Chapter 15: Heartbreak
"What did I do wrong?"
This was the question that Meredith had asked herself again and again that night. She tossed and turned in her bed, trying to look at the situation from many different views. She shouldn't have moved. She should have called him more often. Maybe she was too easy going? Maybe she was too demanding? She didn't think she'd been a bother. But why else would this happen? Meredith gripped her pillow close to her chest, staring out the window. It was late. Thatcher was probably forcing himself to stay awake on the couch. Meredith guessed that because he couldn't exactly do moment. In any case, she could hear the muffled sounds of a late-night movie fading up to her room. She focused on that. From the sounds of it, the movie was old, and Meredith recognized some of the lines. It was Casablanca. She laid on her back and looked to her phone. Just three hours ago she had been so happy. She passed her math test, she and Derek were getting along better, and the nomads seemed as though they'd be leaving pretty soon. Why? Why did this have to happen when she was so pleased with her day? She shut her eyes and let her mind wander to just three hours previous. It was only about eight or so, and Meredith was getting ready to call Finn, now that her homework was finished. But before she could hit send, his name popped on the screen. She blinked. It was her night to call, so why was he doing it instead? But she answered happily, laying against the bed.
"Hi," she said brightly, hugging her sheets. "I was just about to call you. I had a great day today. I'm passing all my classes. Weird, huh? But anyway, I've been missing you lately. So, I was thinking that this summer – "
"I think we should break up."
Meredith stopped, mid-sentence. She wasn't quite sure if she had heard that right. She sat up, staring at the floor for a moment. "What...?" She shook her head. No, there was no way. Maybe the reception was bad. "I'm sorry, Finn, what was that? I... I think I heard it wrong."
A long sigh came from the other end. "I think we should break up," he repeated. "Look, Meredith... You're a great girl. I just can't do the whole... long distance romance thing anymore."
Meredith could feel her heart slowly sink within her chest, a pain replacing it. She didn't know what to say. She gaped stupidly, like a fish out of water. She was only thankful that he couldn't see her shocked and embarrassed face. "But... but before I left, you said – "
"I thought I could handle it," he continued. "But it's been almost three months. I just... I can't. I'm sorry."
Meredith shook her head. "Was it... something I said? Or did?" Her voice began to grow panicky. "I-I mean... I mean if it's something I said, I take it back. I'm really sorry if I ever – "
"No, Meredith." There was a silence. "No, it's nothing you did." He paused once more. "It was... more of what I did."
Her pained heart began to thud faster. "What? What did you do...?" She could almost hear the tense thoughts that ran through his mind.
"Well..." he began slowly. "You haven't been here... so I've been kinda down because I miss you... So... I went to a party that Cristina threw to try and, you know, get my mind off things?" He stopped, as if waiting for her to say something. She remained quiet, so he continued. "Anyway... I started... well, Cristina was able to smuggle some booze from her dad, so I started drinking. Cristina and I... we started to talk about... things."
"What kind of things?" asked Meredith, her voice now a little angrier.
"... About... God, Meredith, you don't know how hard it is to say this."
"Say it," Meredith snapped. "What exactly did you two talk about?" Her blood began to boil. She knew that whatever it was, it wasn't something Finn would be proud of. She could only guess as to why.
"Fine... We just talked about... you know, regular stuff? And then..."
"And then?" Meredith asked pointedly.
"Then... Well then she invited me into... into her room."
Meredith froze, unaware of how tightly she was holding the phone. She was clinging onto one shred of hope that he wasn't about to say what she thought. She hoped to God that he was going to say that he vomited, that she passed out, or that the cops were called. Anything other than what she feared might come out of his mouth.
"Finn... you didn't..." She gripped the front of her shirt, her face paling. Her voice lowered to a whisper. "Did you have sex with her?" Finn didn't answer. Meredith's fears became greater. "Did you!?" she practically yelled into the phone. "Finn, answer me!? Did you do it with her?! Did you!?"
"Yes, ok?! Yes! I did it! I'm sorry, I was drunk!"
Meredith was glad she wasn't standing up. If she had been, she was sure would have fallen. Her boyfriend... and her best friend. She gripped the side of her bed, phone shaking in her hand. She didn't know what to say or do. Finn was her first serious relationship. She wasn't prepared for something like this. Perhaps this was her own stupidity coming back to haunt her. She should have known that things might not have been so easy after she moved. She knew things would be hard, but to think that Finn would go so far as to... do something like this... When they became serious, she was so sure that he'd stay loyal to her. She didn't give one thought to the appending consequences of having blind faith in someone.
