Learning
Going to pick Neal up in the morning, Peter was surprised to notice Neal watching him closely as he entered the loft. Had their parents told Neal something about him or was Neal just looking for similarities to see what traits Peter reflected from which parent? "Have Diane and Roan had a chance to talk with you yet?"
"They were here last night after their dinner with you and Elizabeth." Neal gave the basic answer while pouring himself some more coffee and setting up a cup for Peter.
Mentally sighing, Peter knew Neal wasn't going to make it easy for him so he took his seat and went to work pulling the details out of his brother. "Did you have a nice chat?"
"It was certainly enlightening." Then Neal had a mysterious smirk followed by a smile.
Intrigued, Peter could tell something special had happened, but he had no idea what. "It must have been something, that's the first time I've seen you smile a real smile since I don't know when. Sometime beforeā¦." Peter sat watching Neal as he almost seemed to be feeling better than he had in some time, particularly, since they'd learned about their bond. Leaning back, Peter wished once again that he hadn't hurt his brother and that he could be something of the reason his brother was smiling. His eyes fell to the table as the old pain reared up yet again. If his brother felt a mirror of the misery he felt for having hurt him, then he was all the more sorry for his actions.
"Hey, are you okay?" Neal's question caught his attention so Peter looked up at his brother. Apparently, Neal had picked up on something of his emotions as the man was looking at him with a mixture of curiosity and concern.
"Depends on what you're referring to. Am I physically okay? Yes, there's nothing wrong from an old injury acting up to catching a bug. However, is everything alright? No, and I wish I knew what to do about the biggest issue I've ever faced, but as I caused it, I don't know if there is anything I can do." Peter forced himself to look Neal in the eyes. "I made a mistake and spoke without thinking, not even realizing that I was speaking at all. If you know of a way to overwrite those words, I'd love to hear it."
Holding his glance, Neal seemed to have made a little progress as he seemed to be listening for the first time since the incident. "I don't know. Some words are easily written over, and some are seemingly impossible. It depends on what you wrote them in and what you chose to write over them with."
Okay, if Neal wanted to treat this literally then he could play the same game. "Well, hypothetically, what if I wrote it in permanent marker. Something dark and lasting, but it's not what I want to say. I've actually thought about the situation since then and I have a totally different conclusion, how could I overwrite permanent marker?"
Leaning back, Neal continued their conversation. "Permanent marker isn't easy to remove or write over, but there are methods to remove it from certain materials. Most of them are pretty harsh using stronger chemicals like bleach and alcohol-based acetones, but some products need softer care such as milk. The next challenge is that milk isn't strong enough alone, it has to be mixed with vinegar, borax, and lemon juice in the right amounts. Even then, the stain might not be completely lifted, but it might be cleaned enough to fade into the past. On paper, you might be able to cover the marker with enough white-out. The old words are hidden by new words, but there is still a mark scarring the paper as white-out doesn't remove the word, it just covers them up."
"So, it is potentially possible to repair the damage, even on something more delicate?" Peter sat up straighter and looked at Neal with big eyes. This was the first time Neal had given him any indication that he heard, understood his regret, and was possibly willing to forgive him in the long run.
"The stain may be pretty well set so it isn't going to be easy to erase, maybe impossible to completely remove, but the right mixture could lighten it and give the material a clean appearance until the mark is lost in time." Neal didn't seem certain it was possible to remove the stain, but he gave him hope that it could be repaired enough to erase the initial appearance of it.
Determined, Peter was going to keep working at it. Regaining something of his brother's trust and friendship was worth whatever battles it took to overcome his defenses. "Then I guess I'd better keep working at it. I want to repair that stain entirely if I can."
Lifting his coffee cup, Neal wished him luck. "I really do hope you succeed."
Distracted from his original intent, Peter realized later that he never did tell Neal what he'd intended to.
In an effort to get to know his parents, Peter invited them over the next evening for dinner at his home. It was more private and he'd hoped Neal would be willing to come along, but as he rejected the invitation, Peter was forced to continue the separate visits.
When the time came for them to arrive, Peter welcomed his parents into his home and was pleased to see them make themselves at home by insisting on following him to the kitchen where Elizabeth was putting the final touches on the meal and he'd been setting the table in between assisting her.
"I'm not one for the kitchen, Roan is better at cooking than I am. If you'll show me what you want, I'll help you set the table." Diane volunteered to assist while Roan began complimenting Elizabeth on the meal and discussing the details of her cooking.
Unsure for a moment, Peter decided to have his mother help with the table as it would open the door to their visits being more casual and comfortable rather than stiff and formal. Passing her some silverware, he followed behind her putting his pieces in their places.
Making quick work of the remaining steps, they were soon sitting down to eat and dishing out the meal.
Opening conversation, Peter asked how his parents had met. It was a basic information piece, but it would also reveal something of their past and relationship.
