a/n: hi all,
I'm sorry this is a day later than I said. Pending no major setbacks I'll be back to the regular schedule this upcoming weekend. Hopefully this lighter chapter will hold you over until the weekend when I'll get to something a tinge longer.
Thank you again to all reviewers - it's always a pleasure to read your reactions, and I'm glad this story provides some merriment.
Cheers, EQT.95
Sophie sat in her office in complete darkness. It hadn't occurred to her to turn on the lights after she returned from the board meeting, and now she found herself tangled in thought.
Kate had just sabotaged her own father's reinstatement as Lead Crow. In front of her was a mountain of paperwork and case files she collated to onboard Jacob after the meeting - to assist in reinstating him as Lead Crow. Now it pointlessly sat there in the same darkness alongside Sophie.
She saw the glow from her screen illuminate with a notification out of the corner of her eye. It was maybe the twentieth time it had gone off since she'd returned. She left them all unchecked, instead pacing through the facts of the Cobblepot evidence. If Kate's gesture was going to make a difference, Sophie knew she needed to start making progress.
After years on the task force, she had learned the best way to tackle a case was the exact opposite of how she'd managed it at Point Rock: instead of pouring over every piece of information like it was the periodic table of elements, she used the 'blue sky' approach. It was a strategy coined by Kate back in school for her own studying technique, and it took years for Sophie to admit it, but it was effective. Kate would often claim that her best ideas came when she wasn't forcing it. By leaving her mind free to wander, she didn't restrict her thoughts to the ideas in front of her. Granted, this wasn't ideal when Kate was trying to master Physics II, and it often explained the mediocre marks Kate got in anything that required diligent studying. But when it came to game theory and strategy, Kate was always the best. Within months of starting as a Crow, Sophie had quickly adopted a similar way of thinking.
She was replaying the facts when a knock on her door pulled her away from her thoughts, and she realized she had no idea how much time had elapsed since returning. The meeting had ended late afternoon, and even a conservative guess would place her well past end of day.
"It's open," Sophie called, the sound of anything feeling unfamiliar after prolonged silence. The door cracked open, and it took a second for her eyes to identify the familiar silhouette.
"Sophie?" Came Renee's voice through the dark. "Are you…?"
Sophie flipped on the desk lamp, casting a full light through the space. "Sorry. Was just… was thinking through some stuff."
"And you did it without a night light? Brave," Renee said lightly.
Sophie smiled nervously. "Less distractions."
"I see…" Renee responded, ironically distracted herself. "Uhm, so, I just wanted to stop by because… well… I just wanted to see… I guess before I ask, I wanted to explain..." she began cautiously from the doorway. "Would it be all right if I came in?"
Sophie nodded, an unspoken tension sitting between them. Sophie watched Renee walk into the dimly lit space and settle into a chair opposite her desk.
"About last week… I've been thinking, and I think I did it wrong."
"Did… did what wrong?"
"I gave you an ultimatum. I… I don't know why I did that," Renee began. "Actually, no, I mean - I know why I did it, I just… I wish I had done it differently, you know?"
Sophie stared back at Renee quizzically, unsure where she was going with this.
"I didn't explain myself."
"Ok… d-do you want to now?" Sophie asked cautiously.
Renee fell silent for a moment. It was the most uncomfortable Sophie had ever seen her. Normally Renee was quick-witted and comfortable in her own skin. This Renee was anything but that. Her shoulders were hunched slightly, as though intimidated into trying to make herself smaller. Her voice was also filled with doubt and hesitation. Sophie watched this Renee build up the courage to continue:
"Two years ago, I was in this relationship… and I was head over heels in love. I'd never felt… I thought she was the one. We'd even moved in together - I'd met her family, she'd met mine; everything was... we'd been together for three years, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with her."
Sophie watched Renee's eyes glisten over as she talked about it, and a strange familiarity in her words made Sophie want Renee to stop talking. They were thoughts she had also once had. Granted, the circumstances were different: Kate had met Sophie's family under the guise of friendship, but it had been perfect. Sophie had also spent over three years imagining a life with Kate, and the tone of Renee's story made her fear they had shared heartbreaks in their past.
"And then one night… I was studying late - I had my final exams at the Academy coming up, and I came home earlier than expected… Let's just say Trish wasn't alone," Renee said, the memory of that night flashing across her face. "They were in our bed: Trish and her ex. I'd met her maybe a handful of times, and she was always great - friendly even. I saw they still had chemistry, but at the time I didn't think twice about it. But that night... when I saw them together... Turns out they'd secretly been hooking up for over half of our relationship. I spent months blaming myself. I figured it was something I had done - that if I had been more loving or… just better?" Renee said, pausing to breathe away a wave of emotion.
