a/n: hi all,
I'm such a knob. I managed to leave out a semi-important detail at the beginning of yesterday's chapter: it was part 1 of 2. The final-finale is below. Phew. That'd have been a real cheap move to just leave y'all with that cliffhanger for weeks on end.
A small housekeeping psa: When I started this set of flashback episodes, I mentioned I'd be taking a break once these chapters wrapped up. This still holds true; I've got some life to-dos I've been neglecting and am hitting pause on this for a few weeks. I don't really have a timeline, but I expect it'll be a 2-3 week hiatus. I may throw up a few chapters in the 'Outtakes' story in the meantime, but I don't know how frequently that'll occur.
That said, moving forward, and to keep my sanity in check, any flashback chapters will be posted under a different cover. I should have done this ages ago, and this latest batch of chapters is trending toward absurdity compared to the main storyline. When I started writing these, I figured they'd be little one-offs; now that they're full-blown stories unto themselves, it doesn't make sense to keep mashing this into the same thread. If you visit ao3 with any frequency, this is how the story has been uploaded from the get go, and it just makes more sense that way.
In other news: it's snowing in London today, and as a kid from Wisconsin, I'm happy as a dayem clam.
As always, my sincere gratitude for giving this story a read on the reg, and thank you for all the kind, enthusiastic, and engaging reviews. I'll er… see? y'all in a few weeks.
Cheers,
EQT.95
Twenty minutes earlier
"So how does this work?" Sophie asked cautiously as Veronica pulled her to the side.
"We bet. It's pretty straightforward: Kate always wins, so it doesn't matter what you write."
"Those aren't rules," Sophie chuckled.
"No, really. Last week I asked for a ride in her private jet," Jess chimed in.
"Kate doesn't have a jet," Sophie added.
"Yea, but it didn't matter because she still beat me."
"But there are rules," Sophie tried to clarify.
Veronica shrugged. "Technically, maybe."
"There's barely even a one in a million chance you win," a newcomer added.
"Sarah's right," Jess admitted.
Sophie looked like she might press for clarity when Veronica interrupted those intentions: "Look at it this way: you have one in a million chance of winning this thing, so my question to you is how risk averse are you?"
"Very," Sophie said easily.
"I hate it when people don't take my advice," Veronica sighed.
"That's because your advice usually sucks, V," Jess pointed out.
Veronica scowled Jess into silence but not before giving a small eyeroll of indifference. "If you aren't here to help, you can go."
Sarah and Jess both lifted their arms in defeat. "I need another drink anyway."
"Get me one, too!" Veronica called after them. "Ok," she said, turning her attention back to Sophie. "So what's your bet?"
"A beer," Sophie explained.
"You… you're joking," Veronica gawked. "I swear you and Kate are… no. I won't allow it."
"What? You've given me absolutely nothing else to go off-"
"Oh, for fuck's sake, follow your feelings for once, Sophie."
"This literally doesn't even matter because she'll win," Sophie explained.
"Exactly, so what do you have to lose?"
"Hey, Kate, wait up."
"Fuck off, Veronica," Kate shot over her shoulder.
"Now hold on just a second," Veronica called out, her voice sharp and commanding.
"What?" Kate shouted back, turning on her heel to face the scowl shooting back at her.
"What are you doing?"
"What am I-? What am I doing?" Kate gaped.
"Yes."
"I'm walking away from what you did. You, and Melvin, and everyone else in there. The whole lot of you."
"What we did? First of all, Melvin was totally in the dark. No need to throw him under the bus."
"You let that happen," Kate continued, uninhibited by Veronica's retort. "Why… why didn't you stop it? You saw what she wrote. You saw… and you did nothing. Why wouldn't you…" Kate's words faded, her emotions catching them in her throat.
Veronica watched as Kate tried to compose herself from the shock of moments before still racing through her brain at warp speed.
"Why would you put me through that?" Kate asked. Her voice was small and sounded unfamiliar.
"What exactly did I put you through?" Veronica asked simply.
"You… you didn't… and then she… it ruined everything."
"Ruined everything?"
