A/N: I really wish some of these aids had existed when I was training my own son. The incident on the bus is based on a true story, rotten kid!
Harm settles down at the kitchen table and dials the often-used number of a florist. It will be nice to use this number for no reason other than to say "I love you, and I am thinking about you." Normally when he calls, it's because he is in the doghouse for something. Hopefully, it will cheer his marine up a little bit
The florist answers the phone on the second ring, "Hello again, Mr. Rabb. What kind of trouble can I help you get out of today?"
Chuckling, Harm responds, "Actually, Maribell, I'm not in trouble this time."
Maribell smiles on the other end, "Well, that is different. Special Occasion today?"
Harm remarks, "No. I just think the Mrs. is a little down today, and could use a little pick me up."
Maribell inquires, "What did you have in mind? A spring bouquet, some wildflowers perhaps, or the standard dozen red roses?"
Harm ponders her suggestion for a moment, thinking while a spring mix might be a little unexpected, it is not quite what he is looking for. He answers, "You wouldn't happen to have lavender roses, would you?"
Maribell says, "As a matter of fact we do. How many would you like?"
Harm replies, "Let's go with the standard dozen plus two."
Maribell chuckles, "Any significance for the number fourteen?"
Harm laughs, "No. Just a dozen from me, and one from each of the kids."
The florist definitely enjoys taking orders for this man. She's only met him in person a handful of times, and a handsome devil he is. But she loves how devoted he is to his wife. "I take it these are being delivered to the usual address at JAG HQ?"
Harm replies, "Yes. Please have the card say: Just wanted to let you know that we were thinking of you. Your loving children, and devoted husband would like to invite you for ice cream at the Dairy Queen at 16:30 if you can make it. Love, Harm, Trisha, and Matthew."
Maribell jots all the info down as requested. "I got it Mr. Rabb. I'll have these delivered to your wife as soon as my driver is back."
Harm tells her, "Thanks, Maribell, you're the best!"
After he hangs up with to the florist, ensuring delivery for early afternoon, he decides to check his cell phone to make sure the General hasn't called him back yet. He starts rummaging around in his coat pockets for the phone, laughing at himself when he finds it still attached to his hip. He thinks to himself, 'I didn't realize I was so distracted this afternoon. Apparently, I was, since I still have my uniform on too. Well, at least I didn't miss his call.' Harm heads upstairs to change into a well worn pair of jeans, and a black polo shirt. He checks on Matthew, who is sleeping soundly, and heads back down to the kitchen for his next call.
Harm jovially states "Hi! Mom" when Trish picks up on the other end.
Trish is surprised to be hearing from him in the middle of the afternoon. She begins rapidly firing questions. "Harmon, is everything ok? Are Mac and the kids alright? Why aren't you at work?"
Harm sighs, "Relax, Mom, everyone is fine. Mac is still at work, Trisha is at school, and Matthew is upstairs taking a nap. I secured early today to spend some one on one time with Matthew to work on potty training. I figured I might have a little better luck if it was just us guys, and I had a few new techniques that I wanted to try with him. They seemed to help a little, but I was calling to see if you had any additional suggestions."
Trish is laughing so hard that she has tears coming out of her eyes. It's quite amusing when your child gets to deal with the same hazards they exhibited as a child when raising their own children. "Let me guess, the boy can't aim…."
Even though she can't see it, Harm is slack jawed. "How did you know that?"
Trish replies, "Harm, that boy looks just like you! Chances are, he inherited most of your genes, and if he is growing half as fast as you did at that age, I wish you the best of luck! Your grandmother was no help either. Your father was deployed at the time I was attempting to train you, and you and I were spending a couple of weeks at her farm in Pennsylvania. You just peed in the hay at her house. She said the animals wouldn't care, as it probably smelled better than they did. One time you decided to pee in the mud by the pigs, and then you slipped and fell in it. I brought you into your grandmother, and told her that since she allowed you to go wherever you wanted, that she could clean you up. Needless to say, she was not happy. I think you got rules after that about where you were allowed to go."
Harm teases, "I'm a guy mom, we can go just about anywhere."
Trish replies, "Don't I know it. I think you were about ten at the time, and you were on a field trip to the zoo with your class. Apparently, they wouldn't make any stops between the zoo and the school for potty breaks, and you really had to go. So, you went to the back of the bus with your empty soda bottle, and peed in it. I tried very hard not to bust out laughing when the principal called to tell me that one, but I wasn't successful."
Harm laughs, "I actually remember that incident. My teacher was mad. Both at me for doing it, and at the rest of the class for laughing about it. What can I say? When Mother Nature calls, you have to answer. Just hope you aren't strapped inside the cockpit of an F-14 when that happens. You can't exactly pull the plane off to the side of the road to take a wizz."
Trish tries to regain her composure after that mental picture flashes through her mind. "I imagine that would be quite difficult. So, what have you tried to use with Matt?
Harm remarks, "Pretzel rings, but they got stuck, and I had to find a plunger. And then I tried onions, but I'm not sure that was the best plan either. Bud suggested cereal, but Matthew isn't ready for that small of a target just yet. I'm looking for something that isn't food related, and that is easily flushable."
Trish thinks for a moment before answering, "My receptionist used something she ordered off the internet when she was training her boys. Hang on a sec and I'll ask her." Trish sets the phone to speaker and calls out, "Hey Mel, what did you order off line to help when you were toilet training your boys?"
Mel walks into the gallery owner's office, "They are called Tinkle Targets. They're removable stickers that you place on the bottom of the toilet that have rings, and a bull's eye in the middle. They work really well if your son is having trouble aiming."
Trish smiles, "Thank you Mel, I'll be out when I'm done talking to my son." As Mel is leaving, she tells Harm, "There ya go, you should try those."
Harm sighs, "Ok, but I'm going to have to go find some rubber gloves. I know that we keep the toilets fairly clean, but I'm still not sticking my hand on the bottom of it."
Trish laughs, "Have Mac do it."
Harm shrieks, "Mom! Mac is not going to put her hand in there either."
Trish chuckles, "Harm, the woman you married isn't a dainty little thing afraid to get her hands dirty. She's a Marine. She'll do it."
Harm teases, "Care to place a wager on that?"
His mom easily replies, "Sure, I know I will win."
Harm inwardly smiles, as he has pertinent information his mom is missing. Normally, Mac wouldn't hesitate, but with morning sickness present, the odds in Harm's favor drastically increase. His cell phone starts buzzing before he can lay out the particulars. "Hey Mom, I'm going to have to call you back, that might be the General."
Trish says, "Ok honey, let me know the terms later. Give my love to Mac and the kids. I love you, Bye"
Harm rushes, "Will do. Love you too. Bye, mom"
