a/n: hi all,
A quick clarification from last chapter: there is a slight discrepancy between Kate Kane's birthday in this story and Kate Kane's birthday on the show. On the show, Kate's birthday is January 26. In the comics, her birthday is March 21. I'm not sure why this was changed for the show - I imagine the storyline at the time contributed to it, but I've gone ahead and revised this detail to match the comic books. There are some subtle bits from the comics I've begun distributing through the story - namely the Murder of Crows and the character of Renee Montoya, but obviously if you're a reader of the comics you know they aren't playing their original/exact selves.
Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Hopefully the wait for this next chapter was worth it.
Cheers,
EQT.95
"You're quiet again."
"Hm? Oh," Sophie said, pulled from her thoughts. "Would you believe me if I said I was really focused on this Physics homework?"
"Well, first, that's your Calculus book, so: no. And second, you have no poker face, so, again: no."
Sophie glanced at the book in front of her in surprise. She could have sworn she'd been working on physics before her mind wandered.
"Have you two worked it out?" Melvin asked, alluding to her and Kate.
After Sophie had called Kate from James' phone, she hadn't reached out again. Melvin was the one to call later that Saturday to check in with Kate. He had the call on speakerphone, and Sophie couldn't help but note Kate sounded especially distant. The call was less than three minutes long and filled with a lot of 'it's fine' and 'don't worry about it', but Kate's tone didn't suggest it. Sophie couldn't tell whether this distance was because it was the anniversary of her sister and mom's death, that Melvin had forgotten the day, or that Kate was hiding something more.
It was only when Melvin pressed Sophie after the call about why she hadn't spoken up that she admitted to calling earlier and relayed the news that Kate wasn't exactly alone. 'Babe' was there.
Melvin, to his credit, was shocked by the news. Kate was many things, but elusive was not one of them - not to Melvin - at least he thought. He'd credited himself with being Kate's secret keeper and felt hurt that she'd have kept something like this news from him. He privately wondered what could have compelled her to hide it in the first place: she wasn't one to shy away from her orientation, and he couldn't imagine that being the reason. A small part of him wondered if she was worried about Sophie's reaction. Perhaps it was a fellow student and Kate was worried the information in the wrong hands could result in expulsion. He quickly dismissed this though: if she wasn't willing to put Sophie's enrollment in danger, he couldn't see her doing it with anyone else.
James confirmed she was spending her break in Gotham, and that opened a whole world of possibility for Kate's mystery girl: it wasn't a secret Kate had a few exes, most of which she was still on good terms with. Perhaps it was one of them.
Still, that didn't explain why Melvin didn't know. He recognized that their conversations had dwindled over the last week or two, but a new relationship also didn't feel like something Kate would have rushed into - especially given her history with and feelings for Sophie.
Over spring break week, Melvin messaged Kate sporadically to check in with her. There was nothing atypical about her communication, and Melvin began feeling more and more hurt by her not sharing her new beau with him. Halfway through the break he almost confronted her about it, but he didn't want that conflict on top of everything else. He still felt bad that he and Sophie had been so caught up in maintaining their charade that they'd both forgotten two important dates.
As the week progressed, another part of him wondered if she was holding a grudge against him for forgetting her birthday, but he also recalled her very explicitly stating she hated celebrating her birthday. It wouldn't be like her to hold something this inconsequential against him. He wasn't so sure about March 23, though.
"Not exactly," Sophie replied.
"Meaning?"
"Meaning 'no', Mel."
"It's Melvin," he shot back jokingly before quickly sobering. "I haven't actually talked to her much, either," he admitted.
It was Saturday; Kate had returned the previous Saturday evening at the tail end of spring break. Sophie had been in the room when she arrived packing a bag for the following night to stay at Melvin's. James had been invited to his girlfriend's after weeks of probation, and Sophie planned to use it as an opportunity to keep up expectations with Melvin while avoiding Kate for one more day. Unfortunately she had timed her return to the room all wrong:
"Oh, hey," Sophie said in surprise. "You're back early."
"Yea, it looked like rain tomorrow."
"No Easter celebrations?"
"Jewish, remember?"
"Right… right. Sorry, I knew… I mean… I don't even know why I said that - I didn't...I just didn't think you'd be back till later…"
"Going somewhere?" Kate asked, nodding at Sophie's backpack.
