a/n: hi all,
Back to a single chapter this week. I've been tweaking the last part of this chapter for weeks. It's evolved slightly to better reflect some context that came out of writing through this bundle of flashback chapters, but generally has kept the same spirit I started with; hopefully it doesn't disappoint.
Guest, you were a week early ;)
Cheers,
EQT.95
"Nothing?"
Kate shook her head.
"But… it's been like, like-"
"Nineteen days," Kate said glumly.
"And nothing?"
"Melvin," Kate replied in exasperation.
"But she must… right?"
"If I knew that do you think I'd be asking your opinion?"
"Sure, but… maybe you missed it?"
Kate glared at him in disbelief. "I think I'd have noticed if my girlfriend told me she loves me."
"But she must… right?"
"You sound like a broken record."
"I'm just saying… I know you, and I know her. There's no way she isn't."
"This has been the worst advice session I've ever had with you."
"Honestly I'm just as surprised as you. That girl fell for you months ago; saying the words is really just a formality at this point."
Kate sighed, unconvinced by Melvin's words.
"Do you disagree?"
"I don't have an opinion anymore," Kate said.
"But you guys are good. You've seemed good."
"I mean… we're working through it. I get the impression she's still angry, but she won't admit to it when I ask."
"Hm."
"Hm, what?"
"Kind of playing reverse roles now."
"What does that mean?"
"That I don't think you're good."
"If I wanted someone unhelpful, I'd have just gone to James," Kate remarked in frustration.
"I don't know what to tell you, Kate. You dumped a lot on her in one conversation."
"I get that, but-"
"Two days after she pretended in front of her parents that I was her boyfriend."
"So wh-"
"A week after she watched her real girlfriend get tossed off a thirty foot wall by her roommate."
"I…"
"You guys aren't good."
Kate sighed, knowing Melvin was hitting on all the relevant points but not ready to admit it. The truth was that the last few weeks had been some of the strangest in her and Sophie's relationship. After her slip-up, Kate had sat in panicked silence inside Melvin and James' rooms for an hour before James threatened to kick her out if she didn't explain what happened. It took another hour before she could muster up the courage to describe the final two minutes of the exchange.
"She looked like I'd just admitted to killing someone."
"I think that's just 'shock', Kate. Most people would just say she looked like a deer in the headlights."
"Aren't they both the same? It's the look of fear; of confrontation; of having to face down something you weren't wanting or expecting."
"I think maybe you're the one in shock, Kate," James chimed in.
She'd ducked out shortly after, knowing Sophie would be wrapping up with Riley and didn't want to risk running into her in 403. This pattern continued for the next day; Kate forced Melvin to play the middleman, providing real time feedback to Sophie's coming and going. In that time, communication between her and Sophie was in limbo.
It wasn't until the evening on the day after that Kate stumbled into confronting Sophie. It was in the lobby - she was leaving for the mess hall and Sophie for the library when they practically bumped into each other.
"Hey stranger, where've you been?" Sophie asked.
Kate nearly did a double take at the relaxed tone Sophie offered.
"Uh… wh-what?"
Kate blinked in confusion.
"You didn't get dropped off in the middle of nowhere again, did you?"
"I… I am lost."
"With Reyes?"
"Oh, oh, n-no. That was a one-time thing," Kate explained of her latest Sunday-morning punishment with Reyes. It had been Reyes' ill-conceived plan to replicate the first year run, and she'd spent the previous Sunday morning on a leisurely stroll through the woods.
"Gotcha," Sophie nodded. "Uh, well, I'm off to the library if you wanted to-"
"I was actually going to meet up with Chelsea and get some dinner…"
"Oh, sure."
"But I could swing by after."
"Yea, I'll… yea, I'll see you then," Sophie replied, a small smile on her face.
Kate's anxiety nearly had her bail, but Sophie's even-tempered mood was eating at her, and Kate needed to know what'd she'd have to say about their last conversation. She rushed through dinner and made her way to the library, getting to the entrance before she realized she'd left her bag back at the mess hall. She darted back to realize it and Chelsea were both gone. A chime from her phone let her know Chelsea had brought it back to the dorms. With a sigh of frustration, she made her way back toward the dorm.
