Waking up to a beautiful naked woman in your bed is never a bad way to start your morning. Anna had been absolutely ravenous the last few days – though Elsa suspected that was in part to try to take her mind off of her recent issues. It was working too, at least when Anna wasn't at work and Elsa was left to stew in her own thoughts all day. Surprisingly, Tiana had been keeping her company a good portion of the time then, but things were still a little tense there.
"Good morning." Anna yawned, the lump of red hair around her bouncing as she moved closer. "You sleep okay?"
"Thanks to you."
"Well then, maybe we should go for a morning round too."
"Anna!" Ravenous is putting it lightly. "You have work in just over an hour."
"The sun's not even up yet, it can't be that soon. And we can make it a quickie."
Who am I to say no to that? "Oh, all right," she sighed, straddling her partner. "But if you're late for work, then no more morning sex on school days."
"Yes, m – Right, fine."
"You have overused that joke so much. It'd be a bit of a mood killer right now."
"Did it kill the mood already?" Anna traced a finger along Elsa's hip bone.
"Not quite."
After their fun, Anna left for school with only fifteen minutes to spare, and needing Nani to drop off the kids. Elsa expected that she wouldn't actually be late, but it still seemed to be violating at least the spirit of the deal.
Tiana hadn't come round yet, and Nani was already out delivering packages, so Elsa was stuck with nothing to do. The old shows she'd used to watch with Tiana were not as interesting when they were the only option, and reading books only kept her attention for a chapter or two before the general malaise would start to set in.
She missed work. It had crossed her mind to try finding a legal clinic to volunteer at, or even to start applying to more law firms, but even with the NDA, she didn't trust that word wasn't going around. Anya had had more than enough time to blab it to who knew how many people before she'd signed it. Even still, it seemed unlikely that a legal clinic would turn down someone with her skills and experience.
Grabbing her laptop and a bottled water, Elsa began looking up the various legal clinics in town. There were a lot more than she'd expected, and it wasn't any different than the work she'd started doing since the last Kuzco case. The money wasn't what really mattered, right?
Before she could convince herself that that was the case, and that she had actually grown over the last year, her phone started to ring from its spot on the coffee table. Staring at it, she didn't recognize the number, but she didn't have anything better to do, so she picked it up and answered. "Hello?" Please don't be someone who heard shit from Anastasia and is calling up to harass me. It hasn't happened yet, but I've been waiting for it.
"Elsa." She recognized that sickly smooth voice.
"Facilier." Let the mockery commence.
"So, I heard about your situation." I hate being right. "Now that certainly is a shame, your firm let go of you. It's been a few days now, I don't suppose you've already found work elsewhere? Or perhaps you only let them buy you out because there was someplace else you wanted to be?"
Wait, does he actually not know? There's no way everyone obeyed the non-disclosure agreement. "I was just looking into one." She didn't want to give anything more away, who knew what he might be after.
"Well then, look no further. You've found one."
"Come again?"
"I want you."
Elsa grit her teeth, staring at the phone pressed against her cheek. "You know I'm gay. We've been over this repeatedly."
"Not in my bed – well, unless you've finally come around – I want you to work for me. You'd be an amazing assistant district attorney. Oh, and I know, it's such a cut in pay, but it's more prestige than you'll likely be able to find anywhere else. I know you, surely you wouldn't be happy just wasting your talents at some no name firm, or just working at what – a legal clinic?" Did he hack my computer? No, my ego is visible half a mile away, he just knows me. "So, come work for me. Please."
"Why exactly would I ever want to work with a creep like you?"
"You worked with Gaston? Surely, I'm not any worse. I'm well aware of some of his more legendary deeds. I'm just surprised I never had to prosecute him for anything."
Grinding her teeth, Elsa tried not to defend her friend. He did deserve it, no matter how much it hurt to hear. "Well, unlike you, he actually got better." I can defend his present behavior, just not his past behavior. That's not cheating.
"Well then, clearly I just need you as an influence. So, what do you say?"
"Again, it's ridiculous."
"That's not a no. I think you're well aware of the rumors going around." That answers that. "Not that I put any stock in them of course, no matter how enticing they may be, but I know that others may. And, because of that, I know that there's absolutely no chance you'll ever try to run as DA. You'd simply be unelectable. So you are, without a doubt, the best attorney I could possibly hire, without any chance of you trying to take my job next election."
That sounds more like him. "Coming from you, that may actually be a compliment."