"Renee… I-"
"What I'm trying to say but am doing a shit job of is that, you aren't my ex. I like you, Sophie, and... and I guess I got scared when I saw you and Kate together. I got scared when I realized you'd kept it a secret, and I worried it was going to be Trish all over again. That's why… I got defensive. I didn't mean to - to put you in a position where you had to choose. I don't even know anything about your relationship - you might actually hate each other for all I know. But that doesn't make what I did right. I..."
Sophie rose from her chair, walking around the desk to the chair adjacent Renee. With one hand, she grabbed a tissue off her table and with the other, she found Renee's fingers and entwined them with hers. A small smile broke across Renee's face.
"You must think I'm the most pathetic-"
"I don't. I… thank you.. for explaining. I-I get it," Sophie began. "And I'm sorry you had to go through that with Trish."
Renee sighed in frustration as she wiped away the tears freely falling over her cheeks. "I hate crying. If my brothers saw me now…they'd say I was-"
"I don't think they'd have a negative thing to say," Sophie remarked. While she hadn't met them, she guessed from Renee's stories that they were the stereotypical protective big brother types. "Unless it was about this Trish girl…"
Renee broke into a smile at this.
Sophie found herself reflecting on Renee's words. Of all the things that had crossed her mind since the board meeting, Renee's ultimatum from a week earlier hadn't been one. Three days earlier Sophie would have been hard pressed to accept her terms. Whether Kate and Sophie had a chance at a future together or not wasn't even a factor: the idea of altogether cutting Kate out of her life felt impossible. Now that she was back in Gotham, Sophie wondered how they'd gone by for years in silence.
Her conversation with Kate from two night's prior flashed through her memory. One of her biggest concerns had been the idea of Kate being in her life while she tried starting a new relationship. She worried there would always be a lingering question between them, but Kate had quickly extinguished that fantasy. The rejection had hurt more than Sophie expected - she'd spent the night in tears, and the feelings mimicked the heartbreak she felt all the years earlier at Point Rock. Out of that though came a freedom to have both Kate and Renee in her life: if Kate saw no future between them romantically, that didn't mean there couldn't be friendship. It was that silver lining that Sophie found in Renee's words: Sophie might not have to choose between the two. Renee hadn't made it explicit whether her conditions still held, but Sophie felt the pit in her stomach lighten at the possibility.
"I'm sorry," Renee said, pulling Sophie from her thoughts. "Genuinely… I-I'm sorry I said those things."
A soft smile broke across Sophie's face as she took in the pained look on Renee's face.
"I guess I only have one question," Sophie said.
"Anything," Renee replied quickly.
"Were you still interested in that drink?"
Renee closed her eyes and sighed in relief. She opened them, looking into Sophie's warm brown eyes and let a smile wander over her lips. "A drink sounds great."
"Well don't you look like the spitting image of distraction," Melvin joked, nudging Kate's arm.
"What? Did-did you just say something?" Kate said, looking guiltily back at him. They had met up only minutes earlier and were on their way to grab a bite before 'taking on the night' as Melvin put it, and Kate already found herself lost in thought.
Melvin broke into a smile as he shook his head in mock disbelief. "You know, Kate Kane, there are people out there who actually enjoy my company."
"I'm sorry - I… I just came from the board meeting and…"
"And you already miss being a board member?" Melvin teased, trying to imagine Kate sitting at a table of over-aged peers whose entire purpose was to squeeze as much money out of a business as possible. It was everything Kate wasn't.
"No, no - I'm glad to be done with it…"
"But?"
"It's just frustrating to see into the minds of the people who make sweeping decisions and know nothing you can say will make a difference."
Melvin fell into an understanding silence.
"And Sophie?"
Kate glanced up, a hurt flashing in her eyes before a familiar wall was built. "What about her?"
"I see…" Melvin said, needing no further explanation.
"Where to next?" Sophie asked, the wine from dinner lightening her mood. "How about-"
about-"
"Not another word. I know a place. It's my new favorite joint."
"Oh yea?"
"Yea. They make the booziest margarita in the city and they have live music every Friday."
"You had me at 'Friday'."
Renee shot a glare back at Sophie in mock annoyance before locking her arm around Sophie's. "It's also a gay bar. I think it'll do you some good to be around your people."
"My people?"
"Name three other gays you know."
Sophie gaped back, realizing she could only name one: Kate. But she still wasn't sure how taboo her name was so that left…
"None. Exactly."
"Does this mean I don't have to pay my tab?" Melvin joked as they navigated past the queue and entered the bar.
"Depends if you behave," Kate muttered back as she nodded at the bouncer.
"This place is popular."
"Well what did you expect? I wouldn't lead you astray," Kate remarked easily. They navigated to the bar where Kate flagged down a bartender and ordered drinks. "Thanks, Jenn."
