Chapter 108
Toni Stark-Rogers didn't sleep most nights since arriving in the past. She'd been here for nearly two months and she was exhausted. She knew she'd gained some weight, but she chalked it up to the stress, and having to eat whatever was available whenever she could.
Peggy had included her in her training regimens, insisting that the two of them needed to stay in shape because they never knew what it was that would come their way. And she knew her aunt was right. They were in the middle of a war. She couldn't afford to drop her guard at any given time.
She woke up as she felt a wave of nausea wash over her, and she ran straight to the bathroom that she and Peggy shared. It was early in the morning, even by military standards, and she hung her head over the toilet as she retched out into it.
She hadn't vomited since the stress of the initial loss of her children, when Steve had stayed with her all night to make sure that she was doing okay.
"Toni?" Peggy said, as she woke up from the sounds. "Toni are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she reassured her aunt, "Go back to sleep. Sorry, I'm nearly done."
She stood up as she flushed the toilet and all evidence of her sickness washed away. She grabbed a glass and filled it up with water as she rinsed out her mouth, trying to get the awful taste out of it.
"Clearly you're not alright," Peggy said, not buying it for a second. "Come sit on the bed."
She followed her aunt, as Peggy sat her down and touched her forehead, "You don't seem to have any signs of a fever, so you're not ill. How have you been feeling recently?"
"Tired," she commented, "And I hurt all over. I'm probably fine, Peggy. You don't need to worry about it."
"Yes, that is why I woke up to find you vomiting at four in the morning," Peggy said drily not having believed her for a moment.
She paused, as she glanced at Toni.
"Sweetheart, I hate to ask this, but when was your last period?" Peggy asked her gently.
She froze.
She'd skipped the last few, but it hadn't really dawned on her. It wasn't the first time she'd missed periods. When she'd been feeling extreme bouts of stress she'd skipped one or two, especially when she hadn't been eating as much nutrients.
And while the Military food wasn't the most appetizing, they were filled with enough nutrients that she should have been fine. Plus the amount of sleep and stress she'd been facing was far less than when she'd first lost Peter and Morgan.
However when she thought about it, she couldn't recall her last period. She'd had one or two after Thanos' snap. But she hadn't had any in a few months and if she were being honest, she wasn't even sure the last time when she'd gotten it was.
Definitely before they'd gone back in time to stop Thanos.
She knew what Peggy was asking, and suddenly, all the symptoms began to add up in her head. The nausea, the fatigue, the weight gain, the tenderness.
She was pregnant.
She and Steve had almost always tried to be safe, but in the recent months, they'd had a lot of other stuff on their minds. So it wasn't shocking to think that during one of those times, they'd conceived another child.
"I can't be pregnant," she whispered, as she looked down at her stomach.
"I'm assuming you didn't sleep with this Steve?" Peggy asked her gently.
"No," she shook her head, "I would never. I haven't been with anyone since my husband. Peggy, I can't be pregnant. Not here. Not like this."
She felt herself begin to get overwhelmed, and Peggy wrapped an arm carefully around her, as she pulled her in tightly.
"I need to get home to my time," she said, a sob escaping her, "To my Steve. To my children. I can't have this baby here when I'm away from my life. I need to go back to them. I need to go home. I can't have the baby here, alone."
"We're going to figure this out, okay?" Peggy reassured her, "You're not alone in this. I'm here with you, and we'll figure it out."
She took a deep breath, as she placed her hand on her stomach. She knew pregnancy tests in the forties were far from scientific. And she could possibly grab a sample of her own urine and create a makeshift version of the test herself.
But she'd also known it was pointless. She'd been pregnant before. She knew the signs. She'd guess she was somewhere between four to five months pregnant, given the timeline and her increased weight.
In all the tech she'd added to her suit, somehow pregnancy testing functionality had never made the cut.
And in all of her pain about losing Morgan and Peter, she hadn't even realized that she'd gotten pregnant again.
"We're going to get you home," Peggy promised her, "I've seen you and Howard work together. It's like you're both in your own element. I'm sure the two of you are going to figure this out."
Peggy was right on that. She and her father had been making steady progress on the machine, and she knew it was only a matter of time before they managed to finish it. If everything went according to plan, she'd be able to get home before the end of her second trimester.
