Player 3 has entered the game: Riley's pokemon saga

"LILITH!?"

My lucario's telepathic voice entered my head. "Yes, Master."

"Psycho spoon bitch."

"Correct."

"Are you shitting me?"

"I would never empty my bowels upon you, Master."

I sighed. Idioms are hard.

"Arceus." I paced in my bathroom. "Lilith. Fucking Lilith?"

"I assure you, that is what the Angry Banana wants: you fucking her."

"Damnit, Rufio!"

"What?"

"Ugh, nothing!"

My lucario entered the master bathroom, wiping his paws on his chest. His beige fur was matted with gobs of goopy mess. The pokemon had previously admitted to getting off on the lust-charged auras of me and the salazzle while we …

"And there is more news: the Angry Banana is not the only one, though she is the most interested."

"What?!" I shrieked.

The four black stalks on the back of my lucario's head twitched. "Master, is this a bad time for that discussion? Your aura is … worrisome."

"Get in here, before you let in more of those pheromones." I slammed the door behind him. Great, just me and my lucario, both naked and aroused, in the tight confines of my bathroom, breathing in residual salazzle pheromones. What could possibly go wrong?

I fought to keep myself focused. "Okay, let's just …" I sighed. "One pokemon at a time, okay? How long have you known about Lilith?"

"Two years. She hides it well."

"That long?! Why haven't you ever told me before?"

Rufio snorted in disdain. "Because I knew it was one of those things: the social things that make humans uncomfortable."

"A faux-pas."

"Exactly."

Too shocked from my revelation to even move, I watched in horror as my lucario climbed onto the bathroom countertop and non-chalantly began washing his semen-covered fur using MY FUCKING SINK.

"But now that you and the Demon Lizard have mated, I assumed that you would be more accepting of other human-on-pokemon relationships."

"How did you find out?" I demanded, watching in utter disbelief as my pokemon touched my faucet knobs with the same paws that had just been touching his own knob.

My lucario grunted dismissively as he rubbed water into his short, dense fur. "The Angry Banana may be able to hide her thoughts from other psychic pokemon, but she cannot hide her aura. Whenever you get angry at her, her arousal becomes as obvious as the time of day."

"Oh, Arceus," I muttered.

Rufio's red eyes glared at me through the reflection in the mirror. "Do not tell her I told you. She would … in her words, 'murder my face', Master."

As my lucario started to wash down between his legs, I finally snapped out of my shock and grabbed the pokemon, pulling him away from my sink. "Damnit, Ruf, not in the sink! That's gross. If you need to wash cum off your fur, do it in the shower."

My lucario cast his eyes downward. "My apologies, Master. They are both drains: I do not see the difference."

I threw my hands up in the air in exasperation. "For fucks sake, Ruf! I brush my teeth here; I wash my hands … I DRINK from that faucet!"

"Do you lick the sink basin?"

"What!? No!"

"Then I do not see a difference."

"I don't care. Never, ever, EVER do it again!"

"Oh …" Rufio's eyes avoided mine. "I have a confession: for the last month, ever since the Demon Lizard began mating me, I've been cleaning out my penis sheath using your sink."

"You've been doing WHAT?!"

"I wash my genitals in your sink, Master."

I dry heaved. "Rufio … what the actual FUCK!?"

My lucario held his snout high in defiance. "I can't let her stinky pheromones stick to my fur. My sheath needs to be cleaned out immediately."

"But … I just … it … Arg!"

"Do not worry, Master, I use the fancy soap."

I blinked. "The … the fancy soap? You mean the pokemon bath soap?"

"No, the soap for scrubbing your head fur. The conditioner keeps my sheath soft."

"You use MY SHAMPOO to wash your DICK SHEATH?"

"Yes, Master."

My hands trembled as I nearly throttled the blue pupper. "Get out. Now."

Rufio's aura stalks quivered, and his crimson eyes widened. "Master, your aura is frightening me. You should calm down. Take deep breaths."

"GET OUT, RUFIO!"

Reluctantly, the blue canine pokemon bowed his head in acknowledgement. "Very well, Master." My pokemon left the bathroom, closing the door behind him, but his telepathy followed me through the wooden door. "I apologize for my actions, Master. I have made you angry. I am a bad pokemon. I need to be punished."

I rested the side of my head against the door and tried to control my breathing. "I don't punish you for anything, Ruf. You know that."

"I do. So I will proceed to punish myself. I shall abstain from dinner tonight."

I looked into the mirror, and despite myself, I smiled. "I can't stay mad at you, buddy."

"That is one of your many character flaws."

I shook my head, watching my long, dirty blond hair shake to and fro in the mirror.

Lilith.

Fucking Lilith.

Psycho 'mon. Spoon bitch. Kadabr-asshole.

The sociopathic kadabra who enjoyed tormenting me on a daily basis.

She was sexually attracted to me?

"Whenever you get angry at her," were Rufio's exact words. What did that even mean? Does that psycho bitch get off on getting me pissed? That would make so much sense.

I felt a pang in my chest as I realized that she might be nearby, reading my thoughts right now. I called out to her in my mind, daring her to come out if she was listening.

But the bathroom was silent. As was my mind. I was safe. For now.

I ran my hands through my hair and tried to not hyperventilate. Arceus, what should I do?

I was literally minutes removed from the first pokephile experience of my life: that damned salazzle was still on my bed, recovering from an – admittedly passionate – sexual encounter. Her intoxicating pheromones were still swimming around in my brain, filling me with unconditional love and lust for her. My dick had just been inside that lizard's scaly slit! Yuck, I couldn't even get through that last thought without shuddering.

I was already experiencing a massive crisis of faith, here … and now my lucario has to go and drop this kadabra-flavored knowledge bomb on me?!

Why Lilith? Anyone but Lilith. I couldn't deal with the possibility of that sociopathic terror wanting to get into my pants, too. I pounded the countertop. I didn't want to think about this. Not right now. Lilith could get in my head at any moment. Plus, I had thirty two pokemon in my care … and who knows how many of them secretly wanted my dick!? Suddenly, I felt surrounded by horny 'mons. Arceus, I couldn't control these racing thoughts. And the salazzle pheromones muddling up my mind – they made my mental state worse! My heart rate spiked. I wanted to scream.

I had to get out of the house. Fast. I needed to clear my head: get a Calm Mind. And dammit, I wasn't a pokemon that could do it using one of their moves.

I dashed into my bedroom and – woof, the smell of pheromones was overpowering in here. I couldn't stay long, or I'd fall back under Tryst's spell. I yanked open drawers and threw shirts on the ground as I searched for cycling clothes as fast as I could. Tryst sat up and called out to me.

"Raak-ssk! Grn, szl?"

The sultry salazzle beckoned me back to bed with a seductive, inviting curl of her long, black tail. My eyes were immediately drawn to her electric pink underbelly, and the swollen slit between her hind legs. I had to concentrate hard just to look away. The only thing stopping me from jumping back into bed was a full-blown panic attack.

"Sorry, Tryst, later!" I managed, throwing open the door and hopping out with one foot still trying to fit through my biking shorts. Behind me, the salazzle called out a throaty yowl in confusion. I was down the hallway in a flash, and was nearly out the front door, when–-

"There you are, human!"

"LILITH!" I shrieked, falling flat on my ass.

The kadabra levitated herself right into my path. Her yellow legs dangled in the air, those intimidating toe claws grasping at nothing. Lilith looked down at me with that smug grin that she always wore on her triangular snout, no matter the season or weather.

"So now you have mated the lizard-face! It's about time. How do you feel, to have sullied yourself by violating a pokemon? Are you overcome with shame? Regret? Or maybe you secretly loved it! Show me, show me! Show me what's swimming in that feeble little mind!"

I sprang to my feet and threw the floating pokemon against the wall. "Get the fuck away from me!"

Lilith grunted with surprise. The force of the shove broke her concentration, and she fell to the floor in shock. I always have to be aggressive with her, but I don't think she was ready for that much aggression.

I unhooked my bike from the garage dock and took off in an instant. Even as I pedaled down the neighborhood, I heard the pokemon call out to me in my mind. "Running from your problems won't fix them, human-face!"

I clicked it into high gear and was blasting off like Team Rocket. I pumped my legs on the pedals as fast as I could. Quaint ranch houses and picket fences were but a blur in my vision. I barely paid attention to the road.

I need to organize my thoughts. Take deep breaths … okay, okay … clear your mind ...

Let's start at the beginning. That will help.

My name is Riley. I'm a well-respected Pokemon Rehabilitator: a professional handler who specializes in behavioral therapy for "unadoptable" pokemon. My life's work was to help these 'mons work through their problems until they're stable enough to find a forever home. Now, some of these pokemon may never recover enough to leave my care … but that's okay. All of these pokemon have been abandoned by their previous trainers, which struck a chord with me. It disgusted me that folk can just walk out on a pokemon like that.

… hell, some people will even walk out on their own family, too …

I knew what that was like. It was a constant struggle to be the better man: that no matter how difficult it gets, I'd shower these pokemon with unconditional love and support, and never, ever give up on them.

Even Lilith.

That bitch.

I currently had thirty two pokemon housed on my acre of land, and most had mental or physical issues that required daily attention. How have I managed to live with that many dysfunctional pokemon that need individualized care?

Well, I'm currently having a panic attack after fucking a dominatrix musk lizard and finding out that a sadistic psychic monster wanted to be next. How do you think it's going?

My life is immensely rewarding, but also stressful as hell. Rufio helps. A lot. My lucario is as much of a trainer as I am at this point: always talking to the pokemon, using his ability to see their auras – to read their emotions – and figuring out how to fix them. Rufio is indispensable in my line of work: both for his skills, and his emotional support. Without my little blue buddy, I would have had a full mental breakdown years ago.

Some of my pokemon just need to be in a loving, open environment that run-of-the-mill pokemon shelters can't offer. Like Lily, an ivysaur with pokeball anxiety, or Cherry, a pikachu with a compulsive battery-licking obsession. Those are the easy ones. Other 'mons are just too dangerous to entrust to anyone else: Lilith is too sadistic, Scorn the charizard is too headstrong, and Tryst the salazzle, well …

Tryst won't stop manipulating everyone into having sex with her.

I'll admit, I put up a good fight. The only thing stronger than Tryst's love-inducing pheromones was my sheer big-headed stubbornness. But even though I managed to not let her love enslave my mind, I couldn't do anything about my pheromone-induced boner. In the end, it took an entire mob of pheromone-drunk slaves to hold me down on the bed, just so that damn lizard could have her way with me. And though I still felt the salazzle pheromones surging through my head, whispering to me how hot that was, I knew I should be horrified, too. Tryst coerced me. I was raped. By a pokemon.

Ugh … where do I even begin? I needed more than a bike ride to process that. I needed a drink.

Beep beeeeeep!

I swore and swerved my bike out of the way of an oncoming truck. There's not a lot of traffic out here, in the wealthy suburbs beyond Saffron City, and I had barely noticed I was in the middle of the road. I took a left down the development and pedaled onto the open road, further away from downtown Saffron. My leg muscles started to burn, and the pain seemed to clear my mind.

Okay, let's sort through these emotions later. Preferably with a bottle in my hand. Right now, the only thing I knew for certain was that I shouldn't encourage Tryst any further. Who knows how Tryst would react if I let her do it again?

And not to mention what Lilith would do if I started pokefucking on the regular …

Lilith …

Arceus, why did it have to be Lilith?