"Yes," Kate said in exasperation. "Nothing was supposed to happen so things could be normal."
"Kate, I hate to break it to you, but whatever you think you and Sophie have right now is not something, and it's definitely not normal. You're in this weird in-between state, and she tried to do something about it."
"That's easy for you to say. You didn't just get blindsided by your ex and put on the spot in front of people you thought you could trust."
"Fuck you, Kate."
"What?"
"Don't close yourself off from that."
"You're one to talk."
"Do you have any idea what I'd have given for that?" Veronica said, her voice punctuated with her own concealed frustrations. "To have had Ashley risk that for me?"
"So what? You thought you'd just live vicariously through me? Did you see her face? She was petrified. You're better off without it," Kate growled back.
"And you're hopeless if you actually believe that. Yes, she was scared - is scared, but only because she feels something which is more than you've let yourself do for the past however many months."
Kate remained silent. She heard Veronica's words but she kept them at a distance; unable to bear letting them too close.
"You love her."
"And I'm working on fixing that," Kate argued back.
"God you're infuriating. I'm understanding why you two work so well together," Veronica sighed. "You love her," she repeated. "Admit it."
"Even if I do, that made absolutely no difference five months ago."
"Why do you argue with me? I'm trying to lecture and you just refuse to play along," Veronica scowled. "Admit it."
"Fine. Yes," Kate confessed with her own scowl.
"And she loves you, Kate."
"That didn't stop her from walking away before."
"Maybe, but it's also what brought her back."
"And what about when she leaves again?" Kate asked, the rawness of her admission displayed in her strained expression.
"Not if?"
"I can't do it again," Kate said softly, shaking her head in quiet defeat as a stray tear hit her cheek.
"Can't or won't?" Veronica asked lightly.
"Does it matter?" Kate whispered, not trusting her voice to speak through the lump in her throat.
"I can't tell you what to do. Even if I could I wouldn't want to," Veronica said. "But you have to decide if she's worth it."
"I didn't stay inside. Was that not a clear enough indication?" Kate asked with a flicker of annoyance.
"No," Veronica replied easily. "That wasn't your answer. That was you fleeing from the shock of her confrontation. It's different."
Kate didn't reply. She felt her anger fade and realized she was caught in limbo. She no longer felt the desire to storm off, but she also didn't want to cross the threshold and re-enter the bar.
"I'm going to shut up now and smoke this," Veronica said lightly, pulling out a cigarette, "and then I'm going to go back inside and ignore all the shitty things you've just said because we're friends, and that's what friends do, ok?"
Kate nodded, unable to articulate an apology but appreciative of Veronica's lingering presence. They remained in this silence for a minute, and Kate noted with gratitude that Veronica was taking her time with the cigarette.
"I can think of… a hundred reasons not to," Kate said finally. "There's no reason it won't end any differently. Nothing has changed."
Veronica nodded in understanding, taking a last pull from the burning stub.
"And even if it does, I can already see a million ways this becomes another disaster."
Veronica jabbed the glowing red end against the brick facade, letting the smoke exhale from her lungs.
"Anything else?" she asked. She flicked the dead butt into the tray next to her and turned back toward the bar, pausing for a final moment to face Kate.
"At least a dozen other things," Kate replied, her mind buzzing with all the reasons to run.
"Fine. But is she worth it?"
"So, uh, that went…" Melvin began.
"Terribly," Sarah finished, earning scowls of disapproval from the group.
"It could have been worse," Jess offered.
"No, no… not really," Sophie admitted softly. "That was so… I am such an idiot. I am… she is never going to speak to me again."
"You don't know that," Melvin quickly said. "She might just need to cool off. It's… it could have been worse," he said, falling back on Jess' words from moments earlier.
Sophie shook her head as a small smile of sadness appeared. "With advice like this, you guys should really start a business."
"That was some bad luck," Rory said from behind Sophie.
"Your timing is impeccable," Jess said dryly.
"You know who else had bad timing?" Sarah asked, earning another scowl from the group. "What? Are we not trying to make light of this?"
"I should go talk to her," Sophie said. "Tell her it was a joke."
