-Chapter 59- Breakdown-
-Shelby pov-
Everything has been getting better. Rachel has smiled more than ever and seems to be getting better. The buddy system has seemed to reap benefits too. All three have been slowly getting better.
So today we are on the way to a junkyard. There is obviously something else she isn't letting out. We need to get that last bit out so she can finally be 100% Rachel Barbara Co-Berry. Yeah she's still Rachel Berry.
I see Maribel turn and so I turn the car after her. We pull into the junk yard and I smile. I look in the rearview to see Rachel looking confused. I stop when Maribel does while she talks to a guy.
We pull forward and drive to a secluded area. There's a single car there. The girls are holding sledgehammers waiting. We pull to a stop and get out.
"What's going on?" We walk to the group slowly "Why are we here?"
"We are going to help you get that last bit out" Brittany walks forward and hands Rachel the sledge "We want you to finally be ok"
"I just wanna smash stuff!" Santana swings the hammer and busts a headlight "VICTORY FOR THE CRIPPLED!"
"I'm not so sure about this" Rachel takes a step back "I like where I'm at"
"Well I don't!" Santana takes a big swing at the car again "I'm going to be in a wheel chair for the rest of my life! I won't dance again! I WON'T BE ABLE TO CHEER WITH MY KIDS OR DOING CERTAIN THINGS!"
The sledge ends up going through the windshield into the car. Santana is panting with tears falling down. Maribel puts a hand on her back as Quinn grabs her hand. They pull her back as Fran steps up.
"I've spent years afraid to do anthing! I've spent years scared to be myself!" Fran starts rapidly smashing the car "I AM NOT A LITTLE SCARED GIRL! I'M A STRONG WOMAN!"
Fran takes a few more swings before collapsing. Judy helps her up and away. Rachel still doesn't take the hammer so I do. I take a deep breath and walk to the car.
"I guess I'm up" I look at the beat up car "I'm angry cause I hurt my baby girl..I'm angry cause I gave her to two deadbeats! I'm angry cause I ruined her life! I'M ANGRY CAUSE I'M A FUCK UP AND I'VE DESTROYED EVERYTHING!"
I take the hammer to the left window, then the hood, and the left side. I stop when I feel a hand on my back. I turn and Rachel grabs the hammer. I take a step back and watch her. We all do.
"I'm angry for being abandoned" She takes a small swing and barely dents the rim "I'm angry I've never been enough...What does anyone want?! I'm sorry I'm not tall! I'm sorry I'm not easy to love! I'm sorry I'm a loser! I'm SORRY I'M A DAMN FAILURE MOM!"
Rachel starts waylaying into the car. We all stay back and watch as she lets everything out. I hear her start to breakdown but I stay put. I stop Brittany when she takes a step. Not yet...We can't stop her just yet.
She starts repeatedly hitting the driver side door soon. I feel tears fall down as the anger exudes from her. I finally go over with Brittany when she falls. I pull her into me as she breaks down more.
I rub a circle on her back as Brittany holds her hand. What I wasn't expecting is her to push away and pick the hammer up again. Soon she starts hitting the car harder.
"Rach?" I take a step closer to her "Rach? Baby?"
"I'M TIRED OF BEING TO WEAK ONE!" Rachel bust's the driver door off and starts on the back right one "I'M NOT WEAK! I'M JUST AS STONG AS EVERYONE ELSE! I WILL BE ON BROADWAY! I WILL BE ON BROADWAY...I..I wanna go home"
I catch her as she falls back "No more" I look up at Maribel "No more"
-Time skip-
We are sitting in the living room. We are waiting for Rachel to wake back up. The doctor said she was fine. So we laid her down in bed and let her nap.
"How are you doing?" I look over at a worried Judy "You ok?"
"She wasn't angry at her dads...She was angry with me" I shake my head and look back at the ground "How do you think I am?"
"C-can I talk with mom alone?" We all look to he stairs to see Rachel "Please?"
"Of course" Everyone stands up and Maribel looks at her "We love you sweetie"
They all leave and Rachel sits in the chair across from me. It's silent and tense for a few moments. Neither of us knowing where to start.
