Chapter 2 : Teenage Dream
1893
*Journal*
May 17th 1893
Copper passed in the night. We all knew it was coming, between the snake bite and the harsh winter he was never really the same dog. As sad as I think we all are about losing Copper, it hurts to see Arthur so upset. He also hasn't really been the same since Eliza was murdered a few years back. Not that I really blame him for being like this, I can only imagine what it must be like. I watched Uncle Dutch after Aunt Annabel died, and everyone says father was never the same after my mother's passing either, so I guess it makes sense that Arthur isn't the same as he used to be.
Arthur asked to be left alone to bury Copper, and we all agreed, he hasn't been back to camp for a few hours, but Uncle Dutch has basically ordered us all to give him his space today. Even he is sad at the dog's passing, but once you have lost about six pars of boots to an animal and you still share food with it, there must be some kind of affection there.
Not everyone around camp is as sad as we are, a few months ago Dutch brought in this fairly tall and loud man named Bill Williamson who he found while he was scouting a lead at the undertakers. A corrupt man who liked to overcharge for his services and pocket most of the money grieving families give him. Uncle Dutch does like his strays, but it's a good thing since that is how our group even came to be. The papers are calling us the Van Der Linde Gang since Dutch has a tendency to stick out and dad is more about low key cons and being subtle. The last Hosea Matthews Wanted Poster I saw didn't even look like him, but I still have it pinned to the side of my tent. Dad just seems grateful that now his strays are adults because I don't think they could handle any more teenagers.
Another weird change to the group dynamic is Arthur has taken on this weird role as Uncle Dutch's strong arm, almost like an enforcer. Arthur is an amazing shot and I wish that I was as good as him, but all the years of him being my teacher I'm not too shabby. Right now I just try and out shoot John, I haven't beaten him yet, but I think one day I will be able to. I do not know how happy dad is about Arthur's new role, Arthur always likes to act dumb but we all know better, Dad especially tries to impress on Arthur that he is not as stupid as he likes to act. My brother is not all brawn with no brain.
I think in a few days I'll ask Arthur to go on a ride, he has a new horse Boadecia and she is such a sweet but very skittish horse. Arthur saved her from a drunk that decided that she needed to be beat after she refused to allow them to go close to a bear cave that was not far from the road. Arthur left the man tied to a tree and came back to camp with a new horse, and a week later he sold his Saddler and bought a new saddle. Bo and Goliath get alone fairly well, most of the horses are very sweet, but I think I will always give The Count a wide berth since he's such a diva with a short temper.
At this moment we are still in the boothill of Missouri, I don't have too many complaints except the weather is never the same longer than five minutes it seems, I miss being south where it is always warm, even in the winter it's not too bad, but we also survived a Michigan winter a few years back, it takes a lot to top that. But we seem to be trying to stick to warmer weather; it's easier on the whole group, but it's very good for dad. He's getting a bit up there in years and I often wonder just how many winters he can stand.
But our time here has been fairly beneficial, no banks in this area yet, but there is this large stage company that has been prickling Uncle Dutch's philosophy and today we are going to hit a fairly large 6 couch train that is carrying all sorts of things. I actually get to go on this job and I cannot wait. We've been rehearsing for the past few weeks about this. Father going over all the meet up points for various scenarios, quizzing me on how I would find the group again if we are separated, all the list goes on. I'm to excited to get to even go on a job with them that I would ride with a dead bird on my head if they asked me to.
*End journal*
"Hazel!" a loud, low pitched voice calls from the ground below from where the teenager sits perched in a tree, the person obviously just knowing her general location and just yelling so he wouldn't have to search.
"What?" Hazel answers back, closing the journal and shoving it in the worn leather satchel, it used to be Arthur's and there has been some minor repair work on it. Hazel jumped from her spot in the tree right as Bill walked past it, hitting the ground and causing the older man to jump.
"Damn it, I'm going to tie a damn bell around your neck!" He says as he spins around and glares at the laughing girl.
"Do you need something or just passing by?" She says crossing her arms.
"Hosea says it's time to go." Bill says pointing back towards the camp.
