Author's Note: Due to the extensive requests from my fans, I will be doing an alternate ending for Elsa and Tiana, and because I can't do an Elsa chapter without an Anna chapter, she and Moana get one too. However, since I know some people have already had more than they can stomach of the non-Elsanna ships, I'll be putting it up as a separate story.
Derah: Glad you keep finding yourself having to leave reviews before you mean to. I'm so happy to hear that you loved the courtroom scenes, they've been about as controversial as the slow burn, but they're some of my favorite parts to write. Now, to answer your questions: The story will be 64 chapters, including the two epilogues. And of course there's a villain, just ask Lilo, but other than that, there is, and you'll find out who soon.
Walard: I love how different your opinions on the characters are from Derah's, it's been so interesting to see who all likes what parts of the story. I've read a bit of Only One Year, and really enjoyed it, and am eventually planning on finishing it, I'm just terrible about that.
Thank you all for the great reviews and feedback. I hope you'll all enjoy the developments to come.
'I'm not mad at you. I still want you to stay, I just need some time to process things. I'm at work, I know you're panicking. Don't.' Anna reread the message for the dozenth time. It did nothing to abate her panic. "Elsa," she muttered, leaning back against the headboard. What am I gonna say? I can't believe I did that.
She had about six other messages she'd been ignoring in favor of this one. It wasn't quite what she wanted, but at least Elsa didn't hate her. She finally gave in. Four of them were from Moana. She'd deal with that, but not yet. She needed some strength first. Maybe once she'd talked to Elsa she'd feel better, or at least so much worse about herself that it wouldn't hurt anymore. 'Anna, hurry up, I need an answer.' It was from Nani, she stared at it for a moment before realizing there was a message before it.
'Moana is asking me if I know what happened. What should I tell her? Obviously not that you're in love with your sister, but should I say that you met someone else?' Fuck. I guess I can't wait then. I can't face her, but there's no way I can make Nani do it.
Gritting her teeth, she quickly typed out a response. 'I'll talk to her. Just give me a few minutes.' Not drinking, that's a recipe for disaster when Elsa gets home. She blew out her breath, blinking away tears as she attempted to steady her nerves.
Her phone started to ring. Of course she didn't wait. Unsurprisingly, it was Moana. Anna took another deep breath, she could do this. "Hello?"
"Anna," she choked out a sob, "Nani said to call. Sorry, I'm sure I'm driving you crazy."
I'd have sent way more than four texts. She only even called once. For being dumped with no explanation, I'd say she's being pretty reasonable. "No, it's okay. I owe you an answer." How? What?
"And don't worry, I wasn't like this when I was flying, that would've been a recipe for disaster, I managed to hold it together until about the minute I made it back home." A brief sniffle interrupted her. "You left a shirt."
"Oh. Sorry." What shirt? I hope it wasn't anything too nice.
"It's fine."
Well, this is awkward. "Moana –" Okay, that's a start, what am I saying next? Come on, just keep talking.
"Yes?"
"I'm sorry."
"I don't want an apology, Anna! I want an explanation. What happened? I thought things were going really well with us."
"They were." Do I just tell the truth? I don't think I can. "You're amazing, things were perfect."
"That's not an explanation. Anna, what the hell happened? We were perfect, as you say, calling every night, saying I love you, I thought – I don't know what I thought, but it was really nice. What changed? I just need to know what I did."
"You didn't do anything." God damn it. Fine. I guess I'll just tell her, at least most of it. I can't keep torturing her. "I did. I'm terrible, and you deserve so much better."
"I don't want better – that sounds terrible. I love you, Anna."
"I love you too." I did not mean to say that. "Look, I –" she choked down a sob. No, I can do this. "There's someone I'd known for a long time, and I was in love with her, but I knew nothing would happen and I tried to ignore it, but you're so amazing and don't deserve to be anyone's second choice."
"If nothing can happen with her, then what does it matter? Some old unrequited thing is nothing to worry about. We were happy together, you don't have to leave me over it." I so desperately want to take her up on that. If I could just suppress these feelings for Elsa, then Moana would be perfect for me, and perfect for Olaf, and we could have an amazing life together.
"I kissed her."
The sound on the other end of the phone was somewhere between a gasp, a sob, and someone being tried her best to ignore it. She hated hurting her like this.
"I don't think anything could ever happen with her, but I'm clearly not over her enough for this. I cheated on you, and I just can't do that to you again. You are so wonderful and if I was over these stupid feelings then all I'd want in the world is to fall into your arms and be yours, but as long as I still feel this way, I just can't do this to you. I'm so sorry."
