Why


Why? It was a question that plagued Neal, despite knowing the answer. Of course, Peter would protect the defenseless. But, why did he have to take the bullet for him? Why couldn't he let Neal die instead, the man no one needed? For the first little while, Neal was distracted through his worry as the question continued to reverberate through his thoughts. Why?


There wasn't anything in particular to do as they waited so, after a while, Jones opted to talk to Neal using the task of getting his statement as an excuse.

Following him down the hall to use a side room, Neal knew Jones might also be trying to avoid the painful sight of watching Elizabeth fight the tears as she worried about her husband. Diana was keeping her company, but it was still a difficult situation to see.

"Okay, walk me through it," Jones instructed as he used some paper to jot down the general information. "We can get this over with while it's fresh and pass the time to getting good news. So, when did the situation begin to deteriorate?"

It wasn't hard to talk through the initial part where he finished loading a truck and was given his new assignment. There wasn't an obvious contact that he'd seen so either it transpired while he was working or it was previously arranged somehow. The walk seemed odd as the guard hadn't been willing to talk like he had in times past, but it wasn't obvious until the guns came out. By then, although Peter had given the signal, it was too late for help to arrive in time.

"I know this is going to be hard, but tell me what happened as they gave the orders to kill you." Jones prompted him to continue.

Detailing the sight of the boss waving his hand carelessly and giving the order hurt, but it wasn't the worst part. That was the following part as he described knowing he was going to die and his acceptance of it before realizing that it was Peter taking the potentially fatal shot in his place. He tripped and stumbled over describing Peter's fall, the acceptance on his face, the moment when he stopped breathing, and ultimately the knowledge that he had briefly died right there in front of him.

With the information he needed, Jones switched tactics. "Why were you so accepting of your impending death? I've always known you to be a fighter."

Of course, Jones had caught on to the negative feelings and was poking further to see how deep they went and how much attention he would need. Did it rate professional attention, or was it something he could monitor with Diana's help? Trying to keep the damage as minimized as possible, Neal tried to downplay the situation. "I was bound hand and foot to a solid pipe in a basement far from help and safety. The odds weren't very good that I would survive after my verbal attempts at persuasion proved fruitless. Peter was there, but there was no guarantee he would be able to do anything considering he was outnumbered and outgunned."

"Did it cross your mind that he might not find you worth saving?" Jones's stare was penetrating as he asked that.

Flinching, Neal didn't appreciate Jones picking up on his emotional signals. He was a spy; he should be able to hide such things better. However, Neal also knew that this was personal as Peter was his brother and Jones was not only a really good agent, he was also a friend. "Peter finds anyone worth saving. He'd protect a murderer to throw him in prison and throw away the key." Which wasn't a lie, Peter believed in the sanctity of life and how it was his job to save those he could.

Jones didn't argue with him, but he also seemed to have taken note of his reaction for further review with Diana.

Leading him back to where the others were waiting, Jones took his seat and shared a glance with Diana promising to exchange information later. She returned his nod but retained her general focus on Elizabeth as she promised Elizabeth that the responsible man was dead while his boss was in custody facing full charges for what he'd done.

Passing the time, they managed to awkwardly wait until the doctor arrived to update Elizabeth on Peter's condition.

Remaining just behind, Neal stood with the agents listening to the information but honoring Elizabeth's position as the wife to be the focus of attention.

What surprised Neal, was when Elizabeth heard that Peter had fallen into a coma with a limited chance he'd survive the night, she turned and grabbed him before burying her face into his shirt and sobbing.

Wrapping his arms around her, Neal tried to provide what comfort he could, but he still didn't know why she would come to him. Technically he was the nearest family member she had to turn to, but he wasn't really family though, so why didn't she go to Diana? The agent was standing closer and had been the source of her comfort for the last few hours while they'd waited for news.

Guiding Elizabeth to a seat, Neal tried to make her comfortable and ensure she was well supplied with tissues and a trashcan for their disposal. However, when he tried to lean away from her to provide emotional distance, she caught his hand and pulled him closer again refusing to let him go.

Seeing a chance for a break, Diana went to fetch water and returned shortly to ensure Elizabeth remained hydrated.

Keeping each other company, the group waited some more until Peter was settled into the ICU with a room of his own and a team on duty to monitor him. Giving the odds that he wouldn't survive the night, they allowed the family and friends to take turns seeing him as they saw fit. There were rules though, they could only be in the room one at a time and they couldn't have any negative effect on Peter's condition.