"Are you still there...?" Still, Meredith didn't speak. She was at a loss for words at this point. "Mer..." His pet name for her stung harder than anything else he said. "I screwed up, ok? But... but it's not entirely my fault. I mean... you didn't have to move, but you did. You know how lonely I was when you left? It was going to happen sooner or later, you know."
Meredith closed her eyes. She refused to show tears, even on the phone. "Finn... you said... Before I left, you told me..." Her voice wavered. "You told me that you loved me..."Another long silence.
"Well... I guess I didn't love you as much as I thought."
With a disgusted noise, Meredith hung up and threw the phone across the room. She was so furious. With Finn, with herself... She gripped her sheets until her knuckles became white. So many thoughts were going through her head. She was so angry... She snapped her head up as her phone vibrated. Walking over, she took out the batterie and put the two pieces on her dresser. She then fell to her bed and laid there silently for the next three hours. When she could no longer stand the solitude of her room, she slipped out and migrated to where her father sat. Thatcher looked over to her, his bandaged leg propped up on the table. He smiled.
"Hey, Meredith. Shouldn't you be in bed? It's a little late." Meredith shuffled closer to the couch, and his smile fell, noticing her wrecked state. "Meredith...? What is it? Something wrong?" She stopped, just inches away from the couch. She stared at the ground.
"Daddy...? Do you think... do you think I can stay out here with you for a while?"
He looked at her, worried and confused, but he nodded. "Sure..." He took his crutches and put them to the side, patting the cushion beside him. Meredith sat down and cuddled close to her father, laying her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair fondly, sighing against her. "Meri, what is it? Did something happen?"
Meredith directed her eyes to the black and white film on the television. The stern-faced Rick was giving the meek and timid Ilsa a talking to, asking why she did what she did. Why did she leave him for another man? Did their time in Paris mean nothing? Now, she begged him for help for her husband. Meredith scolded Ilsa in her mind. How dare she take advantage of Rick's kindness? How dare she even show her face to him after betraying his trust? And poor Rick... Still in love with this deceiving snake of a woman. She claimed to love him too, but Meredith didn't believe that for a second. When they kissed after their argument, Meredith wanted to throw something at the TV.
"Meredith?" her father's voice insisted. "You know you can tell me anything..."
Meredith shifted and then laid down so that her head was now on Thatcher's thigh. She didn't feel like talking right now. "I'm ok, Dad," she said softly. "I just... I just want to be out here for a little bit." Thankfully, Thatcher understood, and didn't press the matter further. He pet her head and the two watched the rest of the movie. Meredith could have cussed out the TV near the end. Rick was such an idiot... Helping Ilsa after she broke his heart for another man. Even after all that, Rick let the two of them escape Casablanca, leaving himself behind. Rick was such a moron. Ilsa didn't deserve such consideration...
She would have stayed up all night if she could, but Thatcher shooed her off to bed once the movie was over. So, she trudged up to bed that night, changing and crawling beneath her sheets, though they gave her no comfort. She didn't sleep that night. Instead, she watched as the sun slowly crawled up behind the treetops. She didn't want to go to school. She wanted to lay in her bed, just staring at her window or at the wall. But in order to do that, she would have to have a good excuse. And she didn't want to reveal the conversation that she and Finn had that night. So, begrudgingly, she got up at the sound of her alarm and got dressed. She dressed slower than usual, taking her time with her clothes. The longer she could hide from the world, the better. She wasn't hungry, so instead, she just went outside. Derek was waiting for her as always. Meredith walked straight for the truck without wishing him good morning. Immediately, he sensed something was up.
"What's wrong?" he inquired.
"Nothing."
"Liar."
"So?"
"Are you hurt?"
"No."
"Did someone do something?"
"No."
Derek frowned and crossed his arms. "Meredith, what is it? You look terrible. Did you get any sleep last night?" She turned on the truck and let it warm for a moment.
"Please Derek," she pleaded softly. "Just... leave it alone ok?" She looked at him weakly. His face portrayed one of worry, but he didn't say anything more. They drove quietly to school, Meredith refusing to look at him. When they got to school, they silently made their way to Biology. That period went by fairly quickly, but Meredith's relief that the day might go fast was tarnished when she went to math. Jessica fired off a series of questions, all of which Meredith was not prepared for nor was she going to answer.
"You can't keep quiet forever," she snapped, folding her arms. "Does it have something to do with Creepo?"
"Jessica, just stop it." Meredith sat up right, scribbling notes. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Why? Did he kiss you?" She gasped. "Oooh! You two are in some kind of secret relationship, aren't you?!"
