He sat on the edge of the building, his golden and red wings spread out behind him, the busy city so far below him. It was night time, the best time for patrolling but right now, he was just enjoying the view.
His blue eyes scanned the sky, the light pollution from the city not hindering his star glazing at all. That was one of the perks of having heightened senses after all, his eye slight was like a hark, he could see things in detail miles away.
Though heightened senses weren't all good, he thought with a grimace, rubbing his ear as he heard a couple a few levels down from him start arguing and screaming at each other. It was like they started yelling right into to his ear…
He shook his head, tuning out all the unnecessary sounds until everything was quiet. He sighed wearily, running his hand through his blond hair, making it even messier and more wind-blowed then it already was. Maybe he should get back to patrolling instead of waiting for…
What was he waiting for, exactly? Why did he sit here every night, waiting for something he couldn't reach, even if he flew the highest he could go, it wouldn't be enough.
He knew why he was sitting here, he knew he was waiting for that little dot to appear in the sky, to pass him by. He knew he was waiting for Thunderbird five to pass through the sky, his big brother up there looking down at him, not knowing at his missing little brother was looking up at him.
Why was he doing this to himself? Why couldn't he move on? It has been years since he seen his family, years since he was taken, years since his DNA was torn in two, years since he was made into a-
He shook himself out of those thoughts with a gasp, gripping the edge of the building. His grip was so strong that where his hand was, the stone had cracked and crumbled, leaving a small hole where his hand had been. He stared at the dust on his hand, his inhuman strength truly did scare him sometimes…
But strength could be controlled, it was his instincts that scared him, instincts that had him carrying and hiding throwing daggers on his person, instincts that he leaned hard on to keep him and his teammates alive. Instincts he had to push down and suppress…
He frowned, letting himself fall backward on to his back, his wings stretched out to either side of him, looking up at the night sky. He couldn't escape the fact that he had been an assassin, a brainwashed/mind-controlled assassin yes but an assassin nonetheless. He would always have those instincts.
And he hated that.
So maybe the question wasn't 'why couldn't he move on?' and more, 'why didn't he go running back to his family the second the league of assassins control over him was broken?'
It had only been a year since Miss Martian broke the brain control, bring back half of his memories (He had half of himself torn from him, the memories he had now were all he had left) and in turn, his self-awareness. The two versions of himself, the young teen that couldn't wait to be a thunderbird and the assassin that he had been made into, merged all at once; making him.
A half-alien, half-human hybrid teen who didn't age at the same rate as everybody else because alien DNA and who seems to be constantly stuck in an identity crisis.
The first memory that he could call his own was filled with sheer terror and disgust at himself, at what he been made into. Sure, his teammates had accepted him, they had saved him after all. The rest of the superhero community coming slowly soon after.
They didn't blame him for the things he had been forced to do, but he couldn't stop blaming himself, hating himself. Because he didn't care if he was mind-controlled or not, that blood was still on his hands. So maybe that was why he kept himself away from his family, even though the longer he's apart from them, the more painful it gets.
Because he's scared, terrified, that they will see it the same way. It would kill him if his family, the whole reason he keeps getting up in the morning, hated him. So he rather live with this overwhelming pain, then to see the hatred in their eyes.
The tension in his shoulders lessened as he spotted a little dot passing through the sky, a small, tired smile appearing on his face as he let himself drift back to simpler times.
"Hey, John…"