"Oh that'll go over well," Melvin scowled. "Nothing like embarrassing her and then telling her you want nothing to do with her again."
"But that isn't..." Sophie began. "Things were getting better. They were… That's not… I just ruined this again, didn't I?" Sophie sighed into a hopeless realization. "I shouldn't have…"
Her brain was buzzing. It had only been a handful of minutes since Kate stormed out of the bar, but it had felt like a lifetime. Sophie was beside herself with terror when Veronica read off the napkin. It was a nightmare come to life when she watched Kate react in shock. The anger and betrayal rippled across her face before she rejected the 'bet'.
"V's back," Jess said quietly. Sophie turned to see that she was alone, but she wore a look of apology.
"That was my fault," Veronica confessed when she was within earshot. "I shouldn't have pushed you."
"No, it's not your fault," Sophie replied. "I should never have written it down. I don't know what I was thinking."
"You weren't. That was the whole point," Veronica sighed. "But I should have lied. I thought she would finally… shit, I'm sorry Soph."
"Sophie," she replied automatically.
"What?"
"It's Sophie."
"She doesn't like Soph," Melvin explained.
"You're joking," Veronica scowled.
"It'd be a bad joke if I was," Sophie scowled.
"So when Kate… what about her?"
"What? No, that… that's different," Sophie explained poorly.
"Oh, you're an idiot," Veronica said, her face fading into realization. "You both are such stubborn idiots."
"This is literally what I tell them all the time," Melvin said in agreement.
"I need to go talk to her," Sophie said suddenly.
"Now that's the smartest thing I've heard all night," Veronica said with relief.
"Really? Is it?" Melvin asked cautiously. "I mean, you just came back from… well, I can't imagine it was a positive conversation given you're alone."
"Yea, she looked real mad," Sarah agreed.
"She was," Veronica confirmed, "but I agree with Sophie. She's not back because I'm not the person who can fix this."
"This isn't going to end well," Melvin said, spiralling into a fit of worry.
"I… I don't care," Sophie admitted, grabbing her jacket. "I have to try."
"Woa, wait, Sophie, think about this for a second," Melvin continued. "Maybe you should just gi-"
"Melvin, I've literally thought this to death for months, and it's gotten me nowhere," Sophie interrupted. "I can't just do nothing anymore."
Melvin looked like he might disagree when he saw a look of challenge from V, and he conceded.
She didn't know where Kate was, but she figured the best place to start would be the dorms. There weren't many other places she could imagine Kate using for reprieve. Her brain was scanning options when she reached for the door and stepped aside when it opened before her to reveal Kate on the other side.
"Kate, I… hi," Sophie said in surprise, taking a step back into the bar as Kate followed. "I was just… I was just about to-"
"I don't want to kiss you because of some bet."
"Ok, that's - I get it. I crossed the line back there, and I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that. Honestly I thought you were going to win and… and no one would ever find out, and I'm sorry about all of it, and- and please don't… please don't leave. I mean, you're here, but-but... If I could do it again I wo-" Sophie froze, surprised by the feeling of Kate's finger pressed against her lips.
"I don't want to kiss you because of some bet," Kate repeated slowly. "I want to kiss you because you actually want me to kiss you."
Kate dropped her finger and waited for Sophie's brain to catch up.
"Oh."
"Oh?" Kate replied cautiously.
"It… it's a good 'oh'," Sophie clarified, although her expression suggested anything but that. "I want you to kiss me. I want you to want to kiss me."
"But…" Kate said, hearing the hesitation in Sophie's voice.
"I just want to-to… can we go outside for a minute?" Sophie asked, feeling the weight of a dozen pairs of eyes staring at them from across the bar.
Kate visibly swallowed down her concerns and gave a small nod, letting Sophie take the lead as they took the few final steps out into the night air. Once there, Sophie paused a moment, feeling the weight of Kate's gaze which suddenly felt a hundred times more intense than in the bar.
"I don't really have a clear… I'm going to… I'm just going to say words. It might not be articulate or… or... is that ok?"
For as nervous as Kate suddenly was, a part of her was amused by the innocence of Sophie's admission.