Nearly forty minutes later she found herself in the dim hall of the basement library. As a cost-saving measure, the banks of lights would turn off if sensors weren't triggered. It was an eerie feeling to walk the length of the hall as she triggered each upcoming row of lights, as though counting down to some inevitable disaster. To her left were forgotten shelves of books that smelled of decades of disuse. To her right was a row of CMU blocks and the occasional door leading to the half-forgotten bays of study rooms. Above that was a continuous row of clerestory windows that glowed with occupants inside them. Behind the farthest door was the study room her and Sophie had spent the better part of the semester in, and Kate could see the soft glow from the windows flooding into the darkened hall beyond.
She flinched slightly when the last bank of lights went on, realizing that if Sophie looked up, the glow of them into the room would be an obvious sign Kate was there. Without a second thought, she gave a soft knock and twisted the handle. The door opened to reveal Sophie in her usual seat, surrounded by her usual books. She looked up in recognition of Kate and offered a smile of acknowledgement in her usual way. There was nothing about the moment that was unusual except that it was so usual.
"Have you started chemistry yet?"
"Uh… no. I was… I had another assignment to do."
"Paper for Chambers?"
"Yea."
"It was well written," Sophie said lightly, causing a small blush to erupt on Kate's cheeks.
"Uh, thanks."
"Your argument about the costs of war would have benefitted from some financial stats though," Sophie continued.
"I was saving that for mine," Kate smirked, taking a seat across from her.
"You both got the Korean War?" Sophie asked, addressing the elephant full on.
"Lucky draw," Kate shrugged. Instead of agreeing Sophie scowled slightly.
"Can I read it when you're done?"
"Sure? Why?"
"To make sure they don't sound too similar," Sophie said easily. "It's one thing to write about different topics, but it's going to seem obvious if you recycle your thesis. Chambers might get suspicious."
And that's how the next two and a half weeks went. Everything returned to normal, but concealed under that normality were conversations that pretended Kate's three-word confession had never happened. At first Kate was relieved; she took Sophie's silence on the topic as a chance to pretend she hadn't accidentally slipped up and admitted prematurely to being in love with Sophie. But the more time passed, the more she second-guessed this thinking. It wasn't premature; if anything, it was a belated admission, and Kate was beginning to genuinely worry that Sophie's avoidance was a hint at a bigger issue.
Queue her latest Lucy van Pelt session with Melvin.
"What do you think? I mean… you know her best," Melvin said, pulling Kate from her thread of thoughts.
"I've stopped having opinions. That's what you're here for, but clearly that's getting me nowhere."
Melvin scowled, understanding it to mean there was a lingering doubt in Kate's mind. He watched the slight traces of emotion play on her face before she caught his stare and shook herself of it.
"What?" she asked more confrontationally than she intended.
"Nothing… I was just thinking, you know, uh, while we're on the topic of things people won't admit: you'll never believe what happened," Melvin continued, trying to make the segue casual.
"What?" Kate repeated, pulling herself fully from her thoughts.
"I went to submit my paperwork to officially terminate my status for next term last week-"
"No shit, Melvin. I'm sorry. I'm such an ass for not asking you about tha-"
"-but when I went to the Bursar's Office they rejected them."
"What?"
"Citing that next term's tuition and board had already been paid in full. They said I'd be enrolled as scheduled."
"That… that doesn't make any sense," Kate scowled in confusion.
"Apparently a scholarship was applied."
"Huh…"
"They said private donors provide funds that get allocated as needed, and I was a recipient."
"That's great! So when do you start your shift babysitting Riley?" Kate teased.
"The timing is interesting. I hadn't told the school I wasn't coming back yet."
"That's a weird coincidence-"
"Thank you, Kate."
Kate blinked back. "I don't know what you're talking about," Kate continued.
"I know. It'll be a mystery for the ages," Melvin continued, knowing an admission would never come out of Kate's mouth.
"So does this mean-?"
"Can't put that mysterious nonrefundable money to waste, can we?"
Kate broke into a smile. "Well, I for one am glad to hear that. James… maybe not so much. I heard he was going to turn your room into a real bachelor pad to bring the ladies back."
Melvin burst out into laughter. "I can see it now - the faux bear rug-"
"-the lava lamps-"
"-and some shitty man-scents-"
"-like 'Everest Trout Pine'-"
"-or 'Lumberjack Beach Breeze.'"
The laughter continued as more and more preposterous ideas came flowing between them before eventually waning into only the occasional outburst of giggles.
When the mood had finally sobered again, Melvin turned to Kate, "She loves you. She might not be ready to say it yet, but she does."
