Chapter 1

I woke up in my usual groggy state, my head dull and throbbing from my choices of the night before. Nathan had already left for work thankfully, as I didn't have the energy to argue with him right now. We barely talked any more, and he had stopped making the effort to hide his infidelity months ago. He and I both knew that I knew, and I suspected the only reason he tried to pretend we were still a happy couple was because he was afraid of what my brother would do to him when he found out that he wasn't treating me the way he promised him that he would.

Though, in my own way, I was just as bad. I was lonely and miserable, finding comfort in the bottle rather than going home to my brother and admitting I had made a mistake. The sad truth was, I knew my brother would welcome me back with open arms. I was just too stubborn to admit I should never have left Santo Padre in the first place.

Groaning at the pain in my head, I got out of bed. I really needed to sober up because I was on shift today. I worked as a nurse in the emergency department of Sharp Memorial hospital in San Diego. I loved my job but it was getting harder and harder to perform effectively when I felt like I was choking in my own personal life. If it wasn't for my best friend, Bethany, working with me, I fear I would've given up weeks ago.

I put my uniform on and padded down the stairs, stopping when I heard a voice in the other room. Peeking around the corner, I realised I wasn't alone after all, and Nathan was on the phone. Even though I knew I wouldn't like what I heard, I couldn't help but strain to listen.

"Yeah, baby, I'll be there tonight, straight after I finish," he said. "No… she's still in bed. Empty bottle of jack left on the side… I know we need to tell her but I won't be blamed for her drinking. She's a grown woman who can make her own choices…. Yes I know. Don't worry babe, I've got your jacket. Yeah, you left it in my car. Clearly had too much fun taking it off you, I found it under the seat… oh really? I can't wait to see it… maybe I'll rip that off you too," I stopped listening at that point, my eyes filling with tears. He was an absolute asshole and it was clear he didn't give a shit and probably never did. I ground my fists into my eyes in frustration. I wouldn't cry for him. Whoever the whore was on the other end of the phone, she deserved him. They deserved each other. But I deserved better. I needed to get out of this situation.

Sitting on the stairs, planning how I was going to change the locks and burn his shit when I got home from work, I noticed a coat on the bottom of the stairs. I didn't recognise it, so this was clearly his mistress's jacket. Anger swelled in me, and I had a momentary urge to take a pair of scissors to it. I picked it up, smelling the sweet perfume that lingered all over it. Looking at the label, I could see she was a skinny bitch. Slimmer than me at any rate. Probably prettier too. I dropped the jacket back on the stairs as if it burned me, and made a show of thumping my feet on the last couple of steps, so Nathan would hear me. I heard him hurriedly put the phone down before I burst into the kitchen.

"Morning," he greeted me, putting his coffee cup in the sink and moving rapidly towards the door. "I hope I didn't wake you last night. It was a late one at the office." I glared at him, wondering if I really wanted to have it out with him, when I knew I was due in work in 30 minutes.

"You didn't," I responded in the end and he nodded. "Will you be home for dinner?"

He shook his head, going through the motions, "no it'll be another late one. Lance called with a last minute expansion project we're working on. I doubt we'll get time to breathe today." I doubted it too, as I was seriously considering strangling him and putting an end to this façade. Instead I nodded, faking a smile.

"I've gotta run. I'll see you tomorrow," he said, and headed out the front door. I didn't even remember the last time we kissed each other goodbye. Not that it mattered now. I planned to never see him again.

I got to work with 10 minutes to spare before my shift. I couldn't get this morning out of my head. Though I knew he had been cheating on me for a while, hearing his phone call and smelling that jacket was entirely different. I couldn't believe I had wasted so much of my life, and that someone I loved could betray me like that. It made me feel physically sick. Walking into the hospital to put my scrubs on, all I could think about was how much I needed a drink. Just 8 hours to go and I could toast my old life away with a bottle of whiskey. Maybe even smash Nathan around the head with the bottle when I was done.

Opening my locker, I laughed at my fortune. It was 2 weeks after Christmas, my first shift back at the hospital, and I had forgotten that I had left my secret santa gift here in my rush to get home. Looking at the mini bottle of gin set complete with a handful of truffles, I felt like God was with me. Glancing around to see the room was empty, I wasted no time opening one of the little bottles and taking a swig. As the burn hit my throat I instantly felt better, clearer. Sighing in contentment as my emotional pain temporarily drained away, I closed my locker and got ready for my shift.