"Uh…"Sophie replied, suddenly unsure how to respond.
"Didn't realize you two were getting so cozy. Barely anyone here," Kate said, alluding to the fact it made no sense for Sophie to keep up appearances when most of campus was still away on break. She was clearly reading Sophie's packing as a sign that she intended to be at Melvin's that night.
"Well, actually, Mel-"
"Got it. Should I be expecting James?"
"Oh, no. He's uhm - what is that?" Sophie asked, distracted by the round, black spherical object in Kate's hand. "Is… is that a helmet?"
Kate glanced down at her hand as though she'd forgotten she was carrying it. "Oh, yea."
"For what?"
"My bike."
"What, like a moped? That's a bit overkill, don't you think?" Sophie asked, thinking about all the rich-kid vespas navigating the campus paths. She was surprised Kate would follow the trend, but she was starting to realize maybe she didn't know Kate as well as she thought.
"I guess?"
"I assume your butler in the parking lot unloading it from a trailer, too?" Sophie asked without thinking. She froze, suddenly unsure why she'd made the jab. She wasn't one to say things like that, and especially not to Kate of all people. It was months into the previous semester before Sophie had even correlated her surname with the famed Kanes of Gotham City. Even after that, Kate downplayed it heavily - it wasn't something she talked about, and she even seemed uncomfortable with the idea of it. That Sophie had just called attention to it made Kate's cheeks redden slightly, and she knew she'd overstepped. "Uh… well, I just mean-"
"I rode it back, actually," Kate replied, staring curiously at Sophie.
"You rode a vespa from Gotham?"
"I never said it was a vespa," Kate said, tossing her bag and helmet onto her bed. "Good break?"
"Yea. But actually I'm running late. Chat later?" she said as a throwaway remark. She felt frazzled by the entire exchange - she wasn't prepared to see Kate now after a week of silence. Should she confront her about her secret 'babe'? Apologize for missing not one but two key anniversaries? Talk about the ruse her and Melvin had been playing on the school? Or, Sophie's preference, pretend like none of that existed? Instead of addressing any of it, she took the easy way out and fled. She wasn't even sure Melvin was in his room as she quickly left hers, her bag half-packed for the next evening in tow. Fortunately Melvin was in and James' girlfriend had gracefully granted James early access to her place.
Since then Sophie had intentionally avoided the room whenever possible. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Kate - to the contrary; she missed her. But she also felt hurt and betrayed. These weren't feelings she was used to, and that they came from someone she cared so much about made her avoid any sort of confrontation. She didn't know how to broach the topic without getting angry or worse yet, accidentally revealing feelings Kate didn't reciprocate.
Unfortunately for her, it took less than three days for James and his girlfriend to sour: what was once a relationship on thin ice suddenly came crashing down and James found himself single by Wednesday. With her bunk at Melvin's retaken, that meant she needed to spend Wednesday night in her own room. Sophie strategized an especially late study night at the library and only returned to the room well after Kate would be asleep.
When Thursday morning came around, she was less skillful at avoidance. She'd accidentally slept through her alarm and found herself face to face with Kate as she readied for the day. Having never slept through an alarm in her entire life, she was convinced it was fate setting her up for the disaster that followed:
"Haven't seen you in a while," Kate commented coolly. She'd clearly been up for a while and was watching Sophie frantically jump from corner to corner of the room getting ready.
"Yea. Busy, I guess."
"Sure."
"Hey, is it cool if James crashes here again?"
"Sure."
"I'll give him my key so you're free to do whatever," Sophie said dismissively, searching for her deodorant. Between swapping from her room and Melvin's, she was losing track of where everything was. After shuffling through her bag, she found it at the bottom and quickly pulled it out with relief.
"It's fine, I'll be here."
"Sure, ok," Sophie said sarcastically, only half-paying attention. She'd half-expected Kate to be absent the night prior and was surprised to see her form curled up in bed when she slipped in after midnight.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kate asked, clearly caught off guard by the remark. "I don't go out that much, and definitely not in the middle of the week."
"I think we both know what I mean," Sophie said, more aggressively than even she expected. Something about Kate's attitude and dishonesty paired with her running late for class had pushed her to a point of instigation, and after days of dodging, Sophie's indecision about whether to bring it up had finally spilled over.
"I don't think we do, Sophie," Kate replied tersely, her eyes narrowed in confusion.