"I hope you're right," Kate replied, feeling vulnerable at the way she clung to her own words.
"When am I ever not right?"
Kate opened her mouth to start the list.
"-about you two," he clarified, seeing where Kate was about to take it. Kate closed her mouth and pondered for a minute before a small smile crept over her face. "It's called Tactical Strategy."
"Any plans for Thanksgiving?"
"What does this have to do with chemistry?" Riley asked in disinterest.
"Nothing, just curious. Do you?"
"No."
"Not even a trip home? Gotham, right?" Sophie asked, trying to maintain the allure of casual as she reviewed the chemical equations Riley had just done.
"No."
"I could give you a ride if you wanted to surprise your fami-"
"What did I just say?" Riley interrupted, wearing a glare of impatience. "And what's with the sudden interest in my life, huh?
"I was just… we just - I feel like we've spent the entire semester at odds, and we've never really tried to get to know each other," Sophie replied, glancing up from the work with a small smile.
Riley's eyes narrowed with skepticism.
"My parents are in Europe for Thanksgiving," she replied lightly.
"Your… parents? Really?" Sophie asked in confusion.
"Yea, Dad does super important work and Mom loves to travel."
"Oh… your dad - wh-what kind of work does he do?"
"Stuff with numbers. I don't know, it's all rather boring if you ask me."
"Oh, so like an accountant or-or-"
"Sure," Riley replied offhandedly.
"Where?"
"What?"
"Where in Europe?"
"Oh who knows. All over, I'm sure."
"Ah, right," Sophie replied, trying to wrap her head around the lies she'd just been fed. She looked up and saw Riley eyeing her critically before a growl of realization changed Riley's demeanor entirely.
"She told you," Riley said suddenly in accusation.
"Who told me what?" Sophie bluffed.
"You've got a shit poker face, Moore."
"Look, before you say anything Riley, I can explain-"
"It's cute. I'm sure she played the victim card well. Told you all about how she's innocent in this game."
"Riley, hang on, I didn't- she didn't-"
"I've seen that look of sympathy for years; even before he offed himself. While we scrubbed together every penny and nickel and dime we had to pay rent-"
"Wait, I wasn't-"
"While he was off suffering through his own hell," Riley continued. Sophie hesitated, wishing she hadn't just broken the dam to Riley's anger. There was a suddenness about it; like a flip had switched.
"Riley, I'm sorry. I can't imagine what that would have been like-"
"But you know the most offensive part of it all?"
Sophie shook her head, unprepared for the specificity of and hatred in Riley's remarks.
"The day after he died? The day the Gotham Gazette published his obituary? It gave more space to the fucking elite who became rich off the backs of people like my father."
"Riley, I-"
"My father's memory had to share space on page twelve with, of all people, Kate Kane's hot new hook-up," Riley hissed, her hatred like nothing Sophie had ever experienced. Sophie hesitated with this new revelation and found herself wishing she'd never said anything, realizing she was now trapped with the bomb she'd just set off. She spent half a moment wondering if Kate had been granted this piece of information before realizing that probably wasn't a nuance that had come up when Riley blackmailed Kate months ago.
"Kate was in high school, she… she couldn't have known-"
"Kate is a Kane. The Kane's own half the city but never once have they helped the city. They treat people like my father as temporary; as replaceable; as pawns to make more money."
"But Kate isn't… she isn't like that. She-"
"You grew up around Gotham, right?"
"Yea, but-"
"How was that? You feel enriched by the tiny homes, the rampant unemployment, the-the crime? Knowing you'd never make it out of the hell-hole you were born into? The suppression? "
"I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm black. I don't need Gotham for that," Sophie shot back. "And yes, that existed - exists - but you can't blame the history of the city on one teenager."
"Can't I?"
"No, Riley, you can't-"
"Why? Because it's unfair? Are only the wealthy allowed to unfairly take advantage?"
"No, but-"
"Exactly-"
"But that doesn't mean you're in the right either. You think this article you have will, what, it will make Kate a better person? She's already a good person-"
"No. I don't care about that," Riley interrupted. "I want to make her feel the thumb her family has put the people of Gotham under for decades."
"That's… Riley, that's so messed up. You get that, right? She has literally done nothing to y-"
"Why are you defending her? Don't you see what she is? Why are you friends with something like that?" Riley asked. She surveyed Sophie for an answer.
"Because she isn't what you're describing. She cares about people. She's been through her own shit, but she still cares."