It was nice being able to see everyone in this time. To see the badass aunt that she'd heard from the stories. To see Steve before the serum and see him grow into the man she'd met all those years ago. And even seeing her father, back when he had optimism and wasn't hardened by the war.
"Try and get some rest," Peggy told her gently, as she stroked Toni's hair, just as she had all those times when Toni had been sick growing up and Aunt Peggy and Uncle Daniel had watched over her. She closed her eyes, knowing that her Aunt was by her side. She was going to get through this. And she was going to get back home.
"Toni!" Steve said as he knocked loudly on her door, "Toni, are you there?"
She blinked her eyes awake wearily. She had been spending extended hours in the lab alongside her father, trying to get the parts for the time travel machine working so she could get home to her family.
They had been shipped out to Italy a few weeks ago, and while she adored the country her mother had been from, she could have lived without seeing it's war-torn state.
Her father had been elated when she'd told him why they needed to speed up their schedule, and in all honestly, despite the strangeness of her newfound relationship with the man, she wasn't complaining.
She knew that it didn't make up for the childhood she'd had or make any of that pain any less painful. But it was something.
"Steve?" she asked, as she slipped on a robe and opened the door.
"I'm sorry," he said, as he took in her state of undress, "I wasn't aware that you had been resting."
It was hard not to notice her pregnancy at this point, and even Steve, with his current naivety seemed to be aware of it.
"What's wrong?" she asked, seeing the tense look on his face.
"I found out the 107 has been taken captive," Steve explained, and understanding dawned upon her.
"Bucky's trope?" she asked, and he nodded.
"He's one of the men missing behind enemy lines," Steve told her. "Phillips isn't planning a rescue operation, but I need to go in and get him back. I can't leave him in there alone. Howard has agreed to fly us over to Austria, and Peggy said she'd accompany us. I know you shouldn't be fighting in your condition, but I wanted you to know where I was going to be."
"I'm coming with you," she said immediately.
"You can't!" he said, looking at her stomach. "What if something happens to the baby?"
She glared at him, hating more than anything that he was right. She couldn't wear the suit like she had in other instances where she'd fought. If she lost any of the parts, or HYDRA got their hands on her suit, it would have disastrous consequences for the future. Which meant she'd have to fight without it.
And she may have been trained by Aunt Peggy into being a good fighter, but she was no Black Widow.
"I'll stay in the plane," she pursed her lips. "I'm not letting you go alone, Steve. There's too much risk. You could use all the help you can get."
He pushed a strand of hair out of her face, before immediately pulling away.
"You need to be careful," he said, and she smiled softly at him. Every day he was growing more and more into the man that she knew she would fall in love with.
"I will," she assured him. "Give me five minutes to dress, then I'll be good to go."
He nodded, and she shut the door, as she immediately pulled on her military issued outfit, and loaded up a few of the knives and guns that Peggy had slipped her over the past few weeks. Even if she wouldn't be fighting anyone directly, it never hurt to be prepared.
"I'm ready," she said, and he nodded at her as the two of them made their way over to the plane that Howard had acquired.
"You shouldn't be coming," Howard said as he saw her with Steve.
"I'm coming and that's final." She said, glaring at her father.
"You're pregnant," he retorted. "What if our plane goes down? I will not let anything happen to my da-" He cut himself off, and Steve, thankfully, seemed none the wiser. "My apprentice."
She snorted.
"I'll be perfectly fine," she told him. "Besides nothing will happen to the plane."
She gave him a look to convey her meaning. That she knew firsthand that nothing was going to happen to them. He just needed to trust her.
Howard sighed, as he glanced over at Peggy.
"You're going to give me so many white hairs," he muttered under his breath, and she smirked.
She entered the plane behind Steve, as Howard took the wheel.
The flight to Austria was mostly spent with Steve looking worried, and she didn't blame him.
This would be the fight that defined who Captain America was, from more than a man who'd been a glorified lab experiment. He hadn't been allowed into the field yet, as Phillips didn't want to risk his capture. So he'd spent most of his time being poked and prodded as they attempted to figure out how to recreate the serum.
She knew they weren't going to succeed. Her father had dedicated most of his time to helping her, and he was the only one who'd ever come close to replicating the serum.
"The HYDRA camp is in Krausberg, tucked between these two mountain ranges. It's a factory of some kind," Peggy said, as she looked at a map.
