Chapter 35
December 16th was always a hard day for Toni Stark. In the years since her mother's death, she'd grown to hate it. Grown to hate the fact that the last conversation she'd had with her parents had been a fight with her father in which her mother had gone with him anyways.
Over the years she'd had different coping strategies, from drinking the day away, to spending it crying as her Aunt Peggy comforted her, to pretending that everything was fine and trying to go about her day, and just locking herself away in her lab, coming up with invention after invention which would mean that she wouldn't have to think about what the day meant to her.
But this year was different.
This year, Steve was around, and while she didn't spend every waking moment of her life with her new boyfriend, he'd certainly notice if she went off the grid for a day.
Still, it didn't stop her from staying in her lab all night long and refusing to go up for meals.
Instead, she just blasted AC/DC as loud as she could and lost herself in the science of her latest inventions, wondering if truly there could be a way to keep the planet safe with a security net of sorts. A way to stop the aliens from coming. A first response system.
It was enough of a novel idea that she didn't have to think about the day. That she wouldn't have to think about what it meant to her, and that she simply could go about existing, and not pretend that she didn't want to break down crying at any moment.
Really, it had been over two decade since they had passed away, she should be over this by now.
"Toni?" she heard a gentle knock on the door, as JARVIS turned down the music automatically.
She glared upwards at the camera.
"Miss, I do believe you should let the Captain in," her AI told her softly. "He has been worried about you all morning long."
"And if I don't want to?" she scoffed. "What if I just want to be alone."
"That is not healthy behaviour, Miss," JARVIS reprimanded her lightly. "You do not need to be alone on this day. Not when you have all your children who love you dearly, and Captain Rogers who cares about you a great deal."
She sighed to herself, knowing he was right. She wanted nothing more than to push everyone away. But in the end, would that really help anyone?
"Let him in, J," she said with a sigh, as she turned off the screen she'd been working on.
"Toni," Steve said, entering the lab carefully, "Are you okay?"
She nearly laughed. Did she look okay? Her hair was a frazzled mess, she hadn't slept in nearly two days, and Jemison help her, when was the last time she ever even showered?
But the earnest look on his face stopped her. The look that showed that he really did care about her and did want to see how she was doing.
"You know what today is, right?" she asked him, and he simply shook his head.
Right, she forgot the Captain had only been awake for a few years. A day significant to her like this meant nothing to him.
"Today is the anniversary of my parent's death," she said softly, and his face immediately dropped, as the realization washed across his face.
"Toni," he said, immediately taking a seat on the chair closest to her. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea. I should have checked the date and remembered it."
"It's not your fault," she said softly, "I wouldn't expect most people to know. It was so long ago, really."
"They were your parents," he reminded her. "It makes a difference in your life, and I should have known about it."
He took her hands in his and she looked down, "I don't cope well with this day. I should have warned you instead of just running away. I've never really had a real relationship before. Nothing like this anyways."
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her gently, "If you don't, that's fine too. We can do whatever you need to feel better."
She was silent for a few moments. It had been years since she'd told anyone about her parents, or what had happened that day. Her family knew or knew bits and pieces. But she never talked about it with people. How could she?
"I talked to them that day," she whispered, and he sat up straight. "My parents. I was visiting them for the holidays, and they were going on a trip, just the two of them. My dad and I had a fight; he always liked to believe the worst of me, and I gave up correcting him early on. And that was the last conversation I ever had with him. One where he mocked me for thinking I was too busy sleeping my way through PhD. And he had a few drinks. I knew he had a problem with his alcohol but none of us ever said anything. But maybe if I had he wouldn't have been driving that day."
He looked a bit surprised about the drunk driving, and Toni knew why. It wasn't common knowledge that the former CEO and owner of Stark Industries not only killed himself, but also his wife by driving under the influence. Such a thing certainly would not be good for the general reputation of the company. So instead, Obie swept it under the rug, like everything else unpleasant that their company did.
She wanted to hate him for it. Hate that Obie hid the truth of the matter from the public. Her father was a monster, and the world needed to know.
"He took my mother from me," she said, voice cracking slightly, "My father hated me, but my mother loved me. She might not have always been around, but she taught me how to shield myself from the world. How to not let their words get to me. She loved me even when he couldn't. and my father took her from me."