Smiling at Diane, Roan began telling the story while the rest ate their meals. "I was working in Washington when a spunky red head and I ran into each other in a government building. She ended up wearing the coffee she was carrying and I encountered a woman who wasn't going to be charmed. It didn't matter how kindly I offered to assist her, she wasn't having any of it and determinedly went on her way. Perhaps our encounter would have passed and been forgotten, but we nearly had a similar run in a week later. This time I was able to predict the possible encounter and evade it while still meeting her. Another attempt at flirting failed and she was on her way again. I had been challenged so I rose to the occasion and was determined in my own way to reverse her original opinion. Eventually, I succeeded."
Reminiscing, Diane paused in her eating to add to the story while Roan slowly ate. "I was new to my work and trying to make my mark on the industry, not something that is easy to do. Then nearing a corner, I encountered Roan here coming from the other direction as he'd rounded the corner too tightly as he tried to calmly hurry somewhere. We collided and my coffee went all down my dress. It was new and I had a meeting to attend so I didn't appreciate his efforts at all. Refusing his assistance, I hurried on my way in an effort to handle the mess and still meet my appointment. Although it was close, I succeeded, but I didn't want to entangle myself. The next week we nearly had a similar collision but he was more careful in his approach so that our paths didn't cross directly. After refusing his advances again, I suddenly found myself encountering him everywhere in the city. He'd have flowers and a smart suit or some other romantic approach until I couldn't resist him anymore."
Elizabeth had romantic stars in her eyes and asked why Diane and Roan hadn't married. "You two are obviously close and have a long-standing relationship, what kept you from becoming official?"
"Our work, we were both moving around a lot and keeping busy so that we didn't have time to see each other much more than the occasional rendezvous. We did talk about the possibility when I learned that I was pregnant with you, but we couldn't really see ourselves as being grounded with a home so we opted not to. Neither of us has ever really been the settle down type so we placed you for adoption after you were born so that you could have parents who would be able to give you what you needed. Based on you now, the Burkes did a very good job of raising you and provided everything we couldn't." Diane answered with an approving smile at him.
"Why did you seal the files? Did you not want us to know who you are, and if not, then why connect to us now?" Peter wondered. He hated the feeling he had just after asking, like he'd ruined a perfectly good family moment, but they were questions he needed answered.
Lowering their forks, both of his parents seemed uncertain how to answer that.
"That's a challenging question to answer, I mean, there are things that you don't know about us yet." Roan hedged.
"But Neal does? He seems almost content knowing you are our parents. I know you have a history with him which helps to close that gap more easily, but are you going to share anything of it with me?" Peter asked while Elizabeth reached over and rubbed his arm before taking his hand to provide comfort.
Getting a resolute expression, Diane looked him in the eyes. "Your father and I work for the government. We weren't just visitors passing through that building when we met, we were employees going about our days. There are things in our past that could bring danger to you boys if anyone made that connection and as children, you were too vulnerable to risk. However, now that you are adults, you're both capable to handle things to a point, but we still can't be completely open and tell you everything. With his history, Neal has been connected to our government work so he knows some elements of what I mean first hand."
Relived, Peter was glad to know their connection came from Neal's involvement with the government rather than his criminal activities. "So that's also why you're only here for a brief visit to meet and greet. You don't want to draw too much attention to our existence. Why did you decide to come looking for us now, I've been an agent for years and Neal sounds like his connections to the government have been around for a while? The associate at the adoption agency said your files had been submitted to their system rather recently but yet you had the reservation for the restaurant set for the night after I was given the records. How could you be so confident?"
Just after asking, Peter felt his eyes get big. His parents worked for the government. "Did you know we were your sons all along?"
Smirking, Diane looked at him proudly while Roan raised his glass to him. His parents had been monitoring him his whole life?
"We had to keep a distance, but yes, we've known about you and where you were your whole life. The DNA match was to give you proof while creating an opening. Neal is aware of this as well." Diane informed him calmly.
Leaning back, Peter wasn't sure if he was more shocked that they'd spied on him his whole life or pleased that they'd cared enough to protect him despite their inability to completely let go. At least he now understood Neal's reaction; his brother hadn't been abandoned by their parents which opened the door for him to maybe accept his brother's apologies.
It took a few minutes, but Peter frowned when the thought crossed his mind. "My home isn't bugged, is it? You said you've kept an eye on me my whole life and Neal was watching me funny when we talked."
Elizabeth looked around their home with a slightly uncomfortable expression probably wondering what his parents might have witnessed.
"Your television, it has a direct link just like Neal's does." Diane apparently chose to be honest revealing that there was a link, but his privacy wasn't entirely invaded.
Frowning deeper, Peter wasn't thrilled to learn how his parents had kept an eye on him. "Do you record everything all the time or just randomly check in on us?"
"Neal's is recorded at all times. Due to his past, he is monitored constantly with multiple agencies viewing the recordings and he is aware of that. However, yours is only linked to a private system I created to keep tabs on you for your father's and my personal information. It isn't steadily reviewed, but it does constantly record to be safe." Diane wasn't remiss in her actions and blunt in stating what she'd done.
"Have you shown Neal any of the recordings of me and Elizabeth?" Peter was still rather uncertain what he thought about being spied on by his parents, he was certain they wouldn't stop, but was hopeful that maybe there would be a perk to the intrusion.