If any other pokemon wanted to fuck me, and it wouldn't be a big deal. Lily, the ivysaur? Cute, but definitely not. Scorn, the charizard? Eh, she would get over it. Rocko, the rhydon? Nah, let's stick to our bromance.

But Lilith?

Not only was Lilith a textbook sociopath, and an unmitigated bitch, she was a kadabra.

The abra evolutionary line was the terror of the Kanto circuit: ruthless, powerful, surprisingly speedy battlers that were adept at nearly all forms of psychic abilities. Their final evolutionary stage, alakazam, was widely regarded as one of the most powerful pokemon native to Kanto, with only dragonite, snorlax, and gyarados as contenders for that crown. The abra line were regularly featured in competitive battle posters, advertisements, and merchandise. Every foreign trainer looking to make their name here was given the same advice: watch out for the abra line.

Alakazams dominated the pro scene for years and years, so much that the competitive meta had been focused around countering them. Even nowadays, with new strategies, and competition from psychic types from other regions, the abra line still represented the "gold standard" of what a psychic pokemon should be capable of: raw power, blazing speed, and clever ruthlessness.

Telekinesis was the abra line's trademark ability: a well-trained alakazam was strong enough to flip cars with a mere thought, yet they displayed an innate sophistication that few other pokemon could boast: with a twitch of their whiskers, they could tie knots in shoelaces, put puzzle pieces into place, or even solve a rubik's cube (last I checked, the video of that has over twenty million views). And that says nothing of their other abilities: telepathy, levitation, teleportation, psychic energy projection, subliminal suggestion, hallucinations, and even psychic domination were very real threats.

Basically, what I'm getting at here, is that Lilith terrified me.

Lilith was a pokemon that not only enjoyed inflicting suffering on others, she could perform it in all the worst ways. She loved to get in my head, stir up my deepest insecurities, and use them against me. And even though Lilith wasn't fully evolved, a kadabra's psionic potential still rivaled that of many other pokemon's final-stage evolutions.

I was fortunate that most of the time, the kadabra preferred to merely annoy me. It was usually little things, like stealing spoons right out of my hand, telekinetically moving my cup when I'm about to grab it, or ripping off my bedsheets in the night. She's also fond of telekinetically throwing small objects at my face (always the face!), though I've gotten better at dodging over the years. And that doesn't even include the verbal abuse I get from her: nearly every word telepathically emanating from that pokemon's brain is full of vitriol and spite.

But sometimes, the yellow, spindly-limbed pokemon will cross over into pure malicious intent. She's hypnotised me, thrown me into walls, implanted disturbing and self-harming thoughts, and has attacked me with psychic blasts more times than I can count. She manifests hallucinations spawned from my deepest phobias, and is rather fond of giving me night terrors, too. Half the things I own have been telekinetically launched at me at least once. She even ripped my Kanto League Showdown poster that was signed by Lance himself!

And the scariest thing is, despite owning Lilith for three years, I've never seen her use the full strength of her power.

I swear, the pokemon actively takes pleasure in holding back, taunting me with phrases like "I could, but I won't" … like I'm supposed to be thankful that her psychic blasts merely gave me a nosebleed!

I know, I know, there's the popular notion that "no pokemon are born bad, they learn how to be bad from their trainers" – and I used to think that, too, for many years – but, excuse my Galarian: that is BULLOCKS.

Let's not sugarcoat things: Lilith was a bitch. A yellow floaty bitch with bitch cream filling and a glazed bitch coating that was baked at nine hundred degrees in the fires of hell. I know, everyone says that pokemon are neither good nor bad, but are molded by their trainers. And I still believe that, for the most part. But, I'll go as far as to say that Lilith was the single greatest argument for evil pokemon since, well … the Mewtwo Incident.

I haven't done shit to Lilith except attempt to love her, be patient with her, and do my best to accept her flaws. And all she does in return is make my life miserable. To even talk to psycho 'mon is to do battle with her. She's always looking to prove her superiority. The ornery kadabra can't even go a full minute without some disparaging comment about humans and how dependent they are on pokemon. And if I showed any weakness at all, she'll overpower me with her psychic abilities. But staying on the offensive always seems to get her to back down eventually. And when push came to shove, I could always put her in her pokeball.

Phenomenal cosmic power … itty bitty living space.

… man, I was getting far from home. And my legs ached from all this pedaling. Better turn back.

Focus, Riley, focus!

I needed to figure out how to address this crazy situation of Lilith's attraction to me.

Screwing her was out of the question, of course. A salazzle, I could understand: they're maybe not the sexiest pokemon, but they had those pheromones! But then there's a kadabra … they got those spindly arms, those beady little eyes, the weird mustache-like whiskers, and an oddly bulky chest like she's wearing Unovan football pads. Seriously, what's up with that? Lilith could have the persona of a seductress and she'd still creep me out!

The more I thought about it, though … the more I wanted to know why. What did spoon bitch see in me? Lilith hated me. Hell, the only thing keeping her around was the free food! So what could possibly drive her to bump hips with someone she hated?

The more I thought about it, the more the question bothered me. I knew there was only one thing I could do: I had to confront her. Get it out in the open. The absolute worst-case scenario is her finding out by prodding my mind. And she'll do that eventually. Spoon bitch never respects my personal thoughts. So I pedaled back home, thinking hard about what I'd say. By the time I pulled into my driveway, I had an entire speech prepared. I grabbed a Fresh Water from the shelf, chugged it, and gave myself a few minutes to cool off.

When I was ready, I walked through the front door and slammed it hard. I found Lilith on her plush pillow, where she had been napping (Lilith prefers to call this "meditating", but she doesn't fool me). The slamming door woke her up, and she snarled when she saw me, levitating herself up to meet my height.

"Stupid human-face! I require hushes for meditation!"

"I know, Lilith."

The pokemon twitched her whiskers, and a couch pillow hit me in the back of my head. "Good. Now go away and give hushes, before I break your face."

I shook my head. "No, I mean I know."

The kadabra's triangular face contorted in confusion. "What?"

I jammed a finger into her brown, carapace-like chest. "I fucking know!"

Lilith's wide eyes narrowed to slits. They began to shine, and I felt that subtle sensation of her psychic energy permeating into my brain. Suddenly, her eyes shot open wide, and she recoiled in shock.

"No … nooooooo!" Lilith's telepathic voice rang in my head, full of so much fear that it startled me.

The pokemon fell back on her red pillow, her springy tail went limp, and her whiskers drooped. She even let out an audible squeal, and it was the first time I had heard her voice – her actual, physical voice – in days. For a moment, Lilith was reduced to a cowering little pokemon, as scared as a wild rattata trapped in someone's garage. I was so shocked by her reaction that I lost every word I had planned to say to her.

"Lilith … Lilith!"

My voice snapped the pokemon out of her daze. She flinched and shook her head.

Zzzap!

With a flash of light, the kadabra teleported away.

"Hey!" I whirled around, but the pokemon was nowhere to be seen.

"Where are you, Lilith?" I shouted, and waited for a response. "Don't make me search for you."

Zzzap!

Suddenly, the kadabra reappeared in the living room, having put up her emotional shell and returning to the angry pokemon that I knew so well.

"How dare you find out," she said, growling.

Zzzap!

She teleported right in my face, causing me to jump back. "What the–"

"How do you know this?" She demanded, squeezing my cheeks between her claws.

"I'm not telling you."

Zzzap!

Lilith appeared in the kitchen. The silverware drawers began to rattle.

"Was it the lucario-face? Answer me, human!"

"No."

Zzzap!

I didn't know where she went. But suddenly, I felt claws on the back of my head. Without a moment's hesitation, the kadabra forced her way through my memories, making me to relive the events of today. I gasped, paralyzed by the uncomfortable sensation of my mind being violated. In the space of seconds, I saw the entire sexual experience I had with Tryst, from beginning to end, and the conversion I had with Rufio after.

... the Angry Banana may be able to hide her thoughts from other psychic pokemon, but she cannot hide her aura. Whenever you get angry at her, her arousal becomes as obvious as the time of day …

Lilith unhooked her claws from my scalp, and I collapsed onto the floor, my mind spinning from the forced intrusion. I looked up at the yellow and brown pokemon levitating before me, whose arms trembled with rage.

"The lucario will pay for this." The kadabra held her claws out, and her silver spoon shot from across the room and into her hand. "I will murder his face."

"Woah woah woah woah!" Lilith's feet rose off the ground, and I pushed her back down onto the floor. "You're not attacking Rufio."

The kadabra audibly growled and kicked me in the chest. "Stop touching me, human! Let me go!" She tried rising up again, I was forced to put more and more weight on the pokemon.

Zzzap!

I was suddenly holding onto nothing, and fell onto the carpet with a grunt.

I jumped to my feet. "Where did you go, psycho 'mon?"

Shit. More importantly, where was Rufio? I ran through the house, checking the rooms. Aurora the persian slept on my couch. Wart and Blister, the sandshrew brothers, groomed each other in the living room. In the kitchen, Cherry was in my utility drawer – I picked up the pikachu and took her with me, admonishing her as I pulled the batteries from her mouth. I found Leo, the mankey, jumping on my bed. So that's why it squeaks so much. Clyde the totodile was playing in my toilet again – gross!

But no lucario. Where was he?

Suddenly, I heard an explosion from outside. I rushed into the back door, grabbed Lilith's pokeball off the wall mount, then bolted outside. At the far side of my yard, I saw the two battling: a furious Lilith with her hands to her head, emitting a beam of purple energy from the red star on her forehead. Rufio attempted to dodge, but the blue pup caught a grazing blow, which knocked him to his feet. Other pokemon gathered around to watch the show.

"Dammit, Lilith, stop!" I set down Cherry and sprinted toward them as fast as I could. Didn't have time to recall her at close range. Had to throw her ball before she knew what was coming.

Growling, Rufio rushed toward the kadabra, but the floating pokemon levitated backwards, keeping her distance. Crackles of psychic energy danced between her clawtips as she readied a deadly psyshock. My little buddy was at a type disadvantage, and had no chance without a trainer to guide him.

"Rufio! Extreme Speed!"

That was a move my lucario hadn't used in years, but the instinct was still there. A green glow surrounded his furry body. He launched forward with impossible swittness, becoming a blue blur. Rufio plowed right through her and skidded to a stop. Lilith grunted and tumbled back. She rolled head over heels, her thick yellow tail flailing through the air.

The kadabra was slow to get up. My lucario planted his feet and muttered something to her, telling her to stay down. Almost there, now. I readied my throwing arm.

"Lilith, return!"

I tossed her pokeball with all my might. The white and red sphere tumbled through the air, arching high across the grass. Lilith glanced my way and growled. The kadabra raised her silver spoon – and her ball halted in mid-air. With a twitch of her whiskers, her spoon bent, the pokeball snapped shut, and then it flew far over my fence.

Well … shit.

"Do not dare to trap me in that ball, human!" The pokemon levitated herself back to standing position.

She then turned her attention back to Rufio, and hit him with a focused Psychic attack. My lucario grunted in pain, staggering back. Grasping his head, he struggled to put one foot in front of the other, trying to get close enough to get a kick in …

But Lilith was too strong, and Rufio fell onto his forepaws. The kadabra kicked her powers into high gear, crippling the fighting type as he writhed on the ground in agony.

The kadabra snarled as her feet slowly left the ground. "Do not test me ... you don't want to see me at full power."