"You know the bartenders, too?" Melvin joked as she handed him his drink. "Did you drug it?"
"Of course," Kate joked back before taking a sip.
"So," Melvin continued after taking a sip of his own. "Does this place have a VIP zone or something?"
Kate rolled her eyes before nodding her head to the right. "Follow me."
"Voila! I give you The Hold Up!" Renee announced, lifting an arm in display of the familiar storefront. "It's only been around for a few months - still under the radar."
"Oh…" Sophie said with a sinking feeling in her stomach. They had turned off the main street, and Sophie spent the last three block walk dreading that this was the bar Renee was navigating toward.
"Oh what?" Renee asked, reading Sophie's concern. "Have you been here? Do you not like this place?"
"It's… it's just that," Sophie began, "uhm, this is Kate's bar."
Renee's eyes narrowed at Sophie's comment. "Ok, babe, I'm sure Kate has a lot of bars. That's kind of her m.o. It's also one of the few gay bars in town, so I'm sure she comes her to find… well… just because she comes here doesn't make it 'her bar'," Renee reasoned.
Sophie shook her head in disagreement. "That's not what I mean. I'm saying this is literally her bar: she owns it."
"You're shitting me," Renee said, her disappointment evident. Sophie could tell Renee was working through the nights she'd spent celebrating, commiserating, or just letting off some steam inside the joint. As quickly as the nostalgia brushed across her face, she binged a word salad of thoughts: "right, ok, but like… the space is great… awesome bartenders - the vibe, the music... just because she owns it, that doesn't mean we can't still go, right?"
Sophie stared back, unsure how rhetorical the question was.
"And I've never even seen her here. It's not like she works here."
"Well-"
"She doesn't, does she?" Renee asked with concern as she flipped through every rowdy Friday she'd lost to the fuzziness of alcohol.
"I mean, I don't know. I've only been a couple times, and she was working one of them?"
"But, I mean, it's Friday. We've all seen the papers. She's probably out at some club," Renee continued reasoning, her hesitation apparent in the way she paced in front of Sophie. "Damnit," she cursed. "I really wanted one of those margaritas… fuck it. Let's go in."
"You sure?" Sophie asked, wishing Renee had proposed the exact opposite. Even if it wasn't likely Kate was in, she felt weird about grabbing a drink there.
"Yes, besides, you need cultured."
"Next?" Melvin asked, swirling his empty glass in the air.
"Uh-uh, this one's on you," Kate chastised, watching Melvin's expectant gaze droop into puppy dog eyes. "Oh, be a gentleman for once."
"But I thought y-"
"I've gotten the last three."
Melvin sighed in disappointment before sliding away from the table while muttering under his breath.
"I heard that," Kate called as he retreated into the crowd.
"Best place is toward the back," Renee shouted over the crowd. They'd waited in a line for all of five minutes before the bouncer recognized Renee and, much to the dismay of the dozen others in front of them, ushered her and Sophie into the joint. Renee quickly navigated to the unfamiliar side of the bar where she quickly flagged down a bartender who also knew her by name. They were waiting for their drinks when a tap on Sophie's shoulder caused her to turn and look in surprise at Melvin's boyish grin.
"Melvin? This is a surprise. If I didn't know any better, I'd say-"
"That I was stalking you? Not wrong," he winked. "I'd been waiting for forever to order when your charming face caught my eye making a beeline for this side of the bar. Pro move, Moore."
"Actually Renee knew…"
Melvin glanced over Sophie's shoulder for the first time and laid his eyes on Renee ordering drinks with some surprise. "I see," he said. Sophie knew his words carried two meanings, and she felt a guilt grow. "And you're… happy with that?"
"I-I do-"
"Oh, Martin," Renee called, looking back to see the two standing together.
"It's Melvin," he corrected her pleasantly.
"Sure. What are you doing here? I figured you were straight."
"I don't think you need to be gay to get in," Sophie pointed out, trying to anticipate Renee's motivations. There was a strain in Renee's words that was clearly leftover from the week before. She glanced at Melvin who appeared cool as a cucumber. He always had a way of looking suave and comfortable in tricky situations.
"Well actually, I'm here with-"
"Melvin, what is taking so… long," came a familiar voice from behind him.
"...Kate," he finished. The group shared varying levels of shock on their faces.
"Kate," Sophie said in surprise. "I was… we were just…"
"We're here for the margaritas," Renee said casually, taking the impromptu appearance better than Sophie.
"Jenn does make a boozy one," Kate replied, matching Renee's tone with ease. "Make sure she doesn't skimp on the salt though. She's heavy-handed on the tequila but light on the rim job," she said before turning her attention away from Sophie and Renee, "Melvin, you order or did you get distracted by a woman?"