"I never knew," he said softly, wrapping an arm around her, "I'm so sorry, Toni. I can't even begin to imagine what that must have been like for you. You were so young."
"I don't know what I would have done if the Carter-Sousas weren't there for me," she told him, "I lost Jarvis a few years ago, and if Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel didn't take care of me then, then who knows what would have happened. I think I would have lost myself in it all and would have been unable to get to where I am today."
"Our true family are the ones we surround ourselves with," he said, repeating her words from long ago back to her. "Thank you for talking to me about this. I know we haven't exactly been seeing each other for long, but the fact that you let me into your life means a lot to me."
She leaned over and pressed a kiss on his lips, "You mean a lot to me, Steve," she told him. "You're family now, even if we haven't been together long."
He held her in his arms, not saying anything for a bit as she leaned into him. It was nice, having someone in her life that she could trust like she trusted him.
She wondered if the two of them would last, or if they would be doomed to fall apart and break, like most other things in her life.
But she was happy with him. And she wasn't about to let anyone take it from her.
"Toni you have to help me!" Peter said, barrelling onto her floor, looking out of shape and miserable all around.
"What happened?" she asked, putting down the cup of coffee as Steve pushed a plate of food towards her. "Did you forget about an assignment again? It happens to the best of us. I can make you an AI to help you keep track of all your work, like JARVIS helps me keep track of everything."
"And where would you be without me?" JARVIS asked, sounding smug.
She grinned, looking at one of the cameras. "You know it, Baby boy."
"What?" Peter said, a bit confused, "No that wasn't what I needed help with. It's much worse! It's not even science related! Or math! And it's so stupid because I shouldn't have to do this. Why does anyone care about it anyways? It's not like the people making the rules are the ones who have to do this test."
"Slow down," she said, trying to get the bouncing pre-teen to sit, "What's this about? I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong."
"I have to climb up a rope," he said, pouting at her, "In gym class. I've never climbed up anything in my life. I like science! I can calculate how long it would take the average climber to get to the top if you gave me the proper variables. But why do I need to be to climb to the top of the rope? The test is so irrelevant anyways. It makes no difference to anyone if I'm able to get to the top of this rope or not. And yet, it's what I have to be able to do apparently. Have you ever seen me climb anything? I get tired climbing up a flight of steps. How am I going to get to the top of a rope?"
"We can get you a note," she said immediately, "I can call some doctors and get you a note that'll get you out of this. No intern of mine should have to do physical activity if they don't want to. I'll start making some calls."
"What?" Steve said, looking at her in surprise, "Toni, no! You can't just get him a note to get him out of gym class! What happens next time when he has to do the next test? You can't give him notes every time!"
"We can write a program," Peter said, solemnly. "I support this idea. That way it can auto-generate notes based on the use case and I can just print them out and give it to my teachers as the issues come up. Think about the applications we can get out of it! It'll be brilliant."
"Perfect!" she said, clapping her hands, "Let's get to work, my prodigy."
"Toni!" Steve scolded her, light heartedly. "There is another solution to all of this. One that doesn't involve cheating the system and one which will have high rewards for you."
"You don't mean-" Peter said looking up at him in horror.
"Captain, say it isn't so," Toni said, stunned.
"You can practise," Steve said in his good Samaritan voice. "A little hard work goes a long way. Just think about the satisfaction you'll feel once you finally get to the top of that rope using your own merits and skill."
"I tried, Peter," she said, looking down, "I tried to get you out of this, but the Good Captain is too noble and pure for us to exploit. If he says you have to do it, then I guess you have no choice but to learn how to climb up the top of the rope."
"Not just Peter," Steve said, glancing over at her.
"What?" she asked, nearly dropping her mug of coffee, "You want me to climb to the top? Why?"
"You're a superhero," he told her sternly, "You could use a little training. What if your suit malfunctions and you need to climb up to safety? Do you really want to just accept injury, or worse, death, simply because you don't know how to climb up?"
"I can always fix my suit!" she argued. "I'm an engineer! It's what I do! I fix things."
"And if you have no materials?" he asked her, "What if you're stranded in the middle of the ocean?"
"Then what do I need to climb?" she threw her arms in the air.
