Chapter 31
It took Steve exactly a week before she found him waiting outside of her workshop one afternoon, pacing back and forth, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.
"J, can you open the doors?" she said, glancing back over at him as she placed down the StarkPad she'd been holding that she had been drawing up plans for a new suit for Steve for stealth missions.
Steve looked surprised as the door opened, clearly not having expected her to have seen him. He met her gaze nervously and she swallowed. What was it that had the great Steve Rogers so shaken up?
He entered the room as she took in his anxious form.
"Are you okay, Steve?" she asked him as she sat him down on one of the chairs she had in the lab, standing over him. "Are you sick? Can you even get sick? J can you perform a quick body scan and tell me if all his vitals are okay?"
"I'm fine, Toni," he told her, taking a deep breath, "I actually came here to talk to you about something."
"Me?" she asked, surprised, "What about, Soldier?"
"You know how I went to visit Peggy?" he asked, although it wasn't really a question as much as it was a statement. "Well the two of us talked about some things. She told me a bit about the life she had with her husband and her family. But she also told me a bit about you."
"Oh?" she asked, not really sure what to say about that.
"She told me that she saw you grow up," Steve told her softly, "You should have heard her talk about you, Toni. She was so proud, telling me stories of what you were like growing up. How you used to steal her lipstick and heels and wobble around even though they were way too big to fit you properly."
She groaned slightly at that, "Of course she did. Aunt Peggy can't even let me save face at this age."
"She thinks of you as a daughter," Steve told her, and while it wasn't news to her, she still felt warmth fill through her.
"The Carter-Sousas have always been like a second family to me," she smiled softly.
He smiled back at her at that, but she could tell the smile didn't fully meet his eyes.
"What's wrong?" she asked him gently, taking one of his hands in hers.
"She also said some other things," he said, pausing, "About Howard."
She pulled away slightly, wondering what it was that Aunt Peggy had told him. Because there was any number of things she could have said. Her family all knew the truth about her father and the kind of man he was. It was no secret to those who had seen her growing up; she could only do so much to hide the bruises he left behind.
"He hurt you," Steve said, not really asking as much of stating. "That's why you don't talk about your father. Not because you refuse to see the man I knew once long ago. But because that man was long gone by the time he became your father."
She let out a shaky laugh, "My father never wanted anything to do with me," she said barely looking at him. "He might have been some great man when you knew him. Someone who helped you win the war and was honourable. But he wasn't that man when he raised me. He drank a lot, trying to handle the failures he was facing by being unable to find you. Do you know Stark Industries nearly went bankrupt a few years after I was born because he spent so much resources trying to find you and not enough in his own company? I saved the company at three years old, because I just wanted to make something and I made something which changed the future of the computing world. I saved our company. And do you know what he gave me for it? A cut lip and broken rips. That was my great reward. Because he wanted me to know my place was always beneath him."
He paled at that, and she felt a bit bad for him. It wasn't the man's fault that her father had been an asshole.
"I just wanted him to be proud of me," she told him softly, "Growing up, I just wanted his approval. But somewhere along the line, I realized I'd never get it. So eventually I gave up. I realized I had a family around me outside of him. I had my mother who loved me more than anything. I had Jarvis and Ana. I had Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel. And Ava and Harry. I didn't need his love, and I felt free after I accepted that. He could say whatever he wanted and hurt me physically as much as he wanted, but at the end of the day, I didn't need his love or acceptance. Not when I had others around me who loved me for me. Whom I was good enough for."
"How could he hurt his own daughter?" Steve choked out slightly, and she rubbed the back of his hand with hers gently.
"Because he never wanted me," she said with a shrug, "My mother had many miscarriages before me and after me. He wanted a son and he was stuck with a daughter in a man's world. A daughter whose best hope for his company would have been to marry someone smart and hand the company over. But I've never been one to roll over and accept the rolls that life tries to thrust on me."
"That wasn't the only time he hurt you, though," Steve said, not really asking.
"No," she said with a shrug, "J, pull up all my medical incidents before the age of twenty pertaining to my father."
"You had medical incidents not related to your father?" he asked her, narrowing his eyes at the specific parameters she'd given her AI.