Of course, they sent Elizabeth in to be with Peter so the others went down to the cafeteria giving her as much time as possible to sit by his side uninterrupted.

Unable to eat much, Neal, Jones, and Diana each picked at their food mostly breaking it up and pushing it around their plates, but they tried to force some down despite the emotions that fought every step of the way.

When they returned, Elizabeth was shaking as she tried to deal with how pale and still Peter was.

Taking her for a walk, Diana accompanied Elizabeth while Jones went in to see Peter for a few minutes.

Neal waited in his seat until Jones came back before leaving directly after with the excuse of retrieving coffee. The agent was also shaken by the sight so he retreated to handle the initial reaction alone.

Seeing that no one else was in the room or waiting nearby, Neal decided it was a good opportunity to say what might be his last goodbye in private.

Walking into the room, Neal observed how it was a small space focused on the bed with machines around it. They were linked to Peter through wires and tubes and either providing some function that continued to keep him alive or they were carrying fluids to or from his body. The blankets were those plain things that were never warm or heavy enough while his gown was just a standard hospital model. Peter himself though, his head had bandages around it showing that he had been hurt and minor surgery had been done to relieve the pressure on his brain. His face was half-covered by the machine that was breathing for him. As expected, he was pale and still, the essence that was Peter seemed to be lacking from this shell of the man he was.

If there was a guarantee that Peter would live, Neal might have teased him about sounding like Darth Vader with the synthesized breathing. But, there was no guarantee, and Neal couldn't even begin to find anything funny about the machine pumping air into his brother's lungs.

Taking the seat by Peter's side, Neal sat down while his eyes continued to roam Peter's face. He was too pale and too still to be sleeping so it was upsetting.

Turning his attention to Peter's nearest hand, Neal focused on that while he talked. "I can't get the question out of my head. Why did you take that bullet for me? As I told Jones, I know you would protect a helpless victim, even a murderer to throw him into prison, but why me? You know our parents sealed the adoption files so that we could never find who they are. They don't want anything to do with either of us. But, what you don't know is that my adopted father left when I was three. His greed got the better of him and he followed the path it led him down until he ruined himself and destroyed everything any of us had. Although my adopted mother didn't physically leave, she sunk into depression and forgot that I even existed most of the time. Somehow, I think her lies that I had 'my father's blue eyes' made her remember what he'd done so she chose not to be reminded. Later, I made a friend. He's a lot like you really. Chuckles, he went on to become one of the most heroic agents of our generation, a real legend. However, to keep him alive to someday become that, I had to do something, something I don't think he'll ever fully forgive me for. For years, I ranked as his most hated person ever in his mind. It's not surprising that his father taught me a lot in return for protecting his son, but the last time I saw him, even the old agent ultimately told me to never contact him or any of his family ever again. In working with the old agent though, I was technically killed more than once, and I'm still a walking dead man if anyone should connect the two identities to being the same person, so I know how easily the people in my life move on when I leave. Based on that, it wasn't surprising that you asked for the tests to be redone. No one has ever stuck around or wanted me about for long, I'm not needed by anyone."

Sighing with a quivering voice, he tried to stop babbling things that could get them both killed if Peter lived for it to matter. "You said I made it sound like you have a charmed life, but by comparison, you do. The parents who adopted you have loved and supported you through everything and you were lucky enough to meet Elizabeth. She's an amazing woman who adores you and although I can see why I don't know how you managed to attract her in the early days before your good qualities could show through your bungled attempts at flirting. Maybe she found your inability to flirt and charm as attractive, an appealing show of your honest interest in her? Anyway, the team all look up to you and young agents are eager for the chance to learn under you while Hughes isn't afraid to use you as an example of what an agent should be. Peter, you have a lot of people who need you, depend on you, people you have to live for. So, why couldn't you think of them?"

Wiping his eyes and sniffling, Neal was losing the battle with his emotions. Leaning forward onto the bed, he crossed his arms and laid his head to rest on them while he tried to battle through the pain. It was too strong for his usual means of suppression to work so he ended up crying instead.

After a while, he managed to regain control enough to pull it together. Using the box of tissues by the bedside, he added to the trash can after cleaning himself up in a vain attempt to hide how much this was affecting him.