"A rope?" he questioned her. "One that could pull you up to safety."
"I think you're reaching, Steve," she pouted. "Please don't make me climb the rope."
"It'll be good for you to at least try," he said, gesturing at Peter, "What kind of example do you want to set for him?"
"That science is always the answer," she said, trying to convince him.
"Both of you go change," Steve shook his head, "And meet me in the gym in ten. We're going to have a lot of work to do."
He pressed a kiss on her pouting face as he made his way down to the gym.
"I'm already sore," Peter said, looking at her with a pout. "Are you sure we can't just make a program?"
She shook her head, "I wish. But Cap won't be pleased if we do. Time to buck up, my little genius. Looks like we're gonna climb a rope."
And with that, she found herself changed and ready in the gym, scowling at the tall rope that Steve had somehow managed to prep in the time it took her to get down there.
"This is still my building," she reminded him, "I feel like your rule book of politeness should have something in there about not forcing a person against their will to get into shape."
"It's cause I care about you," he deadpanned. "My mistake really. I guess I'll just leave you and the kid to suffer being out of shape."
"You're not allowed to be sarcastic," she gasped at him, "Captain America is supposed to be polite all the time! It's like the most important rule! What next? Are you not going to walk old ladies across the street? Going to use a curse word? What is the world even getting to?"
"It's falling apart," Peter said with a nod, "Really, we're all just descending into chaos and anarchy."
Steve shook his head at the two of them, before pressing a kiss on her lips.
"You don't have to do this if you don't want to," he told her in a soft tone. "I just thought it would be good moral support to have you learn as well for Peter."
She smiled up at him, "I know, Darling," she said, intertwining her fingers with his. "I may not be the best at all this exercise stuff, but you're right. I can't get Peter out of this forever. It's better that he learns how to do this in case he ever is in a situation where he needs upper body strength. Curie forbid he decides to become a superhero or something one day."
"I don't know if I could handle that," Steve laughed, as they watched Peter walk over to the rope and look hard at it. She wondered what kinds of calculations he was running in that brain of his, and she laughed, practically seeing the math floating over his head.
"It's not about the math or physics, Peter," Steve said, walking over to him, "It's about focusing your strength. Here, watch as I lock my arms on the rope and look at the technique I'm using to pull myself up. Then we'll walk you through it slowly."
She watched in amazement as he gripped the rope, pulling himself into the air as he made his way up.
She grinned to herself at the sight, cause damn her man was hot. She might not have admitted it to herself earlier when she was avoiding her feelings for him, but there was no denying the fact that she was attracted to him as he pulled himself up carefully.
He lowered himself down a few moments later, as Peter watched him in awe.
"I don't know if I'll ever be able to do that," he admitted to the older man, "I don't think my body is built that way."
"It's about the practise," Steve told him with a smile, "It doesn't matter if you can't get it right today or tomorrow, or even the next day. Keep practicing at it, and it'll come. You just have to give it some time."
Peter took a deep breath as he latched onto the rope, and she watched as Steve gave him pointers, talking him through how to pull himself up and balance his weight on the rope.
She smiled to herself, watching her boyfriend give the boy she'd come to think of as one of her own, tips on how to get himself up. And as Peter dropped down, time and time again, barely pulling himself up, Steve never stopped giving him encouragement to get back up and try again.
She swallowed.
He'd make a great parent someday, if he ever decided he wanted children. He was a natural at it, and just watching him and Peter interact, it was clear he cared about her mentee very much.
She wondered what that would mean for her and Steve in the future. Human children had never been something she'd thought about having for herself. She was hardly parent material, and really who would trust her with children? She could barely even remember to feed herself. And she was lucky that her bots didn't require constant food, or who knew what would happen to them?
She cared about Steve. And if she was serious about the man, she knew it was a conversation they might one day have to have.
But for now, she was fine just watching him help Peter, as the boy slowly made his way a quarter of the way up the rope, before he fell back down again. She cheered for him loudly, knowing it was the furthest he'd made it up all day, and he beamed back at her.
"That's enough for today, Peter," Steve grinned at the boy. "You've made incredible progress. Why don't you go take a break while we get Toni up here and see how far she gets."
She paled as Peter laughed at her.