"I'm just saying you're free to do whatever you want with your night."
"Ok?" Kate said. "Thanks?"
Sophie stared at Kate with a new frustration. "I know about your mystery girl, ok?"
"Come again?"
"It's fine - you don't have to tell me about her, Kate but don't play dumb about it. I think I deserve more than that from you."
"I honestly have no idea what you're talking about."
"The 'friend' who was passing through? Was she also the girl from spring break?"
"Sophie, what are you talking about?" Kate asked, her voice cutting in annoyance.
"Oh stop playing dumb ok, Kate? I deserve more than that. 'Babe'? I heard her on the phone."
Kate continued to gape in confusion for a moment longer before finally understanding Sophie's words.
"Hello?" Kate said, bringing the phone to her ear. She paused, her brow furrowing into a scowl as she waited for a response through the silence on the other end. "Hello?"
She pulled the phone from her ear and realized the call had ended. She scanned through her recent calls and saw James' contact at the top of the list.
"You sure it wasn't a guy?"
"Definitely a chick. You gonna call back?"
"Maybe later," Kate replied. "Someone's probably nicked his phone again."
"Again?"
"He's not the most attentive."
"Boys are the worst."
"I see you're taking this break-up well. Massive improvement from last night's 'men are the scum of the earth' attitude."
"Babe, you have no idea."
"When did this become a thing? It's tacky."
"All the kids are saying it, babe."
"I can still leave."
"No! Don't leave me. I'm still so sad."
"I can see that."
"Plus we still have all this ice cream to eat."
"I can get ice cream anywhere, Mary."
"I know, I know," Mary said apologetically, waving her hands in exasperation. "But Dad got it from across town and it'd be rude to leave it to melt."
"This is really your argument to get me to stay?"
"Depends; is it working?"
"Yes, but only because he got my favorite."
"Hey," Mary said, her tone becoming serious, "thank you for coming. Especially today of all days. It means a lot."
"Well what are step-sisters for if not to bail each other out of gut-wrenching teenage heartbreaks?"
"I can't think of anything. So, tell me about school. Any cuties? Get laid yet? Do anything fun for your birthday?"
"That was you?"
"That was Mary?" Sophie asked, stunned by the revelation. She scanned through her memory of the call, trying to remember the details, the words, the voice. It had felt as clear as day all week, but suddenly there was a haze of uncertainty that clouded the memory. She stared back at Kate unsure what to say: all of her suspicions had suddenly come crashing down. She felt uncertain of everything. If Mary was on the other side of the call, she'd been an even worse friend than she thought for drawing all sorts of wrong conclusions.
"Why did you hang up?" Kate asked in surprise.
"I…"
"And, why didn't you ask me about it sooner?" she continued, her annoyance slowly growing.
"Kate… I…"
"And why were you using James' phone?" Kate continued, her mind slowly unravelling the last week and a half of their lack of communication.
"I… Melvin had mine so I-"
"Actually, forget I asked," Kate said, grabbing her jacket. "I'll see you later."
"Kate, wait, don't - please. I'm sorry; I… I don't know what I was thinking," Sophie rushed, wishing she could rewind the last two weeks.
"I think it's pretty clear what you were thinking," Kate challenged, her green eyes glaring intensely at Sophie in accusation.
"What?"
"Is that really how you see me?"
"I don't understand."
"It took you half a second to decide I was off hooking up with someone."
"That -that's not true," Sophie said defensively.
"Yea? So this whole week, you haven't been sitting on this? You're saying this conversation wasn't your loaded way of trying to pin me down and admit I was hiding something from you?"
Sophie stared back at Kate, feeling exposed and unsure of herself. "I… I don't know."
"I think you do, and you just aren't ready to admit it out loud."
"It's hard to know what to think when you're never open enough to tell me anything, Kate."
"So you just got off and assumed the worst about someone? About a friend? Because apparently the history that comes with months of being roommates can be thrown away over something as trivial as a ten second phone call that you hung up on. Well I'm sorry I couldn't fulfill on your amazingly low expectations of me. And after everything…" Kate began before trailing off. Her voice had been rising in anger, and the sudden silence rang through the room. She watched Sophie struggle with Kate's accusation, her temper getting the better of her. "Cool. Better to know now, I guess. Tell James he's welcome to stay so you and Melvin can do whatever the hell it is you're doing together."