By now, a crowd of pokemon had gathered around me, ready to rush to my aid. I bent down, patting Lily on her head. "Try it, spoon bitch. Everyone, go!"

The charizard roared, the persian growled, the houndoom howled. Lilith's eyes glowed a bright indigo. She raised her spoon, and it began to curl like a slithering ekans. One by one, she grabbed each pokemon, stopping them in their tracks and lifting them into the air.

But the kadabra could not stop so many pokemon at once.

"Curuuuuu!"

I felt a gale of wind stir behind me. A big, beige blur blasted past.

"Creo!" I gasped.

The blind pidgeot nailed Lilith with an aerial ace attack: it was a move that was guaranteed to hit. Behind him came the earth-shattering thumps of my rhydon, Rocko. On his shoulder was Cherry. The yellow mouse charged up her electric cheek pouches, letting out an adorable "Pika Piiiii!" as sparks arced off her body. Rocko was immune to the discharge, and he charged forward, the pikachu hopped onto his snout, clutched onto his horn, then leaped forward into the air like an electric missile.

The injured kadabra reached out. She grabbed hold of the pikachu with her mind. Cherry flailed in the air, squeaking in dismay as her four tiny paws paddled frantically. But with so many pokemon demanding Lilith's concentration, Rocko's momentum could not be stopped that easily. The living tank plowed right into the kadabra, sending the frail pokemon tumbling in the grass and hard dirt. Cherry and the rest of the pokemon fell to the ground harmlessly. Before the kadabra could get back up, Lily the ivysaur pounced on her and flexed her red flower bulb, puffing off a cloud of sleep-inducing pollen from its pedals.

Lilith fell onto her knees, let out a croak, then collapsed.

The kadabra was asleep. It was over.

"RU-FI-O!" I called out. "You okay?"

My lucario groaned. "I require many potions, Master."

Sounded like he'd be okay. I sighed in relief, and beamed with pride at the pokemon who had come to the rescue.

"I love you guys. Especially you, Rocko!"

The rhydon suffered from an inferiority complex, owing to an abusive trainer who would belittle him for bad performance in battle. I developed a slew of supportive interactions with him, designed to bring the tank-like pokemon out of his shell. And they seemed to be working, because it must have taken a lot of courage to rush to my aid like that.

"Thanks, bro!" I held out a hand. The rhydon grasped it in his large claws and squeezed hard. "You were so brave! I'm proud of you."

The rhydon raised his head and bellowed. "Rrrrawr!"

"Cree-caw!" The blind pidgeot hopped forward on his talons, looking oh so thrilled.

"Creo! Thank you!" I embraced the massive bird, who preened my hair lovingly. Lily and Cherry also hopped on me for pets.

"Alright, alright … everyone gets a treat!" I shouted, and my pokemon broke out in collective cries of delight.

Damn, do I love this job sometimes.

Ater checking up on Rufio (my blue buddy was fine) and sending a pokemon to go find Lilith's ball, I captured the sleeping kadabra and turned back to the house. And wouldn't you know that there was one pokemon waiting for me: a certain licentious lizard stood in front of the door. My chest tightened with anxiety when she blocked my path.

"Tryst!" I skidded to a stop, and my entourage of treat-hungry pokemon did likewise.

The salazzle did not look happy with me: she tapped her foot on the ground in a human-learned expression of annoyance. I couldn't begin to fathom which reason it was this time. Was it something I did during sex? Was it the way I rushed out on her afterward? I didn't know, and I didn't want to know. I had so much on my plate already, and the last thing I wanted was more horny lizard drama.

"Raaa-a-ak! Ssssss-grn!" the pokemon hissed at me, flicking out that tongue of hers.

Even staring at her now, I couldn't believe that I had just had sex with this pokemon. Arceus, what was wrong with me? I pulled my eyes away.

"Look, uh … whatever it is you want, it can wait." I slid past her and into my house. I needed to get her out of my head. Where was her pokeball?

Tryst's eyes narrowed, and she let out a throaty growl.

Fuck, I needed that drink.

That evening, I sat on the front porch of my ranch house, admiring the twilight and the twinkling stars overhead. It was a pleasant evening: the chirping of bugs and the occasional screeching of hunting zubats added a pleasant ambiance to the otherwise peaceful night. I needed some alone time. I had instructed Rufio that if any problems came up, he could handle it himself.

I swirled a glass of sake in my hand – Satoshi Limited: from one of Johto's oldest distilleries, and not too expensive. The label had a beautiful brush-painted motif of a Ho-oh and a Lugia in mid-flight. It was the kind of bottle you'd put on a shelf after you drank it. Lilith broke the last one, telekinetically launching it at my face … damn spoon bitch almost sent me to the hospital.

I looked down at my sake and sighed. I couldn't believe that the most pleasurable, intense sex of my life came from a salazzle who raped me. I had gone from screaming and thrashing and begging to be let go, to wishing the moment would never end. It's those damn pheromones. I couldn't help it if they made me want something I'm not supposed to.

Come on, Riley. It's just sex. It felt good. You enjoyed it. No need to get upset. So what if a mind-controlling musk lizard conscripted an entire army of horny pokemon slaves to hold you down while she made you cum? There was no harm in that … right?

Yikes, this was not working. Better take another sip. I savored the savory, floral bouquet of quality Johtonian sake and tried again.

So I had sex with a pokemon. And I liked it. Big fucking deal. It's not the first time it's happened. Hell, I remember coming across one of those tabloids in the magazine racks of pokecenters, where the front page had an eye-popping headline called "A Shocking Case of Poke-Love". It was a tongue-in-cheek interview with this trainer who took a bath with her tentacool. Man, the late-night talk shows had a field day with that one. That seemed to be the only way people could talk about pokephilia: to poke fun at the subject. Nobody knew how to take it seriously.

Shit … neither did I, now that I thought about it. Here I was drowning myself in glasses of rice wine because I had tapped some poke-ass.

I needed to stop freaking out about this. We live in a society where it's considered acceptable to send puberty-charged teens on adventures in the wilderness with adorable monsters as their only companions. Sometimes, when trainers venture deep off the routes searching for rare pokemon for days at a time, they or their pokemon can get lonely. And weird sex stuff can just … sorta happen. It's not unheard of. I say, that what happens in Viridian Forest stays in Viridian Forest.

On the other hand, I'm not a horny teenager anymore: I'm a well-respected Pokemon Rehabilitator, and my actions had consequences. If anyone found out that I had boned one of the pokemon under my legal protection, I could lose my license, destroy my reputation, and be shunned from the entire pokemon care practice. All of my pokemon (save Rufio, who I actually own) would be sent back to the shelters, where they'd live out the rest of their lives miserable and alone. My life – and the lives of my pokemon – would be ruined.

I would end up a complete and utter fuck-up.

Like my damn mother.

I let out a long sigh into the cool summer air and took another sip of the sake. I didn't want to revisit old memories. This was about Tryst.

I admit that was wrong about her.

Part of the reason I had refused to let the lizard have her way with me was because I assumed she was just trying to make me into one of her slaves. I had seen what she did to Rufio, and my other pokemon. But today, I learned that there was more to her weird salazzle brain than trickery and lust. I remembered what Rufio said to me on the bed (as the blue bastard held me in a headlock) …

You saved her from the Dark Place. You protected her when she was weak. You taught her humans could be trusted.

And that stuck with me. Even after all our tussles and antics, I still managed to get through to Tryst. She was beginning to trust me, to care about me. I had to admit: that made my heart swell with warmth. So what if the licentious lizard has … odd ways of expressing her feelings?

Maybe … maybe sex with her wasn't that bad.

"Riley, you stupid, horny fuck," I muttered, taking a long draught of sake.

Tryst was under my care – she was my responsibility. This salazzle was a homewrecker: she had already ruined a couple's engagement, and the shelters couldn't control her. It was up to me to teach this pokemon that she lived in a human world, now, and had to follow human rules. So regardless of my feelings on the subject, I had to put my foot down.

Or, at least try to …

It terrified me that even if I resolved to never fuck Tryst again, I couldn't guarentee it'd happen. She was just too determined to get in my pants. Whenever she used those pheromones, she tempted me beyond what any man should bear.

I finished my glass of sake and set it down. One thing's for certain: I had to keep my head in the game. I had over thirty pokemon that depended on me, each and every day. I had to be strong. For them. Sex or no, Tryst was still a pokemon that needed me, and dammit, I couldn't give up on her.

Not when I was starting to make real, actual progress.

The same went for Lilith. Tomorrow, I'd get to the bottom of her behavior. Maybe I'd finally find out what makes her tick.

I spent some time in silent admiration for the night, studying the stars and enjoying my buzz. Eventually, I collected my drinkware and headed inside. Rufio sat cross-legged on the other side of the door, quietly meditating. The lucario took his job way too seriously sometimes: just because I wanted to be alone didn't mean he needed to guard the door!

"Master." Rufio opened his eyes and stood up. "I trust your introspection was illuminating?"

My mind was swimming from all the sake. I roughly pet the pokemon's head. "Rufio, I just wanna let you know … I forgive you for putting me in a headlock while Tryst sucked my dick."

My lucario bowed his head. "Thank you, Master. You have eased my sorrowful heart. I will finally allow myself to eat."

I laughed. "You know what, buddy? You're all right."

"This compliment pleases me, Master."

–=-=–

I slept on my revelations, letting the knowledge stew in my brain overnight. Sleeping always seemed to help me make sense of things the next day. That morning, I pushed all salazzle-related thoughts from my mind. Today was a kadabra day.

I was equal parts fascinated and disturbed by what Lilith did.

Not the pokemon fighting – that was normal for her (the kadabr-asshole got what she deserved). I'm talking about that brief moment before her anger exploded. That look of pure horror when she realized that I knew her secret. Kadabras may have an awful case of Resting Bitch Face, but there was no mistaking the fear in her eyes.

One thing you gotta know about Lilith is that she never showed any weakness. She prided herself on her superiority: "Might makes right" was more or less her motto. So to see that moment of abject terror – no matter how brief – was worth investigating.

What did that banana-colored bitch have to be afraid of? She was an incredibly powerful psychic that could wipe my mind if she so wanted to! And now she gets skittish because, what … she caught some feels for her trainer? There had to be more to this story.

"I know," I had said to her. Those two simple words rattled her bones – I hadn't seen her this scared since I had first taken legal protection of her. That was over three years ago, and I remember it well.

I had learned about Lilith long before I took her in. This psychotic kadabra had bounced around shelters for years, and she was always "that" pokemon: the one that all the shelter workers hated and avoided. I've heard some of the incidents she caused, and they weren't pretty. Rumor has it that she was the reason for the massive fire at Saffron City Pokemon Shelter years ago, though they could never prove it.

Lilith had a history that was as impressive as it was harrowing: she was passed off dozens of times, and was even under the care of the great Dr. Fugi at one point. Nowadays, he's only known for his connection to the infamous Mewtwo Incident. But before the legendary trainer Red made that news public, Dr. Fugi was merely "Mr. Fugi" – a legendary Pokemon Rehabilitator based in Lavender Town. But if Dr. Fugi couldn't work with her, who could?

Well, me, of course. That's the very reason why I took her. I wanted to be the very best, like no one ever was … and well, you get the idea. Jokes aside, I knew that I was this pokemon's last hope. If I couldn't rehabilitate Lilith, nobody could.