Seconds passed without a response, Anna was starting to think that she'd hung up, when Moana finally said, "Okay."
Huh.
"I feel like such an idiot. I'm always falling for the unavailable girl. Don't call me."
"Moana –"
"Give my love to Olaf, but you're right, we need to be over then. Why does this always happen?"
The call clicked off, and Anna let the phone fall back onto the bed as she held her head in her hands, crying as quietly as she could manage. She didn't want to worry Olaf.
Once she'd collected herself enough, she washed her face off and checked on Olaf. He didn't seem to have heard anything; he was still busy playing the game Moana had given him. Why does that hurt so much? "Mama?" he asked.
She hoped that it wasn't too obvious she'd been crying again. Her eyes were a little puffy, but it hadn't looked too noticeable in the mirror. "Just checking on you. You having fun?"
"Yeah. Did you wanna watch?"
"Not right now." Moana asked me to give him her love. I should, I just don't want to get into that conversation again. "Moana sends her love, I just talked to her."
"Are you two back together?" He beamed up at her, excitedly waiting for an answer. Is he seriously more invested in my relationship than I am?
"No, honey."
"Why not?" he whined.
"I'm sorry. Some things are too tough to explain."
"But you said you would. I waited."
"You'll have to wait a few more years, kiddo. I'm sorry." She ruffled his hair, offering as sympathetic a smile as she could manage in her current state.
"Okay," he grumbled, turning back to the TV. "I'm just gonna play my game then."
Hopefully that doesn't irreparably damage his trust in me. He's never wanted me to leave him alone before. "All right. I'll let you know when we're having dinner."
"Okay."
Swallowing down a lump in her throat, she closed the door behind her and walked downstairs. I'm just disappointing everyone. Damn, I wish I could get drunk right now, but I'm not risking making another move on Elsa like that. I think I may just have to stay sober around her forever.
As if on cue, the front door opened. Anna wanted to run. Elsa stood in the kitchen before her, tossing her purse on the counter. She met her gaze and Anna could swear she took a fearful step back. "Anna –"
"Hi, Elsa," she offered. Don't say 'I love you.' Don't even take a step toward her. You don't have that right anymore.
"Can we talk?"
Biting her lip, Anna nodded. She was so terrified she couldn't say a word, talking may be a bit out of her grasp at the moment.
Elsa gestured toward the couch, sitting in exactly the spot where she'd been when Anna had kissed her the previous night. Anna decided to sit on the recliner across from her. She didn't trust herself any closer than that.
Elsa sighed, nodding as she stared at the coffee table, her mind swirling away. Anna needed to know what was in there, but she wouldn't push, she'd give her all the time she needed. "You're in love with me, right?"
Anna's eyes widened as she attempted to process that question. Every instinct made her want to deny it. She just wanted everything to go back to normal, but it was far too late for that. "Yes."
"Yeah, Gaston told me, though I'd kind of figured it out for myself last night. You gave me a pretty good hint."
She nodded.
Elsa bit into her lip, a finger idly tapping on the armrest. "I don't think I'm in love with you."
"Yeah, of course, I hadn't expected you to be. I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have – done what I did. I'm so sorry." Unable to bring herself to meet Elsa's gaze, Anna watched her own lap. "Can we just go back to normal?"
"Is that what you want?"
"What do you mean?" She looked up, staring at the wall above Elsa's head.
"I'm not saying I'm ready for anything yet, because I'm definitely not, but I kissed you back and I really don't understand why." Cause I'm your type? Just look at Anastasia. "I talked to Albert about you for a while today, and after he shot down all of my objections, I really don't know what I feel about you. People don't just resent their little sister for moving away and then date someone who looks almost exactly like them and has almost the same name, when they only have familial feelings for them, but I didn't think it was any more than that." Wait, really? The Anastasia thing was real? I'm not just crazy? "You kissing me isn't what freaked me out last night, my response to it was."
Anna cleared her throat, trying to bring herself to talk, but all she managed was a slight gasp. This was terrifying, but it was so much more than she could have ever dreamed.
"I'm not saying I'm willing to date you." Then what are you saying? "I still need to figure out what I'm doing about things with Tiana, and I'm going to talk to her when she gets back, hopefully by then I'll have had long enough to process everything. All I'm saying for right now is that I'm not entirely against seeing what could happen between us."
"You mean it?"
"Anna." She stared at the floor at Anna's feet. "Please don't expect anything. I really don't know."