"You know she's obsessed with you, right?"
"I… what?" Sophie said, thrown by the tangent. This was not something Kate had shared with her.
"She watches you. Haven't you noticed?"
"I… no?" Sophie replied, surprised by Riley's remark.
"That doesn't freak you out?"
"I… I've never-"
"What if she tries to turn you?"
"Turn me?"
"Gay."
"I… I think I'll be ok," Sophie replied, a small scowl if disapproval forming over her brow.
"Can you imagine if she got her way and roomed with you though?" Riley continued, and Sophie suddenly understood this was just another one of Riley's games: she was trying to get Sophie to turn on Kate.
"Well, I spend most nights with Melvin anyway, so...," Sophie replied, trying to dismiss Riley's comment.
"Do you think she watches Chelsea, too?" Riley mused, her questioning continuing.
"I… Riley, I…" Sophie stumbled.
"Is that what would get you to see?"
"What? Get me to see what?"
"If she was preying on other people at this school. Clearly you'll turn a blind eye when it comes to you, but what is your threshold? Do you need more proof?"
"I… Riley, I don't understand. Proof for what?"
"To understand the kind of people the Kanes are."
"She's… she's…"
"Soph, it's ok-"
"No… no it's not. She's…"
"Maniacal?"
"That…"
"Good word, right?" Kate grinned. "My tutor can't take credit for that one; that was all me."
"Kate, this isn't funny. This isn't ok. It's-"
"Soph," Kate said softly, reading the anxiety on her girlfriend's face. She slipped her hands around Sophie's waist, pulling her to her. "It's ok, ok?"
They were in Kate's room which broke rule number three, but when Kate saw the heightened state of frustration on Sophie's face at her door, she quickly ushered her in, taking care to quietly lock the door as she closed it behind her. It took another ten minutes to get a full rundown of her confrontation with Riley.
"You shouldn't have pressed her," Kate said softly, frustrated that Sophie's upset was tied to Riley's feud with her.
"So I'm just supposed to... what, just let this happen? Let her keep getting away with things?"
"Yes," Kate answered simply.
"How have you been doing this all semester? You're bending over backwards for this," Sophie whispered into Kate's shoulder after a minute, letting the slow, comforting circles Kate's hands were drawing on her back calm her into speaking clearly.
"Well, I have this really great girlfriend-"
"Kate-"
"You should meet her. I think you two would really hit it off-"
"Kate, I'm being serious. She's… conniving," Sophie said, pulling away from Kate's hold. She looked into Kate's eyes with a world of concern and worry swimming at the edges of her own, threatening to spill onto her cheeks.
"And I'm being serious, too," Kate replied with a smile that juxtaposed Sophie's worry. "This - you; you are how I'm coping, Soph. After every run-in with her, I know I've always got you to turn to. You make every bump and bruise and fall worth it."
Kate's comment sent a tear loose down Sophie's cheek, and Kate quickly lifted her hand to wipe it away.
"That's not worth this," Sophie said softly.
Kate blinked away the small shock of surprise from Sophie's words. She opened her mouth, a desire to repeat her words from days earlier struggling on the tip of her tongue before finally settling on safer ground:
"I guess we've each got our own flavors of Riley to deal with, don't we?" Kate chuckled, pulling Sophie to her. "If anything, we're doing each other a favor."
"Oh?"
"Can you imagine what the full power of Riley would be if she didn't have multiple targets?"
"That sounds exhausting. She tried convincing me you were preying on women on campus."
"Now that sounds exhausting. Can you imagine all the work it'd take? It took practically an entire year just to get you."
"I think we should have a talk about how your memory is failing you," Sophie chuckled.
"Po-tay-to, po-tah-to," Kare shrugged. "At least you'll have a few days off soon," Kate continued in reference to the upcoming four days Sophie would be away for Thanksgiving.
"Mhm," Sophie said, before slipping out of Kate's hold. "Uhm, I should…"
"Yea, sure," Kate replied in surprise, feeling the cool Sophie's absence from her arms brought. "Uh, did you want to grab dinner together? I've got class till five and have to meet with Reyes, but after-"
"I have a session with Erwin," Sophie said apologetically, already reaching for the door.
"Right," Kate said, feeling rushed by Sophie's departure. "Hey, wait-" she called, Sophie already halfway out the door. "Is… is everything else ok?"
"Yea, of course," Sophie said quickly, glancing down either side of the hallway. "Why?"