So I did my research on psychic pokemon. I read up on all the pitfalls and dangers … and hell, there's a lot. I even pulled a few strings to get some personal lessons from Saffron City's very own celebrity: Sabrina, the master clairvoyant and psychic-type Gym Leader. She graciously taught me how to deal with psychic pokemon, and resist the effects of psychic domination. Granted, the lessons boiled down to Sabrina violating my mind repeatedly until I learned how to push her back, but hey … better to learn in a controlled environment rather than with a murderous pokemon. After a dozen or so training sessions, I was ready. And there was no going back.

I had to sign a dozen legal waivers just to claim Lilith. And it was for the worst reason ...

She murdered her previous owner.

I still don't know what happened. The shelter workers had their stories, and Lilith herself has told me her version, but the details always change. I think she just spins a different yarn every time, changing the story to make it relevant to whatever threat she's giving me. One time it was a forced suicide. Another time, she telekinetically shot her silver spoon through his eye. And another time, she levitated every knife in the kitchen and cut him to bits. Personally, I think she simply fried his brain with pure psychic energy. Lilith may be cruel, but she's not particularly creative.

But as scared as I was to take this pokemon into my care, my stubbornness would not be so easily broken. Within minutes of taking Lilith out of her pokeball for the first time, the spoon bitch tried to attack me. I resisted, of course … owing to Sabrina's excellent training. But the mental fatigue of our struggle caused me to lose control of my anger. I forced my way through her psychic onslaught, grabbed the kadabra by the throat, and threatened her.

I'll always remember that moment: seeing the fear in her eyes, when she had finally met a human that she couldn't intimidate or control. That was the moment that Lilith realized that her days of bullying humans into submission were over. And that's when I knew: if anyone could tame this psychotic headcase, it'd be me.

That's what I reaffirmed to myself as I walked into the training room. It was now or never. The pokeball opened with a pop, and Lilith materialized in a blue flash.

"Wake up, spoon bitch."

I was in my training room: a reinforced, padded room with a locking gate at the only exit. In the center was a square arena for mock battling. The reinforced polymer walls were pockmarked with scorches and blasts. Various training and therapy equipment were strewn around the outer perimeter: weights, resistance bands, training dummies, targets ... the room was in a constant state of mess from regular use. A single, reinforced window let in sunlight.

Lilith clutched her head. "How long has it been?"

"You've been in your pokeball since yesterday. About eighteen hours."

Lilith's claws trembled with rage. "Stupid, human-face! I told you to keep your filthy balls away from me."

Nah … I wasn't going to touch that one. "You were out of control. I had no choice."

"Where is my spoon?" she demanded.

"You know I can't let you have that."

"I need my spoon."

"You'll only grow stronger with that spoon."

"No spoon, no cooperation. Now gimmie my spoon."

I smiled, stepping aside. "I told Dusk to hide it. Why don't you ask her?"

Behind me were Dusk, Miracle, and Daisy. All three of these 'mons had their purpose: to suppress, counter, and contain Lilith's immense psychic power.

Dusk was an abandoned umbreon who had an unfortunate accident, resulting in an infection and the eventual amputation of both her hind paws. She couldn't survive on the streets of Saffron anymore, so I took her in. It takes time to learn how to walk with prosthetics, but she'll get there. Dusk was my enforcer in case things got ugly. Being a dark-type, she was immune to most psychic powers.

Miracle – or, Mira – was a ninetales with a rare genetic disorder that affected her muscle control. A veteran trainer discovered her as a stunted, emaciated vulpix, who couldn't even put up a fight when she was captured. The local shelter said it was a miracle that she was even alive. I recently evolved her, hoping the evolutionary process might ease some of her symptoms. However, she's still quite wobbly on her legs. Despite her physical limitations, Miracle had an assortment of strange, mystical abilities that could help deal with Lilith.

And finally, looking blankly ahead, was Daisy. The dimwitted slowpoke was rescued from a Team Rocket tail farm, and had a number of unusual skills, including Disable and Block. The former suppresses pokemon moves, while the latter could prevent Lilith from escaping the room. I gave Daisy the signal, and a psychic pulse radiated out from her vapid face. Everyone in this room was now trapped inside.

Lilith's eyes opened wide, knowing what the other pokemon's presence meant. "No. No therapy."

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Lilith."

Lilith shut her eyes tight, and her yellow-and-brown body quivered. She was trying to teleport. "Let me go, human-face."

I smiled. "Daisy won't release you until I tell her."

Lilith growled. "I hate the dopey face. She is the bad thing."

"Lilith, why did you act so strange when I confronted you yesterday?"

The kadabra turned her snout up in the air. "I will not talk to you. Not about that."

"Then you know what's coming."

"NO!" Lilith's telepathic voice boomed in my head. "I WILL NOT DO THERAPY!"

All three pokemon flinched at her outburst. But not me. I had to stay fearless. It was the only way to control her. "You know, it's been a few months since we last tried hypnosis … don't you miss it?"

The kadabra's bulbous tail twitched in displeasure, swishing left and right. "I said last time, if we ever did therapy again, I would break your face."

"And I said that if you ever hurt me ever again, I'd take away your spoon for good."

The kadabra hissed at me. She began to rise up the air, eyes glowing. I gave the nod to Dusk, who stepped forward with a lonesome yow, and her yellow rings glowed "Don't try it. You're outnumbered."

Various training gear began to shiver on the ground at Lilith's outburst. "I said … NO!"

The pokemon let out a blast of psychic energy. I screamed in pain as my mind's senses went into overload. Waves of purple energy surged through me and the pokemon, incapacitating us all … except Dusk.

I had to stay strong. If I caved now, Lilith would just get even more dangerous. I focused all my strength on calling out to the umbreon. "Dusk … use Bite!"

The mind of dark type pokemon were just wired differently somehow: their chaotic thought processes were like a foreign language that psychic types couldn't decipher. Dusk leaped forward on her prosthetic hind paws, looking no worse for wear as the psychic waves radiated around her. She pounced on Lilith, dragging the levitating pokemon to the ground. As the umbreon sunk her teeth into the kadabra's shoulder, Lilith cried out in pain. The kadabra was forced to relent. Her psychic powers relaxed and the training equipment fell still.

Groaning in pain, I sat up, my head pounding: it felt like a herd of tauros were stampeding in my brain. I checked my nose and ears for bleeding, thankfully finding none. "Lilith, you absolute bitch."

Dusk continued to pin the kadabra down. "That's enough, girl. Let her stand up." Obediently, the umbreon did as ordered, but not before dismissively flicking her tail in Lilith's face.

Lilith levitated back into the air, refusing to make eye contact as she rubbed her sore shoulder carapace. "Bad face. Wicked face. No therapy. Gimme my spoon."

I shook my head and blinked several times, trying to clear my mind. "Don't be a wimp, Lilith. You don't like hypnosis because it's the only time you're vulnerable."

The kadabra stomped her clawed feet on the floor. "Don't make me use my full power, human!"

"Hey, we don't have to do therapy … if you tell me why you were so spooked."

"No!"

I sighed. "Lilith, like it or not, I'm here to help you. You've been under my care longer than nearly any other pokemon here, and you've resisted every form of behavioral therapy that I've tried. Most trainers would have given up on you now. But not me. Because somewhere in that yellow, star-headed noggin of yours, there's a pokemon that deserves to be loved. And I'm going to love you, dammit!"

The kadabra tried to teleport out. But all she could manage was a twitch of her body and a fizzling sound. "I do not want your love, human-face! Let me go!"

I shook my head. "I don't care how uncomfortable this makes you: yesterday, I discovered something that pushes your buttons for the first time in years. I have to investigate this, Lilith. It could be the breakthrough I've been looking for."

"I will use my full power, and it will murder your face! Murder, murder! Like my owner. Hollow, empty, spirit gone. Your face will be a husk, a shell, a dead thing!" She tried to teleport again, and again, and again – each attempt ending in the same result: a twitch of her body, a fizzling of energy, then nothing.

"Lilith, I'm doing this for your own good! Stop fighting me!"

Lilith whimpered, and she buried her snout in her claws. "Why can't you just leave me alone, human-face? Let me be!"

"Because, despite your attempts to make my life hell, I'm not going to do what every other human has done, and give up on you."

"Stubborn face, foolish face! I don't want your help."

"I don't care, dammit! I'm not going to abandon you."

The kadabra's eyes glimmered. "You are foolish and weak. I've seen your memories, human-face. You hide behind pathetic, childish sentiment! You think you can make up for what she did–"

"You leave my FUCKING CHILDHOOD out of this!" My fists clenched with rage. I turned to the ninetales. "Mira, use Hypnosis!"

The ninetales yipped in affirmation. Her red eyes began to glow.

"No no no!" the kadabra's eyes grew to the size of saucers. "Do not want!"

The kadabra's eyes glowed as well, and the two pokemon fought a battle of psychic will. And I knew that Mira would lose that battle quickly. "Daisy, hit Lilith with Confusion!"

"Yawww …" the Slowpoke groaned, and a pulsing purple wave hit the kadabra. It didn't hurt Lilith that much, but it was enough to break her concentration, allowing Mira to get through.

"No no no no no! No! No! No! No. No. No … no ... noooooooo …"

Slowly, the kadabra's triangular eyes shut, her bulbous yellow tail relaxed, and she became as peaceful and still as a sleeping snorlax. Man, I loved this part. Watching her calm down like that, no matter how hard she tried to resist … the satisfaction was real. I could punch her in that obnoxious red star marking on her forehead if I wanted to, and she'd just … float there and take it. And believe me, I'm pretty damn tempted right now.

I pulled up a stool and sat in front of the levitating pokemon. It was time to begin the hypnotic induction. "Now Lilith, listen carefully to my voice. I will speak slowly, and I want you to pay attention to every word. You are falling deep, deep into a cloud. The warm, fluffiness of the cloud wraps around you. The cloud is soft and comforting. You feel relaxed."

The kadabra began to levitate higher in the air. "Cloud …"

"You sink in further, and the cloud molds to your shape. It's so soft, so warm. You feel your muscles relaxing, your mind clearing. Do you feel the cloud, Lilith?"

"Yesss …"

"Good. Let the cloud caress you. Let it snuggle you. Focus on how safe and secure you feel. Focus on the warm, comforting sensation of the cloud as you sink in deeper. Let the cloud envelop you completely. You are at peace."

"Peeeeeace …"

"Good." I sat back in my stool and crossed a leg over my knee. "You will be asked some questions, and you will answer them. "

"Answer."

"You will cooperate."

"Cooperate."

"And you will not lie."

"No lies."

"Good. Now, let's start with a simple question. Are you a machop?"

"No."

"What are you?"

"Kadabra."

"Are you a bitch?"

"Yes."

I couldn't help but grin. "Do I deserve all the vitriol you spew at me?"

"Yes."

I frowned. "Why?"

"Hate you."

Well, at least she's being truthful. "Tell me about yesterday. When I confronted you after my bike ride."

"Fear. Anger. Hate."

"What were you angry about?"

"Secret no more."

I sighed. "And your secret is that you're attracted to me?"

"Yes."

"Why are you attracted to me, Lilith?"

"I like … when you push me around."

"What!?" I gawked. So Rufio was right!

"I said … I like ... when you push me around."

"For fucks sake," I muttered. "Don't tell me that underneath all that aggression and frigidity, you secretly love to be dominated …"

Lilith shifted in place as she hovered in the air. "No. Not dominated. Not humiliated. Reassured, comforted. Your assertiveness. Fearlessness. It comforts."