Hazel's face breaks into a large grin and she quickly ran around Bill towards camp. She skidded to a stop when she broke into the edge of camp and her eyes locked on where her father and Uncle looked to be having a fairly heated discussion. It was nothing new, the two of them getting a bit heated with each other before a job, this one was a fairly bigger stage job than they normally took on, which is why she was allowed to go this time. She just hoped that Uncle Dutch wouldn't back down on his choice to let her go, even though Hosea was not as happy about it as she was.
The plan was fairly straight forward, Hosea and Uncle Dutch at the very front, Hazel and John in the middle, and Arthur and Bill at the end. Hazel was under strict orders to not say a word and to not actually shoot her gun. She had been drilled all week about the job, what she was going to do, where they were going to meet up if they were separated, what she was to do and not do if she was caught, and so on. Hosea believed in her being prepared even though Dutch thought it was all just a bit much for a stage job. But if it meant she was finally going to get to go on a real job Hazel would wear a dead chicken on her head.
Hazel stood and adjusted the length of her suspenders while she tried to figure out what they were saying, the girl jumping a bit when a large hand landed on her shoulder. "Are you excited?" Arthur said looking at her.
"Yes! I'm finally going on a real job and actually earning my keep today."
"You always earn your keep, all the work you do around camp, keeping us fed and not looking like the homeless group of degenerates that we are."
"I know, but I don't want anyone thinking I'm just here because Hosea is my dad. I want to prove that I belong here."
"Bill been running his mouth again?" Arthur asks with a smile. Since Hazel was old enough to actually understand how the camp run she had gotten it in her head that everyone just assumed that she was the camp princess who did no real work. All the times she had to stay behind while Arthur or John went out and did things. Normal bitterness at being the youngest, the last do to anything. Hazel's biggest contribution to camp was her hunting, but she wanted to do more.
"That's not the point, just let me enjoy this Arthur."
"Well, if you're gonna be a stage robber you gotta look the part." Arthur pulled a small brown package from his satchel. "I know we never give gifts this early, but you could use it more now than later."
Hazel takes the package from Arthur and pulls the paper back to reveal a blue and purple striped bandana. The teen lets the paper fall to the ground and wraps the cloth around her face, taking a few tries since she kept knotting her hair in the cloth. "How do I look?"
"Absolutely terrifying." Arthur says reaching out an straightening the cloth. "Just one look at you and everyone on the stage will surrender without us even having to shoot a gun."
"I hope none of us will have to fire our guns, son." Dutch says as he walks over to where they were standing, Hazel looks over towards her father who is pouring another cup of coffee. Dutch chuckles when he sees Hazel's bandana. "You look like a tiny little outlaw Hazelnut. Wish Susan's camera still worked; go pull this mess out of your face." He says tugging on her hair. "As soon as you get back and-," Dutch raises his voice and looks in the direction of where John was napping against a tree. "-as soon as John decides he's done lazing about-," John jumps and scrambles to his feet. "-we can head out." Dutch smiles as the youngest members of his group scramble to do as they were told; John is the last on his horse since he wasn't able to find his bandana in the mess that was his side of the tent.
It's seems like a longer ride to the ambush spot now that it was actually happening. Probably just nerves though. They took off into the woods and set up for the stages. Hazel was trying not to show her nerves, she was still excited but now bit worried. Some past stage hits had ended badly, her father took a bullet to the shoulder once, Arthur a knife slash to his chin, Dutch had broken his arm falling off a stage he had jumped on and missed, so much could go wrong, but they always walked away with money and all the injuries had healed. Hazel shook her head, they would be fine. If nothing else she knew what to do regardless of how this played out. "Hazel," Hosea's voice pulled her completely away from her thoughts. "Remember, you do everything we say, no questions and no hesitations, understand?"
"Yes dad." She says looking right at him and sounding more serious that she had in her life.
"Relax Old Girl." Dutch says, reaching over and patting Hosea's shoulder. "Hazelnut is going to be great. She's learned from the best and all she has to do today is not fall off that mammoth of a horse you decided she needed to have." Hazel smiles at Dutch's words and pats Goliath's neck.
"I promise I won't forget the plan and I'll do everything I'm told."
"Good girl." Dutch says as he rights himself on his horse. "After this job we're going to have the biggest party we're ever had."