"We should be able to drop you right on the doorstep," Howard told him. "It's going to be just you, however. You know you won't have any backup."
"I know. Just get me as close as you can," he said, before looking at Howard and Peggy "You know, you two are gonna be in a lot of trouble at the lab. And Toni, I can't even imagine how unhappy they're going to be with you. Phillips is already unhappy that you're at the camp."
There had been a lot of questions raised as to why a pregnant woman was at the camp, when she should have been at home preparing. And Phillips had been doing his best to dispel those questions, having known the circumstances of her presence. But he'd told Howard and her that it was the highest priority to get her back home before they aroused any more questions.
"And you won't?" Peggy said, glancing up at him, knowing that he was going to be in far more trouble if things went wrong.
"Where I'm goin', if anybody yells at me, I can just shoot 'em," Steve said, trying to sound optimistic.
"They will undoubtedly shoot back," Peggy deadpanned.
"Well, let's hope it's good for something," Steve said, knocking on his shield.
"Agent Carter, if we're not in too much of a hurry I thought we could stop off in Lucerne for a late night fondue," Howard said, as he glanced at her Aunt. "Ms Rhodes should certainly be resting."
Peggy glanced at Steve, as he'd gotten up to get a parachute.
"Stark is the best civilian pilot I've ever seen. He's mad enough to brave this airspace, we're lucky to have him," Peggy told him.
"So are you two…?" Steve asked her, in an awkward tone, "Do you, uh, fondue?"
She nearly snorted.
Did he think fondue was an innuendo?
This man was far more innocent than her husband who regularly liked to fondue with her.
And besides, Peggy and her father? She blanched with the thought.
Peggy simply ignored him.
"This is your transponder," she said instead, "Activate it when you're ready and the signal will lead us straight to you."
"Are you sure this thing works?" Steve asked, looking at it warily.
"I worked on it myself," Toni commented.
Howard snorted, "It's been tested more than you, Pal."
An enemy plane appeared then, as it began shooting at them.
Steve braced himself, and she knew he was going to jump.
"Get back here! We're taking you all the way in!" Peggy demanded.
"As soon as I'm free, you turn this thing around and get the hell outta here!" Steve said, as he looked at her.
"You can't give me orders!" Peggy said furiously.
"Steve," she tried, but she knew he wasn't going to listen. She knew how this would go.
"The hell I can't! I'm a Captain!" Steve said, and she nearly comment 'language'.
And with that, Captain America jumped out of the plane, and behind enemy lines.
Peggy was pacing back and forth while Phillips was glaring at them both.
"Why would you let him go?" Phillips asked, as he looked between Peggy and herself.
"Because it was the right thing to do," Peggy said firmly. "And he was going to go with or without us. I figured it was better to at least offer our support."
"Did you know this was going to happen?" Phillips looked at her. "Do you know that they're going to come back for sure?"
"I do," she said simply, "I know how this mission goes. He's going to succeed."
"You better be right, Stark," Phillips glared at her. "I cannot touch Stark. He's rich and he's the Army's number one weapons contractor. Carter, you are neither one. And you, Stark. You shouldn't even be here. You should be getting back home and dedicating everything to doing so."
"With respect, Sir, I don't regret my actions. And I don't think Captain Rogers did either," Peggy said firmly.
"You better pray that they do not die," Phillips said strongly. "Because if anything happens to him or anyone else, then you will be strongly reprimanded. If they shut down this division then you better hope-"
There were some noises coming from outside the camp, and her eyes widened.
"What the hell is going on out there?" Phillips demanded, as they left the tent, walking towards the treeline as they followed the other soldiers towards where the action seemed to be happening.
"Look who it is!" one of the soldiers said excitedly, and she looked at the horizon to see Steve making his way towards the camp, with Barnes and the rest of the Commandos and the 107 behind him.
She grinned at the sight of him, as he walked with a confidence that she hadn't seen him display before.
The rest of the soldiers began to cheer loudly, glad to see their fellow men in arms.
Phillips had a stern look as he saw Steve, and part of her wondered if he was going to get reprimanded before he even got a word out.
Steve saluted Phillips, "Some of these men need medical attention," he said, as he approached them. "I'd like to surrender myself for disciplinary action."