"I got over my dads a long time ago" I look up at her "But you hurt me more than them...When you left it hurt so much more"
"I'm sorry" I feel tears to fall as my vision blurs "I know I messed up and I should never be easily forgiven for what I did to you"
"But I want to" Rachel sniffles before going on "I wanna forgive you! I wanna be able to finally and fully work on our mom and daughter connection! I wanna be your baby girl beside Beth! I want to be able to go to a spa and gossip with you! I want the connection that Judy has with Quinn and Maribel has with Santana! I want that!"
"I want that too" I get up and move over to her " I want it so bad!"
She stands up and we hug. We both let out the emotions we've kept inside. I finally feel freer! I feel like this could be the start of something great!
"Mom?" I pull back and look at Rachel "Can I take your last name?"
"Of course!" I pull her back into me "I'd love you to be Rachel Barbara Corcoran!"
"I'd love that too" Rachel pulls back herself with the biggest smile I've seen "Sooo can we sing?"
"OF course!" We run to the piano and sit on the bench "What do you wanna sing?"
"Hmmm" Rachel's eyes go wide "Your song?"
"Odd choice but sure" I stroke keys "Ready?"
She nods and I start playing the song.
-Rachel-Shelby-Both-
It's a little bit funny
This feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money, but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live
If I was a sculptor, ha
But then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a traveling show
I know it's not much, but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song, and this one's for you
And you can tell everybody
This is your song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses, well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind
While I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting
But these things I do
You see I've forgotten, if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen
And you can tell everybody
This is the song
It may be quite simple, but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind
That I put down in the words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world
"I love singing with you" I smile and pull her into me "When Brittany is back can we get alone time?"
"Of course" I kiss the top of her head "Anything for you"
-Time skip-Brittany pov-
I got summoned back to the house and switched with Shelby. I was confused and entered slowly. I am not sure what to expect from her finding herself. Maybe she's gonna leave me...I hope that's not it.
"BRITTANY!" I'm tackled by a hugging Rachel "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!"
"I love you Rach" I wrap my arms around her "I love you so much"
"Come on!" She helps me up and leads me to the piano "Sit and listen!"
I laugh and sit beside her on the piano bench. She takes a deep breath and starts playing for me.
-Rachel singing-
Well, you done done me, and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill, but you're so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks
Now I'm trying to get back
Before the cool done run out, I'll be givin' it my bestest
And nothing's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn
To win some or learn some
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Hmm (Hey, hey)
Well, open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and, damn, you're free
And look into your heart and you'll find love, love, love, love
Listen to the music of the moment people dance and sing
We're just one big family
And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved, loved, loved, loved, loved
So I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm sure
There's no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I'm yours
Do you, do, do, do you
But do you, do you, do, do
But do you want to come on?
Scooch on over closer, dear
And I will nibble your ear
A-soon da-ba-ba-ba-ba-bum
Whoa, oh-oh-oh
Whoa, oh-oh-oh-oh, whoa-whoa-whoa
Uh-huh, hmm
I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror
And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer
But my breath fogged up the glass
And so I drew a new face and I laughed
I guess what I'll be saying is there ain't no better reason
To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons
It's what we aim to do
Our name is our virtue
But I won't hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I'm yours
Well, open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and, damn, you're free
Look into your heart, and you'll find that the sky is yours
So please don't, please don't, please don't
There's no need to complicate
'Cause our time is short
This, oh, this, oh, this is our fate
I'm yours
Brr-ba-mmm, da-ba-mmm-day
T-du, du, t-du, du, t-du, du, du, du, du-du-du
Hmm, mm, oh, I'm yours
Oh, I'm yours
Oh-oh-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh-oh
Baby do believe I'm yours
You best believe, you best believe I'm yours, mhm
"You've been with me through everything this past year" Rachel grabs my hands and smiles "I'm yours for sure"
"I'm yours baby" We share a chaste kiss "I'm so happy you are better"
"So am I" She pulls me into a hug "I'm so happy"
I hug her back smiling. I know there will be days she goes backwards. It's how it works with depression and all of that. But I'll be there to pull her back up.
Because she's the love of my life and I won't ever lose her.