"No, Jessica. Now just – "
"Wait... did he force himself on you?"
"No!" said Meredith, appalled that she would even come to such a conclusion.
"Good... the guy looks like he has at least two STDs."
That just pissed her off. "You don't know shit!" she hissed below her breath. Her bottled up anger was finding a way of being released. It seemed that the blissfully naïve Jessica had been chosen as its target. "Quit thinking every thing's because of him! He's nicer than you know! This isn't even about Derek!"
At first, Jessica was shocked that Meredith swore at her. But she twisted her face into an angry looking scowl when she was finished. "Oh, forgive me for not giving a psychopathic killer a chance. I really should get to know him better!"
"Will you shut up?!" Their voices were louder now, and people were starting to stare. Meredith didn't care in the slightest. "I am so sick of you acting like you know everything!"
"I know more than you do!" Jessica retorted.
Meredith let out a particularly loud snort. "Oh yeah!" she laughed menacingly. "Yeah you really know more than I do!"
"Shut up!" Jessica's face was turning red from embarrassment.
"You listen to me, Jess," Meredith seethed. "You don't know jack, got it? So quit acting like you do!"
"You're one to talk, Boston girl!" Jessica spat back. "Why don't you go back to your damn dessert!? No one wants you here, anyway!"
Meredith stood, causing Jessica to fall off of her chair from being startled. Meredith yelled at the top of her lungs: "You don't know ANYTHING you dumb bitch!"
The entire room went silent. Even the teacher was staring at Meredith in disbelief. Finally, she recollected herself enough to turn a furious face to her student. "Meredith!" she snapped. "To the Dean's office this instant!"
Meredith didn't need to be told twice. Swiping up her things, Meredith stormed out, closing the door to the classroom particularly loud while she fumed her way down the hallway. Perhaps that was a bit harsh. Even so, hearing Jessica say that no one wanted her hurt. Badly.
Well I guess I didn't love you as much as I thought...
Meredith walked into the Dean's office, noticing that he seemed to be also very disappointed in her for her outburst. She was too furious to even respond. She barely registered it when she was told that she was to go home. Her father had been called and he'd be expecting her. When she got home, Thatcher gave her a twenty-minute lecture on how he expected better from her then something like that. Meredith didn't care. She stood there, immobile as he spoke. When he was finished, she turned and moved into her room, locking the door behind her. She noticed the framed picture on her desk. She walked over and picked it up. It was she and Finn, the two of them holding each other and smiling. She wanted to go back to that... back where things were simple. No vampires, no shifters... Just she and Finn... Her hand gripped the frame when she remembered what he told her the night before. He didn't love her as much as he thought she did. Well then that made her the fool in this story, didn't it? He slept with her best friend... She was twice as stupid with that fact thrown in. Her anger began to reach a boiling point, simmering beneath her skin.
She hated Finn. She hated him with all her might. She hated the way he laughed – how happy his smile used to be. She hated how he'd smell of wood shavings and cinnamon, she hated how he had a birth mark on his left thigh. She hated how cute he'd be when he'd try to be romantic. She hated how he'd come by when she was sick and bring a little teddy bear for her. She hated how he let her sit on his lap whenever they went anywhere. She hated how he'd call her pet names and kiss her neck. She hated how he promised that they'd be true to each other even though they were thousands of miles away. She hated everything about him.
She threw the picture as hard as she could on the wall.
It cracked the glass and fell to the ground, laying face down. Surprisingly, it felt good. She ran forward and stomped on it. She became more and more aggressive, slamming her heal down on it over and over again. She then picked it up and yanked it from the broken frame. She ripped it to shreds and threw it to the ground. She went to her bed and picked up the small stuffed animal that he'd given her when she was sick. She tugged at it until the head came off, taking scissors to the rest of its body. Soon, a snow of white fluff sat at her feet. She kicked the toy to the side and fell to her bed. She screamed into her pillow, gripping it tight. Slowly but surely, her grip loosened. She felt exhausted. The entire night of no sleep began to weigh on her, and she passed out, laying on the bed.
Her sleep was dreamless, much to her relief. When she awoke, her eyes directed to her clock. It was about five in the afternoon. She rolled on her back and looked at the mess she made on her floor. She made no effort to clean it up. She liked looking at it. It was like a strange piece of art.
Tap, tap, tap.