A few more minutes pass and Hazel grips Goliath's reigns in her left hand and the large horse shifts under her weight and flicks his tail. The sound of a match being struck filled the air and Hazel looked towards John who was puffing on another cigarette, hazel swore he smoked more than the rest of them put together. He pulls a card out of the empty box and flips it in his hand and shook his head and looked at Hazel. "Do you need the bear? I already have this one." Hazel nods her head and takes the card she wasn't sure if she had or not, and put it in her satchel.
"Really?" Arthur says, sounding annoyed from where he sat behind them. "In case you two were not aware we have a stage to rob."
"Not here yet." John says with a shrug as he pulls another drag from his cigarette.
"Enough boys or I'll make you too be buddies on this job." Hosea says from the front, not looking back at them as he checks over his rifle.
"We never should have brought kids Old Girl, this would be much easier." Dutch says as he looks through his binoculars.
"Hey!" Bill and Hazel say in protest.
"Alright, straighten up," Dutch puts his binoculars away and pulls out his gun and pulls up his red bandana, "here it comes."
The whole demeanor of the group suddenly changes as we all follow Dutch's lead and pull up our bandanas and weapons from holsters. John sat up straighter in his saddle and tossed his half smoked cigarette to the ground. Hazel pulls her hair up tighter and takes a deep breath. "Remember, stick to the plan, no casualties if it can be avoided, lets ride!" Dutch says as he kicks The Count into motion.
*Camp*
Hazel couldn't stop looking at the $100.00 that was in her hand later on that night. That money kept her distracted as Susan wrapped her upper arm, her first job resulted in her first on the job injury, a graze to her left upper arm, Bill also lost his hat and he was already antsy to get to town to buy himself another one. All in all not a bad job, we all had money, the camp had money, and tomorrow we would go into town and donate it to a church that gave out free food and clothes. My injury wasn't that bad, but Susan was not happy with it at all. ranting about how all her hard work to get Hazel not to act like a man was down the drain if Hosea and Dutch allowed her to do "stupid shit like that." The teen just smiled and kept her mouth shut, she was just mad that the girl had gotten hurt. "Keep this wrapped and no rough housing with the boys until the stitches come out, and don't you even think that this is going to get you out of your chores."
"Yes miss." Hazel says as she pulls her sleeve down and hops off the back of the wagon and sets the bottle of whiskey she was given for the pain down. Hazel didn't think she would ever get used to the taste of the vile liquid, but she didn't mind the taste of beer as much, it was her birthday, she'd at least get a few bottles before the night was over. She walked over to the camp fire where the rest of the group was waiting for the food to cook and she sat down beside her father and gave him a smile.
"You all patched up?" Hosea said
"Yeah, my ears hurt more than my arm, Miss Grimshaw is a little mad."
"Susan's just worried , she thinks you're too young to go out on jobs with us."
"Are you still gonna let me? Go out with you I mean, I did everything I was told."
"I know, but right now we have nothing to do, so when the next job comes up Dutch and I will talk. You're going to have plenty of chances to rob stages. Your outlaw career is just beginning. "Hosea ruffles his daughter's hair and hands her a beer. "Right now, we are going to eat, drink, and celebrate your birthday and a job well done!" Hosea raises her voice and hit bottle of alcohol. Soon we're all drinking to Hosea's statement, eating the wild game, and celebrating. This party is more rowdy than in years past. The alcohol flows more freely, the songs are louder, Bill and Uncle have arm wrestling matches, and the night ends with all of us playing poker, and Hazel end the night with $150.00. She finally beat Hosea, it was probably because he was tipsy, but Hazel wasn't going to question it and just enjoy her good fortunes.
Hazel wonders what in the world she was going to do with the most money she had ever had in my life.
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1896
Hazel, John, and Sean all stand knee deep in the rushing river, surveying the dead bodies, the flipped stage, and a few dead horses. Hazel is shaking and nervously biting at her lip as she pulls the bandana off her face and holds it against the gash on her forehead that was sending rivulets of blood down her face. This was not how this was supposed to end, and she had a horrible feeling that even though the three of them were standing, they wouldn't be when word got back to camp. "Holy hell!" a thick Irish accent cuts the tension in the air as Sean shakes his wet hat in the air trying to dry it a little. John quickly tells Sean to lower his voice and help him search the bodies and sends Hazel to the stage to get the main point of this whole mess in the first place, payroll for a railroad company.