"No, it's okay!" She leapt from her seat, crossing the room to Elsa and kneeling before her, finally meeting those breathtaking blue eyes. "You mean the world to me, and all I care is that I can still be in your life."
"Of course, Anna. I would never do anything like that – again." She swallowed, averting her gaze.
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to."
"I know, Anna." She turned back, Anna taking in a sharp breath when their eyes met. "I just don't know what that is right now, so we're going to find out."
Kiss her. "Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me. You mean the world to me too, and for us to not end up having another falling out, I think we owe it to each other to see where this can go. Just, if I don't end up returning your feelings, please try not to hold it against me."
"I would never." She reached for Elsa's hands before thinking better of it and dropping her hands to her side. "I'm just so glad you're even willing to consider it."
"Tiana is gonna be thrilled." Elsa chuckled, shaking her head. "Unless I end up leaving her. She'd hate that."
"You really think she'd be thrilled?"
"Well, yesterday I said I wasn't going to kiss you and she got all disappointed."
"Wow, Elsa, you couldn't even make it a whole day without kissing me?" She grinned as innocently as possible at her big sister. She could still kick me out.
"I walked right into that one."
"Kinda did." This is how Elsa interacts with her girlfriends. Should we just tease each other all the time now? We used to when we were younger. Did she model her relationships with other women off of her relationship with her sister? I am so okay with that.
"Will you promise me one more thing though? It's kind of ridiculous, and I know it's gonna be tough."
"Not to call you my sister? I can manage that."
She blinked and cocked her head, considering this. "That could help. I was just going to say to just relax and just hang out as sisters – so I guess just as friends, until Tiana gets back. I don't want to do anything until I sort things out with her, and this is not a conversation that I'm having with her over the phone. Especially since she'd no doubt try to get me to drag you into the bedroom and let her listen, and I am nowhere near ready for that."
Anna felt her cheeks warming. I am. I'm very ready for that right now. Holy fuck. "I can do that."
"Good." She sighed, rising from the couch. "Want to have dinner? Eating Tiana's food feels weird when I just said all that, so how about I show you my favorite pizza place?"
"Sounds amazing. I'll go get Olaf."
"He'll probably hate it, but we can get him one someplace else on the way back."
Anna called in their orders, a Margerita pizza for Elsa and a meatball for herself, as it was the most normal thing on their menu and one of the only items in English. They stopped at a bakery and grabbed two slices of pizza for Olaf and a cupcake each, and by the time they made it to Motorino's, their pizzas were ready. They weren't going to try to let Olaf eat outside food in the restaurant, so they took it all home. Anna had to remind Olaf to wait, as he was not getting sauce in Elsa's BMW. He only relented when Elsa told him.
"This is delicious," Anna said. "Elsa, why hadn't you showed me this place yet?"
"I'm sorry, that was mean of me."
Anna risked a glance to her. She had some marinara on her chin, and Anna wanted to wipe it off for her, do that romantic move that's in every movie, but she promised that she'd behave. "You've got some sauce on your chin."
"You have some on your blouse."
Anna wiped the marinara from her chest. Was she staring at my tits? She smiled back and turned back to the TV. They'd let Olaf put on some show that he liked, and Anna had to admit she rather enjoyed it too. They watched it together every week; she was trying to not look too into it in front of Elsa. Why? She knows I'm a mom, wouldn't that just make her think I'm a good mom?
Anna had taken the couch this time and Olaf sat on the far end of it. He was clearly still pretty upset about earlier. I'm not feeling like that great of a mom. "This is a good episode, right Olaf?"
He shrugged.
Yep, I have a teenager, just eight years early. "Honey?"
"It's okay." He took another bite of his pizza and returned his attention to the show.
"Well, how's your food?"
"Okay."
That's really all he'll say to me now, isn't it? "Well Elsa, how's yours?"
She smiled at her, making Anna's heart flutter. Are we really going to – I don't know, date? This is really happening? I'm still so overwhelmed by everything, I can scarcely believe it. "It's even better than usual. Maybe it's the company."
Anna almost choked on her bite. Does that mean I'm better company than Tiana? I know that's not how she meant it, but it would imply that, right? There's no way she'd actually leave Tiana for me, is there?
A little after the show finished, Olaf took his plate to the sink and asked, looking directly at Elsa, "Can I have my cupcake in my room?"
She glanced to Anna who just shrugged. "Sure, but eat it over a plate."
"Yes, sensei." He grabbed it and headed off.
