The Tragedy of Ruff Ruffman

It was a dark day when I entered the veterinarian's office. The smell of sterile sanitizer pierced my highly sensitive dog nose and the pain of the pavement I ate settled heavy in my stomach. It had been there for days, but my owners had not noticed until my whining reached a pitch of which NASA had to issue a warning because they thought it was an unrecorded war siren.

Then I saw him out of the corner of my eye. Light Yagami.

He came over with that vacant glance of his and asked me if I was in pain. I did the only thing I knew to do, ruff. He gave me a small, awkward smile and pulled out a girly notebook covered in donuts. I knew this was the fabled 'Euthanasia Notebook'. He, then, asked me my name.

"Ruff Ruffman," I replied, but for some reason he already knew. When I gazed at what he had written I realized all it said was, 'Bark'.

I shakily pawed off my glasses and gave them to my oldest friend. Light. He looked me in the eyes, gave me a crooked smile, the reflection of the LEDs above us shining in my glasses he had then put on his face. He then said, "It is time," and sucker punched me in my fuzzy gut.

I flew across the room, he took out his notebook, and scribbled a horrible image of me that was akin to a child's drawing. I whined where I was on the floor and waited for my end.

Unfortunately, Light was wearing my glasses and the image of my dying body was too corrupted and twisted to actually resemble anything other than possibly a circle with eyes. At this moment a scream was heard from the next room as a weirdly round sugar glider died a peaceful, demon-drug induced death. That was meant for me, I thought.


Chapter 2

AN: I can't figure out how to switch cahpters, haha! new to this whole site thing, hehe!

Iroh is my Celebrity Crush

Once upon a time there was a moose named Iroh. Everyone always mistook him for this weird 'Dragon of the West' guy; Iroh never let it get him down. Well, not at first. You see, the West Iroh-guy was kind of a jerk when Moose-Iroh was around. They were friends because Moose-Iroh was Iroh-guy's war moose.

One day, however, Iroh-guy was riding Moose-Iroh to battle at the great wall of Ba sing se and Moose-Iroh died. It was at this moment that the Iroh realized that he was famous. Not because of his failure at Ba sing se, but because no one had ever seen just a plain moose before.

And Iroh had killed it.

Iroh sucked, but I love him. This is the end of this fanfiction because I have no idea where I was going with this from the start. I began with a statement that somehow devolved into moose shut up Andy no one loves you… that's when Ruff Ruffman entered with his best and longest friend, Light Yagami. They came to perform human transmutation on Moose-Iroh. Unfortunately they forgot about the equivalent exchange principle and made a monster. Even more unfortunate, however, was the fact that Moose-Iroh and regular Iroh were too close together during the mutation (as Iroh was mourning Moose-Iroh because (even more secretly Moose-Iroh was his son)). Moose-Iroh was dead, yes, but Iroh now inhabited his body. IROH WAS A MOOSE AND BECAME THE PROFOUND MOOSEROH. All hail mooseroh

At this moment Iroh's nephew appeared openly concerned about his missing uncle. Unfortunately I forgot that in the timeline of this story Zuko would be like 3. So allow me to rephrase, he TODDLED up restlessly crying like a bitch about his mother not giving him enough red crayons to draw with.

This is when Zuko noticed the bloody corpse of a moose and Light standing with Ruff looking absolutely astonished at what had happened. It was at this moment that Zuko began to bitch again because to him it seemed that all of his red crayon had been melted down and used on the present moose.

Hearing the sound of his beloved nephew crying, Iroh woke up in moose form and stood on shaky hooves attempting to approach the boy. At this time Zuko became angry at the moose who had taken not only his red crayon, but his honour, and began blasting at the moose with unmatched force and anger. Iroh the moose once again, died, but this time it was a different mind inhabiting the body. The true Iroh was dead because his own nephew killed him.

WHY DID YOU LINK YOUTUBE

Ozai was angry. He had just heard that his incompetent and much grislier brother had disappeared into the wiles of the wilderness and his son with him. Word was that a strange moose was found at the foot of a strange marking on the ground, but that no other information was privy.

His wife had approached him earlier begging for a search party, but they were having lunch, and there was no way Ozai was going to stop eating his empanadas just for his wimp-ass son. Oops, he forgot he wasn't supposed to say that according to Ursa.

It was at this time that Ozai entered his father's chamber and choked him to death with an empanada. He was Firelord. Take that you stupid waste of fetus you will never have the true empanadas, I gave you a burnt one.

It was official, Light and Ruff's friendship had gone too far. They had kidnapped a child. The moose… was dead. The child… was angry. And the last red crayon they had been saving… was compromised. This was the end for the charismatic duo, for now they had to become gay dads, and quickly.

As the child Samuel L Jackson (Zuko) had finally accepted the men warily, he watched them out of the corner of his eye as he began to draw with red crayon on the last of their money. Light and Ruff gave him short, strained smiles as they turned to talk privately.

"Ruff, buddy, we can't keep this kid!" He looked around quickly, as if checking to see if anyone was listening. "Neither of us know how to raise a child and we darn well can't turn him in! He's the Firelord's son for crying out loud! Heck, we see his chubby-ass face every week on the gossip magazines ever since his mom went psycho and gave that one baker a foot to the face after figuring out that they only sold rye!" He sighed. "Plus, no offence bud, but I don't think I'll ever have intensely gay feelings for a good bud'o'mine like you."

At this Ruff looked away in grief. For one, he couldn't speak so there was no way he could communicate with his friend anyway. And second, he had always had a disgusting man-splaining crush on the creepy, diary possessing caucasian and the man had just shattered his dreams. He had planned to tell him over a nice dinner. Possibly Lady and the Tramp it up… but then he had remembered Light was a human, and, once again his dreams were killed.

He reminded himself every day that their forbidden love could never come to light. For the one he sort of had confusing feelings for was a human. How could Light ever want to be a gay dad with Ruff in the first place? They were just too different. Maybe one day, when the lines between bud and boi were crossed… But until then it couldn't be helped.

Ruff looked deep into the haunted eyes of his comrade and gave him a sincere and genuine, "Bark!" that screamed of optimism and surety.

Light's eyebrows shot up, "You think we can do it Ruff, Bud?"