"Yea, sure," she replied, inviting Sophie to continue.
"I wrote that down thinking you'd never see it. I assumed you'd win and I could just let it be a secret thing. But then you lost which… I meant it; what I wrote, and honestly, I'm not upset you know, but I am sorry for how this all happened. I should have just said something earlier, but I didn't want to… I didn't want to lead you on or hurt you again or…"
Sophie paused as she tried to get a handle on her thoughts. Kate was about to interject when Sophie began with surprising conviction:
"I love you, Kate. And I want this and you and… that's never changed. I've never not wanted this; even five months ago when I said… and if we kiss I don't want it to be nothing but I'm afraid of what it means if it's something because I know that I messed it up before. You are… I am… I am so in love with you, and that scares me - terrifies me, really, because I want to make you happy, and I didn't do that before. I hurt you last time. Everything about this and-and us isn't... what if it doesn't make you happy? What if I can't make you happy? What if I mess this up again?" Sophie began, her eyes swimming with all the emotions her words carried. "I love you, and I'm so afraid of disappointing you because you are… everything and more. You're one of the best people in my life. I love being around you. I love your laugh and your stubbornness and your cheesy charm, and the way you obnoxiously put everyone else before yourself and the way you've overtaken every corner of my brain and heart and… and I don't want to fail at this Kate because I don't know how I could ever forgive myself if I ruined this and you weren't in my life again. I want to be everything you deserve in a relationship.
"And that's why I can't just… " Sophie continued, beginning to get flustered, "As much as all of that is true, I also have a part of me that isn't ready to be out. That part hasn't changed, and I don't know if it ever will, and I hate myself for not being stronger… for not having that kind of courage... for lying to my parents about who I am. But I also realize that whether we're together or not doesn't change that lie. And right now I'd rather lie than face the chance they reject me for it. But doing that also means lying about who you are to me, and you deserve more in a relationship than that. And I don't want you to feel like it's because of you; it's not. I'm just not there yet, and I want you to know that because I don't want to hide anything from you again."
Kate watched Sophie for a moment, her brain buzzing with all the insecurities and concerns voiced. Hearing them was a breath of fresh air to all of Kate's doubts and, to Sophie's surprise, a small smile appeared on Kate's lips.
"What?"
"You've always made me happy."
"That's not even remotely true," Sophie scowled.
"Ok, fine: there wasn't a day we were together that I wasn't," Kate clarified. "Even days you were a pain in the ass it didn't matter because you could never not make me happy, Soph. I just want to be with you - whatever that means. Things don't have to change. You don't have to know if or when you want to come out to your parents. All I care about is that, if that day does come, I want to be there with you."
"Really?" Sophie asked in surprise. "But what about… it'll be a secret again."
"I don't know if you've noticed, but everyone in that bar knows. You might not be ready to come out to your parents, but you just outed yourself to about fifteen of your peers tonight," Kate pointed out. "Which, by my book, is a pretty courageous thing to do."
Sophie struggled to respond and Kate took the opportunity to take a step closer.
"I don't have the answers for how this is supposed to work, and I'm not expecting you to have them either. If we did that would be… that'd be really boring," Kate said with a thoughtful smirk. "But that doesn't mean we can't figure it out. I want to deal with this stuff with you - together. I want to know when you're scared just as much as I want to know when you're happy or mad or grumpy. If you never tell me then we can't do anything about it; then we break up. And, speaking from experience, I definitely don't want that.
"I also know I'm not exactly the greatest at this either, but if you promise to try not leaving me in the dark anymore and that we'll tackle everything out in the open, I promise the same, ok?"
"I- I didn't… are you… yes, ok," Sophie said, trying to catch up to the ease with which Kate was handling everything.
"Great. Was there anything else?"
Sophie remained silent, instead responding with a look of confusion.
"Buzzing around your brain. Was there anything else?" Kate clarified.
"I… I don't think… no. You?"
"Just one: I would very much like to kiss you now," Kate smirked.