"Oh, I assure you, it is one. Now, what must I do to convince you to work for me? Come now, Ms. Agnarrsen," wow, he's attempting to be respectful, "What will it take to get you to sign? I can give you anything you need. Except, of course, competitive pay."
Despite herself, Elsa laughed.
"Now that is a good sign."
"I'm not working for ADA pay. I'd make more on investments than a government salary."
"What if I can arrange for you to make extra? After all, I'm an unethical creep, I'm sure I can find something in the budget that I could earmark for you."
"How the hell are you the one in charge of prosecuting criminals?"
"I'm very charismatic. Voters love me."
She sighed. I don't want to go along with this. I should just suck up my pride, go work in a clinic, or maybe find some small firm that isn't as connected and would want me. Hell, I could probably sign on as a partner if I did that. It wouldn't have the prestige, but it would work, and I'd be able to do things my way. Or hell, I could start my own firm like that bitch did. But none of that sounded as appealing. Prosecution had never been her interest, but having the chance to do something significant, even if it was for the other side, was just too alluring. "Double pay. I don't get out of bed for five figures."
"Of course. I can manage that no problem. I thought you'd want something impressive."
"I can do the work of any two of your lawyers. I can justify getting double pay, I can't justify exploiting the tax payers for seven figures."
"You sell yourself short, you're worth at least five regular lawyers. And you severely overestimate government budgeting if you think that the money wasn't going to just go to something pointless anyway. In fact, I was planning on taking this out of the ash tray budgets."
"It's New York. We can't smoke inside."
"I'm well aware."
God. Am I really willing to do government work? "I could still absolutely win the next election as DA. All I'd have to do is expose you for this."
"For taking 70 grand from the ash tray budget? I don't think they'd care."
How much do they spend on ash trays?! "But I'm worth five normal lawyers. I'd make them care."
"Well then, I suppose we both have each other by the short hairs. Exactly my favorite place to be. My safe word is cumquat."
"I hate you."
"I'm well aware. But, now you get to hate your boss, which I assure you is a time honored American tradition."
Did I already agree to this? Shit, I did didn't I. "I haven't signed anything yet."
"I don't suppose there's any chance you have a fax machine? They won't let me just email this stuff."
"I do not, because this isn't the 90s."
"Then you'll just have to come in. I'll buy you lunch."
Fuck it. Fine. I guess I'm a prosecutor now. I feel dirty just thinking about it, and that's before you even take Facilier into the equation. Sorry, Eugene, Ellenor, Bobby, and everyone else. Except Alan, he'd be fine with this. God, he'd love Facilier. She stared at the box set that Anna had given her. They'd watched half a season since she'd lost her job, and it had made her all the more desperate to get back out there and start working again. It was a big part of why she'd fallen in love with the legal profession in the first place.
Oh well. They can't judge me. I've had infinitely less disbarment hearings than any of them. She snatched her keys from the bowl by the door, grabbed her purse, and headed out to sell her soul to the devil – for a very reasonable price.
It felt like ages since the last time she'd been to the DA's building, though it had only been a couple months. Back then, she and Anna hadn't even been together. In fact, that was kind of why I was here. She pulled open the worn wooden door, and found Pan sitting in the common area, where the assistant DA secretary would normally be. He was leaning back in his chair, his ill-fitting blazer hanging off of his shoulders, with his feet on the desk, and he barely stopped himself from falling when his eyes landed on Elsa.
"Petey, why are you out here?" She decided to spare him the embarrassment of acknowledging his little mishap.
"No reason. Nothing. My chair's not broken. Why are you here? You never come around unless it's to threaten me in a case and I don't have anything against you. Didn't you retire?" He sounded panicked, which she supposed was fair given that his heart was likely still racing after that near miss.
"Pete, come on. We've patched things up."
"Well yeah, but – why are you here, Ms – Elsa?"
"So, that monster didn't tell you then?"
He cocked his head, sliding his feet down to the floor. "Mr. Facilier? He's not a monster. He's the best boss I've ever had."
Whatever. I'll let him have it. Maybe he'll eventually mellow Facilier out. "He's offered me a job."
"Not mine, though, right? Abigail's?"
He hadn't technically specified, but she was assuming it was the office that was empty and had no name on it. "I don't think I'm taking anyone's."
"Right, 'cause she quit."
"Sure."
"So…" He stared at her, chewing on his lip. "You're really willing to work with me?"
It was a fair question. Even now that they were getting along, it didn't change a lifetime of making him feel like an idiot. "I managed to go through school with you."
"Yeah, and you didn't seem to like it too much."