"We're so dead." Hazel says as she hands all the money to John, unsure if they should split it like they normally do or just hand it all to Dutch and grovel to not be destroyed. They had been told they were not allowed to do this job, or rather, Hazel had been told no, so she recruited her friends and went anyway. John seems to be limping a little as he walks out of the river counting the money. None of them we're looking notch, but you rarely walked away from flipping a stage without a few bumps and bruises.
"Maybe not." He says, "This is a fairly good take, and we're not dead."
"Why did Dutch not want us doing this in the first place, this was fun!" Sean says walking over to the other two, his voice as loud as it had been before. Sean had a loud personality and a louder mouth that Hazel normally would have enjoyed, but she was too worried about the coming blow back from this to share in the redhead's glee.
"Because that stage company has a tendency to hire more guards that rumor has it, and he was right. That's a lot of people we just had to kill." Hazel says looking at the six or seven bodies that were slowly making their way down the river with the current.
"It was them or us, and since we're all alive-,"
"That remains to be seen."
At the new voice the three outlaws turned towards the other side of the river and Hazel felt her stomach go into knots when she saw Arthur and Javier across the river. She wants the water to drag her downstream too. Arthur was wearing his disapproving big brother scowl and she knew that the rest of her day was going to be filled with various versions of the same lecture, and that Arthur would be the first one on that list. "Now get on your horses and get your asses over here." Arthur then says something to Javier who turns Boaz around and rides off, probably towards camp to rat us out.
John and Sean let out loud whistles and Hazel kept her mouth closed knowing Goliath would follow Old Boy anywhere. Hazel looked at John and whispered to him, "One a scale of 1 – 10 how dead are we?"
"An eleven sounds about right." He says as the three climbed on the horses and made their way over to Arthur who scolded them the whole way back to camp after demanding all the money from their score, which John handed over without complaint. John and Arthur hadn't been getting along much lately, John not excepting his role as Jack's father and Arthur not wanting to see John toss away something that was taken from him. Even Sean decided to keep his mouth shut, which was rare for him. This would be his first time under fire from the gang since he joined around 4 months ago. He was 19 and we hit it off fairly quickly, being close to the same age and his personality was infectious and very different than what I was used too, again probably helped by how close in age we were. Hazel's wrist was burning and she winced when she tried to move it, probably very sore from the kickback of the sawed off that she wasn't used to yet, a birthday gift she had bought this year. Arthur handed her his bandana when the purple and blue fabric was soaked and making more of a mess than it was helping. "This is why you idiots were told no." he grumbles again.
Arthur herded the three of us back to camp and Hazel thought if he would have had a whip he would have used it, but as nervous as her brother was making her, she was more worried about when they made it back to camp. All three of us were going to be in trouble, not only for not listening but for the mess we had created. Hosea and Karen had been working some fairly complex scam with some slime ball that ran moonshine and women for the pleasure market. Our little stage adventure ended with a gun fight about five miles outside town since we were not able to stop it where we had originally planned on. Yep, Hazel says closing her eyes, they were dead.
Camp came into view and Hazel swallowed hard when she sees her father and Dutch standing by the hitching posts with their arms crossed and stone cold expressions on their faces. Hazel takes as long as possible to get off her horse, and only the knowledge that it would be worse for her if she ran got her feet on the ground. "I'll brush him down chica," Javier says as he stands behind her and hands her him bandana to replace Arthur's. "They're mad but they own kill you."
"Dad looks pretty mad." Hazel says glancing over her shoulder and seeing her father's expression and flashing eyes. Dutch was walking with John and Sean, his hands holding both of them by their arms, towards where Strauss was waiting with his medical supplies.
"It will be worse the longer you delay. Go on now."
Hazel gives Javier a small smile and walks over towards her father who doesn't say a word but gives her a quick up and down check before pointing to where Miss Grimshaw is standing at the end of the medical wagon. John and Sean are shirtless and scrubbing their muddy skin as Strauss checks on John's leg. Hazel thinks the only reason Miss Grimshaw doesn't smack the back of her head as she walks by is because of how pathetic she must look. "Stip." The mother hen says as she hangs a blanket on the rope that normally acts as a clothes line so she can look the injured woman over without flashing the whole camp. Hazel would normally laugh at this considering how many times all of them have seen the rest naked, it happened in close quarters. But she just tugged her suspenders over her shoulders, again wincing at the pain in her wrist.