"You sure?" Sophie said with a small twinkle in her eye. "Because now that I think about it, the merits of Wayne Tech's investments in hydrogen energy has been whirring around in my brain for a while now-"
"Soph."
"Yes?" Sophie grinned back, feeling Kate's hands find her waist.
"I want you to kiss me."
And Sophie did. For all the built up tension the semester had produced, their first kiss was surprisingly tender. They resisted the pull toward something blindly passionate, and in its place came a softness. They cherished the lightness as they became reacquainted with the touch and taste and scent of each other. They were lips they'd kissed a thousand times over, and while it was filled with all the familiarity they expected, there was also the feeling of something new taking hold.
a/n part ii: So this is where the flashback chapters were supposed to end, but because of a recent guest request for happy chapters, I've included an epilogue of sorts to close this out. Enjoy!
"Awwww, does this mean you two are back together?"
The voice sent a shockwave through Kate as her eyes bolted open and found, cast in the light spewing from that hall and standing in the middle of the room, Chelsea and Tony. She felt Sophie's body go rigid in her arms, presumably from the same panic that was coursing through Kate's veins.
She quickly discerned from the darkness of the room that it was not morning yet, and that Chelsea had made an unexpected visit to the room after confirming she'd be at Tony's for the night.
"Che-chelsea, hey," Kate stammered. "What… what are you doing here?"
"Cute," Chelsea replied with a humored grin. "I'll take that as a yes. Tony?"
"That's what it looks like to me," he smirked, earning a blush from the couple as Chelsea pulled out her phone.
"Wait, you knew?" Sophie asked, sitting up and articulating what Kate was only just realizing. She felt Kate mimic the move but noted her hands remained gripped around her.
"This is too good. Who won?" Chelsea asked Tony, her phone typing at the speed of a bullet all while ignoring Sophie's question. "Not Miller, right?"
"Maybe?" Tony groaned. "Him and James were super close."
"What are you talking about?" Kate asked.
"Maybe we could wait to tell them," Chelsea pondered, her thumbs paused mid-stroke. "I hate that they were the last two standing."
"Guys," Kate began again.
"You couldn't have done this like, a month ago?" Chelsea asked, now looking at Kate and Sophie.
"I… what?"
"When you came to get Kate's bag that night. Ugh, it would have been perfect," Chelsea complained.
"She would have won," Tony said, as though that explained everything.
"Won what?" Sophie asked.
"The pool," Chelsea sighed.
"The… the pool?" Sophie repeated.
"You didn't," Kate gaped.
"You two really are the worst," Chelsea continued.
"We are?" Kate stammered. "I think we need to reevaluate that. You had a bet going all semester on us getting back together."
"Did you really?" Sophie asked, quickly drawing the same conclusion.
"Well it wasn't supposed to last all semester," Chelsea chastised. "Honestly everyone thought you'd be back together by early March, at the latest. What is wrong with you?"
"How long have you known?" Kate asked.
"About which part?"
"...all of it?"
"Oh, ages," Chelsea said simply.
"Are you serious?" Sophie chimed in with her own flavor of surprise.
"Martha figured it out first," Tony elaborated. "Last… May? April?"
"Late April. She told me, and I asked Melvin to confirm. Obviously he denied it because, you know, that whole 'fake dating' thing you were doing," she said, using air quotes for emphasis. "So I asked James who tried at first to deny it but then slipped up a week later to Miller of all people-"
"Who then told Martha who told Chels," Tony added.
"And Tony found out from me, obviously. Then we finally all confronted Melvin who, poor guy, just got bullied into admitting it."
"And that was maybe the final week of spring term?"
"Wait, so… you've known this whole time and didn't say anything?" Kate asked.
"Hey, we aren't the only guilty parties. Besides, it's your business," Chelsea admonished. "But damn, all those hoops you jumped through. The door idea was cute, by the way," she winked at Kate.
"I… uh," Kate faltered.
"Did you know?" Chelsea asked Sophie.
"Not until it was happening."
"Oh, just throw me under the bus," Kate muttered.
"It's true, though," Sophie said defensively.
"I think it's adorable. Kate Kane the romantic," Chelsea sighed. "Tony never does that for me."