"I got kidnapped a few times as a kid," she said, trying to shrug it off. "They thought they'd get a good payout from my father for kidnapping the Stark Heir. I think the only reason my father ever did anything about it was more about saving face about the Stark name than any actual concern over me. Or if he did care, he never said so afterwards. But Peggy always came for me. Always saved me, even during the times where I was in so much pain that I thought I was going to die. She always came, and she always saved me."
"Toni," he breathed, and she shrugged him off.
"When I was five, I broke my leg. I told people at school that it was because I fell out of a tree, but really it was because I was pushed down the stairs while my father shoved me to the side because he thought I would damage some of his prototypes. And the angle I landed on was not ideal," she told him as all the incidents floated around them.
"He used to make me hold hot tools without the proper protections because I was a Stark," she said softly, "And Starks are made of Iron. I should have been able to take it. But instead I'd end up with burnt hands. I can't be handed things now. I'm sure you've heard people say it's one of my ridiculous eccentricities. But really, it terrifies me still. As ridiculous as that might be."
He looked over every report, and the story that had gone with it as the doctors were often bribed to look the other way after treating her. And she could see his eyes begin to harden as he moved through them.
"When I was ten, I got into a fight at school," she said softly, "It wasn't really a fight as much as it was them attacking me. And when I finally fought back, breaking one of their noses with a move Aunt Peggy showed me, it was enough to land me a suspension. I was sent home from boarding school for the week for fighting. Howard wasn't pleased as he got the call during an Investor's meeting and they had to take a break long enough for him to call Jarvis and tell him to deal with me. That night he took his belt out," she said, cutting off before she could say what was done.
Steve stood then and pulled her tightly into a hug, "I'm so sorry," he told her softly as his arms held her. "My father died young, from tuberculosis, and I never told anyone this, but my mother and I were happier when he was gone. He used to get so angry some nights, and my Ma did all she could to keep me safe. But I would still hear her cries when she thought I was asleep. Any man who hurts his family is not worthy of being called a man."
She didn't say anything, and he rubbed her back gently.
"I'm sorry too," he said to her, "For the part I played in your childhood. When I went down in that ship, I went down because I didn't know how to fight any more. I lost my best friend, and it felt easier than trying to find a way to keep everyone safe and survive. I told myself I was doing it for them, but I was doing it because I didn't see a way out. But I never once wanted anyone to try and find me. I never would have wanted Howard to put me over his own family. Not when he had a wife and daughter who were alive and healthy and for all he knew, I was gone. He never should have put his family second, not for me. And if I could go back and smack some sense into your father I would have."
"It wasn't your fault either," she told him gently, "My father made the decisions he did, knowing fully well that it would cost him his family. He threw away his chance at a relationship with me time and time again not because he didn't care enough about it, but because he didn't want it."
"I wish you could have known the same man I knew back in the war," he said softly, "He was a good man. And I accept that he was not the same as the man you knew. But that man, as ridiculous and outgoing as he was, cared about others. He never would have hurt another person. And if he had raised you, then maybe you would have gone through the pain you did."
"We can't change the past," she told him gently, "What's done is done. My father is gone now, he's been gone for years. Howard Stark never was meant to be my father, but that's okay. Because I still had a family who loved me. I still had others who cared about me. It might not have been the most orthodox of families, but it was a family nonetheless. And I wouldn't trade them for anything. Not for a chance to have a relationship with Howard."
He nodded at that, pulling away from her softly. "Thank you," he told her gently, "You didn't need to share any of this with me. And I am sorry. For assuming you needed to have a good relationship with your father. Not when I didn't know him anywhere near as well as you did. People change. Times change. And you've done so much for me. So much that you didn't need to do, but you did anyways. And I'm grateful to you for everything you've done."
She smiled back at him, "You deserve a chance at a new life, Steve. Just because your old life is gone doesn't mean you can't have a new life here. We all want you to be happy and find a place to call your home. And if I can offer you that, then I want to."
She stood at the bar, a glass of whiskey in her hand as she watched over the crowded room. She hated these events, she really did. Even if she usually supported the cause involved.
But if there was one thing Toni Stark was trained to do, it was put on a smile and pretend there was nowhere else she'd rather be, as she danced in the arms of Senators and other billionaires who were more than happy to open their wallets once she was done with them.
