*A/N I don't own Maze Runner or any of its characters, only my own OC. This oneshot is dedicated to the people who are left behind and must learn to live on after the death of a loved one.

Please, Tommy… Please.

I'd like... to say…

If you were ever my friend...

I'm OK

Kill me.

But I'm not

Rachel sat silently in a corner on the Berg, not looking at anyone. Minho glanced at her every so often, the Asian boy's face tight, but she ignored him as she had ignored everyone else. All she could do was stare at her hands, dyed in red and black from where she had grasped onto her last ray of hope.

I try

Two weeks later, Thomas awoke.

He stumbled from the hut where they had nursed him in his unconsciousness, and he stared around in wonder at the life that the Immunes had started since leaving WCKD far behind. Well, the life most of them had started.

But I fall

In a corner of the newly established settlement, inside the abandoned Berg, a brunette girl remained mostly unmoving, only reacting to Sonya or Harriet's presence, sometimes Aris when the three came to make her eat. Rachel hadn't stepped foot off the ship since they'd dragged her aboard. And they were becoming less certain she ever would.

Close my mind, turn it off

Rachel tried, she did. She made the effort to bathe eventually, washing off the blood and black Crank pus with her silent tears mixed with the water Sonya provided… but it took one look outside at the Safe Haven they'd dreamed of and she would break down again.

We had plans, we had visions

"I think the Safe Haven isn't going to be like this city." Newt said, carefully hiding the growing certainty that he would never see any place let alone the Safe Haven by the time morning came. "It won't be another Maze, no walls. It'll be open, with the real sky above and endless space all around - maybe with plants and trees like we had in the Glade. None of this sand and dry dirt. We could plant food and maintain a garden; it's how we survived in the Maze and it was actually quite fun sometimes."

Now I can't see ahead

Rachel gasped for breath, her entire body wracked with sobs, as she remembered how that conversation - one of their last ones - had gone, in a time that felt so far away. When they were planning to infiltrate WCKD's main base to rescue Minho. Before she'd realized Newt had the Flare. Before everything had gone wrong.

We were one

Rachel had relaxed, and she was listening quietly, her grey eyes staring into Newt's as he gazed down at her softly.

"And this time, we wouldn't have to worry about Grievers or WCKD. Kids would be able to be kids, not test subjects or soldiers. Adults would only have to worry about what to make for dinner to escape Frypan's slops, and not anything else."

Rachel smiled.

We were golden

"What about… us?" Rachel asked tentatively.

Newt barely managed to keep his emotions from showing on his face but he couldn't quite hide the despair in his eyes at her words. Rachel stared back, and he could see she was puzzled by what she was sensing from him.

Striving for a brave smile, Newt answered honestly, "I would like us to still be together. I would take you out properly instead of running from bloody storms, WCKD, and… Cranks."

Forever you said

He gently lifted his hand, tucking Rachel's hair behind her ear though he kept his eyes on hers. She was looking torn between elated at his words and concerned at his strange emotional state, though Newt was relieved to see she wasn't suspicious yet.

"I would do little things to make you laugh or smile, do my best to keep you from ever crying again; find you flowers and take you on a picnic under the stars."

But I can't be sober, I cannot sleep

Rachel keened, the pain threatening to consume her - but it never did. It never bloody did, and all she could do was live in the constant pain without the sweet relief of death that Newt had received.

You've got your peace now, but what about me?

"She's still like this..." Aris murmured as he and Harriet found the curled ball that had once been their friend. Rachel had obviously cried herself out yet again and was now staring blankly at the opposing wall.

"She never got closure." Harriet sighed. "I suppose that's what makes it worse."

'No…' Rachel thought as their words sank in somewhere in her subconscious. 'That's not it...'

Thought we had the time

"Newt, what's wrong?" Rachel asked at last, her voice soft and full of only love and worry. It caused a sharp sting in Newt's chest but he braved another smile.

"Nothing."

"Newt..." Rachel began doubtfully, but he shook his head.

"I'll tell you later - I promise." Newt promised.

Had our lives

LIAR!

Rachel clutched her head as she remembered the last smile Newt had given her just before they'd all jumped out of the window to escape WCKD's headquarters.

He'd promised there'd be a later… and he'd lied.

Now you'll never get older

The moment the knife plunged into Newt's chest, Rachel had felt like her own heart had been stabbed.

Older

But all she could do was stare in horror as Newt froze, mid-way through his mindless assault on Thomas, before the blond collapsed next to an equally horrified Thomas who stared at his hands in numb shock at having killed his best friend. Rachel's legs suddenly felt incredibly weak and she collapsed onto her knees, unable to tear her eyes away from where the boy she loved lay. Dead.