Reaching out to squeeze Peter's hand, Neal felt the need to show something of how much he still admired Peter from a distance. "You're one of the best agents I've ever known Peter, and I hope that someday you can find a brother to be proud of. But, first, you need to live for them. Live for those who love you and need you." With a final squeeze of his brother's hand, he turned and left the room.

Encountering Elizabeth just outside of the door in the hallway, Neal tried not to look her in the eyes as if that would prevent him from seeing her concern for her husband or for her to see his pain when she already had enough of her own to deal with. "Nothing has changed," Neal tried to reassure her before she could get the wrong impression.

Grabbing him and putting her arms around him, Elizabeth leaned into him and he could feel her tears dampening his shirt.

"Peter's got to be alright, Elizabeth, he's strong." Then in a mutter he knew she could probably hear, he tried to add a piece of hope. "I've survived similar injuries; it's possible he can fully recover given time and good care." Raising his voice again, he encouraged her to leave him and be with her husband. "But, he's going to need you to get through this."

Holding him tighter for a few moments, Elizabeth did eventually release him.

Going back to the seats, Neal used his phone to research the local medical staff. They had doctors that were competent enough to do the basic job, but they didn't have a stellar staff in the specialties that Peter would need. Based on their records, they were more ladder climbers who would go by the book without thinking outside the box. This would need some interference as his brother's life hung in the balance.


Returning from her walk with Diana, Elizabeth went back to Peter's room eager to see her husband and ensure that he was still alive. Although she needed the break, she felt guilty and selfish for being gone in what could be his final minutes. The thought that he could die while she roamed the blasé halls had plagued her until she couldn't remain away from him any longer.

When she walked up to his door, she heard Neal talking to him. She might have missed something, but he was up to asking Peter why he'd taken the bullet for him. Having talked with Diana and Jones, she knew a little of what had transpired, but she hadn't realized that Neal was taking it so negatively.

Eavesdropping, she heard him share some of his history and the past rejections he'd endured. Based on his wavering voice, he'd been hurt so badly so many times, but Peter's rejection seemed to be his breaking point.

Neal was right that Peter's life had been rather comfortable, and she felt a small smile creep onto her face as she listened to his analysis of her. He was accurate though, she'd been attracted to Peter's inability to flirt and charm her. She knew that he wasn't just a slick person who talked up anyone he met, he was sincere and genuine, and his bumbling was absolutely adorable! Dabbling at her eyes, her happy memories weren't enough to keep the sorrow at bay for long, especially not as Neal continued with his question of why hadn't Peter thought of them.

She knew the answer to that. Her Peter would have thought of her, he would have known that he might not see her again, he would have thought of those people Neal mentioned, but he also would have been in the moment. He would have watched his brother's face fall with acceptance and he would have been determined to protect him, he would have seen his friend and someone he would die for in danger, he would have seen a victim bound hand and foot to a pipe unable to protect themselves. It didn't matter which reason, Peter would have protected Neal because he was Neal.

Looking up, she met Neal as he was exiting the room after having cried by her husband's side. She knew he'd asked Peter to live, but she also knew he hadn't included himself as a reason.

Neal got the wrong impression so she wrapped him in a hug and cried for this brother-in-law of hers. A man who had just alluded to being more than he'd shown them in a different way than they'd expected, a man who was hurting and unwilling to show it.

After Neal left, she went to Peter's side. "You're right, Neal is broken, and I don't think I can help him alone. He won't admit it, but he needs you, we all do." Then tears took over and she sobbed into his side.


Thank you, everyone, for reading, leaving kudos, reviewing/commenting, and choosing to favorite my stories and me :D

Alright, this has been a long and complicated week! First, we got back from checking out a place to find Dakota sick with multiple infections so we've fought to get her through as her life depended on the outcome. Fortunately, she's responding to meds well and will hopefully be ready to move when her turn comes. Second, we got a rental in one of our top choice locations so we are officially moving. It isn't the ideal we hoped for, but it's ultimately intended to be a transition to get us out of our stagnation and hopefully onto to new and better. Third, for me, this has also brought my employment to an end so I'm posting "A Call to Remember" which will be followed by "The Dinosaur Game" to celebrate 13 years on the job and the coworkers I'm leaving behind. I don't know what the future holds, but we're going forward to meet it.