"That won't be necessary," Phillips said, and she could hear the grudging tone in his voice. She knew he was impressed with Steve and she didn't blame him. Looking at him standing there filled her with pride. He had always been a hero. But seeing him rescue the men in a tale that Peggy used to tell her before bedtime was remarkable.
"Yes, Sir," Steve said, trying not to grin.
Phillips turned to leave, and Peggy nudged her.
"You're back," she said with a grin, and he smiled gently down at her.
"I told you I would be," he said, and she was unable to contain her happiness. "Did you miss me?"
She laughed, "Every second," she promised.
Barnes cut in then, "Hey! Let's hear it for Captain America!" he exclaimed, and the men began cheering loudly.
Steve blushed prettily, and she grinned, knowing he was every bit still the shy man despite his newfound confidence.
She cheered loudly with the group, as Steve's eyes met hers.
They went to a bar later that night, to discuss a new mission. To go after HYDRA and bring them down. She knew this would be the big battle for Steve, and part of her wished that she could say that after it, HYDRA would be gone forever.
That they wouldn't go on to keep hurting her family.
"So let's get this straight," Dum Dum said, looking at Steve after he finished explaining the plan to them.
"We barely got out of there alive, and you want us to go back?" Gabe Jones finished.
"Pretty much," Steve admitted, as he looked at them all sheepishly.
"Sounds rather fun, actually," Falsworth said, as he glanced over at her.
"I'm in," Morita said with a belch.
Dernier started speaking in French, as Jones conversed with him.
"We're in," Jones finished with a smirk.
"Hell, I'll always fight. But you got to do one thing for me," Dum Dum grinned.
"What's that?" Steve asked.
"Open a tab," Dum Dum grinned. "And perhaps in the meantime, the pretty lady here can tell us what she'd doing here."
Steve looked at her, as he went over to the bar to talk to the bartender.
"Fighting a war," she deadpanned, and he grinned.
"Sarcastic and beautiful," Dum Dum grinned, "A perfect combination."
Steve returned then with Bucky, and she could see hints of the man she knew in the future in him. The lighthearted man who hadn't gone through years of torture. The man who still had light in his eyes instead of just pain.
"You must be the lovely Ms Rhodes," Bucky said as he smiled at her, "I've heard all about you."
"And I you," she smiled back, as Bucky pulled up a chair.
"So tell me about yourself," Bucky said, "Stevie wouldn't shut up about the beautiful, brilliant, brunette he met at the Camp."
"There's not much to tell," she shrugged, "Was born in New York. Joined the war to help make things better. Met Steve here."
"And your husband?" Bucky said, looking at Steve rather pointedly. "Is he at the camp too?"
"No," she said. Because her Steve wasn't the one who was here, "He's back home. Hopefully I'll be joining him sooner rather than later."
"You're leaving?" Steve blurted out, looking surprised by the news. And she didn't blame him. She hadn't talked much about going home to anyone other than Peggy and Howard.
"Not just yet," she admitted, "But soon enough. All good things must come to an end and all."
"I see," Bucky said, and Steve excused himself as he rushed out of the bar, clearly upset by the news of her future departure.
"I'll go talk to him," she said, and Bucky placed a hand on her arm.
"Look, Doll," Bucky told her gently, "Stevie isn't as strong as the rest of us. He might be all big now, but for years he was anything but. I don't know what kind of games you're playing with him, but unless you plan on being with him, don't lead him on, okay? He deserves better than that."
"He deserves the world," she told him, "And one day he's going to find that."
It just wouldn't be with her here in this time. But she could hardly admit that.
He nodded at her, as they'd come to an understanding. Both of them wanted what was best for Steve, and she could hardly begrudge his oldest friend for looking out for him.
With that, she turned around and followed Steve out of the bar.
He was standing outside in the cool fall air, looking upset over her sudden declaration of departure, and she couldn't blame him.
She and Steve? They were the endgame. They were the ones who were meant to end up together despite all the hurdles life threw their way. The ones who everyone rooted for and wanted to end up together.
She loved him. And she couldn't imagine a life without him in it.
But their timing wasn't now. They weren't meant to fall in love in the 1940s and spend their life together. They were meant to spend their life together in 2018 and every year following that.
"You can't go," he said, as he saw her, sounding almost desperate. "Toni-"
"I have to," she told him gently, "I'm pregnant, Steve. I have a husband."