Didn't say goodbye

"Newt?" Rachel croaked out after she'd numbly crawled her way over to the teenage boy. "Newt?"

He just lay there, his eyes - blackened by the effects of the Flare - staring unseeingly up into the sky. Rachel sobbed and she clutched his bloodied shirt, heedless of the way she was getting blood and the blackened pus that Newt had kept throwing up, all over her. All she could focus on was desperately searching for some kind of life in Newt's blank eyes; but there was none.

"Newt!"

Now I'm frozen in time

It was like time itself stood still around her. Things were exploding all around, people were still screaming in the distance, fires lit the dark night sky with an eerie, orange glow; but none of that mattered anymore. All Rachel could hear was a terrible ringing in her ears and all she could see was the lifeless, blackened eyes of the boy she had loved.

Getting colder, colder

Brenda and Frypan had to haul the screaming, wailing teenage girl away from the body.

"No!" Rachel thrashed. "No, let me go! I can't leave him!"

"Minho we got to go! Help us!" Frypan begged, but the Asian boy was also staring numbly down at Newt's body.

One last word

"Please!"

One last moment

Something exploded near them, sending another building collapsing right behind them and Frypan bellowed, "MINHO!"

Minho finally seemed to wake up and he seized Rachel from Brenda. Rachel screamed even louder.

"NO! Minho, let me go, we can't leave him here! Stop! I can't leave him! Newt! NEWT!"

To ask you why

Rachel fought and writhed the entire way to the Berg, where Harriet took over from Minho and Frypan in alarm.

"What happened?!" Harriet demanded as Minho held Rachel back from where she was desperately trying to scamper off the Berg.

"Take us off!" Minho hollered at Jorge, who hesitated. "DO IT!"

"Minho, what happened?" Harriet demanded and Minho averted his gaze, his jaw working.

"Newt's dead."

You left me here behind

Harriet could only stare numbly at Minho while Jorge took them off. Rachel's screams heightened with the Berg as she pleaded and begged for them to let her go, to go back to Newt.

You said you'd grow old with me

Eventually, Rachel stopped screaming. Eventually, they found Thomas, trapped on the roof of the WCKD headquarters building. They managed to save him… but Teresa fell to her death after one more explosion took down the building before they could pull her onto the Berg.

Rachel barely noticed; all she could do was stare blankly at the opposite wall, physically unable to cry anymore. But anyone who looked at her could see the truth plain as day: her soul continued to cry for the boy they left behind as they escaped the Last City.

Thought we had the time

For the first few days, Rachel thought she would go mad. No matter how desperately she tried, the only thing that she kept seeing when she closed her eyes was Newt's body, his lifeless eyes. She couldn't even dredge up the happier memories of him, or even just any other memory of him. It was as though his death had burnt itself into her mind's eye, burning everything else out.

It took about four days before she could remember, see, think, and dream of the happier memories of Newt. And then it was a different kind of pain, as she saw the smiles she would never see again, heard the deep timbre of his voice that she would never hear again, and felt the warm touch she would never feel again. Her heart, already ripped into shreds, began to bleed anew and with it returned the tears.

Had our lives

One month into their arrival, Rachel finally left the Berg, leaning on Minho's arm. She was deathly pale and thin with dark purple bruises all around her eyes. Her legs were shaky from lack of use and she had to hold onto Minho for support the entire way - but Aris, Sonya, and Harriet breathed sighs of relief to see her finally starting to heal. Frypan silently prepared a bowl of warm stew and Thomas avoided Rachel like the plague.

Now you'll never get older

On the one year anniversary of their arrival at the Safe Haven, Minho searched the whole compound determinedly. He looked through the med huts, the storage huts, the abandoned Berg. He finally found what he was looking for in the deepest corners of the garden, hidden in the bushes.

Older

Rachel looked up, her face tear-streaked, and Minho just silently settled next to her, understanding her pain without any words needed. None of them knew their birthdays (how could they?) but now they knew for certain - all of them would be at least a year older. But Newt never would be.

Didn't say goodbye

"I miss him." Rachel whispered, and Minho nodded.

"So do I." He replied and Rachel closed her eyes as she leant against her saviour.

Now I'm frozen in time

After the first three weeks of their arrival in the Safe Haven, Rachel had begun to finger the Berg console. There were a few places where she could break open the covering… if she did, would she find a sharp enough edge? She wondered. Could she open some wires and start the engine?