Not laughing was difficult, but it would be too much of an admission. "Sure, it could be fun. Who knows, maybe we'll even get to do a case together some time." As if the DA's office would ever waste resources like that.
"I'd love that. You could finally see what I'm like when I'm up against someone other than you." His smile wasn't quite cocky, or even confident, but it was at least in the general vicinity of proud.
"So, can I go see about getting this job?"
"Facilier's not in right now."
"Of course, he isn't." Asshole. No, that's mean to Gaston. Dick.
"Yeah, he just went out to get food. He gets us all lunch every day."
"Come again?" The hell he does. That man doesn't have a generous bone in his body!
"Yeah!" He grinned, and Elsa finally realized what it looked like. It wasn't proud, well, it may have been, but not in an adult sense. It was Olaf's smile! "Today's Chinese food. He always tells them there's ten of us so we can each have two fortune cookies."
Does it count as generous if he's having other people give on his behalf? Well, he's still getting the food and doing it in the first place. It's so suspicious. "And he doesn't have you all chip in or anything?"
"Nope." He shook his head.
"Is this why he's a great boss?"
"Well, that and a bunch of other reasons. I know how cold he likes to act, just like you, but it really isn't him."
"Is this the general opinion or just yours?"
He chortled. "Hey, Cal!" he called toward a door that had C. Rogers on a bronze plaque to its side.
"Food's here?" a voice asked back.
"No, he hasn't gotten back yet. Do you think Facilier's a good boss?"
"Yeah, 'course!"
Of course he'd say that, he's being given food. "Thanks. What about you, Amelia?"
No response came.
"Amelia?!"
Rolling her eyes, Elsa walked over and knocked on the door. When no one still responded, she tried the door knob.
A middle aged woman inside pulled out earbuds. "Hello?"
"Sorry," Elsa replied.
"Amelia, do you think Facilier is a good boss?" Pete asked.
"Fuck no," she said back.
That's about what I'd expected. Though he's an equal opportunity predator, so it's still a bit of a surprise that the men seem fine with it, normally they have an even thinner skin. I guess that's why they're still around. "Any reason why not?"
"He's an unprofessional layabout who will just arbitrarily decide not to prosecute criminals, no matter how obvious the case is."
That doesn't sound like a bad thing. God damn it, he's terrible, how is it this hard to vilify him? "Like murderers?"
"Like those fucking junkies."
Her eyes narrowing, Elsa stared at the angry old bitch. "Wow, not prosecuting drug offenders, truly he's the worst DA in New York's lengthy history."
"Damn right." She spat into a cup. Elsa wasn't sure if she hoped that it was for emphasis or tobacco, they were equally gross in their own ways.
"I prefer to think of myself as the second worst," Facilier's slimy voice said, announcing his presence as the door swung shut behind him. He heaved a handful of plastic bags, already piping out various aromas, onto the desk. "No one could be worse than Schurmann. I hope you like orange chicken, I think I got ten pounds of it."
"Why do your employees like you?"
"I told you, I'm charismatic."
"Plus, he gives us food," a man who emerged from C Roger's door said. Elsa assumed he was Cal.
"Can I talk to you in your office?" she asked. "We do have all that paperwork to go over."
"Of course. Peter, if you hear me screaming, wait out here." Grabbing a few boxes of food, he opened a door by the entrance, with his name on it in blocky letters, revealing another large room with another secretary's desk, this one with an actual legal secretary behind it. "Right this way, Ms. Agnarrsen."
How is him being nice even creepier? It was too late to turn back now, she'd come too far. Elsa followed after him, entering another door, also with his name on it, this time in gold. He had sure changed the place up since he started. Where does he get his budget?
"So, Elsa, I can't believe you're here. You're really taking me up on my offer."
"So long as you mean the job one, and not the desk sex one."
"I was hoping for both, but I'll live with just the former." Spinning around in his chair, he yanked open a drawer behind him and pulled out a binder, laden with papers. "This should be everything. You'll need a background check, but I genuinely don't care, so you can start before then."
"What if I'm a criminal?" She smirked.
"Oh, you are, Elsa, we both know that."
A stone seemed to be forming in her stomach.
"And I don't give a damn. Fuck any family member you wish, just so long as they can give consent."
"That's rich coming from you."
"Oh, please. I'm just a shameless flirt."
"That's one word for it."
Beaming at her, he opened one of the boxes, revealing steamed rice, and the other two, revealing chicken. "I forgot to grab the egg rolls and fortune cookies, so we'll just have to hope they save some for us."