"You and those idiots flipped a stage, broken bones, cuts, internal bleeding, what were you thinking?" She says flipping Hazel's hat off her head and pulling her long hair into a bun so it would be out of the way.
"It wasn't supposed to happen like it did." Hazel says carefully pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it on the ground.
"Yes, well that is what happens when you don't listen and go off halfcocked just to prove a point. I swear Hazel Matthews if you were my child you'd have a sore backside no matter how old you are!" Susan hands Hazel and rag and as the young girl wipes away the mud and blood the older pokes at the gash in head a few moments before sighing and popping her head around the corner asking for whiskey and a needle and thread.
Soon Hazel is stitched and waiting for Karen to bring her clean clothes as Susan wraps the last bit of bandage around her wrist. "You're smarter than this young lady. I better not have to clean up after a mess like this again, understood?"
"Yes miss."
A blue dress is tossed over the blanket and I pull it over my head and Susan helps me comb my hair out because if I didn't do anything about it now it would be a tangled mess in the morning. "If you won't let me cut this mess, at least let me trim it up a little." She says pulling a stick from it.
"I need to learn how to braid it, would help."
"You're free from me; your father is waiting for you."
When Hazel walks out from behind the blanket she looks around for John and Sean, the redhead easy to spot where he pouts under a tree, four saddles on the ground beside him and one in his lap, I couldn't see any bandages so either they were all under his clothes or he just had minor injuries, Sean always seemed to be oddly lucky when it came to things like this, things that should beat the crap out of him just leaves him smiling. John was standing just inside of Dutch's tent, obviously still getting his dressing down from the man who, like Arthur, wasn't completely understanding on John's point of view on the one year old boy that had most of the camp wrapped around his little fingers. Hazel didn't completely agree with John's actions, but I could also see it from his view point. He and Abigail had only been exclusive for a month when she announced she was pregnant, and in reality Jack could belong to almost any of the men in the camp, minus the obvious of course.
The teenager spots her father reading at the table where they normally played dominos and she slowly made her way over to him. "Sit." He says shortly, kicking a stool out with his foot, she was going to sit across from him for this talk; it showed how much trouble she was really in. The girl tugs a bit at the tight bandage as she sits down. "Is it broken?"
"Yes sir." Hazel mumbles, her eyes not leaving the scratched and wore table top.
"No, no young lady. You think you're old enough and smart enough to know whats right, that you know better than people who have been on this earth just a bit longer than you. Why start showing respect now?"
"Dad I didn't mean-,"
"I know you didn't mean for this to happen, but the fact remains that if you would have listened to me in the first place than this wouldn't have happened. Not only did you put yourself in danger, you put the whole camp in jeopardy. What if John would have been killed? He has a son now, and both he and Sean help bring in money, work jobs, what if they would have been killed, captured, hurt worse than they are now. You were told no for a reason. But no, you let your pride and your own short sightedness overrule your brain and you went off anyway. " Hosea never yelled and most of the time Hazel appreciated that he had a cooler head than Uncle Dutch, but right now Hazel wished he would yell, it would be easier to listen to than his calm but disappointment filled voice.
"I swear you and Arthur are cut from the same self-deprecation cloth. Your worth is not contingent on what you do for the camp, how much money you bring in. We told Arthur not to do a stage when he was about your age, and he did it anyway and ended up with a hole in his leg for his trouble. I wish your job hadn't come with a payday, then you'd feel even more like an idiot that you already do. But I'm telling you right now Hazel, if you ever hit something after I or Dutch or even Arthur tell you no, what happening to you right now will seem like a field day. Do you understand me?"
"Yes dad." Hazel says wiping at the tears in her eyes. She hadn't raised her gaze from the table, but could feel her father's eyes boring holes in the top of her head.
"What possessed you to do such a stupid thing?" He asks, his voice going a little softer.
"I just wanted to help, we have so many new people, Jack, I just…..wanted…..I just wanted to prove once and for all that I can help like John and Arthur does."
