be what was left of the Stark Legacy. Not her."
She let him take that in and he felt like a truck hit him.
Looking at the woman Antonia Stark had become it was hard to imagine what Peggy had just said. When she was so incredibly brilliant and capable.
"She made her first circuit board when she was three, did you know that?" Peggy asked him, "She didn't know it at the time, but she solved an issue Howard had been facing for months and couldn't fix. She made the company hundreds of thousands of dollars from her design before she could even realize what that meant. She went to MIT when she was thirteen, but Howard was too busy with work to take her, so Daniel and I drove down with her mother and Mr Jarvis."
"Her AI?" Steve asked, a bit confused.
"No," Peggy shook her head. "JARVIS, her AI, was based on her butler, Edwin Jarvis. That man was more of a father to her than Howard ever was. He was there for her every time Howard got too drunk and took out his anger on her. He was there for every birthday, for every Christmas when Howard was off looking for you. For every time she needed anyone there."
"He wouldn't hurt his own daughter," Steve paled slightly.
She let out a sad laugh, "He did. My biggest regret was that I wasn't able to take her away from that place. But Maria loved her daughter, despite her own faults. I hoped she'd be enough to keep her safe, but she wasn't. I don't think I even know the full scope of how badly he hurt her growing up. He lost himself to the bottle more nights than he stayed sober, and he was a mean and angry drunk. Toni dealt with that her entire life. She dealt with him telling her she wasn't good enough."
"Why did he give her the company then?" he asked, desperate to hold onto the image of the man he'd once known.
"She'd threatened him before, saying that his father said a Stark would always be given control of the company, so he couldn't even hand it over to anyone else if he wanted to. But perhaps it was a last-minute moment of clarity. I don't know. She could barely even grieve her parents in peace. I don't remember a lot of what was happening around then," she said sadly, and he remembered her illness once more.
"I never knew it was so bad," Steve said softly.
"Many men didn't return from that war the same way they went in," Peggy told him gently. "It's not an excuse. Not even close. But I want you to understand that the Howard you knew was not the same as the one she did. And I want you to remember that when you look at her, because she's faced so much and the last thing that she needs is for you to tell her how things were back then. I know he was your friend. He was mine too. But that doesn't make her pain any less valid."
"How could he treat his own daughter like that?" he asked, painfully. Because suddenly so much made sense. How she tiptoed around the subject of her father. How she hated talking about it. Why there were pictures of everyone else in her home. Of her mother, cousins, and Peggy and her husband. Of the man who must have been Jarvis and his wife. And her friends.
But there were none of Howard Stark.
"You remind me a lot of her, you know," Peggy said, breaking the silence. "The way you both fight for things like it's you against the world."
"I don't know about that," Steve said looking over at the woman, "Toni feels like this enormous person. She's so much more than anything I am. She's a CEO, a hero, and she's loved by so many people in her life. I don't know if I can ever live up to that."
"She's just a girl," she told him, "Even under all her armour and masks. She's the same little girl who called me Aunt Peggy and used to borrow my lipstick. You just need to get to know the real woman and not just the one the rest of the world sees."
"I'll try," Steve promised the woman carefully, as she smiled back at him.
"Treat my little Ducky well," Peggy told him, and when he looked confused at the name, she laughed as she told him the story of the eight-year-old girl in duck pyjamas who eagerly listened to stories about Captain America and Bucky Barnes. And he thought to himself then that he wanted to know more about the real Toni Stark. The one that her family knew so well and would do anything for.
He wanted to get to know the real her better, and not just the woman he thought she was when he got into an argument with her on the Helicarrier. Because if there was one thing he was slowly realizing, it was that he was very wrong in his first impression of her.
And if he had been that wrong, what else had he been wrong about?
Peggy looked tired then, and he took it as his cue to leave. He kissed her forehead gently, as he left the room, only to come face to face with an older gentleman.
"You must be Steve Rogers," the man said, and he realized then that he was her husband.
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr Carter-Sousa," Steve said politely.
"I'm glad to see you're doing well," the man nodded at him. "Are you heading back to New York?"
"I am," Steve nodded. "Fury wanted to discuss a few things, so I stopped by. But my visit's coming to an end."
"Good," the man nodded, "Before you go, if I could ask you one thing?"
Was this where he would be asked to stay away from the woman he once loved? Surely Peg's husband wasn't worried that he'd be a threat to their marriage now.