"Uh…" he stammered, clearly thrown by Kate's tone. Sophie couldn't help but note that if Melvin was thrown, something was definitely amiss.
Kate sighed, "You really are the cheapest date, and not the good kind," she said, walking away toward the bar without another word.
"Well I should… I should get back to... that," Melvin said, nodding toward Kate. "Maybe next time our run-in is intentional, and it's too much work to stalk you," he winked before walking away.
"You ok?" Melvin asked once they were back at the table.
"Why? Do I look drunk?" Kate asked sarcastically. "Because that wouldn't be good for my image."
"Oh is that right? Last I heard, that would be entirely fitting for your image."
Kate shook her head, "No, nope. It's too early for me to be sloshing about. What would that say about my reputation if I was drunk by 10pm?"
"That you were getting over someone?" Melvin asked pointedly.
"Not even beating around the bush these days are you?"
"Only because I've learned that subtlety doesn't work with you."
"Oh, hi," Renee said in surprise, her giggle from a moment earlier sobering into a straight-faced demeanor. How they'd managed a trip to the bathroom at the same time could only be chalked up to cursed fate.
"Hey," Kate replied casually.
A silence passed between them, the sound of running water echoing off the walls.
"Uhm, so… no hard feelings?" Renee said uncomfortably. "I just… I don't want… I don't know…"
"Why would there be hard feelings?" Kate asked stoically, pumping a dollop of soap into her hands.
"I just mean with… with Sophie."
Kate stared through the mirror at Renee's face, unmoved by Renee's words.
"Did… did she not tell you?"
"Does it matter?"
Renee gaped awkwardly. "I… I'm not sure. I just… I thought you two were…"
"Colleagues?"
"I guess… I guess I thought it was something more."
"It's not," Kate replied simply, grabbing a paper towel to dry her hands. She tossed it and walked toward the door. As she pulled it open to leave, she turned back. Kate's face revealed a level of emotion Renee was unfamiliar with, and it wasn't until Kate said her parting words that Renee understood it to be 'concern,' except on a level Renee couldn't quite distinguish: "Don't hurt her. She's had enough of that."
"Are you sure you don't want to come?"
Kate grinned as she shook her head. "I don't understand why you want to go so badly. It was never that good, and it has not aged well."
"Oh come on, it's my last day in town."
"They've literally been using the same, sad Bat-balloon since I was a kid. I remember the year it premiered. It was Gotham's first and last publicly-funded giant balloon."
"See? It's history. And you don't want to see it?"
"I already told you-"
"Ya, ya, Bob the Builder."
"Apparently he only delivers on Saturdays," Kate reasoned. "But next time," she teased.
"I'm holding you to that," Melvin grinned back.
"We could walk," Renee insisted, a slight slur to her words.
Sophie smirked at Renee's conviction. "You've tripped twice since we got up. I'm ordering a car."
Renee sighed at Sophie's observation before turning distractedly back toward the bar.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Mhm," Sophie said, distracted by the app.
"What happened between you and Kate?"
"Wh-what?" Sophie looked up in surprise. "Me and… why?"
"Just curious. What happened? Why'd you guys break up?"
"Uhm… I mean… you know how it is - w-we wanted different things. We just grew apart," Sophie said ambiguously, concentrating on the glow of her screen.
Renee turned to look at Sophie, her head cocked to the side as she surveyed her. "This isn't going to work if you keep lying to me."
Sophie flinched at how easily Renee could read her. She watched the spinning circle identify their ride was still eight minutes away. With a small sigh she looked up at Renee. "We got caught."
"Got… caught?" Renee asked, confused by Sophie's fragmented response.
"There was a school policy - no form of homosexuality was permitted, and three weeks before graduation… we got caught," Sophie said, reliving the memory of that fateful day in her head.
"You're shitting me. That's such an archaic policy. I can't believe that's a real thing."
"If I had a nickel for everytime time… Over three years, too; nearly made it," Sophie said, trying to ease the moment with a forced smile. She felt a discomfort and tightness in her chest that always came with reliving the memory.
"But I don't understand - what happened?"
"Can… can we do this another time?" Sophie asked, feeling a vulnerability she hadn't felt in years. She watched disappointment drift across Renee's face. "I promise I'll tell you… I just… not tonight."
Renee looked like she might push Sophie but stopped herself. After a moment she conceded with a nod of her head.
"Can you just answer me one thing though?"
Sophie hesitated before, "Yea, sure."
"Did she hurt you?" It was a question that had been on her mind for the last hour since her run-in with Kate in the bathroom. Renee watched Sophie's gaze drop.
"Honestly?"
"Honestly."
"Yes," Sophie said simply. The emotions of their final conversation came creeping in, enhanced by the alcohol running through her system. She felt a sting at the corners of her eyes as she continued, "But I hurt her more."