The things she would do for her family.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asked, as she helped Steve carry up his suitcase to the apartment SHIELD had outfitted him with. "You can work out of New York, you know."
"I know," he told her gently, as he stopped outside what must have been the unit he'd been set up with. "But I want to do this. I need to help people, Sweetheart. You know that. And as much as I adore spending my time with you every day, I can't help people from New York."
"I could get SHIELD to set up a branch in New York," she offered half-heartedly.
In reality, her chest wanted to constrict. She knew he wasn't leaving her, nowhere near close. He was just spending a few weeks doing some operations work for SHIELD. But it didn't change the fact that he wouldn't be in the tower with her every day, and that she'd have to settle for phone calls instead.
He dropped his box and kissed her gently, "I'll come back and visit you," he promised her, as he pushed a strand of hair out of her face. "Every moment of free time I get. The Jet flew us here quickly, so think about how long it would take for me to get to you. Plus, Iron Woman is always welcome to fly here and visit me as well."
She wrapped her arms around his waist, "I will," she agreed easily. He dipped his head back down again, pulling her into another kiss. She sighed as she leaned into him. He held her tightly for a moment, and she never grew tired of the feeling of his arms around hers as she buried her face in his chest. He pulled away after a second, and she felt herself missing his warmth already.
"We should get inside," he said, regretfully after a moment. "I'm supposed to be undercover. And I don't think I'll stay that way if I continue to kiss the most intelligent woman in the world. I'm not sure if you're aware, but you're rather well knowing."
She laughed, as she watched him fiddle with the keys. As he opened the door, she followed him in, dropping off his suitcase as she took a look around the small apartment.
SHIELD really didn't spare that many expenses for him, did they?
She wondered if she'd be allowed to spruce it up a little. Undercover or not, her boyfriend deserved a place to come home to. A home away from home. Even if it was far away from her. He should have at least this much.
Instead of this apartment which felt cramped and like it was stuck in the nineties. Yes, Steve might not be the most familiar with technology, but didn't he deserve at least a decent wifi speed?
"It's quite large," he breathed, and she turned around at him, raising a brow in surprise. "I was raised through the Depression, remember? This is far more than I ever had growing up. It's nothing like the home you set me up with, but this is more than I imagined."
"I suppose," she sighed, and he gave her a knowing look.
"Promise me if I say you can upgrade a few things, you won't go overboard trying to make this place as amazing as the tower?" He sighed, giving in to what she was asking for. She nearly let out a cheer of excitement as ideas began running through her head of just what she could do to the place to make it more livable.
"Me go overboard?" she gasped, in mock surprise. "Never. It's like you don't even know me."
He shook his head at her, amused, "A few things, Sweetheart. I'm going to be travelling for the most part anyways. And I hope if I have free weekends, I can use it to visit you. I really don't need too much here."
"Fine," she said, in mock acceptance, "I'll only upgrade the bare minimum. You'll still be living like a heathen; I give you my word."
"And that's all I can ask for," he nodded, as she began pulling out her phone and writing down the things that she needed to upgrade his apartment and make it livable. She knew not everyone enjoyed having technology all through their homes as she did, but at least she could give him a few more things to make his time here more comfortable.
There was a knock on the door then, and she let Steve go answer it as she began to unpack his suitcases carefully. He had packed the bare minimum amount of clothing, and she hoped it meant that he wasn't planning on making his stay in DC permanent.
But she still worried. What if he decided he liked working with SHIELD far more than he liked seeing her?
What if he decided he didn't want to make the effort any longer? What if he decided she wasn't worth making the effort for, and decided to leave her for someone else who was?
"You must be my new neighbour," she heard a female voice say, "I didn't expect you to be so good looking. Welcome to the building. My name is Kate."
"Nice to meet you, Kate," he said, with a nod. "My name is-"
Toni's eyes narrowed, recognizing the voice of Kate far too well, even without seeing the woman who was currently flirting with her boyfriend's face.
"Hello, Sharon," Toni said, walking to the door as she came face to face with one very surprised looking Sharon Carter. "Funny running into you here."
Sharon's eyes widened, as Steve gave her a confused look. And just like that, she supposed she broke the cover of a woman meant to spy on Steve.