"Take care of Toni," Daniel told him, "She thinks of you as a friend. I know she doesn't want to worry me about what's going on in her life, but I still worry."
"Of course," Steve smiled. Toni might not need him to save her, she'd made that very clear. But he still wanted to be there for her. That much he was sure of, if nothing else in this new century.
Getting permission for a certain Harley Keener and his sister Abigail wasn't all that difficult in the end. Not in the way she thought it would be. Mrs Keener was busy most days with work, and trying to make ends meet, so the woman didn't mind her children being gone for a week or two during their March Break. She had insisted on meeting Toni first, but at the end of the day, she simply didn't have any qualms with it. Not the way Ben and May Parker had.
She supposed she ought to not be surprised. She knew not all kids grew up with parents who were there for them every day. Her own childhood and father was a testament to what it was like growing up with a parent who was busy with work. But Mrs Keener wasn't busy because she cared more about work than her children. She was busy because she needed to prioritize work in order to make sure there would be food on the table.
If she thought that for even a moment that she was the kind of woman who would accept help, then Toni wouldn't have hesitated. But Mrs Keener wouldn't accept any handouts. That much was clear in their interaction.
So instead, she invited them up for the weekend, wanting Peter to meet the Keeners, as she had a feeling the two boys would get on well. Neither had many friends their own age, and as much as she wanted to be there for the both of them, it would be good if they made some friends as well.
"What if he doesn't like me?" Peter asked in a small voice as they stood on the tarmac where her private jet was landing.
"He'll like you," Toni promised him, "The two of you are the smartest kids I know. I have a feeling the two of you will get on like a house on fire. As long as my house doesn't actually end up on fire."
"I didn't start that fire," Peter pouted, "That was DUM-E."
In which he was referring to the incident a few months ago where she'd turned her back for one moment, and in that second, DUM-E accidentally crushed one of Peter's resistors when his back was turned and the circuit he'd been working on burst into flames.
"Just don't let it happen again," she said in mock seriousness, knowing her oldest child was responsible for most of the incidents in her lab.
"I won't," Peter pouted again, and she laughed at him as her private jet's doors opened. She'd sent Happy to pick the kids up and while the man grumbled about it he knew there was no one she trusted more to pick her kids up.
"Hi Toni," Harley bounced out of her plane as his sister tailed shyly behind him. "I knew you'd be here. You know how?"
"Happy told you?" she asked him sarcastically.
"Because we're connected," he said solemnly, ignoring her.
"Whatever you say, Kid," she shook her head with a laugh. "Hi Abby. How are you doing?"
"Good," the girl said quietly, and Toni gave her an encouraging smile.
"Did the two of you have a good flight?" she asked, as she led them to the car.
"Yes," Abby nodded, as she glanced over at Peter. "Who's he?"
"This is my friend Peter," Toni told them, and Peter blushed slightly. "I thought that the four of us could hang out this week while you're on break. Is that okay?"
"What's your favourite Law of Motion?" Harley asked him judgingly.
"The third law," Peter said quickly, "I like the idea that everything has a balancing reaction."
"Of course," he snorted, "The first law is better. Think about the external force that you could enact on any situation. But third is cool too I guess." He looked up at her then, "I approve, you can keep the kid."
"Hey," Peter squeaked.
"I knew this kid before I knew you," Toni told him, unimpressed. "And I'm keeping all of you. It's all a part of my plan for world domination really.
"If you plan on taking over the world with children then you better get started," Harley told her as he took a seat in her car before her. "We have a lot of work to do."
She laughed at that and Happy merely grumbled.
"I deserve a raise," he told her as he pointed at Harley. "If I have to babysit that kid any more than I've already done then I deserve a bloody raise. You have no idea the things he's planning on getting into. He shot me with a potato when I went to pick him up, Toni. A goddamn potato."
"I thought you were going to murder me," Harley said innocently.
"I told you he was coming," Toni said, unimpressed as she took a seat in the driver's seat, with Happy in the passenger's side.
"You have a potato gun?" Peter said, eyes widening. "That's so cool! Can you show me how you made it?"
"Oh no, no, no, no," Toni wagged a finger at them, "You aren't going to corrupt Peter with any weapons. The only science we will be doing will be the nonviolent kind. No guns of any sort, even potato in my workshop."
"So we won't get to see the Iron Woman suit?" Abby asked, looking a little saddened.
Her eyes softened at that, "I have one that is safe to be around kids," she told the girl, "You can see that one, if you like."