"And don't you think that's a little selfish of you? Nobody here things that you do not help, yet you're always trying to get validation with everything you do. You're like Bill when he catches a few fish and expects days of praise for his work. We're a family; we all do equal work and as long as we have roofs over our heads and food in our bellies that should be enough."
Hazel looks up from the table at her father and nods her head. "I really am sorry dad. I promise I won't do something like this again." Hosea just smiles and reaches over and takes her good hand.
"Yes you will, because you're a teenager and that's how life works. But remember this in the future, how you feel right now next time a job comes up that there is even a hint of unease about. I'd rather miss an easy payday than burry you." Hazel nods and then Hosea tells her what her punishment will be, and that's to basically be Pearson's running lackey. She will be at the chuck wagon doing anything and everything the man asks. Hazel was glad she wasn't helping Miss Grimshaw, but after 16 years the woman decided it was best for all the clothes in the camp if Hazel stayed far away from them. Plus now with Karen, Tilly, and Mary-Beth she finally had the extra hand she needed and she wasn't above making the boys do laundry if they came back to camp too dirty too often. Mac and Davey always came back to camp smelling like actual soap and everyone thought they spent money on actual baths in a town to avoid her wrath. Sean was on saddle duty, I was on kitchen duty, and John was on clean-up, which meant the poor man would have to clean up after the party tonight.
With so many people the party wasn't really a birthday party, more of an excuse to be loud and drink more than normal. Gifts were still exchanged, but they were given randomly throughout the day and often a repeat of things from the past. Dutch always gave her a book, John always money to buy her own gift, Arthur took her and helped her customize her guns, and her father always gave her a new journal. But Hazel didn't mind, her birthday felt more like Arthur and John's had before they hit 20 and they kinda stopped all together. Hazel was kinda looking forward to the day her birthday was just a normal day with a few gifts tossed her way, no fuss.
This year the party seemed even more rowdy than normal. But there were also several new people who liked to drink. Karen, Mac, and Davey seemed to be trying to see who could empty a box of whiskey the fastest. Ever since Javier joined he had a guitar with him and Hazel had talked him into teaching her how to play, his gift to her had been a guitar of her own. So they both sat on the ground by the fire playing songs that the gang drunkenly sang along too. Hazel was nowhere as good as Javier and she didn't know all the notes, but she did what she could but sang as loud as she could.
The same games were played, this time Hazel found herself playing against John and Arthur rather than on their team since her and Sean had grown fairly close the last few months, it was hard to tell who was worse with John's limp and Sean being a bit tipsy that neither team was really going a head of the other with the horseshoes and when Sean tossed one and it almost hit Dutch in the head they all four scattered. "John!" Hazel yelled when she tripped over a rope that was pinning a tent to the ground, he was the closest.
"Come on." He says, pulling her to her feet. "You're a mess birthday girl."
"Nah, I'm just tipsy!" She says with a giggle. "Remember you're 16th birthday? You got so drunk and Ath-Arder-Arthur tossed you in the river?"
"I remember the cold I had a few days later." John says shaking his head. He stops and looks at Hazel and takes both her hands in his. She was too drunk to really remember what he was going to say, but he wanted to say it anyway. "I'll always remember you Hazel, all the fun we had when we were little. Today was just a reminder of how we can never get back to that."
"What are you talking about? We'll be forgiven soon and we'll be back out there in no time!" she said rubbing John's long hair. "I'll help you clean up tomorrow; I think you have the worst punishment out of all of us. Guess you're not Uncle Dutch's favorite anymore!" Hazel was stumbling away from John back to where the majority of the gang was gathered and dividing into teams for an epic game of tug o war as Uncle was shouting about.
Hosea and Dutch were the captains and ended up doing a thumb war over who would get to pick first and Dutch pouted a little as Hosea won and called Arthur over with a large smile. Arthur was strong, probably the strongest they had, so he was an advantage.
John walked over and joined in, for once he was staying sober for the party, wanting to remember every moment he could before the morning, when he would leave and would probably never be allowed back.