"Why would I ever need to pretend to lock you in a room?" Tony gaped in confusion.
"Anyway, just came by to grab my charger. You two have a good night," Chelsea winked. "We should do breakfast tomorrow. Say ten in the mess hall?"
"Uhm, sure," Kate blindly agreed.
"Great, the whole group will be there. Can't wait to tell them," Chelsea smirked as she ushered Tony toward the door.
"Wait, what?"
"Night you two," Chelsea called before closing the door.
Kate and Sophie sat in the dark for a moment, both unspeaking as they processed what just happened. The timing was impeccable: they'd spent part of the walk home from the bar trying to decide if and when to tell the rest of the group:
"I mean, it kind of doesn't make sense to hide it anymore, right?" Sophie offered.
"You sure?" Kate asked cautiously. Generally she agreed with Sophie. After months of hearing tales from the Tuesday crew, she was warming to the idea of people knowing, but she was also conscious of Sophie's hesitation about it being public knowledge.
"Yea. I'm not suggesting we make out in public or anything, but it'd be way nicer not to have to hide it from the people we see everyday."
"Were you not the one I kissed on the sidewalk a few hours ago? Because if not, I'm bringing the wrong girl home."
"What?"
"That was public, Soph," Kate grinned.
"Well that was easy," Kate offered after a minute.
"Yea, no kidding," Sophie agreed.
"It does make me wish we knew sooner though," Kate said thoughtfully as the shock of the moment wore off.
"Yea, no kidding," Sophie repeated.
"We wouldn't have had to spend all of last term in that awful study room," Kate continued to ponder. "Or that stairwell."
"No kidding."
"Are you glitching?" Kate smirked.
"No, we're just on the same brainwave and you're saying everything I'm thinking before I can."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"How, exactly?"
"Because you just said I'm a quicker thinker than you," Kate teased.
"Not true."
"I read between the lines," Kate replied easily before giving Sophie's cheek a quick peck and falling back into the pillow.
"Well then you're terrible at reading," Sophie said, forcing a scowl that quickly dissolved into a grin at the sight of Kate feigning her own expression of offense. "All those nights studying lit were lost on you."
Sophie quickly joined Kate, nestling back into their position from before Chelsea and Tony's bombardment.
"Depends on how you look at it."
"Oh?"
"I got you, didn't I?" Kate asked lightly.
"Well played," Sophie conceded.
They both sighed into silence, lost in their own contentment at being together again. It didn't take long for Sophie to hear Kate's breathing, and she found herself fighting off sleep to stay in the moment.
"You aren't sleeping," Kate murmured drowsily, stirring from the grips of her own sleep.
"Your observation skills have improved," Sophie muttered with a clarity that suggested she was nowhere near falling asleep.
"Why aren't you sleeping?"
A moment passed without a response.
"Soph?"
"I'm an idiot," Sophie admitted cryptically after a moment.
"Yes."
"I'm glad that didn't take much convincing," Sophie smirked, squeezing Kate under the covers.
"Mostly I'm humoring you," Kate grinned against Sophie's neck. "You'll just monologue until I concede and agree anyway. This'll get you to sleep faster."
"I love you."
Kate chuckled.
"So you've said," Kate said, her grin growing.
"Sorry, I know. I just didn't expect to like saying it so much."
"I'm not complaining."
"Good."
"But why are you a halfwit?" Kate asked, her brain now waking up fully to join the conversation.
"Where do you find these words?"
"It's good, right?"
"It's both more offensive and nicer than 'idiot'," Sophie replied thoughtfully.
"Totally what I was going for," Kate smirked. "But really - and you don't have to give the whole list; that'd be exhausting. The sparknotes version is fi- ah, ah,why are your hands always so cold?" Kate cried as she flinched away from the fingers grazing her stomach. "We're under blankets and everything," she huffed as Sophie giggled in victory.
A moment passed before Kate pressed again: "So?"
"Because I thought this wasn't worth fighting for," Sophie answered after a moment. "I am… you make me so happy. I love you, Kate Kane."
"I love you too, Sophie Moore."