"Yes, we linked into your television last night when we were visiting him. He saw you genuinely open up and express what you think of him in a way you've struggled to do with him in person as you're reluctant to be quite that open with him." Diane paused for a moment. "That was when he started towards relaxing, but it took a while for it to catch up with him. At first, he wasn't certain, but the more he watched you sit in that chair showing your emotions, the more he calmed down. You've been trying to show him how you feel without fully showing those emotions. Be genuine with him, that is what he always appreciated about Chuck and it's your honesty that originally appealed."
Feeling a little uncomfortable at first, Peter didn't like to let others in that close. He only cried alone or with Elizabeth. But, Neal had seen and was comforted? Based on what Diane was saying, Peter suspected that Neal had heard what he said, but hadn't trusted him enough to let him close. However, having seen that he was also hurting for his actions, Neal had been more willing to reach out in return to help him.
"You said that Neal's loft is always recorded?" A plan was coming to mind. If Neal needed to know how genuinely he regretted what he'd done, then he should have seen him just after their argument. "Can you show him the loft just after I confronted him for having forged the results for the second test?" That was about as genuinely raw as it could get.
"I can." Smiling softly, Diane seemed glad to see him working to reconcile with his brother. "We've been catching up with his information ever since that call while you were in the coma. His past hasn't been so straight forward, so we'd lost track of him a long time ago. By linking up to the recordings and back viewing them, I know what you want him to see, and that is exactly what he needs."
"When it comes down to it, your brother is a lot easier to understand than you think. He may be more flexible in his estimation of what it means to do what's right, but he's willing to die to do the right thing as he's very protective whether it's of people themselves or something that could make a difference for good. Although he doesn't express all of his interests and passions, your brother is creative and playful and open with those he trusts. He may be struggling right now, but he trusts your honesty just as he does Chuck's genuineness." Roan contributed to the conversation with his own advice and encouragement.
Continuing to discuss Neal and how to work on rectifying his relationship with him, Peter digressed from the goal to get to know his parents to learn more about his brother.
Picking Neal up for work the next morning, Peter was glad to have resumed that portion of their former routine. Having their parents visit meant private conversations either over coffee or on the drive into the office.
Seeing Neal turn to look at him off and on through the drive, Peter threw his brother a sad smile knowing he was seeking confirmation of whatever recordings their parents had shown him the night before. "Who knew it'd come in handy having government parents who spy on us? I'm assuming they showed you some more recordings?"
"You know?" Neal seemed surprised as he clearly knew what Peter was referencing.
"Not everything, but it did come up that they're government and my television is bugged so they'd shown you Elizabeth and me after our dinner with them." Focusing on traffic as they moved from one light to the next, Peter watched the road as he continued to talk. It made it easier to not watch Neal's reaction. "You know I'm horrible with emotions. A crying woman or child and I have no idea what to do. It's the same with my own emotions; I'm not comfortable with showing the full depth of how I feel. That's why I've always threatened to throw you back in jail when you seem like you're going to do something stupid or complain about the amount of paperwork there would be if you got hurt. I don't want you to go to jail so it's a threat, and I don't want to see you hurt so I want you to think two or three times before acting. However, learning that they recorded some of the moments in regards to what transpired, it's the easiest way to show you how much I've regretted my actions since learning what I'd done since there's no other way to take you back in time to when you weren't there to see."
Neal seemed to sit back quietly and absorb what he'd said until they reached the office.
Parking the car, Peter reached out to Neal as they walked towards the elevator for the garage they were in. Patting him on the shoulder, he showed one of few physical touches since everything had transpired, but as Neal was slowly learning the whole picture and allowing him to, he risked the physical reinforcement of the comfort he wanted to provide.
Neal turned to throw him a small smile. He didn't trust him yet, but he was regaining ground after so long trying.
Peter counted it as a win.
Making use of his parents' visit, Peter continued to spend his evenings getting to know them.
Slowly, he learned that his father was a classic gentleman with some comparisons to James Bond, at least in his smooth moves and drinking habits. Roan was clearly where Neal got his tastes in dress, artistic eye, and people skills. The man was generally easy-going and content to allow Diane to lead the conversations and make the decisions.
However, his mother preferred strategy and was adept with computers and machinery. She liked her numbers and order. Based on her behavior, she had a position of rank in the government and she was used to taking command but she was content to allow Roan to interact with people if a smoother touch was needed. Diane, she was where Peter got his love of numbers and his instinctual ability to figure out cases.
It continued to intrigue him as he learned about these strangers while trying to see which parts of them were reflected in him and his brother. Then he also enjoyed watching the changes in his brother as their parents visited him in the evening after their conversations with Peter and Elizabeth. Whatever recordings they were showing, they were slowly reducing Neal's walls which made it easier for Peter to talk to him when they were together at work in the day.
All in all, it was slow going but worthwhile progress and Peter was content to pursue it as long as he could until he'd repaired the damaged relationship with his brother and had created a new foundation with their biological parents.
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