"No… no reason," Kate said, feeling her nerves surge at another missed opportunity.
"Come in," Reyes' voice came from within the office.
Kate opened the door to find him sitting behind his desk, spectacles on the edge of his nose as he surveyed some nameless paper.
"Have a seat, Cadet Kane."
She hesitated, not entirely sure what the purpose of the meeting was. Her cast had been removed that day and she'd been cleared by medical, but this meeting had been requested in advance of that. More still, it was the week of Thanksgiving break, and she had assumed even with medical approval she wouldn't have to run a course this weekend since most students would be away from campus.
A minute passed in silence as Reyes finished reviewing the forms in front of him. Finally, he assembled the stack into a neat pile and slid it into a folder. He removed his glasses and looked at Kate for the first time since she'd entered.
"Thanksgiving plans?"
"Sorry?" Kate asked, unable to contain her surprise.
"Going home?"
"Uh, no, sir."
"Not interested in turkey with the family?"
"Lamb, actually, and no - not this year."
"Why is that?"
"Doing a double-run of the fourth year course sounded far more exciting," Kate said before she could catch herself. She heard the words from Mr. Moore echo in her ears, and she nearly sighed in frustration with herself. "I'm sorry that was… that was out of line."
Reyes leaned back into his chair, studying Kate in the renewed silence.
"What do you think you run that course for, Cadet Kane?"
"Because you tell me to."
"And why do I do that?"
"Because you have nothing better to do?"
"I thought a semester would have provided a slightly more enlightened response, Cadet Kane."
"And I thought your purview was the scholar's program."
"Purview?"
"Like it?"
"It's difficult to say."
"I can't take credit. I've got a decent tutor."
"Interesting remark given your history," Reyes replied, observing Kate. "I wouldn't think a scholar would need a tutor."
"I wouldn't know, sir."
Reyes eyed her curiously. "Yes, my purview is the scholar's program, Cadet Kane, and that goes for all scholars. Even the ones who turn down a scholarship."
A small scowl sat on Kate's brow. "Seems like your time could be better allocated on things that matter."
"Why wouldn't you matter?"
"I thought a semester would have provided a slightly more enlightened response, sir."
At this Reyes was unable to refrain from smirking.
"Enlighten me for a moment then: why did you turn down the scholarship?"
"Because I heard the guy who runs the program is a real pain to work with," Kate replied easily.
"You realize no one in the history of the academy has ever done that before."
Kate shrugged. "I'm not struggling to pay my way."
"And surely you understand that's not the soul purpose of it," Reyes added.
"I don't need someone to tell me how to spend my time to know where it matters," Kate said easily, and she knew Reyes understood what she was alluding to.
"You're smart, Kate. You're also a natural leader. You've been squandering both of these attributes in a pissing match with me all term. It's been frustrating to watch and not something I thought needed to be said explicitly to you given your upbringing."
"I guess I'm not as smart as you thought," Kate tried to dismiss, but Reyes shook his head.
"No, you're still smart. You got that from Gabi," Reyes said, and Kate's eyes widened slightly at the mention of her mother. "It's the stubbornness and pride I underestimated. I suppose that rubbed off after years with Jacob."
Kate stared back, speechless, as she grappled with the casual discussion of her parents.
"While you've established that you seem to know where to spend your time to make it matter, some guidance never hurt. You'll be working with first and third years next semester in addition to your current crew of second-year misfits," Reyes continued, as though the casual remark hadn't just sent Kate into a fit of confused silence. "That little training session you do with your peers? We'd like to see how you fair with a larger group."
"What?" Kate finally spoke. "I… I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"You will report directly to me. The first two weeks of spring term will be spent developing benchmarks together. After that I will have no role in how the work is executed, but I will expect weekly check-ins to discuss progress and adjustments to the strategy," Reyes added, breezing past the surprise on Kate's face.
"Wait, you can't just do this. This is… this is… I'm not a scholar."
"As I understand it, you started this little group last fall, correct? So as far as I'm concerned, you've acted like one for three terms."
"Not true," Kate argued back in denial.
"Are you rejecting this assignment from a commanding officer?" Reyes said evenly, not breaking eye contact with Kate.
Kate looked like she might confirm this but instead remained quiet.
"Like I said Kate, you're smart. You can lead. But you need to learn that sometimes the best way to serve is to take the direction given and accept that you don't always know best. You failed to learn that all term and, in resisting that, spent weekends answering for your pride. I don't care if you are stubborn or proud; what matters is that you know how to control and look past that for the good of the many."