Getting colder

Aris and Sonya arrived just in time to see Rachel lifting the sharp metal plate she'd finally managed to wrestle out of the console board, to her neck. Sonya jumped the brunette girl while Aris ran for help, and the blonde girl was shocked by the strength Rachel had left as the girl thrashed about.

Then again, Sonya supposed, Rachel had clearly had the energy to work open the console and somehow pull out one of the metal sheets from the innards of the control board. However, this did little to comfort her and she finally snapped.

Colder

"Rachel!" Sonya screamed at her friend as Rachel fought against her tight grip. "Stop it! This is going too far!"

"Leave me alone!" Rachel shrieked right back at her friend, her grey eyes haunted and half-wild with a different kind of madness than the Flare. "You don't understand!"

"I don't understand?" Sonya repeated viciously. "I don't?! Harriet and I were in the Maze for three years. Do you know how many people we lost in there? Do you?!"

"It's different!" Rachel shouted back. "The Maze, the Scorch, the whole world; I saw death everywhere too! But this is different, none of that can compare, none of them were-!"

One last word

"Newt."

One last moment

Rachel looked up at the new voice, one she hadn't heard in three weeks since he'd hollered at Jorge to escape. Minho stood in the doorway to the Berg, his gaze haunted but grim. His back was straight, his skin healthy, and physically he looked every bit the Runner that Rachel had first met so many months ago.

"You think you're the only one who lost something when he died?" Minho asked in a low voice. "That you're the only one hurting?"

"You didn't-" Rachel began viciously, but Minho cut her off harshly.

"-Love him? Maybe not the way you did. But he was my best friend; that shank and I went back as far as either of us could remember. He kept me grounded when I thought I was going to lose my mind in the Maze; he was the glue that held us together in that hopeless place. Even after we lost Nick, Newt was there to help us on. I owe him my life and more, and he died without me repaying him."

Rachel stared at Minho, silenced at the raw pain in Minho's voice and eyes… and for the first time since Newt had died, not feeling alone.

To ask you why

"How?" Rachel whimpered, her voice broken. "How can you keep going?"

Minho's face softened from the angry mask only to scrunch up in pain.

"Because he would want me to." Minho replied quietly. "He didn't want to hurt us; he chose the harder option of leaving us so he wouldn't risk hurting us. He wanted us to live."

"I'd rather he stayed. I'd rather have died with him." Rachel whispered, tears shining in her eyes, and Minho nodded.

"Me too. But what's done can't be undone. So I choose to honour him by living a damned good life because that's what he gave his life for."

You left me here behind

There were many times after that when Rachel lapsed and she would eye the meat knife with an unhealthy obsession. But Minho was always there, stoically removing the knife from sight and giving Rachel a look none of the others could decipher. For some reason that no one else could explain, this was always enough for Rachel to duck her head and take deep breaths… and sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, she'd get back on her feet again.

What the others didn't understand was that Rachel knew Minho truly understood her. Thomas might too, but the boy felt too guilty to seek Rachel out and Rachel - though she knew it wasn't fair - harboured too much resentment to seek Thomas out. But Minho stuck beside her, whether out of his feeling of obligation to look after Newt's girl or because he secretly needed her understanding the way she often needed his neither of them really knew. But he stayed… and she stayed too.

You said you'd grow old with me

At the end of her life, at the age of sixty-two, Rachel stared out the window at the stars. Most of the people she'd fought to survive with were already gone - Frypan had died of a heart attack at the age of fifty-four, and Thomas had died quietly four years later, finally at peace. Vince and Jorge had also been long gone by then, but Brenda bore her husband's death well with the help of her two children. Aris and Sonya passed within days of each other just a year after Thomas, and the couple's one son buried them near the sea that they had sailed across, facing the horizon where they had left many behind, as they had requested.

Rachel herself had never married, although many people joked she and Minho might as well have. It was true to some extent - they had lived together many years and went to most events together. But even now, as she faced death, all Rachel could think of was Newt. She pictured the life she could have had with him. A hut together with a garden for growing their own vegetables, their children running around with Tom Jr. and little Teresa. Newt hugging her from behind and rubbing Rachel's stomach where it was swollen with a child Rachel never had borne in this life. Holding wrinkled hands as they walked along the beach in their older years, and then as they lay together and faced death together like Aris and Sonya had.

Rachel's eyes fluttered closed and a single tear trickled down. It had been a long, winding road… but death was finally ready for her. And she slipped into the darkness with a sigh of relief, the dull ache that had always been present in her life disappearing as her soul left the world.

And Minho, upon discovering her body the next morning, prayed that she would finally be reunited with Newt somewhere, somehow. And that wherever they were, this time, they would get to grow old together.