"What do you mean?"

"When you don't show fear … at my powers. Makes me feel … good."

"Explain further."

"When you get in my face … when you shout at me … you're not afraid ... turns me on."

My cheeks blushed. "Okay, Lilith. I get it."

"When you get angry ... when you put your hands on me … makes my nub throb, makes my slit wet. Mmmmmm …"

"Lilith, that's enough!"

The kadabra flinched, but said nothing. Behind me, I heard Mira give an inquisitive yowl. I turned around to see her looking at me strangely, and I realized with horror that Lilith was broadcasting her thoughts to everyone.

I felt my cheeks run hot. "What are you looking at, Miracle?" I shouted in embarrassment, and the ninetales fell over on her wobbly paws. I turned back to the kadabra. "Focus, Lilith. Why were you so afraid to tell me all of this? Were you just embarrassed?"

"No. Not embarrassed."

"Were you worried that you would lose your control over me?"

"Yes … but not why I was scared."

"Then why were you so spooked? Are you afraid I might reciprocate?"

"No. I want that. I dream about that. I touch myself thinking about that."

"I, uh … okay then, so what's really bothering you about these feelings?"

Lilith flinched and said nothing.

"Lilith, you're my pokemon. I want to help you, just like every other pokemon here. Help me out."

"I … can't …"

"Lilith! Are you … terrified to be attracted to me?"

Lilith shuddered.

I scooted my stool forward. "Is that it? You're scared of your own feelings. Why?"

Lilith began to babble. "Ababababa … ababababa … abababa …" Her throaty, raspy voice always sounded so strange to me: way less feminine than the telepathic voice she preferred to communicate with.

"Lilith, focus."

"Yes."

"Will you answer my questions?"

"Yes."

"Good. Are you scared of your own feelings for me?"

"Ababa … ababababa …"

I clenched my fists. "Lilith! Answer my question!"

"Yes."

"What's the square of one thousand four hundred and twenty one?"

"Two million nineteen thousand two hundred and forty one."

"What am I thinking right now?"

"You calling me … spoon bitch."

"Good. Now, why were you scared that I confronted you about your secret desire?"

"Abababababababa …"

"Damnit!" I slammed my fist on my knee. Was she somehow resisting the hypnosis? I nudged her gently on her brown shoulder, and she didn't even react. No, the pokemon was completely entranced: still and calm, oblivious to the outside world.

"Lilith, did you put a mental block on yourself?"

"Yes."

Of course! A mental block was damn clever, I'll give her that. It means that Lilith knew this conversation might happen eventually. She took precautions, covering up some of her memories with a predetermined response, so that I couldn't access them even if she were hypnotised. I wondered how long she had prepared for this moment.

"How do I bypass your mental block, Lilith?"

"I cannot tell you … what you want."

"Why?"

"Because …" the kadabra flinched. "I'm … scared."

"Why are you scared, Lilith?"

The kadabra whimpered. "Because … because … I can't…"

"You can do it, Lilith! Come on!"

Her triangular ears flicked back and forth. "I can't … I can't …

Lilith shuddered, and shuddered more. And then it wasn't just her. I felt the shuddering in my mind, too. The window began to rattle, all the training equipment began to rise off the floor.

"I can't … I can't … I can't …"

"Lilith, calm down!"

The pokemon behind me began to cry out in fear. Even the slowpoke noticed something was up.

Waves of psychic energy radiated out from the kadabra, buzzing in my mind, giving me a headache. The lights flickered, the clock on the wall began moving backward. Training weights and dummies bands began to swirl around the pokemon, threatening to damage anything in the room.

"I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't …"

"Lilith!" I staggered to my feet, groaning in pain as waves of psychic energy radiated out from her forehead. I couldn't even take a step forward. My mind felt like it was caught in a vice. "Dusk, wake her up!"

The umbreon mewed confidently. As a dark type, she wasn't affected by Lilith's psychic blasts. The jet-black pokemon deftly leaped through the swirling objects, tackled Lilith to the ground, and headbutted her in the stomach.

Lilith gasped as the air was forced out of her lungs. Her eyes scrunched closed, and she screamed: a throaty, inhuman wail that only a kadabra could make. There, in the split-second twilight between deep hypnosis and wakefulness, I heard a resounding roar in my head: a voice so loud that it hurt my brain. And it wasn't Lilith's.

LET ME GO … LET ME GO … LET ME GO …

LILITH … LILITH!

LET ME GO!

I felt the words resonate through my whole body, and with it came a rush of rage, sadness, and terror. The emotions were so sudden, so forceful that I inexplicably joined Lilith in the screaming, and both Mira and Daisy wailed as well.

And then, the kadabra came to. Her eyes fluttered open, and the voice in my mind stopped. The room grew still, all the training gear fell to the floor with heavy thuds.

"What … the hell … what that?" I groaned, clutching my head.

Lilith clutched her head in her claws. "What did you do, human? My head feels … as vapid as … a slowpoke's."

Daisy yawned.

"Lilith, I heard something when you woke up. Like another voice. It wasn't yours. What was that?"

Lilith reacted immediately: bolting up in a rage. "YOU HEARD HER VOICE!?" The pokemon immediately launched herself at me, propelling herself through the air like a bullet. The kadabra throttled my neck, snarling.

"Hey, what the–" Gagging, I pried the pokemon's frail claws from my esophagus. "Calm down, Lilith!"

The enraged pokemon began clawing at my chest, ripping my shirt. "THAT IS FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE! TAKE IT BACK, TAKE IT BACK!"

Grunting, I threw the pokemon off me, thankful that kadabras weren't known for their physical strength. Before she could do anything else, I unhooked her pokeball from my belt and pressed the button. The latch sprung open, Lilith became shrouded in a blue light, and the enraged pokemon was sucked inside.

Finally, the room was quiet. I stood in shock for a moment, heart racing and neck throbbing. Lilith's ball jiggled in my hands for a moment, before finally becoming still.

I put my hand to my neck. "Mira, is my neck bleeding?" I turned around, and saw Miracle on the floor. The beige-furred fox pokemon whimpered in distress, her legs and tails twisting every which way.

"Oh no … Miracle!"

As a part of her genetic disorder, Miracle suffered from seizures. If she got spooked or too excited, her whole body could start thrashing, and sometimes she couldn't stop it. I quickly laid down next to her and wrapped her up in my arms, so she wouldn't hurt herself. "It's okay, Mira! I got you, I got you …"

The ninetales whined as her four legs shivered, paws flailing in the air. The poor pokemon sounded like she was in so much pain! I pet her body all over, working my fingers into her insulating fur and massaging her tense muscles. Her nine tails quivered and thrashed, sending stray fur everywhere. "Relax, Mira, Relax. Don't fight it, don't fight it! Stay calm. Relax those muscles as best you can. It will pass, I promise."

Miracle whined pitifully. Flames gnashed from between her clenched teeth. Her entire body began to heat up, causing me to sweat. "No no no no! Mira, you have to calm down. Don't Overheat! You gotta relax: don't fight it, girl! You can do it!"

But she wasn't doing it. Not this time. I had to think of something before she started a fire. I looked up and saw Dusk had retreated to the far corner of the room, looking stiff and uncertain at what had happened. And the slowpoke … was a slowpoke. Daisy hadn't moved an inch, though Lilith's outburst had clearly terrified her, as she had wet herself.

"Come over here, Dusk! It's okay. I promise!" I grunted as the ninetales seized in my arms.

The umbreon didn't budge. Ever since being abandoned, Dusk has had trouble learning to trust humans again. We had been working on command-based attacks the past few months, but a thrashing ninetales was uncharted territory for her.

"Dusk, please!" I begged. "I need you. I need your help."

Dusk let out a timid mew, and her tail swished back and forth anxiously.

By now, the seizing ninetales was radiating powerful heat waves. I did my best to hold her still. And her insulating fur reflected all the heat back into me. I felt like I was hugging an oven. My skin tingled with pain. Sweat soaked my shirt.

"Dusk! Listen: Miracle is going to literally explode if you don't do something. Please, girl – you're the only one who can help."

Reluctantly, the umbreon took a step forward, then another. Her prosthetic hind paws clicked on the floor. I reached out with one hand and coaxed her to me. "Come on, Dusk! Don't be afraid! It's okay!"

When she was within range, I grabbed hold of the umbreon's scruff and gently pulled her closer. "Dusk is here, Mira. She's here for you too. Relax, girl … open your eyes. Come on … look into Dusk's eyes. Good. Now, Dusk? Use Charm on her."

The umbreon's eyes glowed with a strange power. Her red irises opened wide, her ears fell back cutely, she let out an endearing, high-pitched mew. Suddenly, I was looking at the most adorable pokemon in the entire world. Awww! Look at that cute widdle face! That wiggling sniffer, those adorable whooskers, those floofen feeties with their widdle piddle pads!

Why were my arms burning with pain, again?

Mira stared back into Dusk's eyes, transfixed. Overcome with adoration, a calmness swept over the nintetales, and her seizing muscles began to grow limp. "There you go, there you go, Mira, relax, girl. Relaxxx …"

Slowly, Miracle's nine tails fell on the floor. Her paws drew close to her panting chest. And finally, her entire body relaxed. I rubbed her behind the ears. "Good girl, Mira. I knew you could do it! And thank you, Dusk …" I moved to pet the umbreon, and she ducked away from my touch.

I stayed with the exhausted Ninetales for several minutes, whispering encouragement into her triangular ears. The pokemon was too exhausted to move, and her furry chest heaved rapidly as she panted hard to cool down. Once I was sure that Miracle was okay, I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling of the training room, sighing with exhaustion.

My arms and chest burned. They were red with thermal irritation. Ugh, I hated burns – more painful than poison, by far. Where were my Burn Heals?

"Okay, that's enough for the session. Let's get you girls a treat, then you can go play outside."

–=-=–

A thousand questions fluttered through my mind. I didn't even know where to begin. Let's start with the most obvious one …

What the ABSOLUTE FUCK just happened?

I've never seen Lilith act like that in my life. The way she pleaded with me not to start the hypnosis therapy … that was so unlike her. At first I thought it was just a ploy, that she was trying to appeal to my pity or something. But no: that was something the pokemon desperately did not want me to see.

So it was true: the kadabra was secretly attracted to me. But not for the reasons I expected. Something about how I stood up to her outbursts turned her on, made her feel safe and trusted. And yet, her own attraction also terrified her. Why? Pokemon don't really feel shame over sex stuff like we humans do. And the reaction was too visceral to be a simple matter of pride. There had to be something else. Something deep, something emotional. Was that second voice a manifestation of her subconscious lust? I didn't know. This stuff was beyond me.

But one thing was for certain: something about Lilith's subconscious was so utterly terrifying to her, that she had taken precautions to never let it out again. I've heard of mental blocks before – usually in psychotherapy for humans, administered by professional psychics and their pokemon. But I had no idea you could perform one on yourself! Such a thing sounded extremely dangerous: one stray thought or lapse in concentration could end up with you wiping your own memory. I can't imagine what kind of psychic voodoo was required for such mental gymnastics. Lilith must be either very skilled, or very desperate.

Either way, I was in over my head. As experienced and talented as I was, psychic pokemon were simply not my forte. I needed to fight fire with fire.

I needed Sabrina.

Yeah, that Sabrina.