"I… I don't know what to say, sir," Kate answered honestly.
"That must be a first for you."
Kate couldn't help but smile in surprise.
"You've caught the attention of a number of commanding officers who are intrigued by your work. I will reach out to schedule another meeting after this long weekend. Please come prepared with the training itinerary you've used this past term."
"Yes, sir."
"I look forward to working together, Cadet Kane."
"Hey."
"Hm?" Sophie said, her eyes not leaving the notebook in front of her. It was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving and the day after Kate's meeting with Reyes. They'd been silently studying for the last hour, and Kate was getting antsy.
"What are you doing for New Years?" Kate asked.
"Nothing if we don't pass this history exam."
"Sure, but, let's say hypothetically you ace the exam. What are y-"
"Hypothetically?" Sophie asked, darting her eyes up from the pages in suspicion.
"Well, obviously you'll ace it, but you'd accuse me of jinxing it if I said that," Kate reasoned.
Sophie opened her mouth to argue before stopping herself. "Fair point."
"So?"
"So what?" she replied, her eyes returning to the textbook.
"New Years?"
"What about my lackluster CV in the party department makes you think I have plans?"
"I… well, mostly I was just trying to be polite."
The glare of mock annoyance from Sophie caused a smile to break across Kate's face.
"Do you want to come to a party with me in Gotham?"
"No."
"Oh," Kate replied in surprise. "Did… do you want to think about it or…?"
Kate paused waiting for Sophie to elaborate. Instead, Sophie's attention was focused entirely on the textbook and notes in front of her.
"Uh… well… Evan is hosting, and I know last time wasn't exactly the greatest experience, but I was thinking maybe we could-"
"Kate."
"Yea?"
"I'm not interested."
"Are you sure-? Ok, ok," Kate said, conceding to Sophie's stare of annoyance. She turned her attention back to her own textbook, reading and rereading the same paragraph over and over again, a lingering question still unanswered: "But what if it wasn't Evan's? I mean, would you want to do something together for New Years? Could come to Gotham and-"
"No."
"Like, 'no' that's a bad idea or 'no' you aren't interested in doing something?" Kate pressed.
"'No' to all of it."
"But… wh-is it… did I do something?" Kate asked, her eyes scanning Sophie as her mind ran through the last few days for an explanation for Sophie's tone. Everything had been as normal as could be, with the exception of Sophie's run-in with Riley the day before.
"No, Kate I… I really just want to get some studying done, ok?"
"Right, but is that all? I mean, if it's something else I can shelve the winter break plans discussion until you're rea- hey, wait, what are you doing?"
"Going somewhere quiet to study."
"What? No, it's - I'll shut up. I'm-hey, would you just -Soph-"
"Kate, I'm not interested right now."
"But-"
"No, I… I don't want to stop working to talk about this. I'm leaving whether you monologue or not."
Kate watched in shock as Sophie assembled her supplies and books into a pile and left the table without another word.
"Hey, have you seen Soph?"
"You two are the worst at keeping track of each other," James complained.
"Melvin?" Kate asked, ignoring James' remark.
"No, why?"
"We had a bit of a… a thing last night. I was hoping to catch her after exams, but we finished at different times."
"Isn't she heading home today?" Melvin pondered aloud.
"Yea, but she's not in her room."
"Maybe she already left," James mused, earning him a quick glare from both Kate and Melvin. "What? It's not impossible. You did it before."
"That was different-"
"Was it?" James asked. "I mean… you said you fought. Sounds the same to me…"
"Don't antagonize. Kate never said they fought," Melvin chastised as James huffed in response. "She should be done with classes; I think she had to stop by the Reyes' office for something. Maybe she's back in her room, and you just missed her?"
"Maybe…" Kate admitted when a ping from her phone caught the attention of all three.
"Ha, I bet that's her," Melvin smirked. "Typical, she messages you but not her boyfriend. With girlfriends like that, amirite?"
DM: We're sorry to hear you can't join us for Thanksgiving. If you can spare a few minutes it would be wonderful to see you when we pick up Sophia today. You'll have to come visit over winter break when your studies aren't so intense.
"What is it?" Melvin asked, seeing the confusion riddled on Kate's face.
"I-I have to go."
"Told you - she already left," James said as Kate walked away.
"Would you shut up, man?"