Meredith shot up and looked off to the side. Derek was once more at her window, a frown on his features. She looked at him and then looked away. She wanted to be left alone. She heard his faint plea to be let in and she sighed. Walking over to the window, she opened it. "You can come in." He slipped into the room and she sat on the bed, hands covering her face. The springs beside her depressed, Meredith realizing that he sat beside her. There was a pause between the two. Slowly, an arm encompassed her shoulders. He didn't ask her to say anything. Because of this, she began to talk. She told him everything. She told him about how she and Finn promised to stay true, how they planned to visit each other during brakes and during summer... Then she told him about everything that he had said to her that night. Still, she did not cry.
Derek sat there, stoic and staring at the floor. She looked up to him as his eyes were connected to the floorboards. "So... he was really important to you. You really... did love him, right?"
Meredith looked to her shoes. "I thought I did." Now that all of her aggression was out, she began to regret how she acted that day. Her old sense was coming back do her. She smiled weakly, as if attempting to make light of the situation. "But... I guess I should have seen it coming. Boyfriend cheating on you with your best friend. I'm stuck in a cliché I guess." She looked up to Derek, but he wasn't smiling. He turned his own eyes back to hers.
"Meredith...?" She felt her insides tremor as he prepared a question. "Did you lose your virginity to him?"
Meredith's mouth began to gape at him, her eyes widening. How? How could he have known? Then again, it might have been obvious. She turned her eyes to her knees, and finally, tears misted her gaze. She shut her eyes tightly, but there was no use trying to stop them. She nodded, body trembling. She put her hand to her mouth, a couple sharp breaths shooting into her lungs. "Y-yes..." she stuttered, hot tears falling from her face. "I did..." She began to sob, trembling within his grasp. He held her close and she cried on his chest, clinging to him like a lost child. She didn't know how long she cried. She just sat there, bawling her eyes out. "H-he said... He said th-that we wouldn't b-be... Be seeing each other for a long t-time...!" She sobbed even harder, wailing with her mouth open. It felt good to cry. Just as it felt good to throw the picture. But it didn't last too long. Soon, she developed a headache, and her eyes ran dry. Now that her face and eyes were both red and streaked with salt, she reverted to just sniffling, cuddled up against him. His skin was cold, his grip on her comforting and safe. She felt secure, sitting within his arms. And it wasn't long until she stopped crying all together, simply existing within his hold. Finally, she sat up and apologized for being a burden. She felt a cold finger wipe away her tears. She looked up weakly.
"Don't be sorry," he said sincerely.
She looked at him for a moment and nodded. He took her into another embrace. They held one another for a long time, watching as the gray, clouded sky turned black. Meredith's stomach growled painfully. It was only then that she realized she hadn't eaten all day. "I'm hungry," she said suddenly. As if on cue, a knock came to her door. Meredith was about to tell Derek to hide, when in a flash of wind, he ran into her bathroom, shutting the door silently behind him. She sighed and walked over to her door, opening it. Thatcher stood there, a plate of Chinese food in his hands as he leaned on one crutch. They've been eating a lot of it lately. Probably because they delivered.
"I figured you'd want something to eat," he said kindly. She took the plate and thanked him, setting it on the dresser. Thatcher noticed the litter of destroyed objects. "Meredith, I'm worried about you..." She stared at the food a bit more and then walked back to her father. She hugged him around his neck lovingly.
"I'm ok," she said softly. "Thank you Daddy. I love you." He hugged her as best he could while still balancing himself on a crutch. After a small father-daughter moment, he left her room, and she shut the door. Turning around, Derek was back on the bed, waiting for her. She went to her food and began to eat. She didn't know just how hungry she was until she started eating. And she was in such a rush to put food in her mouth that she didn't even care that she was using a fork. Derek waited patiently until she was done.
"Are you going to be alright?" he asked as she put her plate back to her dresser. She looked at her lap.
"I don't know," she said honestly. That day, she wanted so badly to just be alone. Now, she almost feared it. She cast her eyes up to him, timidly. "Can you... can you stay with me tonight? Please?" He agreed without so much as a complaint. After she changed in the bathroom, she came back out and laid down. He sat on her floor, back pressed up to the side of the mattress. Mindlessly, her hand went forward and she began to run her fingers through his hair. It was surprisingly soft. He didn't tell her to stop, so she never did. "Derek?"
"Hm?" he said without looking up.
She shifted. "You can... lay with me if you want." Or rather, she wanted him to lay with her. She was afraid that if he was on her floor, he'd be gone before the sun rose. Again, he agreed and laid stiffly on his side, facing her. They looked at each other for a bit, Meredith's aching heart starting to ease. She closed her eyes slowly, the vision of Derek's face lingering for just a bit longer.
I've never liked Finn... Please read and review...
~ Charlie xoxo