As I set out onto the department floor, the shift manager called me over to the desk, informing me we had a young child in bay 2 from a car accident. He had a broken leg and required surgery, but they couldn't do anything until the glass was removed from his leg and back. She asked for my assistance and I nodded, noticing the room was spinning slightly. Going over to the bay, I tried to smile at the young boy, who was clearly in a substantial amount of pain.

"Are you ready, Nurse Losa?" My manager asked, pulling me out of my momentary daydream. I nodded, sitting on the bed and taking my tray of tools in hand. I picked up the alligator forceps from the kidney bowl, my hands shaking. Moving closer to the boy, I attempted to remove a rather large piece of glass from his thigh, but my hands were tremoring so badly I couldn't control my movements, and I missed the glass, causing the boy to cry out in pain.

"Nurse Losa! Move away from the patient please," My manager spoke harshly, suddenly yanking the instruments from my hands. I moved away from the bed in shock, to be replaced seconds later by another nurse. I looked over at my manager, who was looking at me horrified.

"A word, Nurse Losa. Now," she clipped, stalking out of the bed and leading us back into the locker room. I followed her, feeling hopeless and helpless. Nothing I did in this world was ever right. I was a terrible sister, a terrible partner and, now, I had failed as a nurse too.

"What happened?" she growled, the second the door swung closed. I shook my head, the room spinning worse than it ever had. I nearly lost my balance, grabbing on to the bench and sitting down at the last second. She looked at me in disgust.

"Your pupils are dilated, Nurse Losa. You look unkempt, you're having tremors and you can't even walk straight," she said coolly, and I looked at the floor. "You have entered this place of healing, our place of work, whilst intoxicated and put all of our patients at risk. I expected better of you."

"I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to explain, but she didn't want to hear it.

"You're suspended from all of your duties from this moment onwards. The board will need to hear about this and you will be invited to trial before you will be allowed back on hospital premises," she told me formally, pulling her back straight. "You have 10 minutes to collect your things and be on your way."

"Please, I can explain," I tried again, tears running down my face.

"I don't want to hear it, Nurse Losa. I'm very disappointed in you. Anything you have to say, you can say it to the board," she concluded, stalking out of the room, leaving me sobbing.

What had I done? I'd hurt an innocent child. I'd caused my husband to cheat on me. I abandoned my brother. I hurt everyone and everything that I touched.

All of a sudden I wasn't alone, as the door to the locker room opened.

"Maya?" I heard the familiar voice of my best friend, Bethany. I forgot she was also due on shift today. "Oh my god what happened?" She asked, taking in the sight of me.

"I got suspended," I told her, still sobbing.

"What? Why?" She gasped, pulling me in for a hug. I hugged her tightly, trying to calm down. After a couple of minutes, I took in a deep breath and my whole world came crashing down for a third time.

She was wearing the same perfume.

I froze, pulling away from her. She looked at me, confused and concerned.

"I haven't been feeling myself today, Bethany," I told her, narrowing my eyes. "I'm sure you can guess why."

"No?" She asked, her eyes widening in surprise. I shook my head, speechless.

"How long?" I asked and she just looked at me. "How long have you been sleeping with Nathan?" Her eyes widened and then filled with tears, confirming my suspicions.

"I'm so sorry, Maya," she pleaded. "I never meant for it to happen." She cried out as I wiped my hand across her face.

"How fucking dare you!" I screamed. "You were my best friend! How could you?" She continued to cry, clutching her face. I stood up, backing her into the wall next to the door.

"If I ever see your face again, my brother won't be the only criminal in our family," I whispered, and she nodded, whimpering.

I stormed out of the hospital, jumping into my car. My adrenaline got me twenty minutes down the highway, before I had to pull over. I felt like I couldn't breathe. It had become impossible to see through my tears, and my chest was so tight I struggled to take in oxygen. My mind was racing… how could she do that to me? My best friend? My whole world had disappeared in the blink of an eye and I had nothing.

I opened my phone, my hands trembling, and though I didn't know it at the time, I did the one thing that saved my life.

I pinged my location to my brother.