"What was that about?" Elsa asked, turning to Anna. "He's acting really weird."
Anna shook her head. "Not really."
Elsa carried their cupcakes over and, after straightening her dress, sat down next to Anna. The proximity was already leaving Anna feeling substantially heated. Why do we have to be platonic this week? "What happened?"
She sighed. "He's just really upset with me. He can join the club."
"I'm not upset with you."
"I am. Although I'm pretty happy with how it turned out."
A faint smile traced its way across Elsa's lips. Anna needed to taste them again, to feel their supple warmth against hers. "Anna, you didn't do anything wrong."
"Yeah, I did. I cheated on Moana."
She blinked. "You told Olaf that we?" Her eyes darted toward the stairs. "Why isn't he mad at me then?"
"Of course, I didn't tell him that!" I'm not insane. Completely. At least in that way. "I told him that I'd broken up with Moana. They were really close and he's not taking it well. He really wanted her to end up as part of the family."
"You didn't have to do that."
Anna gave her a sad smile and shook her head. "I really did. She would always be my second choice. It didn't matter how much I loved her, I cheated on her –"
"I'd hardly call it –"
"I kissed you, and I'd do it again, any second you'd want." Elsa flushed, causing Anna's smile to grow somewhat less bitter. "She didn't deserve that, so I had to end things. I wasn't going to keep being with someone while actively trying to be with someone else."
"Well, fuck." Elsa sighed, leaning back in the couch and peering up at her. She stopped short of putting her feet in Anna's lap, instead just leaving them on the floor. "I know how much Moana meant to you. I never wanted – I'm so sorry, Anna."
"It's not your fault. At all. I'm the one who kissed you."
"I kissed back."
She did. I'm going to savor that forever, no matter what more happens. "Unlike Tiana, there's no way Moana would be okay with it. It's okay if you stay with Tiana, I'm fine with being your second choice."
"Anna," she groaned, sitting back up, tear-rimmed blue eyes peering into Anna's own. "You'd never be my second choice. You're the most important person in the world to me, I just don't know in what way."
"Sorry. I just meant that it's okay if you don't break up with Tiana."
"If I leave her, it won't be because of this." Screwing her eyes shut and clenching her teeth, Elsa tossed her head back, sending her lying down again. "Fuck. I never decided what I wanted there. Your kiss kind of distracted me."
"Sorry."
"I didn't say it was a bad kiss."
Anna's heart was beating so fast that for a moment she was worried she may be having a heart attack. "Come again?" I practically did.
"You heard me. Just being honest." She held her hand up, staring at the sparkling diamond on her finger. "She's trying to be better. I know she is. She even called last night. It just doesn't change our issues. She's never here, she wants kids, and she always seems to expect me to be the one giving everything up, no matter how much she says otherwise."
"I don't think I'm exactly the best person to talk to this about. I'm pretty biased." And I have a kid, so if that's a deal-breaker, we might need to talk about that. Even with how he's behaving right now, he will always matter most.
"Perhaps not. I'm asking anyway."
Anna let out a shaky breath, staring down at her sister – her friend. "Well, as someone who was in a marriage that they probably shouldn't have been in — though it did produce Olaf — I guess I'd just say when you imagine yourself with her in ten years, do you think you'd be happy?"
She sighed, her hand falling to the floor. "Probably. We get along really well, it's fun hanging out with her, and the sex is amazing. I love her, but we really don't want the same things anymore. I'm not as work-obsessed as she is, but I still love my job and don't want to give it up to be her housewife, and at the same time, she's still so focused on her own job that she's only even in town maybe one week a month. It might die down eventually, but she sure doesn't seem to want it to."
I'm not going to counsel the woman I love to leave her fiancee. "Have you talked to her about this?"
"Some. Not enough. She just doesn't get it. Especially the kid thing."
"You do know I have a kid too."
"We will deal with that next week, platonic only right now, remember? Though for Olaf, I'm already his aunt, and even being a live-in aunt isn't the same as actually raising a child with Tiana."
So she wouldn't want to help with Olaf? Well, she already does. What exactly would it change? "You really wouldn't want to – Sorry."
"I don't know. I do care a lot about Olaf, I would certainly help look after him, but that's just it, I clearly don't hate kids. Maybe Tiana's right, and I would come around to it. I just never really had any desire to have my own, and she seems dead set on it."
"You could adopt?"
Elsa shrugged. "I don't know. I'm going to talk to her about everything when she gets back, I guess. I just need time to sort out all of my feelings."