But I'd have to wait for tomorrow to get her involved – I was swamped with work today, what with thirty one other pokemon that needed my attention. First, I had a scheduled event on my calendar: a trip to the local poke park. I do this three days a week, taking them in groups of ten. It's important that my pokemon get out of my fenced yard sometimes, so they don't feel like they're in prison.

And later was one of my least favorite activities: bath day.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to wash thirty two pokemon? And to nobody's surprise, fire types are the WORST. Miracle was miserable, Rex and BB hid from me all day, and Scorn will still be pissed at me tomorrow! It's surprising how musky a big ol' charizard can get. Many kinds of pokemon have these anal glands under their tail that … well, most folk probably don't want to know.

Much later that night, Rufio found me in the family room, watching everyone's favorite police drama: The Officer Jenny Files. I was exhausted, sore, and was binging hard tonight. Rufio climbed up on the couch and said nothing at first. He leaned against me, then wrapped one of his paws around my chest for a snuggle. I smiled. The blue pupper probably read my aura and saw how drained I was from the events of today. Damn do I love lucarios. I pet him behind the ears as we watched the show.

This episode was a 2-parter about a masked predator who would target young trainers on route 15, and detailed all the cool forensic work needed to catch him. Each story in the show was based on a true police case, though who knows how many details have been embellished …

My lucario stayed silent until the end. As the credits rolled, he finally spoke up with that solemn telepathic voice of his. "How did the Angry Banana's therapy go, Master?"

I let out a heavy sigh. "It was very worrying. I'm seeing sides of Lilith I've never seen before. Scary sides."

"I was outside the window, monitoring her aura for your protection," Rufio said. Because of course he would – loyal to a fault! "And what I felt confused me. For a moment, I sensed two auras within the Angry Banana – and the other was … I do not know how to describe it. It was not a normal aura. It felt bad. Unnatural. Fragmented. Full of agony and despair. When I felt it, I wanted to scream. I do not know what is going on."

"Neither do I, little buddy … neither do I."

"What do you think the Angry Banana is hiding?"

"I don't know. To be honest, I'm left with more questions than answers. Gonna call up an old friend tomorrow, to see if she can help."

"At least you learned something very important: you learned what turns the Angry Banana on."

"Wait, how did you–"

"She broadcasted those thoughts to everyone, Master. We all heard it."

I blushed. "Well, I don't see how that's gonna help me."

"On the contrary, Master. You can use that to your advantage, and find out what the Angry Banana is hiding."

"Rufio, you actually want me to come on to her?"

"Yes, Master."

I sat up, breaking the cuddle with my pokemon. "Rufio, what is it with you trying to hook me up with my pokemon? First Tryst, and now Lilith?"

Rufio looked away. "Mating feels good, Master. And it serves other purposes, too. Must you limit your training options because you find it embarrassing? Do not be so foolish."

"You're asking me to get intimate with LILITH, of all pokemon! She'd be more likely to fry my brain then allow me between her legs."

"Master, if there is one thing the Demon Lizard has taught me, it is that lust can overpower all other emotions."

"Ruf …" I stared at the pokemon. "Don't be ridiculous. Pheromones are one thing … but you're talking about seducing a kadabra in order to get her to talk. And don't even think about asking Tryst to help."

My lucario kept his chin high in defiance. "The Angry Banana's desire for you is the center of this problem. You must unravel it by attacking the source. I am sure of it."

"I am NOT going to perform sex therapy on a kadabra!"

"You know it could work, Master."

"I never said that."

Rufio nodded. "But you feel it. Therefore, I see it. The power of aura cannot lie."

I grumbled. "I'll see what Sabrina thinks, first."

A lull followed and I spaced out, half-paying attention to the advertisements on screen. Silph-co was coming out with a new type of pokeball: the Super Ball. I didn't really care what it could do … call me old-fashioned, but if you can't catch a pokemon with a regular ol' pokeball, then the pokemon simply wasn't ready to be caught. Seems like trainers nowadays save up to buy all the expensive balls that are harder to break out of, completely forgetting that pokemon should only be captured willingly.

Rufio let out a big sigh through his nose, and it seemed the pokemon had something to get off his spiked chest. "Master, I noticed there was one pokemon you didn't bathe today."

I immediately tensed up. "There were a few I didn't get to, including you. So what?"

"Do not lie, Master. You have been avoiding the Demon Lizard ever since she mated you."

"Ugh!" I ruffled my hair. "I don't want to talk about this, Ruf."

"You kept her in her ball since yesterday. I had to let her out for dinner."

"We needed some distance."

"You did not even tell me she was in there."

"You were still conked out from the fight with Lilith."

"You put her ball on the top shelf, out of my reach."

"I had a busy day today, what with Lilith going crazy on me. I needed her out of my head."

"She was not happy. I had to talk her out of hunting you down."

"Thank you, Ruf."

My lucario did not look happy at my praise. "Master, how could you do that to her and not tell me? We are partners."

I shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd let her out."

"It goes against your training to punish a pokemon by confining them to their ball."

"Hey, I had to keep that latios in the ball clamp, remember?"

"You confined the Blue Bully because he was violent. You confined the Demon Lizard because of your own embarrassment." My lucario looked at me in the eyes. "I am very disappointed in you, Master. You are better than this."

I looked away, unable to maintain eye contact. "I punished her because she enslaved an army of pokemon to hold me down while she had her way with me."

"So you are punishing her for wanting to mate with you."

"YES! I mean, no!" I ruffled my hair – again. "For Arceus' sake, Tryst raped me. Don't you realize how wrong that was? I can't encourage that behavior."

"Master, I believe you are upset only because you feel like you are supposed to be. The Demon Lizard made you curious. And you won't let yourself admit it because you worry what other humans might think. But in this house, Master, you are the only one who worries. I would know."

"She fucking raped me, Rufio!"

"Your aura told me that you wanted it."

I shoved my lucario away from me. "Shut the hell up!"

My lucario fell back to the opposite side of the couch and looked up at me with hurt eyes. I felt bad. I tried to focus on The Officer Jenny Files, but the words buzzing from the TV were like an incomprehensible murmur. I was breathing heavily through my nose, too riled up to relax. I glanced at my lucario out of the corner of my eyes. His eyes were closed and his aura stalks twitched as he investigated my aura.

I didn't want to say it out loud, but I knew my lucario was right. It's just … Arceus, she's a pokemon! I deflated my anger with a sigh. "I … I'm sorry, Ruf."

Rufio opened his eyes slowly. "No, I apologize, Master. I thought you were ready for this conversation. But you were not."

I held my hand out. "It's okay, buddy. I apologize for shoving you."

My lucario did not accept my invitation to cuddle. "Your aura tells me that you need to explore your feelings more before we talk about this again."

"I don't know, buddy. I just …" I sighed. "I'm a little high-strung about this topic, okay"

My lucario cocked his head, causing his long ears to flop cutely. "Master, can you do me one favor?"

"What?"

"Can you admit to yourself, that you enjoyed mating the Demon Lizard?"

I crossed my arms over my chest and avoided eye contact. "Ruf, there's more to sex than just 'did you like it or not'. When it comes to sex, humans are … complicated."

I knew Rufio wouldn't understand. At least, not fully. Lucarios may be able to read emotions, but that didn't mean they fully understood them.

"Master, your aura radiated desire for her. Do not avoid the question."

I threw my hands in the air. "It was the pheromones, okay? They made me so sensitive. The lust I felt was overpowering. And she worked harder to make me cum than most the girls I've been with. Fuck, I'd never orgasmed that hard in my life. There, are you happy!?"

My lucario showed a rare smile. "Yes, Master."

"But that doesn't mean I can't regret it afterwards!"

"Your mind and your body are diametrically opposed. That is the source of your turbulent aura."

I playfully rubbed my pokemon on the head. "Diametrically opposed … where did you even learn that phrase, you silly pupper?"

The solemn pokemon grabbed my hand and squeezed in in his paws. "I want to help put your aura in alignment, Master."

I sighed. "I don't need help with this, Rufio. I just need you to keep being the loyal, loving pokemon you always are."

The pokemon closed his eyes and thought for a moment. Wrapping my arm around him, I turned my attention back to the TV.

After a short while, my lucario got to his feet. "I have decided that I must punish myself."

"Come back here, Ruf. You didn't do anything wrong."

My lucario took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He let it out with a heavy sigh. "No, I must punish myself for what I am about to do."

I immediately tensed up in the couch cushions. "... Rufio?"

"It is obvious, Master: you need sex therapy as much as the Angry Banana does." In a flash, my pokemon dashed out of the living room.

"RUFIO, GET BACK HERE!" I shot up and gave chase. I didn't even make it out of the living room before I heard the distinctive sound of a pokeball being opened. By the time I made it to the rack of pokeballs next to the back door, Tryst was already fully materialized.

Standing before me was a bipedal lizard some three feet tall. She was covered in black scales, but her underbelly was displayed a strikingly vivid pink and purple flame patterning. Her shockingly feminine eyes narrowed, and her long tongue ran across the lips of her narrow, black snout.

"Grrrrn, hssss!" the salazzle growled.

"I told her to not judge you, Master. That it is not your fault: human feelings are complex, and you haven't figured out yours yet. The Demon Lizard understands, but is still angry at you."

I held out my hand. "Give me her ball, Ruf."

My lucario took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He let it out with a heavy sigh. "No."

I raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

Rufio clutched Tryst's pokeball to his furry chest. "I said no, Master."

My heart sunk in my chest. "You … you're disobeying me?"

"It is for your own good, Master. I care about you. And I believe that accepting your feelings will align your turbulent aura."

"Rufio, I am NOT one of my pokemon that have issues that need fixing. I am your trainer!"

"Human or pokemon: everyone has issues in need of fixing, Master."

My lucario then dashed through the back door, into the dark night. With Tryst's pokeball clutched between his paws.

"RUFIO!" I stepped forward, and Tryst positioned between me and the door. The black-scaled lizard swayed her long tail menacingly, already spreading around her pheromones. I instinctively tucked my nose under my shirt, despite knowing it wouldn't do much good in the long run.

My chest immediately tightened. "Hi, Tryst! Hiiiii … uh, sorry for keeping you in your ball the last … um, entire day."

Tryst snorted a puff of acrid smoke from her nostrils.

"Listen, no hard feelings, okay? Look, I'm a respected Pokemon Rehabilitator with a very important reputation to maintain, and you're a smutty sex lizard hellbent on seducing everything that moves. Two different worlds, baby. We're just not compatible."

The lizard's shadowy eyes narrowed. "Raah sssiss grn thzl."

"You're not even my permanent owner, remember? Some day, you'll have a forever home, and you can seduce him or her as much as you want. But while you're here, we have some ground rules. And rule number one is no fucking your trainer."

The salazzle took a step forward, gnashing her maw.

I took a step back. "You broke that rule, Tryst. I can't let you do whatever you want around here. I'm the trainer. I make the rules."

A husky growl welled up in the salazzles' throat.

Uh oh. She didn't like that.

The lizard pounced. The force of her fifty pound body caused me to tumble back into the kitchen. I cried out in pain as my momentum caused me to bend backwards over the countertop. I twisted around and doubled over, and the salazzle dragged me down onto the kitchen tile. She quickly mounted my chest back-to-front, her slender arms grabbing my hips. Before I knew what was happening, the pokemon wrapped her thick lizard tail around my neck, squeezing as wafts of pheromones rolled off her scales. I began to cough as the musky, sickly-sweet scent invaded my nostrils.