Sophie barely had time to respond to the knock on her door before it flew open with a very serious and confused Kate barging into the room. Kate glanced around to make sure Riley was nowhere to be found before slamming and locking the door behind her.
"Kate, wh-"
"What is this?" Kate interrupted, lifting her phone to Sophie's face. Sophie's eyes squinted to focus on the glowing screen before her face fell.
"I… I..." Sophie stammered. Her face transformed into a mix of surprise and fear as her words were lost to Kate's imposing stare.
"Why is Diane Moore messaging me about not making it to Thanksgiving?"
"Kate, I can explain."
"Great. how about you start with the easy one: did your parents invite me to Thanksgiving?"
Sophie hesitated, suddenly feeling very small and at war with her thoughts. Finally she nodded in confirmation.
"I was going to tell you, but… but then…"
"But then what?"
"I… I don't know."
"That's not a real answer, Soph. If you didn't want me at Thanksgiving that's… it's - that's fine, I can live with that, but you didn't… you should have said something," Kate continued, struggling to understand the uncertainty she saw in Sophie. She watched Sophie's lingering hesitation keep her from speaking, and Kate felt a flare of anger. She took a calming breath before continuing. "I- I'm sorry. I… I'm just confused… and surprised. I know the last few weeks have been weird but... didn't we just do this three weeks ago? What happened to telling the truth? I don't understand why you wouldn't just te-"
"I think we should break up."
The words were simple, but they zapped the energy from Kate. She took a step back as though she'd just been slapped across the face. Silence followed as she struggled to process Sophie's words. Her mouth felt dry as she opened and closed it a handful of times, all the while watching Sophie stand silently across from her.
"Is this because of last night? Because I was… that-"
"No," Sophie said softly, shaking her head.
"If it's about Riley, I… I'll go to Lieutenant Reyes or-or someone and tell them-"
"It's not… Kate, it's not that," Sophie interrupted again, her eyes closing in frustration.
"Is… Soph, if this is because I told you I love you, I can-"
"No, Kate, it… no," Sophie said, fighting back the tears in her eyes as she averted her gaze to her fingers distractedly fidgeting with the zipper tab of her bag.
"But… Soph wh-why?"
"Because…" Sophie began, not looking up. She took a shaky breath, afraid to say what had been lingering on her mind for weeks.
"Soph, if… I need you to explain this to me. Like, actually explain this to me," Kate said cautiously. There was a pleading in her voice as she scanned Sophie's face for an explanation.
"Just… just because…"
"That doesn't work. I need more than that."
"Because I think I'm falling in love with you," Sophie finally whispered.
Kate gaped back with a small laugh of disbelief.
"Wh… S-so you… you want to break up?" A smile of surprise flashed over her face. This was the last thing she expected Sophie to say, and the shock of her admission sent a strange energy and excitement through her.
It disappeared just as quickly though when she realized Sophie's face wasn't reacting with the same feelings.
"Just… Kate, I think it's for the best."
"No… no. That… you… you get that makes no sense, right?" Kate replied nervously. "Soph, I… I don't think that's how relationships work. I mean… I'm not super experienced in this but, I feel like you don't call it quits over this," she said, trying to keep her tone light.
Sophie didn't respond. Instead a single tear fell down her cheek.
"Kate, I'm… I'm sorry."
"No," Kate said, "don't, Soph-"
"Kate-"
"No, I… I'm calling bullshit. I don't buy this for a second. What is this really about? Real talk," Kate flailed, beginning to lose control of her thoughts. She watched Sophie waffle with her words before daring to speak again.
"I can't do this, Kate. I can't… "
"Soph, what can't you do? Just tell me. Just… start there," Kate said slowly in an effort to calm her own flood of worries and frustrations at Sophie's lack of explanation. "Start with that so I know what's going on... so I can understand."
"Everything is just so - we should never have... I don't know who I was kidding or-or what I was thinking."
"I get that this semester has been weird. Things have been… I know I messed up, but I thought-"
"You didn't…" Sophie interrupted, forcing herself to take a breath to control the quivering in her voice. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"That's not what it sounds like. Just… give me a chance; let me fix this."
"You can't, Kate. You can't fix this because I can't… I-I can't date you. I can't... I can't be in love with you."
Kate watched Sophie break down into a fit of tears, and a slow realization grew inside of her.
"I'm so sorry, Kate. If it were… if we were a-a… if things were different..."