It had been a hassle and a half getting the other Avengers ready for the event. Bruce hadn't wanted to go, but Ava had promised him that they'd leave if he even remotely felt uncomfortable. And seeing the two of them dance closely on the floor, she smiled. Ava had had her share of relationships, but none of them had ever felt as right to her, not the way she and Bruce just clicked together.
Getting Clint into a suit had been a nightmare. He hadn't wanted to, insisting that they wanted him there as an Avenger, and he felt more comfortable in his gear. She'd been at his wits end, trying to convince him, before finally throwing her arms up and asking him to think of it as an undercover mission. He couldn't blend in if he stood out so obviously. And now Clint Barton was roaming around the hall, having the time of his life as he acted out some role he had concocted in his head.
And Natasha. Oh Natasha was smart. Despite her low-cut black dress with the high leg slit, Toni knew the woman had more weapons on her than the entire room combined. And if any man got a bit too feely with her, Nat wouldn't hesitate to cut off an appendage or two.
"Can I have this dance?" she heard a voice say and she stilled slightly. She looked up, wearing her uncaring mask as she looked up at Tiberius Stone smirking down at her.
"Don't you have other women to go harass?" she asked, without putting down her drink, "Last I heard you were dating some model. Was she not up to coming tonight?"
"Oh I broke up with her ages ago," he waved his hand, "You know how it is for people like us. They just want to sleep with a billionaire, and I enjoyed the easy lay."
"Classy," she raised a brow at him.
"You are the host here today," he reminded her, "The classy thing to do is ask you to at least dance with me."
"Or to stay away, given our history," she reminded him. Because he had tried to drug her years ago. Because he'd made comments to the press about how she was a good time, even though they'd never been together. Because he had constantly put her career down in front of others.
"Come on, Toni," he said moving closer. "Let bygones be bygones. You can't hold onto grudges forever. Besides, do you really want to make a scene, with all these people watching?"
She placed her drink down as he extended her hand. She could do this. There was going to be a story about this the next day in the press. But at least if the story was positive then she could keep the attention on their cause, families who were left homeless after the Chitauri attack. If the story was spun negatively then it would be about how she caused a scene and the cause forgotten.
"Fine, one dance," she said, as she slipped her hand through his. She'd already danced with many other men tonight, what was one more?
He held her close as they got onto the dance floor, and she tried to concentrate on the music.
"You know, the two of us were always meant to end up together," he said, and she pulled back slightly to look at him incredulously.
"You're delusional," she told him.
He laughed at that, "Toni, that's just how the world works. At the end of the day, people like you and me are the only ones who understand each other. We know how this game works, we've been trained to play it all our lives. Trained to put on a mask and let the rest of the world see what we want them to see. Do you think you'll be happy with this new group that you seem to have found yourself with? They don't understand you. Not like I do."
"You don't understand me either," she reminded him, "You tried to rape me."
"Please, don't pretend you didn't want it that night," he scoffed. "You would have been begging for it. You would have liked it. Besides, who do you think it was who suggested I slip you something?"
She went pale then, realizing. Who had the most to gain if she was too intoxicated to make the Board meeting the next morning? Who had the most to gain if they could convince the Board that she was not ready? Who had forced her to go to that party in the first place? But instead, Rhodey had saved her that night. And she'd shown up and kicked ass.
How did she not know?
How did she not see it so much sooner?
"Obie," she whispered. "He told you to rape me?"
"He told me to show you a good time," he shrugged, "Give you a little something to help you forget the pain you were in. Not my fault your boy thought you needed to be saved. I had bruises for weeks after he broke my nose."
His hand dipped dangerously low and she glowered at him.
"He wanted us to get together, you know that?" Stone told her. "Thought you needed a good, firm man to keep you in your place. Personally, I still think you do, given how ridiculous you've been acting over the past few decades."
"Go to hell, Stone," she said, trying to pull away from him.
The song ended then and he held her firmly, "We're not done talking yet, Stark," he told her.
"I have a repulsors in my bracelet," she said, showing him the piece on her wrist. "All I have to do is think about it, and it will activate. And the rest of the suit won't be far behind that."
