Chapter 3: Broken Doll

Time past slowly and painfully.

How long has it been? Three years? Four? When every day was the same, it was hard to remember.

Father had requested my Uncle Kevan to watch me closely, they told me, and he had made sure I would remain isolated within my own home, claiming distrust on outsiders after mother's death.

Uncle Kevan didn't believe my innocence more than father did. I could see the distrust in his eyes clearly. I might have resumed my previous life in appearance, but I was still a prisoner in all but name.

And my brother, my other half... was gone forever.

I had lost everyone that I once cared for. Now, I only existed... as their vassal in this world.

"You won't stay here forever," They encouraged me, "Tywin can't hide you here forever even if he wants to."

I knew the reason they said so by then. According to them, the King had taken an interest in me. He wanted to know my role in mother's death and father's refusal to bring me to King's Landing only fuelled his curiosity.

So, one day when I was informed of the King and Prince Rhaegar's arrival in westlands, and how I was arranged to meet them, I wasn't surprised.

My aunt Genna had come and prepared me for the meeting, "Smile, sweetie, you look better when you smile." She said.

I looked into the mirror. The girl there wasn't beautiful at all. She was pale and gaunt, and her eyes were hollow.

"You're the Light of the West. It'll be bad if you don't know how to smile when you meet Aerys."

I tried to smile, and the girl inside the mirror only made a grimace.

"That's right." My aunt said, so it's probably all right.

I had long since lost any ability to judge how my expression looked.

—-

"Your grace," I bowed deeply, "It's an honour to - "

"Come, come and let me see you closer." The King ordered.

"Oh man, Aerys is unpredictable, but he shouldn't be too mad before Duskendale... just flatter him, he likes it." They nervously added.

I obeyed his order and stepped forward, my grimace of a smile fixed on my face. He poked my face happily and mumbled, "Ha, Tywin kept refusing to bring you to court, what he's afraid of? I know, he misses Joanna too much..." He concluded, "You look like her."

"Thank you." What should I say again? "Your grace is handsome and kingly as well."

I didn't know what else to say, but that seemed to be enough, as the King nodded, "Speaking sweetly and truly like Joanna too," Then he bent down and whispered, "Why did you kill her?"

I froze. "I was tricked by the foul maester and his poison..."

"Ah yes, that's what Tywin told me too," His voice was coated in barely concealed anger, "What's the true reason?"

"Help me," I called, but I knew it's futile. I could hear their frantic screaming as soon as the question was out of the King's mouth.

"OH NO SHE'S GONNA BURN!"

"We can't save you, you need to save yourself!"

"Just lie! Make up SOMETHING! Whatever that works!"

I had no lies to tell. I looked around, tried to search for someone to help me, and met father's gaze. I called for help wordlessly...

...And he immediately turned away from me.

Of course. Why would I still have any naive hopes? Wishful thinking like this wouldn't get me anywhere.

There's only one way...

"I didn't want her to die. I want to save her... but I messed up." I confessed. "The babe inside her... I thought it'd kill her if she bore it to terms. Instead, she died with the babe after I pushed her off the stairs."

That day, if I could just tell the truth as it was... would father still hate me so?

When I glanced upon the King's face, he was grinning. "Childish stupidity. So simple." Then he laughed, wildly and hysterically. "Tywin, this is what you want to hide? Joanna's killer? She's just a little girl!"

Father still refused to spare a glance at me. "I'm not hiding her, your grace. She's just not well enough to travel to court."

"I say she's well enough. Hey, tell me, do you want to live in the Red Keep?" The King asked suddenly.

"Say yes!" They urged me, and I nodded. "It'd be an honour, your grace."

"Then it's settled, you're coming with us. Come meet my son and heir."

Prince Rhaegar... I tried to maintain the same composure when talking to him, but polite small talk was all I could do when they're busily shouting at each other over their opinion of the sliver prince.

"Ohh, see, he's smiling! He's much more handsome than that actor!"

"Maybe we could hear him play the harp later!"

"We must get him together with Lyanna! The pack of Ice and Fire must be fulfilled!"

"No Rhaegar is a rapist! Bobby B did nothing wrong!"

"She went with Rhaegar willingly!"

"No she was abducted!"

They really like to argue about that. Every time the prince was brought up, this argument would take place. The first few times they tried to hide the discussion from me, then they didn't bother anymore after they discovered that I didn't react to them at all.

I myself had no opinion on the prince. A vassal of the gods didn't need its own opinion.

...A girl from a long time ago might have looked forward to marrying such a prince, but I had little in common with her now.

Regardless, I continued to smile. Their opinion on Prince Rhaegar might differ widely, but the instructions were clear: I needed to get into the good grace of both of them.

Playing the game, so to speak.

They had finally calmed down a bit, so I managed to hear the prince's last sentence.