"This was your idea, remember?" Sophie shot back defensively, jolting out of her stupor at Kate's words. It landed poorly - she knew her first words should have been something else as she watched Kate's demeanor transition from anger to… sadness? Disappointment? Resignation? It wasn't a look Sophie had ever seen on Kate's face before, but the sudden loss of spark in Kate's eyes had been cemented in her memory since then.
"Yes, Sophie, it was. Does it look like I'm stopping you?"
Kate stared at Sophie who was left grappling with her realization that everything she'd spent the last two weeks thinking was completely wrong.
"That's what I thought," Kate said, throwing the door open before walking out.
They'd not spoken since, and Sophie spent the next three days racked with guilt.
"I hate this," Sophie said, cutting through the contemplative silence that had fallen between her and Melvin. "And I don't know what to do."
"You could start with an apology."
"I feel like an apology isn't enough for everything I've done."
"Well, you should probably start somewhere."
"You didn't see the look she gave me."
"Everyone gives looks. Looks can change."
"And if she hates me?"
"I doubt you've dropped that far," Melvin chuckled at Sophie's dramatization. "Even Miller isn't on that list."
"So, you're telling me that ignoring her for weeks, missing her birthday, her mom and sister's death anniversary, and then insulting her character by blindly accusing her of hooking up with someone isn't hate-worthy?"
"Well, when you make it a list like that - ow! Hey!" Melvin said, ducking at the notebook being hurled at him. "There are worse things you could do."
Sophie paused outside the door. It had taken another hour to talk herself into making the trip down the hall. Dread filled every step she took as different scenarios played out in her mind. She stared at the aging veneer wood that clad the door. The muffled chatter of James and Kate's voices could be heard through it. After a moment, she lifted her hand into a fist and let it rap against the door. She felt the wood absorb the sound, translating it into a sharp knock that echoed into the room beyond. Why she felt the need to knock on her own door, she wasn't sure, but she waited, breath held, for permission from the other side to enter.
The muffled voices quieted for a moment before a cry that it was open could be heard through the hollow door. She hesitated for a second longer before bringing her hand to the knob and twisting it open. She walked in to find the two voices sitting on the couch playing a video game. The interruption was not taken kindly by James who had apparently been winning.
"Hey, can we talk for a minute?" Sophie asked before her nerves could stop her.
"Aren't you supposed to be with Melvin?" James asked critically, hitting pause on his controller.
"I-I can come back," Sophie said, grateful at the chance to succumb to her fears and avoid the looming confrontation with Kate.
"Now is fine," Kate said simply, glancing up from the game. Sophie searched her face to get a read, but Kate was always better at holding a poker face than her, and she couldn't gauge how angry she was following on their argument. Sophie had spent Thursday and Friday sneaking glances at Kate in class hoping to catch a glimpse of her mood, but she felt even more in the dark from that. Instead of revealing anything, she was met with a stoic demeanor.
"Uhm, sure, ok. Er… James?" Sophie stuttered, wishing Kate had given her the chance to flee, but she also knew she deserved whatever was coming to her.
"Yea, we can talk," James said, clearly not reading the room.
"She means you need to leave, bud," Kate said, patting him on the back.
"And go where?" James gaped. Sophie considered cutting in and saying he could stay so there'd at least be a buffer between whatever onslaught might come from Kate.
"There are literally a million places you could go. You aren't homeless. Go to your own room."
"Fine. But we're tallying this as a win for me," James said, gesturing at the screen as he grabbed his bag.
"Sure. Now you've won once," Kate teased dryly, watching him negotiate around Sophie to leave.
She had never felt so uncomfortable in her own room, and with James' absence came a renewed wave of uncertainty for Sophie. She glanced at Kate who was setting the controller aside and swallowed nervously.
"About the other morning, I-"
"Do you want a drink?" Kate asked a little too casually for Sophie's expectations.
"Uh… what? N-no, thanks," she replied, her eyes narrowing slightly at the question, waiting for the catch.
"You sure?" Kate continued, busying herself with a glass and bottle.
"Wh- no, it's fine," Sophie said, disoriented by Kate's words and actions. Sophie was barely prepared to have a simple conversation - she couldn't handle a mind game on top of that.
"You were saying?" Kate asked, pulling Sophie out of her thoughts.