"But think of the scene you'll cause," he laughed. "You don't want to do that."
"Excuse me," she heard a voice say then, "I haven't had a chance to dance with Ms Stark all night, and if you don't mind, may I cut in and steal her for the next dance?"
She looked over as Steve stood there, jaw clenched. She'd seen him in his suit earlier, having chosen it for him but she took a moment to admire it.
"Of course," Stone said, not really wanting to get into a fight with Captain America. Not that she blamed him, she wouldn't either.
Stone backed away quickly as Steve offered her a hand. She placed one in his and the other on his shoulder.
"Are you okay?" he asked her gently as they moved with the music.
"I'm fine," she said, giving him a smile. Steve gave her a look and she sighed, "Stone and I don't have the best history. I don't want to get too much into it tonight."
"Okay," he nodded, accepting that she didn't really want to delve into it. And what could she really say that would make any of this better. Obie had wanted to ruin her for years. He'd hated her more than her own father. And she had been too stupid to see the truth.
"You know, being here tonight, it reminds me of before," he told her, trying to take her mind off what had happened. "I used to dress up in my costume and put on a show to motivate the soldiers. To convince them to buy bonds. And I hated every part of it."
She laughed lightly, "I suppose this is the modern equivalent," she said, as he spun her around. "To tell you the truth, I hate it too. The entire façade of it all. We put on nice outfits and socialize, all while we mingle with people who pretend they care about whatever cause we're supporting, and they donate money to get tax write offs and good press. None of them would have given a dime if it weren't for the benefits that they get out of it. And yet every penny helps, so we don't complain."
"You're a natural at this," he told her softly, "The way you blend in and mingle with everyone. I don't know how you do it."
"I've been doing this since I was old enough to not embarrass my parents at these things," she said simply. "It was good for the Stark image to present a united front."
"Doesn't make it any less true," he said, "I also wanted to tell you that you look lovely tonight."
His eyes twinkled at that, and she felt herself blush lightly. She was wearing a red off shoulder mermaid gown that clung to her curves in just the right places. And truthfully, she was glad he noticed. Given that she had barely been able to take her eyes off of how the suit he was wearing fit him just right.
"So do you," she smiled, "You certainly clean up nicely."
"Please," he grinned, "We both know that you did all the work by choosing this suit out for me."
"Maybe I like complimenting myself," she laughed.
He pulled her in close after a spin and she found herself staring at his lips. He was close enough that if she leaned up slightly, she could reach his lips. And knowing he was so close, she wanted nothing more than to pull him in and kiss him.
For a brief moment, as his eyes met hers, she wondered if he would make the move himself
She swallowed then as the song ended, and the moment passed.
"Thank you for the dance," she said softly, "I appreciate you cutting in and saving me."
"Happy to help," he said, slightly strained and she turned her back to make her way back to the bar.
For the briefest second, she wondered if he would reach out and stop her.
But he never did.
She sighed to herself as she ordered another drink from the bartender, gulping it down, trying to push the thoughts she was having out of her head. Steve was her friend, and she refused to let her feelings get in the way of what they had.
"You should have taken the risk, you know," someone said from behind her and she nearly jumped as Natasha slid into the barstool beside her.
"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said as she ordered another drink.
"Don't dodge the question, Stark," Nat said. "We both know you have feelings for the Captain. Everyone with two eyes can see you have feelings for him. And yet you did nothing. Are you just going to keep pining away for him for the end of time? What's your goal here? From what I heard, Starks take what they want."
"Well then you really don't know me at all, do you?" she shrugged, "Some spy you are."
"Maybe some of us just want to see you happy," Natasha said, and Toni looked at her sharply. It wasn't that she didn't like the other woman on their team. But the two never had been as close as she'd felt with the others."
"Why?" Toni asked softly.
"Because you gave us a family when all of us lost ours. And for some of us, for the first time ever," Nat said gently. "For what it's worth, I think you should take the risk with Steve. You might find your feelings aren't as one-sided as you think."
She slipped away then, leaving her with her drink and her thoughts, as Toni Stark tried to figure out what to do next.
A/N: Steve and Toni are getting closer! I wonder who will snap first, or will they continue to literally and metaphorically dance around each other forever.