Soon the camp was split in two and then a bunch of drunk or at least tipsey people tried to pull the rope over this stump first. It resulted in most of them falling over and simply letting go when the rope dug into their palms. Hazel giggled as she lost her footing and fell back, landing on Sean who wrapped his arm around her middle to keep her upright. "Easy lassie, this is treacherous ground."
"That's why I got the spot in front of you, if anyone is gonna die in the dirt it's gonna be you!"
"Ya hurt me Hazel, here I was trying to stop you from getting all dirty and this is how you treat me!"
"Hey, stop flirting and grab the damn rope!" Bill's angry voice made the young couple jump apart and grab the rope again. In the end Hosea's team won and more whiskey flowed, then one by one they all staggered to their tents and soon the camp was filled with snores and grunts.
The sun was peaking over the edge of the land when John walked out of his tent with his bag flung over his shoulder. He had made the decision to leave a while ago, but wanted to wait until after Hazel's birthday, give them one more year together. John wasn't ready to be a father, he wasn't even sure that Jack was actually his and he didn't think it was fair that he was being pushed to be something he probably wasn't. John also wasn't sure if he loved Abigail in a way that would last forever. John had seen love, Dutch and Annabel had real love and from what he heard Hosea and Bessie had as well, and John just didn't think he had it with Abigail.
John also didn't like living in the shadow of Arthur anymore. The man seemed to go out of his way to do things that John just didn't want to do. John didn't believe in Dutch's better world as much as the rest of them seemed to, but he had learned while he was still a kid not to really question it because he would always be asked why, and John didn't really have an answer. John also wasn't a huge fan of all the new faces. Bill was a fool, a loud mouthed fool, Mac and Davey liked to drink and fight and cause problems. Javier was ok, just a little quiet, but Sean about drove him to drink like Karen, and John was pretty sick of Sean making eyes at Hazel too. His little sister deserved better than some drunken Irish idiot who slept with Karen more often than not.
John needed to leave, get his head on, maybe find something new. He didn't hate his family, but he needed breathing room. Time to grow into his own man, not who Dutch wanted him to be. He loaded Old Boy up with the last bag and as he was grabbing a few oatcakes to shove in the saddlebag he saw Hazel's tent flap open and the girl stumble out and barf over the side of the white canvas. John shook his head and walked over to her and pulled her hair back as she emptied her belly of all the alcohol she consumed last night.
"God, thanks John. Remind me never to drink like that again. Sean can keep his crown, it's not worth it." She says wiping her mouth on the back of her hand. "Getting an early start on cleaning? I said I'd help you."
"Nah, you go back to sleep, you throw up anymore and I'll be on barf duty too."
"You look awful nice to be cleaning up bottles and plates, what are you up too?" Hazel tugs on his jacket as she speaks, John normally ran around in his union suit and jeans, this was a full shirt and vest and jacket affair he had on today.
"Gonna run into town, be back soon, can't be looking like a trouble maker after yesterday." He lies, trying to lead her back to her tent.
"Let me go with you, I need to pick up my cattleman anyways. Engravings should be done today." Hazel pulls her arms free but freezes when she sees how loaded Old Boy is. She slowly turns and looks at John and swallows. "You're not going to town are you?"
"No. I'm not."
"So I didn't imagine that goodbye you gave me last night then? May I ask why?"
"I'll let you ride out with me a little and I'll let you know, I can't risk staying here and anyone else waking up, especially Dutch."
Hazel doesn't bother to saddle Goliath up, just pulls herself up and follows John out of camp to the main road, they slow down as John tells her everything that has been on his mind for the past several months and why he thought he needed to leave. "I really wish you wouldn't go, I need you John. I need my big brother." Hazel says with tears in her eyes.
"Come on, we haven't really acted like siblings in years, you don't need me."
"I still don't want you to go. I need you John, the group needs you." Hazel can't help the tears that fall from her eyes. John slides down off Old Boy and pulls Hazel down from Goliath and pulls her into a hug as she cries. John rests his head against hers and closes his eyes, this is why John had wanted to leave before anyone work up. After a few minutes Hazel pulls back and wipes her eyes. "I love you, try and write okay. And I'm gonna plan a welcome back party for you. I know you will back."
"I'll write you, I promise." John kisses the top of her head before they pull completely apart and mount onto their own horses. Hazel watches and John kicks Old Boy and disappears down the road.