"...So I hope we can be friends too, Lady Cersei."

"It's my greatest pleasure." I only hope my smile looked half as genuine as his.

—-

I thought the biggest trouble living in court would be facing Jaime again, but it turned out father sent him back to Casterly Rock the same day I arrived. Clearly father still believed I had intended to kill him for the Rock.

It didn't matter. The King liked me... or rather he liked to parade me around whenever father was present. Father's clear dislike for me greatly amused him every time, and so I remained a favourite in court.

Strangely, that meant I wasn't able to talk with Prince Rhaegar as they wished me too. Perhaps it's for the best, for them couldn't reach an agreement to whether I should encourage him to pursue Lyanna Stark, or urge him to remain faithful to his future wife, whoever that would be.

I tried to touch on the topic of the prince's marriage several times, but the King had deemed it impossible the second I mentioned the pack of Ice and Fire. "Bah! Who cares about some ancient pack made in the Dance. I won't betroth my heir to some savage girl."

So that was the end of this issue. They're getting frustrated with the lack of process on this mission... until the King was invited to visit Duskendale.

"If the Defiance of Duskendale doesn't happen, then Aerys won't be completely mad, and the rebellion won't happen!"

"The rebellion starts because of Rhaegar, not Aerys! Besides, how can we be sure he won't burn Rickard just because he doesn't get captured at Duskendale?"

"If we just let Aerys dies in Duskendale and Rhaegar ascends..."

"We're working through Cersei. What power she holds to stop Barristan from his rescue mission?"

"As if Cersei has any power to stop Aerys. Tywin tells him not to go too, remember? And he's his Hand!"

"That's because Tywin is Tywin. Cersei is now Aerys' favourite, maybe he'll listen."

"You know, I have a genius plan that'll definitely work..."

By the time they had reached this conclusion, I heard, the King had already set his mind on meeting Lord Darklyn. Still, I had to try.

"Your grace!" I kneeled on the ground, in front of all the court. I could see father's baleful glare for my public display, but I couldn't go back now. "Please hear me... you absolutely shouldn't go to Duskendale. Lord Darklyn is planning to hold you hostage in there!"

For a moment there was only silence. Then the King laughed, "Hostage? Taking a dragon hostage? I'll love to see him try!" He turned to father, "What's this mummery you two are playing, Tywin?"

"I have given my opinion on this matter. Her actions were not on my instructions."

Clearly not believing him, the King asked me, "What lead you to think so, little Cersei?"

I remember they told me... "The fact that father urged you not to go, means that he actually wants you to." I said.

Upon hearing my words, father became as white as a sheet. "What are you implying? You dare to accuse your own father - "

"Let her continue!" The King shouted.

"Father conspired with Lord Darklyn to kill you and replace you with a younger, more moldable Prince Rhaegar on the Throne. I overheard them when Lord Darklyn came to King's Landing last time."

Was I supposed to feel anything, dooming my own father into certain death? I didn't know whether what I was said was true or not. All I knew... was to follow orders.

"Tywin doesn't recognise you as his daughter anymore. So it isn't kinslaying... and he would order the Mountain to kill many innocents later! This is all right and just!" They assured me.

"And the King will listen to me after this proof of loyalty?"

"Correct! And you can try to get Rhaegar to marry Lyanna this time."

It was done within a few minutes. Father was arrested, and the King was quickly ordering an army to be raised to destroy House Darklyn. Ignoring father's cursing behind me, I approached the King carefully. "Your grace, may I have a few requests?"

The King's face was flushed red in excitement, and he grinned widely when he saw me. "Of course, everything. You saved my life."

"I wish that my brother would be able to inherit Casterly Rock and the westlands. He knows not of father's treachery."

Jaime must loathe me to death now. He's truly unrelated to all these... I hope he'll be smart enough and stay safe.

"Done. What else?"

"I... I believe apart from father and Lord Darklyn, very little people were involved in this plan... I dare say most of Duskendale's household would not approve of the conspiracy if they knew about it. And Prince Rhaegar... he didn't know of this, too."

With Rhaegar's name out of my mouth, the King's gaze became sharp. "Rhaegar doesn't know?"

"I didn't have much contact with the prince, but he doesn't seem like the ambitious type... and father wouldn't trust him on such treacherous plan. It's too much of a risk."

"Hmm..." He mused, "I could have had Viserys replace him, but... shame that you're..." The way he was eyeing me, I felt he just had some horrible idea in mind.

A sentiment they clearly shared.

"Refuse him!"

"It'll help placate those lords in westlands too. Very well - "

"I can't refuse him, he's the King!"

"I hereby betroth my heir, Prince Rhaegar Targaryen, to Lady Cersei Lannister, in reward of her bravery and loyalty." He announced grandiosely.

"Shit... what should we do now?"

I could only force out an ugly, ugly smile while the rest of the court cheered.