To all my seriously god reviewers . . . everyone please give each and every one of them an applause of thanks for making this update happen.
Padme stared after the hastily retreating figure, wordless. Inadvertently her hand reached up to grip at her tingling shoulder, as if desiring to simultaneously still the unwelcome tremors rising to the surface of her skin and recreate the feeling of his warm fingers on her skin, even leather clad as they were.
The action had been brief, fleeting enough that it might barely have been recognized- except that she knew that touch.
Too well.
As much as she might try, she could not be immune to it; it was too familiar, the touch of her kind, beautiful lover, and she . . . she could not help but yearn for it, even now. It had always unraveled her, even since she had laid eyes on sweet, good Anakin Skywalker- and not just in its love, but in its vulnerability.
Was this a malicious game he was playing with her, trying to toy with her emotions? Vader was not vulnerable, yet . . . he had been hurt, and then uncertain, the anger evaporating from his characteristic Sith nature and leaving him strangely bare before her. Yet it did not make her rejoice as it might have - on the contrary, it frightened her - because she recognized Anakin, in every familiar and endearing action, in every expression, in every tremor of his Sith-forsaken voice . . . and his weakness made her dangerously weak for him.
Padme understood his hatred for it now.
She could hold her own against Vader, any monster . . . but not against her Ani.
Slamming a hand against her temple, Padme took a deep breath, her inhale echoing over the black stone of the walls and making her feel small in the cavernous chamber.
Even if she could not fight, she would hold her stance- hold it, or soon there would be no gathering the willpower to leave. Her weakness would not cower her. She would leave without looking back.
Just as he had.
Padme clenched her jaw, dropping her arm quickly from her shoulder and swiftly entering the fresher as if determined not to be caught frozen with her mind weak and twisted.
She was going to contact Obi-Wan now, and she was going to free them from this hell. They would have to leave as soon as was possible; she could not afford to stay with him any longer or she would surely crack.
Yanking the handle, Padme stepped under the running water, the cascading droplets forming rivulets down her slight frame caressing her uncomfortably warm skin in patterns of cooling relief. Under the disarming stream her body tangibly relaxed, the burden of self-hatred releasing its claws from her back, melting off her and swirling down the drain with the dirt.
She was Padme Amidala Skywalker, yes, but she was also Padme Amidala, the fearsome queen and senator that always placed logic over emotions, duty over feeling. What had happened on Mustafar would never happen again- not to her nor her children. She would make sure of it. As much as he might be different, there was no promise of him being changed. There was no wisdom in risking and sacrificing for a notion hardly possible. Only heartache and death would follow. No, she had experienced too much suffering to be foolish and naive any longer.
Soaping her hair with a generous amount of product, Padme massaged it into her scalp, biting her lip grimly. They would leave quickly, before Vader even came back, and she- well, she would move on.
That was final.
Satisfied that she was clean enough, Padme banged the door open, glaring sourly at her soiled clothes before reluctantly snatching at Vader's and tugging them quickly on. Ignoring the horribly delicious scent that washed over her senses, she gritted her teeth purposely, marching to wrench open cabinets, drawers, anything she could grab onto.
No comlink.
What a surprise. Unfortunately, Vader was far too intelligent - controlling - to leave them lying around for her.
She grumbled under her breath, her sharp eyes surveying the room for a door she hoped would lead to some sort of office or communication center-
"Milady?"
Padme froze, internally cursing her own carelessness as she turned to face the man behind her.
"Admiral Piett," she greeted, her smile perfectly pleasant but her tone failing to hide an ill-natured strain from the self-annoyance brimming inside.
"I'm sorry, I did not mean to cause irrit-" Piett started at her attire, his gaze flickering down to her oversized, undeniably masculine clothes, up to her sopping curls, and back again several times before focusing. As if slowly drawing a conclusion, his features pulled into a slight frown, his voice becoming edged with an unusual stiffness. "Well, I apologize for bothering you, milady." He paused again, his eyes darting this time about her as if somehow expecting to find Vader not on a ship elsewhere but lurking in the shadows nearby. "I see you have been quite . . . busy."
"I was merely taking a shower after waking," Padme replied brusquely, her light frown conveying her clear irritation at his unspoken assumption of what had just occurred between her and his master.
Piett coughed awkwardly, his countenance easing into a more relaxed state of embarrassment. "Ah. Yes, of course. Were you looking for something you needed?"
"A- something I could use for a hairbrush."
There was a regretful clearing of throat- it seemed at least her politician skills were still quite intact. "I am afraid I am unsure of our stock of combs- perhaps the Commander might have one in the fresher-" His eyes squinted almost comically, as if trying to imagine the Sith Lord owning such a thing. "My apologies; is there anything else I can provide for you and the children?"
"No," Padme said automatically, itching to get back to her exploring.
Her stomach rumbled faintly in disobedience, Piett's eyebrow quirking as he smiled gently. "Are you sure, milady?"
If only he weren't an Imperial- they could be friends . . . she had so few of them these days . . .
"Well," she amended. "Perhaps I could use a meal. But I can wait a little until the twins wake-"
"It's a little before six in the morning, milady."
Padme almost laughed. He had her.
"All right." She followed him to the kitchen, standing awkwardly behind him as he opened cabinets. "Do you . . . want some help?"
The corners of his mouth turned up good-naturedly. "Sit, Milady, or I won't have a job any longer."
Padme's eyebrows rose in half amusement. "Don't you technically have to "protect" me, too?"
"Well," he rose one shoulder humorously, "Yes, but I think the combination of Rex and Kix stationed outside, the hundreds of men in the landing bay, and the usual presence of my Commander makes me look just a little insignificant; don't you think?"