"Okay!" Abby said, smiling for the first time, as Toni started the car.
Why did she have a feeling that this was going to be one of the longest weeks of her life?
It was the longest week of her life. Despite her protests, Peter and Harley had made two matching potato guns and were currently aiming it at either each other or any stray avenger who got in their way.
Steve had taken to going on longer morning runs, so he could avoid them, Clint was hiding somewhere in her vents, Natasha was off on an "important mission", and Bruce, poor Bruce, was answering every single science question that was thrown his way.
Turns out, the only thing more interesting to the two boys than the Hulk was Bruce Banner's gamma radiation papers.
She sighed as she looked around her home. Peter had decided to take Harley and Abby on a tour of the city with May and Ben, and for the first time that week, she had a moment to breathe without having to be a responsible adult.
She was never going to become a parent, that much was certain. Too much responsibility for her to want to do. No, she'd be the fun aunt who always brought cool presents when she came to visit. All of the fun of mentoring kids yet none of the actual responsibility. Plus it seemed far more her speed than actually raising any kids.
She was not mother material, not to real humans anyways.
"Are they gone?" Bruce said, peeking into her lab.
"They're gone," she hummed, "For now anyways."
"Your kids are great, Toni, but they're a bit of a handful," Bruce said as he entered her workshop.
"They really are, aren't they," she laughed, "They're brilliant, but Hawking help the world if they ever decide that they want to plot world domination together."
"I'm not sure the Avengers would even be enough to stop something like that," he laughed as he patted U on the head.
"They'll be back in a few hours," she told him pointedly, "So if you want to work on anything, I'd make sure you get to it before then. Otherwise you're not going to get any peace and quiet for the next few hours. Or you know, if you had something on your mind that you wanted to talk about before they got back, I'd do it now."
He laughed, running his hand through his hair, "Am I that transparent?"
"Only to those who know you," she grinned. "So what's on your mind, Buttercup?"
"Ava," he admitted, and she found herself grinning.
"I knew it!" she said triumphantly.
"You knew what?" Bruce said, looking at her confused, "I haven't even said anything yet. What's there to know?"
"You have feelings for my cousin," Toni said knowingly, "And you want my help because you have no idea about what to do about said feelings."
He shook a screwdriver at her.
"You're far too smart for your own good, you know that Stark?" he said, looking bemused.
"I'm just smart enough," she grinned at him, "The world wouldn't be able to handle it if I were any smarter."
"And the world would be a lot worse off if you weren't as clever as you are," he said with a softy smile. He sighed then and looked at her. "Well?"
"Well what?" she asked, raising a brow at him.
"Aren't you going to tell me that it's a horrible idea? I nearly killed the last woman I cared for. Are you really going to tell me that nothing could be wrong with the fact that I have feelings for your cousin?"
"So it'll be a little rough," she said with a shrug, "You have been of a problem. But in case you haven't noticed, no one here judges you for it. I trust you around the kids, regardless of what you might think. And I trust you not to hurt any of us intentionally. Every relationship takes work, but if there's one thing I learned, it's that people aren't perfect, no matter how hard we try to be. we all have our flaws, and people who care about us love us in spite of it."
"Do you think she'll yes if I ask her to dinner?" Bruce asked, looking at her carefully.
"I can't speak for my cousin," Toni told him firmly, "She's her own person and has the right to make her own decisions. But for what it's worth, I think she'll say yes. She's always been the best of us, and I know she cares about you just as much as you care about her. If you're serious about your feelings for her, then I think you should take the chance and take the risk."
"And you'd be okay with that?" Bruce asked again, "If I dated her."
She paused for a moment, "Are you asking for my permission to date her?" she asked, surprised, "She has an older brother you know, one who'll want to have words with you. And a dozen other family members would be suitable if you wanted someone's blessing."
"You're practically her older sister," Bruce said firmly, "She looks up to you. Both Harry and Ava do. Besides, you're my friend. I want your blessing as your friend and her sister to date Ava, if you are willing to give it."
"You have it," she grinned, "For what it's worth, I think the two of you will be good together."
"Like you and Steve?" he asked her, and she froze.
"We're just friends," she said quickly, "He barely tolerates me."
"We both know that's a lie, Toni," Bruce gave her a look, as JARVIS stopped them both to know the kids were home. Bruce quickly left the lab then, knowing where the kids would stop first, and Toni was left alone with her thoughts, trying to make sense of what just happened.