"I'll live." She grabbed one of the boxes of chicken. Her appetite wasn't quite back, but she was starting to realize that she hadn't eaten yet – excluding Anna. Anyway, she liked having something to chew on while she went over documents. It kept her mind clear. She flipped through the pages, reading thoroughly, not willing to miss anything in the small print. It was all pretty standard, she was expecting to have to sign away her first born, but she just had to submit to a background/credit check and fingerprinting.
"So, anything else you need to turn it into a yes? You're looking awfully hesitant. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone actually read that contract."
"Then you hire terrible lawyers."
"Well, in all fairness, everyone was already working here when I started."
She tried to hold it back, but Elsa couldn't help but laugh. Maybe he really was charismatic. "Everything seems in order." I just don't want to do it. He's apparently at least a decent DA – though he never acted like it – but am I really willing to work for this man?
"Then what's the issue? Do I need to double my offer? I'll do it. I want you here. You're an amazing lawyer, and I would love to take advantage of you."
That one, she could let slide. It was at least witty. "You're really willing to use the budget for that?"
"Of course! If I don't, then they won't give me as much next year. Normally, I use it for wine and port, but my cellar is full right now, and I'm running out of things to embezzle it for that wouldn't be too obvious."
She could just take the money. She could take his corrupting offer, and just be at least moderately comfortable, even if it wouldn't be near as nice as her old pay. What was stopping her? Oh, right. My conscience. "I'll take the job, on one condition."
"That I institute casual Fridays? I tried it, but you do not want to see the kind of t-shirts Calbraith wears. Now that would be a law suit."
Coming from him, that was legitimately terrifying. "No. Not that. Never that." Elsa didn't do casual anything. "If you're going to be taking the money anyway –" Then make me have my old paycheck. You could at least match equity. "Split it between all four of your ADAs. Look at Pete, he's probably still paying off his student loans, and he's wearing suits off the rack. How do you expect a jury to take him seriously?"
A piece of chicken dropped, halfway to his mouth. He blinked. "Honestly, I just always picture him naked. I never noticed."
I could still take it back. At least ask for the part that would go to Amelia. She doesn't sound like she deserves it. "It's Manhattan. There's no way they can afford to live on a government paycheck, unless they're commuting from New Jersey, and my house is full."
"If that's what it takes to get you. I can do that."
So, that's that then. I guess I'm doing it. "I still need to finish reading this."
"Take your time."
She did, and it was as boilerplate as it had looked. Not even a single pervy addendum snuck in as part of a list of other things. Elsa reached into her purse and produced a pen. She stared at the line for a long moment, she could still take it back, she didn't have to do this. She could go do one of those other ideas.
They'd never satisfy her. The pen rested on the paper, and in a smooth flourish, she signed her name in each spot, one by one. She'd finally done it. She was a prosecutor.
"No fucking way!" Belle cried.
"'Fraid so."
"You're working for that dick! I mean, I'm so glad that you already found a new job, I know how it was getting to you, but Facilier?"
"I know."
"Ugh. It's just wrong."
"What's so bad about him?" Anna asked. She had been far less dramatic when Elsa had told her, mostly just insisting on celebratory sex. Seriously, is she in heat?
"Everything!"
Elsa wasn't anywhere near a point where she was willing to defend him yet. "He has offered to sleep with pretty much every single person he's ever met."
"So?"
"In a creepy way," she added.
"Oh."
Belle shuddered. "Yeah. Are you sure about this?"
If only she wasn't. "I am. I want do this. It keeps me in the game, and not having to go down to the minor leagues or anything. Hell, I'll even get to go up against you and Albert, and that'll be fun."
"Go easy on me?" She gave Elsa an awkward smile, looking more than a little worried.
"Not on your life."
Belle smirked, leaning back in her chair. "Fine, then I guess I'm just going to have to get good enough to beat you. I am a partner after all."
"If anyone can do it." Eh, her or Mia. I could live with either.
"Please, no one could ever beat you," Anna added, beaming up at her. She was the only person who possibly worshipped her more than Belle did.
"It's not like I've never lost. Pan managed to beat me once." Not including 'even' in that sentence was so difficult.
"And I'm doing it next."
"We'll see."
"But you're sure you're okay with it?" Anna asked, dragging her attention back to the topic at hand. "I mean, you'll be happy?"
Gazing into those warm teal eyes, Elsa realized that, despite just how much things had not gone according to her plan, all she'd had to sacrifice and compromise, and all that had changed, that she really was happy. Happy hadn't even been a major contender for her plan for so long that it was strange to think of. "Yeah," she said, slipping her fingers between Anna's. "I really am."