Padme could barely tuck the information he had given into the folds of her mind before she was laughing; laughing, for real, a full and glorious sound, hands pressed over her mouth and stomach to in a half-hearted attempt to maintain her composure. She knew she must seem insane - she was with a captor in a prison, not a friend at a social gathering - yet she found she did not feel like stopping; it was strangely exhilarating, this simple act, this ability to do something she had always taken for granted. Piett glanced at her out of the corner of his gaze, as if knowing he was witnessing a moment he was not supposed to see- yet he was unable to keep his mouth from twitching, eyes crinkling together in silent mirth.
It was odd to be sharing in this merriment with an Imperial . . . but Padme couldn't deny it did feel nice-
"Why he-wo, mister," came an scathing voice, Leia appearing out of nowhere with her hands placed saucily on her hips. "And what are you doing here?"
Piett blanched, startled. "I- Well-" He cleared his throat. "What do you mean?"
"Well, 'wast time I checked, Momma was 'wif Dada, not you," she stated rudely, dragging a chair back with a loud scrape. "So whatchu doing here?"
Padme gave Piett an apologetic look as his cheeks reddened, the young man unsure of how to respond to the abrasive little girl. "Leia, honey, we were only talking about something."
"Mhmm," Leia said snootily, folding her arms pompously. "Where's Dada?"
"He's going to get something for us," Padme said placatingly, putting a hand gently on the girl's shoulder. "And Mr. Piett is in the middle of making us some breakfast."
"We can eat the f'wuit Dada has," Leia interrupted, shooting Piett a withering look at she finished pushing the chair between him and Padme, exhaling with a flounce onto it. "We don't need you here anymore, mister."
Piett gave an uncomfortable half bow. "Very well, Miss Leia. I will see you all later; please help yourself to whatever you need." Shooting Padme a slightly sheepish look, he drew himself up professionally, exiting the room quickly.
Padme turned to Leia, her eyes hiding amusement at the toddler's effrontery. "What was that all about, honey?"
There was an offhanded shrug. "I 'wike Dada better."
"You do?"
"Well, yea." Leia nodded to herself in confirmation. "He's not so bad."
Padme studied the little girl for a moment; brown eyes looked up to meet hers, genuine and serious.
"Do- you not 'wike Dada?" the toddler asked slowly, her steady gaze woeful. "Do- Do you 'wike the other man better?"
She took Leia into her arms, wrapping the girl up tightly. "I-I will always love Dada, Leia," she said quietly, a hushed confession as much to her child as to herself. "I will always love him."
Leia snuggled into her embrace. "Good."
I hope you guys enjoyed!
I don't want to end up disappointing you, but the next chapters are going to be . . . amazing. Probably better than anything I've even written yet. Like seriously, I dictated to my sister the scenes I had planned out, and she was speechless for a moment . . . before commanding me to hurry up and get writing. Also, they pretty much get progressively better (or at least my key scenes do) . . . so . . . please stay tuned, and I hope you guys are excited! Review, please!
IMPORTANT NEWS (PLEASE ACTUALLY READ, IT DOES CONCERN THE IMMEDIATE FATE OF THIS BOOK):
Recently, something big has happened . . . I was actually contacted by a small publishing company, who liked my work and offered me a contract to publish an original version of this book! Of course, I was literally ecstatic when I got their email, as it's always been a dream of mine to become a writer and have my hobby be taken seriously. All my life, I've had to write my fanfiction in secret because of how parents, mentors, etc. looked down upon my writing as a useless pastime. Now, if I sign with this publishing company, I will be able to make writing this story a full time occupation, instead of constantly having to hide it and push it to the side behind "more important" things.
This opportunity could be really good and really bad for you guys, depending on what happens:
First, good in that updates will be significantly more regular, as I will be under a deadline from the publisher, and will need to finish the fanfiction in a timely manner so I can move on to editing to be an original! Second, bad, in that . . . as many of you can guess, publishers need the writer to take down the fanfiction so its presence does not stagnate sales of the actual book.
Now, before you guys freak out: I promise I've been thinking about you. The last thing I want to do is have to take down the fanfiction so you guys are unable to read it and get the ending- my AMAZING reviewers deserve much more than that. Consequently, I have done some negotiating, and tried my best . . .
So the publishers have agreed (after much debate, haha) that because the fanfiction is not quite what the original book will be - difference in names, setting, and a few plot points - they will be willing to consider overlooking the rights. I let them know that this book would not exist without you guys, so they have reluctantly agreed to try keeping it up, under the condition that it is proven it will not impede novel sales, and we will still be able to reach a certain quota without losing investment money.
So the big question: would my original version of this book be of any interest? Would people be willing to spend $2-5 on the kindle/paperback edition, or if they don't have money, hit the free Amazon prime button (if you guys have this, please let me know so I can procure this as an option!) or put it in the request form at a library? I feel so, so bad asking you guys for this . . . but I just need to assure the publishers that I'll be able to make 200 sales with the fanfiction still up and being written, and they'll let me retain all rights to keeping it here. I'm really, really sorry about this, I feel horrible for having to say this . . . but unfortunately, I'm not quite cool enough to have multiple publishers hankering after me (haha) and as a poor young adult, to be in a position to refuse this offer (I've probably overstepped my bounds as it is).
If no one responds to this message, I'm afraid this book will be completed but never able to be published for you guys :( so please do reach out, even if it is just to do the no money option and request it at a library. I really don't want to have to take it down for all the kind people out their who have been reviewing. Every person counts. All I need is confirmation to go ahead with writing this fanfiction before the contract is signed.
Thank you so much everyone; I seriously love my wonderful reviewers!
Also, the next chapter is already written . . . ;) so if I get the go-ahead to keep publishing this book (or if I hit 150 reviews before the contract needs to be signed) I'll put it up immediately!