"You mean if we were a 'normal' couple?" Kate interrupted with an edge of anger and sadness in her voice. "Is that what you mean? Then this would be ok?"
"I'm sorry," Sophie whispered through another tear, her fear on full display.
"If you're sorry then don't do this."
"Kate, you've met my parents."
"I have; they're amazing people," Kate said, trying to strike the balance between her own disorienting emotions and remaining cool-tempered.
"I… they would never. If I ever told them about… about us…"
"Soph, they would still love you."
"That's easy for you to say; look at your family."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Kate asked, recoiling at Sophie's words.
"I didn't mean it like that," Sophie continued apologetically. "I just mean that you… you're from the city. You're from a world where you don't get excommunicated for the person you love."
"Soph, this isn't… where is this coming from?" Kate asked, but the moment the words came out of her mouth, deflected conversations from the entire semester came rushing back. It had been there for months: Sophie's hesitations, her unwillingness to broach long-term goals. Kate blinked in surprise, realizing it had been there all along, and she'd ignored it.
"They don't need to know yet," Kate quickly clarified.
Sophie shook her head, "That's the problem. I don't think they can ever know. I couldn't… and after I saw you with them this summer and then my dad couldn't stop talking about you at dinner with Melvin, and I… Kate you've done nothing wrong. If anything you've done everything right, but I haven't been fair. You deserve a relationship that-that isn't with someone too afraid to-"
"Soph, stop. Just… just wait a second," Kate interrupted, realization slowly dawning on how seriously and for how long Sophie had been considering this. She felt her hands instinctively reach out for Sophie and watched in surprise as Sophie retreated away from them. "Soph… you - this isn't… You don't actually mean this, right? I don't care if you don't tell them-"
"Yes you do, Kate," Sophie interrupted, calling out Kate's bluff. "All of this is… this isn't how you do things; this isn't how either of us do things," she said through freely falling tears. "You don't date people in secret, and I don't date women."
"But I'm willing to change that if you are," Kate pleaded, her own eyes fighting the sting of tears.
"I can't lie to my parents, Kate."
"I… we can - we can… I don't know. Can we just take a second? Please, Soph. We can figure something out."
Kate watched Sophie for a sign that she'd reconsider - that she might budge on her stance, but instead was met with a wall of silence. A moment turned into a minute before a low buzzing broke the suffocating silence, and Kate and Sophie's eye both darted toward Sophie's phone glowing with an incoming call. Sophie quickly grabbed it up, answering with a forced lightness:
"Hey mom! Where are- … oh, ok… mhm, yea… great, I'm almost done packing… no, no, I'll come to you… she, uh…" Sophie continued, glancing across at Kate, "she's at the library, actually… I know… maybe next time… ok," Sophie said before hanging up. "They're downstairs. I should…"
"Right, sure," Kate said, nodding in shock, the stun of Sophie's words hitting her in waves. She backed her way toward the door as Sophie rushed to wipe away the trail of tears from her cheeks and finish packing. A sense of loss filled Kate, and a fear that four days apart would cement Sophie's resolve sent her into a fit of panic. She hesitated at the door. "If I hadn't… if I hadn't said I loved you-"
"Kate, please don't-"
"Soph, if I'd never said those words, would we be having this conversation right now?"
Sophie stared back into Kate's heartbroken eyes as another tear broke loose onto her own cheek. "I don't know."
Kate swallowed, her throat tightening. "Can I take it back? Can we just… can we rewind to three weeks ago?"
"Kate… it-it wouldn't change anything. It would…" Sophie blinked and another tear fell. "This was always going to happen."
"You don't know that."
"I do. I-I did; which is selfish, I know... but I didn't… I wasn't thinking when we started that… that'd I'd fall in love with you or that you'd… I didn't realize you'd love me, and now it's… I'm sorry, Kate."
"I love you, Soph," Kate replied softly. She didn't know what the words would do at this point, but there was a realization that she may never be able to say them again.
"I know," Sophie said, her voice shaking with emotion.
"Then you'll know I want you any way that works. Even if… please just remember that, ok?"
Kate watched Sophie nod silently as she fought back another wave of tears. Kate had to fight every instinct to stay, but she also knew forcing anything more would meet resistance, and the discomfort of that in front of her parents would only drive Sophie away faster.
"See you when you get back?" Kate asked, searching for a thread of hope.
"I… I don't think we sh-"
"Please… please just say 'yes,' Soph."
"I need to finish packing."