"I could take care of you," he said, pained, "Both of you. I'd keep you safe and I promise I'd love the child like they were my own. I love you, Toni. I know I shouldn't. It's not right to fall for a woman who's taken. But I love you. Just stay here with me, and I promise I'll make everything right. I'll be there for you every second of every day. I'll love you to the moon and back."
Her heart broke, knowing she was breaking his.
She couldn't do this.
She couldn't keep lying to him. She could never stand to see his heart broken, knowing she was the reason for it.
"Steve," she exhaled finally. "I need to tell you something."
"What?" he asked her, desperate for an answer.
"You're a good man," she said, "A kind man. A brave man. Look what you just did, saving all those men."
"They're all treating me like some sort of hero," Steve said, sounding unsure of it all. "I just needed to save Bucky. And the rest of them. You should have seen it. They had them tied up and were experimenting on them. It wasn't right. I wasn't trying to be a hero. I was just doing what was right."
"I know," she said, cupping his face, "That's what makes you a hero. Because that's who you are. You stand up for those who can't fight for themselves. You keep people safe. You are a hero, Steven Grant Rogers. I know that, because I know you. I've known you since before I met you. I know that, because you're my husband."
He blinked at that, and looked up at her in confusion. She took a deep breath, wondering if she was doing the right thing. But she couldn't hurt the man she loved.
"I'm not from here," she exhaled. "Steve, my name isn't Toni Rhodes. It's Toni Stark. Actually, Stark-Rogers."
"Stark?" he asked, as he looked back inside at the bar where Howard and Peggy had joined the table of drinking soldiers.
"He's my father," she said. "I'm born in the year 1970."
"Are you saying you're from the future?" he blinked. "Toni, have you had anything to drink?"
"I'm perfectly sober, Steve," she barked a laugh, knowing fetal alcohol syndrome wouldn't be discovered for many more years. "You can confirm it with Peggy, Howard, or Phillips. They all know the truth. I'm from the year 2018. It's where I'm trying to get back to."
"And we're married then?" he said, looking confused. "I'd be a hundred years old. You're telling me that you married an old man?"
"You're not exactly old in my time," she said gently. "I cannot tell you what happens, because then it may not. But I promise you, there's a perfectly reasonable age difference between us. Or at least one that's not decades of a difference."
"We're married in the future," he said, sounding dazed.
"Yes," she smiled, as she took his hand gently in hers. "You have to let me go, Darling. Because while you'll become him one day, the man I love, you're not him yet. We have an entire life together. A son and a daughter. And this little one here."
His eyes widened as he made the connection that the babe in her stomach, he'd promised to raise was his own, future, child.
"I have to let you go, don't I?" he sighed, looking both defeated over her loss, yet also optimistic for the future.
"Yes," she told him gently, "We'll be together soon enough. I promise you."
"This was not how I thought this conversation would go," he admitted, and she laughed.
"I know, Sweetheart," she said. "Trust me, when you gave that big speech about me leaving my husband, trust me, I was tempted. I'd give anything to never break your heart and see you like this. But I can't do that. Not when he's the one I share I life with."
"But you'd have considered it?" his eyes lit up, knowing that she wanted to be with him just as much as he with her..
She grinned, as she touched his chest, leaning into him. She pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and hoped her Steve wouldn't tease her too much for it.
"If he weren't you, and things weren't as they were then I'd have accepted in a heartbeat," she told him. "You and I, Steve? We're one for history. I was always meant to fall in love with you. But he was the one I met in my life. The one who has my whole heart. And you'll be him one day. You'll be the one I share my children with. Just be patient."
His face lit up brightly in wonder, and she was glad she told him the truth. It was heartbreaking lying to him. And if she had to break his heart to get back to her own time, she wasn't all that sure she'd be able to do it. She could never stand to look at him, and know she was the one to hurt him.
"Well, in all the ways I've been rejected, I don't think I've ever been rejected for a future version of myself," he joked, sounding a lot lighter than he had when she'd left the bar.
"I doubt many people have," she teased, as she let out a shiver.
He immediately draped his jacket around her shoulders, and she smiled at him gratefully.
"We should get you back inside," he said, "It won't do any good for my future wife who's pregnant with my unborn child to get sick."
"No, I don't suppose it will," she smiled as he escorted her back inside.