Do not kiss her. That would be the worst thing I could possibly do here. "Want to suppress all of our conflicted emotions with the power of chocolate?"
She quirked an eyebrow at her, meeting her gaze. "That sounds amazing actually."
So they did just that. They had their cupcakes, as well as some rocky road ice cream that Elsa had in the freezer, and just did their best to relax. It wasn't a date, though it wasn't as far from it as it could have been. They were just two women, who'd kissed, bingeing on chocolate and shitty Netflix movies. It was perfect.
When Elsa went to bed, Anna was still far too excited to sleep, despite how exhausting the day had been. For the last hour, Elsa had draped an arm around her shoulder and hadn't bothered to move it. She'd almost leapt out of her skin, but she'd forced herself to stay still. Elsa hadn't moved any further than that, and it was far from un-sisterly affection, but it had felt like so much more.
She had to call Giselle.
"Don't tell me you actually slept with her?" she asked. "Please do tell me that. Oh god, you did."
"No!" I wish. "We talked."
"Yeah, what did she say?"
Anna found herself grinning ear to ear. "Nothing too much. She just said she wasn't sure what she felt and that she was up for exploring it."
"No fucking way!" Giselle shouted. "Oh my god this is a dream come true. I mean in my dreams you've already had your way with her at this point — or the other way around — but I'll take it. Oh my god, Anna, this is so amazing. I'm so happy for you."
"Don't get all excited yet. She still hadn't decided anything. She says she's not in love with me, but she's really not sure what she feels. She did say I was a good kisser though."
"I bet you are."
Anna paused. "How are you straight?"
"Believe me, Esmeralda is pretty annoyed by that too. It seems to still be quite true, tried kissing her, felt nothing."
"Wow. I didn't think anyone could not feel something when Esmeralda kissed them. She's kinda amazing."
"Better kisser than Elsa?"
Kind of. But it was just our first kiss, and it was awkward, and scary. It was still good and magical, but it was stopped so quickly that it didn't really get to be anything more than that. "I'll have to do some more research."
Giselle giggled. "Good. Kiss the hell out of her. Kiss every inch of her."
"Hoping to." Anna collapsed into her bed. This just felt so creepy. They were supposed to be friends, it was still her sister, and she was just across the hall. "You really think is okay? I'm not some horrifying freak or anything for wanting this? Nani still thinks I should get therapy."
"Nani can fuck off. Your love is beautiful and pure and a little hot." Just a little? "You and Elsa are perfect for each other, and now it sounds like she might feel it too. I mean didn't you say that she had an ex-girlfriend who looked just like you? Come on, she's clearly been repressing this for years. The girl's crazy for you."
"I hope you're right." She threw the blanket over her head. "We're supposed to be platonic this week though, until Tiana gets home. I need to stop this, at least for now."
"Wow, not even gonna think of her before bed?"
Anna rolled her eyes. "What is wrong with you?"
"I just believe in your love."
"We'll see. I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up. I feel like I've wanted this my whole life, even though I know it's just been a few months, and it's so close, I just want to reach out and take it, but if I do, then I'll ruin any chance of it. And it might never happen, anyway. I need to remember that."
"It'll happen. I know it will." She sounded so sure of herself that Anna couldn't help but believe it, at least a little.
"Maybe you're right."
"I am."
Her cheeks hurt from how hard she was smiling. "Holy shit. I'm gonna get together with my – with Elsa."
"Sure sounds like it."
Suddenly, Anna found herself drained. She'd had such a roller coaster of emotions pent up within her, finally saying that out loud was like letting a tidal wave drag her along. She still had to make Olaf forgive her — maybe she should buy him a few dozen video games — and she still felt miserable over what she'd done to Moana, but the hope for a bright future was looming so near, that it was almost overwhelming. Elsa could be my girlfriend. "I'm gonna go to sleep. I'm completely exhausted."
"Have fun. You should try asking Elsa if you can join her."
"I'm hanging up now. Have a good night."
She fell asleep almost instantly and Elsa filled her dreams. Some of them were of her losing her, once even literally in a maze, but most of them were of them together, happy, with Olaf, just living the life that part of her must have always wanted. It was the best sleep she'd had in months.
The next few days went by the much the same way. Olaf was still upset, but he at least was starting to be willing to talk to her, and Elsa was spending almost every waking second with her. The physical affection was rare, but it happened, and they talked about everything. She was dreading Tiana coming home almost as much as she was excited for the week of enforced platonicity to end. It came sooner than either of them expected.