"Oh... uhm, right. About the other morning… I just... I was way out of line, and - oh, thanks," Sophie said, breaking from her train of thought again as Kate handed her a glass she didn't ask for. She glanced between the glass and Kate, wondering briefly about Kate's agenda in offering it, but the moment she felt the weight of it in her hand she relaxed. She looked down at the soft caramel liquid swirling around in it realizing in handing her the glass, Kate was extending her an olive branch. She watched Kate lean against her own desk, her own glass casually hanging between the thumb and middle finger of her left hand.
"I was an ass," Sophie said suddenly. "And I'm sorry. I've been a shitty friend-"
"Soph-"
"-and I missed your birthday-"
"It's-"
"-and I wasn't there on the anniversary of your Mom and Beth's-"
"Sophie. It's fine."
"No it's not fine," Sophie said more forcefully. Kate looked ready to interrupt, but the severity on Sophie's face made her pause.
Sophie had been afraid to confront an angry Kate. Or a frustrated Kate. Or an unreasonable Kate. She'd been ready to hear Kate say she wanted to change rooms, or to not be friends anymore, or to tell her to take a long walk off a short pier. She was ready for any and all of that, but now she was levelling with confronting an understanding Kate. It was unexpected, and she suddenly felt a need for Kate to understand how terrible she'd been.
"It's not fine, Kate. Because even before that I was leaving you out to dry. I was doing that after you got us out of the situation with Miller; and I sidelined all of our plans to keep up the charade, and I missed important dates like your birthday, and I just stopped communicating, and then I accused you of cheating, and I've given you the cold shoulder for days while mulling everything over in my own head; and of course I don't think you're someone who would just go hooking up with people because you're one of the most genuine people I've ever met, and I'm just - I got stuck in my own head and I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so sorry. You lost your cool for all of a minute and now you're sitting here offering me… why are you smiling?"
"Cheating?" Kate said, a smirk keeping her from maintaining a straight face.
"What?"
"That's what you said."
"No I didn't," Sophie said, her cheeks erupting with warmth.
"Yes you did. You said, 'and then I accused you of cheating'. Who was I cheating on, Soph?"
"I didn't say that," Sophie said in blind denial. She frantically ran through her memory trying to recall all she'd said.
"Ok - ok, you didn't say it," Kate said. "My bad."
"Why are you doing this?" Sophie asked, disoriented by the entire conversation.
"Doing what?"
"This? Why… why are you being so nice?" Sophie asked. "Why aren't you yelling at me or telling me to get out or… that I'm the worst friend or… I don't know. Something."
"Do you want me to do those things?" Kate asked, her head crooked in curiosity. "Because that feels like a lot of work."
"Well - no, not really," Sophie scowled slightly. "But I don't feel like I should walk in after everything and have you hand me a drink like it's all fine."
Kate watched Sophie and saw the pleading look on her face for something more forceful to match the punishment she thought was due. Kate brought her glass to her lips, taking in a sip and letting it settle on her tongue. She stared at the details of Sophie's face: her jaw set, her eyes filled with serious intensity, her slight scowl of confusion.
"I've missed you, Soph."
"What?" Sophie asked, once again caught off guard.
Kate stared out the window for a moment, trying to find the words to elaborate her feelings.
"I don't like fighting with you - I don't want to fight with you; it's the worst feeling to come back every night and know you aren't here because of it. James is… fine, but he's not you," Kate continued. "Besides, I'm not exactly an innocent bystander. I've done my share of instigating and lack of communicating. And when you list it all off, not one of those things is worth fighting about. That doesn't mean it's all ok, and there are obviously some things we should talk about, but if given the option… I just don't want to argue anymore. I just - I've missed you."
A slow realization washed over Sophie. There was something about how Kate could look past their conflict and find the heart of the problem that took Sophie by surprise. She'd spent so much energy trying to keep up appearances with Mevlin and constructing a story about Kate that she'd let blinders control the rabbit hole she'd burrowed into. She'd been so focused on the little things that had built up over the last few weeks that she'd lost sight of the one thing in all of it: she didn't want them to be this way anymore.
"Kate… I…" Sophie began. She felt every wall she'd put up over the last few weeks come crumbling down. A well of emotions washed through her, and without giving it a second thought, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms tightly around Kate. "I've missed you, too."