Salazzle pheromones had a certain quality to them: a thick, spicy, zesty odor … the kind that makes you recoil, like getting a nose full of garlic. You know when you get that feeling that you're about to sneeze, but it never happens? That's EXACTLY what a concentrated dose of this shit does to you. That's why I hated the smell. You know, aside from the …

The uncontrollable boner and mind-controlling adoration.

Somewhere from outside, I heard Rufio's telepathic voice in my head. "Good luck, Master. I instructed her to go easy on you."

I gagged as the lizard's tail tightened around my neck. "If this is going easy on me – gurrk! – I'm in trouble!"

I grasped at the tail around my neck, trying to pull it away. The damn thing was pure muscle. It was like trying to wrestle an ekans! Tryst growled as she let me breathe just enough to take in her disgusting scent. She wasted no time in sitting down on my chest, moving her long-fingered hands to my crotch. I felt the scaly pokemon grope me roughly, no doubt looking forward to getting my clothes off.

"Ffffuck!" I shouted. I could already feel her love drug starting to whisper indecent thoughts into my mind. I've already done it with her once. What's so wrong about a second time? You know how incredible she can make you feel. Nobody has to know ...

And you know what?

Fuck it.

Maybe Rufio was right. Maybe I needed this.

I tapped out, patting the lizard's scaly haunches. "Alright, alright! You win, Tryst. Just go easy on the pheromones this time!"

The lizard growled and tightened her tail, not sure if she could trust me. I slid my hands down to my pants. That caught the salazzle's attention, and she nosed her snout into my jeans before I had even fully unzipped. I felt the pokemon's tongue lash out, trying to get under my boxers. Fuck, what was I doing? Having sex with a pokemon … AGAIN! No, no: calm down, don't think about it, just go with it ...

The black-scaled reptile took deep breaths, inhaling my scent with a lustful growl. The smell of human musk excited her, made her slit wet. I could feel that wetness through my shirt as she wiggled her crotch against my chest. I was shamefully turned on by that, as well as the impatient, animalistic nuzzling of my boxers. Her feral desire felt so wrong, yet so exotic and electrifying. I felt the salazzle's warm tongue slip underneath, finding my growing manhood. Areceus, here we go …

Tryst churred affectionately as I slid my pants down. Appeased by the effort I showed, her tail loosened around my neck, allowing me to breathe comfortably.

"Thanks, Tryst," I groaned, coughing.

Then with a flex of her haunches, the salazzle slid her hips backwards, scales sliding across skin until her slit was hovering right over me.

"Tryst .. wait, no-mffph!"

The fiesty salazzle mashed that scaly lizard slit against my face, smothering me between her hind legs. I coughed and sputtered, which only filled my lungs with more of her intoxicating scent. The smell was overwhelming back here, near the source, and my mind went foggy with arousal. I began to cough as the musky perfume tickled my nostrils.

Ugh, it was so STRONG!

I coughed. "Tryst, I –" I coughed again. "– I said, go easy on the pheromones!"

The lizard growled. She shuddered her hips, wafting even more of the gas. I began to panic as I breathed more of it in, and thrashed under her.

"Master, your aura. Do not fight your feelings. Relax, let the Demon Lizard love you. She will not hurt you. Too much."

"T-thanks for the pep talk, Ruf!" I shouted, not even knowing if the blue bastard could hear me. "Why don't you go punish yourself, like you said you would?"

"I am, Master."

I tried my best to relax. What's the worst that could happen, aside becoming enslaved by a stinky musk lizard? If I'm lucky, all I'll end up with will be a bruised ego and a slew of embarrassing memories that I'll cringe at every night for the rest of my life.

The salazzle's pheromones were so concentrated that my vision began to spin. I thought I'd be better prepared to resist the stinky lizard's spell this time. But Arceus, I could feel myself slipping quicker than ever. The attraction was irresistible, like the pull of a magnet. I tried to push back against her hips, desperate to get some room between my face and that disgusting lizard slit … that filthy reptile vent … that oddly supple scaled vulva … that strangely enticing cloven mound … That pink scaly fuckhole begging to be licked ….

FUCK I hate pheromones!

The salazzle growled tauntingly, and I knew the scaly bitch was enjoying this for multiple reasons. I could imagine the smug, satisfied look on her snout as she dominated her trainer, and the mental image made my blood boil. Make no mistake: she was going to have her fun with me tonight. I hated it. And I hated that I wanted it. I felt the urge – no, the need to pleasure. To give this wonderful salazzle the attention she so wanted from me ...

And the damn lizard wasn't going to let me go until I gave it to her. Ugh, could I really put my tongue in there? Who knows how many pokemon dicks have been inside her recently?

"Gzl gruu," Tryst growled, wiggling her hips. I didn't need a translator for that one: hurry up and start licking!

Bracing myself for disgust, I pushed my lips against her hot-pink labial scales, and gave the scaly lizard slit a lick.

Just one quick lick.

And then another …

And another ...

And a few more ...

I smacked my lips at the tangy, earthy flavor. Arceus, I was licking a pokemon's vagina! I had salazzle fluids on my tongue! Why couldn't I stop? Why did I want more? Fuck me.

By tomorrow morning, I'd be back to convincing myself how absolutely wrong all this was. I had to keep my cool. As long as I could separate my real thoughts from the ones her pheromones gave me, I could get through this without losing my sanity. I just needed to focus, focus. Come on, Riley. You can do this. Don't give in completely. You can't let the lizard win.

Tryst growled with approval at the prodding tongue on her vent. I hiked up her thick tail and drove my tongue past her hot pink labial scales, plunging into the warm cavern within. I pressed my face against her scaly crotch as I penetrated her feminine depths. She was so soft on my tongue that it made my dick jealous. So what if the outside looked different from a human? The inside was just as wonderful, if not more …

As I grew bolder, the salazzle churred with even greater pleasure, wiggling her hips in wonderful ways. I heard the steady churring noises from Tryst's throat as I lapped at her entrance, and my heart fluttered to know that I was pleasing her. Within moments I was moaning into her slit as I lapped up and down her cloven entrance, finding nothing but delicious fluids and intoxicating musk. I delighted in the softness of her folds, feeling her inner vent spread on my tongue. My hands wandered, loving the feeling of the tiny, pebbly scales around her hips and groin. Every part of this lizard's body was perfect: her full hips, her slender waist, the smooth curves of her thighs … my fingers couldn't get enough of her scaly curves.

Tryst's tail tightened around my neck, keeping my face mashed against her crotch. Her long-fingered hands held me down by the hips, grasping, squeezing, scratching my thighs and stomach … teasing me with how close she was getting to my cock. But the salazzle did not pleasure me. The damn lizard was dominating me in ways that only a salazzle could. I was going to give her a thorough scolding later. Or maybe just talk to her. That is, if that's what she wanted. Maybe I shouldn't dare contest her … no, it's not my place … I deserved this treatment … I was happy to receive this punishment.

I couldn't believe I was eating out a pokemon right here on the kitchen floor. I buried my face in the tiny, bumpy scales between her tailbase and thighs, inhaling her intoxicating scent and enjoying the musky smell. The more I licked, the more I wanted to lick. Her heady flavor had me grossed out at first, yet now I could only describe it as complex and magical. The salazzle's musky fluids were perfection on my tongue, like the very flavor completed me–

Ugh – how could I think that about a pokemon's pussy! "I hate you, Tryst," I muttered between licks. "I fucking hate-mmmf!"

The salazzle pressed her slit harder against my lips, growling playfully as she smothered me. My tongue reacted on instinct, yearning to delve deeper into her wonderful, snug vent. I felt her tighten around my tongue, causing me to moan and my dick to throb. I wanted to feel those quivering muscles of her, feel her vent clench as she gushed her delectable salazzle fluids into my mouth.

Tryst was enjoying herself immensely – of that I was sure, based on sound alone. She groaned and grunted, growled and churred. Those noises were a delightful symphony to my love-drunk mind. Her scaly hips wiggled salaciously on my face, and the exotic, precisely serpentine movement turned me on. She kept a tight grip of my neck with her tail, but the tip curled up to caress my cheek, almost like a taunt.

My dick ached with need, but the lizard still refused to give me pleasure. That's okay: I would gladly bear it. For her. She was my pokemon, my lover, my mistr–nngh

Come on, Riley! You may be lovestruck by a stinky musk lizard riding your face, but dammit, you still had your pride.

I had to finish her off as quickly as possible, before the pheromones corrupted me even further. I gently pushed back the nub-like scute protecting her clitoris, and the thing popped out of its hood in an instant. The pointed, horn-shaped clit was half the size of my thumb, and throbbed with need. I didn't even think it was weird anymore: I immediately wrapped my lips around it, and Tryst threw her head back at once, gasping with pleasure as she bucked her hips back into my face. I suckled that firm horn of flesh like a nipple, and the reptilian pokemon was suddenly overcome with pleasure. Her entire body tensed, and a throaty groan escaped her scaly lips.

The pokemon leaned forward onto all fours, arching her back and panting hard out of her mouth. Her reptilian body shook and shivered as pleasure blossomed between her legs. I slipped my fingers up her soaking wet vent, rocking them in and out. I felt her internal muscles squeezing me, like they didn't want them to leave. Every twitch of her little lizard clit encouraged me, and my cock throbbed with a painfully hard erection. I had never enjoyed eating a girl out this much. Tryst's slit seemed like an infinitely fascinating hole that I could happily explore for hours. The supple scales on the outside, the warm, wetness on the inside, and that massive, pointed clitoris was begging for attention! Her tangy, musky juices trickled down my cheeks and I didn't even care anymore.

I wrapped my other hand around the base of her thick, reptilian tail, steadying the pokemon as she writhed and grinded in ecstasy. It wouldn't be long, now. The fire and poison type whimpered and groaned as pleasure wracked her lithe, lizard body. Her lust reached a fever pitch, and steam began to lift off her scales. I felt it in her clit, first: the horn-like nub began to swell even harder between my lips, and I flicked my tongue across it steadily. Next, her dripping vent began to slacken, allowing my fingers to prod even deeper.

"Rahh … rzl … grrr!"

Tryst's reptilian growls filled the kitchen as the lizard worked through her orgasm. Her vent contracted powerfully, and the pokemon gushed her juices all over my mouth. The muscle spasms caused by her orgasm kept me trapped under her, and I struggled to breathe. I steadied the thrashing salazzle as best I could as I suckled her throbbing clit. Her writing muscles couldn't stop me from pleasuring this beautiful pokemon. Even as her pink-scaled backside humped harder and harder against my face, I never wanted her orgasm to end; I wanted to keep pleasuring and pleasuring my little lust lizard until the end of time. I loved her so mu–-

WHAP!

Tryst bucked her hips hard, and slammed her crotch down onto my face. I felt a sharp, tingly pain in my nose. Warm liquid began to leak down onto my lips, and the taste was metallic.

"Ah! Dammit!" I moaned, turning my head away.

The lizard felt me stop pleasuring her, and lifted up her hips to look between my legs. I put a hand to my aching nose and pulled it back, finding a stream of dark red blood. I looked up at the salazzle, who narrowed her feminine purple eyes and growled. And though the pokemon couldn't speak, I knew exactly what was going through her licentious lizard brain of hers …

That's for keeping me in my ball all day.

I wiggled my nose, making sure it wasn't broken. It seemed okay. The pain temporarily cleared my mind of her infernal love, and my eyes narrowed. I gently wiped away the blood on the back of my arm and snorted. "Okay, fine. We're even now, bitch."

The salazzle let out a throaty cackle. Slowly, her tail unfurled from my neck, and she stood up on her hind legs. I watched, mesmerized, as she turned around with a seductive sway of her hips to look me in the eye. My heart raced, and I grabbed my throbbing erection. My cock was so sensitive that it felt like it'd burst from a simple touch. A puddle of pre-cum wet my stomach – I didn't even know my body could produce that much. I pointed my manhood sky-high for her, feeling a trickle of hot pre run down my shaft.

"Please finish me off." The words were out of my mouth before I could think about it. And just like that, I went from cursing her out to begging for pleasure. Damn this pokemon ...

Tryst, in her infinite grace and generosity, lowered her scaly haunches. I moaned as felt her soft labial scutes brush against the sensitive tip of my cock. I savored every moment of those warm lips spreading around my cock, feeling her snug vent envelop my shaft and wrapping it in warmth. My heart leapt in my chest and in my intoxicated state I thanked her repeatedly. My lover, my goddess, my joy … damn, she was so wet. I must have done a good job eating her out. And here I thought she'd be disappointed with how small a human's tongue was.

The last of my shaft glided up into the salazzle's vent, and I gazed in wonder at the sight of her puffy lips spread wide by my cock, and her erect clitoris poking out, nudging my crotch. I could stare at that magnificent sight forever. Tryst rested her hips against mine, and let out a playful growl, squeezing me with her internal muscles. I groaned and nearly came right there. Her tail swished back and forth excitedly, sliding against the tiles of the kitchen floor. I reached out, running my hand up her chest, feeling the smooth muscle underneath the pebbly scales. Arceus, she was such a beautiful pokemon. Those hot pink flame patterns on her stomach, the ashy black scales on her back and neck, the gentle dewdrop of her body shape, the seductive flutter of those purple, feminine eyes …

Tryst rested her leathery palms on my chest and leaned in. She churred as she lapped up the metallic blood from my aching nose, and then leaned in to lick my cheek. I knew I was enraptured by this damnable lizard, but dare I say I detected a hint of genuine affection in that moment? I wanted to believe.

The salacious salazzle began to ride me, using her forelimbs as leverage. Her claws dug into my claws just enough to remind me who was in control. Her long tail wiggled between my legs, gliding against my inner thighs. She coughed out a puff of flame from her throat, letting the tongues of flame wrap around her snout. Every moment I spent inside this lizard was a moment she was happy. And that made me happy, too. I never wanted my cock to leave her. My dick was where it belonged. I loved watching her dip her hips and use her tail for leverage as she pushed against me. The idea of human and pokemon coming together in the throes of passion was just so beautiful, so … so …

SLAP!

Snap out of it, Riley. You can't let those damn pheromones control you! Tryst cocked her head, momentarily confused in my moment of self-harm.

I had learned something when Tryst bashed my nose: pain seemed to clear my mind, albeit temporarily. I looked up at the lizard and mustered a quiet "Bitch." The salazzle merely let out a throaty, taunting cackle. The lizard quickly resumed her rocking, causing my cock to glide along the inside of that wonderfully snug vent of hers, and suddenly I was slipping back under her spell. The feeling was electrifying. I couldn't lay still, gasping and jerking my hips with every little movement. Those pheromones had me so sensitive that I had to try my hardest to delay my orgasm as long as possible. I shut my eyes tight and tried to think of literally anything except the little lust lizard riding my cock: cleaning up pokemon poo, taking out the smelly garbage, filing my pokemon's paperwork, being berated by Lilith …

Wait, no! DON'T THINK ABOUT LILITH!

"Rrrrrr … grzl grn."

I felt claws grab me by the cheeks, forcing my mind back to the present. Dammit, this lizard wouldn't give me anything! The salazzle hunched over as she rode me, forcing me to look at her. Those purple eyes narrowed as a throaty growl welled up in her throat. The pokemon kicked it into high gear, bouncing on top of me. Her scaly hips slammed into my own, filling the kitchen with wet slapping sounds.

I writhed under the smaller pokemon as her vent squeezed and massaged my cock without mercy. Every time those salacious hips lifted, I missed the feeling of my entire length inside her. Arceus, it's like those snug, muscular walls were designed for my cock. The lizard's vent felt like a black hole of silken love, squeezing my cock from all sides and never letting go. Every bounce of her hips had me wanting more. In the back of my mind I knew that salazzle puss couldn't possibly be magnitudes better than a human's, but dammit, it sure seemed true right now.

Tryst's long lizard tail swished in the air as she drove her dripping pussy up and down my shaft. She pounded my pelvis with those scaly hips of hers, using practiced and refined movements from ample experience with other pokemon. Fuck, she had skills. I could feel that tingling sensation in my groin as my body prepared to give up what the salazzle wanted. I began to buck my hips uncontrollably.

I put a hand to her flat chest and weakly pushed back against her ."Wait, Tryst!" I gasped for air, unable to breath through my bloody nose. "Slow down, lemee enjoy this."

The salazzle snarled and sped up. This damn lizard wasn't going to let me have control of anything – not even when I wanted to cum! Arceus, why was that so hot? No matter what this lizard did, it always turned me on! These damn pheromones were awakening so many new kinks in me …

"Fuck, I can't … I can't stop it …"

My words seemed to encourage the salazzle even more. This damn pokemon coaxed out my orgasm with incredible efficiency, combining those perfect hip dips with that smooth rolling motion of her haunches. My whole body stiffened when it finally hit me, and my throbbing cock was massaged by the delectable squeezing of the salazzle's vent. I clamped my hands down on her scaly thighs, holding her in place. I swore so loud that I heard the chirps and yowls of sleeping pokemon being woken up. My mind went into orbit, shot off in a rocket straight out of Mossdeep's Space Center.

And all the while, Tryst growled in approval, coaxing out spurt after spurt of my load with the most delectable rhythmic clenching of her vent muscles. My cum shot out with all the force of a Water Gun, coating the depths of her silky, muscular walls. Arceus, it was pure magic. The salazzle relished the feeling of my fingers digging into her scaly skin, watching me as I writhed on the floor, too overcome with pleasure to even speak. She savored every spurt of my cum deep within her scaly snatch, as if it was like some trophy to her.

After what seemed like an eternity, I finally relaxed and let my head bang against the kitchen floor. "Fuck … fuck … fuck …" was all my stunned mind could muster, as waves of euphoric relaxation swept over me. I was riding a high that didn't seem possible. I could die happy right here on this damn kitchen floor, balls deep in salazzle pussy. The coroner would have to pry my cold, dead hands off her haunches.

I glanced up at the black-scaled reptile who had dominated me yet again. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, that I had found my soul mate, and that I'd never let her go. I wanted to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me, and that I was so lucky to find a pokemon like her. I wanted to say all these things and so much more.

"Tryst, my salazzle. My rapacious reptile, my little lust lizard," I cooed to her. I would have hugged her if she weren't holding down my arms. I fought to pull them out from her claws, and caressed her cheek.

"Gzl grn?" Tryst grunted, tilting her head. The pokemon leaned in close to my face. I saw the unmistakable grin spread across her scaly lips. I was met with a throaty growl of triumph: a pokemon who had bested her human trainer…

… and my wounded pride managed to break through to the surface.

"Tryst, I … I hate you."

The salazzle's eyes opened wide. She let out a hiss.

"That's right …" I laughed, snorting dried blood out my nose. "Still not enslaved. I beat your pheromones … again. Bitch …" I weakly held up my fist in the air. "Fuck yeah, still got it."

I saw a flash of anger in the salazzle's purple eyes, and I laughed again. But then the pokemon surprised me, by not snacking or clawing at me. A grin spread across her snout, and the salazzle seemed … oddly okay with this revelation. Perhaps, in that lizard brain of hers, she simply recognized that as an opportunity for more mating in the future. Or maybe …

Maybe it was just the pheromones talking, but I think this little lust lizard was starting to respect me.

Overwhelmed with love and adoration, I pulled my pokemon in for a kiss. Tryst grunted in surprise, but did not object: the salazzle let me pull her down to my level. I felt my heart flutter as he snout brushed up against my lips. As I felt her long reptilian tongue flick out, I felt the last bit of my shame became smothered under my pheromone-charged lust. Human, pokemon … I didn't care right now. Just kiss me already; I'll sort through these confusing emotions later.

Tryst pulled away, licking her chops as she tasted her own flavor on my lips. I stroked her scaly neck. "If this keeps up, I won't be able to get rid of you. You'll have to spend the rest of your days under my care."

Tryst churred and wiggled her hips against mine, and I got the feeling that she was perfectly fine with that.

Life as a Pokemon Rehabilitator isn't easy. It's a life I chose not for fame or glory … my career was chosen purely out of passion. Compassion for all the pokemon out there who had the world turned back on them, for all the 'mons who had no other trainer to turn to. I couldn't help it: pokemon were wondrous, magnificent creatures, and they were the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. I coulda been stuck in an office for the rest of my life, formatting TPS report cover sheets until I croaked. But instead, here I was living outside of Saffron City, surrounded by wondrous and fascinating creatures, and having new adventures every day. And I got paid for it.

It was a lot of work, but Pokemon brought me so much happiness that they were worth every bit of love I could give them. Sometimes, loving them meant dealing with the ire of a raging 'mon. Sometimes, it meant devoting hours of my life that I'd rather have to myself. Sometimes, it meant bearing the consequences of a pokemon's decisions, no matter what they did.

And sometimes, it meant getting my face ridden by a horny musk lizard until her scaly slit smashed my nose to bits.

Damn … you know it's good sex when you get all philosophical afterward. That post-nut clarity is real.

I wanted to stay here on the kitchen floor, cuddling and kissing the salazzle for eternity. But the salazzle's legs were tired from all the bouncing, and she needed to stretch. Tryst arched her back and stood up, pulling off of me with a wet squelch. The lizard balanced back on her tail, gracefully extending each of her long legs in the air. Then, she began lapping up all the mess leaking from her slit, churring as she savored the taste. I watched with mild amusement as she lovingly delved her tongue into herself, lapping up everything she could reach. I groaned and forced myself to stand up, pushing against the countertop as my sore muscles protested. Damn that floor is hard. Tryst's tongue followed me the entire way as she began to clean my cock and balls. The salazzle was so intent on licking me that I wondered if she was gearing up for round two.

And then, in the quiet of the kitchen late at night, I heard a soft tapping sound behind me. I turned around.

"Lilith?!"

The kadabra was levitating at the far end of the kitchen, as silent as a joltik. She had obviously been watching for a while. Her claws were between her dangling legs, and the sound had come from her fluids dripping on the kitchen tile. Lilith's eyes widened with terror when I saw her, and the pokemon let out an audible gasp.

Zzzap!

In a flash, the kadabra teleported away.

TO BE CONTINUED

Post-story notes

Wanna know the secrets of my success?

Here's how to write like an Ausfer:

Step 1: start with an inspiring concept for plot or character interaction

Step 2: convince yourself that no one will read a clean story

Step 3: add in an erotic scene that you don't want to write

Step 4: get discouraged and regret everything

Step 5: tell yourself that you value your sanity and writing passion more than the attention of some horny people looking to get off.

Step 6: promise yourself that you won't do it again

Step 7: do it again anyway

Step 8: drink

(the above stuff is a joke. I love y'all but damn it can be a chore to stretch "he stuck his penis into her vagina" into 10 pages of text)